Iím finally here! Obviously we know Iím a cheater and have already read this chapter, but thatís okay because now I can leave a running review!
I LOVE Ron and Ginny building a fort together. Itís so cute, both the fort and the two babies of the family already sort of forming this special bond. And Arthurís guess for the password, not only was that such a father thing to say, but it was so Arthur it just made me want to hug him.
And of course, when in a pinch, bribe with chocolate. People have been using that on my for the last two+ decades of my life, so we know it works. Ginny seems like the one who enforces the fort rules in this. Itís really cute, and very true to character.
Arthurís evening almost just got a lot more difficult. Quick thinking, on his part. I think adding in that little argument was the perfect reminder that these are two young siblings, and keeping from giving them too much of a Ďfriendí feeling. You know your characters so well, I swear you must just sit there and chat with them while you write this and ask them what they want to do next. Did that make sense anywhere other than my head?
I love the idea of Percy being like Arthurís own father. Percyís making a list and quickly smoothing his hair... again with you small details that just make these characters canon. I just want to sit here with my mouth open and gawk at your writing.
Hahaha Arthur always wants to believe the best in his boys. He knows as well as Molly how necessary this conversation is, but part of him is hoping that maybe it will all just be okay. Heís such a darling man.
Percy is being pompous about being a prefect even before he is one! Only percy...
I love how nervous Fred and George are about separating. Thereís strength in numbers, especially with those two. I just love them Sarah. I love how you write them and I want to hug you the whole time I read them.
Arthurís reaction to finding George and Fredís sneakily hidden treasures is so perfect. Itís just like when Molly told him that theyíd flown the car to get Harry. He tries to put on the stern parent face, because itís NOT okay, but at the same time heís a bit amazed by his children and he just canít hide that. SARAH. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH.
SCABBERS. So weird. So so so weird that thatís Peter. Look Sarah, our stories have joined!
George had a gentle, permeating glow; Fred burned brightly, simultaneously astonishing and warming everyone around him.
I swear Iím seconds away from crying. Why are you doing this to me? You are such an incredible writer, Sarah. You give me so many emotions I donít even know what to do with them :(
Your connection between Arthur and Fred was so amazing in this. I could feel so easily the love Arthur has for his son, and how much Fred loves his dad. It was like I was there, sharing this very private moment between them. Fred grows up so much in his short, way too short, life. But right now heís just a perfect child, who his dad adores more than anything, along with all his other perfect children.
Gah. Iím warm and happy, but sad and teary all at the same time. I donít know what to do with myself, now ♥ OR YOU.Author's Response: And I'm finally here! Yay! I like running reviews. Well... we know I like leaving them.
I enjoyed giving a little glimpse of Ron and Ginny banding together as the two youngest of the family. But I think Ginny would definitely be in charge most of the time! She's got Arthur wrapped around her little finger - but then, I think most of his kids do. Ginny may be slightly based on my sister here, now that I think about it!
I know it sounds really silly, but I do just sort of imagine what the Weasleys are doing and watch them doing it. And then I write it down. Yep, I'm crazy.
Aw, 'darling man' is such a good way of describing Arthur. And your observation about Percy made me laugh - I think the kid has real ideas about what he wants and deserves in life! I think, even though he's the third of seven children, he's actually the middle child.
But! This is Fred's chapter so I'll get back to him. I think what you said about strength in numbers is so true for those two! Haha. It was funny trying to write this chapter, but it's a tricky one - the war is long over and life is back to normal, but it's still a really important day for our naughty twins and their parents.
I'm so happy that you felt the connection between Arthur and Fred. I really feel that, as proud as he is of all his children, he's blown away by Fred (and George). Their intelligence and creativity are very much like him and his tinkering with Muggle objects.
And... thank you! So much! For being ever so lovely :) Report Review
Ohmygod, this story is so adorable!
I love Arthur and Molly and all the Weasleys.
They're just all so freakin' cute. And when he finds the dungbombs and other stuff, he doesn't tell him off, just not to do it in Mcgonagall's class.
"The twins had cut little holes in a red and yellow striped sock, and the creature was wearing it like a knitted pullover." - If I was Arthur, I wouldn't have told Fred off, I mean that is so cute!!
"even as babies, Arthur would often find them holding hands in their sleep." - I can't even find the words, this sentence is just asdfghjkl. It's so perfect and then when you think Fred and George will never be together again and all the feels come back and it's just asdfghjkl again.
You're chacterisation is amazing, each and every one of them are so perfect it's like Jk wrote this herself!!! And each of the children are just adorable, I like how you put Alice and Frank in there as well. And her with the sweets :D
I'm definitely adding this to my faves!
Soph xxAuthor's Response: Hi Soph! Thanks so much for stopping by to read and review.
I also love Arthur and Molly and all the Weasleys ;) They *are* cute!
Hahaha it is really a sweet image - it's quite funny when you think that's Peter Pettigrew dressed in a sock.
Ohhh yeah. Fred and George asdfghjkl-ing. Sigh :'(
Your comment about JK Rowling made me very very happy, I did a little dance here on my sofa! Hahaha. You're too kind, thank you so much. I really am glad you enjoyed this story so far. George's chapter is planned and on the way!
Sarah Report Review
A tiny old man was sitting forlornly on the bed, blue eyes worried behind a great fluffy pair of eyebrows and a long white beard. Arthur stifled a laugh, aware of the sleeping toddler in his arms.
