I saw that you were having a bad day, so I decided to leave you a random in the hope that this will cheer you up! Then seeing that this was about Percy and was inspired by the brilliant Mumford & Sons I knew I had to read this!
I really liked how you described all the expectations Percy had upon him, as it made you view him a different light, as it made you think whether there wasn't anything he could do about his actions, as he was born like that. It also highlighted how different he is to his family, because no offence to family, and I love the Weasleys but there not overtly ambition, and seem quite content with their lives, but you never seem to feel that with Percy, and that's probably due to all the expectations held upon him.
I also really liked how you showed how the siblings grouped off, with Bill and Charlie being very close, and then the younger ones being close. Even though Percy seemed hurt that no one listened to him, it made me laugh, as I can just imagine the outraged expression on his face when they failed to listen to one of his speeches!
I then really liked how Percy viewed his family when on the ladder. We'll I didn't like the thoughts as they were anti-Weasley, but they seemed very fitting of him for that moment in time, and I can imagine him thinking that. By also seeing his thoughts, it allows you to put his actions into context, and perhaps have a little more sympathy for acting the way he did towards them.
Then the part about how easily people can be swayed into thinking lies were true was great. I loved the use of the word poisoned it just seemed to fit his situation so well.
Then his realisation was great, and it made you realise how horrible it must have been for him, and how he reached so high, and he couldn't turn back, and when h died he fell so far, and it culminated in Fred's death.
I thought the narration of the story was great, as it was a really unique way of doing it. I also loved the idea of the story as it was really original and a very interesting perspective to explore.
I'm really glad that I read this, and I hope this help cheer you up Rachel :')
P.s. sorry if there are any weird typos I wrote this on my phone :/Author's Response: Aaand I'm nearly a month late in responding to this, as well! I do get to all my responses eventually, but somehow they've been encroaching on me this semester. I swear I'll get it under control someday!
It was so nice of you to review this for me, and it truly did make a bad day so much better. ♥ I'm happy you enjoyed it, too! The prompt I received for this was too perfect for the sort of story I had in mind, and Percy is so underloved. I feel like more people should write about him; there is a severe shortage of Percy-centric stories out there. And people give him a lot of grief, too, but there WAS a lot resting on his shoulders. Speaking as someone with two sisters my age, it's not always easy to move beyond the association of being a triplet, and Percy probably felt much the same about being lumped under the Weasley umbrella. I'm more like Percy than any other canon character; I sympathize with him greatly.
He has a really heroic arc, too -- ascension to greatness, fall from grace, asking for forgiveness. Maybe heroic isn't the word I'm looking for, but it's something played out across the pages of other books besides Harry Potter. Was he a git? Absolutely. But he was a very human git, and he should get some credit for that.
I'm glad you liked the narrative style, too. :) One-shots are often my ways of experimenting with writing in a way that writing novels can't provide. There's less emphasis on continuing and keeping up a story and that leads me to focus more on the language itself, which is lovely.
Anyway! ♥ I'm grinning like mad just reading this again. You've no idea how much this meant to me, or that you were willing to do this FOR me. I'm lucky to count you among my friends! Report Review
Oh wow Rachel! This was a really cool way to tell this story. I really enjoyed the uniqueness of this story, it just really stood out to me. It was a very interesting idea to really show this side of Percy, I mean its very true to the books and how he was there but then on the other hand it just added so much more depth to him and really makes me feel for him. I know how hard it is to make something of yourself with older siblings and I could really feel for Percy because of that. Its so hard to try and be the best when all of your siblings are meant for greatness as well. The style of your story was wonderful as well, I enjoyed it a lot. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Another review from you -- how am I ever going to keep up? ♥ I'm really glad that you liked this, and especially so that you thought Percy was very much like his book self here. That was, of course, something I largely strove for, and it's great to hear you thought I accomplished it!
I know the feeling of being overshadowed and broadly categorized in regards to family, too, and those feelings were certainly at the forefront of my mind here. I have a huge amount of traits in common with Percy -- which perhaps isn't the best admission, to be sure, but it's true. :P He really is one of my favorite canon characters!
Anyway. That's a bit of a ramble, isn't it? Seriously, thank you so much for reviewing, and saying such lovely things about my writing! It means loads!! Report Review
This was one of the most well written one shots that I've read in a log while. In so few words you managed to create an entire world which came to crumble to the ground. The way in which you showed his ambitions, and how they crumpled to the ground, was really great. I think that Percy is one of the hardest 'big name' characters to find fics about, and yet I absolutely love reading about him. So thank you for doing justice to him with this piece. It was incredible.Author's Response: This review absolutely, completely made my day! I'm so happy that you took the time to read this, and even more glad you took the time to review. :) I adore Percy, and I actually find his character really fascinating, whereas most people just seem to think he kind of sucks. I agree with you -- it's very hard to find a really good Percy story!
