Reading Reviews for The Curse-Breaker Who Loved Me
  
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by academica In Which Bill and Fleur Make a Decision—Separately

6th July 2013:
Hi Char! I haven't come to visit you in a long while but I thought I'd pop back over and see if this story had been updated. Seems I've fallen a bit behind!

I love the undertones of scheming in this chapter. Bill is putting on airs of having found the perfect woman when really he's met a girl who could allow him to keep his life almost as it is now. Fleur, on the other hand, is smiling at her sister and plotting to keep an eye of scrutiny on her groom to be, just in case he does anything fishy. It provides a great contrast to the whole tea-and-biscuits atmosphere and Molly's girlified house.

Anyway, this was a great chapter. The flow was really good; I know because I was surprised when it was over! I'll have to pop back over sometime and check out chapter four, and hopefully the next!

Amanda :)

Author's Response: Amanda! You doll you, leaving me a surprise review! You know, as I get older over here (cough cough) these get lesser and lesser. But a friend leaving a review: YAY!

Anyway, I'm glad that you're enjoying my fluff-muff story over here. I'm slightly stuck so hopefully I catch up again!

I'd popped over onto YOUR Author's Page and Holy Mackerel!! You've written so many one-shots AND continued on your WIPs in the time I've been diddlying with my graphics program. I bow to your continued prolificness. *obsequious bowing*


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Review #2, by AlexFan In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

10th May 2013:
I'm here for the Review Battle!

I can relate to Will, I love my younger brother, I do but I hate that every time I go out with my mom and him I'm always left looking after him even though she doesn't say anything.

I've told myself again and again to stop being the babysitter whenever we go out but I just can't seem to help myself.

Unlike Bill, however, my brother usually gets blamed for everything that happens instead of me so that's one thing that's different with us.

I absolutely loved reading this and this line "But when he died, she wouldn’t need to miss him, she would have plenty of other children to love." broke my heart.

I just felt so sad for Bill and if it was possible, I would've given him a giant bear hug. That line just made me really sad (but oddly enough it was probably my favourite line because I'm sure that a lot of kids with siblings must sometimes feel this way).

Author's Response: LOL, I'm so glad you could get along with Bill's little POV! It was fun thinking like a little boy (never having been one :P ) but I do remember being a little kid so I'm happy to hear it was relatable.

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Review #3, by bester_jester In Which an Accident and Feelings Occur

8th May 2013:
Ooh please update this story, it 's brilliant!

I love that they're in a different era, and that Fleur seems to forget her propriety around Bill.

You're a very talented writer!

Author's Response: Heh, I don't quite mean to write it as if it's in a different era but I can't help it so you're going to have to forgive any continuity errors :P

Thank you so much for being so nice


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Review #4, by krapfm In Which an Accident and Feelings Occur

6th February 2013:
ah I missed this story. Thanks for the longer chapter. :)

Author's Response: :) You're sweet. I'm glad you're liking it

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Review #5, by Jchrissy In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

4th February 2013:
Hi darling! I'm trying to take this Valentine's review-a-thon as a chance to read authors I have yet to! So here i am!

I have to say that your summary grabbed me immediately. The writing in it was crisp and very easy to sink into, in only that small bit. Of course you could have had help, I've had that happen before where I am impressed with the summary and not so much with the story. But! I was pleasantly surprised that your writing on the inside was every bit as delicious as that first bit.

THANK YOU. You wrote this first one from a child's perspective, and you it sound like a child told it. You didn't use weird spelling or thing like that, you altered the sentence instructor to fit a young boy. You altered the emotions to fit a young boy. Not an adult. A lot of people (that I've read, at least) can't do that convincingly and I was just so impressed with your ability to bring me into young Bill's head that I'm already really excited to continue this.

The idea is a bit morbid, but in a dry humor kind of what. If that makes sense. When a child hears something it isn't nonsense, it's real.

And then he acts like such a sweet man when he decides not to tell his mother. He should have of course, but he's a Weasley and they protect what's there. He's protecting his mother.

I'm absolutely going to follow this, thank you for sharing ♥

Jami

Author's Response: Thank you dear!

