Here from review tag!
I've never read a Charlie-centric fic before, so I'm super happy to find this one as my first because it seems like a really interesting read!
I adore the way you've shown the grief of the other Weasleys - it's something that's often skipped, with more focus going on George for obvious reasons, but it's really refreshing to see how Fred's death affected them all.
I find Charlie really interesting so far. We don't know much about him from canon, so that's heaps of room for manoeuvring, and I'm excited to see where you take him. All the other Weasleys whom we got to meet felt really fleshed out as well, even though we met one of them for like, a line. Starting a story set so recently after the end of the last book allows you to use canon a lot, and I think that you've done that really well here!
Looking forward to seeing what's in store for our tortured hero! Report Review
Ahem, I saw your status update and decided to be creepy and sneak about your author's page :P Also, I think it's time I read more of your work! Always proud to support writing by Puffs :D
OMGG it's Fred's death :((( And grieving Weasleys :((( That being said, I actually love post-Hogwarts fics and chapters about miserable Weasleys, because well, they're fun to read - never mind what this says about me...
But what makes this story stands out from other post-Fred Weasley fic is that it focuses on Charlie's POV and experiences. Charlie is a rather underrated character in fanfic and the most neglected of the Weasleys, and I'm so glad that you've chosen to write about him. Fred is, of course, his little brother, and I can only imagine how awful he must be feeling at being unable to save Fred's life.
There's a lovely moment with Bill and Charlie - again, this is something which is barely explored in fanfic: the relationship between the two oldest Weasley siblings. When I think of Bill and Charlie together, I'm reminded of that scene in Goblet of Fire the day before everyone leaves for the Quidditch World Cup, where Bill and Charlie sort of Charm two tables and make them fight against each other in the air with everybody cheering them on. This chapter here made me think of that happier moment, and what a contrast it is. It really is heartbreaking to see those two without their carefree happiness, and instead being reduced to two broken grieving men. Especially Charlie, whose always exuded toughness, recklessness and sportiness. This is a lovely (and really heartbreaking) side of him you're showing, Jayde, and it's absolutely wonderful. Sorry, being a bit rambly here.
And of course, it makes sense that he would blame himself :( I'm betting almost all the Weasleys are each blaming themselves over Fred's death because they're a bunch of idiots. A wonderful bunch of idiots who'd do anything for each other, really. :)
Gaah, anyway, lovely story, Jayde! Am adding this to my faves (that means I will be back).
ALSO THIS IS MY 200TH REVIEW WOO ♥ ♥ Report Review
What a powerful first chapter. I felt horrible for Charlie and I just wanted to give him a hug and tell him that it isn't his fault. At first you had me intrigued and wondering how it was Charlie's fault but then I realized that he was just blaming himself... Or was he?? I do not know...
I like the bond between Bill and Charlie and I wish charlie would have spilled the beans about what was bothering him but then what would happen with the next chapters. you drawn the readers in nicely with this first chapter. It is great...
Megthechef43 aka MegAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this for me! I'm really glad you think this was a powerful first chapter!!
Haha, a lot of people have been confused when they've read the first chapter, because they really don't believe it was Charlie's fault (because it wasn't). I don't want to give too much of the story away, but you'll find out in the next couple of chapters why Charlie feels this way.
I agree; it would have been wonderful if Charlie could have revealed his feelings to Bill right then, but then that wouldn't have made for a very long story, would it?!? :P
Thank you so much, dear, I'm glad you enjoyed it!! Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm sorry that it took a minute for me to get back to you. So, I'm really glad to be back in Charlie's life and to see that he's actually gotten better but not to the point where he can stop blaming himself over Fred. I think that him pushing himself far from his family that way is actually making it alot worse and I want to see him go back to them. He needs it and oh! What a nice surprise coming from Fleur and Bill and OMG references of Georgelina!! You may not know this but I'm a HUGE fan of that pairing but ahem, now is not the time to gush about how much I love George--I mean, stories with him and Angelina. Anyway, so Charlie surprised me so much in this chapter, I wasn't seeing that proposal coming! But do you think he should have told Liz before he asked her to marry him?! I hope she doesn't react weirdly to it when he does say! D':
But oh, my goodness I was so happy, I was getting all gooey and girly! What a funny way for Liz to reaact to being propsed to! It was so like her, I really enjoyed it! :D
Can't wait for your next update and since I favorited this, I can read it whenever I like! :D
No CC's either, it was simply lovely.
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi again Gabbie!! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond to this!!
I know what you mean; I'm really anxious for Charlie to get back home, too. And I promise, he'll go home in good time... there's just a few things that need to happen first. XD *winks*
Haha! Feel free to gush away about Georgelina! I tried to keep this story as close to Canon as possible, so I'm glad you enjoyed the mention of them!
I completely agree with you; Charlie really should have spilled the beans by now. Let's hope that doesn't cause too much trouble later on...
Haha! YAY for you being happy about Charlie's random, surprise proposal!! I'm glad you liked it!! And I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story (if I ever buckle down and finish writing it, that is!) XD
Thanks again dear, so much!! Your reviews really make my day! Report Review
Hello itís patronus_charm with your review!
I wasnít expecting a time jump, as I just assumed that it would just pick up from walking Liz home, but I rather liked the jump. It meant that we could see how the character and the story had progressed, and without having to spend time writing tons of chapters, when we could see the progression in one.