So, so happy you enjoyed this! Seriously -- I can't tell you what it means to me that you reviewed. ♥ I am speechless at your review; it is too much. Hoping to see you back again quite soon, and thank you yet again! Report Review
I think, by the rate that I'm going with reviewing your stories, I'll probably review all of them one day soon :P I am addicted to the way you write.
Another beautiful, captivating, thought-provoking story here. I am running out of ways to commend you on your efforts in writing these stories! I used to really love reading about Percy because I found him so fascinating in an annoying way. But this story put him in a really different light. Fascinating, but not annoying. Not pompous, just committed.
I love "Timshel" by Mumford and Sons, as well as East of Eden, by the way! (James Dean, pwoar!) :DAuthor's Response: That comment -- "I am addicted to the way you write" -- that is literally one of the best compliments I can ever remember receiving about my writing. ♥ Seriously! I don't know how to properly convey to you how much that means to me.
Percy's always a character that, somewhat surprisingly, I've had a lot of sympathy for, and I've read so many stories where people paint him in rather unsympathetic lights. I suppose that's what I was trying to rectify here, somewhat. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, though, especially because you didn't find him annoying in this!
"Timshel" is such a beautiful song -- and I've heard "East of Eden" is great, though I've not yet read the book. :) Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave me a review on this story! You're fantastic!! Report Review
This is such a powerful story. Your focus on how the thing that could have been Percy's absolute savior--his ambition--was also the thing that in the end led him astray. Your portrayal of Percy as someone performing as much for society as for himself is heartbreaking and strangely canon--what pressure, to live up to the eldest Weasley brothers, to do something expected and still end up happy!
Ugh. Utter and completely goosebumps at the line--they are stones in your pockets, dead weight, cast them off. This makes it so real. The allusion to suicide and the family as the rocks that he is using to aid in his own destruction is horrifying--it's freakish, and it's so, so touching. I don't know how to say how I feel, but this line burns, brighter, hotter, than others are burning, and I feel it.
Usually I'm not thrilled with stories that step back from the person and give an overview of their life but you do it so magnificently, believably in one little, tiny one-shot. I am actually so confused and awed at how you managed to portray a lifetime and still be so personal in less than a thousand words. Let's look at what you've done in concrete terms, if only to help me understand (because I do already appreciate, which is half the struggle--more than half): you've taken us outside of the present into this timeless, true narration, and then coupled that with the strikingly intimate insight into Percy's mind with his conscience, as you've labeled it yourself. I tend to read things like this conscience as just another version of the self presented outside of the parenthesis, because nobody is ever just one self, and to me the conscience reads as self-destructive at least half the time. Which might be why you've labeled it as fallible, but I think it's more: I think it's a negative force, one that's desperate and sad and just wants to make a way for Percy in this world that's confusing and small and large all at once.
It's funny how as somebody who has also written Percy and who feels so much sympathy for him this also shows the dark, purposeful side of his decline. I do feel for him, I do feel sympathy, but I also seem to take a step back and reconsider him, make up my mind again. Even if I do come out on the same side as I was before, what I mean is that this one-shot makes me spend time with a version of Percy that does so much justice to his character (you're in the habit of providing that!) that I'm using what I learn from you to make judgements about the canon Percy. This rarely happens with fic, but, well, here I am, amazed as ever ♥
In a word: CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE INSPIRED BY ME AND I LOVE THIS AND I seriously sound like a broken record when I cut off my reviews to you because it's always the same. You're such a consistently dazzling writer, with so much insight for someone your age. I don't try to say that you're young because I think it's a point against you, or as a way to belittle--I say it, I suppose, to reinforce my amazement and appreciation. I find it strange how writers who are quiet and have particular lives can so branch outside of themselves and understand anybody, if they try hard enough.
♥ ♥Author's Response: I am going to make a poor effort to respond to this now, or else I'll lose my courage to do so. As it is early morning, however, do not expect too much -- BUT I WILL TRY ~
This is another instance where you've picked out one of my favorite lines from the story, and without any prompting on my part, too. ♥ That's definitely a small allusion to Virginia Woolf and just the general idea of her death, so of course you picked up on it! I do love that line about the stones, though; I'm fairly proud of it. :3
You've no idea how much 'Bereft' inspired this little story, even though, as you point out rather aptly, it portrays Percy in a slightly different light. I can distinctly remember, when setting out to write this in the first place, trotting back over to your little one-shot and having another quick read-through, just to get myself in the proper mindset.