^ For a second I thought he was supposed to be Dumbledore! Haha.
I loved this chapter. It started off kind of dark and it took me awhile to realize the date. I didn't connect the year and Halloween with Harry at all until I got to the end and then everything just crashed around me.
Dark times. Very dark times and at the Burrow you have Arthur and Molly trying to steer their family away from the worries and just live.
It was chilling to read the end and then think of Percy reading '...and the wizards and witches of the kingdom were safe and happy forever after.'
It just wrapped up everything in this chapter because though it was a hard time and a terrible tragedy that's how they would soon feel. They sincerly thought Voldemort was gone and everyone would be safe. It's a comfort, a false one though until Harry becomes 11.
There were so many connections in this chapter it was really interesting to read. I can't wait to read Fred and George's part (or parts if you do one chapter for each).Author's Response: Hi Deeds :) thanks for reviewing again, you are sweet.
I know, I did even think of Dumbledore, but then I thought that would be so weird- like me dressing up one of my children as my old Headmaster, Mr Cooke. So Merlin it was! I think it was Percy's choice, he wanted to be someone clever (and a Slytherin to boot, but I doubt Percy would have known that!)
Everything crashed around you? Wow. It is a bit of a moment when something like that comes together!
'They sincerly thought Voldemort was gone and everyone would be safe.' - this is so sad and so true!
I'm glad you found this chapter interesting, as well as enjoying it. Fred and George are having separate chapters - they'll be a little while, but they are being worked on!
Thanks for continuing to read and review, it means a lot to me! Athene xo Report Review
This chapter started off dark and ominous, was heart-warming in the middle and the end was just chilling. You did a wonderful job of taking me on an emotional roller coaster.
It took me a little while to place this chapter in time. I guess I was expecting Percy to be younger, as Bill and Charlie were in their respective chapters. But once I figured it out, everything made perfect sense. This is clearly set in the very darkest days of the first war. Arthur's experiences at work highlight that perfectly. The fear and anxiety were palpable.
But in the midst of it, such a terrific celebration at the Burrow. Although you haven't spent much time focusing on Molly directly, everything you write about her is pitch-perfect. Ginny must have been very young in this, not more than a few months. Yet Molly is able to pull together this wonderful evening of activities for the children. She is the consummate mother, and something of a machine, I have to say.
Little Percy was terrific. I loved his precociousness. I loved his choice of Halloween costume. I loved the way that he was so put out by not getting his reading lesson. Everything about him fit so perfectly and really built him up in the direction we know he ultimately finds in life.
And the ending... it sent chills down my spine. I often wondered how the wizarding world at large found out about the Potters' deaths and Harry's survival. The fact that Arthur's first thought was of the Potters' son was so perfect following on his realization that his children were keeping him from aging even faster under the strain of war.
This chapter was terrific! Your writing was great. It all flowed wonderfully and it was free of any mistakes that I could find. Wait a sec, wasn't I supposed to just not comment when your writing was good? OK, forget I said anything. ;)
Can't wait to read the twins' story...Author's Response: Hi!
Emotional roller-coasters are good ...I was worried that this was a bit of short chapter, but from your comment I seem to have packed enough in, so that's good!
In terms of Percy's age, I can see why that might be a bit unclear at first. As this story continues, it will be more clear that as time goes by, so each of the central kid to the chapter will be getting older. If that makes sense. So, we've got baby Bill, toddler Charlie, little Percy etc. :)
Molly is slightly scary, the amount of stuff she can get done. I suppose having a wand makes things slightly easier than being a non-magical mum of 7, but only marginally! She's a very hard worker. If she'd devoted her life to politics rather than children, she'd probably be the supreme ruler of the universe. And yeah, Ginny's about 10 weeks old.
Isn't Percy kind of adorable? I'm glad you liked him here.
I know that there were lots of celebrations after Voldemort disappeared, but I imagine also that the whole community would experience a sort of shell-shock. I know that if it were me, it would take a while for me to be happy leaving my house again! I've not written about it, but I can imagine it would be strange for Molly and Arthur to be able to really bring their kids out into the world for the first time.
Haha, stop commenting on the writing! I joke, please comment all you like.
Thanks for the review and the encouragement, I'm struggling slightly with the twins at the moment! (story of Molly's life, I know) Report Review
First, I have to say that, since Halloween is my favorite holiday of all time (even though I'm a huge Marauder nerd and things kinda...fell apart on that day in such a horrible way) I LOVE this chapter since you kind of juxtapositioned it with the fun and wild holiday with the 'least' fun and wild Weasley. And the COSTUMES are such a perfect fit for everyone - I mean there's Percy with his ambition and admiration for great wizards...Fred and George as little night terrors (te he!) Charlie-dragon is a given and Bill the big strong Quidditch man. Molly the cat and RON! Ronikins and all things food and pumpkin-related! I could see his siblings teasing the CRUD out of him for it and yet I just want to smoosh him! Only think I'd have like to have seen is a baby Gin done up as something. I know she's the baby, but that never stopped my parents trussing me up!
I have to say I think one of my favorite moments was when Percy started complaining about not getting his reading lesson in - and how he TRIED to read to Ron but he kept 'rolling away from him'. I just...it sort of echos how they try and not listen to Percy when he gets older wether you meant that or not.
The ending of this is so forlorn and sad - it's just. You KNOW it's coming as member of the fandom, but it's STILL done in a way that you rarely see. There are certainly stories out there of how Sirius finds out, and how Remus does - but what about other Order Members. Or, like this, the average wizarding family. And they don't even know how influential they're going to be for the Potter's baby in the future.
