Reading Reviews for When The Storm Breaks
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp Good Night, Good Luck

20th October 2014:
Hi Lia!

I am here for the much, much delayed TGS review exchange (from September). Sorry for the delay!

This was a great beginning to the story and I loved it. I love your portrayal of Lucius. You've really shown him in a different light here and it's quite interesting. I also like how you've shown the Malfoy family household and its members.

This chapter was a great way to set the scene, introduce the characters, and shed some light on Lucius' thoughts and feelings. The way the events of Voldemort's rise tie in with it is nicely done and I'm curious to see in which direction the story is headed.

Great job!
Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #2, by patronus_charm Good Night, Good Luck

2nd October 2014:
Hi Lia, sorry for the lateness but Iím finally here for our exchange!

Ooh I really loved your opening description, all your description for that matter as it was so dark and intriguing and really fitted in with the mood of the story. I thought it was really great that you put a lot of emphasis on it as I could really imagine the pureblood society you were writing about, and just added so much to the story.

Another minor but sort of related point but I really loved the effort you went into with your dialogue and their thoughts too, and how you made it appropriate for their social class. Even though this is going to sound kind of weird but it made it so much more fun to read and I really appreciated the effort you put into that.

Livia is a really intriguing character and Iím really liking my first impressions of her. I also have a feeling that thereís going to be some really interesting backstory to her and that sheís had lots of twists and turns in her past so I hope that turns out to be true. Another thing I liked was the friendly banter she had with Lucius and Felix about her husband because you rarely see purebloods open up whereas this was a nice opportunity to see that and see the real them too.

Luciusís character is an intriguing one too with the way he felt pity for what happened to Benjy Fenwick because it seems as if his time at Hogwarts wasnít a stereotypical one when you think of either Malfoys or Slytherins so I hope thatís explored more throughout the story too. Also, Felix seems like a cool character too and I canít wait to see more of him!

Overall, a great first chapter :D

-Kiana

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Review #3, by Lululuna What Might Have Been Lost

3rd August 2014:
Hi Lia! I'm finally here with your review from TGS, I'm so sorry for taking this long! Usually I do a lot better with being punctual with these things but RL has been awful this month.

I read Sense and Sensibility years ago when I was too young to really appreciate Austen, but reading this and tying in all the characters to their inspirations is really cool. I wish there were more fanfics like this that adapt classical novels because the concept is really fascinating and it's amazing seeing how things can tie together in the HP world. Of course the story can't be exactly like the original Austen but I think the manipulations of the canon characters works quite well here.

I like how you keep that classical Austen feel: of country houses, inheritance, propriety, while blending it into the pre-Marauders era. It fits well with the strict structures of the traditional pureblood society, even though there are differences: like Lucius' mother insisting he get a job, which would be quite modern for a rich young aristocrat. I also liked how the story tied into the First Wizarding War timeline, particularly in the early chapters with the mention of Benjy Fenwick dying and the Death Eater attacks. Voldy seems more like a rising terrorist force than an actual threat to society, and I'm curious to see if Lucius joining up would become a further theme.

I love how you tied in the Black sisters with the girls from S&S. Bellatrix fits so well as being wild and spiritied, and her HP character is someone who entirely lacks sense and follows her wills and emotions. Andromeda is wonderful as well and I'm quite curious to see if Ted Tonks will appear as a suitor and whether he will be the Willoughby or Colonel Brandon figure.

I can already tell that Lucius and Narcissa complement one another quite well, with how they're both at the head of the family, have suffered loss of a parent, and have a mature sense of responsibility. Siobhan complicates things too: I quite liked her and how well she understands Lucius, and her sort of lanky, unusual kind of beauty which he is attracted to. I can imagine her as the Lucy Steele character in that Lucius honouring his commitment to her (even if he doesn't love her anymore) and marrying her would be grounds for him to be disowned by his family if her blood status isn't good enough.

With regards to this individual chapter, I loved how you described the Black women waiting for their new guests to arrive. It was so ominous and tense, and showed how not only were they waiting for guests but also for their lives to change and to be driven out of the lives they thought they had. It's quite tragic in a way. The decadence and need to show off possessions and wealth came across as well in the concentration of how they would be presented.

I really enjoyed reading this, and will add it to my favourites to keep an eye out for updates. It's a really neat story, and your writing does an excellent job of bringing the AU world to life and making it engrossing. Great work! :)

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Review #4, by magnolia_magic Good Night, Good Luck

29th July 2014:
Hi Lia! Maggie here from the TGS review exchange!

I will admit that stories about the Malfoys are usually not my thing. So I absolutely never would have chosen this story to read, but that's the great thing about the review exchange! I'm very happy I got the chance to read this, because I really enjoyed this opening chapter and what you did with it.

One thing I thought was really effective was the opening few paragraphs, where you set the scene. I like that you take your time with it and really allow us to sink into the details. The rainy night, the sunset, the overgrown plants around the grounds, and Lucius gazing out the window. It's a great image, and it really gives off a pensive vibe to start the story off. That seems to fit Lucius' inner voice very well, and I appreciated your use of physical details and imagery to reflect his mood in this chapter. It's a skill I'd like to work on :)

Here and there I did notice a few grammatical issues. It was mostly comma splices, and there were only a few. It didn't distract me too much, but it could be something you want to look over later.

I think you did a great job portraying pureblood aristocratic life. Everyone seems so gloomy except when Livia and their mother are sharing gossip. They don't seem to have a lot of other outlets for entertainment, probably because they are so consumed with keeping up appearances. Your portrayal of the Malfoy family seemed very much in keeping with how I'd imagine them: very haughty, proud, and set in their ways.

I'm really impressed with your Lucius! He's a sympathetic character (I definitely don't envy his position, as he seems to have an incredibly amount of responsibility on his shoulders), but you kept him appropriately aloof and Malfoy-ish. I'm really looking forward to reading more of him. And Felix is a really interesting character as well. The contrast between him and Lucius is very well done. The scene at dinner when he talked about his new magic carpet was a great way to show the vastly different experiences two siblings can have in the same family. The older son has to bear the burdens of wealth and status, while the younger one gets to reap all the benefits. Really compelling stuff :)

I enjoyed this! I'm looking forward to reading on and seeing the difficult pairing you mentioned in your author's note :) So glad we got paired together, Lia! Keep up the awesome work!

--Maggie

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Review #5, by Violet Gryfindor Death and All of His Friends

15th December 2012:
This is long overdue, but finally I've had the chance to read this chapter! You have certainly adjusted the Black family tree to suit the story, yet you've done so in a way that suits the individual characters. I wasn't sure about it at first, but then I took note of the way you made Bella the youngest, when Margaret Dashwood is the untamed, outspoken sister. It works equally well Narcissa to align Narcissa with Elinor and Andromeda with Marianne - I'm interested to see how you'll handle her storyline later on. ;)

The one thing I'm uncertain about in your creation of the AU world is the date you've set - 1977 seems too late. Although you make it fit Benjy Fenwick's death, it does raise too many problems with the timeline that probably aren't necessary. It only strikes me in this chapter because of Sirius's age. I'm just curious as to why you chose 1977.

What I like best about this story is that you do follow a male character, which is not only refreshing for a romance story, but also for a story based on Austen. I know that it was part of the challenge, but you've done a fantastic job with Lucius's character, making him sympathetic and dynamic, torn in multiple directions by his family, his duty, and the strange occurrences taking place around him. It's fantastic how you show him displaying outward calm while he's actually experiencing quite a lot of turmoil within - it gives him added depth and makes his point of view more interesting to follow. But it also reveals the contradictions and frustrations within pureblood society, which is perfect for a story that's reworking Austen's novel. Sense and Sensibility is scathing in its social commentary, and you're capturing a good measure of that here.

I'm looking forward to seeing how you keep developing this story! What you've done in creating the AU world and working closely with Austen's storyline and character is impressive! :D

Author's Response: I was very surprised to see this pop up here, but pleased nonetheless.

