64 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Freda_and_Georgina Chapter 1 : The Opponent

11th July 2014:
For the (100th!) House Cup 2014 Review
Hugo's in Ravenclaw? How interesting, I think this is the first time I've seen him put there. Heehee "Rose always gets the crazy ones."
What a manly thing to do. I wonder how Teddy's getting into Hogwarts.
Hugo's thoughts on who to save are amusing, especially since it keeps switching. Teddy winking at Lucy is starting to boarder on strange.
Wow indeed. Haha!
Awesome story! I'd love to read more but the power just went out, so I can't post this review until we get the wifi back. :P
--Freda

 Report Review

Review #2, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs Teddy (Potter (Weasley)) Lupin

18th May 2014:
Me once again!

I'm a bit sad to see it's the last chapter but I'm excited to see Teddy's challenge.

Hugo and Romulous are just brilliant, and they never fail to make me laugh.

I love that Teddy's proud of them and their challenges they did against Killian. James is cute in how he doesn't want Molly to lose Killian, such a sweet cousin.

Teddy's whole speach on the Weasley girls made me smile, if any one would need to scare Killian off, it would be the Weasley girls combined.

"I deserve a nice lay in don't I?" - Try 'lie in' instead of 'lay in' at the very start.

Oh. my. god. I was seriously not expecting that!! It's so fluffy and Molly is such a lucky girl. I can't believe it was Killian's plan all along rather than Teddy's, the crazy kid. He's certainly Weasley material.

The last line made me giggle and it was the perfect way to end I think.

Again there were a few little spelling errors but nothing major.

I loved reading this and it's put a smile on my face :D

-Potterfan310

 Report Review

Review #3, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs Hugo Weasley

18th May 2014:
Hi!

Hugo's time to challenge Killian, should be very interesting!

Hugo and James aren't the only ones rooting for Killian, I am too and as I said before I think he is the perfect addition to the Weasley-Potter family.

I think you've gotten writing Hagrid done to a tee! It's amazing how close your characterisation of him is to the books, I'm always too scared to write certain canon characters including Hagrid for fear of not doing them justice but you've done it wonderfully!! :D

Ahh so maybe Molly did help James come up with stealing the chess challenge from Hugo.

The Diricawls are adorable, where can I get one? :p And as for Hugo using them to announce his challenge, was very creative. I'd say Hugo's definitely the animal lover out of the Weasley boys. I think I love it when Hugo's talking to them (much like he does with his owl) and they answer him ever so politely.

Blast Ended Skrewts!! I love it! I got annoyed they didn't appear in the films (along with a whole bunch of other things) so I love that you've used them. Especially as they're a creature you don't really hear of much.

Killian's definitely got brains, his skrewt catching technique was great. Surprised Hugo didn't think of it. Killian is going to be a great honorary Weasley, I think it's really nice of him when he asked Hugo if they could play chess one day. He's a sweetie and Molly deserves him.

"chess are too sacred for me." - Try 'is' instead of 'are' so it flows better. There were one or two little things that needed an extra letter on the end of the word, but it's easily fixed after a read through.

-Potterfan310

 Report Review

Review #4, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs James (Weasley) Potter

18th May 2014:
Hey!

I feel a bit bad for him being the only one in Ravenclaw, it's like he resents it a tiny bit.

I totally forgot about the teachers, oops. It's interesting to see how they actually stay and watch the challenge. I'm surprised none of them have put a stop to it or something. Poor, poor Hugo. I feel terrible that James stole his idea from him, the meanie. I couldn't believe it when he conjured it, but trust him to not just enlarge a regular sized board but to turn the tables into it. James better have a good reason which made him choose Hugo method of testing Killian.

I'm, really intrigued to see James reasons for choosing chess (maybe Molly told him too?) and why he was letting Killian win and eventually beat him.

Hugo's passion for chess just adds to his character I think, and he's a lot like his father too.

There are still a few spelling errors where letters are missing but it's nothing that can't be fixed :)

Two chapters left, I can't wait to read them!

-Potterfan310

 Report Review

Review #5, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs Louis Weasley

18th May 2014:
Hey!

Your take on Louis is really intriguing and I find him really mysterious. A dance off? I love it! I'm guessing Louis is the sort of creative, arty sort of Weasley, which is fascinating!