It was really nice to see how much Liz had improved Charlieís life throughout the past year, as you could see that he was in a much better place than he had been before they started dating. I can actually Charlie in a construction job, as he was a dragon keeper, he must have been strong, so that profession suits him well. It was nice to see that he got on with Lizís mum as well, as meet the parents doesnít always go that well.
I found it interesting that he was still suffering from Fredís death, and that he was still running from problems at home. It really shows what a profound effect that death had on him, and I rather like it, even if he is suffering, as it shows you never know how someone may react grief, even if they didnít appear that close when they were alive.
So Charlie gave up magic then? I guess I can understand, as magic and all the consequences of it caused his brother to die, and the fact that heís dating a muggle probably makes it easier in that respect. Iím presuming that he hasnít yet told Liz about him being a wizard, so it will be interesting to see how sheíll react to the news.
I thought the banter between Charlie and Liz about getting the drink, was just innocent, I didnít expect him to go and propose! It was a great surprise though, and it seemed very appropriate, given how close they seem, and theyíre just perfect for one another.
That proposal was great! I was just awing throughout, and you introduced some tension into it, when she didnít accept straight away, and I was worried that she was going to say no! I loved that even though it was in a bar, it was still incredibly sweet and romantic, and just perfect. I think the fact that you had the people on the side, yelling at Liz to answer Charlie was great, as it introduced a bit of humour into a rather tense and romantic moment.
I thought this was a great chapter, and I certainly didnít expect that to happen! I canít wait to see what will happen next, and whether this will force him back to England or not!
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hello again, Kiana!! :D I'm sorry it has taken me SO long to respond to your amazing review!!
You've pretty much nailed the reason behind the time jump! There's a lot of story to be covered here, and the story's main focus is on things that happen later on, so it works best for me to include a few things as background information and then skip ahead. As of right now it looks like there's going to be one or two more time jumps, and then it'll be less sporadic.
I'm really glad you liked how Liz has changed Charlie's life, and it's SUCH a relief that you can see Charlie working in construction! I really wanted it to be as realistic as possible!
What you said about never knowing how someone will react to grief is exactly right; everybody handles it in different ways and in their own time, and I'm glad that you mentioned that.
Yes, it seems Charlie has given up magic. I wonder how long that's going to last?? *winks* And no, he hasn't told Liz about his wizard-ness yet... *evil laugh*
YAY! I surprised you with the proposal!! That was my intention!! :D I'm glad to see it worked, and that you think they're perfect for each other!
*Squees!* Your praise for the proposal is making me blush! I'm really glad you liked it!! I don't think "No" was ever an answer Liz considered giving, but I had to keep you waiting, didn't I?? :P
Thank you again, SO MUCH, for this (and all your) reviews!! They truly have made my day, and I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story! Report Review
Hey its Mya here for you review! So sorry for the delay!
Well I am glad Charlie is finally moving o a bit. I really do like Liz but would have loved to know a bit more about her. Iss she magic? lol tht was phrased strangely... haha
Anyway great work on Charlie's emotions!Author's Response: Hey there dear! Thank you SO much for taking a look at this for me! :D
I am probably going to keep requesting from you for every chapter (if that's okay), and if I do I promise, you're going to find out a WHOLE lot about Liz very soon! I'm glad to know that you already like her, though!! :D
Thank you SO much!! Report Review
Hi, Iím here with your review! And of course itís not too early to re-request, I have some people re-request within minutes of the review being left!
I thought it was really nice to see how much Liz affected Charlie for the better! Heís had such a hard time recently, he deserves a little romance in his life :í) I hope this relationship works out, as you wouldnít have thought a dragon keeper and a barmaid would ever date, so Iím intrigued to see how this continues!
The way you showed how determined he was to meet Liz, and get to know her better, was so accurate, because whenever someone has a latest crush, they do have the tendency to stalk them a teeny bit. I just think itís so adorable that someone who usually appears to be emotionless and manly is falling so deeply for someone, and I really love how youíve done that!
The little scene when she spilled beer on him, usually bores me as itís overdone, but it just seemed to have been done differently so I really liked it. I like how you include those little details which make the story more realistic, such as Charlieís heart beating faster, as itís all so true and natural.
Itís good that Jeffís around that way Charlie can learn from his mistakes and succeed. It was nice that Liz is starting to trust him, by telling Charlie that Jeffís not her type, as thatís not the type of thing you just announce. But how awkward when sheís asking about who he likes, and he was all cute and embarrassed, if only she knew he liked him!
Then he plucked up the courage to ask to walk her home! It was just lovely, Iím already awing all the way through and theyíre not even dating yet, so I dread to think what Iíll be like when they kiss for the first time!
I liked how you showed Lizís thoughts at the end, because I was beginning to wonder what she thought of him, so it was lovely to see that she liked him back, and that she was scared that she would lose him.
My only CC is a very minor one, and itís just that I think it would look better if you included a line between - Seeing his reaction gave Liz all the answer she needed. ďI knew it!Ē she whispered excitedly. ďAnd itís someone here, tooÖ is it Megan?Ē As it would just look better:)
A lovely chapter I thought, and you donít have to wait so long next time you want to re-request just do it whenever you want!Author's Response: Hello again dear! Thank you SO much for coming to read and review this for me, and so quickly at that!! ♥ Haha! Oh wow; I'd be too afraid to post another request that soon! But I'm definitely on my way to request another one right now, so thank you!!