I'm really quite fascinated by your points about the second self and the conscience, too, and I think that in a way the fallible nature of Percy's conscience -- its advising him against logic for most of the story, basically -- is very much a part of its self-destructive tendencies. (Hello, headache, I cannot explain myself today.) I have much sympathy for Percy, it is true, and yet that doesn't allow me to look at him through rose-colored glasses, you know? I can see his flaws as easily as I can see his merits, and I have very distinct suspicions that you analyze characters in this way, too.
♥ You are absolutely fabulous. Full stop. Thank you so much for coming and looking at this story for me, and being so generally lovely about it, and for being not only a huge inspiration to me but a great friend in the exchange. YOU ARE FANTASTIC, LILY.
&hoorts; Report Review
Absolutely loved it. Beautifully written. :)Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review this for me! I'm happy that you enjoyed it -- especially this story, I think, just because I DID write it in about an hour. :P Such a positive reaction for such a quick piece of writing is kind of blowing my mind!
Anyway. I honestly do appreciate getting to hear your opinion on this, and look forward to hearing from you in the future. Hope to see you back around my author's page soon! :3 Report Review
My proper reaction to this story would be something like "asdfghjkl", but I'll try to give it a decent translation into regular English, though I assure you that it's a challenge. Stories about Percy are fascinating because, of all the Weasleys, he is the one we could call "tainted", perhaps the most ambitious and least at-ease with himself. And that is exactly what you've shown here in a most extraordinary way. You've condensed Percy's life and trials into the search for that one elusive thing - his heart's desire - only for him to realize that he had it all along, and it was the thing he had neglected in his quest for something more. Gah, it's like the end of Great Expectations or some frustratingly brilliant modernist novel - ripping out your heart with carefully measured language.
This one-shot works so well because you take on a very Percy-like voice. You make use of free indirect discourse with a bit of stream of consciousness, all of the emotion kept in sharp restraint that becomes painful in those places when his frustration lashes out. But it begs the question what is the source of his frustration - is it his family, or himself? He's never satisfied, he tries so hard to be different that it destroys him. Ron does the same thing in DH, and it's something that's so understandable, it happens to everyone. This story shows how, of all the Weasley siblings, Percy ended up being the most real, the most human and flawed. Maybe that's why many people still don't like him - he did what many people do every day, except he was allowed to see his mistake and, most importantly, he had the strength to go back and admit that he was wrong.
The stylistic experiment you performed with this story is a great success. I'm envious that you were able to contain so much in less than a thousand words and still make it sound absolutely gorgeous. I love these kinds of stories, but to be honest, I usually see them in literary magazines, so you better be getting yourself into them pretty soon, too. This story and the style you've used is just the kind of thing the needs to be in print. ^_^Author's Response: Oh, I can already sense that I'm going to make a royal mess of this response. But I'll try my best! I definitely agree with you on what makes Percy fascinating -- and I think he is, as you said, the most human of all the Weasleys. So often they're painted as an idyllic and perfect family, but then there's Percy, who broke away from them to pursue his own aims. I think he was looking for something that he didn't realize he'd had all along; even though I might have phrased that a bit more poetically here than plain English normally would require, it's something I've always thought, however abstractly.
I'm so pleased to hear you found Percy in the voice of this story! That's always something I strive for, in anything I write, providing a voice. :) I'm trying something lately in which I don't focus so much on a story's word count, and just focus on the STORY itself. As long as it passes the 500-word minimum, then I won't fuss about how many more words come after it.
Your comment on literary magazines -- holy cow, you made my entire WEEK. ♥ Now that you've mentioned that, I've started brainstorming ways to turn this into an original story... it's something to think about. Thank you for bringing it up, and for encouraging that idea! And, of course, thank you for your review, too. I honestly cannot even tell you what it means to me to have a review from you, one of my favorite authors. It's so very appreciated!! Report Review
Gah, I loved this! How are you so talented? Seriously? You seem to be able to write everything and incredibly well. Everything of yours which I read I've adored.
I've always felt Percy gets the short stick amongst the Weasleys because he's the one who leaves and refuses to believe, but when he came back in the seventh book I was so unbelieveably happy. I dunno... he's a fascinating character and the way you've written him here is just incredible. Gah, he's clever and he's ambitious and he's so aware of his older siblings and he wants to be successful and do well. It's so real and so raw that I actually found myself sympathising with him, which I don't normally do.
I loved the whole ladder-to-the-stars idea as well. It fitted in so well, the idea that to be successful you reach the stars and that Percy wants to climb the ladder, but the ladder actually turns out to be nothing like as glamorous or as easy or as nice as he thought it would be. In that way, he's very naive.