Yes, I have. And it continues to plague me. I'm still trying to prepare for later parts of this story and who should be introduced as whom. I'm still a bit nervous about certain things. I thought about them for a while - the three Dashwood sisters and the three Black sisters and compared them. At once, the only thing I saw in my head was Narcissa being Elinor, who I like to refer as 'the glue'. Andromeda and Marianne have similar characteristics as well, and I think you might enjoy what I have in store for her - this one I definitely had to plan in advance! Even though Bella is made the youngest here, I don't see how she could be anyone else, but Margaret.

I chose 1977 because I wanted to align everyone's ages with the characters in the book. With Lucius as my main character, I wanted to keep his birth year the same, but have him the estimated age that Edward was, when S&S began which was 23. Honestly, I've thought about this for a while before you pointed it out because I thought the year was too soon to Voldemort's fall, and Lucius and Narcissa are now meeting. So your worry is not unfounded. Since I saw this review I've thought about it some more and I'm contemplating fixing the timeline before anything goes any further. It is AU after all, so more manipulation can be achieved.

I lamented getting a male character, but then I thought about all the things that happened that we weren't told much about, or never saw first hand. For example, that awkward moment when Edward finds Lucy and Elinor in the same room. While we got Elinor's perspective, it would have been interesting to read about Edward's inner turmoil! Heee :)

I'm really biased when it comes to the Malfoys (or any Slytherin). I like to think that there is something else living behind that porcelain Death Eater's mask. I'm a bit determined to tell my version of his story and what happened to him that he turned out how he turned out. At the moment, everything is all a bit much. I'm glad you said that there are a lot of contradictions because in the following chapter, you'll see a good example of that. As much as they'd like to think, the purebloods are not that different from anyone else.

Thank you for your incredible feedback and kind words. I really appreciate them!


Lia


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Review #6, by tangledconstellations What Might Have Been Lost

18th October 2012:
Hey again!

It was great to return to Narcissa in this chapter. I love that you've turned the general view of Narcissa and Lucius being inherently nasty right on its head, because to me they seem quite lovely. It's amazing to see them as actual people, and not just the parents of Harry Potter's enemy! Their meetings and their very very initial feelings towards one other work really well - especially considering the Siobhan character from the previous chapter. I know I said before, but I love how this isn't a 'love at first sight' story, yet you've still managed to include the slightest bits of attraction here and there too.

Something I do really enjoy about this fic too is that you don't just slip over the rest of the family members. I can tell you're making an effort to include Bella and Andromeda, which is really great. For some readers, it might be the family dynamics that they really want to hear more about, so I think it's good that you've kept these well rounded and interesting. As with Lucius and Narcissa, they're not all typically bad either, yet their are inklings about their future. I loved the earlier line where the servants couldn't quite put their finger on what was strange about Bella...lots of foreshadowing to the canon Bella we know!

I really enjoyed this chapter - there's a swiftness about your writing that really carries the reader through your chapters. Saying that though you never seem to lack on any of the details, and the images you paint are always really beautiful. I loved Livia arriving - the awkwardness and the tension - it was perfect! :D

Hope you're doing okay with the next chapter, and an update won't be too far away! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey :)

I loved writing this chapter. LOVED it! There's something about writing Narcissa that makes me smile. I don't believe that they are nasty people when amongst themselves. There's a certain loyalty I found within these pureblood families while reading the series. I like emphasising that they are people under those masks who have their own problems, and who aren't pure evil. I must stop, otherwise I'll turn this into 'in the defence of the Slytherins' post. Oh no, definitely not love at first sight. I think for now they've developed an understanding. Lucius sees small comparisons between himself and Narcissa, and I think that's what draws him to her. Cissa, at the moment, is trying to be polite.

While they are based off of Austen's characters, I still want to introduce them as we know them from canon. So, Andromeda is passionate, Bella is spirited, and Narcissa√ʬĬ¶she tries to be the glue that holds things together. I honestly cannot write this story without any of them. It would not be fair.

Ah yes, Livia. I thought that scene was funny. Seriously. She tends to have that affect on people :P But it was the beginning of the end, and most likely a taste of what is to come for her new household.

I'm trying to finetune some things at the moment. But I hope to get out the new chapter in a few weeks time.

Thanks for being so lovely with your reviews, Laura.


Lia


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Review #7, by tangledconstellations It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

17th October 2012:
Hello! I'm so sorry it's taken me forever and a day to get round to reviewing this. My summer was the weirdest ever, but now I'm at uni I've got way too much free time :P

I was so absolutely absorbed by this whole chapter. I was just reading and reading and reading, and reaching the end actually surprised me haha! I really, really enjoyed this. You've brought in a lot of new elements and challenges that Lucius has to face, and as a character he is growing into someone that I really like. He does have so much responsibility, and holding the family up when he doesn't quite feel as though he should be must be so difficult. A lot of the tension is really expressed through your writing, too, which, by the way, is as mesmerising as ever. The overall sense of this third chapter was one of weariness and pressure but at the same time I got the impression that there's got to be a moment where Lucius breaks out of this. The anticipation is heightened!

I can't remember which parts I've touched on in previous reviews, but I'm going to say this just in case I haven't already: your writing is gorgeous! There's a simplicity to it that isn't overbearing, and you set the scenes in a really lovely way. I like the switching of scenes too, because it gives things a quirky disjointed sense that compliments Lucius' feelings. The way you described Siobhan and Lucius too was really effective - there were elements of sexual tension and a little bit of longing but you snipped that back with Siobhans somewhat dominating character and her need to know exactly how he is - like a true friend would ask. At the same time there was a gentleness about their moment together as well. The two of them are really interesting, and I'm beginning to wonder how this slots in with Narcissa, too.

Ooh, something else I really enjoyed was the way you flipped back to Siobhan and Lucius meeting. It was really lovely to take a break from the present for a moment. Rather than telling us how they met you showed us how they met, which is always one thousand times more effective and encapsulating than paraphrasing! The way they talk to one another is perfect - short, snippy, but carefully. I basically think this review is a Siobhan appreciation rant, haha! But no, she's an awesome character to bring in at this point.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this! I'm still quite not over the fact that Lucius is the good guy in this - it's such a fantastic perspective to take. Loved this chapter :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura,

I'm so sorry I took so long to respond to this. I've had a hard time thinking of what to say.

I'm trying to put a lot of things in perspective for him. It's been a while since his father passed and he is still trying to learn new things about what his title entails. At the same time, his natural development is stifled. I agree with you. He still feels as if he's way too young for this. There are too many things happening all at once for him. His mother's pressuring about finding a wife, his relationship with Siobhan, his family, his father's influence, and what he ultimately wants. I loved writing the scene with his mother the most. She's a bit inconsistent with what she wants. She preaches, but apparently does not practice, and all of it has made her grow resentful. Maybe all of them might get a moment where they can break away.

I'm glad you think so, thank you. Siobhan and Lucius. Hmm. Before I refused to see him with anyone but Narcissa, but these things are never set in stone (in the fandom). She can be a bit bossy, but there's this quietness about her that I like, sometimes Lucius doesn't have to say anything at all because she would just /know/. I loved the kiss on the inside of the wrist. It's so√ʬĬ¶old fashioned and hot at the same time. All I have to do is make Lucius wear a cravat then have him loosen it. The more I think about how this story will progress, the more I appreciate the fact that she is a true Ravenclaw. Narcissa will shine√ʬĬ¶at least I hope she does.

Hahaha. I like the sound of that - a Siobhan appreciation rant/review/post! (she would too). She happened to catch him at an interesting time in his life, I think. It was the point where he needed someone other than his family.

Well, every bad guy has to have a beginning. This is my version of his :)

Thanks for reading!

Lia


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Review #8, by Sunflower It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

16th September 2012:
Hi there! Back for the TGS review-swap!

Once again this was a great chapter. Your description is very well done. I thought Siobhan and Lucius were an odd pairing, yet you make them work. Their conversation flowed really well. You have a talent with dialogue.