Now, I would like to finish up with sort of a question/comment/querie. I think I've been noticing a theme, such as the different ages and time periods idea, but I can't be sure - because it's so subtly done (or not there at all and I am reading into things WAY too much) that I had to go back and read over the other two chapters. It seems like the different elements that you portray Arthur with in interacting with his children makes me think that you're showing him mirroring those traits the children have or WILL have when they're older. Let me explain - it's most obvious in this chapter, as we have Arthur being so patient and focused and attentive on listening to Percy, and showing a slightly more 'intellectual, focused' side - which are good traits that Percy definitely has. With Charlie, we saw him in the midst of a meeting where technically what he is doing is highly dangerous, delicate work - he's taking risks to do what he feels he can - which Charlie learns to work with when he goes running off to Romania. Bill was harder, because he's a baby, of course, in the focus on him, but in that we see Arthur ready to take charge and defend his family, take charge and in some ways be a leader - which we see Bill doing with his brothers, and imagine he does with Fleur and the girls/Louis later on!
I could be off, but it was an interesting trait I saw, so I'd thought I'd mention it. As always, I think everything spelling related is practically flawless.Author's Response: Hi again! You have been busy ;) And such lovely long reviews too, thank you!
I really enjoyed thinking of each of the Weasleys costumes and I did consider giving Ginny a costume too... I mean, she's 10 weeks old at this point, get with the programme Weasley parents! But as I was getting to the really sombre part of the story, I didn't want to overload it with another costume, if you see what I mean. If you like, you can imagine that she's dressed as a Snitch, with a little pair of wings sprouting from her golden romper suit. Arthur had to have a sharp word with an overexcited Bill to stop him from holding her in the air, claiming 'I caught the Snitch!'.
Yeah, even little Percy finds it hard to get his brothers attention! Bless him. In your review of An Ordinary Grey Rat, you mention the similarities between Percy and Ron (by the way, you're very clever and have a great analytical mind) and I think this another one of those moments. Ron also feels like he doesn't have much of a voice amongst his siblings, and it's meeting and befriending Harry & Hermione that brings out the best in him. Percy doesn't have friends like that, so he ends up channelling his energies and his voice into slightly misguided activities!
I liked the idea of Arthur not knowing much about the Potter baby, when it was only a matter of years before he became their ipso facto seventh son!
I have to say, you're finding things in my writing that make me look a lot cleverer than I actually am - you're bang on with the different ages, but I didn't purposely alter Arthur to fit with each kid. Now that you say it, that's exactly what I've been doing! Aren't I a genius?! :P In fact, looking at the plan for my Fred chapter, I've done the same again. I officially love your reviews, they help me see things in a whole new way.
Seriously Kat, you're one clever and insightful bunny. Glad you enjoyed this :) Report Review
Well we've already been over how angry I was at you for not mentally preparing me, so I guess I won't go over that again... ;),
Arthur is so lovable, his patience and the obvious joy of fatherhood you show makes him such a wonderful character to read about. The ease you seem to portray when writing about these characters is incredible. This is such a large part of the books and so well known but you never falter with the canon selves and you strengthen them so much. You really have an amazing sense of who these people are.
Percy wanting his reading lesson! I don't know if anything could have been more precious than imagining a five year old Percy with his beard and eyebrows, so concerned about learning. My heart melted! I went, aw. I just want to be there!
You transitioned from the softness of the moment into the controlled fear that the owl coming late at night caused, perfectly. I could feel Arthur forcing himself to maintain a calm and attentive exterior to his son, but his insides were twisting and frightened. It's really sad to think about how much both wars put this family through.
And we know what that something else is. He got the Potters. You have me chills :(. Why couldn't you just have made them live?! ;)
I can't wait for the next one!!Author's Response: Okay, from now on just light some candles and take a few breaths before you read any of my writing. I keep upsetting you! :P
Arthur is loveable, indeed... that's why I love to write him! But I'm happy that you find him loveable too :D Thank you for your comment on my... I don't know, 'relationship'?... with the Weasleys. I guess they're just my happy place, even when things are bad at the Burrow. So I enjoy getting to know them and spend time with them.
I know, isn't Percy a sweety?! Nothing more darling than a very serious, earnest child. They're so unintentionally funny, and usually very kind too. The idea of him taking over the reading actually comes from my childhood - my uncle was reading The Lion King to me when I was about 4, but he kept mispronouncing Mufasa and Rafiki, so I sighed and took the book to read it to him instead! :P
I know, the poor Weasleys. They really do go through it; barely a Weasley escapes unscathed, literally. But they have each other, which is why they survive and thrive (see my other opus, Growing Gathering :P :P :P ).
Ugh, he got the Potters. I know. So desperately sad. I would have loved to make them live, but you know me and canon! What I'm doing to Draco in my new story makes me slightly uncomfortable, but it's not not-canon, if you see what I mean!
Thanks Jami for your continuing reads, reviews and support. You've turned HPFF from a place I like to a place I love!
Xx Report Review
I saw your status and wanted to pop by to read this quickly before I leave for work, so this review probably won't be terribly long. I adored this chapter!! It was so interesting to see such a fateful night from another wizarding family's perspective... I could not imagine living as all of the wizarding families associated with the order or its members are. It's all very moving -- Arthur's thoughts when he hears of Lily and James' death, that they had a child really showcased his fatherly instincts. I got the feel that Arthur must have thought of his own family, of his babies when Molly gave the news.
