It's been a while since I read this! Anyway, I'm hear to leave the review that you requested. It'll probably end up being short because I don't have anything to comment on so I'll just gush for this one.
Again, I love the idea of seeing things from the Wolf's point of view as it's never done before. I love that we get to see what the transformations are actually like instead of them just being vaguely mentioned.
I was so excited to see that the part where Snape almost died. This part is rarely mentioned in fanfictions and I can name on my fingers the amount of fanfictions that have this part in them (and in case you were wondering, it's two).
I actually thought that James, Remus and Peter would've actually been even angrier with Sirius than they were. I mean, I get that James is mad at him and Remus can't even put his rage into words but what Sirius did was big enough to destroy their friendship. Can you just imagine if you were Remus and one of your closest friends did this to you just to get back at someone? I don't know about you but I would be beyond mad, that friendship would be pretty much destroyed for me.
Anyway, personally, this has been my one problem with Sirius. The fact that he thought telling Snape to go and find Remus while he was transformed as a lesson to stop following them around. He could've just as easily gone to Dumbledore and said that Snape is always trying to snoop around and find out what Remus does every full moon (without giving away the animagus secret).
Anyway, I enjoyed the chapter and I think you did an awesome job on it. Keep up the great work! Report Review
I don't have that much to say except for the fact that I love the originality idea of this story. I always wondered how Remus became a werewolf; I knew that he was bitten by Greyback, but how and what he was doing before, I didn't. Nobody did.
I love how Remus fought through the transformation and didn't let it get to him, how his friends and Professors were there for him throughout the whole thing and wouldn't abandon him. That's what friends SHOULD do in a situation like that.
I really enjoyed the first chapter and am going to favorite your story because of it's originality, and feel free to re-request the next chapter as I'm interested in what happens next!Author's Response: Heya!
I've been thinking of doing a one-shot within HPo4's universe with a young Remus before and after he was bitten. It would be interesting to write about his very first transformation.ideas, ideas!
Remus is afraid of giving up his humanity. He's been raised in a society that believes that werewolves are animals and therefore they should both be feared and be outcasts. They're not 'proper' wizards let alone 'proper' human so why treat them like so? He just wants to be a normal person, that's why he fights the transformation with all his might. He knows that he can't beat it but he still does it; the less time he spends as werewolf, the better he'll feel.
It makes me happy that you enjoyed this so much that you added it to your faves! :D That's what keeps me writing, not the amount of reviews. People like you rock! XD
I would like to apologize for taking forever to answer to your review though. At least you didn't have to wait some 5 months to get your response! Haha, life has been super crazy but I'm slowly getting it back on track.
Anyway, I hope to see you around again!
Until next time
--Rosie Report Review
Hi, Rosie! It has taken me ages to sit down and make the time to write this review. I really hate real life sometimes.
The strangers that Remus interacts with in the cafe were a clever way to introduce all sorts of situations and ideas for this chapter. It didn't take any time at all to place the events on the timeline of the book and to get an idea of how poor Remus is faring at this stage of his life. It made me sad to see him hungry and impoverished, but I guess that was how things were after he lost his job at Hogwarts. Stupid Snape! It's too bad that he's such a proud man, because I'm sure that Harry would have happily shared all he had if Remus could have shared more stories about James and Lily. Lots of lost opportunities in the books. :(
What is this about Sirius sneaking up on him? Is Wolf slipping in his old age? At least Remus has fun with it. Sirius seems to have a bit of fun as well.
I thought you did a great job with the conversation between Sirius and Remus. I could feel the frustration and bitter anger simmering beneath Sirius's barely-civil exterior. The idea that Wolf wouldn't tolerate being stared down was really clever and a good reminder that Wolf is still there, even in this chapter where he doesn't make an appearance. Sirius really steals the show, though. You ran him through a gauntlet of very appropriate and realistic emotions, from anger at Dumbledore and the others who allowed Harry into harm's way to fear and sadness at the idea that he might not live up to the trust that Lily and James placed in him. All-around great stuff.
An unspoken understanding hung in the air. If we needed to put down our lives for him, then so be it. He was our family, our brother’s son. A member of our pack. No matter what, nothing was going to happen to him. -- Hear, hear! About time somebody was stepping up to the plate for Harry!
Your descriptions of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black were deliciously awful. I could almost smell the must, mold and decay as I read about the entrance hallway. Good old Walburga is there to greet them, too! I don't blame Wolf, she would freak me out, too. Again, I thought you nailed Sirius in this section. It's just like him to argue with a portrait as though he's going to convince her of anything. And the way he abuses and berates Kreacher... one of the most difficult things to like about the guy is he's the quintessential "do as I say do not as I do" mentor to Harry. He advises Harry to be kind to his "inferiors", then makes a costly mistake in his treatment of Kreacher. He begs Harry to be careful, then rushes into a situation that gets him killed. Such a tragic character...
“Master has brought a werewolf,” Kreacher said as he sniffed the air, his tiny eyes fixated on me. “Mistress will be angry with Master for bringing filthy animals to her Noble house.” -- I do love the dry humor you brought to Kreacher, though. That was a nice touch!
Once again, sorry to taking so long to get to this! It's great setup material for the sad events that we all know are coming soon. I'm really looking forward to seeing your version of what was going on at Grimmauld Place while Umbridge was tormenting Harry and his friends at Hogwarts. Until next time!Author's Response: Dan!
I think you and I need to form a club titled "Real life bites" or something along those lines. Sorry I took forever to leave you a response but right now is literally the only free time I've gotten all week. And it's Wednesday! Well...officially speaking its Thursday but same thing.
I wanted to show that there are people out there who have never been convinced about Dumbledore's sanity. Even before the Prophet starts to slander both Harry and Dumbledore, there are those that never really liked/trusted Dumbledore. Let alone a boy who vanquished the darkest of wizards at a young age. I can sort of understand their point of view considering Harry and their wariness towards him but nonetheless it still ticks Remus off. This is Harry. He knows that he's a normal boy with a tragic past and not the future dark lord as people like Eustace and Martin like to think. Anyway, poor Remus indeed but it's all Umbridge's fault! She's the one that started the anti-werewolf laws so it's her fault that he can't find a job. You know, she's the only character that really, REALLY angers me. Voldemort...Bellatrix, Lucius, Draco...absolutely nothing but Umbridge. I just want to punch that woman!
Alright rant over!
Wolf IS slipping into old age! Hahaha! I mean around this time Remus is 35 so if you were to do it in dog years (since he's a canine) Wolf would be 245 years old. Man, he's ancient! But still has the heart and energy of a young pup, hahaha!
I really owe you for Sirius's anger here. You were the one that pushed it for more, to be more believable and more Sirius-esque. I definitely plan on having more of that anger in the next chapter but this time it'll be up against Dumbledore AND Remus. Wolf doesn't doesn't like being stared down nor being told what to do. He's like a Sgt. Major at the Marines; don't cross him or you'll be sorry.
I had to add Walburga here. And of course I wanted to Sirius to go over the edge! After the rough night he's had and the lack of sleep after Dumbledore's errand, he's bound to just explode emotionally speaking. Even if it meant him arguing against the portrait of his dead mother. I honestly think that he went to jail with a lot of unresolved feelings towards his family, especially Regulus. He always struck me as this man who shrugged his shoulders and had this 'meh, whatever' attitude towards all of them but they were his family nonetheless. Regulus was his baby brother and his death HAD to hurt despite the fact that he made the wrong choice. I'm almost sure that Sirius tried to make Reggie see some sense but failed. Perhaps he even feels guilty after all these years, like an older sibling would, so that's why he just unloads on Walburga. I have to agree with you, Sirius is such a tragic and his death had to be tragic as well.
Kreacher is such a fun character to write, so I'm excited to bring more Kreacher in the next chapter.
Don't worry about taking forever to review it! You're my Beta so you have like this 'review late' pass. XD
Thanks for everything!
Until next time
NEW CHAPTER!!! SO EXCITED!!!
It's so sad that poor Remus thinks that even a sweet old lady will turn on him if she knew what he was. Maybe that's true, maybe she'd have surprised him, but I get why he wouldn't, even though he's stuck without a job. It's just sad. It makes me want to hug him... And never let go. *squishes Remus*
Haha, I love that little boy. The ugly dog comment had me laughing for a good couple of minutes, just imaging the snarl from Sirius and the kid running away, then Remus continuing it. It felt... more normal, compared to everything that has and is about to happen. I liked that bit of humor before the anger came out.
Speaking of the anger, you just write werewolves so well - I am envious. You don't forget what Remus is when he's human; even now we see the traits, big and little, that reminds us that, even though he keeps Wolf separate, they are the same. He can't avoid it even if he still doesn't like it and you're just awesome are conveying that. I love Wolf and I love Remus and I love this story.
The bits about Reggie made me very sad, I have to admit (I love everyone else, but Reggie and Remus are my two favorite people in the Marauder era and it's sad that pretty much everyone in that era died eventually, but they hit me the hardest, especially when you find out what Reggie did... Off topic).
