Whoa! This is one hell of a fan fiction that you have written! It's completely dramatic, awesome and unpredictable. I like the Dark Mistress and how she is perfect in every aspect (well, evil aspect). I really want to know who she is, are you going to reveal that soon?
Lots of Love
R.W

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I want to know more about the Dark Mistress. I think she is an interesting character and she really caught my attention, but everything around her is like in fog. I can't describe it - maybe I just need more information about her, her feelings and her believes, because now it is a little bit hard for me to picture her in my head...
I don't know if that can help you,but try to listen to music. It may sound a little bit stupid, but it helps me a lot when I have trouble with writing...
However, this story is really wonderful and unique and I am just in love with it!!!
Can't wait for the next chapter! :)

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RowlingsGirls_22,

I am a little confused to what Angrihay does. You used the word Torchering but I am not sure if you mean torturing or torching. Hopefully you can clear that up.

I really not sure what you were trying to tell us in this line. "I still can't believe what have to become for the school year, Mistress, it disgusts me"

I think a beta would so a world or good I think your story is interesting.
Meg

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RowlingsGirls_22,

I like that you show her smarts and cunningness in the first part of the chapter. How is itthat no one knows her identity? The Carrows would know unless she killed them. Just a thought. I am glad you told us about her past I was wondering who her mother was, but I should have guess that only Bellatrix could conceive such an evil child. I hope you explain the Golden Mark in chapters to come.

Meg

Author's Response: Ah yes...this chapter is quite confusing. It is supposed to serve as a hook. It has incomplete facts so that it has you asking for more. Her full history is coming up but I wont say when.

-DracosCookie

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RowlingsGirls_22,

Interesting concept but it could use a little editing here and there.

This line needs an extra word "I much more potential!" he begged." I sure your fingers were just typing too fast, I do it all the time but it is little things like these that need attention and would make the readability of your chapter so much smoother.

You have really shown the evilness of the Dark Mistress in this chapter. Good Job!

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: Hahah, yes I need to work on my editing. I am doing the entire story on my ipod so sometimes it is quite difficult, but yes I will take a look back a fix everything soon.

-DracosCookie

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It was so good as always I saw a few spelling errors nothing to worry too much about your doing awesome and thanks for the reference cant wait for chappie 6. -Teri

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You should go into more specific detail on the dark mistress because I seem to have a hard time picturing her or was that how you wanted it to be? You can also try to give the readers clues as to who the dark mistress is. What helps me when I have writers block is to just breath and relax try to forget about it for an hour or two and then get back to it but this time picture yourself as that character. I really look forward to the next chapter and I hoped I helped! Good luck! :D

Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, I find it kinda hard to discribe the Dark Mistress because I can see her so clearly in my head and Teri can just have me discribe her verbally. Thank you for pointing that out and yes it is a little harder because Dark Mistress is a mystery- I don't even know who it is yet ;)

P.S. I was very happy when you gave me my first real critism.

-DracosCookie

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I love this story so far! Keep up the great work! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope I can come close to meeting everyone's standards.

-DracosCookie

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Awsome start to your book i dont know why but i really wish the dark mistress is hermione, anyway please update soon cant wait to find out what happens next.

Author's Response: Hm...I do too.
Honestly, I don't even know who it is...

@

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I was really excited that you wrote a new chapter and a fantastic one at that.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm having a writer's block at the moment so the next chapter will be awhile.
-DracosCookie

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1st off you spelled your own name wrong second i am kinda confused but im sure you'll explain next week at school see you soon

Author's Response: Yo! I did that on purpose

-DracosCookie

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wow and of coarse i kno who the dark mistress is so im confused. - teri the other rowlings girl

Author's Response: Way to go. nice Teri, nice...

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Beautiful as always and scary - Teri
(no i am not reviewing my own this story is the other rowlings girl)

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Wow.I am really loving this story! Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you sooo much, ou review means a lot.
-DracosCookie

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Outragious!!! This was spectacular! Please continue writing!

Author's Response: Hahah thanks! It's nice to know that there's people reading my story.
-DracosCookie

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Lovely lovely once again but when is differences aside coming out i do like the sounds of that Avery character along with NEVILLE HAS A YOUNGER SISTER? cant wait to meet oreana!and of coarse i always had a theory hermione had a Beautiful sister so im glad you finally introduced Trista!

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i love it! please, please, please update soon! i can't wait to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks so much
-DracosCookie

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its good but write more and hurry i give it and 8 no nothing over 9.8 theres always room for improvment which is why i shooting for a ten cause im worth it

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I love it. Please update soon!! Can i put a 20/10?

Author's Response: Hahah Thank you! That is a rating I WISH was on here! There are so many good stories that deserve to have that rating, but with you saying that is a true honour.

-DracosCookie

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Ohh update soon please! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Wow... You are my first reveiwer, and you are one of my favourite authers on this site... I am speechless... thank you... >^_^>@ here's a cookie.

-DracosCookie

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