Yay! I've captured the mind of a little boy! Mwahahaha! *ahem*

No seriously, it was really nice of you to take the time to review and I'm glad you liked this first part. :)


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Review #6, by Elleinad In Which an Accident and Feelings Occur

4th February 2013:
OMG! Were you talking about me? I'm assuming you are and you would probably laugh at my derpy face right now. Love it! This is a really goods story! I totally love it! If this story was a pie, I would eat it all at once and then sit at the table for a while hoping for more! Keeping going! Love you lots!

Author's Response: Yes I was madam! Thank you for being so interested in this story. You make me keep going.

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Review #7, by Elleinad In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

30th November 2012:
OHMAFERINGAWD! Am I ever going to get the end of this story from you? I absolutly love it and I've already reviewed chapter 3. It's been months since you updated! I'm reviewing here to make sure you havn't forgotten me or this story! It's been like 5 months and I getting frustrated and impatiet! I get it if you have writings block but you've left me hanging here char!
~left longing for more

Author's Response: You're so funny :)

You've actually got me started writing again!! Hopefully I'll have this next chapter up in the next few days :)

You are awesome btw. You've gotten me to start again. Love ya!


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Review #8, by Elleinad In Which Bill and Fleur Make a Decision—Separately

15th July 2012:
I find this particular story riviting even if there isn't too much action. Please write more soon.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you are liking this. It's my little pet project. I'm slowly getting my writing skillz back so don't fear!

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Review #9, by justonemorefic In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

6th July 2012:
Ooh I saw you have a new story, so I wanted to take a look. Love the Weasley boys 8D

Baww, Bill. Bill and Charlie together would be an utter hurricane. And Bill wasn't even trying to be one. Poor Bill, he has to face ~responsibility~ and he doesn't even get to eat his brownie sundae D: what kind of deal is that?

Eep, Belinda! How creepy, hah, but I love her. She is such a apple-waving witch, like from the fairy tales. I like how you wrote her dialogue, and especially her prophecy. I kind of found it hilarious, just how I imagined it in my head (which is good, I think? xD): She again smiled toothily at the young boy who had gone white as a sheet at her pronouncement. “Now off you go, hup hup,” her voice in its normal rasp. I can totally see Bill just going wut. wut just happened.

BAWW BILL. But when he died, she wouldn’t need to miss him, she would have plenty of other children to love. YOU ARE SUCH A DEAR CHILD.

I'd love to hear more about what's going in his head, feel a bit more panic, maybe 8D Great start to a new story ^__^

Author's Response: Hi Gina!

Thanks for stopping by!! I know RESPONSIBILITY has got a lot of syllables for a youngun' :) and to face that without the bolstering effects of a brownie sundae :P

I'm so glad that you liked Belinda!! She was fun to write about and Bill was totally over his head in what had just happened. You're description of his reaction made me laugh.

Thanks for this!


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Review #10, by long_live_luna_bellatrix In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

2nd July 2012:
Hello! This was a good start to a story, for sure. The first line was quite an opener, with all the drama, and yet I figured out soon enough that it might not be set in stone as I met the young narrator. I like the idea a lot, this big question mark that will huddle over Bill as he grows up, leaving him to wonder if she was a batty old witch or if he encountered a legitimate Seer. You set it up nicely, giving her the creepiness factor as well as the sort of prophecy that we saw from Trelawney in the HP books: vague but sudden.

For the most part you told the story of a six-year-old well. Adjusting to his point of view, you did a good job with keeping things as he'd see them, from the unfairness of being an older brother to the naive memory of his father coming home drunk. At one point you used the word "relegated," which sounded a bit odd coming from such a young mouth, but otherwise it really worked.

The only thing I can think of to work on here are the details. You gave the expected description of Charlie's irritating habits and the expected description of a witch. I would've liked to see what Diagon Alley looked like through Bill's eyes, or some details that were as original as your idea.

It spoke loads about Bill's character that he wanted to protect his mother even from such a young age. I think that sort of chivalry can be expected from a young boy, even when he can't put it into words, and I can certainly see it coming from Bill Weasley. You can tell he'll be a good man, growing up.

So, overall, well done here. It was an enjoyable first chapter, and from your summary, it sounds like things will continue to be interesting.

Author's Response: This first chapter was one of my favorites to write. It was written in one sitting and posted because I was so enthusiastic so I definitely could stand to go back over it and edit as necessary :) I do want to work out the details but I also don't want to make this overly long - it's meant to balance out the heaviness of my other WIP.