But, gosh, I loved it. I loved your Percy and the way you portrayed him before he went to the Battle and before he went back home... it's just an incredible, incredible one-shot. I'll favourite it - I'm writing a note to myself for later :P
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Well... I don't know how to answer that question. :P But I'm so happy you like what I write! It's one of the best compliments ever, to hear somebody's enjoyed a story of mine.
I'll probably sound like a broken record when I say this, but Percy really is one of the fiction characters I identify most with, as far as wanting to stand out from his family and BE somebody -- those are very familiar feelings to me. Something I sometimes do in my writing is write in my own frustrations and feelings and hide them behind a mask of another character's words or thoughts, and it's kind of a way for me to sort my problems. So I'm glad you sympathized with him, because his concerns are very much real. :)
I've wanted to work 'ladder to the stars' into a story for at least six months now, and probably more, so I was chuffed to see it worked so well here! :D Stardust, ladder to the stars, reaching for the stars -- I think picking that first line out of the pool was nothing short of fate. ;)
Thank you so much for reviewing this for me! It really does mean a lot that you took the time to stop by here, and I'm seriously so pleased you enjoyed the story. ♥ Thank you!! Report Review
Oh wow! This was amazing!
The way you described Percy's feelings was just ... there's no words for how well you've done this.. I got gooesbumps!
I have never read a Percy story before but I'm so glad that I started with yours, the breathtaking brilliance of your desriptions made how he felt just so vivid in my mind, you could see how he felt like he needed to prove something better then his brothers and how he had been quick to believe everyone's lies. And how he felt at the end when everything came crashing down on him, My favourite part was when you described how the ladder was made with the bones of the innocent. That was just so immense!
Brilliant just brilliant, you are such a fantastic writer to get these feelings across with such few words. Did you win the challenge? I really hope you did :DAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you enjoyed this! I think that, for me personally, it's pretty easy to get into Percy's head because I identify with a LOT of what he goes through in the books. I've definitely had feelings of being overlooked and ignored in my family, of wanting to stick out, and it's almost like I can learn from it -- to watch out, before I go the same way.
I wrote this one-shot in a little over an hour or so, so all your compliments are basically tenfold in my eyes. :D For some reason, my quick-writes somehow end up being my most mellifluous and stylistic. Who knows why that is?
Gahh, you are immensely sweet. ♥ Thank you so much for taking the time to review this, and I'm very flattered to play host to your first Percy story! :) Report Review
What a wonderful, and powerful insight into Percy's character. I loved it.Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review this story for me! And I'm so glad that you liked it, too -- Percy's always been a favorite character of mine, partially because a lot of people dislike him, and partially because he's like me in a lot of ways. ;)
I'm happy that you described this as 'powerful'; that's such a lovely adjective to apply to something I wrote, and I honestly can't tell you just how awesome it is that you took the time to leave me your opinion here at all. It means a lot! ♥ Report Review
Hello! Congratulations on getting Featured One-Shot at TGS! I must admit, this thoroughly deserves it :)
I love Percy, I think he's really, really wonderful. He really does get completely blinded by some all-consuming force, which I guess in the end is just his own ambition. I think I like him so much though because he realises how wrong he was and though it hurts his pride to return he does so anyway. He knows deep down his family are important to him, and I love that you've replicated that in this piece, and so well too!
I love the starry, almost celestial and dreamlike imagery. Again it really impresses the feeling that there's a great omniscient power guiding all of this, and it's heightened by the bits in the brackets, inspiring even more doubt and drive in Percy. I also really love the way that at the end I feel as though we have come around in a full circle and yes he is repeating what people think of him but he knows better. Really, really lovely :)
I really enjoyed this! Congratulations, again :)
Laura xxxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! And thank you for reviewing this, too -- I saw Lily had written 'Bereft' as a gift for you, and seeing you over this way as well was really awesome, knowing you were a Percy fan. :) I'm glad you enjoyed this!
You and I seem to think of Percy in exactly the same terms! And I think that's important, because while he is repentant in the end, by no means do I want to gloss over the fact that he /did/ make mistakes, you know? It's the same way with Snape, really. And I really appreciate your comments on the imagery, too! There was something that tied it all very much together in my mind -- I'd been wanting to use the 'ladder to the stars' line for nearly a year, and getting the 'Stardust' title cinched that. :D
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this for me, once again! It really is so appreciated, and it's always awesome to hear such lovely things, no matter what. ♥ Hope to see you around soon, Laura! Report Review
Gah, this is almost like poetry, you know? It may have something to do with the way it's structured, or maybe just the flow of it all. But I loved it, even though I'm not always a fan of poetry.
Your words are just marvelous. They seem to melt into each other with each coming line, and I absolutely love the little parenthetical afterthoughts you've added to some of the paragraphs. Even though they almost disrupt the flow, it's a good kind of disruption.