Hugo and his inner thoughts are so great! You've written him so well especially as he is one of the more under-loved characters of the Next-Gen kids.

It's no surprise Louis is so popular, I mean he is part Veela after all and he has Bill and Fleur for parents, that kid is bound to have a lot going for him in the looks department!

Being muggle-born, Arthur's bound to love that! I still think Killian is a great addition to the Weasley family despite having to go through these tests. I love the whole idea of the dance off, it's so original (much like the whole story :D) and sounds so much fun.

I am super glad Killian won!

CC - "In fact, every single armor shout this little speech" - At the very start of the chapter, try adding an 's' on the end of shout.

When Elaina is speaking to Hugo I spotted that you missed the 'y' of any more - "I can't take those coats of armor's shouts anmore!"

Onto the next chapter. I'm excited to whether Hugo does get to do his chess match after all.

-Potterfan310

 Report Review

Review #6, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs Fred Weasley

17th May 2014:
Hi!

Hugo and his owl! I love it, it's brilliant and I think it just adds to Hugo's character about how he talks to him. I also love the bit about how he thinks Teddy is still likely to kill them, it amuses me :D

I like how Lily and Eliana work out what the letters are, perhaps they should have been Ravenclaw's too :p Although I'm guessing Eliana already is?

Seeing Fred as the captain of a duelling team is very original! I always see/read him as a prankster type, not too bothered about school or extra curricular activities so it's so nice to see him in a different light.

Hugo playing chess! I love it when there are small inklings/facts that link them to their parents! It still incorporates the books and I think it's great as it's still the hint to the series we all know and love.

Poor Hugo worrying about what his challenge will be. Not too mention the others can think of something before him. It's weird to say but the duel sounds fun, I like the rules you came up with and the way you wrote it.

I feel so bad for both Killian and Molly. Killian because he has got to be crazy for putting up with all the Weasley family and their tricks, but then again he must love her to do so. And Molly because if Killian breaks up with her, boy oh boy will she have a hard time getting another boyfriend. Saying that any of the girls will have a hard time.

CC - "their heads held up high like a king and queed" - When Molly and Killian arrive, all you need to do is swap the 'd' for an 'n' on queen.

And when Hugo is on about them just before the duel, don't and know run together - "I don'tknow who I'm rooting for any more."

-Potterfan310

 Report Review

Review #7, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs Lucy Weasley

17th May 2014:
Hi!

Ahh Hugo has never failed make me laugh. His comment on Rose eating the Kidney pie, I mean why would you eat that? More to the point why is that even a food, yuck.

The fact they call Molly G-mum really makes me smile. Molly definitely sounds like a fun grandmother.

The thought of Little Lucy having to demolish as may hot-dogs in the space of one lunch time is horrifying. Throwing the Quidditch commentator into the match was great as well as the detail of his personality and how Hugo is thinking of his future rather than paying attention to the match.

Ewww gross, poor,poor Lucy. Although I can understand that Molly's mad at her cousins for trying to see if her boy will be for keep, that's still such a mean thing to do. Go Killian, well played Molly, well played is all I can say. I'm a bit surprised she hasn't really that their all going to challenge them but it shall be interesting when she realises.

CC - "The owl allows itself to drink in my pumpkin juice," - It could just be me but it sounded a little off, maybe try 'from' instead of 'in'.

-Potterfan310

Author's Response: Thanks again for such a nice review!

I know right? Kidnew pie? I had to google it to find out what it was and, surprisingly enough, we call it something else over here and eat it as well!!

Molly would be a great grandma; the name came from another one of my story, where George called her that at a family party and she got so mad, the kids decided to that it would stick. In the end, she likes it tough!

Haha, I just loved the idea for Lucy! And thinking about Ron and even Harry who gets served two or even three helpings of food whenever he goes there in the books, we can imagine that the Weasleys must all have a good appetite!

And yeah, Molly is pretty angry at her relatives about all this and she knows Lucy has way more appetite than Killian. She had to try everyhing and, although it's gross, it's fair. She's not just going to sit by and wait, is she?

Thanks again for pointing out the comment, it does sound better this way, I'll make sure to change it!