I loved how Lucius still has to remind himself to refer to the office as his office instead of his father's. And his mother's snide remark: your father used to keep his desk tidy. It all hints to the struggles of Lucius: his mother not approving of his methods and Lucius's struggles with the task given to him. Very well done.

Lastly, the conversation between Lucius and his mother. It was so well done. You have a natural gift with dialogue, it flows effortlessly. I loved how many things were revealed without any description: the job, the marriage and his parents' marriage. It reflected very well on Lucius's predicament. I mean, you revealed that Lucius does not care that much for Siobhan, nor was the marriage of his parents one of love. I adored it.

Once again, very well done! You should definitely be proud of this.

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh yes, very odd indeed. The reclusive Slytherin and the quirky Ravenclaw. But yes, I agree with you they work very well together. A reviewer mentioned that they think it's going to be difficult trying to get the Lucius/Narcissa pairing to sell.

Our Lucius still has a lot of problems. It has been a while, but he still hasn't gotten used to everything as yet. Naturally, Adeline doesn't help him much either, does she? I'm glad you picked upon those things, they will be very important in the future.

I wondered about revealing those things so early in the narrative, but we'll see how they work out. His job, or lack thereof, could be important and so does his parents' marriage, but obviously I can't reveal why yet :P It's interesting that you look at his relationship with Siobhan that way. It wasn't my intention to bring it across like that. Hmm.

Thank you so much for leaving all these lovely reviews. I'm so sorry I took so long to get to them.


Lia


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Review #9, by Sunflower Death and All of His Friends

16th September 2012:
I'm back for the second chapter!

yup, it's decided. You're amazing at writing description. Especially of nature? :P I'm really impressed!

I hate Livia. And then, I love her. She's so well crafted. So aristocratic and just how I'd imagine a spoiled brat being. That she'd ask about the will 12 hrs after the death is horrible and yet great. Also how his mother is concerned with their seating-arrangements in the middle of a funeral... tsk.

I loved little Sirius - he was such a darling. Very different to see Lucius worrying about his nephew, but I suppose it makes sense as Sirius hasn't rebelled yet.

I loved the introduction of Narcissa. You can tell he's immediately drawn to her. I also liked the relationship between Narcissa and Bellatrix. It's very different to how I'd always imagined it, and yet somehow it fits?

I loved the ending and thought it very intriguing. Can't wait to read more! So really well done, the writing's phenomenal and so is the characterization of the characters.

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so, so sorry I've gotten to these so late. I've been really busy lately - I felt like a headless chicken most days. And on top of that, the response for chapter one was the wrong one. So, I'm responding for both of them in this one.

I'm glad you liked the setting. Everyone who's reviewed so far thought it was great, so thank you. There's something about a storm and a very big house that resonates the air of mystery ;)

Well, the story was set a few years after the take over, but his feelings about it haven't changed. He's 24 years old and hasn't quite lived his life. Instead, he took care of a massive household since he turned 17 - which isn't at all fair. Ooh, that's an interesting point to catch - I never looked at it that way.

I love pureblood stories. There's so much more to them than really meets the eye, so it's nice that as a writer I can explore that. They really try hard to be 'sensible', don't they? But it doesn't always flow with the times. Poor Lucius caught in the middle of it all, but as canon shows us, he turns into that.

To tell you the truth, I was nervous about tackling this, because it's Jane Austen. But the more I got into it, the more I realised how similar these characters really are. So, yes this is going to be fun :)

Description has been finicky for me. It's a struggle between writing too much and writing too little. However, I am glad you like my attempts :)

LOL. Don't worry, I hate her too, but I love writing her. It's a treat to be a bit nasty on paper sometimes. She has fit Fanny Dashwood's character perfectly though. Tactless. Exactly! Pureblooded and snobby, exactly how they should be. Adeline has her moments though, but Livia is ten times worse.

Hee. Sirius! You could tell he's on the road to rebellion though, he isn't particularly fond of his Granny. Times will change for all of them though.

I loved, loved writing that scene. It's not the most traditional of introductions given their backgrounds, but it's one that really sticks because on Lucius' part he realises that they are very alike in terms of situations. But very different when it comes to family dynamic. Bellatrix and Narcissa have always been close - yes. I agree with you though. In canon the roles are reversed, but Bella isn't one for mollycoddling, and Narcissa might probably suffer in silence.

Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed reading this. I'm pretty thrilled at the responses this has so far.


Thank you so much!


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Review #10, by Sunflower Good Night, Good Luck

16th September 2012:
Hi! I'm here for TGS review-swap! :)

I loved the setting and the atmosphere you've created. It really stood out and I loved the description of it. It gave a rather creepy atmosphere and I found it very lovely. The writing is very good as well and the flow was excellent.

Meeting Lucius just as he's taking over the castle and taking responsibility is also really intriguing. I loved the duality of his character: that he was trying to be an adult and then playing around with the food on his plate. Idk, I just thought it showed his character really well, so probs for that! You've shown a very different side to him as well, which is refreshing! I can't wait to see what you do with that.

You really nailed the pureblood-family dynamic, too. All the prejudice and "sensible talk" - it was all quite well-done. I've always loved this part about the purebloods: the expectations, the things unsaid - so naturally I was eating it all up. Really well done! I love a good pureblood-story :P

I love that you're converting a Jane Austen classic. I really can't wait to see where you go with that.

Your description really shone in this chapter and established the scene very nicely. So overall, a great first chapter - I'm intrigued!

Author's Response: Hi again, Becky :)

Nope, I don't mind at all. I do the same thing sometimes.

When I first got this pairing, I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to put Lucius, and obviously he'd be paired with Narcissa somehow. But, like you, I got some of the symmetry later on. For example Andromeda and Marianne are quite similar - so similar it's scary. If you read on, you'll get to see :P

Really? I would not have thought that at all. If anything, I thought some things were missing from it. That's what I love about reviewers and their opinions! Siobhan, I think, is proving to be a very interesting character. She's very clever, though not at first glance. Having such a great dynamic with Lucius already only adds to the drama of it. If they're so smitten however will this ship sink? It does raise the bar, and so far Lucius/Siobhan are winning.

Thank you for reviewing!

Lia


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Review #11, by Arithmancy_Wiz It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

31st August 2012:
Hello again, Lia. I'm back with the second half of my review. I hope you don't mind that I'm reviewing the last two chapters together.

I really like how the story is progressing. I am definitely starting to see the bits and pieces of S&S starting to peak their way through the plot. I didn't think about it when I read the first chapter but there is some fun symmetry between the three Black sisters and the Dashwood girls.

Like in the first chapter, I really enjoyed the atmosphere you created, particularly at the start of chapter two. The lingering storm was a nice metaphor for Lucius' continuing unease. Structure-wise, I thought the conversation between Lucius and Siobhan at the start of chapter three was the best written scene so far. It flowed really well, the dialogue was very natural, and it actually revealed a lot about the characters' personalities, especially when followed up with the scene showing how they first met. It made me connect with them both, which raises the stakes for the Lucius/Narcissa interactions to follow.

I'm really glad we got paired up for the swap this time around and I got an excuse to read your story. I'll definitely be checking back for updates!

Author's Response: Hi again, Becky :)

Nope, I don't mind at all. I do the same thing sometimes.

When I first got this pairing, I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to put Lucius, and obviously he'd be paired with Narcissa somehow. But, like you, I got some of the symmetry later on. For example Andromeda and Marianne are quite similar - so similar it's scary. If you read on, you'll get to see :P

Really? I would not have thought that at all. If anything, I thought some things were missing from it. That's what I love about reviewers and their opinions! Siobhan, I think, is proving to be a very interesting character. She's very clever, though not at first glance. Having such a great dynamic with Lucius already only adds to the drama of it. If they're so smitten however will this ship sink? It does raise the bar, and so far Lucius/Siobhan are winning.

Thank you for reviewing!

Lia


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Review #12, by Arithmancy_Wiz Good Night, Good Luck

27th August 2012:
Hi, lia. I'm here with my review for the TGS swap!