On a lighter note, I think your little portrayal of Haloween was brilliant -- especially all the children's (and Molly's) costumes. I absolutely giggled out loud when I pictured young percy dressed in a beard and eyebrows. And a little charlie dragon!! Too cute. :) Story time with Percy was a precious moment... sort of symbolic of the necessity for life to move forward. Sure, there's a war going on, and witches and wizards are dying... but there are children who need to be enriched... who need to learn to read and to imagine. Very lovely touch. Also, the closing line of the Babbity story lay in such contrast to the immediate atmosphere of this chapter, but was perfect because in a way, it almost prophecies the future: Ď...and the wizards and witches of the kingdom were safe and happy forever after.í And just now I am reminded of the closing line of the series, of Harry's All is Well and ahh... it just all fits together so wonderfully.
Well done!Author's Response: Hi Melissa! Don't worry, this is a lovely sized review! :P
I think you're right about Arthur, he'd think of his own children when he presumed that Harry had been killed, and that would be awful I think!
I really enjoyed thinking of the costumes! I think little Percy is my favourite, I wish I could draw better than I can or I'd draw a chapter illustration for this one! I think little Percy is a sweetie, so earnest, and I wanted to portray that side of him.
That's the thing about humankind - no matter what happens, what danger they live in, children need to be raised. That's what most people fight for, I think.
I love your point about the closing line of Babbity Rabbity (incidentally, I made it up as I remembered that of course Percy wouldn't have the Hermione Weasley translation/adaptation!) ...it makes me feel clever even though I'm not sure I made a conscious decision about creating a contrast and a prophecy at the same time! Heehee.
Thank you for continuing to read and review, it does mean a lot to me!
Sarah xo Report Review
Hi, there! Back for some more wonderful, heart-warming Weasley moments. And adding to the reviewing challenge, besides!
I thought the way your portrayed Frank and Alice was pretty endearing. She definitely comes across as motherly, whereas he seems a bit out of his element. I always love reading the two of them, because they've been reduced to empty shells by the time of the books. The way you portray Frank makes me imagine Neville's first year of life, before the Death Eater attack. He must have been more his mother's child.
I really loved the entire exchange where Arthur is offering his thoughts on Lucius Malfoy. The idea of Lucius as a sneaky, arrogant student who gets put in detention by Frank is so amusing. He must have been mortified. Although it sounds like Frank had some misbehavior of his own. Arthur's passion for the cause is obvious, although it seems like his reasons to suspect Lucius are a bit thin. Still, I liked the way that he pressed Frank and Alice to listen.
Bill and Charlie are so cute! There's nothing more interesting than a big, hairy, scary bug to a little boy. And when you can use it to torment your younger siblings, so much the better!
Hah! Everyone is terrified of pregnant Molly! With good reason, I suppose. I certainly wouldn't go there.
Alice knows exactly how to manage little boys! She's a natural! And the way that Charlie responds to his brother stealing his treat... wow, I absolutely did not see that coming! Very cleverly done! It fit perfectly with the man that Charlie later becomes, as well as seeming very consistent with the way that magic is supposed to first manifest itself in children. Even Molly can't be too angry about it!
Suggestions? I guess I would have liked to find out a little more about what Arthur was doing to investigate Lucius. Given that this is really an Arthur and Molly story, the way it's currently written leaves me hanging just a bit. Is Arthur really onto something or just overly suspicious because Lucius is an arrogant, obnoxious fanatic? How is he really taking part at this very early stage of the war?
Your writing was wonderful. I didn't see any typos or spelling or grammar errors and everything flowed smoothly. The piece definitely felt shorter than it really was.
Lovely work! I shall be back!Author's Response: Hi hi hi!
I'd like to think that Frank would have liked his own kid more than he likes other peoples, but yeah- I just get the impression of a real closeness between Neville and his mum. Having spent some time thinking about the Longbottoms and enjoying writing them, I can't really bear to think about what happened to them in the end!
I do agree that Arthur's reasons for going after Lucius Malfoy do sound a bit thin (although he's probably right!)... I'm putting it down to the fact that Arthur is keen to help the Order, really dislikes the guy and is young enough to let that, in addition to his suspicions, sway him. I guess the Longbottoms know and trust him. This is worth me thinking about though, so thanks for pointing it out!
I will also think about expanding a little on Arthur's role in the war. As far as I'm concerned, he's trying to help the Order but can't afford to get too involved as the family are already a target due to their connection to the Prewetts, and with Molly being (almost constantly) pregnant, it's just a risk he can't take.
Isn't Alice sweet with the boys?! I'd have loved to see her with Neville. So sad.
I'm glad you liked Charlie's big moment! I was a bit nervous about it, wondering if it was a bit too violent for a first display of magic, but it just fit him.
Thank you ever so much for your really kind words and fab reviews. I promise I will return the favour at some point! Looking forward to hearing from you again :) Report Review
Hi, there! Having exhausted the Growing Gathering of Weasleys for the time being, I thought I'd try a different WIP from your portfolio.
I love all the little details you worked into your description of Arthur on the morning after what I'm sure was one of the most amazing, difficult, long and intense nights of his your life. It is amazing, by the way, to imagine Arthur and Molly as being young. In the books, it feels almost as though they were born middle-aged. Here, I get to enjoy this moment when they first became a family. It's wonderful.
