I started reading this awesome creation about yours about a week ago and I've to say this - "It is minblowing, amazing & Fantastic!"
Keep up with the Good work and please please please don't stop after 4-5 chapters... Pleaseee
I tried reading many fanfic but none are as good
All The bestAuthor's Response: Oh my gosh, this comment has absolutely made my day! Thank you so much for taking the time to review ♥!
Don't worry! After 4 or 5 chapters it's only the end of this book. Then the second one, Into the Darkness, starts! That one will show their lives post graduation, through the Order, into parenthood and all of that :D!
I'm so excited you're enjoying this, and thank you again for taking the time to tell me so ♥!
Jami Report Review
I always enjoy Siriusí POVs because they always surprise me in the variation in his thoughts. I always imagined him to be the most volatile in moods out of all the Marauders so it was nice to see it her. The thoughts he had about Belle were really sweet because we havenít seen much of them recently due to all the Alrek drama so I liked reading it here :í)
I think the sweetest thing was when he was thinking about finding Lily. Iíve noticed that Sirius doesnít often open up to his emotions so seeing him do it was really lovely and it made me aw about how much he cared about her. It also highlighted what the attack was like from an observerís perspective which was really interesting.
His thoughts about how he and all his friends all fit together and serve a purpose were really great too. It is true though, youíve given them all really unique characters and they merge together to form this group of people who love one another so much. It was seen in Siriusí thoughts and it made me all fuzzy again!
Haha this line cracked me up ĎďWhat did I tell you,Ē the woman said, her Scottish accent thick. ďYou invite one or two of them, and theyíre all sure to follow.Ēí It was so like McGonagall with her disguised humour, accent and secret love for them all.
It was interesting seeing the aftermath of the attack from their perspective, because we of course know what happened to Alrek but seeing it from their eyes created a nice change. The swearing from Sirius there was a great input. For teenage boys theyíve been quite well-spoken but the inclusion of it in this chapter worked really well as it showed their anger about being ignored and their view not being taken seriously enough.
One nice touch was the line from Alice thinking what they did to Alrek as being barbaric. I agreed to when it happened because though he was an incredibly evil Death Eater who tried to kill Lily, he was still a boy at the same time and it saddened me to see that someone so young could be so evil. Out of all of them, I would thought Alice would be the most likely to feel like that and it was nice to see it proved correct.
You showed Lilyís maturity really well in this chapter too, Jami. I think it was the remark about her not wanting him just to be gone and I almost picked up on this sense of emptiness from him being gone in her life which was quite odd, but fitting at the same time because at one point they were friends. I feel so bad for her because her life isnít going great at the moment, but thatís the problem with reading Marauders stories as their lives always seem to be going downhill :P
That conversation with Remus ♥ I donít think Iíve ever read a story where someone has such a deep discussion with Remus about his lycanthropy so it was a wonderful surprise to see it here. I thought his reaction to being bitten was wonderful because he always had this sense of understanding and never self-pitied, well in my mind he did, so it was really great to see that he had almost accepted what Greyback had done and that he wasnít going to continue to fight it.
I spotted this line ĎThe article in the daily prophetí I tend to see the Daily Prophet capitalised as opposed to it being lowercase so I thought I should point it out :)
Aha I had seen Danís Twitter updates about his road trip but I didnít connect with the fact that there would be no chapter. Oh well, everyone needs a break :P Only five chapters away though, that is scary and exciting because I canít wait to see them as adults! Another great chapter, Jami :D
-KianaAuthor's Response: Kiana! ♥
Not having much Belle Sirius feels lately was exactly what I was thinking about when doing it from his PoV. I swear, sometimes having such a big group can be such a pain. Especially when I want them all to be heavily involved.
I'm so excited that you liked his Lily thoughts. In my head, he and Lily have a special sort of friendship. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that they both care so much about James, and Lily becomes more of the family Sirius never really had. And they all should have gotten to grow old together and wahhh now I'm getting all feelsy!
Hehe aww yay I'm happy you liked that line! Sometimes she can be so much fun to write other times it feels like pulling teeth!
I'm sure I've vented to you with how much I don't like Remus just out and telling her. I wanted her to realize it first like she did back in the hospital wing, him to know that she knows, and then have a real reason to finally talk about it with one another. I think that they can both really connect over the fact that they were targeted for no reason, and neither got to see justice. Sure, Alrek is dead, but Lily will never know if even tiny bit of him regretted what he tried doing to her. And both of them are just such good people, that I think feeling how they do about Alrek and Greyback is hard. Wow, sorry about that ramble. Haha.
Ahh it should be capitalized, thank you!!
I CAN'T WAIT to write them as adults. Kiana I'm just SO excited for book two! I want to hug you just because!
Thank you so much for leaving me another absolutely amazing review. You turned my grumpy mood into such a happy one with this ♥ Report Review
Love this story so much so far! The Lily, Remus moment was just perfect. I love their friendship! There needs to be more Remus!!! Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: There definitely needs to be more Remus! We'll see a lot more of him in book two :D!
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're enjoying this, and thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review! It really put such a huge smile on my face!
The next chapter will be up in about a week and a half. Usually I do Saturday updates, but my beta reader is out of town so I've decided to push it back to the following Saturday :).
Thank you again for this awesome review ♥ Report Review
Holy cow, I forgot that it was Saturday, and now it is technically Sunday. I am so sorry that I didn't review straight away, but that is because I didn't read it when you first posted it. I have been going through emotional stress, and I have been sad recently. (I got in a fight with a "friend" and we are no longer friends.) So this chapter brought a smile to my face. Thank you, Jamie for giving me something to do today that is Harry Potter related. All I have done today was watch Iron Man 3, and drool over the original Pokemon episodes. So thank you for everything, and I can't wait for the next chapter. o3oAuthor's Response: Hi Morgan!! I'm keeping my eyes open around the forums to see if you end up making an account ;)!!
Oh gosh don't be sorry at all! I'm just happy to see you here! I'm so sorry you've been dealing with some not so awesome stuff. Fake friends are the worse, but I hope things are getting a bit better! And I'm really happy that I was able to make you smile with this chapter ♥
Thank YOU for always being such an awesome person and leaving your lovely reviews ♥ I hope everything with your friends works out okay!
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I loved how you included a moment with Remus. There aren't too much of those. :) also I loved in the beginning how you made it Sirius's thoughts. Can't wait to see what's up next! :)Author's Response: Hi my dear!! I'm so happy you liked the Remus moment! It made me feel a bit fuzzy myself ♥
Aww yay! I wondered if I made the wrong choice with doing the first section from Sirius PoV, but knowing you liked it makes me feel a lot better about it!
Thank you so much for another awesome review ♥ Report Review
It did feel a little blah, but that would happen after something THAT traumatic. I'm glad she feels a little better after talking to Remus.
I'm not really sure about Sirius analyzing that much in his head though.. That part seemed a little too long, not that he wouldn't do it at all, but maybe a little less. Plus, why would Dumbledore and McGonagall make them wait that long anyway? Just a thought.