 Report Review

Review #8, by potterfan310 Killian Earhart Vs Albus (Weasley) Potter

15th May 2014:
Me again!

I was really intrigued after reading the first chapter so here I am :)

Oh dear, well Hugo's friend Eliana definitely sounds interesting. Hugo and his owl are brilliant. He's such a great character to read, not too mention realistic as well. His nervous-ness makes him cute and I can't help but feel for him when he's worrying about his own confrontation with Killian.

Eliana is certainly right, I think I'd hate it too. I'm glad she pointed it out to Hugo, made it will make him think a bit more in the future before he tries it out on another cousin. I definitely like Al's little speech about all Wealey's (related or not) must play Quidditch, it's a fun rule and it'll bring the family closer together.

James and Al's story of they became beaters made me laugh. There's nothing like a sibling war, plus it goes with their personalities. Although Al would probably rather be a seeker much like his father. Ha! The fact their plan backfired and he's already a beater is too funny.

I think Killian is certainly going to make a fine member of the Weasley family. He's got such a laid back personality and happy-go-lucky nature that he'll fit right in, personally I think he's a good suitor for Molly.

Hugo's mental commentary is fab, I think my favourite has got to be "What a gentleman; he just won and still want to take care of his adversary. He should be taking his lover into his arms, giving her the victory kiss and walk away in the sunset. "

My only CC is - "Al eyes are rolling" - I think you missed the apostrophe and s off his name.

I suspect that I'm probably reading way too much between the lines but in the first chapter James says 'mollify The Captain' and then her boyfriend is called Killian well I'm wondering if this a reference to Once Upon A Time (Love it!) and to Captain Hook whose real name is Killian Jones?

-Potterfan310

Author's Response: Hi again!

Eliana is a good friend. A muggleborn who just accepts things as they come. She only recently discovered magic and Hugo's family and has learned that she can question it but it will not change no matter what she thinks!

I'm glad you like the story behind Al and James spots on the quidditch team! I thought it was so fitting to have them battle it out every week on the pitch.

Killian is a good guy; a really good prospect for Molly and would definitly fit well within the Weasley bunch. Will he take his spot though? The cousins will definitly push him to the extreme!

OMG are you serious? I don't watch OUAT so I didn't know this little info but it's amazing! This story has been written since before OUAT came out so, no, he's not named because of that but this is an amazing coincidence!

Thanks for the great review, I'm glad you enjoy you read so far!


 Report Review

Review #9, by potterfan310 Chapter 1 : The Opponent

15th May 2014:
Hi!

Here for the Gryffie Review Exchange :D

I never see/read Hugo as the main character often so it's a nice change. So far I really like your characterisation of him, especially where he's interrupting his owl's every hoot into actual words and actually replies. I think every pet owner is probably guilty of this :p

One thing I absolutely love is when Lily and Hugo are best friends! Hugo's inner thoughts about her and keeping the secret about the 'male meeting' is fab as is him wishing she was born a boy.

Hugo in Ravenclaw? I don't think I've read a story where's he been a Ravenclaw, normally it's Rose so it's refreshing to see and as for his homework and doing it in advance. He truly is his mother's son which is nice because he's normally characterised to be more like Ron than anything.

I'm guessing he's pretty close to Al if he's the one he'd save if Teddy went on mass killing spree. The whole idea of him trying to avoid Lily, doing ninja moves and hiding as well as having all these crazy thoughts in his head as the time goes on, is brilliant. Hugo is super original and a tiny bit insane!

Hmm I wonder what Lucy's been through in short life? I don't suppose having Percy as a dad helps, or a huge crazy family? I'm intrigued.

The Weasley/Potter boys through Hugo's eyes is very interesting. As are their own personalities. Very different to see but I love it! Teddy is certainly the boss of the family who they all look up too.

Whilst I've never seen Scott Pilgrim I think the jist of it is he has to go through a girl's seven(?) ex-boyfriends. I could be wrong? But this story is super original and I don't think I've ever read one like it at all.

My only bit of CC would be that there's a three in brackets in the middle of the story. I'm not sure if it's meant to be there or just a typo. It's when Hugo is saying it's six o'clock and speaking about his stomach. And when Fred is asking about James' plan for him, there's a missed 'c' off the word curious.