This is actually the second story I've come across from the Convert a Classic challenge. I'm rather jealous, truth be told. I started a story for that challenge but didn't get it finished in time to post. Anyway, Sense and Sensibility is a wonderful novel, though I can see how it might be a challenge to work with. But so far, you seem to be off to a great start!

The first thing that really hits you with this chapter is the atmosphere you've created, both inside the Manor and out. The darkness, the ice, the encroaching vines. It all sets such a fantastic mood, not to mention a sense of foreboding, which you follow up with nicely through the Dark Mark in the newspaper and the whispers between Lucius and his brother about poor Benjy Fenwick.

The family drama/dynamic also really stands out in this chapter. I think you've hit the nail on the head here as far as drawing parallels between this story and pretty much all the stories written by Austin. It's just as much about the contrast and interplay between the family members as it is about how the family as a whole deals with the outside world.

The only CC I'd offer (if you're interested) is in regards to a few mechanical/technical issues. There were a few slips into present tense, when the rest of the story is in past tense. Also, you may want to be careful with the punctuation leading in and out of dialogue. Just a few examples:

- "You sound a bit too cheerful about your prospects, Livia," Lucius sat across from them in an armchair, tugging at his collar.

- "Yes, well you could remind me about that when you actually have a wife." She bit back.

In the first sentence you really want a period after Livia, or else to add in something like "...Livia," Lucius said, sitting across from them in the armchair... The opposite is true for the second example, which should probably be "...wife," she bit back. The biting back is how she responded and needs a comma. The sitting in the chair is just what he was doing while talking so you need something like the word said (or exclaimed, replied, retorted, etc.), or else just use a period.

I definitely plan to read and review more, but an overall great start to the story. Can't wait to see how you weave in a bit more S&S.

Author's Response: Hi Becky,

I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond to this! I've been really busy with the awards and life in general.

This isn't the easiest thing I've done - at all. But I did have fun trying to figure out these characters and trying to draw parallels for some of the scenes. Hopefully I'll get some more if it written :)

Yes, I've gotten a lot of comments about that and all of you are absolutely right. I wanted to make the first chapter an introduction of sorts into the dire times they were in. Granted, it's a bit late for things to be getting off the ground, I have four years to put things into the same guise as Canon. But then again, this is what fanfic is all about.

I loved writing family dynamic in this fic. I loved getting into the minds of these characters. I haven't seen much written about Lucius and his family. Most people write about his father, but not about his mother or even if he had other siblings here. Abraxas might be dead, but his presence is still felt. The Black family might be a bit more interesting as well, but that has yet to be decided. Considering they are in this setting, they are sheltered from the outside world, but at the end of the chapter we see that things will change - most definitely.

Sure. Yes, those are always a problem, my betas all tell me that too, so I have to try harder to get it right.


Thank you so much for reviewing, and I'm really sorry I took so long to answer.

xx
Lia


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Review #13, by academica It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

15th August 2012:
Hi Lia! I decided to finally come read chapter three :)

Ooh, Lucius has a cute girlfriend! (And she has dark hair? Blasphemy! Haha.) I love that little line about the blue and gray carpet, because it subtly told me that Siobhan was in Ravenclaw without having to state it outright. I don't think it's wrong that you did state it afterward; I just admire your way of slipping in those teeny-tiny details.

Ooh again, because your schoolboy Lucius isn't all stuffy and acting way too old for his age. He's actually allowed to laugh and resent his assignments, not because they're beneath him but because he - like any other student - hates homework. It's also nice to see him not being extremely stupid or exceptionally intelligent. He's got the block - again, just like everyone else. I really love how realistic he feels to me here.

Oh dear, the dreaded "hurry up and get married" conversation. I love how Adeline tried to be sly and just slip it in there under the guise of talking primarily about gainful employment. I sense that perhaps she will not approve of dear Siobhan. Maybe that Ministry job will have to happen...

This was lovely. Looking forward to the next :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda!

Oh yay! I'm glad you think so! Ahaha yes, dark hair! I liked writing Siobhan, I think she's an interesting character with loads of insight. Ooh, really? I didn't even think about that, but thank you for noticing anyway!

Yesss. I pictured him in the library with rolled-up sleeves looking very frustrated with everything. He might be from a wealthy pureblood family, but there is a time and a place. I'm trying to make him into a human being, and possibly show the start of his transition into someone else.

She is a sly woman, Adeline. She thinks it's about time her son settles down, she wants more grandkids. She knows full well he doesn't really have to work, but we'll see how this turns out ;)

Thank you so much for stopping by! I really appreciate it :)

Lia


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Review #14, by DracoFerret11 It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

7th August 2012:
Hi again!

Characterization: Okay! So we have Lucius and Siobhan, as well as Adeline in this chapter. By the way, I love all the names you've chosen. :] Lucius was just as good as usual. I liked the flashback where we got to see his younger self. Siobhan was quite interesting. I liked that she was a Ravenclaw. I feel like that's the only House that would be believable (besides Slytherin, of course) for Lucius to befriend. I liked the flashback where we got to know her, and I'm curious as to where she really fits into the rest of the story. Adeline was also good. I liked seeing her insistence that Lucius make something of himself. That made a lot of sense to be. She would want him to be successful and impressive. I'm not positive she would want him to actually get a job though...

Descriptions: You know my detail-rant. ;] It would help to get more physical descriptions of the characters and setting. And, of course, how things feel, sound, smell, etc. It will help bring things to life.

Emotions: I was a little unsure about Lucius's feelings in this chapter. I couldn't tell how he felt about Siobhan or his mother. It was a little disappointing not being able to follow how he was feeling, so I definitely encourage you to try to show that more clearly.

Plot: Well! I feel like this chapter was a little bit out of the flow of things, but I could still follow what was happening. It was interesting to learn about Lucius's past with Siobhan, and it was also interesting to see that his mother wants him to get a job. A little odd, there. Overall, good job!

Interactions: I thought the interaction between Siobhan and Lucius was really sweet. I was happy for him to have someone to talk to. His conversation with his mother was frustrating. I wonder how he'll handle her demands.

This was another well-written chapter. You're doing a good job. This one broke up the flow of the main plot a little, but not in a terribly awful way, if that makes sense. Either way, keep up the good work!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey :)

Okay, characterisation. I actually wanted Siobhan to be weird and wonderful at the same time. She turns the book character over, actually - she's superficial and not very intelligent, but I wanted to give Narcissa a worthy rival of sorts here. She's a Ravenclaw - a witty, clever girl who has much more insight than most people think. Adeline is the typical pureblood female, but her son, she feels, needs to establish himself so that he can get carted off. In their society, at his age, he should probably be married by now. She might not want him to get a job, but it depends on what her definition of 'a job' is.

I understand what you mean about the descriptions to help with the setting. I agree, it helps the reader to visualise. This chapter bothered me a lot with that particular aspect. Regarding his emotions, I am inclined to agree with that as well. I thought about re-writing this chapter because I wasn't entirely satisfied with it either. Yes, of course the premise still stands. I understand why you're disappointed.

Yay, at least you liked that interaction. I liked writing that as well, but I believe things went a bit down from there :(

I get what you mean, and I'll try to get it sorted out .

Thank you so much for your critique, and being so nice about it! Unfortunately this response isn't as long as your review was, or the response for the other review.


Lia


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Review #15, by DracoFerret11 Death and All of His Friends

5th August 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! :D You'd thought I had read this chapter already, but it turns out I hadn't. So...off we go to the review now!

Continuity: Well, I've never read "Sense and Sensibility" (I never seemed to be able to get through any of Austen's books, actually...), but I wanted to ask about something. I know this is AU, so Sirius's age and the order of the Black sisters (reversed from canon) were necessary changes, but was the squandering of the Black family fortune also part of the plot adjustments? I was just curious, honestly. It seemed so strange to me that their family crypt would be so decrepit, but I completely understand if that was for plot-reasons. :]

Characterization: Okay! So, mainly we have Lucius in this chapter. And I definitely want to applaud you on how you're writing him! I think you've woven a very realistic character. Out of curiosity, how old is he at the moment? I like that you're showing his struggles as he goes through everything and figures out how to handle it all. Well done!