I'm so glad that you like little Bill!! I kind of wish I could just write the whole story about him :) Maybe I can do flashbacks :P


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Review #11, by Moonyxluna In Which Bill and Fleur Make a Decision—Separately

28th June 2012:
Hi! Here with your requested review :)

I really liked this chapter because I think it got the plotline going. Answering your first question, yes, the story is progressing very well. It holds my interest (which I will talk more below about) and I like the pace you are taking things at. Also, the newspaper article beginnings are a very neat touch!

I still am really interested in this story, and where you plan on taking it. I think the changes you are making all compliment eachother so nicely in making this your own tale that it keeps me hooked in. I said above that this was the start of the plot for me, so I am curious (although I have a few suspicions) how you will take the story from Bill wanting to marry Gabrielle, and vice versa, to making this a Bill and Fleur story. I don't think they are overbearing and I definitely am enjoying reading this.

I hope my praise answered your third question :) If not, then yes, you make sense! By now the reader should (hopefully!) understand the changes and just sit to enjoy this.

I loved that, through everything Molly felt the same to me. She was still this heartwarming loving mother and I like that you kept that the same. In the little bit of Fleur I really liked the 'big sister' role she took at her sisters 'marriage' announcement.

As always, I have to end with a please re-request! I'd love to see where this is going next. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: I'm glad that the story seems to be progressing. I'm trying to keep this short so am getting in details without putting too much in there.

I'm glad that the characters aren't overbearing. I've still got to keep them somewhat recognizable with canon while also blending it in with this other series of books that's inspired this!

Molly was fun to write and there will be lots of her in the coming story :) I'm glad that you liked this so far! Hopefully the block of writers lets go of me soon so I can write!

xChar


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Review #12, by hedwigs_theme In Which Bill and Fleur Make a Decision—Separately

24th June 2012:
Another really enjoyable chapter!

I am still a bit confused in how the weasleys became so rich but I guess in a story with no Voldemort, anything can happen

Good luck writing more chapters for this story, I can't wait to read them!

8/10

Author's Response: It's AU. I'll try to explain more in further chapters. Thank you for reviewing :)

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Review #13, by hedwigs_theme In Which There is a Ball

24th June 2012:
Hi I'm here from the review thread.

I really like where your going with this, so please keep adding chapters!

I like your characterisation of Fleur and her family although I was missing her French accent. I also like the posh was she speaks especially: "two-and-twenty".

Also, how did you come up with the idea to make the Weasley's rich? It's an interesting idea but it felt strange when they were talking all posh, it just doesn't suit them.

Overall, this was a great chapter and I can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!

I can't write the French accent and it would be terrible. I am sparing you. I did slip in a bit of posh accent in there because this story is somehow going to straddle modern wizard times with 19th century Victorian era :P I didn't realize until Chapter 3 that I'd set myself up that way!

The Weasleys being rich are described in the last chapter. They take the place of the Bridgertons as in the Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn (the other book that this story is based on). It's an AU, let's say :P


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Review #14, by BoOkWoRm24 In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

18th June 2012:
Hi here for the review battle.

So I thought that this was an interesting beggining to a story. From the very first line you had me hooked, saying out right that Bill was going to die.

Your characterization was excellent. Everything Bill did directly reflected the maturity of little kid. Things you put in there like how Bill was infuriated by Charlie going after his ice cream painted his character really well.

Also I liked the character you made out of Babbling Balida. She seemed very much like the stereotypical witch that you might associate with Halloween except she didn't have green skin.

Grammar, and spelling were both good. The one thing that bugged me was the wording of this sentence:

"Her face was almost all wrinkles, so old was she"

I know that putting the she after the was is used as a literary device sometimes, and technically there is nothing wrong with it, but it came off as kind of awkward to me.

Anywho great first chapter

-Liz

Author's Response: I can see why that line would be awkward. Thanks so much for everything else!

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Review #15, by hedwigs_theme In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

17th June 2012:
This is a great start to a story! I really like the plot so far, it seems new and different to other stories that I have read. I have no criticism because it was just so good!

I have to commend you on the first sentence: "William Arthur Weasley found out at the age of six that he was going to die before he was thirty." It is crucial for a story to have a good and effective first sentence, to really suck the readers in, and this sentence really sucked me in :)


10/10!