I really like that you had James try and act normal and give Lily the freedom to go on her own. She wouldn't get better if she felt sheltered all the time.
Great job, this seemed like this was harder for you to write, but you did very well considering how tricky you've been making the plot!Author's Response: Hi there! Yeah, I think I felt like anything after the last one would be a bit slow. And now that we're down to five chapters, things are going to start building back up so I did want to give everyone a bit of a break :)!
Haha, I totally got carried away with Sirius. I don't think they were waiting for more than two or three minutes, but being in Sirius's head while he did his little analyzing probably made it feel longer. He's so cute when he's thoughtful though; I didn't want to pull myself away :P!
I'm so happy you liked how James acted with Lily! I don't doubt that he cares a ton about her and wants her safe, but they both enter the order together. So I don't think he'd be overbearingly protective or he probably would have shipped her to Australia when she got pregnant with Harry!
This one was definitely a bit more challenging, with trying to pull in everything from the last. I'm so happy you still liked it! It's one of the last slow ones so I'll be excited to see how you like the sped up pace from here on out, too! Thank you so much for stopping by, m'dear! ♥
Jami Report Review
Good chapter! I've been really enjoying the story so far! I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Yay! I'm really happy you liked this chapter. The next one will be up Saturday :)!!
♥ Jami Report Review
Really enjoying this story! I'm hooked!Author's Response: Aww that's such an awesome compliment! Thank you so much for reviewing ♥
Jami Report Review
I've really been enjoying reading this! Keep it up!Author's Response: I'm so happy you're liking this! Thank you for reviewing ♥
Jami Report Review
Chapter 19 - I'm glad you pointed out that it was the first years' first time riding in the carriages back to the train. I've never thought about that before. Dumbledore and Minerva's conversation about whether they should warn Lily and James about the danger of going to the wedding reminded me a lot of Dumbledore not wanting to warn Harry about the prophecy until it was too late and someone had died because of it. I'm really hoping Dumbledore has made the right decision this time around with not warning them.
It's still hard to understand how Petunia can be so rude to everyone, even her best friend! It's very clear she's jealous of Lily still, even when it's just of her personality and ability to be kind to others.
Typos: But as far as Lily knew, her sister never spoken with Matti again
now she as able to look back and realize that she really hadn't done anything wrong.
answered, thought the end of his was drowned out by a loud whistle
Chapter 20 - The Bellatrix scenes are always creepy because of how warped her mind is. She wants to have control yet control is exactly what she loses when she's torturing someone into oblivion. At that point I think it's the thrill of the pain she is causing that controls her mind and actions. The back story you've given Peter is really interesting because it explains a lot about his personality and the position he was in when he started to turn on his friends. I like how you've taken time to develop Peter as a character instead of just ignore him.
One typo: to prevent them from waking rest of the house.
Chapter 21 - Poor Lily. I can's imagine how hard it was for her to tell Petunia she couldn't bring their parents back from the dead. I really hope they're able to reconcile their relationship a bit now that the loss isn't as fresh in their minds. I love how easy it is for Sirius and Belle to be together because they already understand all of the silly customs and pleasantries they must abide by to be taken seriously. Sirius's story about learning to speak his mind and share his opinion was really sweet. I think Belle has already learned that by being around her friends, but she doesn't know how to speak her opinion around her parents.
Typos: Their check-in had been uneventful thanks to Mrs Potter (period needed after Mrs)
He knew that not matter what
that he hand plenty of food right in front of his face
I loved this line, "With a name like Vernon, James wasnít expecting much." Ha, that is so true and I can certainly imagine James saying that. Wow, I hate Vernon so much. It's funny how he's so pompous about himself when everyone else can see he isn't anyone impressive. Thankfully Sirius's patronus stepped in and stopped James from getting too angry and blowing Vernon up or something like that. I'm so proud of Belle for standing up to her evil mother. I definitely wasn't expecting the kiss at the end! I wonder if Sirius and Belle joining Lily and James at the hotel will stop whatever attack Voldemort was planning. I hope so!
AlliAuthor's Response: I'm so saddd. I just had this entire review responded to, then I hit back space but was clicked out of the box so it took me back a page and BOO.
Okay. Redo. I think Dumbledore makes some seriously interesting choices in the HP series. There are so many things he could have told Harry to make it just a bit easier instead of hoping all this crazy chance of stuff panned out. I mean, as much as I love the twinkly old man, it seems like he left an awful lot up to chance.
I think Petunia is one of those people that was never made to understand life. I always imagined that, after Lily left, their parents felt terrible for Petunia being left out and made things too easy for her. I don't think she was ever really made to understand the consequences for her attitude and actions, their parents not wanting to further alienate her by constantly getting her in trouble, so she just sort of learned to throw these little bratty fits and act like a spoiled brat.
I'm so happy you like Bellatrix! And that she's still creeping you out. Sometimes I get worried that her scenes feel repetitive.
Ahhh yay I've been excited for you to read this scene! In my head, this is when Petunia stops being jealous of magic and starts hating it. It can't do the one thing she wants, and she refuses to take the time to understand why that is. Poor thing :(
Ahhh hahaha now I'm imagining James blowing up Vernon Aunt Marjorie style! Like father like son, maybe? :P
Thank you so much for the typos and for another awesome reviews ♥ I'm so excited that you're still enjoying this, my lovely Alli!!!
♥ Report Review
Too much suspense in this chapter! I was really worried about Lily, though I knew she wasn't going to die right now. She acted really brave though. The Gryffindor in her shows up often like that.
James's reaction to the closed door and everything was perfect. Alrek, Lily, James, Violet were totally in character in short.
P.S.- No one calls me Ash as the nickname doesn't go well with the Indian pronounciation of my name. The letter "A" is pronounced like A in "a banana". But you can call me that, of course. =]Author's Response: Hi lovely ♥
I'm so excited that you saw Lily's Gryffindor come out in this chapter! And that you felt like all the characters were, well, in character :D. I liked giving Violet more of a human side in this one :P.
Do you have any nicknames/shortened versions of yours? I don't have any with mine... it's kind of hard to shorten Jami :P.
Thank you again for another awesome review ♥ Report Review
Chapter 16 - I love that William is so perceptive and doesn't want to reveal too much around Alrek. I guess nothing can beat an auror's intuition, even a retired one. Also, Alrek has to know that Lily's parents are dead. What a jerk he is for bringing them up!
Wow James. PDA much? :P Poor Lily is so confused at the current state of her relationship with James, but at least Alice is there to sort her out. I think they need to just go ahead and make it official already so they can both be on the same page. Lily really needs to be more careful around Alrek! I can't believe she's giving him information that her and James will be alone at the wedding! Jami, you just set me up for a quidditch game and then didn't show it! I'm disappointed. :P
Typos: "the idea of not having him around is frighting" and "so thick that it it seemed to be suffocating her breath by breath" and "and even that may be to soon"
I wasn't expecting Bella's reward to be given the opportunity to punish another follower, but it definitely makes sense once you think about it. The only way Voldemort can insure his followers are loyal solely to him is to turn the rest of his followers against each other. At least we know whatever Alrek and Bella are planning will be mostly unsuccessful since he won't be able to kill them off at this point. I don't foresee them defying Voldemort and then him just letting them go freely immediately after that. Maybe they make it through the wedding safely after all?
