Wow, what an emotional slam! In a good way!!
First of all, I love that you have called her school 'Salem' it's great/ironic because of the Salem which trials.
I think Roxi is a really strong OC, and to answer your question in my RR thread, I am completely fine with reading them! Now, put snape and Lily together, and we'll have an issue ;).
I didn't see anything with your grammar, and I your transitions were very smooth and easy. Roxi doesn't seem Mary Sue what so ever, you've given her such hard circumstances and made sure not to make her this super woman, she's suffering, lashing out at her aunt, everything a complete character would do.
I love that you are starting this from outside the realms of HP, the war is being refrenced and everythign so we know you'll get there, but it's such a captivating start and very creative.
Your descriptions are wonderful, I can see everything that you are typing. Not only what she is doing and what's around her, but your insight to her emotions is very true and believable.
I think this is a great first chapter, like I said it really has an emotional impact to get invested.
Please, feel free to re request any time, Roxi is quite an interesting character :)!
JChrissy Report Review
*Runs in and tackles first review and favorite spot. Then rolls around cackling with glee* It's mine, ALL mine! Muahahaha!
Anyways... YAY! I'm so glad I got here first! :) *Cheers* So even though I've already said it, just let me be the first to tell you how absolutely AMAZING this is! I completely adore every line! This is such an emotionally intense moment from Roxi's life, and I think you got all the emotions down perfectly!
This fits SO well with AiNFiLaW, and it makes it easier to understand and relate to Roxi and everything she goes through later. (And by the way, to anyone who's happened to read this review, you should TOTALLY go read 'All is NOT Fair in Love and War'!)
Absolutely FANTASTIC, love! GREAT job; 10/10!! Report Review
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