Author's Response: First lines of stories are my favorite to write. Thank you for reviewing

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Review #16, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap In Which Bill and Fleur Make a Decision—Separately

16th June 2012:
Fleur is such a nosy-body. It's really a mystery how she and Molly didn't get along at first, well it's not really a mystery, but Molly is a nosy-body too.

"You know. She was giving you the Piercing Stare."

^ I liked this line because it just reminds me of my mother and the looks she always gives me and my sister. We always make fun of her and give them a name and then do them to tick her off. Too funny so I liked that because it showed an element of 'family' if you know what I mean, how close the Weasley's are.

I thought the reason that he decided to get married made sense because of the past chapters. I just kind of wish his brother would have been a bit more questioning about it because it's out of the blue for his character to want to marry.

There were two sentences that needed to be edited but I'm in a bit of a rush so I can't point them out. Sorry! :D I can't wait for Fleur to start to like 'Mr. Weasley,' I'm in a really fluffy mood for some reason.

Author's Response: Just so you know, this story is not very strong on spelling and grammar :P I just get attacked by the urge to write this and once I'm done writing the chapter, I'm done. I don't want to revisit it. It's a bit strange, honestly.

I'm glad the family feel is coming through. I'm planning on further stories with the Weasleys in this universe so hopefully MY Weasleys grow on you.

I guess you could say the reason Charlie didn't question him so much is because this story is straddling a Victiorain-style story while also being set in modern Harry Potter era to a degree.

I'm glad you're liking where this is going. :)


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Review #17, by CambAngst In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

27th May 2012:
Tagging you from the Review Tag thread!

Poor little Bill. I think you captured the existential angst of only children the world over who are suddenly thrust into the role of "responsible" older sibling. It simply isn't fun. One day you're king/queen of the world and the next you're the help.

Babbling Belinda sounded ghastly. You did a terrific job of capturing the unappealing presence of the woman. And the analogy to Arthur coming home drunk was very clever.

And then Bill receives the prophecy. It's clearly not a cut-and-dried "you're going to die" pronouncement, but it's easy to see how it would seem that way to a 4-year-old. I like the poetic bent you put on it.

As far as constructive criticism, maybe you could have given us just a bit more of what was going through Bill's mind as the pondered the prophecy. At the same time, it sounded like he was in shock. So perhaps there will be more of that to come.

I did see one, small typo:

-- "Shed brought her face an inch apart from his so he could almost see his reflection in her eyes." - She'd

Overall, this was nicely done. It flowed smoothly and the characterization felt right for a young child. It definitely makes me want to read more.

Author's Response: Hey, sorry it's taken so long for me to respond. I'm glad that you liked my Bill and I appreciate the pointing out of the typos! Frankly, out of the three that I've written so far for this story, little Bill's chapter has been the funnest :P

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Review #18, by magnolia_magic In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

27th May 2012:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your requested review!

I think you've got a great first chapter here! It definitely sparks my interest, and I think any reader would be curious to see where this goes.

I love the way you portray little Bill and his feelings about Charlie getting all the attention. That resonates with so many people (I can definitely relate!), and I think that's a big part of what makes this chapter so appealing. Everyone has issues with their siblings at one point or another, and you've done an awesome job of capturing that typical childhood resentment. And Bill is just so adorable! I found myself having many an "aww" moment as I read this :)

Another thing I love is the way the narrative fits Bill's age. Your word choice makes it clear that the story is told from a child's perspective. For example: "He made a promise to himself that he would always brush his teeth from this point on." That strikes me as something that would come to a child's mind in that situation, and I love that. It really drew me in and made me see the events unfolding from a kid's perspective.

I thought the flow was good overall, but I did feel like the very beginning could be a little smoother. I really enjoyed the suspense you set up with the first sentence, but I would have liked to see a little more of a transition between that sentence and the beginning of the plot. The jump just seems a little abrupt to me there. But that's a really nit-picky thing, so I wouldn't be too concerned about it :)

I love your vivid description, especially of the ice cream incident and of Babbling Belinda. You do a great job of bringing those scenes to life through the details you give.

I really enjoyed this! I think you've got an awesome start to the story, and it seems like a really creative idea. I've never read the series this is based on, but this chapter makes me think I should check it out! Thanks for requesting, and feel free to re-request whenever you want :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this and SO SO sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this!