Chapter 17 - Sirius clearly doesn't understand girls if he thinks running off immediately after talking to Belle is a good idea. She's probably off crying her eyes out and thinking Sirius hates her now and is angry at her. I love the relationship that James and Sirius have. The moment where James tells Sirius he wanted to be found because he was stomping around was so heartwarming. I also like how you showed Sirius reacting to Belle's secret, especially his uncontrollable anger. Unfortunately it's one of his biggest faults and probably what gets him in the most trouble.
I really enjoyed the confrontation between the Slytherins and Lily. Abigail fake crying when trying to make up an excuse for herself was so funny! I'm glad Minerva and Dumbledore were on the Gryffindor's side and didn't feel the need to act impartial as they maybe should have. I saw just one typo, "Lily had thought a lot throughout the day about the talk she had with her friends before the match stated."
Chapter 18 - So Lily has finally let herself realize what she already knew about Remus's furry little problem. I'm glad she didn't push the subject too far, but she let Remus know she would be there for him no matter what. Sirius being there to support Belle as she confronts her family shows how close they have become since the short time they've known each other. I'm really excited to see her parents and family get what's coming to them. Maybe Sirius will give them pig tails or something? :D I spotted one typo: "shouldn't have been amusing, but is was."
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli! I wanted Alrek's mention to feel like that. Just a super jerky move. We know there's no way he doesn't think they're dead, and he's just a meany for bringing it up. *points finger and lectures bad DE*
I WILL show you a Quidditch game by the end, I pinky promise! They're SOOO hard to write. All the moving and people and sports words and ugh.
But yes, I totally agree that Lily should have been more careful about what she said in front of Alrek.
Hahah I like what you said about Sirius clearly not understanding girls. Most of their species doesn't :P. I always want to keep the fact that he isn't great with his temper well known, because it is such a big part of his. But I'm so excited you like the friendship moment with him and James in this ♥ those are always so much fun for me.
You know, there are so many people I think that could use a pig tail cursed to their bottoms. Maye we should get to work on learning how. think how much more interesting our days could be!
Thank you for another awesome review, Alli ♥ I'm so lucky to have you still sticking with me and making your way through the ridiculous amount of chapters ♥ Report Review
I finally have time to come and review this! *celebrates* I'm so far behind! :'( With my job, working out, cooking half the time on my days off and looking for a house...it makes it quite difficult to just sit down and relax while reading your favorite fanfics. However! I haven't forgotten about you, Jami!
Alright, let's get reviewing! :D
Argh! I knew Alrek was up to something! I just thought that he wanted to be with Lily or mess with James but man, this goes beyond what I expected! He's a very tricky person so I'm afraid of them actually pulling off the whole 'kidnapping James' deal. However, I really like the concept of Voldemort getting James as the poster boy for his campaign. It would make sense as to why he really wanted James. A handsome looking guy, with charisma and brilliant personality...of course people will follow him.
You just totally killed me with Belle's story! I mean, gah! I have no words for it! It was something I should've expected but at the same time it hit me like a bucket of cold water. You're making me afraid for poor Belle's future here. I mean...what's going to be her end? I have a feeling that she's not going to have a happy ending and I'm sort of upset about that, ma'am! I mean she might get together with Sirius in the end, but then he goes to jail and Lily and James die and Harry's sent away. GAH! Don't do this to me, Jami! :( :( :(
This was a great chapter, as always! I wish my review were longer but right now I'm sticking with short reviews, that way I can hit Dan's Detox next before taking the plunge to HPo4.
Until next time, Jami! :)
--RosieAuthor's Response: ROSIE! I know what you mean, RL can be such a pain. I've been so behind review, too. I've been gymming MWF evenings after work nstead of mornings, and I didn't realize how much time I really was losing. But still, waking up at 6 instead of 5 is so nice. And I'm so happy you haven't forgotten about me! *cuddles Rosie* hehe
I think that's the oddest part about introducing an OC into a Marauders story, cause people don't know where she'll end up! I mean, we all know what's going to happen to the group by the end. But Belle's future is still very much unknown *rubs hands together evil-like.* I'm so happy her story felt emotional to you. That's definitely what I wanted!
And Alrek! Mwahaha is all I have to say ;).
Aww Rosie it's been so awesome replying to one of your reviews again. You're so sweet to come buy even with your crazy schedule, and I hope it slows down soon so I can have more HPo4 ♥ Report Review
Hi, Jami! Such a mixed bag, this chapter. Awesome, but you did so many mean things to my Lily! Where did you get the idea to do such awful stuff? :p
Alrek was amazingly sinister in this chapter. Up to this point, he's always either been undercover or overshadowed by another character like Bellatrix, so it was neat to see him finally have a scene where he was the undisputed boss bad guy. He's also apparently mostly cracked. It isn't enough for him to just inflict an agonizing death on Lily, he wants her to be terrified. He wants her to see the end coming and beg for it. He's like a little mini-Bellatrix in this chapter, only without the highly purified sense of purpose. Or the results, for that matter.
I'll admit it: I spent pretty much the entire chapter being disappointed that James didn't turn Vile into a toad. Because she deserved it. Oh, how she deserved it!
"I don't even understand what you see in her!" Violet shouted, letting go of her quill, causing it to tumble to the ground. "She's a know-it-all. She never does anything fun, and she's as flat as a bloody-" This. This right here. Perfect Vile. She's catty and shallow and clueless.
I love Lily's spirit in this chapter. There were so many times where it would have been completely understandable if she'd just given up. She's taking so much abuse and she's under so much mental duress. There's absolutely no doubt that he means to kill her. None. But no matter what, she keeps fighting. She's so determined to make it out alive. That's my girl!
He wanted to make it slow. Drawn out. That knowledge brought Lily a small sense of relief. -- Not many people would react this way, and it shows Lily's mindset here. Avoiding pain isn't her primary concern. Surivial is. And she's as worried about James as she is about herself. Even facing her own death, she wants to know whether Alrek's done something to him.
You did an awesome job of writing Lily when her brain slips into all-out survival mode. The way that she uses everything at her disposal to fight him off, throwing elbows and kicking and scratching... that was perfect for the circumstances. She puts pride and propriety aside and does whatever she has to in order to live.
James balled his fists, wishing more than anything Violet was a goddamn bloke so he could sock her. -- I think I speak for the vast majority of your readers when I say that we wouldn't have thought any less of him if he'd set chivalry aside for a moment and rearranged her face. That said, you did a good job in this scene of keeping James true to his character. There are certain lines that he simply won't cross, no matter how upset he is. And oh, is he upset. There were a few instances where he took little pauses, especially the one right before he starts blasting away at the door, that seemed a little odd at first blush. But then it dawned on me how hard he was working just to hold himself together. I think a lot of things became crystal clear for him in that little classroom.