Yes, I think a little romance is just what Charlie needs right now! As for whether or not things work out... you'll just have to keep reading to find out! *Grins evilly* :D
Haha; I think you described the situation perfectly: Charlie doesn't even realize it, but he is SO stalking Liz! In the cute, crush kind of way though, not the scary way. :P It's so cute!! (Sorry... my feels got away with me for a minute there XD)
Whew. I'm glad that the spilled-the-beer thing was done differently. I haven't ever read a fic with something like that in it before (that I can remember), so I didn't even realize that was overdone!! I'm glad it worked out and you liked it, though!
Haha... allowing Charlie to learn from his mistakes is pretty much exactly why Jeff is here! And yay for you awwing all the way through!! ♥ I can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter!!
I'm really glad seeing Liz's thoughts was helpful... I really felt it was a good time for the readers to get an idea of what she was thinking about Charlie, and it seems I was right!! :P
And you're exactly right; I didn't even realize that little mistake was there until someone else pointed it out, and I kept telling myself I was going to change it and never got around to it. So that's exactly what I'm going to do right now!! Thank you so much for reminding me, and for pointing that out!!
Thank you so much for the amazing review, dear!! Report Review
Hey, there. Sorry that I didn't come here really quickly and attack this but for some reason I've been busy and trying to actually type. D':
I'll admit it, I'm being lazy.
Anyhoo, so Charlie is really starting to get a crush on Liz. I was surprised for a minute or two that he stayed as long as he did when he was intent on leaving but I think having this attraction to Liz is a good thing. Obviously he doesn't think so and won't admit to going to the pub for the reason of seeing her because he likes her, but you and I know what's going on. ;)
I think that you describe Liz in a way that's actually very attractive. She seems so light and easy and I think the contrast with Charlie is really well-done, its like a balm for him. Not sure if he'll accept that later but that's another chapter, right? :D
Taking an actual step to get to know her was a little funny on his part. He seems sort of shy, almost second guessing himself alot but he eventually won Liz over and decided to walk her home.
Sorry Jeff! >:D
I thought that moment between them was really sweet, a tad awkward because I think both of them were a little nervous but it was realistic and I enjoyed it. :3
But the mention of brothers...oh, poor Charlie. All of his guilt over Fred came sweeping back and the poor thing, I know he was just breaking up at wanting and needing his own happiness. D':
But that ending was nice! Liz senses something in him and she wants to explore it but being cautious on her end is really understanding. Ah, I hope things go right for them!
So this chapter has no CC's, I like the pace and flow of it and no grammar things. :D
Thanks for the read.
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi again Gabbie!! Thank you so much for coming to review this for me!! :D Haha, it's no problem!! We all have our days where we just need to relax!!
Yes, Charlie is definitely starting to get a BIG crush on Liz! Haha, yep! We know what's going on here!! :D
I really DID want Liz to be a bit of a contrast with Charlie, especially right now since he's going through so much. Whether he'll admit it or not, she's pretty much exactly what he needs right now, that's what so great about it! As for whether or not he'll accept that later... you'll just have to keep reading to find out!! *Grins evilly* :)
Haha, yes, poor Jeff! But he really is quite annoying and it's a necessary evil. We can't have him keeping Liz and Charlie from getting together, now can we?? :P
Aww!! I'm glad you liked the chapter so much dear! ♥ Thanks again!! Report Review
Its me, Gabbie here with your requested review and its good to be back. I had favorited this story but haven't had the time to get to reading it again but regardless, here I am. So, Charlie's journey to healing has been a really long one and I'll admit it, I didn't expect him to go to America. I thought that he might just hide out somewhere in Britain but of course, his family would have found him rather easily if he had. For some reason, though I can really picture him in New England more than I can anywhere else and the contrast between the Muggle world and the Magical one wasn't as hard to grasp as some fanfics. I think the lack of magic that he had to deal with and his own need to just block all of his pain out, went well together. The experiences were different in the Muggle world but the grief was still there and I'm glad that you didn't shy away from that. It was very good.
But on to the rest! I thought he would go home after a minute but Liz proved to be a bit of a surprise! :3 I think you've given me enough little details here and there about her character to make me really interested. And Charlie was so attracted to her that he was almost shy! And fumbling? Interesting! :D I can't wait to see how they meet up again and he forgot to take his ship home, huh? Hehehe. Something to break up the daily routine is something he needs and I hope Liz helps him through it or, he can get past his grief on his own. :D
And, no CC's! Everything was lovely and thanks so much for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi there Gabbie!! Thank you so much for coming back to review this chapter, and for getting to it so quickly! ♥
I really felt like the fact that Charlie's departure to America was unexpected made it all the more amazing, although I'll admit that I was little worried that readers would find it unbelievable. At this point, I honestly can't even remember what made me pick Rhode Island/New England as a good place for him, but I do remember looking up ports to see where ships disembarked in the U.S., so that probably had a lot to do with it. :P
I'm really glad that the whole "Muggle World" and "grief" things worked for you and weren't hard to grasp; that's another couple of things that I was concerned about with this, so thank you for mentioning them!! :D
I certainly hope Liz is a good surprise, and I'm glad to see that she's got you interested! I really can't wait to see what you think of the next 2 chapters!
Thank you again for your amazing and thoughtful review!!
Hi, Elphaba here again! :)
This is a really sweet chapter! I'm happy to see Charlie coping in the muggle world and obviously very happy with Liz. I think a job like construction definitely would suit him, as you describe.
I would have liked to see a little more conflict in this chapter. Charlie mainly seems to struggle with himself, and while you do mention his hesitance to tell Liz about his family and his family about Liz, I'm interested in seeing more in-depth depiction of his thoughts and actions.