I can definitely see why this was the featured one-shot! Your writing is just... gah. I could read it forever. Honestly, you make it seem so effortless. That, my dear, is true talent.
x RinAuthor's Response: That's such a high compliment! Really, thank you so much for saying that. :) There was a definite intent to give this a bit of a poetic style -- a narrative sort of poem, if you will -- and your saying so without prompting is great for me!
For something written in about an hour, I'm so happy at the reaction that this one-shot has received, and it's so nice to hear that you enjoyed it, too. I'll agree with you, I think, that the parentheses do provide a good kind of disruption, although it might be vain for me to say so. :P I'm so happy you stopped by to read this for me! Thanks as always for doing so, and I'll be ogling your lovely compliments for weeks to come. ♥ This means a lot to me!! Report Review
Oh, Rachel. This was simply gorgeous. I don't even know if I have the words to tell you how much I adored this piece. Stylistic experimentation is a success - you must write more fics like this. I love the stylistic parentheticals (this works so well as long as it's done well and it's perfect here) as Percy's conscience.
There are so many lines that I could pull out and claim as my favorite, but I think my actual favorite and one that reveals a lot to me about Percy's character is the line about him being the middleman, stuck between the great (Bill and Charlie) and the ordinary (the twins, Ron, Ginny). It's interesting to see how he views his siblings - never quite as successful as his older brothers and the frustration of never being taken seriously by his younger siblings.
Poor Percy. I just can't get over how well you've gotten into his head and everything is just so beautifully written - the ladder built of bones and he was just stepping on the innocent ones to reach the stars. Gah, so perfect.
I love this so much. Your writing never ceases to amaze me. You are just phenomenal.
As an aside, I'm not sure what Dylan Thomas poem you're referring to (and maybe you got confused?) but the whimpering of the world line reminds me more of one of my favorite poems, T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men - this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.Author's Response: I'm honestly so glad you liked this -- and even more that you took the time to leave it such a lovely and thought-out review. ♥ The parentheticals are really thanks to Mel, but it's great to hear you thought they worked well!
That middleman line's a big one to the story overall, I think (as much as there can be, since it's under 1,000 words), but I think it really does say a lot about Percy. If I might be so bold as to claim that, of course. :) And being stuck in the middle is something I've sort of dealt with, too, even though I really shouldn't have, so I can on some level relate to him in that way.
♥ You are too kind to me. Thank you so much for being willing to stop by and give this a shot! And for catching my poetic error -- I get lines of poems stuck in my head, and Dylan Thomas has been lurking about up there recently. :P Your reviews truly are so appreciated, and I'm always extremely happy to see your name pop up again!! Report Review
Rachel, Rachel, Rachel (H) x a billion.
This was fabulous, just fabulous. I adore Percy and really find a lot of my own personal traits in him (what a narcissist I sound like now), and this was such a gorgeous portrayal of him and his on-going battle with his own dreams and goals and the roots of his family and their morals. gahh. That bit about the bone ladder... I could hear it tinkling in the air as Percy climbed it and then fell.
As far as this as an experimentation with style, yesss. Write more stylistic things, please? Thank you so much for the credit in the Author's note, too! :)
All in all, your talents continue to floor me. Never stop writing, okay?
xoxoAuthor's Response: SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO RESPOND. ♥ Taking trips is something I love doing, but alas -- it is not always great for writing and such.
I'm so, so happy you liked this! I find a lot of myself in Percy, too -- arguably more than in any other Potter character -- and I don't think it's too narcissistic to say so. :3 Gahh, your compliments. I shall drink them in like nectar and just sit here and let myself stare at them.
I LOVE writing stylistic one-shots -- and actually, 'Break Out' is probably the most stylistic long-term thing I've ever done. It's just so extraordinarily fun to play around with words and phrasing and see what comes out, you know? (And of course you had to get mentioned, those parentheticals are all you! :D)
You are lovely. Period. ♥ Thank you so, so much for reviewing this for me, Mel! I'm so happy you took the time to! Report Review
I LOVE THIS ONE-SHOT SO MUCH! ACK THE FEELS!
First off Neil Gaimen is my writing God, he is better then any writer EVER, second off Stardust is such a wonderful book and third Percy Weasley is the best Weasley ever and that is not up for debate!
Throw in all these ingredients and add a bucket of angst and stir gently. You have the perfect one-shot.