Descriptions: I think I had a very poignant idea of how everything looked in this chapter. I liked your descriptions of the incense and how it affected Lucius. Good job! You really helped show his emotions about his father's death and the difficulty of what he's going through ws obvious. Well done.

Emotions: I liked Lucius's emotions, but it was harder to see Narcissa's. Perhaps she's hiding her feelings, but I think she would have lost a little bit of composure at her father's funeral, perhaps. Maybe not, though. Hmm...I can't decide.

Plot: Well! I liked the funeral scene. Before that with all the Blacks and Malfoys and tons of other characters (the scene where Sirius came in), I was quite confused. I didn't really understand what was happening as things got quite muddled. :/

Interactions: Hmmm, interesting scene with Bellatrix being the one to lose her cool. I liked her relationship with Narcissa. The interaction between Narcissa and Lucius was a little awkward, but not terrible.

Another well-written chapter! I'll read more soon! Keep up the good work. :]

--Emily

Author's Response: Hello again :) Oh, for some reason I thought I'd re-requested, but I scanned through and was very confused indeed. Anyway, here you are, and here's my response :)

I read the movie to this a few years ago, and when I got this book for the challenge, I re-watched it, then decided to pick up the book. Filmmakers tend to muddle details sometimes. The Dashwood family (my basis of the Blacks) had a dwindling family fortune . Mr. Dashwood should have inherited from his old uncle at whose home he lived, but when the old man died he left all his money for his . Mr. Dashwood's eldest child from his first marriage (that would be our Orion) got what was left, along with his mother's fortune which was left for him. With the remaining money, and the rest of the estate (house, grounds, etc) passed on to him when his father died, leaving the girls with next to nothing. If those assets are liquefied then the family would have more than enough. The Black family crypt looking the way it is described was used to emphasise the unfortunate situation the Black sisters and their mother have fallen into. This Black Family isn't necessarily the same one we know from canon. I've manipulated things too much for it to stay like that.

I'm hoping to switch perspectives every now and again to get a feel of different characters :) Lucius at the moment is twenty-three years old. Narcissa is nineteen, Andromeda is seventeen, and Bella as you would have read, is thirteen (but perhaps I might change that). I like to think that trying to come to terms with all that has happened to him - even if it has been five or six years. I'm thrilled that you like him so far, he's not the easiest character to work with.

You know, someone told me a while back that using senses to stimulate memories would be helpful, and I did it for this. In my personal experience, incense is very heavy, and I don't like the smell of it. Lucius doesn't either, for more reasons than I, especially having his father's funeral to be the first time he smelt it too. It's a good trigger.

It's a fair observation, to be honest. She might not have boded well since she loved her Papa so much, but from the character I'm basing her on, she does try to hide her feelings a lot. Even if she's hurting, she'll try to pull herself together to support the others. I did try to get into her head a bit, where all the swirling emotions are. We'll get to see more of that later :)

Oh. Hmm. I'll re-read it to see where you're coming from. I was trying to be subtle, but it seems that didn't work. Heh.

I'm trying to include her more, even if she's the youngest. She already is emotional and head-strong, so is Andromeda, but you haven't met her yet :P Awkward in a good way, or a bad way? I wouldn't expect them to be immediately drawn to each other. It was an awkward situation from the start, and a sensitive one.

I'm so sorry this is so late, but I had to gather my thoughts on this one. I hope this sheds some light on some things. I'm happy to explain anything else.

Thanks for reading!


Lia


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Review #16, by angel_speaks It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review ^_^
I'm so sorry that it took me this long to fill your request.

Grammar/ spelling: I spotted a few grammatical errors, but it's nothing that would raise any concern. So you're ok on this part. I just wanted you to be aware of this because what I've seen from other authors (including some of my earliest works), that those errors tend to accumulate and increase in numbers a the story progresses.

Characterization: I really like the take that you've taken on your characters! I'm a new fan of the Lucius/ Narcissa pair so I'm very excited to see how they turn out as well as your OC's. Your OC's seem very unique and very promising characters :D I can't wait to see how they develop as the story progresses.

Plot/ flow: I really like the plot that you have developing here. I'd really like to see what'll happen and how it would continue. As for the flow, i like how you used the break lines. However, just adding a little bit more of transitional sentences at the end of several sections would help. Other than that, there were no plot holes as of now.

Overall, I think that you did a good job with the first three chapters ^_^ I hope this helped!

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hey :)

Not a problem!

Okay. I have a beta now and she's reviewing the first chapter at the moment. I'll take a look at her comments whenever she's finished. My grammar isn't perfect, unfortunately, but thanks anyway for letting me know.

Oh really? I've been a fan for years. I think they are my OTP when it comes to this fandom, and they don't get a lot of respect either. I'm glad you liked the original characters. I had quite the time creating them, and thankfully they're not too unbearable - at least not yet.

Hmm, that's a decent tip, I'll go look more into that, thank you so much. I hope I can still as close to canon as possible, but this is AU after all. My use of break lines just came up one day, not quite sure how, but I continued using them not really thinking much about it.


You helped a great deal! Thank you so much for your time.


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Review #17, by SiriuslyPeeved Good Night, Good Luck

29th July 2012:
Hi, Lia! I've been looking forward to this story :) first of all I love how you have used the structure of Sense and Sensibility ( which is my favorite Austen novel) without sticking too close to the book. Giving the POV to Lucius rather than the analogue for Elinor was a smart change.

The description is just gorgeous as always in your writing. Malfoy Manor is luxurious and ever so slightly chilling. I giggled a little imagining the wild and crazy 60s parties at Malfoy Manor. (no wonder Lucius was so popular!)

Mechanical notes: I think that "he's proven" would be better as "he'd proven" for tense agreement. Other than that typo this chapter was extremely solid and well constructed. :)

I loved the ending, it's good to see Lucius's doubts about the Death Eaters' killing of Benjy Fenwick. You have really made a well rounded Lucius in this one chapter and I so look forward to seeing more of your literary transformation!

Author's Response: Mary!

I thought it would be a bit expected to write this from Elinor's (Narcissa's) perspective because those who read it would already know how things were going to turn out. With Lucius as my main character, I thought it might be better to explore his world for a change under the guise of Edward. There are so many things that happened that we don't know about. And since this is HPverse now, it would be fun to try to mix it up with the threat of the First Wizarding War.

Hee :) Thanks. Hahaha, I could picture them schmoozing, and being horribly inappropriate after someone spiked the punch. All the while, he'd be smirking away at their behaviour and taking evidence for blackmail.

Ooh, okay. I'll see to that typo. I got someone to beta this now, so more might pop up eventually.

That was a critical point in this chapter. This family is not as blind to the war than they would like others to believe. It is inevitable, I think.

Thank you so much for your review, Mary. :D

Lia



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Review #18, by daretodream It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

27th July 2012:
Hey!

Oh, you're making me feel for Lucius! Quite the accomplishment, I can assure you, because usually it is quite challenging to make me have Death Eater sympathies. Perhaps it is because your story, at least so far, doesn't have the darkness of the first wizarding war?

I really like your OC Siobhan. Plus I absolutely adore that name. It's gorgeous, and she is a really interesting character. A Ravenclaw and Lucius Malfoy...intriguing.

Again, the detail was really good in this chapter, just like the last. It was easy to picture everything that was going on.

And I think my favorite scene might have been the one at the very end. It is such a serious scene, and reflects a lot of the pressure that Lucius puts himself under!

Well done!

~Cassie

Author's Response: Yaaay! I have a habit of doing that to people :P I sympathise with some of them, but that's another story for another time ;) And no, the Malfoy family currently stand on the periphery of the war, the most they get are newspaper articles, and whispers of it from their friends at social events. Eventually everyone gets dragged in.

Siobhan is supposed to be a relative of one of the Ravenclaws in the books - Morag MacDougal. I tend to be Ravenclaw biased - or rather Slytherclaw :P. She's a quirky girl, but she's more observant than people give her credit for.