For instance, this is really good: "Liz still believed all of Charlie's family to be dead. This made Charlie feel horrible, and the only way he could convince himself he wasn't lying to his girlfriend was by telling himself that the family thing was just a 'secret' that he was waiting to reveal." But I wonder what kind of inner arguments he has with himself. Also, have there been any close calls over the past year, where Liz found or almost found one of his letters? Has she ever noticed that he is upset about something and asked what's wrong? How would he explain it? I think exploring some of these situations would be really interesting.
I really like Charlie's nervousness when he proposes, and his fear that she may not say yes. He's very endearing in this scene. I like Liz's filterless mouth, too: "Are you sure?" :)
I'm interested to see what happens next, and what happens when Charlie's secret is revealed!Author's Response: Hi there Elphaba! Welcome back!! And thank you for getting to this so quickly!!
Aww, thank you! I'm really glad you thought this was a sweet chapter; that's what I was aiming for! As for his job, I really couldn't think of any other Muggle job for him! I just had this strong feeling that he'd want to do something outside, and that was the first (and only) thing that came to mind! I'm glad you agree!
I appreciate your suggestion about the need for more conflict, and I can promise you that there's PLENTY of conflict on the way. In fact, a good part of the rest of the story will be conflict-full, so we'll just call this the calm before the storm. XD *winks*
And I know that it's a little later than you anticipated/hoped, but some of what Charlie's been dealing with internally will be revealed in the next chapter, as it leads up to some other conflicts that are coming up. I will definitely re-request once that chapter's up, and when it is, I hope it's what you've been hoping for!! :D
Hehe; Charlie is so cute! I really loved writing him in this chapter, with all his nervousness!
Thank you SO much for the amazing review and feedback, dear! I really appreciate it and I will definitely be back to re-request once Chapter 6 is up!! :D
Hey! Mya here =) Back for you re request! Thanks for that :D
Aww Charlie! It's not your fault! I really did love what you did. Rita was a great way to show Charlie's guilt and everything he was feeling. Poor boy. I know the Weasley's wont be mad at Charlie and I hope he realizes that.
Great work here really! I wish I could have gotten the names of the co workers but its alright.
I noticed a few grammar errors nothing too serious though.
Great work!!Author's Response: Hi again Mya! Thank you for getting to this so quickly!!
Aww, I agree! Poor Charlie; it definitely ISN'T his fault... now if we could just convince HIM of that! I really had a feeling that Rita could probably drag Charlie's emotions out of him, whether he wanted her to or not, so I'm glad you liked that!
More than one person has mentioned that they'd have liked to know the co-workers names, so when I get a chance I may go back and try to fix that.
Thank you SO much for your amazing review!! Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!
I'm so glad that you put the time frame in, I know it may sound like a minor thing, but so many author forget to do that, so the readers left feeling confused about when it's set, so all I can say is thank you for including it!
It was funny seeing how Charlie managed in the muggle world, I can see why he would find it bemusing that you needed a passport to travel, but I guess wizards don't really have such a high risk of terrorism, or identity theft ;)
I liked Charlie's reflective observations of the world and his surroundings, however I do feel there could be a little dialogue just to break it up a little, as sometimes there was just so much great description you couldn't take it all in, so it lost some of its power.
I loved the way Charlie was so mesmerised by Liz, as it was funny to see that from guy who previously spent most of his time with dragons. I noticed that she had the same eyes as Lily, what is with them and making guys fall in love with you?
I loved that little scene between the two, it was just so awkward as they both seemed nervous, it was just so funny and sweet to read, as you could tell that they were both interested in one another.
Overall I thought it was another great chapter and Charlie's characterisation is getting better and better, and you're starting to feel you really know him now, as he's not grieving as much now! Keep up the great work, Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hello again, Kiana!
Once again, thank you SO much for getting to this so quickly! I really do LOVE your reviews!! ♥
I'm really glad that you mentioned the timeline... in one of my other stories I didn't pay quite as much attention to detail, and it was pretty easy for things to fall apart from there. And by "Fall apart" I mean that I forgot that I had written something in a previous chapter that didn't chronologically match up with what was in the next chapter. So with this story I tried to pay a lot of attention to detail and keep things as close to Canon as possible, and it's nice to know that it was appreciated!!
Haha! I thought adding Charlie's confusion about Muggle artifacts would be a nice touch, so I'm glad you did, too!
Thank you for your comment about the need for dialogue to break up the description. You're right, there's definitely a whole lot of description here and not much dialogue to give the reader a break, so when I get a chance I'll try to find a way to go back and fix that! Thank you so much for the suggestion, and for pointing that out!!
I really like seeing Charlie in a romantic setting instead of a dangerous setting, too. I know I may be a little biased, though! :P And I actually did think of Lily very briefly when I decided to give Liz green eyes, so it's funny that you mentioned that there! :D
I've really come to love that little awkward-nervous scene between the two of them as well; it was really fun to write!!
I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter, dear! And again, Thank you SO MUCH!
Hello! It's me again! And using my actual penname this time, which is sort of a shame - I quite liked Santa In A Dress! :P (And I'm really sorry for how long it's taken me to get to this review, btw!)
I really liked Charlie's internal monologue in this chapter; it was really interesting to see his confusion at aspects of the Muggle world that don't exist in the wizarding world. And that idea of going every day, and then going home if Liz doesn't turn up to work, was excellent!