I love those moment with his conscience, I love this whole thing, it's so wonderful and inspiring! You make me want to write even more now that I finished this. This one-shot inspires me. :D
The ladder crumbled beneath his world-weary feet, and the stars were not stars anymore, but stardust, remnants of former glory. Nothing but ash now, the whimper of the world’s end! (You are dust, Percy, dust.)Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I've admittedly not really read anything by Neil Gaiman, although 'The Graveyard Book' has been on my to-read list for quite some time. After writing this, I did go and read the first paragraph of 'Stardust' for comparison purposes... and I took his sentence in a much different direction, I found. :P Such is the writing life!
I'm so flattered to hear that this one-shot was inspiring to you -- I truly am. :) I'm really happy you liked it! I love Percy, as I'm sure I've told you at some point, and I've been wanting to write a Percy one-shot for some time. This was very nearly the perfect opportunity for it.
That last passage is one of my favorites. ♥ Thank you so much, once again, for taking the time to review this for me! I'm very, very pleased you did! Report Review
This is beautifully written and so heartbreaking. No matter what else Percy does, for the rest of his life, he will bear the cost of having turned away from his family until the very last day of the war. The consequences will always be with him, even though the mistake was a youthful folly at first, trying to set himself apart from his brothers.
"The eyes that watched him asked a different question when he took the time to listen: It's a funny thing about that ladder, isn't it, how it's built with the bones of the innocent? Will you stop and think for a minute, cease your thoughtless abandonment, before the world abandons you?"
This passage really struck me -- beautiful. Perhaps the double use of "abandon" might be changed? I'm of two minds about this, the repetition works on one level but if it were my story I might try playing around with synonyms for one of the uses. Also you might want to say "the eyes watching him" instead of "the eyes that watched him." Just a suggestion for flow. :)
I think that Percy's second thoughts in parentheses work extremely well, it's like a Greek chorus telling us where Percy knows he went wrong.
I hope you did extremely well in your challenge, this is a powerful little story! Thanks for requesting!Author's Response: Percy is basically the epitome of the prodigal son -- wow, that was a little brain revelation, I totally didn't mean to type those words! -- but you're so right. The things he did to his family, they're not going to just vanish. One of my most pondered questions in the HP fandom is how Percy must have felt about Fred's death. He missed a fair bit of his brother's adolescence because of his blindness, and now Fred's gone... It's a lot to think about.
The repetition of 'abandon' was definitely intentional there. :) And as for the other comment you mentioned, the story's in past tense, and so it works a bit better the way I have it -- but thank you for being willing to point out things like that! Nine times out of ten, I'll make a huge goof and won't notice it until a reader finds it. :D I'm pleased to hear you thought it was beautiful, though.
I'm glad you were willing to come by and leave me a review for this! Thank you very much, and I hope to see you around again. ♥ It means a lot to me! Report Review
First, I want to apologize. It is taking me forever to catch up with 'Red.' I hope to read the newest chapters by the end of next week.
was that he thought he knew what that meant
I'm taking part in this challenge too and I find it really interesting to create your own story based on one sentence from another book, another novel, from a wonderful work of literature.
I am very interested in Percy. I tend to read him in a more comedic light because I like to think that after the war he would have been with his family again and he would have tried to make up for his mistakes, would have tried to bring them the happiness they deserved. I'm not saying he would have replaced Fred but I think Percy had some humor in him.
I like this line because it defines Percy for me. I always used to see him as having rose-colored glasses on, his vision was blind because he thought he knew what he wanted so he went out to get it, no matter the consequences but he really didn't know what he was doing or what to expect.
Oh and this part was my favorite!
By the time he realized he was wrong (this is not your Heart’s Desire, Percy, repent, repent!), it was far too late. The ladder crumbled beneath his world-weary feet, and the stars were not stars anymore, but stardust, remnants of former glory. Nothing but ash now, the whimper of the world's end! (You are dust, Percy, dust.)
I love the use of repetition. It sounds so loud in my head every time I read 'Heart's Desire.' So powerful. I love the way you tied it towards the end and that his true heart's desire was to keep his family together instead of the work he did at the Ministry and he failed with both. Percy is such an interesting character and you've only made me want to go search for more stories about him on the archives. I just want to know more about him.
You never disappoint me, you know. I think you might have to be the first person I favorite as a 'favorite author.'Author's Response: Oh, please don't feel the need to apologize! We all get busy -- and there's certainly nothing obligating you to read that story. :) If you get to it, that's great, but if you don't, seriously don't worry about it!
I'd been wanting to write a Percy one-shot for a good amount of time, though with no real ideas for it, and I entered this challenge completely on a whim. When I got my assigned line, I knew EXACTLY where to go with it! It was one of those lucky things, I think. :D I'm very interested in Percy, too -- he's really quite a fascinating character once you get into his head, and really so many of JKR's characters are.