This was a great chapter, I can't wait for the next and to see Wolf again. I'd continue to ramble, but I just got caught being sad when talking about Reggie dying and my mother now thinks I'm crazy. :P
Sam.Author's Response: Heya! Thanks for being the first one to review this new chapter! :D
Yeah, Remus right now is struggling. Mostly due to Umbridge and her anti-werewolf laws that she has. Remus is just afraid of telling people his secret. He's been alone most of his life so he cherishes every bit of 'friendship' from other people. He doesn't want to give them a reason to be afraid of him.
I had to add a bit of comedy but unfortunately I believe that's the last bit! This story is fixing to take a dark, ugly turn. :( Anyway, I have a feeling that Remus would call Sirius an ugly dog just for his reaction and have a laugh about it.
This chapter I think was one of the hardest to write because Wolf wasn't present. So for me it was a bit hard to add the wolf parts showing in Remus alone without him sounding too animalistic or even silly. Also, it helped that I was reading the new Kitty Norville book so I was able to refresh my memory when it came to werewolves and their mannerism.
Ah Reggie. You know, I honestly believe that Sirius cared a lot for his brother, despite his stupid mistakes. I doubt that he shrugged off his death and moved on easily without bothering to find out what happened. Blaming his mother for Reginald's death seemed very realistic to me. Because who else could he blame? His dad is dead and the only other person is himself. So of course he had to take out his anger on Walburga. Reginald's death is very tragic because up until the very end, he thought his brother was a coward and a death eater. He never knew of his bravery.
Haha, you'll see Wolf soon. Not in the next chapter (unfortunately) but most likely the chapter after that and the one after. There's a lot of fun things fixing to happen!
Thanks for sticking around and for reviewing this chapter!
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
Gosh it's been so long since I've had a spare minute to review this story! Apolagies for that - RL is annoying!
I loved the start of this chapter, it felt really tense as we can see how close Remus is to transforming. I also thought that, even though McGonagall was worried at how close a call it was, she wasn't afraid to be near him. Or she didn't appear to be anyway.
When Sirius said about a surprise for Remus alarm bells started ringing here. I was worried it was going to be the night he send Snape down after him and it was. I really loved that you told this bit of the story - your take on it is great.
It actually made me smile quite a lot when Wolf couldn't get free from the trousers and saw them as such a threat that he had to rip them to shreads. The way you write wolf actually makes him really cute and loveable in my head. Like how he sees the other marauders as his family and how protective of them he is. It comes shining through in this chapter as he wants to protect James.
Even though I knew it would all work out okay, you had me really panicing as I was reading the part where Snape and James are fighting. Wolfs thoughts are so vicious and all I kept thinking was how awful Remus would feel if wolf got out of control like that.
Oh, I can't tell you how much I love that you've got Peter as part of the group! He was a marauder and an important part of the group and way too many people forget that! He could see the issue from everyones perspective and could understand how everyone was feeling. I like your version of Peter.
Poor Remus, he wasn't having a good day was he? I don't blame him for wanting to hit Sirius, he was being stupidly reckless but when he was worried about losing him as a friend my heart went out to him! Then Lily has worked out his secret and he has to allow another to know the truth. The whole scene with Lily was actually really sweet though. She's really understanding and everything I expect her to be. I loved the hint of her and James getting together too!
Just one typo - this sentence didn't quite make sense: 'I tried to undo my belt but I lost it completely by the time to my trousers' button and zipper.'
Great chapter though! Can't wait to read more!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Heya!
You know what, I totally agree with you. I rarely have time now to read and review let alone to answer to the reviews people leave for me. BUT I'm here now!
I've always thought that McGonagall was a person that showed courage no matter what. I'm sure that she was afraid for Remus and the students, even for herself but she's not going to show it. She doesn't want to make Remus feel guilty or bad for something he has absolutely no control over. So the less afraid she appears, the better for everyone. Then again, you have to think that if she were to show fear, it'll only make Remus lose control a lot faster. It could agitate him in the end.
Wolf sounds cute and lovable but he's not! Hahaha! It's hard to not make him sound too much like a regular dog. He's suppose to be a feral animal, a beast...not a pet! XD However, just like you pointed out, he becomes vicious real quick when his family is being threatened.
It's hard trying to not be so mean to Peter. I have this dislike towards him but I have to get over it, you know. Just like you said, he was part of the Marauders, he was their friend so of course he is important.
Sirius is very reckless in his whole life. Like Dan pointed out in his review above, he tells Harry to be careful but he then rushes to danger. He's this man who doesn't stop and think of the consequences. He just does whatever he thinks is 'right' or funny. Lily on the other hand is a smart witch, she just needed a push towards the right direction. At this point she kinda likes James but she still feels iffy towards him.
Saw the typo and fixed it! Thanks for pointing it out!
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
This is an absolutely brilliant story!! It has you hooked right from the very begginning, and just doesn't let go. I love the way Remus refers to the Wolf as "we" - that's very clever and original - as well as calling the wolf "Wolf" and describing it as another thing entirely, just trapped inside his body.
You put in a perfect balance of description - it really sets the scene and makes it realistic. The way you describe the wolf's actions, and the dynamics of the fight through real dog terms is very effective at gripping the reader - e.g. "being submissive and accepting Wolf as its leader." That's brilliant and makes it even more engrossing and enchanting.
I love the description as he turns in to a wolf - you portrayed his helplessness and hatred so well, especially including how he argued with the wolf, playing even more on the idea that he's being possessed, and can't control the beats inside him, e.t.c. The POV change does make it even more genius - the way you make Lupin have his very human thoughts and worries, and then we see the wolf's thoughts and how different they are.I don't have any criticism - this piece was brilliant!
Overall, an absolutely thrilling and unique read that I enjoyed immensely. Very perceptive of Dumbledore's position, Lupin's friends, and of course Lupin himself. Awesome! :DAuthor's Response: Heya!! :D
I'm glad that you liked this story and that it hooked you from the very beginning. That's what I was aiming for.
I honestly had to do a lot of research when it came to wolf/dog mannerisms. Even watched a bit of dog trainer shows to get some ideas! My goal was to make Wolf believable so I'm glad that you thought he felt realistic.
Glad that you really enjoyed this! However, I really do apologize for taking forever to give you an answer. It's been months! Life is crazy sometimes.
Thank you for taking your time to read and review!
Hope to see you around again,
--Rosie Report Review
Hello! I'm back! XD
I really like how you plunge us right into the action in the beginning of this chapter! Ooh, and the way Remus wonders about whether McGonagall's ability to lie stems from her Hogwarts days is really fun! It adds depth to Remus, and is very realistic - I'm sure we've all wondered what our teachers' out-of-school lives were like more than once! XD
I really like how you have Remus understand how Wolf feels and what makes him want to go running - it really emphasizes how they're connected. And yet at the same time, you remind us that they're very different with Remus being reluctant to assert authority over Sirius. Reading this story, I'm actually inclined to say that there are actually five Marauders, not four! :3 (Oh, and I love your description of the way Sirius smells to Remus, haha!)
Awww, that transformation was so painful! You do an excellent job of describing it so that I just want to glomp Remus and tell him that it'll all be okay even though we know it won't be. ♥
I really love how Wolf behaved in such a canineish, wolfish fashion. I've often felt that clothes are evil sometimes and I actually know what they are, but Wolf doesn't and it's really fun to see that - you're really awesome at balancing out the angsty bits with sprinkles of humour! :D
Ugh, Snape. He's a real idiot at times, isn't he? So's Sirius too. >.< The way you described James and Severus' fight was really believable, and the way you described how Wolf wanted to fight Severus and protect James was fantastic, especially when Severus won the duel and began approaching the Whomping Willow. It was a really realistic portrayal of animalistic behaviour, so kudos to you! XD
I really liked the addition about the Whomping Willow shuddering (is that even a word?) inside its tunnel as it moved its branches. It's something I've never thought about, but it sounds really believable and if someone bred / grew the Willow for the purpose of concealing people / werewolves / whatnot then it would make sense to have an internal warning in case someone did actually get past the branches. The way you just pick up on those little details is amazing, Rosie!
I love how you portrayed Peter as a reasonably sensible person, instead of making him mysteriously disappear as a lot of Marauders' authors do. (I have a feeling I mentioned this in a previous review...?) The way he sees the whole situation and puts it into perspective and really highlights why Peter's a part of the group. AND YOU BROKE MY HEART, ROSIE. The way Remus wanted so badly to punch Sirius for what was sheer stupidity but was too afraid to in case it ruined their friendship... omg major feels. You make me want to hug Remus more and more each chapter - he's going to run out of oxygen if this continues, you know. ;)
Awww at the Remus/Lily scenes. They have such a cute friendship. :3 I'm really glad that you didn't make Lily completely in the dark as to where Remus disappeared to monthly, as I'm sure she would've noticed the disappearances, and it's incredibly believable that she didn't figure it out until pushed in the right direction... it's kind of how she didn't want to consider the idea of Remus being a werewolf until Severus made her actually look at the evidence, and I think that's really true of people in RL who tend not to notice the flaws of people they care about. ♥
I did notice a few typos, and once again I'll list them:
"I lost it completely by the time to my trousers’ button and zipper" < I think you mean "by the time I reached my trousers'"? :3
"piece of clothing before he pouncing" < the "he" isn't needed here.