The love and admiration that Molly and Arthur share was so warm and genuine. They really are very special people. Only special people could possibly raise seven kids under the circumstances they endured. You brought some of those qualities out even in this very early juncture of their marriage.
Your description of little Bill was so adorable. So much like his parents.
Ha! Your descriptions of Molly and Arthur as young people was really interesting and I can easily see them in this light. Arthur as the quiet, non-confrontational guy who only gets upset when Molly's honor and well-being are involved. The notion of Molly as a mischief-maker is a bit odd, but I guess Fred and George have to get it from somewhere. Hot-headed and passionate definitely make sense.
You did a good job, I thought, of putting the start of Bill's life into the context of a world beginning to slide into war. It would be many years, of course, before the first war peaked with Voldemort's death, but the signs must have been pretty obvious by this point. The letter to his parents sounded just like Arthur: cordial, simple, but with a bit of wit. I am very curious as to what the letter to Dumbledore said. Was it more than just a birth announcement?
This was a lovely start to what promises to be a very interesting story. I'll be sure to keep an eye on it.Author's Response: Hi again! Well, thank you for deciding to explore my work :) It's great to receive your thoughtful reviews.
You're a dad, right? This seems borne of experience: 'after what I'm sure was one of the most amazing, difficult, long and intense nights of his your life.'
But yeah, I spend a lot of time with couples in their first hours of parenthood and whilst I try not to intrude too much, I see a lot of exhaustion but even more emotion!
I'm with you on Arthur and Molly. I actually had a hard time thinking of her as a twenty year-old here, as by the time we meet her in the books she's the consummate Mother Hen/Mother Earth/Mother of All Mothers in Motherland. I love her. In terms of her mischievousness, I tend to think of it more as having a slightly arch sense of humour rather than being an all-out prankster or rule breaker!
Thanks for saying you think I did a good job with setting the scene of the start of the war. At this point, I think, it's an abstract sort of idea that Arthur is hoping won't come to fruition, but there's a lot of fear and a lot of talk. Basically what always happens at the start of any conflict!
His letter to Dumbledore may well have been more than a birth announcement.
Thank you for reading and reviewing - your reviews always make my day. Feel free to give any CC! I'm having a little think about mischievous Molly now, I may change that wording :)
Athene xo Report Review
Oh no, Aunt Muriel gave me that lamp; she'll be furious!' She cast a suspicious look towards Frank who, despite his capable demeanour and prestige as an Auror, was known to be somewhat clumsy. The fact that he was standing, wand in hand, next to the sodden and blackened stump that had once been a rather ugly standard lamp didn't help his case.
^ That was one of my favorite parts. You write children really well. They didn't seem older or younger than they were supposed to and I like how you contrasted the kids with the current situation. The adults are trying to have a heavy conversation but even when they're tired and they're trying to figure everything out they still have time to watch them, to be amused by them and they don't get cross with them.
I thought it was perfect how he showed his first signs of magic. Really brilliant idea. I loved this just as much as the first. :DAuthor's Response: I enjoyed writing that bit too- I wanted to show a bit of Neville in his well-known, capable parents!
Thank you very, very much for the lovely review. I'm really glad you're enjoying this story! I'm just tweaking my Percy chapter now :)
Sorry this response took so long, RL is crazy at the moment!
Athene xo Report Review
I am finally here with your review!
So, let's get to it, shall we?
Plot: This was really good! It really captured my attention and I love reading stuff such as this, and its really not ventured upon. I love you're attempting to write this, and I think it's adorable! And frightening. I've never had kids or anything, but I have siblings that I mother hen so I can only imagine how it would feel to be a new parent in times like that.
Emotions: These were fairly good! I understood Arthur really well, and like I said, I'm not a parent, so I may not know what I'm talking about, but i think perhaps try capturing it more. I understand that he thinks he's perfect, but I think you should go more in depth! Also, I feel like we didn't see much of Molly's feelings and I would really have liked to!
Grammar/Spelling: I didn't see any errors, but I was a bit engrossed in the story so...
Flow: This was also quite good,I was really astonished! Flow is hard and you took some risky jumps from describing Arthur and his relationship with Molly a bit, but I think you did it well! I was really glad because the flow is something I think really affects a story!
Imagery: While there wasn't much, I think there was a good amount for a story such as this. I think it was just the right amount!
Pace: This was also good! You gave me just enough time to feel Arthur's anxieties, and then his amazement, and then his worry and back to his amazement. I was impressed!
Ultimately, I think you did really well! I did give you a bit of CC, but this story was fantastic! Thanks for requesting, and feel free to do so again!
EverAuthor's Response: Hi Ever, thanks for the review! I hope you didn't mind me posting my acknowledgement in your reviews thread, I knew I wouldn't be able to respond here for a little while.
In terms of plot, I'm glad you feel I did well. Not much actually happens in the scenes that we see, although we know that Molly has just given birth and there is a war starting outside... so I'm glad you found that this story held your interest!
In terms of those emotions, I can see what you mean. I'm not a parent either, so I'm winging it here! :) I will have a look at this chapter and see where it might be possible to add more depth to his emotions, perhaps on first holding Bill. Molly- I'd like to have shown a bit more of her feelings too, but this story is really from Arthur's POV and I'm not sure how to do that without making it less of Arthur's story! Actually, you've just inspired me to write a short story collection based on Molly's experiences of each of the seven children... I'm excited! It may have to wait until I've finished Arthur though!