The scene in Lily's room was just brutal. I loved the way that you pushed the limits with this scene. As much as Dumbledore and McGonagall have tried to shield their students from the terrible reality, the fact is that they're in the middle of a war. A war being fought against terrible people whose fanaticism doesn't even allow them to accept the existence of someone like Lily and whose methods are nothing short of barbaric. Some of that reality had to make it into this story eventually, and you handled it beautifully. You let Alrek be the animal that he truly is, but you didn't glorify anything he was doing. Your descriptions were tight, functional and spartan. The focus was on Lily and her ability to fight back and survive. The glory was all hers. I know you were really worried about this scene, but to me it was an incredible moment for Lily. This is a person who has the guts to defy the Dark Lord himself.
No, said a small voice in the back of her mind. No. You can't give up yet or you're as good as letting him kill you. -- Exactly! This line really cemented everything she was fighting for.
The array of dark curses you came up with for Alrek was truly impressive. For a long time, I've been wondering exactly why Voldemort chose him for this assignment, and it's really apparent in this chapter. He's obviously very talented in a terrible sort of way.
"Yeah, well... couldn't do much else when he's already passed out," Sirius mumbled and she heard Dumbledore make some sort of tutting, amused response. -- THANK YOU, SIRIUS! As always, the incomparable Mr. Black delivers.
Everything about the scene when Lily wakes up was warm and happy and wonderful. James's sentiments were heart-melting. It's a shame that it really did take this much to get the two of them to admit what they were feeling for one another, but such is life when you're dealing with very stubborn people who seem a bit clueless about love.
"... I swear, loving you this much is going to kill me someday," he said with a quiet laugh. -- You stop that, Jami! You stop that right now!
Lastly, we come to Alrek's demise. It was oddly less satisfying than I was expecting. Maybe I was hoping that James or Lily would be the one to finish him off. Or maybe I was hoping he'd have some really ironic last words, instead of his pathetic last attempt to avoid death. Whatever the reason, his death mostly served as another ghastly lesson for Regulus and Snape. When you associate with animals, it's jungle law. You did a great job with Voldemort's dialog. He sounded perfectly in character. I liked the introduction of Snape into the inner circle. And I really like the way that you're very gradually sowing disenchantment into Regulus.
Once again, I'm out of characters. This chapter had been building for a long time, and I thought it was a huge step for the intensity of the story. The stuff just got real. Great job!Author's Response: Poor Lily just wasn't going to get off easy in this chapter, was she? :(
In my head I think he's a combination of Bellatrix and Rodolphus. He's brutal and doesn't think things through, but he also has that same need to revenge that our little Bella does. I'm a tiny bit sad we're done with hi, actually... haha.
I know I know, you poor thing :P. Vile is staying a human. for now :P. I'm so happy you picked that line out. It felt like something just meant to be in Mean Girls, haha. Catty things, we are.
I really wanted to mix up her need to survive with the fact that she was absolutely exhausted. I mean she went through too much to just keep it up at full force, but like you said she's still determined to make it out alive. Even if she forgets that a few times. I sort of just want to huggle her... haha
Hahaha I was surprised when you didn't pose a formal request for me to change James's moral code in this and give Violet one good pop :P. But like you said, he has lines he won't cross and that's one of them. I'm so happy that after the initial 'huh' those little times of pause made more sense. I can't imagine who felt more helpless. James being trapped and unable to get to her, or Lily with a crazed murder going after her. Maybe I put the group through too much?
I was so worried about it! But I ended up so much happier with the result for really pushing it further, or more specifically having you to push me to push it further :P.
They have to grow up sometime though. my babies ;(. And Lily really faced something huge for with just having herself to rely on. See, don't you want to hug her?! I really am so excited with how this whole chapter came out and can't thank you enough for forcing me to get it here ♥
Hahahah Sirius has your back. I actually struggled so long with where I wanted to go. When did I want Sirius to come in? For a while I decided to have him come in during and restrain Alrek until James gets there. That would have made a damn good scene and insanely satisfying. But in the end I wanted this to be Lily's. Sure, Sirius did end up coming in, but Lily was already ready to live no matter what. She didn't need to be rescued. That was the hardest decision for me in this chapter I think, as as much as I would have loved to watch what James and Sirius could do to Alrek, lily deserved it more.
Yes, exactly. I love what you said about associating with Animals. No one is safe here. Not even the most inside of Voldemort's circle, and Regulus obviously knew that the moment he write the note for the locket.
Ugh Dan I can't even say thank you enough for getting me to push this chapter as far as I could and getting it where it needed. I think everything finally felt right when I added that last wake up Lily scene. We needed that. We could use a million more of those, actually ;).
THANK YOU LOVELY DANIEL. Report Review
I think I would have switched this last scene with the one where Lily was waking up... I got all teary and it was very sweet and makes me want to read more. And I will, but since I'm reading this before bed I'll have to go back and read it again to get this scene out of my head :P It was very well done, I'd just switch it around.
I thought you did a brilliant job with Lily. She was awesome.
Violet was sooo stupid!!!
I love how James handled how flustered Lily gets, at least he understands, and is patient with her.
And they finally said it!! Yay!
Good job!Author's Response: Hi there :)! That's so funny, I actually attempted that. But I couldn't figure out how to make it work so the reader knew where Alrek was and to make it line up chronologically. I still make tweak it if it keeps poking at me... thank you for pointing it out! And I'm so happy you still liked the scenes regardless!
They finally said it!! I'm so happy you noticed it was their first time!!!
Thank you so much for this awesome review, and if I do decide to tweak the scenes I'll definitely credit you for pushing me to do so!
Jami Report Review
Wow - I think this has to be my favourite chapter so far, Jami. There's just so much in it and I'm so impressed that in five chapters you've already managed to create such a complex and intriguing plot!
So, the first part...I can definitely understand why I've heard so many brilliant things about your Bellatrix! I've been so excited to see her in this story and I know there will be a lot more of her (or I hope) to read. She's just perfect (in a horrible, crazy way). Your characterisation of her is spot on from canon, the way she wants nothing more than to please Voldemort and do his bidding - is even willing to suffer the Cruciatus Curse for her mistakes - it's just fantastic! I know I should be able to put this more articulately, but I'm struggling...even the way you capitalise 'Him' and 'He' to illustrate the reverence she treats him with, worshipping him like a God. I love it!
Voldemort's speech is great as well - he talks in this exactly as he does in the books. That seems like something so hard to get right and you've written it so well.
And you managed to fool me with the last chapter! (Maybe it was just me being dense...) For some reason I didn't think about it being James they wanted to convert, but from what we know from canon, of how Voldemort tried to convert them, it makes perfect sense. I didn't entirely trust Alrek in the last chapter, but now I don't at all, since I harbour strong suspicions that he's the new Death Eater - although Lily and James don't know that!