I'm glad that it sparks your interest! To be honest, I'm rather proud of how my little Bill turned out! Though I'm a little surprised at how easy it was for me to get into the little guy's head considering I'm a girl and about 20 years older than him! :)

I can see what you mean on the transition of the first sentence but I mean it to be abrupt :P I can take a look at it though! Thank you!


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Review #19, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap In Which There is a Ball

22nd May 2012:
She watched as her little sister, Gabrielle, danced in her white dress under the floating chandeliers of the Weasley ballroom. Gabi laughed at something her dance partner, one Mr. Dean Thomas, had said to her as he passed her by.

^ I love high society talk and mention of balls and all these other things that I would have never wanted to do if I was born many moons ago. I like this part because I could see them dancing from Fleur's eyes. The way you describe Gabi is beautiful, not just her features but her characteristics, the way she moves, her fluidity.

She was already two-and-twenty and thereby an old maid by anyone's standards

^ I just find it funny to say 'old maid.' My grandmother was around the same age, just a tad bit older when she got married but apparently no one thought it would happen because they considered her an old maid.

Eleven children later I think she made up for lost time. Haha! It's interesting if we think about what it's like today. You seem fifty year old women dating men that are in their twenties or women that are almost fifty having children. Society has changed. I wonder what an old maid would be considered today.

I'm surprised you even know which Mr. Weasley we're talking about, you bluestocking!

^ The insults always make me grin because they're just horrid. I knew it was something bad so I gasped at the screen but then I had to ask myself 'what does that even mean?' Haha.

This is a great story so far. Much lighter than your other one. I can tell you're having fun with it because it reads so easy.

Author's Response: I was concerned with the descriptions being not enough so for you to say those nice things about it, especially Gabi. I love writing her.

I agree on the "old maid" thing! There is a fifty year old I know who just had a baby and boy I was worried about her! Definitely a different standard in the current culture.

I am definitely having fun with this one. It's a good change. :)

Char


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Review #20, by WeasleyTwins In Which There is a Ball

21st May 2012:
Hello Charlotte! I'm here to review!

I haven't read the other series that you mentioned, but this reminds me of Pride & Prejudice. Granted, I've never read the book (-gasp-), but only seen the 2005 version of the movie. Anyway, I thought this chapter was absolutely delightful. I honestly don't think that you should be concerned with it being too Victorian. It obviously has that air and you've used certain descriptions and a diction that exudes Victorian, but I think it works wonderfully. You do an excellent job keeping the story in a realm that most readers are still going to enjoy, if you understand my meaning. The Victorian nature of the piece isn't overwhelming.

The flow of the piece is excellent. Your prose is lovely and makes it a smooth, easy read. As for your characterizations, I think you've done a fabulous job. As I was reading, I was on the lookout for anything that might have been lacking or needed fleshing out, but honest to goodness, this chapter was brilliant. Your descriptions, character interactions, and internal dialogue are excellent. I found it all completely delightful and such a joy to read and review.

I enjoyed some of the subtle humor that you inserted. "Her mother hushed her with a small flap of her hands." - I literally thought I was going to die laughing. I can actually see myself doing that (which I really do all the time). That simple bit of description I found incredibly funny and something that can really connect readers to the piece and give it a sense of reality. The first section that had a excerpt from The Prophet had me rolling. It was just so Victorian and fantastic and old-fashioned. I find these kinds of things funny, you see - I'm an unusual sort.

Your characterization of Fleur is brilliant. Like, BRILLIANT. I love her demeanor, her observations, her hesitant to be self-confident. Overall, Char, after this chapter, I think you have a real winner here on your hands. Keep it up, my dear! Wonderful.

10/10
Shelby

Author's Response: LOL, I won't judge if you haven't read Pride and Prejudice, but I'd definitely jump at the opportunity. Though the 2005 movie WAS fun to watch (Matthew MacFadyen mainly *sigh*). I did want to give it a Victorian air but not overwhelm it and so you saying it isn't overwhelming is awesome :)

I'm glad that the flow and pacing was excellent. My worry over the characterizations has been soothed to a degree (because the challenge is going to be KEEPING it good).