I'm really intrigued now to read the rest :D Poor Killian indeed, he truly has no idea what he's got himself into.

-Potterfan310
Sophie

Author's Response: Hello!

I know this isn't your choice of story to review but I hope you appreciate it nevertheless!

Hugo is very rarely written as a main character isn't he? People seam to forget about him or just write him like a Ron x 2. For some reason, he just happened to become my favorite next gen character. I find him full of possibilities since, mostly, he isn't written about !!! I'm currently writting his first year in another story (although it's not the same tone at all!) so his life story is pretty much written in my mind!

Yeah, I based his relationship with his owl on the one I have with my dog...

Hugo is a pretty intense boy. It's been tough on him being Sorted out of Gryffindor but his cousins were there for him. Albus helped him understand that he was different and Lily was always his best friend; loyal to the core.
As for Lucy, well, I have an idea, in my head canon, that something happened to her at the beginning of that year which will change her a bit. I hope I get to write it some day. But it is true that being Percy's child must be pretty hard!

You've gotten it right. Scott Pilgrim has to fight the seven exes of his new girlfriend. I twinked it a bit in order to see the story from one of he enemy's point of view.

I am currently getting this story betaed by the amazing Kenpo and we will look this point out. Thanks for noticing!


 Report Review

Review #10, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs Teddy (Potter (Weasley)) Lupin

25th March 2014:
Alrighty! We are here at the end!

I'll start by summarizing my thoughts about style and continuity (AKA what you actually requested). I think aside from a change in Chapters 5 and 6 that I actually ended up preferring, your style was pretty consistent. You seemed mostly aimed at using dialogue as the primary driver and then using either description or internal thoughts to supplement that. There were chapters where that worked better than others, but you were consistent overall.

In terms of continuity, I think you have no concerns. The plot flowed naturally and there didn't seem to be anything that jumped out as out of place to me. I would reiterate that if you are planning on edits, I think you might benefit from replacing the Hugo/Lily/Eliana scenes later on in the story with some other content that paints a better image or uses more powerful language/ideas, but that's up to you.

In terms of this chapter, you definitely pulled a plot twist on us there at the end. If you were aiming at a fluff ending I think it's fine, though I might make the actual proposal a little more detailed and refined. Really drill in on that moment and make it epic with your word choice, description, everything because it's crucial.

I hope my reviews have helped! Feel free to PM if you have any questions!

 Report Review

Review #11, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs Hugo Weasley

25th March 2014:
This chapter seemed to go a little bit more back to the style of the earlier chapters. I think having seen this return, I definitely prefer what you did with Chapters 5 and 6 and I'd work to stay with that from here on out.

Again, I'd say that I didn't think Lily and Eliana were necessary and I would add that I'm not sure I understand the necessity of introducing this Connor character last chapter and referencing him this chapter since we are not going to learn much about him.

One of the things I thought was a shortcoming was probably the portion of the chapter involving Hagrid. I thought you did a pretty good job with Hagrid before (he's a character I just shy away from because I don't feel I could do his habits or the speech patterns justice), but this time with more extended dialogue, the speech patterns just didn't work as well for me.

What I did like is that there was some more interaction during the challenge between Killian and his opponent. I think that's something that could be included in some of the earlier sections, particularly with characters who would be likelier to taunt their target. I thought the very end came back to being a little bromantic like I mentioned before, but that's just my opinion.

 Report Review

Review #12, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs James (Weasley) Potter

25th March 2014:
Ahh! So you stole chess from Hugo. I'm interested to know why you didn't want to have him lose, but perhaps this chapter with James deliberately failing speaks either to the family just coming around to him or Molly getting to people behind the scenes. It raises questions, which is almost always a good thing.

As for the style, this kept more in line with last chapter, which I think is a bit more effective on the whole. Your descriptions have improved versus before and you are not forcing characters into scenes to make dialogue happen.

The one thing I will say, is that now that we know plenty of Hugo's character, I'm not sure why we are still having these interactions with Lily and Eliana. By this point they seem a bit unnecessary and just a comfortable way to ease into the chapter. I think the story could be made more effective by ditching some of these once Hugo has been developed in favor of a more dynamic or interesting chapter intro. It would draw readers in a little more to each chapter and could be used to really set a scene or tone nicely straight from the top.