It's lovely seeing a sweeter, softer side to Sirius, because not many stories show that. But when he asks about Peter, with genuine care, it's great to see - also because with that we learn more about Peter's background, and you're adding some real depth to his character. Also the friendship between Sirius and Lily is adorable! I love seeing Lily being friends with all the Marauders, and not just James or Remus. I'm so curious about the secret those two are hiding from James - I hope we find out about it soon!
The part when he found out about Regulus becoming a Death Eater was so sad! I felt really bad about him, but when he says that James is his brother it was so sweet! And very true as well!
James is maturing too, like when he tells Sirius not to follow Lily to see what she's doing with Alrek. He's also realised the problems that Lily faces in beginning a relationship with him, and it's good that he can now acknowledge that (of course, there was never going to be any question of him sticking around, was there?).
Haha I love Lily in this chapter! Pretending that she's not hungover just to rub it in the boys faces - what a girl!
I thought you got Dumbledore across really well here. This line in particular "It's a marvelous thing, you know, finding beauty where destruction has touched." sounds so Dumbledoreish (yes, that is a word :P) to me.
Another fantastic chapter - I really am starting to love this story!
Sian :)Author's Response: This chapter, I think, is when I really decided I wanted to make this story my own and make it what I think their 7th year was like, both the students and the developments of the war. I always felt like it's the one that sort of gets the story going, so I'm really happy you feel that way too ♥
Awww hahah!!! Bellatrix is an addiction, I swear. And yes, she ends up being in here pretty often. Enough to make you scared for the group, at least ;). I'm so excited you though her and Voldemort were written to fit canon here. Voldemort is still really difficult for me. Him and Dumbledore... I don't know if I've ever talked about my Bellatrix head canon/trick to writing her, but if I haven't you should totally PM me.
I think I actually originally intended it to be Peter, but then my Peter head canon changed and James felt more realistic for where I decided to go with it. i fooled both of us :P!
You, m'dear, are insanely perceptive. I'm afraid to even say anything now without giving things away, haha!!!
I'm so exciting you liked the friendships between the boys and Lily! The secret come out in chapter 8, and I can assure you it's nothing romantic ;).
I wish I could just send you my face right now so you could see how much these reviews have made me smile. I know jumping into such a long story isn't anything easy, and I sort of think you're crazy for trying, but I'm still so insanely exciting that you like what you've read so far ♥
Thank you so much Sian for all the lovely compliments and just making my day!
First of all, I love the opening line to this chapter! Using 'wand deep' instead of knee-deep really helps us immerse ourselves more in the wizarding world and makes it seem more realistic. You did that somewhere else in this chapter too and it's really clever.
The part where Lily was working on her potions assignment was really interesting. I liked the way that you explored the two different potions and made them sound realistic, especially with the medical explanations of their effects and what could happen if the potion goes wrong. I've also never thought about how the Wolfsbane potion (and others) would need to be actually tested on humans, much like medical testing. I wonder who volunteered to try it? The essay sounds horrible, though, and it sounds like Lily wasn't the only one having trouble with it.
James is such a great character! I love your interpretation of him so far; he's a good person and has lots of good qualities, but there's still the obvious teenage boy aspect of his personality (enjoying the attention of being Quidditch captain and so on). He's grown up over summer with looking after Lily, but I think he - and all the others - still have a lot of growing up to do. Who doesn't at that age, though?
The description of Belle and Sirius and thunder and lightning was really effective, and I'll definitely be interested to see what happens between the two of them in the future. I like Belle's character so far, and the interaction between the girls that we got to see here.
The flashback to Lily's childhood was so well written and well placed in this chapter. She's putting on a brave show with this perfect exterior, but there are bound to be times when that cracks like it does here. It was great to get a sense of what her relationship with her mum was like, as well as how happy her childhood seemed to be. I'm glad you included Petunia, too - they always appeared to be close, especially before Lily left for Hogwarts.
Remus and Lily's friendship is so cute, and I love Remus here too (in fact, I love almost all the characters so far). The way he talked about losing part of himself was so sad! One thing I enjoyed was that Lily doesn't actually know about Remus's condition; since he didn't tell his friends until they forced him to admit it, I can't imagine he would tell anyone voluntarily unless he had no other choice. There's still a lot Lily has to learn about the Marauders - the little comment about Sirius having a talent for Transfiguration makes me think that she doesn't know about their ability to transform into animals.
The part with the 'Prospects' was so interesting! Bellatrix was really terrifying. Having heard so much about her I'm looking forward to seeing more of her in this story. I like the idea of the Marauders sneaking around and trying to find out what the Prospects are up to, fighting the war in their own way at this stage. I'm curious as to who they were talking about trying to persuade. Could it be Peter?
Ah, poor Lily! I really felt sorry for her in this chapter, with the potions essay and the memory and then getting drunk at the party. I'm interested in this new Durmstrang student (you've done well writing the accents here too - I always struggle with that!) and how much of a role he'll play in the story. And of course, Lily's starting to become more aware of her feelings for James (and ohmygosh when Remus nearly said that James was in love with her I got so excited!).
I have just one Brit-pick (I hope you don't mind!), in that we have 'terms' instead of semesters over here :)
It feels like this story is really starting to pick up and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
Sian :)Author's Response: I've been itching to get time to respond to your amazing reviews! And writing today has been a challenge, but your review has perked me right up ♥
I do try and give a wizarding flare in this, though I recently remembered that Peeves hardly comes up. I need to give him a bit of face time... though I guess the price I paid for ending up juggling a handful of different storyline at once. Okay, done talking to myself and moving on to the next part of your amazing review.
Okay. Mixing medical with magical is one of my BIGGEST pleasures in this. That and writing class scenes; i constantly have to reel myself back in :P I didn't really think about just how they'd test Wolfsbane before this, either. It couldn't have been easy to find willing werewolves...
I love your statement of who doesn't have growing up to do at this age. That's so true. Showing the way these young people all mature enough to commit themselves into a war is such a huge deal for me and one of my biggest goals for this, so I'm sure excited to see what you think as they continue maturing. Though that Potter humor is never far off, is it? :P
Belle is pretty Mary Sue up until this point. I'm excited to see what you think when we start learning more about her! I am a sucker for thunderstorm comparisons though :P.
ekkk I'm so happy you liked that! I know some people hate flashbacks, but they do crop up every so often in this to sort of tell the story of Petunia and Lily, so you liking them just makes me extra excited.
You enjoying all the characters so far is such an awesome compliment. It was so scary trying to wrap my brain around them, and having other people like my babies just makes me want to squeeze you. Can I?! SQUEEZE.
I completely agree with you about Remus. He didn't tell is own best friends until they turned into animals and followed him into the shack. So he's going to tell her because... ermm.. she's Lily Evans? No. Haha, okay, sorry... rant over.
And nope she doesn't know about that either. poor clueless Lily :P!