And he's so underloved in this fandom, I think, although I will say that he's been gaining much more attention recently. I'm so happy you liked this -- writing things in such a short time-span is always a bit nerve-wracking, but I've really just been having so much fun with my one-shots recently, and I'm so pleased with the way this one turned out.
I can't even begin to tell you how flattered I am that I was the first person you marked as a favorite author. Honestly, Deeds, that's just -- that's INCREDIBLE. ♥ Thank you so, so much, and thank you for being such an awesome reviewer on other stories, too. And not just my own -- you really are an inspiration, when it comes to reviewing. Keep up the fabulous work! Report Review
I read this a while ago but never reviewed because I felt like I would just blubber unintelligibly.
There was something atmospheric and the-stuff-of-dreams about this that I really liked, because it goes with Percy's view on life, shooting for the stars, constantly trying to rise above the obstacles he sees in his family and all around him. You portrayed that perfectly. He was not some villainous prat here but a person with serious flaws, who ended up owning those flaws and coming around. He's a Weasley just like all of his siblings; they are all so desperate to stand out and this was his way of doing so. Your descriptions and showing me inside his head made me love him all the more. I loved the bit about the sun-haired child and the ladder that he was already on the bottom rung of, and his foot already being out the door to go left - because those descriptions brought to mind something that is constantly moving, constantly climbing, which really speaks about who Percy is. He got so much flack, so much teasing, but all he ever wanted was to be special, and when he began to believe the poisoned lies, he genuinely felt like he was in the right, and that he was working toward the right path. The end bit, about his Heart's Desire really being to keep them all whole, was so, so sad. His struggle against what was his Heart's Desire and what wasn't was beautifully written and I'm so glad you take the time to make each character a person rather than a caricature. You do so much justice to canon.
♥Author's Response: Unintelligible blubber is the best kind of blubber. :3
I don't think it's an accident that all of my one-shots have been fairly atmospheric lately, although I couldn't really tell you /why/. (And a fair number of them are Weasley-based, aren't they? Huh.) And I'm going to tell you again just how happy I am that you just seem to have EXACTLY the same visions for a lot of these characters that I do. Percy wasn't a villain -- not by a long shot -- but was, as you said, a seriously flawed individual. Much like Snape, now I think about it, although their scenarios are quite different.
I'm so glad you appreciate the descriptions and characterizations, too -- I really do want people to see the /people/ inside these characters. And maybe it's a bit sad, but that's what they are to me -- they aren't just names in a book. I feel like I've come to know them as friends throughout my time with them, which is something every good book should do. -ramble ramble-
Thank you so much for reviewing this -- and you know you definitely didn't have to, which makes it that much more awesome. ♥ Your approval means I did my job! :D I'm so happy you liked this!! Report Review
That was gorgeous! The writing was so poetic, but also haunting in a way. I loved the lines that were Percy's conscience talking to him. The style of this whole one-shot was incredible, and it was different than anything I've read before. I can definitely picture this story being told to little witches and wizards long after Percy's time. Does that make sense? Also, I loved how Percy's view of his family and his life change as ambition takes over and twists his views of what is the right thing to do. This was an absolutely fabulous one-shot, and I can't wait to see what other styles you try in future stories! And I'm really excited for your Ron/Hermione story, too! This was brilliant, Jane! 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: I'm so happy you enjoyed this! :) I feel like a lot of my one-shots have been sort of lyrical and stylistic lately, and they're really fun to write. And then, of course, my other stories are just straightforward prose, and you know, those are fun to write, too. I just love writing in general -- what can I say? :)
I think that bit you said about being told to children long after Percy's time was great! Gah, that's one of the best comments I've received on this story. ♥ I loved getting into Percy's head and sort of exploring his motives, and he's such an interesting character to write about. In my opinion!
Thank you so, so much for reviewing this for me; I've loved seeing your name around here so often lately, and can't tell you what your support means to me. :3 You're amazing!! Report Review
Wow. You're awesome. I don't get to read this kind of genius every day!!
Percy's character was captured perfectly by the first line, and the way you expounded upon it in the rest of the story was spot-on. You have a fantastic tone, the kind that is fun to read while being thought-provoking.
Good luck in the challenge!!!
(Tag!)Author's Response: Ahaha, well, thank you! That's a really, really sweet thing to say. :) I'm glad you enjoyed Percy's character -- he's one I feel pretty close to overall, as far as characters go, and I really enjoyed the chance to dig deep and see what made him tick.
Thank you so much for taking the time to drop by and leave me a review on this! I'm really, really glad you did. :3 Hope to see you around soon! ♥ Report Review
So, I'm here to review your super speedy challenge entry!
Whoa. I am so utterly impressed and amazed at your writing, it is truly beautiful. I love the connection to Percy- I will never be able to read Stardust again without thinking of this-, and I love the imagery with stars and THIS LINE: 'Poisoned words through tainted lips.'- I am in love.