Thank you for your comments on the flow of the story. I was concerned about that bit with Arthur and Molly, but I guess as this is a story about parenthood, a lot of it is (for most people) a shared experience with a partner.
Thank you very much for the review, the CC has been very helpful, and your kind words have made me feel all warm and fuzzy :) I will request Chapter 2 when there's space in your queue!
Athene Xo Report Review
Hey! Deeds here with your requested review. Another Weasley piece of yours? Count me in! You just wanted a general review with any criticism I have. Hopefully you don't trick me again in this piece. :D
Let's get started!
Arthur wondered about this briefly; did it say more about the resilience of his wife, or the skill of the midwife that it never even twitched in the direction of mortal peril?
^ I usually don't read the summaries when I do review requests. So I'm always surprised with what I'm going to read. I didn't even realize Molly was giving birth and I like how you included the clock into the first paragraph. It's silly but sweet that Arthur thinks of the line that says 'mortal peril,' giving birth is hard from what I hear. I donít look forward to ever doing it many years from now.
For a moment, they both gazed at the baby and wondered the same thing; if they were naturally good at having babies, maybe they could do it again
^ Well, we know they do it again...and again...and again. Oh boy. They really are good at having babies! Funny joke.
He realised that he would do anything - anything≠ - to keep his son, his little family, safe from harm.
I'm a big fan of the emotion you have here. It's very real, raw. This is what every good parent feels when they have a child, regardless if it's their first or seventh.
I'm at the end and now I want to read more. Here's my criticsm: stop being awesome. I know, I know, it's going to be hard for you.
I really enjoyed this and now I went to go read the summary and I'm thrilled this focuses on Arthur and his children and I'll probably cry when Fred dies if you decide to write a chapter on that. You've officially hooked in a new reader. Thank you so much for requesting. From the moment I started reading the chapter I was invested in your Arthur and Molly (who are very canon in this if you're wondering). Sorry I wasn't more of a help but when something is that enjoyable it's hard to find fault.
- DeedsAuthor's Response: You unhelpful reviewer, ugh. JOKES, I love this review! How can I not?
'This is what every good parent feels when they have a child, regardless if it's their first or seventh.' -This! Yes! That's the thing about the Weasleys, everything they do and feel for their kids is regardless of the pecking order. That's one reason I love them so much.
I'm pretty sure the one-shot I'm writing at the moment is very much unawesome, so mission accomplished!
Thank you so much for enjoying this chapter! I'm very glad you think Arthur and Molly are canon, as that's very important to me and I wasn't sure about writing young Molly. We all know her as this great, commanding, wise, ultimate mummy but she was a new mum once! So I'm happy you feel I achieved that.
Oh, one thing- please don't think that childbirth is that dangerous or awful. The majority of childbirth is very safe and rather lovely. It's just Arthur, being a first time dad, not knowing what to expect.
Anyway, thanks for the review, I will definitely post in your thread again! The next chapter of this story is written and will be going in the queue ASAP!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your very kind words.
Athene xo Report Review
The way you write the Weasley's is just breathtaking - you know that right. It seriously should make anyone want to go back and read over the books again. This is a real family, as I've only gotten to observe with the chaos that is my cousin's house - and it is so darn funny I'm pretty sure the people I'm sitting next to in the libary are wondering where I've escaped from. I better get down to the nuts and bolts of things before they try and find out...
I have to say I havn't found anything really grammatically wrong here, so there you go. I love how you didn't do another 'BIRTH' sort of storyline, although that's originally what I would have thought. The interactions between Bill and Charlie are adorable, spot on - and Charlie's burst of magic was just - fitted to a t.
Pregant Molly - love her. She's got it down to perfection. You can tell where she's becoming a woman to be reconed with - and we havn't even GOTTEN to the Twins yet.
I have to say though, the standout for me in this chapter was the interactions you had with the OTHER people in this chapter - Alice and Frank. Just - wow. I don't think I've ever read a story that went into how they were as fully-functioning members of society - let alone as aurors. I love how you have the dycotomy between them - and the hint at them going out and snogging at the lake as seniors was just - hilarious.
My favorite part though? I have to say was this:
'Here, Alice Longbottom interjected, digging around in her pockets. She pulled out a couple of brightly wrapped sweets, and laughed softly as both Weasley boys fell silent, their eyes lit with enthusiasm and their faces suddenly angelic. There are two more of these in my pocket if youíre very good boys and you eat these quietly.'
I just sat there starring at this paragraph for no apparent reason, wondering when I heard it before. And then I remembered Alice and her candy wrappers and Neville in the Hospital. And it was just like getting hit by a brick. Oh dear LORD woman - just...wooow. Little moments are your honest specialty and I am so glad I get to read more of this - keep 'em coming!Author's Response: Ah, it's interesting that you were expecting another 'birth' plot; in fact, this series will move through the children's lives as well as Arthur's... so we start with Bill's birth and will probably be culminating in Ginny's marriage or graduation.
You've got to love a pregnant Molly! (From a distance)
I'm very glad you've enjoyed my Alice and Frank. They had to be interesting people to create Neville, and I hope you can see bits of him in both of them. Ah, the sweeties. Yeah. I hoped that it might have some sort of effect on anyone who made the link! I think I love Alice and Frank a bit... I've mentioned in my other Authors Response that I'm planning stories about other characters and I think I may be adding the Longbottoms to the list!