 Report Review

Review #13, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs Louis Weasley

25th March 2014:
Howdy!

I did notice a little difference in this chapter compared to the others - that being the balance of dialogue versus other mechanisms was much more in favor of internal thoughts and description than in chapters past. I think part of that was down to the nature of this challenge being more "visual" and the need to explain the game, but it was just something I picked up on.

As far as content, I liked that we finally got some one-on-one interaction (even a small amount) between Molly and Killian. Even if it was Hugo eavesdropping, I thought it was a nice touch to get a little of Molly and a little more of their relationship into the story.

I wasn't particularly a fan of the challenge involving a conversion of muggle technology, but at least you explained it unlike many fics, so that was a good thing.

You also continued to develop the whole aspect of Killian noticing people's flaws and capitalizing on them to win, which was a good thing too - I'm interested to see how this comes into play in the chess match (if that is indeed what ends up happening).

 Report Review

Review #14, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs Fred Weasley

24th March 2014:
Hello again!

What you really did a great job of here is showing more of Killian's character. We have seen flashes before, but I liked how you tied things together for us with Hugo's analysis of the outcome of the duel so that we really get a definitive trait of Killian's at this point.

One thing I have started to note that seems a bit off to me is Hugo's reactions to Killian. Perhaps it's a response to the difficulty of developing Molly and Killian's relationship or getting across the idea of what she sees in him, but Hugo seems to have a bit of a bro-crush developing on Killian as written and as a male reader it just seems a bit odd to me the extent to which he projects Molly's love onto her boyfriend and thinks of how great a guy Killian might be for her. Just a thought.

The bigger thing for me is the Reductor Curse. You have Fred use the incantation "Reducto" (which should probably be italicized incidentally) to shrink Killian's shoe. In reality this is the exact incantation for the Reductor Curse, which as I'm sure you know, blasts things into pieces. So be careful!

Stylistically though, I think you are still staying consistent. You're still taking the same basic approach of balancing dialogue against other writing devices like description or internal thought and I think that works for you.

 Report Review

Review #15, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs Lucy Weasley

24th March 2014:
Alright! So the hot dog competition was an inventive battle especially given who the "challenger" was and I think you made the most of it by injecting the Quidditch commentator into the mix.

I did feel that everybody crowding around before that point was slightly unrealistic, as was the almost palpable tension in the air when Lucy arrived. Presumably people would have heard about the confrontation between Albus and Killian, but I'm puzzled why they would expect one between Lucy and Killian, so I guess that's why it felt a bit off for me.

Unfortunately we also didn't get a whole lot about Lucy's character (despite the fact that Hugo seems to have an affinity for her) aside from her ability to eat large amounts of food.

Stylistically, this chapter seems consistent with the others as well. I would be careful going forward with editing and proofreading though. We'll see how that develops over time (we all have the occasional extra letter or un-deleted word, but I'll just note I've noticed it multiple times in each chapter so far, so just be careful. You never want readers to get distracted by that while reading (or worse, if they're harsh enough to abandon it for this amount).

See you in Chapter 4!

 Report Review

Review #16, by TidalDragon Killian Earhart Vs Albus (Weasley) Potter

24th March 2014:
Hello again!

I was intrigued to see how you would develop Albus while sticking with Hugo's POV here and I thought you did a pretty good job. I definitely enjoyed the section where Albus "calls out" Killian for the beater competition. It was amusingly theatrical.

You also did a good job in this chapter maintaining balance in use of writing tools, this time more using dialogue and description rather than dialogue and internal thoughts, but still effective.

I did think the ending was rather abrupt and very suddenly reintroduced Hugo's inner thoughts into the chapter. It probably could have been avoided merely by describing how things ended without any dialogue or inner thoughts and seemed to flow better, but that's just my opinion.

 Report Review

Review #17, by TidalDragon Chapter 1 : The Opponent

24th March 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your review request. Per that request, I'm mostly going to focus on style and continuity, but I'll point out other positives as well!

I definitely enjoyed the bit with Romulus the owl. I thought it was amusing the way you characterized each hoot as having a different meaning and used that to set up some of Hugo's character and the transition to the next phase of the chapter.