"unmoving along with man with a long beard" < it should be either Man (as in human) or "a man".
"“Sirius is very crossed with James,” Peter said as he scribbled rapidly on the parchment while not looking at me. “Thinks that James betrayed him by protecting Snape. Meanwhile James is crossed with Sirius" < twice here you've said "crossed" - it should be "cross". :)
"that Grayback thought of biting me" < his name is spelt Greyback with an "E" - although I know Americans spell grey with an a, and I don't know if the US edition spells it Grayback. If it does, feel free to ignore me. :3
Minor typos aside - they didn't really detract from the story that much, I just notice them without actually looking for them - this was yet another fantastic chapter, and you really keep it to the wonderful standard that you set in your first two chapters, so congratulations. Honestly, Rosie, this story just gets better and better - you're a really talented author! ♥Author's Response: Dun dun dun! Last review to answer!
McGonagall lived a pretty interesting life! I'm sure that she broke plenty of rules when she was at Hogwarts. Remus is a smart man, I'm sure he kinda knows of Minerva's 'revel' streak.
You know, I never really thought about it but I guess there were five, not four! Hahaha! Wolf has slowly become this OC within this story. I wasn't really planning on it but he's a completely different character than Remus. He has no qualms about asserting his authority over Sirius. Remus, on the other hand, feels bad if he gets mad at his friends. He feels like he might lose them if he does. Sad but so true.
I'm gonna have to agree with you...clothes are evil! Specially during the summer! XD
Sirius deserves to be punched. More than once I'm sure! But yeah, Remus is afraid of losing him as a friend, that's why James is the one that gets angry for him. He's the one that puts Sirius in his place even though it wasn't up to him. James here showed a lot of maturity by trying to stop Snape. He was the only one that thought of the consequences. How was Remus suppose to feel if he were to bite Snape or another student? It would drive him mad! Sirius doesn't think about that.
I don't think Lily would've noticed much without the right push, just like Hermione. I mean, she would've suspected something was wrong but nothing like being a werewolf.
Those typos are going to be the death of me. Let me fix them. *Several minutes later* Done!! All typos fixed.
Thank you so much for the compliment! I feel super bad that I took forever to respond to your reviews so I'm going to head over to your page to read something.
I hope to see you around again! Thanks for everything!
--Rosie Report Review
AH. I loved this chapter so much; I was literally on tenterhooks whilst reading it! I really enjoyed how you broke up Wolf's sections with the dialogue of Gavin and Ivan to avoid an overly long descriptive section, which was an excellent move. I liked how you accurately portrayed Wolf's feelings; how he was initially afraid of attacking the two of them because he was in unfamiliar territory and didn't know what to expect. It was very realistic to read! :D
I did get slightly confused during the scene where Ivan was trying to get away from Wolf - Gavin's dialogue indicates that Ivan has his back to Wolf and doesn't know he's there, however at the end of the same paragraph you have Ivan "backing away". That indicates he's walking backwards, facing Wolf, which conflicts with Gavin's dialogue. You might want to take another look at that. :)
I enjoyed how you described Gavin and Ivan as being members of the same pack, and the way you called Gavin's wand a stick - you really delved into Wolf's mentality here, and you did it fantastically. :D Although I don't like the fact that Gavin tried to kill my poor Remus! D: It must have been surprising for Gavin when Sirius/Padfoot suddenly went for him though! That really highlighted Sirius' protective nature and how he would - and did - risk his life to protect Remus. ♥
BAHAHAHAHA at how James had trouble getting through the window with his antlers! (Now we know why Prongs fits him so well! XD)
Remus' initial reaction was completely believable; I really liked how he was concerned about being able to taste blood and how he blew his top when he discovered his friends sleeping under the same roof as a "monster" - you really have characterized him so well!
I loved the reference of Remus' lycanthropy being mistaken for a girl's time of the month; it's a comparision I've made myself but I can't remember actually reading it in fanfiction before. The way you included it also provided amusement, as James' declaration that he wanted to be called Mr Hooves - that instantly gave me a mental picture of a cartoon stag on a dancefloor for some reason! XD
Reading through the conversation between the Marauders, I can understand why they became Animagi before confronting Remus about his "furry little problem" - and while I'll admit it doesn't fit my head-canon, I applaud you on making this fit into actual canon and creating such a believable scenario! *claps loudly*
And that ending. THAT ENDING. Rosie, you are wonderful at endings. Despite knowing what happens in the future, I was still sucked in by Remus' happiness at finally being accepted, and caught up in the same wave of euphoria as Wolf when Remus told him that they had a pack now. ♥
I did notice a few typos / missed or extra words, and for convenience I've put them all in the one place. These don't detract from the story greatly; I just notice them really easily and anyway, I'm just probably nitpicking. :3
"The name McGonagall stirred a thought on Wolf’s mind but quickly dismissed it." < There should be a "he" between "but" and "quickly".
"dog’s fur for his dear life" < The "R" is bolded?
"as I tried to take everything they were saying" < There should be an "in" between "take" and "everything".
"wondering why they hadn’t gone and to their parents" < You don't need the "and" here.
"Meanwhile if werewolf is never introduced" < There should be an "a" between "if" and "werewolf".
"to becoming an Animagi" < It should be "become".
"I preferred them in stews" < Again, this should be "prefer". :)
I'm really sorry for how long the above paragraph is; I just find it easier myself (and I know some other authors do) when people point out the specific typos. I re-read my chapters obsessively, sometimes 50+ times, so if I hadn't spotted typos then having a reviewer tell me that they're there isn't really helpful, if you know what I mean? XD
But typos aside, this was a wonderful chapter and I really am looking forward to reading the rest of this story! You're a very talented author in that you can get your characterizations so spot on. Additionally, you delve so deeply into your character and convey their emotions so well that I could feel as if I was in Wolf's/Remus' head, completely understanding the reasons behind what they did and didn't do and how they felt, and that's wonderful to see in a fanfic! ♥Author's Response: Finally working on my reviews! :D Yay, I feel accomplished! Haha! Again, I apologize for taking forever to respond! I mean, seriously...5 freaking months?! Bad, bad me! :(
I definitely had to add Ivan's and Gavin's conversation otherwise, just as you said, it would've been overly descriptive and boring. Glad you enjoyed it though!
I see what you mean and went ahead and change the line up a bit. Thanks for telling me about that!
Gavin was just afraid so of course he was going to try to kill our Remus. But yeah, of course Sirius was going to be the hero here. I tried to get into an animal's POV which, in reality, is a bit hard. I didn't wish to bore people to death but at the same time, a werewolf/wolf/animal doesn't have the same common sense we have. What we would call brother/sisters, Wolf considers a pack members. The books I've read, Kitty Norville, have really been an inspiration to the whole werewolf mythos. It's thanks to Carrie Vaughn that Wolf feels realistic!
Remus had to drop the f bomb when he discovered his friends sleeping under the same roof as him. He tried so hard to keep his secret well...secret from them but there they were, just sleeping like nothing matters. And it doesn't, not to them. That's why I changed up the canon a bit. It just shows a lot more support that the Marauders have for Remus. They're willing to do all of this for him and they don't care what 'problem' he may have.
*hugs* thank you so much for pointing out the typos/mistakes! I went ahead and fixed them so it should be good! I even read my chapters over to comb out the mistakes but I guess my brain reads one thing but understands another. XD But that's why I get reviews! So I can get help from others and sharpen the chapters to the best they can be!
It makes me all warm and fuzzy that you enjoyed this chapter! Specially the emotions and characterization. That's what I was going for! :D
Again, I'm so sorry that I've taken forever but better late than never, right? :)
Thank you so much for your kind words and help!
Until next time
--Rosie Report Review
Hello there, Rosie! :) First off, I'd like to apologize for this review being a few hours later than planned - I woke up to a leaking roof, which got progressively worse over the day and literally became a waterfall in our lounge. (And it's a two-week-old roof! -.-) But anyway - onwards with the reviews! :D
I really loved this story; you delve exceptionally well into Remus' POV! Your characterization is spot on - Remus' fight to preserve his humanity, and his anger, is just so Remus, and it's really good to see that.
I loved your description of how Remus was a "passenger" when he was transformed, and that he could only really remember what happened after he turns back into a human if he "becomes one" with Wolf, and that he doesn't want to - you really get a sense of Remus' turmoil there. And you also get into him in depth - that recital of hated things to keep Wolf at bay is a wonderfully unique quirk and with one line, adds so much to his character.
McGonagall is characterized well; the way she feels for Remus and pities him, but still treats him like any other student is done excellently, and reading this, I could really believe that this is the same McGonagall that we see in the books, so well done! :D
I did spot a typo: "if someone were to get wind that the Headmaster of Hogwarts had allowed a werewolf, everyone in the staff would get sacked" < I think you intended to include "to attend Hogwarts" or similar after the word werewolf? :)
*runs off to hug Remus tightly* *comes back* Ohmygosh, those transformation scenes! You really captured Remus' feelings incredibly well, and my heart was breaking as I read through it - I could really empathize with poor Remus. The way you included how he had to remember to take his clothes off so that he wouldn't have to greet McGonagall and Flitwick naked as he did during the last full moon not only indicates how much Wolf affects him, but stirs a little curiosity in me as to what happened last full moon that caused Remus to transform so quickly he didn't have time to undress.