I'd have liked to have seen a little more about what Charlie does when he isn't at the bar... how does he get money to live on? :3
Your scene with Liz and Jeff was amusing - Jeff is characterized well as the idiot who won't take no for an answer. :P I also enjoyed the moment where Liz thinks about Charlie likes, completely subtracting herself from the list of possibilities, and then being pleasantly surprised when Charlie asked her out! (Walking her home counts as a date, right? Yup, it does!)
I caught a small formatting typo: Now Charlie could actually feel the redness on his face, and it was slowly creeping onto his ears as well. His heart was pounding rapidly, and he found that he could no longer look Liz in the eye. Seeing his reaction gave Liz all the answer she needed.
ďI knew it!Ē she whispered excitedly. ďAnd itís someone here, tooÖ is it Megan?Ē There should be a space in between the paragraph and Liz's dialogue. :)
And awww. The mention of family, and brothers, and poor Fred! Charlie's thoughts on the situation were extremely realistic - it can be difficult to feel happy knowing that someone else will never have the opportunity to. And what a lovely start to their relationship! ♥Author's Response: Yay! You're back!! Haha! I really liked Santa in a Dress, too! And no worries, you didn't even HAVE to come back and read/review this so the fact that you chose to is amazing!!
Ah, Charlie's internal monologues! It seems to be his best way of expressing himself here lately! XD
After comments like this from you and other reviewers, I realize that I really SHOULD have put in more information about what Charlie does when he's not at the bar. As far as money, he did have some gold converted at Gringott's before he came to Rhode Island, so that's how he's been surviving thus far, but I really should have explained that, so thank you for pointing it out!!
Haha! Jeff is an idiot. He's one of those characters who really means nothing and just got thrown in there for plot advancement... I'm pretty terrible at that! XD Basically I just needed a reason for Liz and Charlie to start talking about boyfriend/girlfriend type things, and Jeff was the solution! And Yep! Walking her home counts in my book!!
EEK! I'm so glad you pointed that formatting thing! I hadn't even noticed it! Good eye, and thank you for mentioning it!!
Thank you SO much for the amazing review, dear!! ♥ *hugs* Report Review
OH. MY. GAWD.
THAT WAS SO ADORABLE, JAYDE.
Even though I'm very angry at Charlie for not going home and not visiting his poor family, I just can't help but squee with excitement! :D
I LOVED the way he proposed! It was absolutely adorable! I just - MY FEELS.
THEY'RE JUST SO ADORABLE AND CUTE TOGETHER.
AMAZING CHAPTER, AMAZING CHAPTER! :D
10/10!Author's Response: Surprise reviews make my day, and EEK! Your review made ME squee with excitement!! :D *hugs*
I know it's awful of Charlie not to go home and see his family, but I promise it's all for the good of the story. It will work out in the end, dear, I promise! :D
I was actually a bit worried about the proposal... I didn't want it to be too overdone or cheesy. So I'm glad you loved it and thought it was adorable!!
Haha! I LOVE THIS REVIEW!! I'm glad you think they're adorable and cute together! I can't wait to see what you think of future chapters!
Thank you SO MUCH for the AMAZING REVIEW!!! *hugs* Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!
I thought the way you portrayed the Weasley family grieving was very realistic and believable - exactly how I'd thought they would be. There's not very many stories which are start straight after the war ended, so this was nice to see, and very well done.
The way Molly is still carrying on with life, by looking after her family, and putting her grieving time after everything else is how I thought she would act, and George become very recluse as well, was great as he's lost his other half, so he's lost his spirit really!
The Weasley's sudden fame was also very realistic, and you can feel their annoyance and pain, of constantly having fans and press following them everywhere, since they've just lost friends and family, they need their own space, which isn't given them to them.
Even though there's not much direct speech in this chapter, you still feel very engaged, and this gives you more of a chance to describe the surroundings and peoples feelings, so this worked very effectively.
Typical Rita Skeeter to turn up and cause mayhem! I felt so sorry for Charlie, as he seemed to get more and more broken down recently, and then for her to come along. But, perhaps it was a good thing, as it allowed him to get his guilt over Fred's death out, and show that it wasn't his fault he was getting reinforcements. Though to have it all over the Prophet probably isn't a great side effect, of finally voicing your guilt!
Wow, I didn't expect Charlie to suddenly depart from Romania, buit I guess there were warning signs with his gradual mental breakdown. I feel so sorry for him, as most people tend to overlook him, but this death obviously did deeply affect him!
Overall I thought it was a great chapter, as I thought Charlie was portrayed perfectly, and you've made me want to track Skeeter down, and shout abuse at her, for what she did to him! Feel free to re-request, as this story is great! Kiana :)Author's Response: Hi there Kiana! Thank you SO much for getting to this so quickly!!
I'm glad that you thought the portrayal of the grief was believable and realistic. I had actually just been through the death of a family member shortly before writing this, so that made it a little easier to emotionally connect while I was writing.
I couldn't think of any other way for Molly or George to grieve... it all just seemed to fit to me! I'm glad it seems that way to you, too! But I'm not glad they're grieving :(
The whole "fame" thing is exactly what I envisioned happening after the Battle of Hogwarts... glad to see I'm not the only one! And I'm really glad to hear that this chapter works without a lot of dialogue.
I completely agree; stupid Skeeter! But unfortunately, her involvement was necessary for things to unfold as they do. And I completely agree; having it broadcast to the whole wizard world certainly isn't a good side effect of finally expressing your feelings! :(
I was hoping for Charlie's departure to come across in the chapter just as sudden as it occurs to him, so I'm glad that payed off! And I agree, many people DO overlook Charlie. Hopefully we can change that with this story! :D
Haha! Yes, let's go track Skeeter down together!! XD
Thank you SO much for the amazing and thoughtful review dear! I'm glad to know you'd like for me to re-request, because I most certainly will be!! :D *hugs* Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm so glad that you re-requested for this. I'd been trying to go through my review thread and find it but my internet connection sucks! >:(
Poor Charlie. Poor Weasley family. My poor George!!