Oh yes indeed. It's his cross to bear, and it breaks the lull that the rest of his family is apparently under. Hopefully we'll see how the rest of this plays out.


Thank you again for these reviews!

Lia


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Review #19, by daretodream Death and All of His Friends

27th July 2012:
Hello!

Okay, so I am glad you have started more carefully weaving together the branches of the family tree. I think I have it straight in my head now, but I'm definitely glad this chapter clarified it a bit more.

I absolutely love how descriptive you are here. Every scene stood out, and I could easily envision what you wanted the reader to see in each one! Well done!

I think that Sense and Sensibility was a great choice for basing this story off of. It might just be me, but it a lot of ways, I always picture the old pureblooded families like the characters in an Austen novel. Maybe I'm crazy?

Good work!

~Cassie

Author's Response: Hi again :)

Yeah, it took me a while to get those characters done, but I'm still not finished. It has to make sense, so it will take some more time to figure things out. I'm happy you understand everything so far though :)

Description was a problem for me, but after all this time I find I've come to terms with it - using the 'not so much' yet 'not so little' approach.

Oh yes, I agree. It just seems to fit, you know? They're the ones who might have someone locked in the attic, or have someone die and be forced to take in the orphan kids. So no, you're not crazy at all!

Thanks again for reviewing :D

Lia


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Review #20, by daretodream Good Night, Good Luck

27th July 2012:
Hello!

I think that even just you mentioning that you have a difficult pairing for this challenge has me very intrigued...I want to see who Lucius winds up with!

I also think right off the bat I like your characters and the way you are portraying this pureblooded family. It's like you're giving a different but not unreasonable view of Lucius Malfoy and who he could have been. I like his siblings and all of your OC's so far. I'm intrigued to see how they will work into your story!

I can definitely see potential in this story! It should be really interesting to see where you go with this!

~Cassie

Author's Response: Hello Cassie!

When I said difficult pairing, I meant with the classic novel and main character I got to write about - those being 'Sense and Sensibility' and Lucius Malfoy.

Anything 'Austen-verse' can be compared to a pureblood family, which made things a bit easier for me, but not by much :P I actually enjoyed creating members of his family to fit the classic novel. Livia's a trip to write, that's for sure, but a the same time it creates an unseen dynamic about what possibly could have been.

Thanks for reviewing!

Lia


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Review #21, by Violet Gryfindor Good Night, Good Luck

27th July 2012:
It is a difficult pairing to work with, especially when you have to relate it to Sense and Sensibility, which is anything but an easy novel, but what you've done with this story is excellent. You've made me see the Malfoys in a new light, which is definitely refreshing, and I'm left at the end of this first chapter wanting to read and know more about these characters and the world that's crashing down around them. I'm especially interested in the way that you've kept Lucius from being connected to the Death Eaters at this point - it's a very plausible thing that he could have remained outside of Voldemort's reach. I'm also interested in how you'll bring him and Narcissa together. You've given a strong hint, and I can see where S&S will come into this, but I'm sure you'll put an interesting spin on that too. ;)

What's wonderful about doing an Austen-esque plot with pureblood wizarding characters is that they fit together so well. Upper-class wizarding society places a great emphasis on breeding and matching up the right people to carry on the line, and I'm sure that money is just as big a factor for them as blood purity. Then to work all of these things into the setting of the First War... it will make for an exciting story as the Malfoys become embroiled in the war and Lucius becomes attached to Narcissa. I hope I'm right to guess that he will play the equivalent of Edward Ferrars - he sounds like that character from S&S.

One thing that particularly stood out for me was the contrast between the two brothers' serious reactions to the newspaper - notably the death of Benjy Fenwick - and the two witches' conversation on the latest fashion. It revealed much about the three siblings, but it also, I think, revealed how some, like Livia, were able to push the war to the backburner - an out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. It's something I've seen in many classic novels, and it's usually those characters who come to grief in the end because they weren't aware of the world around them. Lucius and Felix, on the other hand, have probably already guessed that they will have to eventually choose a side, and that choice could mean life or death. Felix may be more frivolous, but I won't discount him for that (anyway, having anyone mention a magic carpet in a fanfic is a wonderful treat - hardly anyone does in the stories I read). This is only the first chapter, yet you've put forward so much material about the plot, the characters, the atmosphere. it's extraordinary.

I can't offer any critique as of yet, and I doubt that I will find anything to critique at all in the coming chapters. You've started off this story on a high note, and I'm definitely looking forward to reading more. :D

Author's Response: Hello!

For some reason whenever I think of Sense and Sensibility, you come to mind. Isn't that strange?

I lamented over this pairing at first because I wasn't quite sure what I could do. The most exposure I had of Sense and Sensibility was the 1996 movie. The book itself was on my 'to-read' list, so here we are. I have a very soft spot for this family, so in spite of my misgivings on the pairing, it would be fun to write something about one of my favourite families. With Lucius' early, and unexpected responsibilities, he hasn't gained enough exposure socially to make a name for himself, or to make other people pay attention. All he sees are bank letters, and letters from his attorneys. I wouldn't expect him to be in cahoots with the Death Eaters just yet. Most of my reviewers think he's quite the introvert, and you'll learn later that he's not too big on society gatherings either. How he is trapped in Voldemort's clutches will be interesting.

Oh yes, I agree. They fit together so well it's unreal. The Black family is a brilliant example of this, based on what we know of them - members blasted off the family tree for siding with 'lesser' members of the community, or marrying them. If you've already picked up on where I want to go with this (and I think you have), money is a huge factor in this too. I thought it would be better to write this from Lucius' point of view while I try to mirror Edward Ferrars (so yes, you're right!). Everyone always chooses Elinor, so it might have been too predictable. In this way, I get to create my own spin on what might have happened, while leaving Narcissa in the dark - if that makes sense.

I like that you've noticed that - believe me when I tell you that it wasn't intentional. They have lived in their bubble for such a long time the concept of war is somewhat foreign to them. Perhaps they feel it's not their place to be concerned about these things. If they are as old-fashioned as I've pegged them to be, they might probably let the men worry about it. Of course, they're not completely out of the loop, but the inevitable force that is the war might not be as strong as their denial of it. It reminds me of the comparison I make of the second wizarding war - with Fudge and the rest of the ministry in denial of Voldemort's return. Life was back to normal for them, and not to be disrupted by mere 'talk' of the resurrection of such a villain.

I've alluded to the fact that it wasn't the first time the brothers have noticed the crude newspaper headlines, but it only has to happen to people that they know for it to have taken effect. Of course, Felix has his distractions (the magic carpet is my version of a barouche), but as he is the more sociable of the two, he would have heard things. Lucius, on the other hand, is busy enough with his managerial position, but at the same time, he has lost old classmates in this as well. In the scene with his conversation with Felix, it shows this quite well. He's certainly gotten that sinking feeling that the war is slowly, but surely making its way into the formidable walls of Malfoy Manor.

I'm glad you enjoyed this so much! I really appreciate the discussion you brought to this review :)


Lia


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Review #22, by forsakenphoenix Death and All of His Friends

10th July 2012:
Okay, I'm back for the second chapter - sorry for the delay!

I think this was another excellent chapter. You revealed more about Lucius's character without even saying much, which I really enjoyed. It's obvious how much his father's death still affects him (and we got to see more of his relationship with his father, which was not very good, and the ridiculousness of Abraxas dying of dragon pox) and I think that Cygnus's funeral made him a bit uncomfortable because it reminded him a lot of his own father's death.

I loved meeting little Sirius and his look of disdain for his grandmother. Kid's got spunk. His excitement over hearing about Felix's flying carpet was too cute as well. I really liked how Lucius sort of understood Orion, having lost his father, and he really wanted to get him away from his overbearing mother and sister. It's so funny to see Orion and Livi in the same room since it's obvious how different they are. Orion is obviously upset and Livi is barely waiting for the ink to dry to wonder about Cygnus's will.