“I am a human being.” My voice was now a wolfish whimper, < THIS LINE GAVE ME ALL THE FEELS. You really highlight the contrast between Remus and Wolf here, with twelve simple words, and that's just amazing. ♥
I loved the way you showed Wolf's point of view. I've read a lot of Marauder fanfics, and none of them have ever depicted Remus' transformations - a couple of them did, actually, but from the others' POVs or a third person POV, which doesn't really count - so the fact that you tackled this and wrote it beautifully is admirable.
I especially enjoyed the scenes where the Marauders entered the Shack in their Animagus forms. It was interesting to see how Wolf became confused by how their scents were familiar and yet so wrong, and reading how Wolf viewed James as "the largest piece of food he had seen walk right into his territory" brought a smile to my face. Wolf is just so completely different from Remus, and the way they view a familiar person/animal so differently just serves as a reminder of that.
"He growled loudly hoping the invaders would go away, or serve as a warning." < This sentence doesn't sit very well with me, although I'm not certain why. If I were you, I'd consider rephrasing it. :)
I loved how Remus was able to exercise some small control over Wolf, and the fact that it happened after some fighting had occurred was fantastic, as it gave the illusion that Remus was mentally miles away, and only "checked in" on Wolf occasionally instead of remaining in his thoughts all night. XD That you wrote just a few sentences later that Wolf was ignoring Remus' screams just after obeying him was the moment where I just read it and really felt Remus' powerlessness. It must be so awful for the poor boy to never know when Wolf will obey him, and when he won't. :3
And that cliffhanger has left me wondering what will happen next; how will Remus cope with the consequences of escaping (because even if he doesn't kill / hurt someone, he might have and he'll worry about that, I'm sure) as well as whether Wolf will hurt or kill someone.
The only real critique I can think of is the spacing - this might just be me, but I find it much easier to read a chapter when there's a simple line break in between chapters rather than the amount of spaces you have here. :)
This is a fantastic chapter; you've introduced us to the setting and to the characters so wonderfully, and the way you've ended it leaves me wondering what happens next. Thank goodness the next chapter's already validated! :P Again, I apologize for the delay in reviewing - a crystal ball / psychic abilities are top of my birthday list - but I hope that this review made up for it. I have to get some dinner now, but I'll be back to review the second chapter tonight and I promise I'll do the following three just as soon as I possibly can. ♥Author's Response: You wish to apologize for your review being a few hours late? I would like to grovel at your feet and ask for forgiveness for taking months to respond to it! :S I'm so sorry that I've taken forever! My life sort of took a spin out of control but I think I have a grasp on it.
Remus always struck me as this man with a lot of patience. At least the older Remus that we saw in the books. I mean...in order to be a teacher you have to be patient in the first place. But somehow I didn't get that idea for a young Remus for patience is something we learn, not something we just have.
I think he suffered a lot in his young days and I think that's where the self-hatred comes from. He tries so hard to remind himself that he's human because he lives in a society that think of his kind as low animals. They're both feared and hated. So I had Remus but fear and hate himself when he was young. That's why he chooses to keep the werewolf at bay for as long as possible and to keep ignorant of Wolf's doings. He just doesn't care. He wants absolutely nothing to do with his feral side mostly because he's, in a way, disgusted by it.
McGonagall is such a hard character to write! So I'm glad that you thought of her as a believable character!
Remus's transformation was the best part to write. Wow...that sounded horrible from me! Every time I read a Remus werewolf fic, the author never really explore the process so it was fun for me to sort of look into that and wonder how the bones would melt and readjust to that of a wolf. It sounds painful too, I won't deny it but yeah...XD
I'm very happy that you liked the Marauders's first scene. I mean, I'm not saying that this is how it happened in the books but for me, it's a lot more meaningful for them to show during the full moon to show Remus that they care and support him and that they don't care about his problem. Remus is there but you're right, he's just 'miles away' and checks in on Wolf. However, when Wolf started to behave out of the norm, Remus decided to check into him to see what was getting him riled up. The scent helped him realize what had happened so he had to put a stop to Wolf before he managed to eat James.
Thank you so much for the critique! I went head and reduced the amount of spacing and fixed the typos/grammar issues.
I once again apologize for taking forever with giving you a proper response. XD
Until next time
Hello again :)
Gosh - such an amazing chapter once again! You have such a gift for writing Remus and his werewolf side. I know I told you in the last review but the way you keep them so separate but then allow them to talk to each other at the important moments it's just fascinating to read. I'm so hooked on this story!
You have an amazing grasp on how the pack works and how both the wolf feels and reacts to the situation around him. From protecting his territory to protecting Sirius when he felt he owed him a debt. It makes it so interesting to read and you write stuff I'd never really considered before but then when I read it I'm like, well of course that must have happened!
I think my favourite bit of the chapter was when Sirius stopped the wolf biting Gavin but then when wolf was being attacked he protected him! The loyalty and friendship was just so clear even in animal form and it was just amazing!
Then you changed view again and we're right back with typical Remus, panicking that the doors open and he can taste blood. You have both Remus and the wolfs characters down perfectly.
Remus' reaction to seeing the boys downstairs was great, from being angry and unbelieveing, to then being confused by their acceptance to just being down right happy. It was lovely to read, and as I've already said, a typical Remus reaction!
I love love love that you gave the nicknames an orgin, and through doing that you showed how much the boys struggled to do what they did for Remus! It wasn't easy and Sirius getting stuck was a nice touch. Hooves made me laugh so much though! I almost wish that was what James had gone for in the end!
The way James worked out that he was a werewolf as Peter said Remus was like a girl was hilarious and from now on, this is the exact way I will think of this. It was just so great and funny!
The boys though are so cute and lovely! When they were telling Remus about all the research they did and that they were hoping to be friends with wolf Remus as Animagi. I just wanted to give them a big hug! It was lovely!
Two things I liked that you mentioned, McGonagall getting proposals from that man and the bit where Sirius tells Remus he likes his rabbits cooked. Just passing comments but they really made me smile.
Three tiny little typos:
'The name McGonagall stirred a thought on Wolf's mind but quickly dismissed it' I think it just needs to be 'he quickly dismissed it' or 'was quickly dismissed'. Your just missing a word basically.
'The dog did the same as Wolf as he carried the rat, which seemed to be clinging on the dog's fur for his dear life' the 'dear' has a bold 'r'?
'James gave me a cheeky smile and a wink just as I looked at my down on my bare shoulders' the end bit doesn't make sense. You either need 'I looked down on my bare shoulders' or 'I looked at my bare shoulders'
Just minor tiny tiny things but I haven't really got anything in the way of CC as I love the story just as it is so wanted to be helpful in some way :)
Another amazing chapter though, looking forward to reading more soon!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Waaah! I can't believe that I've taken forever and ever to come and respond to this! :(
Wolf is such a fun character to write. To be honest, he slowly became an OC of his own without even trying.
Whenever I was reading the book of Kitty Norville, they had pack moments and behavior and I started to wonder about Remus. And how it must have been with him and the rest of the Marauders. I sort of had a moment like you of "of course this must've happened!"
Remus's reactions were fun to write. In fact because of that f-bomb I had to bring of the fic rating but it wouldn't have been 'normal' if he didn't say it! I mean, he just found his three friends in the raggedy shack. The three people that he's been hiding the secret from are there, like it's nothing. Of course he was going to drop the f-bomb and be mad!
I'm super glad that I made you laugh with those moments because I think I'm horrid with comedy! I at least got someone to chuckle at my silly jokes! XD
Thank you for pointing out the CC. I went ahead and edited those parts so they should be fixed now. :D
Thank you so much for reviewing and once again so so so so sory for the delay! I feel bad! But man, real life has been kicking me in the behind lately! :(
Anyway! On with responding to your other and everyone's reviews! XD
Until next time
--Rosie Report Review
Hello, I'm here with your random review, and yay it will be the 100th one as well ;D
I loved how you talked about Remus and the wolf being seperate, as I think of them like that as well. Because it showed his split mind really! I loved the fact that though he was a wolf he was still so human. So you kept the 2 sides seperate yet merged them at times as well, which was a really great idea!
I liked the mention of the Marauders in the animal forms, as I really love reading them being animals, as it's such a cool perspective.
I thought this was a really good chapter, and I'm off to read the others as well! Sorry about this review being brief, I just want to read the next chapters ;DAuthor's Response: I finally got around to answer this! Ugh so sorry I've taken forever!
I'm glad that you liked both Remus and Wolf. They're definitely two different characters with their different tempers, likes and dislikes. Leadership is a big difference between the two. Remus tries really hard to feel human but sadly he doesnt realize that he IS human but with a furry side.
The Marauders are always fun to write about but let me tell you...writing from an animal POV is hard.