I think you played on the emotions of their grief so well and I really had to stop and breathe for a moment. I liked the realistic portrayal of it and I'm glad that you didn't shy away from their pain as if they would get over it in a day or so. Some fanfics just have a few months going by and everyone being so happy and smiley like Fred's death didn't really twist them up as much. :p
But gosh, I'm worried about Charlie, I hate that he's carrying around all that pain. And his guilt is just eating him up and I thought it was good of him to actually get away from the Burrow for a while. Molly seemed to be getting to a smothering point and while I understand, Charlie was about to explode but when he left home, I sort of worried about if he'd be okay.
I thought it was good of him to go to work though and I liked how you played on his reluctance about being there for a minute. The awkward condolences and the feeling that things just aren't right melted away into him feeling at peace for a minute.
Until Rita Skeeter. First of all, great job on writing her, she's just as I'd picture her to be and I have to wonder how she stalked him all the way to Romania so easily.
But the way she manipulated Charlie just broke my heart and pissed me off. He was already upset but she just pushed it further, getting him to admit to something that he couldn't make right. With Charlie though, it was good to see how you played on the canon events and had him just missing Fred before he died. That sort of guilt would eat anyone up but i'm hoping that he doesn't stay gone for long, wherever he's going. I'd sort of done this for Percy so its nice to see someone else using another member of the Weasley family for this sort of story. I hope Charlie is going to make it all right though! D':
I completely loved it and thanks for re-requesting!
No CC's either, keep up the good work!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hey there Gabbie!! Haha! I'm glad I re-requested too! :) And I'm probably about to do it again, if you're available! :P
I agree; poor Weasleys! It really is heartbreaking in these first couple of chapters, but things will get better, I promise! I'm glad that I played on the emotions well. I lost a family member not too long before writing this chapter, so I know exactly what you mean about grief... it's a process. Everything isn't automatically just better the next week, and I'm glad you thought that was realistic here.
Don't be too worried about Charlie... he's going to be okay! *Winks* He's just got to get through this, that's all! :) Going back to work after the loss of a loved one is a very awkward milestone, and I'm glad that was realistic as well.
Ah, Rita Skeeter. Everyone who's read this chapter has commented on her! I honestly thought I wasn't doing a very good job of keeping her in-character, but apparently, I did! And I'm so glad it worked out like that! I absolutely detest her, and honestly, while I was writing her I sort of had this scowl on my face, thinking "If I were evil Rita Skeeter, what would I say?" :P Guess it works!! XD
Don't worry, Charlie's going to be all right. It might take him a little longer than you'd hoped to get home, but I promise, he'll be okay! :D
Thanks SO MUCH for your amazing, thoughtful review!! *hugs* Report Review
Hey! Im Mya for your requested review =) Nice to meet you!
So you hav a GREAT beginning here. From my POV, I see a very hurt Charlie who feels that he is responsible for his brothers death, though I was a bit confused as to how? Was Charlie even in the battle? I thought he wasn't? Maybe that's what you are alluding to that if he had been there he could have helped... Lol anyway, I really like the relationship you have of Bill/Charlie here and would love to see some interaction between Charlie/George maybe.
This was a great start! I loved the way you brought us in and really loved the fact that you wrote this from Charlie's POV since I hav never really read that before !
I woud love to see what else you have =)
I felt that the somber feeling could have been enhanced by some description of Charlie's surroundings but his guilt was done very well.
Overall great job!
If you ever need another review you know where to find me :D
-Mya :DAuthor's Response: Hi Mya! Thank you for getting to this so quickly!! :)
I am so glad to know that you think this is a great beginning! I realize that the reasons for Charlie's guilt are a little unclear in this chapter, but I promise it's explained very well in the next one! (And I'll be sure to go re-request so that you can see for yourself!) I haven't quite gotten to any Charlie/George communication yet, because looking at George would remind Charlie too much of Fred, but it's coming soon! I promise!!
I honestly hadn't really read from Charlie's POV before either, which is one of the reasons I chose to write about him! :P
Your comment about the description is well-noted! And I'm glad that you think the guilt and grief were portrayed well.
Thank you SO much for such an amazing review!! Report Review
It's really interesting to see Charlie learn about muggle things like college. :) His father was always tinkering with muggle gadgets, but also seemed to get mixed up with the details, so it'd be fun to see what other things confuse or fascinate Charlie.
I also wonder what Charlie does when he's not at the bar. Does he look for a job? Or just bum around?
I really like the conversation between Charlie and Liz in front of her house, where she asks him about brothers and sisters, and his only reply is, "dead." Even though he doesn't mention names or specifics, it feels like this is the moment where he finally starts to move past his grief.
I'm curious to see what will happen next! :) I would like to see more dialog between these two. What could Charlie talk to her about that wouldn't give away that he's a wizard? What kind of misunderstandings would crop up? And what secrets is she hiding?Author's Response: Haha! I really felt like the whole "College" thing was a nice touch. There are definitely some things that the pair doesn't really get about each other's lives. There will be plenty of Charlie mix-ups in the future!!
In my mind, Charlie has just been wandering around Rhode Island in his spare time, but I guess I forgot to include that! Thanks for pointing it out!!