I know that this is AU and the family tree is manipulated and I'm fine with that, but I am a little bit confused. So, Orion is Cygnus's son, yes? But is Druella not his mother? Just the way that he referred to her and then Narcissa as her eldest made me wonder. A little clarification would be wonderful. :)

Also, yay, Lucius caught a glimpse of Narcissa. You can tell he's automatically drawn to her, that he feels a connection because both of them are just sad and I think he can relate to her with the passing of her father. It's sweet that she went out to chase Bella and it was really interesting to see Bellatrix as this young girl who runs away from her father's funeral. It's a different side that we see to her character and I kind of like it. It makes her more human. I really enjoyed how uncomfortable you made Lucius with Cissy and Bella's interactions. It's kind of awkward to be standing there watching something tender like that.

I think I told you in the first chapter but your descriptions are fantastic. I really loved the beginning describing the storm and then the details about the funeral, like the attendant with the smoking thurible - it just makes the scenes come to life.

So, yes, aside from a little bit of confusion about the family tree, I think you have a really interesting AU plot. I'm interested to see more of Lucius and Narcissa interacting, with Cissy having just lost her father and Lucius still bearing the weight of his grief. I hope that I was at least a little bit helpful with my reviews and feel free to rerequest when you update. Once school starts, it might take me even longer (I really have no excuse for why this took me as long as it did during summer vacation except Game of Thrones has consumed my life) but I would love to follow this and read more. :)

Author's Response: Hey hey, Missy. Not a problem.

Oh yes, indeed it wasn't. It unfortunately is one of the main sources of his angst. I never pictured Abraxas to be particularly lenient anyway. He seemed a bit old school to me - if you understand what I mean - he was overly strict. Not only did the event remind him of his father's death, but of the burden that it left, and their strained relationship.

Hee :) Ah Sirius. I'm trying to keep him as close to canon as possible, and I doubt that he would've appreciated someone like Adeline Malfoy. At the same time, he's still a little boy and as such he would like things like flying carpets and broomsticks - much to his Mama's displeasure. I'm glad you got that too. I felt it was something I didn't need to explain in great detail. He was mourning, and didn't really need to be reminded of all the things he had to do, or what his father's estate was worth. I'm trying to give Orion a bit more backbone than his counterpart (John Dashwood) had in the books. As I said in chapter one's review response, Livia is a piece of work - the eldest child for a long time - and a girl - she was most certainly spoiled. It's an interesting comparison to Lucius who was the first born male.

Okay. Following Sense and Sensibility - Mr. Dashwood was married twice. With his first wife he had one son, when she died, he remarried to the current widow Mrs. Dashwood where he had three girls. So in this story, Cygnus was married to a Yaxley - from this union Orion was born. After this lady died, Orion was remarried to Druella Rosier and from them we have the three Black sisters. Hope that explains it.

Yes! He feels that because they are pretty much in a similar situation that he understands her better than most. They are both placed in charge of their families now. I always thought Narcissa and Bella's relationship was strong. Unfortunately we weren't told much about her relationship with Andromeda. It was the reason why I picked Narcissa to be the eldest - in canon she's much more family oriented than Bellatrix. Bella perhaps had two loves in her life: her master and her baby sister. For writing that particular scene, I imagined how awkward I would be standing there - it is a private moment after all, especially when he hardly knows these people.

I tried to make it as realistic as possible - especially with the incense. It's a very strong smelling thing which helped a lot with Lucius' memory.

Hope I cleared up the confusion with the family tree for you. Hopefully you'll see chapter three soon, I'm working on it at the moment, but it will take a while because school for me never ends (unfortunately).

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long, and thoughtful review.

Lia


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Review #23, by forsakenphoenix Good Night, Good Luck

8th July 2012:
Okay, first off - I hope you're still not nervous about this story! I think you're off to a great start. I have never read Sense and Sensibility but I did just Wiki it to get a general sort of idea of the plot. So I can't promise I can be a whole lot of help in regards to the original novel, but I will try. Despite having no knowledge of the novel, though, I really enjoyed this first chapter (and I don't feel lost at all!)

I think this is a refreshing take on Lucius, by the way. I haven't read many fics about him but the ones that I have read usually portray him mostly cold and cruel. He's very likable here, though. He's almost withdrawn a bit, maybe more introverted than what I normally see, and it's obvious his father's death, the stress of dealing with the family estate, and the ongoing war have weighed heavily on his mind. He's also a bit old-fashioned (bowing his head to his mother and sister) but the fact that it's expected of him reveals a lot about how the Malfoy family is run.

His relationship with his family is also really well-done. It's easy to see how familiar they are with one another, the slight banter, and the way they pick up on things that most people might not - like the way his mother noticed him pausing at the head of the table. They're very aware of each other, I guess is what I'm trying to say, and I really like that that's how you've written the Malfoy family.

Livia seems like a snob, and I love that she's called a pariah behind her back. She seems so self-absorbed and lost in the frivolities of high-society that she doesn't even realize that people kind of view her as an outsider.

I also really enjoyed meeting Felix. Despite the fact that they are similar in appearances, you can tell from their interactions at the dinner table that Felix and Lucius really aren't all that alike. I love how Lucius is sort of the voice of reason and he worries about the finances and Felix uses his money to buy silly, material things. But then they both are obviously worried about the war and Felix whispering to his brother about it...I really liked how Lucius barely lifted his head during the conversation. Years of hiding just below the parents' radar it seems. But I really did like reading Felix and Lucius together. It's an interesting dynamic that I hope we see more of.

I like that you've based this during the first war. It obviously has a major impact on Lucius's character. Felix's comment about Benjy being in his year and Lucius's thoughts about knowing people that have died are really bringing the war to life. Sometimes I think it's hard to believe in a war when nameless people are dying and that people start taking things more seriously when people they know are the ones dying.

I think you have a strong first chapter here. Your descriptions really shine, especially in the beginning when you're describing the grounds and the rain. I could imagine everything as I was reading and I love that. You don't use flowery prose but your writing is still very effective. Very clean and precise, kind of like Lucius, I think. Your dialogue and narrative are both very strong as well. Everything flows really naturally, so I wouldn't worry about that.

I really enjoyed this and I can't wait to read the next chapter. I'm not sure if my general comments were of any help but hopefully you found them somewhat useful.

Author's Response: Hello! Sometimes I still am. It's well and good to start it, but continuing the same pace and flow might not be as easy, but thank you for the encouragement.

I'm trying to write who I thought Lucius might be before Voldemort poisoned his mind. I don't believe he was really all that cruel and cold, at least not with people he knows well anyway. Maybe I'm a bit in denial when it comes to him, and I believe he has some ounce of humanity in him. We'll see how fast things change - if they do at all. I agree, he is withdrawn though that wasn't intentional, and you're the second person to point out that he is introverted. At best he's very thoughtful, and it is exactly because of what you've stated that he's like that. His father's death is probably the most important factor in all of it, because there's much more to it than that.

Oh yes. I'm trying to keep some Austen aspects in here. It fits that they're purebloods of old money too because the behaviour fits them well. Lucius is one of those characters who likes to maintain a lot of the 'old ways', and his manners are one of them. His parents won't have it any other way.

His interactions with his siblings and his mother were some of my favourite scenes to write. His mother, despite what he might think, is much more perceptive than she appears. But she is a force, that's for sure. Livia doesn't seem like a snob. She IS a snob. That is exactly how I wanted her to come off. Like Fanny Dashwood, she's a very material person, and extremely proud. Felix is still young, and likes to make an impression. His relationship with his brother is important, and something I'd like to build on. They are closer in age than they are to their sister, which is something else to keep in mind. While they all are vastly different individuals, they are rather close, and as you said very aware of each other, even if they don√ʬĬôt act like it for the rest of the world to see.

I don't think I've ever written a story in this era, especially with war as a major theme. Some of the old ones were still around from the time Grindelwald was still around, but it holds startling contrasts to Voldemort's reign of terror. It makes much of a difference too because it's their classmates that are getting picked off by other people they might have been familiar with at Hogwarts. It makes a big difference when it's somehow related to them.