Accents. Ugh. If I ever say, "Hey Sian, I'm going to start a story with two characters who are foreign," will you throw something at me? One chapter in the future I make a statement that Isabelle will never talk more than she did in that certain chapter cause I got SO frustrated, haha!
Ah! Thank you! And absolutely not -- if you ever find any thing that is super American please don't hesitate to point it out! My beta and I are both hopelessly American ;).
Thank you so much for another amazing review. And for making me feel a lot better about how frustrated I was getting with writing today because of said review!
♥ Jami Report Review
Hahaha thanks for the shoutout! :P he deserved to die! Almost killing Lily; horrible. He was just a slime. Although I think it was sad how Karkaroff had to kill his own nephew. Maybe thats why he was so messed up in the fourth book. Like really Voldemort? He could've easily told someone else to kill him. Well it was an amazing chapter. Update soon (:Author's Response: Well you have been lobbying to get him killed for sometime, now ;)!
Your right, he definitely could have told someone else to. But then he wouldn't be (an attempt) at the Voldemort we know and love ;)!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter. It was such a difficult one for me to write!
Thank you so much for another amazing review!!
♥ Jami! See you Saturday! Report Review
Iíve been waiting to see what Alrek does Lily to all week so Iím so excited that Iím finally able to find out :D This isnít even going to be a rolling review like usual, as I read the chapter beforehand :P
The suspense in this chapter was horrible! I think it was due to the repeated scene changes meaning I wasnít really sure whether I wanted a resolution to the James/Violet story or the Lily/Alrek one first because they were both so shocking in different ways.
I felt really proud of Lily at the beginning as I could sense that she thought she could take Alrek down and thatís probably due to her not knowing the gravity of the entire situation. Then the way you showed the transition from her belief to one of fear was really great. Then when that realisation hit Lily I began to grow scared too. I donít even know why, as I knew she obviously wasnít going to be killed but I think it was just Lily being in the unknown which was horrible.
I really liked the idea of the portrait, and I canít remember if itís featured before but it was really good anyhow. That scene was horrible when she was calling for James as it seemed as if she had really given up her fight and I had never seen her come close to that before. Iím really glad with the resolution of it though and yay for Alrek being killed as that needed to happen a long time ago!
I really liked how you showed Violet in this chapter too. I think you added a certain level of humanity to her which we hadnít seen before and it was really nice. Even though she still is a really horrible person I felt like she was more of human after this chapter. The first indicator was her blushing when James told her about being mean to Lily behind his back as it showed that she could be embarrassed with her own actions for once. Then the part with her genuinely not knowing how to unlock it as I would like to think that was true and she did feel bad about it.
James was wonderful in this chapter and there were a ton of cutesy amidst the drama where he talked about how he wanted to be with Lily and not her and it made me all fuzzy and warm. I thought he was going to send a patronus to rescue Lily and I was glad my predictions were proved correct.
The little scene between Dumbledore and Sirius was really great. I think it was this line which made the entire scene ĎDumbledore make some sort of tutting, amused response.í I can just imagine him doing it now!
Iím really glad that the last scene was focused on the Death Eaters and Alrekís demise as it acted as a conclusion to the entire Alrek storyline instead of dragging it out. I thought it was interesting that the scene was from Regulusí perspective as it added a certain level of humanity to the Death Eaters and I sort of got the feeling that he was shocked about what had happened, showing how young he really is. It showed in this line Ďboy writhing on the floor, twisting and turning in angles not natural for the human body, was a nameless, faceless creature.í
I just picked up on this tiny line from Alrek ĎďOdd that you are being called the smartest witch in generations. You were stupid enough to fall for every bit of my plan. Both you and Potter.ĒĎ you had changed all of his ws to vs beforehand but you hadnít here, so I thought I should point it out :)
This chapter was amazing, Jami ♥ Sorry if my review feels all over the place Iím not used to reviewing like this! It confused me too much when writing it so I think Iíll go back to rolling reviews :P
-KianaAuthor's Response: Kiana! *Let me pause to copy and paste your review into a separate document.*
Okay, now that that's done! HI!
I'm sort of super pleased that you had to read it all at once and not do a rolling review, haha! That means I did a somewhat decent job of building the suspense!
I absolutely love what you said about her not realizing the gravity of the situation. I think at first when she was ready to fight no matter what, it didn't sink in that he was also ready to kill her no matter what. Aww I'm sorry I made you scared, but still secretly happy, haha!
The picture Lily talks to? Yes :) She uses her half whens he wants to tell James a few chapters back that they won't be in class. But it's a very small mention. I'm so happy you like it!
I'm so excited that you did feel like, for a bit there, Lily had given up. I didn't want to make her too strong, too unstoppable. Because, as amazing as she is, she's still a person and we all have our breaking point.
Yay! I really wanted to make it clear that Violet is just a self centered teenager. Most are at her age. She's not evil, but she doesn't think about her actions and that almost cost someone their life. A pretty big lesson for her to learn!
Oh god, anytime you can imagine Dumbledore doing something I wrote is a huge achievement for me. WHY does the man have to be such a challenge?!
Yes, Alrek served his purpose for this story and walked himself into his own death. I liked giving a conclusion to his storyline as well. He showed Lily and James how vincible they really are, made them understand (or at least voice) their opinions about one another after James thought he'd lost Lily for good, and now it was time to remind the DE that even they aren't beyond Voldemort's punishment.
Ahhh thank you for that correction!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and your review doesn't feel all over the place at all! I love reading how the different parts made you feel, and I'd love it even more if i could reach through and hug you!
♥ Report Review
My goodness, you had to have James be trapped, didn't you? And at first, when Lily heard four paws walk across the room, I thought that it was Sirius' animagus, holding an orange bouncy ball. That would have been cute. Well, for people who requested to have Alrek chucked off a tower, you could always have the death eaters toss his corpse off one. You got to please the audience Jamie. :P I heard that you usually post before 11 am, so every five minutes I would check to see if you added a new chapter. Sadly, the moment I noticed the chapter was added, I had to go somewhere, so this is a little late. Keep up the great work, and I am so very excited for the next book.
Love, MorganAuthor's Response: Oh my gosh I didn't even think about that, and that is such a cute idea, haha!
Hahah Morgan I KILLED HIM! Isn't that pleasing enough :P? No, but really, he was always going to die. I love the purpose he served, to show the seriousness of it all, to be another reminder to Lily and James of their mortality, and then a reminder to he DE that their Mark's don't make them invincible. They can be killed just as easily as a muggle born.
I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and I got a bit behind on updating this weekend. I actually rewrote one of the scenes, so that took up a good portion of my morning ;)!
Thank you again so much for another amazing review! Can't wait to see you Saturday!
♥ Jami Report Review
Chapter 14 - Lily's new kitten kept her up playing all night? I would know nothing about that. ;)
I really enjoyed all the creative spells you came up with in this chapter. Tachycardia would certainly be helpful for healers more than anyone else I think. I like that you're explaining the healer related spells and potions since Lily is interested in becoming a healer. Lily watching the intimacy of Sirius and Belle's brewing skills was interesting as well. It's funny how something as mundane as brewing a potion can show how close two people are and how well they work together.