Thank you for the review - keep 'em coming! ;P
(PS. Chapter 3 of this one will be up as soon as I can get it into the queue and validated!) Report Review
Oh my gosh. The dragon reference with Charlie is so amazing and perfect. Between this and The Blazing Arrival of Cosmo, I feel like you have a serious inlet to Charlie's head.
I love that you have a realistic time line and dead on Canon. Voldemort's already causing terror and gaining power, Arthur is trying to help the Order but not part of it. The Longbottoms are an amazing pair, their age is left fuzzy enough, it can be used in almost any marauders time frame. I love how you portrayed the both of them in this, also.
You have a perfect balance with the children (as someone who's job is all about studying the relationships of parents and their children, and helping them along the way, I know quite a bit about healthy interactions) it isn't too sweet, it's real.
No parent sits there and smiles and laughs while their kid acts like a kid. Yes, the child is just behaving as a normal child (they are programmed to break things and make messes), but when you are trying to do something, have people over, and such, the last thing you want to do is chase your little one around. Anyway, I think the mix of love with a bit of frustration is perfect!
I am falling so in love with your Weasley's, I have always had a soft spot for them, but never been as interested in a story based on them, before!
Amazing, so far, I'm sorry I don't have and CC to offer... umm... let me try and come up with something...Ummm. try to write...er.. longer chapters, so I don't have to stop reading???
Totally a joke, though, your lengths are just perfect ;)!!!Author's Response: Good to see you've opened a review thread - Deeds is right, you are a great reviewer :)
Thank you for saying that about me and Charlie. I guess I just love him, really!
Yeah, I saw no reason why the Longbottoms couldn't be a bit older than they're commonly portrayed- they'd only need to be in their 30s when they have Neville!
'Anyway, I think the mix of love with a bit of frustration is perfect!' - This is exactly what I was going for! It's not all sunshine and lollipops with children, but it doesn't have to be entirely miserable either :P
I've had a good go at writing a longer chapter- Chapter 3 is up now, and the chapter lengths are slowly creeping up! Heehee. Chapter 4 is looking like a longer one too. I'm just telling myself that it's like the way JK's books got longer as they went on (although OotP is an anomaly I think!)
Anyway, much loveness to you, let's keep swapping!
:) Report Review
Excuse my squeeing, but this was fabulously adorable. I have such a soft spot for the Weasley Family, and Arthur (as I know I've already mentioned), but CHARLIE -- I love him so, so much and his little toddler self here was precious. I adore that you had his first bit of magic breathing fire... complete coincidence, eh? You really have a knack for writing children and the relationships the have with adults. Arthur's impatience with the boys over shadowed by his love for them was so well written. I also loved the sort of embarrassed feel you described when the boys misbehaved in front of company. I know I feel the same way when I take my dog to the dog park and she acts up... it's like -- "ugh, can't you behave so people don't think I'm a poor owner?" I could totally picture that sort of feel in Arthur when he knelt down in front of Bill.
This whole scenario pictured here was so realistic and cute and wonderful. I love the take you have presented here on Arthur's involvement with the Order, and it was really moving to see the war progressing as normal, everyday life does. No matter what is going on outside the walls of the Burrow, Bill and Charlie are growing up as children do... lsadkjfaoiwe I just find that really moving.
Anyway, this was amazing. I'm so, so glad that I stumbled upon this story and you can expect to see me back whenever you update next!! Loved it!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hahaha, I love your squeeing!
I also have a massive soft spot for Charlie... I also have a one-shot about him that you may enjoy - it's not what it seems at first. /shamelessselfpromotion.
Thank you for your kind comments about writing children and adults together, I find there's a fine line to walk there! You don't want to make it tooo sweet.
I know what you mean about taking the dog to the park, mine always waits until she has an audience to misbehave!
"the war progressing as normal, everyday life does." - This is exactly what this story is going to be about!
Thanks again for reading and reviewing, and also for your comment on the forums. Very very happy that you enjoyed this so much!
Athene xo Report Review
I found this on the recently added list today and boy am I glad that I did! This was such an enjoyable read. Arthur Weasley is one of my all time favorite characters and being able to see his family through his eyes is such a treat!! I think you did a wonderful job creating a very warm environment in this chapter, but at the same time I saw a little bit of the humour that really binds the love of the Weasley family. This line in particular made me chucke: "Theyíd joked that, had Molly and Arthur had a decent owl, they may have remembered to send out some wedding invitations."
Everything was just lovely!! Anxious to read the next chapter.
-MelissaAuthor's Response: First off, I'm very happy that you found this on the recently added list- I sometimes worry that I only get reviews by shilling for them on the forums!
I absolutely love Arthur too - Pop Goes The Weasel is eventually going to be a 7 or 8 chaptered piece so I will be spending lots of time with him! Lucky me :)
You picked out one of my favourite lines, and nobody else had picked it out! It sounds to me like the sort of joke Fred and George might have made - I wonder if a sense of humour can run in the family?!
Glad you enjoyed this chapter so much, thank you very very much for reading and reviewing! Means a lot to me :)
Athene xo Report Review
That's what I'm going to start with - because serious I had to read this over a few times to try and soak everything in. I still may not have it all. Let me just start off by saying that it is very obvious that you love the Weasley clan - and thank you so much for sharing that devotion with us, with this challenge - just, wow.