It definitely took a lot for Charlie to even say the word "dead", so I agree that this moment was really a milestone for him!
I've actually already got the next chapter ready, I just haven't submitted it yet (which I am about to fix right now!!) XD
Thank you SO MUCH for your kind and thoughtful reviews, and I'm pretty sure I'll be back to request more once my next chapter goes up!! Hopefully some of your questions will be answered!!! Report Review
Hi, Elphaba back again. :)
While I wish that this chapter had a little more dialog to break up the descriptive paragraphs, there are a lot of great observations here. For instance, I like this one a lot: "Even though they were complete strangers, something about being in this room full of people made Charlie feel more at ease... probably the fact that he was used to being in a room full of chattering people when he was with his family." I think there's a lot of truth in that sentence.
I like the dialog between Charlie and Liz near the end, especially how they both stumble over their names as they introduce themselves. I wonder about Liz's back story: why did her mother move from Britain to Tennessee? How did she then decide to move to Rhode Island? I assume there's some secret there that will be revealed later on. ;)Author's Response: Hello again, dear! I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to respond to these AMAZING reviews! School has just kind of taken over my life! :/
Your suggestion about the dialog is duly noted! But I'm glad that there were some good observations there to throw off some of the lack of dialog!
Hm... As for Liz's back story, we'll find out more about that in later chapters. *Whistles* You'll just have to keep reading to find out... XD
Thank you SO much for the review and the feedback, dear!! Report Review
Hello, Elphaba back again. :)
Ooo, wow, Rita Skeeter is nastily in-character in this chapter! You do a really good job of making her a character that people love to hate. I can imagine the awful story she'll invent from her "interview."
The only critique I have is that I could use a few more details about the co-worker who comes to help Charlie. It'd be nice to know his name, what he looks like, maybe something general about his age (young, old, middle aged) and how well he and Charlie know each other (casual acquaintances or eat lunch together every day?). Even if he's a minor character, it would be nice to know these details.
The ending came as a neat surprise! I didn't see Charlie's abrupt departure coming, but I definitely like the idea of him embarking on an adventure ... I'm assuming that's where he'll meet your OC? ;)
I should be able to get to the next couple two chapters later this weekend; I'm looking forward to it!Author's Response: Hello again!
I absolutely DETEST Rita Skeeter. I wasn't intentionally trying to keep her SO in-character (in fact, I was a little worried she might be out-of-character or overdone), but I'm glad to see that it turned out so well! I guess my hate for her really came out well on paper (or um... screen!) :P
Once again, you've brought up something that I hadn't really thought about before, and nobody else has mentioned, so thank you for being so insightful! I was concerned about continually calling him "The Coworker", but I hadn't really thought about providing any back story about his and Charlie's relationship. When I have the chance, that's something I'll definitely take a look at!
I'm glad the ending was a neat surprise! Yes indeed, Charlie's off on an adventure, and yes, that's where he'll bump into my OC, as you'll see shortly! :D
Thank you SO, SO MUCH for your amazing and thoughtful reviews! I look forward to getting more from you!! :D Report Review
Hi! Elphaba here with your requested review.
First of all, I love that you're writing about Charlie, since we don't get to see him very often compared to the other Weasleys. :)
I really like the relationship dynamics that you establish between Charlie and Bill as the two oldest brothers. We hardly see them together at all in the series, so it's great to see them together, here.
I think it's very interesting that Charlie is overwhelmed by guilt over Fred's death. If I have any suggestions about the writing overall, it is to show more of what Charlie is doing to let readers deduce his feelings, without telling us everything that he feels. For instance, I like the description of the hard lump that forms in his throat, and how he can't look his family members in the eyes -- that's enough information to show me that he feels guilty. I like Charlie's last message for Fred, as well, those three words reveal so much.
This story is off to an intriguing start! On to chapter two... :)Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing this for me, and for getting to it so quickly!! :D
I totally agree; we don't get to see very much of Charlie in the series, which is precisely why I chose him. It gives me a bit of lead-way to play with events and characters, without straying too far from Canon! :D
The Charlie/Bill love here has definitely turned in to a crowd favorite! I had no idea how well it would work out when I first wrote it, so I'm gald to see that it's gone off so well!!
You're absolutely right about his actions revealing his feelings; that's something I hadn't thought about before. I will most definitely take that into consideration when writing future chapters! Thank you!! And yes, I think those three words for Fred really DO reveal a lot.
Thank you SO, SO much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!! :D Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm avec your requested review!
I loved this opening I thought the sadness was beautifully written and you could almost feel their pain resonating through out it. It was also interesting to show how Charlie acted differently towards grief then how I thought he would have acted.
I liked how you wrote about Bill and Charlie's special bond as I always thought they were really close considering they were always the more mature and cool ones of the Weasley siblings. It also showed how Percy was always really the outsider never part of the younger clique and never part of this bond. I guess with that you could understand why he acted the way he did.
I'm glad you chose to write this from Charlie's point of view as I've never really read many stories about him, though it's mean to say he is the most forgotten about Weasley as he rarely features in the books. This is great though as we know relatively little about him you can have so much more creativity and imagination when writing about him.
I thought the length was perfect as if you carrried on writing it would have taken away the specialness this chapter had. I also think it flowed very well and it was very easy as you didn't get lost or bored!
I really enjoyed this story so keep it up! Kiana :)Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing this for me; and for doing it so quickly!!
I'm really glad that you loved the opening!! :)
I hadn't really thought about that before, but you're right; this does really show how Percy was kind of an outside... it kind of makes me pity him, now that I think about it. :( I'm thrilled that you liked how I wrote about Bill and Charlie's bond, though!!