The whole situation with James and Lily is getting even more complicated. If James really wants to be with Lily he should just avoid lying to her and say heís doing something for Remus. Lily will find out soon enough on her own anyways. She's a smart girl, and disappearing every time there's a full moon will certainly lead to questions. I wonder if Vernon was the one to hurt the owl? I can't imagine he would be very pleased with Petunia using such magical means to talk to her sister.
Chapter 15 - I love the name Beowulf for a pet! I'm honestly not a huge fan of the poem though. Even some of the translated versions are really hard to get through. Petunia's letter was hilarious. I love how she mentions that she will go through the painful task of reserving her sister a room so that she can attend her wedding. She also doesn't seem affected by the death of their parents at all. Maybe she was mad at her parents for supporting Lily's magical abilities?
THE KISS! You could tell you really spent a lot of time crafting that scene and making it just perfect. I love how you drew out the scene and made it a really big moment for the two of them. I can't wait to see what happens with the couple going forward! I really loved this line, "James knew she didn't like the way she looked when she laughed, but he'd never understand why." He is so perceptive of Lily and how she covers her mouth because she hates how she laughs, and it's sweet he doesn't see the ugliness that Lily does.
A few typos - "the feel of her arms still laced around him was all the could concentrate on" and "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have..." he began.The (space needed after period)
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli Alli! I wish Ben liked cats more. Writing Lily with a kitten made me want one so bad, haha! Don't tell Tryp!
Making up spells is definitely my guilty pleasure in this. I know they get boring and I try so hard to keep myself from focusing too much on the didactic portion of it all, but it's just so much fun!
Vernon! That's a very good guess. You can definitely imagine his fat hands trying to squish an owl...Obviously you know who it really was now ;). But still, Vernon wasn't someone I thought of...
I've never read all of Beowulf. haha. But the owl is little and tiny and that seemed to be such an opposite but fitting name :P. Maybe I'll put 'get through Beowulf' on my to do list. Though I'll just complain to you all the while...
I know romance isn't your favorite, but I'm still so happy you liked the kiss! I was afraid it was too soon, then someone reminded me we ARE 15 chapters in. haha. It wasn't supposed to be just yet, but then it sort of fit really well.
Thank you so much for the typos and for another awesome review ♥ You realize how spoiled I am over here, sitting in my happy review feels, right?
Oh no, I hate Alrek! He tried to make friends with Lily and now he's planning to kill her? I mean, how could he do that? I know that he isn't going to kill Lily after all, but I can't believe he planned it that way.
So Frank and Alice are moving in? That's fine, as I love the pair, but I really liked the idea of Lily, Alice and Belle living together. That would've extended the story a bit but it would've been fun too. =]
The James and Violet part was good and evil. Oh Jami can't you tell me what happens! Aaah I hate cliffhangers! Anyways, now I'm glad I read this chapter on Thursday instead of last Saturday. I'll have to wait for one long day instead of a long weak!!! :D
Good chapter as usual!
AshwiniAuthor's Response: Alrek definitely doesn't have the best intentions. He tried to pretend to make friends for as long as he could on Voldemort's orders, but I think he's finally just lost it :P. Crazy bloke.
I do think it would have been really fun to see the girls all move in together! Hopefully Alice will have lots of sleepovers with the girls ;)!
Awww hahah I can't tell you then i would ruin it!! :P. And yes, see, only one day! I'll be updating first thing Saturday morning (EST) too, so it won't be long!
I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter!! And I really am sorry about the cliff hanger, but thank you so much for your awesome reviews ♥ I'm so excited that you're still enjoying this!!
♥ Jami Report Review
Hi Jami! :D
I wanted to read and review this chapter right away, but non- HPFF life was too hectic and I had to write a new update for my current WIP. I hope you understand! :) Anyways, I have two free saturdays and I'm looking forward to the next updates. =]
A lot happened in this chapter. Some of it was lovely and some of it makes me worried. So I'll call this a bittersweet chapter.
Violet and Alrek is a recipe of danger! I mean, I don't really want it to happen. What if Violet becomes a Death Eater in the future? I don't like her that much, but I want everyone of them to be good in the future. Even Peter! He's so kind and nice in BTF that I can't believe he's going to do that. He and Mary would've made a cool match I guess.
The last scene was very touching. I love Lily and James!!! I love them so much! James was a bit silly though, when he thought it was a prank. That was too much for a prank... But I'm glad you decided not to go ahead. It wasn't the right time and situation.
Let's see what happens in the next chapters!
AshwiniAuthor's Response: Hi lovely Ashwini ♥ Does anyone ever call you Ash?
Aww, don't ever stress about getting over her when you're busy! You know it's not going anywhere!
I think Violet is a very self centered girl who's too focused on her own wants to really give much thought to anyone else, but I don't think she's evil. If that helps ;).
Aww I'm so happy you like Peter in BTF. I know how hard it is for people to give him a chance. I think, even after he does what he does, you'll feel more bad for him than angry. At least if I'm able to write it the way I see it in my head.
I agree with it not being the right situation or time and I'm so happy you liked their section together ♥ hahah poor James is just a bit clueless sometimes, isn't he?
Thank you so much for your awesome review, Ashwini! ♥
Jami Report Review
Hey Jami! I only have one more review to leave after this one and then I'll be all caught up with my reviews.
Chapter 12 -
First, some typos.
"they had both decided to focus on asking has what she was going to wear"
"care to tell us who youíre planing on saying gave you zat disgusting zing?"
"There are a few other ones to chose from"
It's really sweet of Lily's friends to wake up early with her to avoid her being alone. I love how close the whole group is with each other and how overall they're really trusting of the group. I really want to know why Belle transferred to Hogwarts and what she's hiding from her friends. It must be something pretty big if it's keeping her from being with Sirius. I suspect you'll be revealing everything soon enough though.
Alrek wanting to hang out with Lily even though it's clear she isn't interested in him is definitely throwing up a red flag. I can't see him infiltrating the group that easily, but it certainly looks like heís going to try.
There were a lot of little details in this chapter I really enjoyed like Frank having a toad just like his future son and James squeezing Lily's knee under the table to comfort her. The butterscotch colored kitten is adorable as well. James telling Lily she looked beautiful was so nice! It's even better that he did it just for her and for no one else to hear.
Chapter 13 - Anything titled Revelations I know I will like because it means we'e finally going to find out some more information! It looks like we will be starting with the big reveal of Alrek in this chapter. First off, can I just say how creepy Bella is in this line, "she always did like watching people while they were at their most vulnerable."