Gaaahhh, this is amazing. I especially liked the touch with the direct address to Percy inside brackets, and I love it.
I have never been so glad Percy came to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts, and realised his real Heart's Desire.
Amazing :)Author's Response: Wow -- thank you so much. :) I've never read Stardust before, but I actually went and looked at the opening paragraph after writing this... and was very surprised to see how different it was from what I wrote!
You are much too kind. ♥ I'm seriously just so happy you liked this so much! I love the parentheticals -- this may or may not sound bigoted, but I really do feel like they tie the whole thing together.
I loved the quote I got assigned for this, and I was literally going into this wanting an excuse to write a Percy one-shot, so this worked out PERFECTLY! Thanks for such a great challenge, and I'm already eagerly awaiting the results!
Again, glad you enjoyed it! ♥ Thanks so much! Report Review
Hi Jane! I'm here with your requested review :)
This is a great one-shot. I love how you've taken the theme of sibling rivalry, which almost everyone can relate to, to the extreme. The line about how Percy stands between the great and the ordinary was perfect - he has to be better than his elder brothers, or at least on par with them, but he's also responsible for teaching his younger siblings. I can easily see how someone under that kind of pressure would strive to achieve greatness, whatever the cost. I can also see how influences like fame and acceptance could poison that person.
I liked the parenthetical thoughts, too. Again, I think under that kind of pressure, someone probably would have the metaphorical angel and devil on either shoulder, telling him or her how right or wrong each decision is and adding to the pressure. In the end, Percy gave up everything in pursuit of his dream, even himself. When it was time to pick up the pieces, he had so little left.
I loved your imagery, especially your references to the dust and the whimpering world. I didn't see any technical issues, though I didn't expect to see any, and I thought the flow was very nice here.
Awesome work! I hope this review is helpful :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Bonjour! :3 I've said this many times, especially in responding to these reviews, but I do think I'm a lot like Percy, sibling rivalry included. He's just... gah. He's /me/. :P And it was really easy to get into his head and try and figure out his motivations, which I think is part of the reason this story came to my fingers so quickly. I was basically writing a warning for, well, myself.
Ooh, I totally, totally love that idea of the metaphorical devil/angel -- I know now that's totally what I was thinking of, even though I never articulated it. You're brill! :)
Thanks so much for being willing to do this, and I'm happy you liked the story! Hope to see you around soon! ♥ Report Review
Great capture of Percy. I think it nails him perfectly! Loved the references, too. For a one-shot in one sitting, this is quite a piece.Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming by to review this! I love exploring the Potter characters -- there's just so much behind the scenes -- and Percy is, to me, especially interesting. I don't know if I've got a better grip on what drives him or not, but it was fun to speculate. :)
And thus, this is what I do at work... when avoiding work! Thanks again for the review, I'm glad to see you stop by again! Report Review
Hi, StormThief here with your review! :)
Wow! This was very good! It is a very different style than what I usually read, but very refreshing. The use of metaphors was skillful, and I especially liked "He moved through life fueled on the words and praise of them, that faceless mass that both plants and uproots the stuff of dreams". It really made me think!
My favorite line was "And by setting out to gain it--it vanished." That just blew me away. It was a perfect ending!
I really can't find much wrong with it! I wish it were longer because I enjoyed it so much, but the length works great for the story. Good job! Sorry I don't have any constructive criticism to offer, this was just a fantastic story! Keep it up!
~StormThief17Author's Response: Thanks so much for leaving such a speedy review -- I'm very happy you liked it! My one-shots always end up a bit different than my longer stories; whereas things like 'Leaping Obstacles' and 'In The Black' are fairly straightforward prose, I've been getting a bit more whimsical with these of late. It's just fun. :D
I worked very hard on that ending line, and I'm glad you appreciated it! And no worries about the lack of constructive criticism -- hard to complain about that. ;) Thanks again for taking the time to stop off with a review! Report Review
There is really no point in my leaving a review. Why, you ask? Because you already know what I'm going to say. Amazing, fantastic, and hauntingly beautiful. Absolute perfection. The tone in this matches Percy's state of mind... or at least, what I'd expect his state of mind would be. Another well-written, flawless piece! 10/10!Author's Response: Ahh, Jayde! I'm so pleased you took the time to read this -- I know you definitely didn't have to, and yet seeing your name here really made my day!
Gah, thank you so much for all your kind words. ♥ I'm happy you enjoyed it, too! I love Percy, and he just needs more stories about him. Trufax. Thanks so much for being so awesome! ♥ (Two hearts in this paragraph, because you deserve them!) Report Review
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