I also found the hour-by-hour breakdowns of Hugo's day leading up to the meeting useful. They took us a bit inside Hugo's head. By the time the meeting rolled around he clearly came across as a studious, slightly-tense/over-anxious character.

I thought you did a good job of blending internal thoughts and dialogue in this chapter for the most part. One intriguing thing I did notice in terms of style however was that a lot of your dialogue tags use verbs in the present tense. Most of the time, even in first person, my experience is that the language is still past tense here because the person whose POV you're writing from is commenting on the behavior after they have noticed it or after it has occurred, making their retrospective thought about it or description of it a past tense one. Just something to think about.

The only part of the chapter I was not particularly a fan of was the meeting. This is the point where (understandably) dialogue comes out of balance with the Hugo's thoughts/observations. In my mind, when you get a large number of characters together, there are a couple of main approaches to take. First, if the dialogue is going to be really substantive, you may just go heavy dialogue and let more characters get involved (especially if you are not really needing to develop those characters). The other approach is to just have a few crucial speakers and keep the balance between dialogue and observation. I think I would have preferred the second approach here, because given the structure I can see in your chapters, I think we'll get enough development of the other characters in their featured chapter. There are other mechanisms to lay out all the persons who are present (see the scene where the D.A. is organized as a fine example).

All in all though, you accomplished your main goal of explaining what the story was about with good balance, decent mechanics and only a few typos I noticed.

See you next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #18, by PolyJuice_ Chapter 1 : The Opponent

13th March 2014:
BLACKOUT BATTLE 16/20 (ALMOST THERE!)

Awesome start to this story! Poor Hugo having to keep that secret from Lily and spend all that time worrying and hiding from her just to have her show up to the meeting anyway. Silly guys, telling Hugo it was a boys-only meeting! Clearly there's some communication issues!

Although, I feel really sorry for the poor boyfriend. He's gonna be in some serious trouble when the guys (and Lily) get a hold of him.

I can't wait to see what you have in store for Killian Earhart, and I'm excited to see where you take this story, it's got lots of potential to be a fun and hilarious ride!

Anyway, all in all I liked everything about this story, your characters were fab and well rounded. Great job!

Liz

 Report Review

Review #19, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs Teddy (Potter (Weasley)) Lupin

13th March 2014:
Hello again! Ahh, it's the last chapter! :( That's so sad!

I love when the kids called out Teddy on waking them up so early in the morning when he should have just said so in the letter. Teddy clearly has a lot of control over their owls! :P He's so funny in how intense and confidently non-chalant he is.

And smellier. Some kids really need to take a bath... Again with the random thoughts, Hugo. :P He's so judgemental sometimes, but he makes me laugh.

Suddently I'm not too sure that there will be a wedding to go to this summer... Hahaha, this is so true! The Weasley girls here are very fearsome, and though Teddy's speech was funny to me I'm sure the girls would not see it that way. I'm glad Teddy survived, of course, but this was a fantastic moment.

Twenty-one history questions, hahaha. Not quite, Ted. I also really enjoyed Hugo's musings on athletic ability being judged on Quidditch, since though I'm sure it is very physical so are other sports, and I've never really seen other sports mentioned in a fanfiction before!

The challenge was so suspenseful, but I loved the twist at the end! I honestly had no idea that Killian was organizing the whole thing - such sneakiness! Such confidence in his abilities to beat all the cousins! And aw, I'm glad it worked and Molly likes him, even though they are quite young. I'm sure they have lots of time to be engaged and for Killian to be "introduced" to the rest of the fearsome family! :P

The last line about Percy was great, and was a perfect end to an awesome story. I really loved reading this, it just made me smile throughout and Hugo was a lovely narrator. This is such a wonderful, happy story and I'm sure I'll be back to re-read if I need cheering up! :D ♥

Blackout Round 3 - 5/20

 Report Review

Review #20, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs Hugo Weasley

13th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Ahhh, the Skrewts!!! :D I was so angry when they were left out of the HP films and now you've brought them back, and I'm so happy. When Hugo was being all mysterious about what animal he and Killian would be facing I thought either the Skrewts or perhaps something they would have to fight off, but this was just perfect. Having to catch the Skrewts... hahaha. In a way this actually is the most dangerous and awesome challenge, and I'm proud of Hugo for thinking of it!