I agree that there aren't many Charlie-love fics out there, which is part of the reason I chose to write about him. As you said, it leaves me more room to be creative! :D
I'm glad you found the length and flow to be good! Thank you SO MUCH!! Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie here with your requested review and since we've never spoken before, its lovely to meet you.
So, this is probably the second time today that someone has made me cry like a baby. I mean, this is precisely why I avoid writing about Fred's funeral/death because I'm far too emotional. And plus, there are so many feels...
Anyhoo, so Charlie! I have never read a story with him as a main character before! There was so much that we didn't know about him in the HP books and I always said that was such a shame. I was always curious about him and I think you've built his character up really well, adding in little traits here and there that make him seem as if I knew him already. The fact that he's more sensitive than he appears is a good break from him being the tough, unbreakable older brother. I really like that. What saddened me most was that he was blaming himself for Fred's death, I just couldnt' wrap my head around that because I knew that he had to be hurting far too much for me to even understand. I thought you did wonderfully on that too and I loved the bond that you showed us with Bill, I'd always figured that they were close and I liked to see them connecting.
I wish that Charlie had had time to tell him what was really bothering him though but then, there were other things happening. Like Fred's funeral! D':
I've read so many versions of his funeral, his family's reactions and none of them have focused solely on one character this way. The funeral itself isn't described in great detail and you leave us focusing on Charlie and I thought that was a really good move. I want to know more about what's going on in his mind and I really hope he'll be all right so thanks for leaving that rather tense ending. Just makes me want to read on! :D
So, I have no CC's for this, it was a smooth, wonderfully angsty ride. Please keep it up!
Much love and thanks for the great read,
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi there Gabbie! It's nice to meet you, too! Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing this for me; and for doing it so quickly!!
Oh no! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you cry!! If I'd known you avoid reading about Fred's death, I'd have warned you or something! :( I know exactly what you mean, though, I get really overly emotional at fics like this, too. But I promise, this is the only chapter that's like this!!
You know, I've never read a story with Charlie as the main character before, either (at least, not that I remember). I really felt it was time for a good Charlie/OC novel! :P I'm glad you feel that I've built his character up well!! And yes, I thought it was fitting for someone who works with dragons to be a little sensitive. :P
I'm glad you think I did a good job with the grief, as well as Charlie's connection with Bill! Don't worry, Charlie will eventually get to express what's been going on with him! (Oh no, please don't cry! :( *hugs*)
I was concerned about leaving out too much information about Fred's funeral, but I'm glad to see that it paid off. My intention with that was, of course, to focus in on Charlie. And he'll be all right; I promise!!
Yay for no CC's! :P I'll definitely keep it up!
Thank you SO much for your amazing and thoughtful review!! Report Review
Aw this was such a heartbreaking start to what I am sure is a lovely story.
I think this was all very realistic. I liked the way you showed the immediate aftermath to the war, and Charlie's pain. I like the way you've built upon Charlie's character, him feeling guilty for not saving Fred in time, and then not wanting to speak to anyone etc. The bond between Bill and Charlie was also portrayed well.
The emotions flowed effortlessly throughout your narrative and it was quite touching. The overall chapter pace, flow, and grammar was quite good.
I really liked reading this. It definitely struck a chord! I am sure the onward chapters are equally well-written and I hope I get the chance to read them :)
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hello again!! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this!!
I'm really glad that you found this to be realistic!! It's something I tried really hard to achieve while I was writing it!! Thank you for the comments on building Charlie's character, and the relationship between him and Bill!! :D
I'm So glad you liked it! Thank you SO MUCH!! Report Review
Well, that was a very emotional start for sure. There are not many Charlie fics around, so Charlie/OC is completely new territory for me. While we don't know much about Charlie from books, this scene certainly felt like a natural continuance to the battle of Hogwarts.
I liked Charlie's and Bill's brother-to-brother talk. It would be quite like the Weasleys to lean on each other when the disaster strikes. They are after all such a tight-knit family. I'm quite looking forward to learn more about Bill in upcoming chapters, since he seems to be the closest to Charlie. Arthur felt natural as a grieving father, and while we got only a short glimpse of others, it's perfectly understandable that Charlie shuts them out and just tries to get through it before breaking down.
It's pretty sad that he blames for himself for Fred's death. I don't remember from books, if he was in that particular battle, but since he was all the way in Romania, it's no wonder if came too late there.
Your writing was smooth and the flow was good throughout the chapter. It was an ideal starting point for a fic since it changes Charlie's life so much right from the start. I'm quite interested to see how you will introduce your OC to this fic.
It was a good read, and when I've more time, I will return to it and read more. =)Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this!!
Haha; I agree, this is a very emotional start. I got all emotional just writing it! :P And you're right, there aren't many Charlie fics out there... that's part of the reason I chose Charlie as the canon character... it gives me a little more lead-way as an author. I can play with events and characters somewhat while still making it believable!
Haha; everyone likes the Bill/Charlie love going on in this chapter! It actually came across much better than I thought it would, which is awesome!! And I'm so glad that Arthur and Charlie's reactions felt natural and believable!!
Yes, it's terrible that Charlie blames himself for Fred's death. You'll find out more about whether or not Charlie was in the battle in the next chapter! :) *winks*
EEk! I'm so excited that it's got you interested!! I look forward to reading more of your amazing and thoughtful reviews!!
Thank you SO MUCh! Report Review
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