I LOVED the image of a mother flapping her hands at her daughter and it's SO something someone like the Apolline in my mind would do so I had to put it in there. I'm so happy that you caught it! I'm also glad you liked the newspaper clipping!

I'm glad you like my Fleur!! I made her different from the Fleur we know and for her to still be someone you like I'm more happy than you know! Thank you so much for this!

xChar


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Review #21, by Moonyxluna In Which There is a Ball

21st May 2012:
Hi! Here with your requested review :) First off I want to apologize this took me longer than normal; work has been quite insane the past week. Secondly, this is my 400th review! So yay milestones :p

Anyway, let's talk about your story!

So Bill's a bit of a celebrity, getting a part in a newspaper article about him! All the Weasleys, it looks like. Though, I think you should take another look at it phrasing wise- the first sentence felt awkward from the length, and the 'to be sure' in the middle. By no means was it un-readable, but maybe move around the words a little and see if something sounds clearer :)

I loved Fleur being bored at the ball, and how you had her watching Gabrielle. It was a creative way to put a distinction in each of their characters and show how different they are. And of course, bringing in Gabrielle's charm against Dean was sweet.

I'm interested in some of the liberties/sub-plots you will be taking in this. Having Fleur's father dead and the Weasley's being wealthy is defiantly something different so it will be an interesting change to see how that helps or hurts in bringing Bill and Fleur together. Plus you had mentioned there would be no Voldemort, so I'll have to wait and see if Harry and/or the Potters make any sort of appearance in the scheme of things..

I should tell you, I was a bit wary when I started reading because of the whole 'ball' idea, but you've done such a fantastic job of making it your own original moment that I hardly could come back and talk through it as I wanted to keep reading. Having Fleur relate to Hermione about the gossiping girls, the dances with 'Charles and William'-- every moment was so beautifully placed making such a beautiful read.

A few unnecessary commas (maybe two, and now that I go back I can't find them), if you do an edit take another look at those unnatural pauses. But other than that I didn't notice anything punctuation/grammar wise. I wish I could be more helpful, but I really like the direction you’re going with this so sorry this is more praise than help! You're doing a great job with it. And of course, re-request when you get the next chapter all posted! :)

Author's Response: Yay! Happy 400th review!

I do see how that sentence is pretty long and will work on it. I was trying to make the language a bit dated so maybe that's what you're running into in that? I'll look again too. I'll also make more note of my commas and such (I do love them).

I have definitely taken liberties with the HP world as I'm bringing the HP world and molding it with a Victorian-era story.

I was so happy to read that you felt that this was original and that you liked the different things that I inserted into the overall story!

Thank you so much for this review!

Char


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Review #22, by slytherinchica08 In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

20th May 2012:
This was a very interesting beginning! I've never read the Bridgerton series so I really have no idea whats going on in this story but so far, I think its written absolutely wonderful! I'm excited to see how all the different characters come into play in this story and just how he feels that Gabriella is the one he is supposed to be with since she is so young but I guess only reading on will tell. I liked the characterizations in this story with Bill getting blamed for the spilled icecream as it seems the older kids are always getting blamed for something their younger sibling had done and even his angry reaction to getting blamed and wanting to run away. I think you did a great job with the beginning chapter to your story, it really is interesting and makes a reader what is going to happen and if Bill really is going to die by age thirty! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~
Recensio 2012

Author's Response: I'm glad that you're thinking the beginning is interesting! It's a bit of a different concept for me to try to write fanfiction for basically TWO series of books :)

Yes, the older child does get blamed often for the younger's actions :)

xChar


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Review #23, by academica In Which There is a Ball

20th May 2012:
Hello Char! I'm here with your requested review :)

I thought this chapter was very interesting, and certainly a change of pace from the last one. From the very beginning, the imagery set the scene and drew me in, making me want to get dressed up and dance along with everyone else! If your goal is to write "purely romantic fluff", I think you have certainly accomplished it, particularly in those few lines. The whole chapter did have a sort of Pride and Prejudice-like feel to it for me, and I'm not sure if that was your intention or not. It's a lovely story, but I think it's also a little bit overdone, so I would focus your effort in the next few chapters on bringing out details that will make this unique and very much your own if you do intend to make this story reminiscent of that one.