I hope you had the chance to read the other chaptets!
Thank you for your kind review and so sorry that I took forever to give you a response!
--Rosie Report Review
Hello! Laurenzo7321 here with your requested review :)
Oh, I'm so glad you requested this story! I've heard nothing but praise for it but with RL getting in the way and other requested reviews I haven't had the chance to get round to read it. It really hasn't disappointed either, I loved it!
The way you split Remus and the wolf up but they were still in contact with each other was amazing! Remus was so full of pain in the first bit, I loved how he refused to give in and give up his humanity. It was just... very Remus. You have his character spot on and it was honestly just so good to read. You then completely contrasted this with the wolf's instinctive personality and anger at being kept caged up, giving us the split personality and it worked so well. It made it feel so real.
The line you write about his heightened sense helping him sneak around with the other Marauders was great - it made me smile! I love little one liners like that!
I think your description of Remus transforming was written really well. I had vivid images the whole way through. You really got across the pain and the reluctance of the whole transformation across so just a huge well done to you!
You really wrote the wolves perspective well too. I like how he saw everything in terms of territory and packs and instantly singled Peter out as the 'runt'. My heart was literally stopping when he wanted to kill James! I liked how the combination of Sirius finally taking the submissive position and Lupin telling the wolf they were friends stopped him from doing any bad. I think the 'nagging voice' just reinforced that Lupin does still have some restraint over the wolf which was good.
I haven't really got anything in the way of CC as I loved everything the way it was. The one thing I would perhaps mention is McGonagall repeated 'Mr Lupin' a lot at the start but then using 'Mr Lupin' was in canon for her.
Amazing chapter anyway, I honestly loved it. I hope you re-request but if not I'm sure I'll be back around to read more as soon as possible!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Heya!
Finally here with your response! I'm going to keep it short unfortunately...a cut on my finger is making typing very hard and painful. Hahaha, silly knives like human blood! XD
Remus's humanity is very important to him. He grew up in a society that viewed werewolves as uncontrollable animals and not as a human beings with a problem. With every transformation, Remus has to remind himself that he is, indeed, still human...just with a furry little problem. I never imagined myself writing a werewolf story let alone dwell deeply into just one character however, writing about Remus has been quite fun! Specially Wolf, who is just the opposite of what Remus is. They may share the same body but that doesn't mean they actually like each other.
JKR said that being a werewolf was like a disease however, I couldn't ignore the myths behind werewolves...I had to give him at least advanced hearing and sight!
Hahaha, James did indeed almost become a meal. Can you imagine if that had happened! Oh, not only the guilt but it is quite nasty...wonder if that would still be called cannibalism...Sirius is the only one Wolf identifies and trusts first because he's another canine. He had to become submissive otherwise he too would've become a meal or at least attacked very badly. Remus is still sorta there...he just shuts himself away from Wolf mentally speaking. However, thanks to the scents he was able to recognize his friends so he had to intervene.
I'll definitely be going back and taking another look at Minerva to stop her from repeating herself. XD
Thank you so much for your review! I already re-requested so I hope to see you soon!!! :D
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review! It turns out that I actually haven't read chapter four yet, so I hope you don't mind that I decided to review it! :)
This was a very interesting chapter, once again showing a great understanding of the Wolf's character. Though the Wolf's perspective occupied the majority of the chapter, it suited the purpose of the chapter (at least for me). Remus, the human, would have been able to understand the situation, though not the motives behind it, immediately. The Wolf, however, can only understand that his Pack is no longer with him, has been permanently separated from him.
The emotion, the sorrow, he showed was very well done- it definitely made me think of an animal mourning its family. It was interesting that he thought of it as a mission- I wonder why the Wolf's mind thought of the mourning as a "task" to be completed. Well, animals are pretty practical...
I don't know if I've ever commented on this before, but I think that you made a good choice when you decided to write the Wolf's sections in third person. Writing from inside the mind of an animal (a werewolf, in particular) would not only be strange but also be hard to pull of realistically and believably. And a werewolf should have that detached sense, since it is a proud, occasionally violent and definitely loyal creature.
As well, I liked the reference to Peter Pettigrew, the little rat. It's interesting that he would still be in Godric's Hollow, though perhaps Wolf's reasoning that it's just a scent that rubbed off on an ordinary rat... However, I did find it a little odd that the Wolf was able to reason like that. Everything else about him seems so... not primitive, exactly, but not exactly capable of making logical deductions. But I'm not a werewolf expert by any means. :P
As well, I did spot one small thing: with the phrase "knew the Potters had argued about" I believe that there should be a comma after "Potters".
I liked Remus' section of the chapter as well, especially since it gave us a glimpse into the cracks in the Marauders' friendship and the guilt that followed. It was nice to see an explanation as to why Remus didn't go and visit Sirius, and it was one that I definitely could understand.
All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter! I look forward to what will come in chapter five. If I can hazard a guess, I imagine that it will be a small reunion between the Wolf and his pack during a certain Gryffindor's third year. ;) Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!Author's Response: Hey Roots! :D
Yeah, I realized a bit too late that I had requested for the wrong chapter! I figured you would know though instead of adding one pointless post in your review thread. XD
Wolf has become, in a way, an OC. He's Remus, yes, but for me, he acts and thinks very different. Thanks to him becoming his own persona, it has becoming a lot easier to write Wolf's parts now than it was back when I posted this. Like you said, seeing Remus mourning for the loss of his friends and the betrayal has been done plenty of times. That's why I chose for Wolf to occupy most of the chapter and do the mourning. All he understands is that his pack is gone and that he's a loner. Remus's beliefs that Sirius did it bled into Wolf's consciousness and therefore he too thinks that the Dog did it.
This chapter is indeed full of emotions! I had to sit down with pictures of sleepy, snowie villages and Enya music to get the feel of the place and chapter. Wolf wanted to pay his respects to the graves of the Stag and his mate. He saw it as his duty as the Alpha of his long gone pack; he felt he needed to do it for that and because they were like his family.
Writing in first person from Wolf's POV sounds like a nightmare I don't want to get into. Hahaha. Its far easier to just do it in 3rd.
It actually IS Peter! The way I see it, at first Peter had no idea of what to do. Don't think he actually immediately wondered into the Weasley house-hold. He lingered where he thought Voldemort could still be, in hopes that his master was still around. He spotted Remus and immediately went into panic mode. Remus is still conscious enough inside Wolf so if Peter had been caught by Wolf, Remus would've figured out what had happened. I wanted to give this story a lot of 'what ifs' and the many outcomes that Harry would've had.
I'll definitely look into that sentence and add the comma.
I always wondered why Remus didn't try and get the 'why' behind Sirius. It would've solved a lot of things! But yeah...I tried to make it as believable and understanding as to why he chose to not go and seek out the answers he had for many years.
You're absolutely right! The next chapter does take place in those certain Gryffindor's third year. XD Fast forwarding quite a bit!
Thank you so much for your kind review, Roots! :D I really appreciate it!
Until next time
Its Gabbie here with your requested review and I'm glad to be back. I really do enjoy this story and its so wonderfully written that I get sucked away every time I start it. This chapter shifted POV's and at first I wasn't sure if I would like it or not but it didn't take me long, you write Remus so well that I actually forgot about it.
And you've bumped the time up a bit, which I thought was done smoothly. There weren't any details that were forced in and making me go, "Wait, what?" hahaha and I was able to follow it very well. So Remus is still, sadly, suffering from his transformations and I'm sort of glad (Sorry Remus!) that you haven't made it easier for him. As I've learned from reading the books, his life was never easy and the transformations are just a physical way of showing it. To me at least. Haha.
Anyhoo, what a night for Wolf though! I'm glad that he was able to accept the boys as his family, it sort of made me all warm and fuzzy. Though I'm sure this wasn't supposed to be funny, that thing with the clothes was hilarious but the later events weren't! Argh, how I love how you tied this in to canon and bad Sirius! *Spanks*
I'm not sure if, by reading this I felt sorry for Snape but thank God James saved him. Wolf was about to burst through the door and rip him to shreds and the Whomping Willow was going to smack him around. He should have been a tad more grateful but he wasn't. -_-
I can't imagine why Sirius is so care free about everything, his attitude was really irritating. The other's reactions to him were spot on though and I loved that they didn't just forgive him right away.
Remus is conflicted though because he loves Sirius of course but on the other hand, what happened was very cruel and nasty on his part. Wondering how they'll make up, if its ever spoken about again?
And Remus had a conversation with Lily, its surprising to see her in this story finally, I wasn't expecting to. I'm glad that he was able to to tell her what was going on and I'm really relieved that Lily didn't have a negative reaction. Although Wolf found her pouncing to be a slight threat, haha. I favorited this story so I can read it any time I like and thanks so much for requesting it for me, I really enjoy reading it!
As for CC's there were only like, a few grammar problems but your pacing is great and your characters are as strong as ever. :D
Have some cake!
P.S.: I heard a slight rumor that they aren't sure who's going to be doing the voices for the new Sailor Moon cast. I really hope its the original actors too! ;)Author's Response: Heya! Glad that you're back!! :D
I'm thrilled that you get easily sucked right into the story. That's what I hope with every chapter I write. I try to change up the first pov we see between Wolf and Remus to keep things 'fresh' in a way. Haha. I won't want people to get bored!