I like Hugo's reasoning for why James did what he did. It makes sense, and especially if he knew that chess was too sacred for Hugo to let Killian win. Clever, James! But still, I don't blame Hugo for holding a bit of a grudge for now. James did hurt his feelings and cause him stress even if it were for the greater good.

The Diricawls were adorable, I have no idea how you came up with them! There are all these lovely little details in this story and this intrinsic fun innocence which makes me love the story all the more. When they kept saying "yes, yes" and Hugo had to ask them to go back to their cage I was smiling because they seemed so polite and helpful. And they got a treat at the end of it! Yay! :P

I'm sorry, I have a bit of a soft spot for animals as you can tell. :P

The Skrewt-catching competition was great, and I like how Killian maneuvered it to win. A well deserved win, this time around!

And aw, Killian asked Hugo to play chess sometime! I like the idea of Killian getting along so well with the cousins and being a sort of big brother/cousin/friend figure to Hugo. And the last line made me laugh as well - Hugo has the most random thoughts.

Loved this, I'm sad that it will be all over next chapter! :(

Blackout Round 3 - 4/20

 Report Review

Review #21, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs James (Weasley) Potter

13th March 2014:
Hello again! :)

Before I forget, I really like all the chapter images for this story. They suit the mood perfectly and the face claim for Killian is so funny! :)

Ahh, poor Hugo! :( I'm very curious to hear James' explanation and why he would have let Killian win, hmm. Perhaps Hugo isn't the only one rooting for Killian and Molly (Kolly? Millian? Earweasel?).

Ah well, it's worth it; at least it keeps the mystery alive for these two. Haha, when I read this I imagined Eeyore saying it in his melancholy voice, it was great. I like how Hugo is working so hard to keep it a surprise, and then he's the one who gets surprised! The banter between the friends and who is his best/smartest friend was so fun as well.

Teachers, do as you wish. I was glad to see the mention of the teachers and what they thought of this whole thing. It's too bad Dumbledore wasn't still alive, I feel like he would have enjoyed the whole challenge!

I was so shocked when James conjured the chess board! I swear my mouth dropped open a little, did not see that coming! I trust that there's some method to his madness, but Hugo is definitely justified in being peeved. Also, it's quite cool and seems very James-ish that he would turn the great hall into a chessboard rather than just play with an ordinary set. I liked too how Hugo and Killian were the only ones to realize that James let him win, and it shows how much Hugo cares about chess!

I'm glad Hugo called him out at the end, and the idea that he might have been the one to end the competition. It's great to see him standing up for himself and being so confident. I can't wait to see what he'll do instead! :D

Blackout Round 3 - 3/20

 Report Review

Review #22, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs Louis Weasley

13th March 2014:
Hello again! :)

A dance off! I love it. The enchanted suits of armour were great as well and I liked how Hugo deduced it was Louis as he's more poetic. I guess he got the artsy skills in the family.

The costumes the boys wore and how snazzy they were really made me laugh. I think this would be one of the funniest challenges to watch, if only for the comments of the girls who fancied Louis. I love how poor little Hugo was so innocent and disgusted as well by the girl's words - you do a really good job of changing up gender stereotypes in this story which I love.

It was great how Hugo had a moment of confidence when he overheard Molly and Killian talking, but then went right back to being worried. The poor kid. Hmm, I wonder what his plan is involving Hagrid as well!

You wrote the dance-off really well, I was slightly concerned for Kilian for a while! However, his sneakiness with the song choice and the fact that he dances with his sister (aw!) made me laugh. He's so clever, and I'm glad someone else called him out on being Slytherin-ish so I didn't have to. :P The song names were great as well.