Why thank you. I'm glad you like them. I tend to prefer any scene that's dark, murky, or rainy. It has so much more effect, even if it is overused. I'm not one for flowery prose, it's just not me, and I'm learning how to become comfortable with my own style even if it's not as 'fancy' as everyone else's.


Thank you so much for the review! I love discussing my fics with readers!


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Review #24, by tangledconstellations Death and All of His Friends

30th June 2012:
Hello again, lovely! A million apologies for how awfully belated this review is. Whenever I actually plan to do something rather than reviewing on a whim I always get distracted or have other things to do, haha! However, here I am!

Paired with the previous chapter, I really enjoyed this one. Lucius is even more likable, and strangely so is his family, too. There's something about them not being portrayed to be evil and dark and menacing that actually makes them quite attractive with all sorts of dynamics. Family trees do confuse me, I must admit, so don't worry about moulding them to fit the AU/Austen aspect of this story. But that is completely okay anyway, because sometimes things to just work better if you wiggle them a little bit and actually do make them your own :)

I started to say a bit about Lucius, but then I got distracted, haha! Yes, he is a lot more likable in this chapter and actually when reading this I made a conscious effort to find areas to improve on, especially in regards to characterisation, and I just cant find any. We don't know everything about him yet, of course. I expect that perhaps by the end we won't either. He is an introverted character, but it was super to see him interact with other family members in this chapter again as well as the last one.

I feel as a though you're reaffirming a lot of what you have set up, which is always good. But, with plot development you are also really sweeping us away, which is fantastic. You've already dealt with a lot, and really effectively so. Having such a huge family in grieving would be quite difficult to portray but I think you've done it well. You have Bella upset, Livia searching for money, and also Lucius, to me feeling quite numb and strange as of yet. It is really interesting to have so many different motives and so many different branches in your fic.

Aha, and in this chapter - yay Lucius and Narcissa meet! I like that it's not love at first sight and all over the top romance-y. It makes it feel much more real. I also really like that you've let Lucius see the sisters at quite a vulnerable moment, because not only does it make us rethink our perception of the sisters but it also impresses this sort of connection between Lu' and Narcissa. (I can't believe I just shortened his name haha)

A lot of questions have popped up in this last chapter too, which will hopefully be addressed in the next chapters to come! Keep going with this, because I really feel as though you are doing a good job :) I love the dark atmosphere, the introversion of Lucius and just the fact that it's based on the families people in the HP fandom generally have feelings of dislike towards. This has so much potential too to really take me away and I am really very excited!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Whoa, Laura! You're probably the queen of long reviews!

That's the thing, before Voldemort's infiltration crippled the family, I like to believe they were relatively normal people, who still had their prejudices (let's face it ,everyone does.) They were simply a part of an upper class society who by convention were expected to carry themselves in a certain manner. Behind closed doors, things were different - I can safely assume this is how it is with everyone else, but more outstanding for them in particular.

Hahahaha, I hope that lasts throughout the novel :P I tried to make him relatable, at least. There's a whole lot more that's locked away in there that has yet to be revealed. It's a bit difficult writing a male character who is supposed to end up as formidable as he was in the earlier books. I find it interesting that you say he's 'introverted'. That seriously isn't a word I would associate with him, but at the same time, it makes sense. He doesn't actively seek out others unless it is necessary. He more likes to observe them instead. I love writing his interactions with his family, especially his mother. She may be good to him, but sometimes she tends to be a bit over the top. You'll see that later.

Oh yes, I have. I was concerned about it being too much, and overwhelming the readers. I wanted to include the Austen bits into the HP AU story, so that people would see the similarities in the characters. I picked out the important characters, namely Bellatrix and Narcissa. Though Andromeda has yet to show herself. Livia unfortunately is (a bit) shallow, heh. Lucius doesn't take very well to funerals, they remind him so much of his father's, and the consequences of that which he still suffers from even after 6 years.

Hahaha - Lu'. I can't believe it either :P I loved writing this scene. The foundation of it is that they are both in a similar situation - both of them were pushed into situations they were not ready for. If you remember, Elinor practically took the reigns when her father died. Now Narcissa is about to do the same. I honestly feel it suits her. Anyway, because they are in similar situations, they may be drawn to each other because no one else will understand.

Hopefully I'll answer all of them, if not you'll have to let me know. I wanted it to be gothic - like, because it fits the Austen mood. It's true, most people don't like the Death Eater families, but I tend to feel sorry for any antagonist, and want them to be redeemed.

Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry I took so long to respond!

Lia


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Review #25, by tangledconstellations Good Night, Good Luck

24th June 2012:
Hey lovely!

Well, you shouldn't be nervous about this fic at all, because this is a very strong, very convincing and very, very good first chapter :) I think it's great that so far I can hardly see it is based on Sense and Sensibility, so it shows that you've made it your own. Lucius isn't a character I've read much of, but the way you've drawn him here is really interesting, and he has a lot of scope to be developed and really guide this fic. I like that he's not downright nasty or proud; instead he's rather fresh, and I feel like we're seeing the more heartfelt side to him that JK would have properly included if she could.

I really like your general writing style in this first chapter, too. It isn't doused in imagery or any other fancy writing devises haha, but you still manage to make the reader feel a certain way. And the first line...pathetic fallacy alert! Very effective and very simple. The dialogue too is balanced rather perfectly with your narrative; I love the way they're intertwined, too. It makes me picture Lucius drifting off into his thoughts now and again. The dynamics of his relationship with his family are really great too. Like I said a moment ago, it is really nice and actually way more effective to have him normally, not proud or stuck up (well, maybe perhaps a little) but to just be a part of his family and their ways. Admittedly, you do tend to get the proud obnoxious immediate characterisations with the Blacks more so, but I guess the Malfoy's are similar, so it's nice that you've steered away from that :)

One of the things you wanted to be addressed was the plot. Although as of right now not much has been revealed, that's okay, because it is still only the first chapter. Sometimes it's better to let things settle first before you get down to the main plot idea. Saying that though, I really don't think you've neglected any direction in this chapter. Rather, you've set up the potential for the plot to really kick in and sweep us away. We know Lucius is feeling uneasy, and so we sympathise with him. Your last line, too, is such a brilliant way of getting us to read on! As far as first chapters go, I would say this is pretty good ;)

Okay. It's awesome. :)

Don't worry, or be nervous about this story as you've said in your author's note. Go with it, because so far you've got an excellent first chapter, with readers wanting to read more! Hopefully I can get to the second tonight - if not, I'll have it reviewed tomorrow or Tuesday :) Awesome stuff! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura!

I wonder if that's a good thing, that you can hardly tell what it's based on. Heh. The thing is, I wanted to make it different. I was paired with Lucius Malfoy as a main character, and often adaptations of S&S are based on Elinor's point-of-view, who should be Narcissa. We never get the guy's side of things, so I wanted to see how well I'd do with writing Lucius. It's definitely a challenge because I rarely write from the male's perspective, and when I do it's an angst filled one-shot which has nothing to do with romance (most of the time). This is the second time I'm writing Lucius though, but not in the capacity I've just described. I don't see him as a particularly villainous character just yet. He's still young, and hasn't been influenced by the wrong sort. He's trying to figure out where he stands after being forced into a position he wasn't at all ready for.

Description and imagery are things I don't rely on heavily, and as a preference, I usually can't sit through stories with too much. At the same time, it has to fit, you know? It has to make sense considering the context of the story it is in. I can have a bit too much dialogue in, but it doesn't show up here (thankfully). I enjoyed writing his interactions with his family. Even if they were born with silver spoons in their mouths, they are still people. An interesting thing about this chapter is that it breaks down the barriers, and allows the audience to see these aristocrats in their own environment. It's different when they are out in public, they have 'positions' to uphold.

Yeah, I did set up some themes for the readers to follow. I wondered if they were too many. Lucius definitely is worried. Even after those 5 - 6 years, he's still concerned about how well he's managing his family's estate. That continues to build more, as the story progresses, you get to see why he thinks that way.

Yaay! I'm so glad you liked this! I'm eager to here what you think about chapter two!

Have a great week!
Lia


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