Love this so much! Thank you for the feelings! :) Report Review
Hey, here for the tag.
I think this is a wonderful premise and idea. Taking a character we know nothing about and connecting her with a well-known and well-loved character always makes for an interesting story. I can believe that Madam Pomfrey felt more symptahy toward Remus than any other of her patients because of his affliction. Some of his emotions were nicely described. But there were a few glaring errors that took away from the story, and also the fact that we didn't learn anything new, because we all knew these things. it's like madame pomfrey just recited what happened to Remus, without revealing her perspective on it and her emotions and background. I think you should re-visit this fic and give it some thought, and then it could be really great. Kudos for coming up with an idea I haven't seen before. It grabbed my attention right away. When a writer has unique ideas, it's always a great thing.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and a lot of people said that there was errors, I just didn't get to them yet.
~Phoenix Report Review
That was good... :) A few things to look out for though, the use of parenthesis in every sentence draws away from your tale, maybe use italics or a breakaway sentence? but overall excellent story. I think I will venture into your other stories for a read. ~ Lady :3Author's Response: Thanks You!
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Hi there! Here for review tag!
This story has a very interesting premises. I think Poppy Pomfrey is one of those characters that can be fascinating to read about for the lack of information we acquire throughout the books. It gives us a chance to play with creativity a bit more. I've always thought that Madam Pomfrey would, in fact, favor Remus. She watched him suffer so much more than her potions and spells could fix, and I loved the natural feeling of care she displayed for him throughout this.
You do have a few grammatical issues that could use a second look. Things like leaving a letter lowercase after a period, capitalizing a letter after a comma when it should be lowercase, and some issues with punctuating dialogue. Getting a handle on those errors would really smooth the read out, and let your reader be submerged further into your story as opposed to getting distracted by these things.
Remus's pain after Lily and James were murdered (gah, those are two characters that I can't help but get emotional over) was a very nice touch. I like that throughout you kept in mind that Remus had an incredibly difficult life, and let that become part of the story.
One last thing, and this is just a suggestion. Usually asking a specific question regarding the story in your AN, like: "Did you guys like my characterization of Poppy Pomfrey?" or "What did you all think about Remus telling Madam Pomfrey about the Marauders transforming?" -- that can generate more reviews that commenting that people are a jerk if they read it and don't review ;).
This was a nice little read!
JamiAuthor's Response: Wow! A long review!
Well, this was my first one-shot, and after I wrote it, I pretty much forgot about it. Then, after I started the review tag thing, almost everyone is reading it! Wow huh?
Well, back then I was horrid with typing with the computer and writing out on something as well. And I didn't get to edit this because I was to busy with my latest stories.
I completely forgot about me telling people to review and if-you-don't-you-are-a-jerk thing. I guess I wrote that because I was in boarding school at the time and was really cranky, and the fact that back then I only got, like, 1 review every month or two didn't help.
I will make changes as soon as I have time (or feel like it) and I am really happy that you reviewed this story.
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Well, this is a great premise. I liked how the tone mimicked the way a gandmother would tell a story to a small child on a rainy day by the fireplace after being begged for hours to do so...haha ok my imagination is getting carried away but what I mean is that it was just such a sweet, simple tone.
That being said,a few glaring issues stood out for me. I know you said this was your first ever first shot, but one can always improve,amiright? ;)
1)First of all,the story tells us nothing we didn't already know from the books. It is basically a list of Remus' major life events. The lack of fill-in-the-gaps details or just some emotional juice really takes away from the story. It would have been enough to just add one or two events that fit with HP but were never in the books.
2) Mm Pomfrey doesn't seem to have much of a character, or a life? I love minor characters, so I was really looking forward to geting to know her when I began reading thsi one-shot.
3) The relationship between Remus and Mm Pomfrey is really taken for grantedand hardly explored at all. Whywas he her favourite? Did anything happen that bound them together? Etc.
This might all sound like a lot of critique, but all I am saying is this: details could really spice up this story! Details details details!
Cheers!Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
First off, I nearly forgot about this one-shot. I didn't think people would read it, and pretty much nobody did.
This was my first thing I ever wrote, so yeah, lots of issues. I mainly wanted to point out only the major events, with a slight perspevtive of Madam Promfey.
I am horrid with details.
So just to wrap this up: Thanks for the awesome review, and I will check the story over when I have time. Report Review
Hi! I came from the Gryffie Common Room review tag! =)
The first of all, the idea of writing Remus's story from Madam Pomfrey's point of view is a really good idea. It would have been fun to know more about Madam as well, since she gets so little airtime in the books.
I recommend that you proofread this one-shot once more, since there was quite a lot of tiny errors. You can ask someone from the beta thread on the forums to read it for you, if you need some help with it.
Consider if using all the parentheses is necessary in the text. Using them abundantly breaks the flow of the story. Same thing goes with the ellipses.
With some rereading this fic could be really nice one. As it is, it was a fun read. =)Author's Response: Hi!
First off, thanks so much for the review! I just loved the idea of Madame Promfey, so I wrote it down!
And, I know I need to edit it, I just don't feel like it. :P
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Here for the review swap! I never really think about Madame Pomfrey, so this was really interesting - her relationship with Remus, though I never thought about it until now, must have been very intense.
This is such an interesting idea, and you paired it with quite informal language, which really brought the woman behind the title "Madame Pomfrey". She's such a maternal figure, and the way you've written her is very convincing.
I realise this is your first one shot, so youve probably changed a bit since then, but id recommend in future making your language a little less relaxed and conversation in a piece this character driven.
Really glad I got the oppertunity to read this!Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review! we should do it more often!
I think I might of changed a little... :)
I don't know madame promfey that much either... :P But I read a few stories to write this down...
~Phoenix Report Review
Liked it, Poppy is totally underratedAuthor's Response: Yay! Someone liked it!!
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