I liked the little introduction here with the newspaper clipping, but it did confuse me a little bit. Maybe I just don't remember or didn't get this sense from the previous chapter, but it was a surprise to me for you to characterize the Weasleys as being a rich family. If I missed or forgot something, that's on me, but otherwise, I would consider adding something to bridge the canon portrayal of the Weasleys and this version, especially if keeping in canon is a goal for you. Along the same lines, I was surprised to find Fleur being portrayed as a poor, only moderately attractive girl. Don't get me wrong, I love it when authors shake up the traditional, but I would just consider adding those bridges or including something in the author's note about this being a slight deviation from canon. I haven't read the other series you referenced in the last chapter, so maybe the changes have something to do with that, and perhaps that's the source of my confusion.

The flow here seemed to go much better for me, and I loved how you inserted familiar characters like Hermione and Pansy in there. I hope to continue to see familiar faces as you progress on through the story. Overall, I think this is very nice, and I hope you're having as much fun writing it as I am reading it :)

Nice work! I hope this review is helpful to you!

-Amanda
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Definitely going for pure romantic fluff. The Pride and Prejudice feel is probably from the fact that the other book that this was inspired from ("other" meaning not Harry Potter :P ) is a Victorian-era book series (romance novels) by Julia Quinn. I'm not sure exactly what you meant by by: "bringing out details that will make this unique and very much your own if you do intend to make this story reminiscent of that one" but will focus on getting the details out at least :)

The story is canon in the sense that the characters have the same name and sort of same personalities and the eventual people that they end up with. I've taken the liberty to fit the Weasley family into the mold of the Bridgertons which is the family that Julia Quinn writes of who are wealthy and prolific.

Fleur only thinks she's moderately attractive. I took care not to say that she was ugly just that she was different from her sister, the accepted norm of "Veela". I'll try to draw that out more. I will also try to do more bridging in the next chapter so that THIS Weasley family stays familiar but also resembles the story I am trying to portray.

Thanks for the comment on flow and I'm glad you're liking the familiar faces. There will definitely be more where that came from!

And yes, Amanda, this was helpful! :)

xChar


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Review #24, by WeasleyTwins In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

18th May 2012:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review - don't you just love review swaps!

First off, I want to say that I adore your summary! I am really drawn to excellent, intriguing, attention-grabbing summaries! Summaries really are the way that writers first capture their readers.

Okay, I'm going to go all fangirl on you here for a moment. OH MY HOLY WATERMELONS! I just love little Bill! He is so cute and adorable and cute! Your characterization of him is brilliant - it's canon, it's quirky, it's different, but not bizarre. I also really enjoyed how, instead of jumping into the story that one would expect from your summary, you give us this chapter. It's lighthearted, but it's mysterious and intriguing. I like how this is something that Bill remembers from his childhood. His views of Charlie and Molly are also incredibly adorable. You do a fantastic job as writer by combining description and dialogue. There is a nice mixture and it flows quite well. There's something relaxing about your style of writing. You don't bombard the readers with purple prose or stilted dialogue.

I'm sorry that was just one long ramble - I'm usually much more organized! Anyway, this was an excellent read and I will certainly be back! :)

Shelby

Author's Response: I'm so happy you like my summary! That's always the hardest part for me to think up and so for you to say that it actually pulled you in...*smiles*

Yay! Bill is loved! I loved writing him because he's so cute as a little guy (and more than a little cute when he grows up *eyebrow waggle*). I'm glad that there was a good mixture between the two as that is what I was going for! I have a tendency to neglect dialogue. :/

Thank you for this!

xChar


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Review #25, by AC_rules In Which Bill Meets Babbling Belinda

18th May 2012:
Hey there! This was such an interesting story, seriously. Like, your writing style is always ready to easy and engaging but I think it must be quite awhile since I've started reading in of your WIPS and you definitely have me intrigued here. I like the whole fortune teller thing a lot (it's like the whole prophecy thing but not) and although I'm thoroughly depressed that Mrs Weasley is going to lose two of hers ons (WAH) I'm most definitely very very intrigued about this story.

Plus, reading Enchante has gotten me really interested in the Bill/Fleur pairing and, well, I'm just really excited about reading more of this - which means it was a really good first chapter and what not. Thanks for such a lovely story! Can't wait to come back and read some more at some point :)

-AC

Author's Response: Thanks! :) I'm glad that you think it's interesting and that you're being pulled in on this :) Yay!

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