Another hilarious chapter! :D

Blackout Round 3 - 2/20

 Report Review

Review #23, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs Fred Weasley

13th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Yay, I love reading this story and especially Hugo's inner monologue. Him and his friends are so funny together as well, I like how they know just how to maneuver secrets out of him, while his commitment to secrecy and self-preservation in not being killed by Teddy is funny as well. He's such an endearing character, and I love how he's good at chess! That's perfect for Ron's son, and I like how he has the epiphany of realizing it, and then is relieved for like 10 seconds, and then starts to worry about what will happen if he loses. Typical Hugo. :P

The duel was great! I thought you wrote it really well and the spells were quite creative. I'd love to have witnessed this duel as well, it seemed so exciting. And of course I was happy that Killian won! Hugo is quite cute in how he's starting to root for Killian since he's such a great boyfriend for Molly. Hmm, I wonder what will happen with their duel, and how hard Hugo will be trying to win...

There were many other details in here that I loved. The idea of Killian having to prove himself as a duelist because the whole family is brave made me laugh. And I liked how he and Molly entered like a king and queen, and how the rest of the school thinks the Weasleys are just crazy. :P

I loved this chapter! It was so funny and witty, as usual. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Blackout Round 3 - Review 1/20

 Report Review

Review #24, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs Lucy Weasley

9th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Right away: hahaha. Hugo actually kills me, I wish he was real so we could hang out and I'd laugh at his inner monologue all the time (in a nice way, of course!). His relationship with Romulus is quite entertaining. I also love how he just thinks Rose is insane and keeps making these little comments about her.

This actually makes so much sense, that Killian has to prove himself as a good eater. Molly the First would not stand for anything else! Haha, I loved the competition so much, and how Lucy is a girl who can eat despite her tiny size. I loved the moment when all the cousins said "yes she did" at the same time as well, it was such a Weasley solidarity moment though I feel a little bad for poor Molly. I really hope she and Killian like each other a lot and that the Weasleys don't actually scare him away. :P

Go Killian! Haha, Molly dd indeed play that very well. She almost seems like a Slytherin with all her sneakiness. :P Poor Molly, she should really realize by this point that all the Weasleys have to challenge him! I'm quite excited to see what Hugo comes up with as well, he's so small and timid and fretful about it, but I'm sure it will be epic.

Great chapter, I can't wait to see what happens next! :)

Author's Response: Hello again, I'm so happy you came back and that you like Hugo! He's just so much fun to write; I'd definitly be his friend as well!

Rose is his big sister, which automatically makes her weird. But he's a good boy and she's more of a wild child, so, a different speacie to him. And she chose Romulus.

The eating contest was one of the first ones I decided upon because it was just so fitting. Like you said, Molly the first wouldn't accept a picky eater at her table, she'd be offended.

I think you'll find that Killian really loves Molly; the first proof being that he came back after that first challenge and didn't just dump her!!

You'll have to wait for Hugo's turn, obviously, I had to make him one of the last ones but, fear not! The others have good ideas as well (at least I think so!) and you should be entertained, just as Killian is!

Thanks for such a great review and for coming


 Report Review

Review #25, by Lululuna Killian Earhart Vs Albus (Weasley) Potter

6th March 2014:
Hello! :) I was going to read the next chapter tonight anyway, but the battle gave me the perfect excuse! This story is so cute and funny, I love it! I've had "mollify the Captain" ringing in my head for the last few days and making me giggle. :P

I have to ask, how did you come up with the name Killian Earhart?!! It's so brilliant, and I love how it really suits Killian's character. He's just so calm and resigned and cool, in comparison to how crazy the Weasleys are.

Poor Hugo, I suspect he's going to be stressing about his confrontation for a long time! He's such a lovely character with his nervousness and his observations on his family and friends. He feels really real to me, I would totally be his buddy if he was real! :P Hugo's little comments, like "Kudos Al," are just so endearing.

I like the story of how Al and James became Beaters! It's so funny and fits really well with their clashing personalities in the Epilogue. That being said, I'm glad Killian won as I'm totally rooting for him and Molly! I officially ship them! It made me laugh when they realized that Killian was a beater as well - those silly schemers haven't been doing their homework!

Molly's fury is amazing, and I'm excited to see her reactions when each of the other challengers take the plate. Hugo's inner monologue, however, steals the spotlight throughout the whole story. I really giggled at the last two lines as well.

I feel like this is going to turn into my story that I come and read whenever I'm feeling a little down and need to read something fun and witty. I love it, and will hopefully be back for the next chapter soon! :)

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle, Round 2 - Review 3 of 15

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>