The transformations are always bad on poor Remus and despite coming to terms of what he is, he's always reluctant to just give in to the beast inside him. His life, like you said, is very tough because of his condition, something I might be able to show in the 6th chapter. He's jobless thanks to Umbridge and those that know that he's a werewolf, they treat him like...well, horrible.
The whole thing with the clothes and pants was suppose to be funny, so don't worry if you laughed about it! :D
This was a scene I always knew I wanted to write about. After finishing with what I thought was the second and last chapter, my beta convinced me to write more. It was then I decided to add this scene as part of the story because I wanted to explore what would've happened between Sirius, James and Remus. What Sirius did was very careless. He didn't think of the consequences of his actions nor how Remus would've felt if he did bite Snape. There just can't be forgiveness right away.
Lily is a somewhat taboo for me...the books sorta sanctified her so I tend to stay away from her. This entire conversation was definitely tough to write but I'm glad you liked it!
I'm honored that you added this to your faves! :D And trust me, I haven't forgotten...you'll get a 'thanks' review coming soon!
Thank you so much for stopping by once more!
Until next time
--Rosie Report Review
i liked this alot, alot alot your an amazing author and thought this all out well i hope you continue because this story can't just end like this... :)Author's Response: Aww, thank you for your kind review! I'll continue it, don't worry...I still have a few moments to tell before this story wraps up! XD
Thank you for dropping by! Report Review
Hello there :) teh tarik from the forums here with your requested review!
First of all, this story has one of the most detailed, most in-depth characterisation of Lupin on the archives. In this opening chapter you've really gone deep into his perspective, and really examined his double-life (in all sense of the word) as a werewolf. This is fantastic detailed writing. You've juxtaposed the viewpoints of beast and human, and you've done it very convincingly - your human Lupin is a very realistic, anxious, somewhat introverted teenager. This is a wonderful contrast to the aggressive instinctual presence of the wolf. And despite the wolf being a powerful territorial beast and everything, it's still not invincible (as shown by its entrapment and its ability to feel threatened by other animals). There's still some fragile human part of it remaining, and I really loved it when this human voice emerged in its brain and stopped it from attacking the others.
This is just my personal preference and I don't expect you to take up on it...but i was wondering why you felt you had to italicise that entire chunk of text with Wolf's POV. It's very clear that a POV switch has occurred - as the narrative shifts from first person to a third person limited narrator. Not to mention that both narrative POVs are separated by a huge blank space in the middle :) Anyway, like I mentioned earlier: this is just my personal preference (I'm usually not fond of seeing large blocks of italicised text in a story xD). Anyway, it doesn't disrupt the flow of the story or anything so feel free to ignore this comment.
In your request you stated that you wished to "sharpen previous chapters" before finishing the story. I'm not sure what exactly you wish to sharpen; I'm going to assume that you mean to tighten things up in terms of focus, language, pacing and to have tenser action scenes. Or something :)
I think it's really really crucial to pay close attention to detail, especially to individual sentences. It's going to be quite a demanding task to go through the entire chapter sentence by sentence, but this will really enable you to have tighter control on your use of language, and can really heighten the tension of your writing.
Sentences like I had been so busy trying to think of things that I hated to keep the transformation from happening that I didn’t even notice Professor McGonagall immobilize the tree for me. are somewhat awkward and really slows the flow of the narrative down. You might want to break them up or rephrase them so they become clearer and less obstructive to the flow.
Also, this sentence: I found out at a very young age that when I begin to think of the little things I hate the most, the shifting was prolonged for a small period of time.
Again this is rather clunky, and there is also some sort of inconsistency with the tenses. There are several other sentences like these throughout your prose; I would suggest some detailed editing as they can be pretty conspicuous sometimes. The best way to identify instances of awkward phrasing is to read your story aloud (bahaha this is always hugely unpopular advice, even for me :p).
With your dialogue bits, do be careful of repetitive phrases. E.g. the part with McGonagall, she doesn't seem to say much, except repeat the variations of the same phrase four times, i.e. "Mr. Lupin are you alright?" and "Mr. Lupin?" and "Mr. Lupin?" again etc. I think you could really tighten up your dialogue and eliminate some of the repetitive phrases so they don't slow down the pacing of the scene.
Additionally, when going through your piece again, check that your sentence lengths vary, that there are short and longer sentences next to each other and things aren't too uniform. It may not sound much, but sometimes the rhythm and flow of sentences can really hold a reader's attention.
Alright, well, I think this is all I've got. This really is a very fascinating character study of Lupin; his voice and his perspective are both very intriguing, and you've done a great job in portraying a conflicted, tormented character who will never be able to escape this state of his life. Great work! I'm so happy that you requested for this story and I do hope that my review is of some help to you :) Thanks for requesting!
-tehAuthor's Response: Finally! I'm here to give you a proper response rather than a rushed one. Life's been getting in the way and all...
I'm glad that you liked my interpretation of Lupin! He's my favorite Marauder so I wanted to give him proper justice. The reason why I changed the font style is because that's how I was inspired by Carrie Vaughn's story. Her character tells the story in first POV but when she transforms into her werewolf form, the perspective changes as well as the font style. Since that's what inspired me, I decided to keep it. :)
I see what you mean. It does seem choppy...I'll definitely go back and take a second look through and see if I can smooth things out. Now that I've gotten a better feel of the story, I hope I can make the proper changes without feeling like re-writing the entire first chapter. Which would bite with already 5 chapters posted.
Argh, McGonagall...I was so afraid of giving her a speaking part. She's such a complex character that I thought I wouldn't give her enough "McGonagall-ism" if you know what I mean. However, I think I'll go ahead and give her more because you're right...I'm sure she would say more than just "Mr. Lupin."
Thank you so much for all the help you gave me!! Seriously! Maybe with your review I'll be able to really improve the previous chapters just before the story ends.
Until next time, teh!
--Rosie Report Review
Hulloo! I'm so pleased to be returning for another awesome chapter of my favorite story about Remus and his furry problem!
In the beginning, I really love the frustration and conflict that wolf is feeling. He doesn't really care much about the drama playing out around him, he just wants OUT! Even though he's furious about his imprisonment, he can't completely ignore the things he's perceiving through Remus's eyes and thoughts. The ongoing argument inside Remus's head is also well done. I was a little curious as to whether Remus could avoid his transformation altogether by simply not seeing the full moon in your version of events. He seems to be able to put it off for a long time.
Flipping to poor Remus's point of view, you did an excellent job of writing him as he gradually loses the battle to maintain control. His anger at Peter seems to feed into the wolf's fury. It's all very complimentary. It felt just right for him that his paramount concern -- as soon as he found a nice Dementor to give Peter a smooch, that is -- was the safety of the trio and Sirius and even Snape. He's such a noble guy. Also, the way that he's sick with guilt over the things he assumed about Sirius really rounded out the picture.
In the next section, you bring Wolf just a bit farther along. He knows that something isn't right. That the Rat shouldn't be there. But it only serves to confuse and frustrate him more. That was a nice bit of writing. I think many people would have been tempted to let Wolf be able to comprehend more about what was going on than his animal nature should really allow for, so props to you for not overplaying his character.
Poor Remus. He pushed his luck just a little too far. The switch that puts Remus inside the cage that Wolf has just vacated was a clever touch.
The chaotic scene outside the secret passage, as told from Wolf's point of view, was brilliantly done. I loved the way that everyone was identified in terms of basic visual details. I absolutely adored the way you wrote Peter: pathetic and in mortal terror. All of Wolf's reactions: his fear of the humans, his need to assert dominance over his pack, his anger at being defied by the Dog... all of it was perfect. Wolf's instincts -- to assert himself and find out answers to all of the questions that left him confused and angry -- seemed just right. I had really never given any thought to whether a werewolf, being a magical creature, would be able to see Dementors. But I suppose it also doesn't really matter. He knew that something grim and frightening and cold and terrible was coming and he fled. That was the main thing.
The conversation between Sirius and Remus the next morning really hit the old heartstrings. It was sad and touching and had just enough of Sirius's signature humor to feel right for the Marauders. The way he pranks Remus with the witch's robes was brilliant. Keeping Buckbeak involved was a nice bit of continuity from the book. The remorse that each of the expressed to the other was so authentic and heart-felt. I loved the fact that Lily was the one who jinxed some sense into Sirius when he was convinced that Remus was the traitor in their midst. Remus's guilt over not even traveling to Azkaban to hear Sirius's side of the story completed the circle. In the end, there's forgiveness all around, which was one of the very few good things to ever come of the tragic story of James and Lily's deaths.
I'm not sure where the story is heading next, but rest assured that I'll be there to read it! Awesome chapter, can't wait for more.Author's Response: Heya!!
Finally about time I make an appearance and answer your review. I'm so slow at this...