From the very first Paragraph, it's clear that you know what you are doing. Perhaps one of the things that I loved about this story is seeing the Weasley's as a New family - which I personally have never read before. There's stories where they're all still kids, or very young, or only a couple of children - but none really that show the Weasleys as new parents - which considering they are new parents at least six different times, we tend to forget about. Everything is new in this chapter - we have an Arthur who still has thick hair, we have a handsome, healthy Errol (te-he!) and we have a clock that has only TWO hands on it. That's almost UNTHINKABLE for the Weasley clan, who by the end of the series have a house so cluttered and such a large family that that poor clock probably won't be able to move.
You hit the nail on the head about what I was looking for in the father challenge - it was the specific relationship, and then the familial relationship - it wasn't JUST Arthur and Bill - it wasn't even Arthur, MOLLY and Bill - I think you covered the entire Weasley-Prewett microcosm thus far in one chapter. You tied it in beautifully with the letter writing at the beginning and the end - which is something I didn't catch the first time through. Starting off writing the letter to his family and then finishing it off. It's a a true slice of life moment.
Next - I love humor, and there were moments in here that just had be laughing out loud. For one, I really want to know what the specifics were with the Mashed Potatoes, Howlers and Molly that got him so worked up to punch a bloke. That wasn't even my favorite moment though. That award would have to go to this section:
'She gave an almost beatific smile. 'I couldnít have done it without your help.í Arthur grinned and raised an eyebrow. ĎArthur! Not†that. Well, yes Ė†that. But last night, when I was scared and in painÖ You kept me going; in fact, Judith said youíre a natural.í
Ooooh gosh - is it bad that I pictured my parents in that moment?! Because I did - it's the sort of glib humor moment, and just imagining Mr. Weasley waggling his eyebrows about THAT...beautiful! He truly is 20 years old, isn't he!?
Okay - seriously nitpicking, because there is virtually NOTHING seriously wrong with this piece, There is a moment starting with 'After the midwife had left...' which COULD be broken up a bit, because it seems sort of run on. But literally - it's NOT a big deal. It's not even distracting. I only noticed it because I've ready it about three times already feeling like I need to say SOMETHING specifically constructive.
To sum all up - beautiful piece. Honestly CAN'T wait to read more, I want to see the changes, because I'm SURE they'll be there - and you sum up your own story so perfectly yourself: ĎThe Weasleysí were no longer his parents and brothers, but himself, Molly, and the baby. He realised that he would do anything Ė†anything≠ Ė†to keep his son, his little family, safe from harm. That, right there, is the perfect words coming from the most prolific dad in the series. Brava!Author's Response: Oh my, can I give your review 10/10? I don't even know where to begin!
... Okay seriously, I don't know where to begin, so I'll just say thank you very much for the lovely praise, for the attempt at constructive criticism (that sentence annoys me too), and for letting me unleash my Weasley love on you! I'll let you know when I gave chapter two up.
Athene xo Report Review
I love this story about Bill's birth. The Weasleys are a wonderful family, and I love how you wrote Arthur, Molly and everyone, including the crabby old midwife. It's a nice trip down memory lane to see the birth of the oldest Weasley child, who grows into a wonderful young man. 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you for the review :)
Wow, I'm really glad you enjoyed this - I know how you feel about the Weasleys!
I was interested to see that you thought the midwife was 'crabby'... I didn't intend her to come across that way! :S
Bill does grow into a great guy, doesn't he?
Gotta love those Weasleys. Report Review
This is so sweet and perfect. I love how smooth you made the transition from happy exciting evening, to Arthur's thoughts shifting to Voldemort and the darkness that hung over them.
I think you did this absolutely perfect. The characters feel real, the imagery was amazing, and it kept me completely focused. Your midwife reminds me of the nanny in Nanny McPhee.
I also love the references to canon events and names (just remember that Molly and Arthur weren't in the first order) and love that during this soft, gentle and loving story, there was still an undertone of the darkness that would be present during these times for everyone.
Good job, I'm excited to read the next chapter!!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you felt the transition was smooth between those two moods. The rest of the story is going to be a mixture of darkness and light to some extent.
I'm so interested that you thought of Nanny McPhee! Heehee. I'm glad that the imagery is working for you, it's so important to me when I'm reading a story.
Don't worry about Molly and Arthur, they won't be joining the Order (am a Canon freak)... but Arthur may just offer his unofficial services to Dumbledore and a few trusted allies - two of whom are coming to visit in the next chapter. Teaser!
Thank you again for R&Ring, it means a lot.
I'm excited too! Report Review
Oh I adore this! It's just perfect, in every way. Beautifully written, flawless language, just the right amount of sentiment, I just love it. I love your portrayal of Arthur, loved Molly and newborn Bill (thought you described newborns just right too), and the midwife was lovely. Loved Arthur's new-father thoughts, his brothers giving them Errol, the fact you mentioned Gretna Green, the mentions of the growing Voldy War (though I would note that Arthur and Molly were not in the original Order of the Phoenix). Just all-around this is fantastic. Are you going to do more? More Weasley babies!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed this so much. I did try and get the 'newborn' atmosphere right - that sort of sleepy/alertness!
Don't worry, I'm a canon freak and am keeping Arthur and Molly out of the Order. However, Arthur may just help out where he can, unofficially ;)
I've got six more chapters planned, including all seven Weasley kids and moving across the years from 1970 to 1999. I'm excited about it and I'm glad you are too! I just love those Weasleys.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Athene xo Report Review
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