I'm a bit confused why Voldemort is already targeting James to join him if the prophecy hasn't been heard by anyone yet. I know Alrek claimed it was his leadership ability and influence over others that James has, but it still seems odd to focus this much on one student. I'm relieved that Regulus doesn't ant to harm Sirius though. I've always felt like Regulus was better than the rest and got caught up in something he shouldnít have. If he would have survived I think him and Snape could have gotten along well after Voldemort fell.
I totally called it that Belle's secret was that she was pregnant. After the scene in the Three Broomsticks with the girls getting into a fight about one of them being pregnant, I knew that had to come into play somewhere. You definitely don't put random scenes in your story for no reason. Getting to hear her back story was interesting and definitely explains a lot about her insecurities with Sirius and why she rushed out of the Three Broomsticks last chapter.
P.S. James and Lily parenting Botterscotch together is adorable!Author's Response: Alli!
Now that you already know the Belle secret I can't say, oh you'll know soon :P! But I'm so happy you were already getting interested in finding out her story, and that you thought Alrek wanted to go with the group still was suspicious. I was hoping I didn't make him just seem too nice or something.
Awww yay I'm happy you like the James telling Lily she's beautiful! I really wanted to show it was a sincere comment and not a just for show kind of one like so much of the stuff he does :P
Ahhh haha that line is pretty creepy isn't it?! *Pet's Bellatrix* nice little evil girl.
Honestly, I was pretty clueless on why Voldemort would want to recruit them as well. But JKR put it out that Lily and James first defied Voldemort before they graduated Hogwarts. she just didn't give a good reason why he wanted to recruit them :P. I played around with the idea of Mr. Potter having attended school with Voldemort and making some sort of impression and in these later years Voldemort either wanting to get Mr. Potter back or something. but it ended up just being too messy and not making sense on why Voldemort wouldn't have gone after James's dad. And since the potters died of old age that couldn't have happened... haha sorry my brain is going off on tangents. But yeah, basically we know that they both defied him before they graduated, so a refusal to join him i some way seemed like the most logical sort of defy. And James being a good tool for Voldemort to gather more followers was the best I could come up with :P. Let's just pretend that Voldemort has an obsession with teenage boys :P
I agree with Regulus. I really want someone to write a longer story about him *hint hint*. I think he just wanted to make his family proud and didn't realize what he was really getting into. HAHA I never thought about him and snape being friends! Now I vote you write an AU about that :P!
Yes you totally called it! When we go shopping together I'll buy you a cookie :P. I'm happy too that you think all my scenes play some sort of purpose. I try to make them, but I don't know if anyone has ever noticed that.
Isn't it so cute having those to as sort of fake parents? Haha! I really wanted to go buy a kitten after writing this chapter!
THANK YOU ALLI ♥ Report Review
Chapter 9 - It looks like the war is finally getting underway. I'm surprised Dumbledore wasn't able to think of the patronus idea himself, though I suppose he can't be extraordinarily innovative all the time. I especially like how you mentioned that spells can evolve and develop over time. The look that James gave Lily as he was about to cast his patronus reminded me a lot of how Snape channeled his memories of Lily into creating his patronus as well. It's interesting to see how Snape and James were similar in these ways, and Lily is probably completely unaware of it.
Two minor errors - "The mirror caught her attention and she glanced at if from the corner of her eye," and "to handle to worthless face glancing back at her."
Bella is just getting crazier and crazier. It's easy to see how invested she is in her position as a follower of Voldemort. The franticness of her actions seems spot on, and it seems the entire situation is already pushing her further towards the deep end. It's strange thinking how she could get to such a delusional and power-obsessed state of mind, but luckily we have your other story to tell us that. ;)
Chapter 10 - Petunia is so finicky! I still can't grasp how Petunia can go back and forth from hating and loving Lily so quickly. She's fascinated by the magic and wants Lily to use it, yet she also hates her sister for getting to experience something she can't. This quote reminded me so much of myself, "Lily was so organized when it came to homework, classes, books, everything really. Only her best friends knew that she couldn't keep her clothes folded and room clean to save her life." Let's just ignore all my clothes strewn around the room right now. :P
I think you meant pastry here - "Peter said, handing over a pasty to Belle."
Now that the war is getting more serious I love getting to see how everyone is reacting to the attacks. I liked that Lily was able to acknowledge her naive attitude towards the war. You can tell she is still surprised that the level of infiltration Voldemort has, especially with how the auror program has been comprised. It's frightening to realize the wizards supposed to be fighting off the Death Eaters may in fact be one of them.
Chapter 11 - I've always loved order scenes, so I'm glad you put one in this chapter! I really like how you show us each of the different perspectives of what's going on with the war. Getting to see it from the perspective of Voldemort, Bellatrix, the Order, and the Marauders gives the situation a whole new dimension and really helps the reader see how Voldemort's plan is developing.
I also really enjoyed the little moment Lily and James shared down by the lake. It seems like the two are definitely getting more comfortable with each other, and the tragedies occurring all around them probably isn't hurting either. I sense their relationship will be growing even deeper over the next few chapters.
Just one mistake in this chapter that I spotted - "It was the fist time they'd be able to come to one."
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli Alli *insert other name here that I'm not allowed to say.*!
I was so excited about giving the Patronuses, or talking ones at least, an origin. We know the Marauders were always inventing sneaky ways to make their lives easier, like the map and the two way mirror James and Sirius have, so letting them figure out the way to communicate without owls was a blast. I'm really happy the idea of magic evolving. It seems unrealistic for a spell to never get tweaked a bit or anything.
I'm so excited that Bellatrix's insanely shaky mental state is getting noticeably more fragile. I think I mentioned to you before what I sort of base her off, and so far I think that's really helped me with writing her devotion in a hopefully eerie way. And chapter 3 of that one is almost done! Well, 'almost' bight be pushing it a little... :P But I've started it!
Oh my gosh I think 'finicky' is the best word I've ever heard used to describe Petunia. The next flashback of her and Lily (pretty sure it's the next one) I think shows a lot of how much her jealousy of Lily influences her (I was going to use affects here, but I didn't know if it's a or e so I just chose influence :P) to act the way she does. I've always had a huge issue with the 'they just stopped talking because Petunia hated Lily out of jealousy' thing. It's obvious they kept some sort of relationship because Petunia invited Lily and James to her wedding during their seventh year and they also had dinner with the couple before the wedding. So there was enough of a bond to want her sister there for whatever reason. And then we know that Petunia sent a vase for Christmas one year... so I've always really wanted to give their relationship more levels than just the 'hated and stopped talking' thing. Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on there :P.
The order scene was SO SCARY TO WRITE. I'm so happy you liked it!!! I don't even remember how long I spent on that section, but it was way longer than most. They're just such an important group to get right and I fiddled with everyone so many times and ended up doing a list of who lives and who dies and what their occupations are cause I was so scared I'd mention something small here about one of the members than counteract it later.
Aww I'm glad you liked the lake scene! And your suspicions may be right ;)!
Thank you so much for another awesome review, Alli! I have so much fun getting to read what stood out at you on the chapters, and think I should probably send you cookies or something for being crazy enough to start such a long story :P
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