Wolf is definitely very, VERY frustrated by this point. He really wants out and Remus is cutting his allotted time short. I would be angry too, honestly. By diving into Wolf while still inside Remus, it gave me an opportunity to explore how it would be for the both of them. You know when you're writing and you have music or tv blaring on the room and there's a point where you blank the noise out and concentrate on the story... but subconsciously you know what its going on...that's what it is with Remus and Wolf.
At least, that's how I see it. I see Remus meditating or taking a sort of nap while Wolf is out and about but he, subconsciously, is paying attention to what is going on. That's what happened to Wolf. He was so desperate to get out, so "me, me, me" but he managed, nonetheless, to pay attention to what had happened even though he really didn't understand the complexity behind the situation.
Peter being there was the tip of the iceberg. Anger sort of blurs the line between human and werewolf. Both of them felt humiliated, wanted answers, and definitely wanted to kill. I think Remus did indeed wanted to kill Peter without Wolf's influence. He's usually the one to think things through but he just saw red when he found out the truth behind the death of is friends.
Writing about Wolf immediately understand that Peter was the traitor just didn't seem right. He's an animal who, first of all, was too preoccupied about his own freedom rather than actually pay attention to what was going on. Second...he's an animal. If he had been a regular wolf I doubt he would've cared...but he has Remus intelligence and his guidance to tell him that something is not right about Peter. I wanted to give him a while to catch on rather than just make it simple. I like to complicate my life. :3
I was torn when it came to the Dementors to be honest. I wanted to let him see it...but at the same time, he's not a magical person so perhaps his ability to see them is gone. Its indeed a tricky moment. I wanted, though, to give him the same feeling of despair a muggle would have. Hopefully maybe JKR will have the answer one day.
Sirius just needed to let go some of his old emotions and resentment regarding the whole situation; he feels guilty for even thinking that Remus was the traitor.I can imagine Sirius sitting in his cell wondering what he would say to Remus if he ever saw him again. I'm sure he had several speeches prepared but telling the truth of his feelings and thoughts about killing Remus. Remus in the books had years to go visit Sirius to get 'the truth' but he didn't and I always wondered why...writing this story has helped me see that side and I can understand why he didn't.
I really do think see Lily jinxing Sirius for waking Harry up at one point or another so I just had to add it.
I think this is the last 'Marauders' moment I'm going to have because things from here will start heading down hill, most unfortunately. There might be a bit of Harry, Ron and Hermione before the story ends as well but we'll see. Right now I'm doing an outline of the last chapters to see what I'm going to cover.
We'll see what happens next because even I don't have a clue what the next chapter will have! :D
A thousand thanks for every thing you've done for this story! :D If it hadn't been for your help, I might've dropped it into the abandoned pile a long time ago.
Until next time, Dan! Thanks for dropping by!
--Rosie Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here. Happy New Year!
I think you portray Sirius very well in the last section. I would never have thought of him stopping to help Remus after escaping from Hogwarts, but it makes sense. I like that he also pranks him by bringing women's clothing. :)
I think my favorite part is where Sirius confesses: "I hate you, mate. I hated every fiber in you and what you were." This fits very well with what we know of him from the books, but it is still shocking to hear him admit that he wanted to kill Remus. It fits perfectly though; it feels right.
The only thing I was not sure about at first in this chapter is the description of the cage that Wolf is kept in. At first I was confused as to whether you meant a physical cage or a sort of mental cage inside Remus's body. Eventually it becomes clear (to me, anyway) that it is a mental cage, but I think it may help to include some sort of reference to mind or body during the first section. Incidentally, I kept thinking of the Arcade Fire Song "My Body Is A Cage" while I was reading this part. :) I really like the cage metaphor and how Remus and Wolf's places are reversed by the moon!
I found two minor typos in one paragraph: "Wolf still felt that he still needed some answers, plus the Other One was screaming in his *hear* that the Dog was not his enemy. But *Wilf* was going to kill him if the Dog didn’t back down and allow Wolf to deal with the Rat as the leader of the pack saw fit." Other than these, nothing jumped out at me.
Thanks for another enjoyable chapter!Author's Response: Heya!
So sorry for the late response! Glad you were able to make it over. I wasn't sure if you were still taking on stories.
Writing Sirius was a bittersweet thing to do, to be honest. I know very well what is going to happen to him but I had to put that aside and give him a bit of optimism of a better life. I always wondered how Remus got back to the castle or what Sirius did after he escaped so I figured combining these two would make sense.
I honestly think that there was a point he wanted to at least beat the truth from Remus in the books. I know I would, to be honest. Specially when my godson is in danger.
It's a mental cage where Remus keeps Wolf. I'll go ahead and do a read-through and see if I can add a bit more details to make it clear. I'm glad that you liked the idea of the reverse transformation! I wasn't sure what people were going to think/say so you made me feel a bit better about that bit.
Ugh, seriously. Those typos are out to get me. I read and re-read the chapter...my beta reads it and yet they found a way to appear in the story. Ugh. Thanks for pointing them out! I'll go ahead and make the changes right now.
Thanks for dropping by and taking your time to review! The story is almost done so thank you for reviewing every chapter! :D
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
I like the fact that Remus is separate from the werewolf. Like the werewolf is someone different who lives inside Remus and occasionally comes out to breathe air before going back into hiding.
I think I've said that before but oh well, the point still stands.
I'd never thought of Remus and his werewolf as being two separate people and it was really awesome to see that and I also liked the fact that Wolf is kind of like Remus's conscious except not really.
I'm hoping that makes sense.
My favourite thing about this chapter was probably the fact that Remus/Wolf still protected his friends (or at least Sirius) even if he didn't know that they were his friends.
Just a little tip for future references but make sure that you don't accidentally end up typing a different word other than what you meant. It's happened to everyone.
For example: "which seemed to be hanging on for DEAF life."
I'm pretty sure that you mean "dear life" there and not "deaf life".
Something that I found in this fanfiction that I haven't found in other FF's is that in this we're told exactly how the Marauder's came up with their nicknames for each other. In other fanfictions there's usually no explanation given and it's just assumed and such.
It was also great that I was told as a reader exactly HOW they found out about Remus. Again, I haven't seen this in other fanfictions (or if I have, they weren't very detailed or specific.)
Anyway, I'd give this a 10/10 so great job on the chapter!Author's Response: Heya!!
So yes, Remus and Wolf are indeed sharing a body and they hate it. Remus thinks that Wolf is a disease while Wolf thinks that Remus is a nuisance because he only gets to come out one night. And you're right, Remus IS there every full moon...but not really. I get it, so don't worry.
Wolf protects Sirius a lot more because he's another canine just like him...but inferior, at least according to Wolf.
Ugh, I hate silly mistakes like that! Glad you were able to catch on it! I'll go ahead and make the change on it right now.
The part where they're coming up with the names, I think, is one of my favorite parts. Mr. Hooves part made me giggle.
Thank you so much for coming over to review this! I really appreciate it!
Until Next time
--Rosie Report Review
Hey, fellow Sailor Moon fan, its Gabbie here with your requested review and what a ride! I really enjoy the way you have Wolf's persona, he seems very well thought out and really shows us a different side to everything Remus tries hard to hide. Having that beast unleashed is scary and I could imagine how horrible it must be for him not to have any control over his actions any longer. The fact that the Wolf seemed to decide that he didn't really care about eating a kid really worried me before I thought about it. In his mind, he was prey and in the wrong place at the wrong time, though I was really worried about how things were going for a minute. What a fight too, I think you described all of the desperation and horror of the moment amazingly well! I was so scared. On one hand, I didn't want Wolf to be hurt but on the other, I didn't want him to eat anyone either! D': And bravo for actually having him wanting to eat people. Alot of people have changed that aspect about werewlves over the years but I like a good man-eating monster. :D
Hm. I probably shouldn't be so happy about that...
Anyway, that situation resolved itself in the form of the others! Thank goodness that worked out well. I was really worried about Wolf and those kids, I thought it was going to get really nasty. But its so naughty of James and the others! While I did find it touching that they all wanted to support and be there for Remus, it was dangerous. Things could have gone really wrong and they were lucky that Wolf didn't eat them out of hunger. But the next day, Remus gets more than enough support and I absolutely loved the way you had it written. It showed the bond between the boys perfectly and their dynamics were very spot on. What I really liked was how you put in those details about how they found out Remus's secret, as we don't get much from the actual HP books. So great job! I loved this chapter, I think it was dark and filled with just the right bits of action. There were only a few grammar mistakes but they don't take away from the pacing at all. So great, awesome job! :D
P.S.: Can't wait for Sailor Moon to start later on this summer! I'm fangirling just thinking about it! >_Author's Response: Heya!
I'm glad that you liked this chapter! This was suppose to be the second and last chapter but my Beta convinced me to write more. The story is almost done though, hahaha!
I liked to explore the possibility of Remus almost hurting some one. He mentioned in the 5th book that he almost came close when he was with his friends but didn't think much about it. That's the one moment (of the many I'm sure he had) of danger he posed to others. The others laugh it off but it'll eventually hit Remus of the danger.
I'm glad that you liked the fight! Fighting scenes are difficult to write for me so I'm glad that you liked it!
The reason why I had the guys go in their animagi form was to show the readers that they really didn't think of the dangers behind their actions. They didn't think of the consequences such as what if Wolf had eaten them or worse such at bitten any of them.
I'll go ahead and do a read through and see if I can find some grammar mistakes! :D
Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it!
Until next time!
This is really amazing. I love the way you've written Remus.
Keep up the good work!!
;DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! Remus has definitely been fun to write about!! :D Thanks for being my 90th review!!
---Rosie Report Review
I have a torn heart. This chapter was so much more upbeat than the last.. but Remus's last thought about Sirius one day getting to enjoy freedom is so sad because he never does and and gah :(.
I LOVED Wolf in this. The way he tracked Peter... his confusion on the traitor and, even though he'd already spent so long mourning his pack and had to move on, it was obvious how loyal he still is to them and how badly he wants to make whoever took them away pay. It's like when he starts going after Peter him and Remus are both working together, for once their thoughts aren't counteracting and fighting each other, but agreeing and both wanting so much to get rat.
And Sirius when the dementors came! Poor wolf didn't understand what was going on and Sirius bent down whining... bah. It's so sad. Why did Sirius have to die? Why does Remus have to die? WHY DID JKR TAKE AWAY ALL MY MARAUDERS ;(.
This was such a thrilling chapter that just kept bringing me through more and more emotions. I think that the wolf sections are definitely the strongest, it seems like out of anything those are the ones you love writing the most. They're always just so.. I don't know. intense, vivid, like they're breathing down my neck.
I hope that we have a (few) more chapters coming, m'dear! This one, how it tied into canon and how you showed us a different side to something that we've already seen, but not through Wolf or Remus's eyes.. it made for such an awesome chapter!
Thank you for not shattering my heart as much in this one as the last ;)Author's Response: Finally here with a response! Darn life getting in the way!
This chapter is definitely more upbeat...but I honestly think this is the last upbeat chapter in the story as its fixing to take a turn for the worse.
I tried really hard to push what I know aside and put myself in Remus's shoes and think upbeat thoughts when it came to Sirius's future. Part of me wants to NOT kill Sirius off and make this story AU but I have to! Trust me, I LOVE Sirius and Remus is my favorite adult character in the series so killing him is going to be the most difficult thing I'll have to do. And Tonks...poor Tonks! And Teddy...WHAAA! Why JK, WHY!!
*hands tea* its alright...JKR can be an evil person sometimes...killing the Marauders but she had to kill them all. But if you want we can get some torches and pitchforks, head to Edinburgh and look for her if it makes you feel better! XD
Wolf has become an OC in this story. He slowly started developing a mind of his own with me. Sometimes he's difficult to handle but for the most part I know what he wants and needs. It'll be sad to see him go in the end.
I have at least 3 more chapters to cover what I need. It'll all be downhill from here though...so don't kill me!!! :S It's not my fault the Marauders died!! :O
I'll try my hardest to not shatter your heart again! But I can't make any promises!
Until next time, dearie!
--Rosie Report Review
I have so missed this story. I've missed Remus, I've missed Wolf. I love the difference between their POVs - one human, one animal, but both in the same person. That's part of why I love reading about werewolves so much.
And this was from PoA, my favorite HP movie. It was interesting to see that part of the film/book in Remus and Wolf's views.
Sirius' and Remus' confessions were so sad, it was almost heartbreaking - that they actually thought that about each other when they were supposed to be a family. But they forgive and they know the truth now and I loved reading it from them, rather than heard from Harry.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Look forward for more!
Sam.Author's Response: Awww, I feel flattered that someone missed the story!! I'm glad that you liked the switching of POVs in this chapter. The two of them had very different reactions to the Shrieking Shack moment but in the end, like you said...they're both the same person.
From the moment I decided to make this a story with more than 2 chapters I knew that wanted to have a the PoA's Shrieking Shack revelation from Remus's POV and then switch it to Wolf. I wanted to make the attack on Harry, Ron and Hermione seem like Wolf was scared of them rather than for blood lust.
The confession took me by surprise, to be honest. I had no idea I wanted to do that...until my fingers started typing Sirius's lines. So he, in a way, totally surprised me! I honestly believe that they got together and talked their emotions outs. In a manly way, of course, in a way to seek forgiveness from the other.
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you SO much for coming by and reviewing! Hang on tight, because there may be only 3 more chapters to go! :D
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
Its Gabbie with your requested review! I told you that I would show up really soon and here I am so, happy to meet you and thanks for the great read!
I've never read many stories from Remus's POV so that's what I immediately liked and the dark nature of the first few paragraphs really lured me in. I liked how you described his inner turmoil with what he was, that was always something that I'd wanted more information about. I'd always gotten a sense that there was alot of pain for him and you showed that very well. The bits of canon were great too, with McGonagall being there to take him to the Whomping Willow instead of just omitting that fact and leaving him alone. The Remus you've portrayed is flooded with pain but there's alot of heart in him and I really loved that you made certain of that. His refusal to give up his humanity was powerful and the narration you gave versus the wolf inside of him were brilliant. :D
Also, I'm a huge fan of werewolves anyway so I liked that you kept his transformation gritty and painful. Movies sometimes stray away from that aspect of it and I'm glad that you didn't, I was able to feel every bit of his agony. :D
^I hope that didn't sound too weird.
Really loved the POV of the Wolf as well, I thought that was a pretty bold choice, showing his view on things. The animal is different from the man and his basic needs were really fascinating and I loved that you added James and the rest. It showed just how much they cared about each other to actually sneak in to check on him. But the fight and actual reveal of just what Remus was...that was some tense reading! They probably should have waited the day AFTER to transform and confront him, just between me and you. Hahha.
But now you've got me worried with that ending. The Wolf has escaped and well, I'm really worried about him running amok on the grounds and I'm extremely curious on where you're going to be taking this.
The only thing that I can say is that some of your wording felt a litle stilted and that adding in a few longer, smoother sentences would help. Other than that, it was a great introduction to your story and I'll be back! :D
GabbieAuthor's Response: Heya!!
Wish I had been fast as you were to answer this review! Ugh, so sorry that it has taken a while! Life really got in the way the last few weeks. However, now with the Holidays being over and everything settling down...I'm here! :D
Remus is my favorite Marauder and adult character in the series but I never imagined that I was going to write a story about him! When I wrote this, I decided to get out of my comfort zone and try my hand at First POV which I found extremely difficult at first but I have to thank the Kitty Norville books because they are my total inspiration when it comes to Remus and Wolf.
Poor Remus IS indeed in a lot of pain and full of self hatred. He grew up in a society where werewolves are hated, mistrusted and just inhumant! So Remus sees himself as a horrible monster when he just wants to be human. He doesn't seem himself as human at all...but there's that small determination in him that tells him that yes, yes he is! He slowly starts to accept Wolf but he doesn't like him 100% You'll see in the future!
Oh trust me, you don't sound weird! Some of my reviewers have said the same thing about his transformation!
You'll see why I chose the Marauders to just show up in his transformation rather than waiting!
I definitely need to go back and re-read this chapter and re-edit with my beta. So thank you for pointing that out! I'll be sure to touch it again after the story is finished.
Thank you so much for coming and reviewing this chapter! :D
Until next time!!
--Rosie Report Review
Okay, I really liked this chapter and I don't have anything to really critique about it. :) I think this is my favorite part of your story so far, because it presents the deaths of the Potters in a totally new way -- through the eyes of the Wolf!
A couple of my favorite passages: "He howled once more, shifting his tone so it sounded like it was another wolf joining him." I really like how you show that he is alone and vulnerable. I would never have thought to include something like this.
"For a few heartbeats he had been hopeful that the smallest member of the Pack was still alive but by the looks of it, he had imagined it. Grief will do that to you, the nagging voice said." I love that you show how close Remus could have been to discovering the truth about Peter then, only to doubt his own senses. This is very sad, but also very Remus. I also like how the Wolf refers to human-Remus as The Other.
I don't know what you have planned for the next chapters, but I'm curious as to how Remus spends his time between the Potters' murders and teaching at Hogwarts. :)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter! As horrible as it may sounds...it has been one of my favorite to write. I had to sit down to Enya's music and pictures of towns to get the feel of the chapter.
Wolf is definitely alone and vulnerable in this chapter. I had to look around to see how wolves deal with deaths in their pack and how lone wolves behave...in the end I learned that lone wolves, when howling, shift their tone to fool other predators around. I thought that was nifty so I had to add it to this chapter! Glad you liked it!
Oh Remus was so incredible close to finding the truth! If he had found Peter, I'm sure he would've taken Peter to Azkaban and trade him for Sirius right then and there! It has been tough to not get Wolf to call Remus by name because it'll be a lot easier on my part, but I know he doesn't care much for him to begin calling him by name. Remus himself doesn't call Wolf Wolf but chooses to call him 'him', 'the beast', 'the werewolf'. They're like flatmates that don't like each other but have to deal with one another no matter what.
I might write a one-shot story that tells the story of Remus during the time between the Potter's murders and teaching. I think you'll be surprised to see what happens in the following chapter!
Anyway! Thanks for reviewing and sticking with the story so far!!! :D
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
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