Reading Reviews for Meet the Muggles
  
58 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Six: Sleeping Pills

15th July 2012:
Hi there!

I am finally here with your review!

I really enjoyed this chapter. I thought you did a great job bringing out more of the conflict going on with Cassie. You really get a great sense of how she feels about it all when she is asleep on the plane.

I kind of see Logan as this more stuck up sort of guy with a soft side as well. He's that combination between popular boy and brains. I guess what I am trying to say is that he seems really arrogant. In a good way though because it helps show the conflicts.

The chapter as a whole flows really well. I never felt like it was rushed or lacked anything. I am really interested in seeing what happens when she meets Logan's family and how James is going to tie into all of this. What sort of chaos comes with James Potter has endless possibilities. I look forward to finding out what else is going to happen.

Keep up the awesome writing and request again please! =)

-SR17

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Review #2, by Dizzy73 Chapter Six: Sleeping Pills

2nd July 2012:
I love this story! I love how Logan distracting Cassie, I like Logan... but Cassie need to tell him the truth!

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Review #3, by charlottetrips Chapter One: Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies

21st June 2012:
That was actually so freaking enjoyable! I loved the style that you tackled the story on. I didn't spot any grammar or spelling errors (though I did think that the "gaydar" was a misspelling until I read further :P).

The only thing maybe I would work on is the description of the surroundings. You did pretty well on slipping in Cassie and Logan's appearances though! The dialogue and all the little interactions between characters was done pretty well!

Al was so cute in this in how he reacted and also decided to keep Cassie's secret :)

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Review #4, by FallenAmaranth Chapter Five: YOLO and All That

11th June 2012:
Although there is not loads to this chapter, it was really good, couldn't spot any mistakes :D
It's a brilliant story, I'm loving the plot, and you definitely have my attention.
It's also got me wondering, because of her memories and flashbacks that we see, what will happen when James Potter does in fact appear?
In essence it's a very good plot, and well written story and the character's are good. Although I don't know how Logan went from playboy to fiancee in just a few years, she must have put up an amazing fight for him to change.
I like Cassie's character, I get the feeling that she's running away from her relationship with James, but it's going to come crashing down on her eventually, and I can't wait to see what will happen then! :) Keep at it! -Amaranth

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Review #5, by FallenAmaranth Chapter Four: Daggers

11th June 2012:
Well, you've definitely got my interest - there is so much to find out!
Again there were just a few errors could do with just a brief read through but other than that, it's great.
Although they've been trying to board their plane for the last three chapters, I'm not bored. It's brilliant that it's not being rushed, and we get to find out more about her past AND her feelings/emotions.

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Review #6, by FallenAmaranth Chapter Three: Don't Tell Mum

10th June 2012:
I noticed a few spelling/grammar errors in this one, but they were most likely from editing and forgetting to change a few words, but otherwise it's really good.
This girl really needs to get her life sorted! But that's probably the best part, even once I've finished reviewing, I think I may continue reading xD

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Review #7, by FallenAmaranth Chapter Two: Slipping from my Fingers

10th June 2012:
Ooh, even more lies, it's getting rather interesting :D
The ending is great; I love the cliffhanger :P
And may I just say that Logan is a typical male - he always seems to be hungry ;)
A good thing which I do for flashbacks or memories is to put them into italic, which makes it easier for readers to determine which is past and which is present. Brilliant though!

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Review #8, by FallenAmaranth Chapter One: Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies

10th June 2012:
This is a brilliant first chapter :)
It's definitely well written, although perhaps a little more description could be used just to set a scene, so as to get a feel for the surroundings.
I like the plot, from the summary I wasn't aware that Logan didn't know that she was a witch either, but that makes it even better!
The meeting with Albus was good, I half expected it to be James, but I think it's better being Al.
What a cheeky cabbie!! Haha :P

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Review #9, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Chapter One: Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies

2nd June 2012:
Hello! I think you've got a good premise for a story here. Not only does Cassie have to manage the wizard-Muggle relationship, but she's also going to have to get into the British vs American thing soon, which should add more fun.

I like the way you immediately introduced us to the issue by bringing Cassie and Logan to King's Cross on the one day of the year it's absolutely flooded with witches and wizards. You also let us in on the James background, something that looks like it will keep coming back to bite Cassie in the butt, no matter where she is.

I hope to see some of Cassie's Ravenclaw side soon. I see far too many of the pretty, social, accident-prone girls in stories where some other traits are throw their way for the sake of it, then are completely forgotten about. She has potential, as does Logan, so it would be nice to exactly what makes her a Ravenclaw in future chapters. This is the first one, so it's not necessarily something I'd need to see here. But certainly later on.

Overall, nice job! You've started off well here.

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Review #10, by RosieQueen Chapter Five: YOLO and All That

2nd June 2012:
It's Rosie with your requested review! :) Sorry this took forever! :(

Good chapter! It included more depth into both characterization and Cassie and Logan's relationship. I liked that I found out how they first met and how their relationship started. I saw a different side to Logan in that flashback, and I think he matured a bit over the years because that flashback was three years prior to the actual story.

YOLO- very creative! It could even be someone's slogan. I tried guessing about what it meant but no luck! :(

I love the way you use dialogue- when I'm reading the dialogue it seems like I'm watching real people having a conversation. The use of dialogue tags is perfect in this story, and not many authors write dialogue correctly. So good job!

The only thing that confused me in this chapter was the flashback. I know flashbacks are tricky! Just writing "three years previous" doesn't really make the flashback clear enough. Maybe writing "flashback: three years prior" will make it easier for the reader to understand hat they're reading a flashback? And then near the end I wasn't completely sure if the flashback ended or not because there wasn't any indication. Maybe you could put "end flashback" at the end? I know that lots of people write flashbacks in italics but I wouldn't do that if I were you because then almost the entire chapter would be in italics!

Overall, a wonderful chapter. I think each chapter keeps getting better and better. Not a lot of people ship OC/OC but this one actually makes sense! Keep on writing!! :D

~Rosie

Author's Response: Hi, Rosie! I'm so sorry this reply has taken a while :P

I'm glad you liked this chapter! I really wanted the readers to see how it all started, so I'm happy you liked that.

YOLO means You Only Live Once (I mentioned it in the chapter); it's kind of like "Well, we only get one shot at this, so let's make the most of it." It's a popular saying with my friends and me ;)

I'm flattered that you enjoy my dialogue! When I write, I kind of zone out and imagine my characters coming to life; whatever they're saying in my head comes out in the story, haha. It's great to hear that I'm doing dialogue correctly :)

I'm still trying to calculate the timeline on this story (I'm trying to bring current events and the Harry Potter world together), but I'll definitely make the flashback clearer. No italics, though. Oh, geeze, that would be messy ;P

I'm so glad you're enjoying this! Thanks so much for the awesome review! I'll rerequest soon! :D


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Review #11, by DracoFerret11 Chapter Five: YOLO and All That

1st June 2012:
Hello there! It's me again!

Characterization: Well, I liked Cassie's flashback in this chapter. She's really quirky and I love that. It's refreshing to see a girl who will stand up for herself. Great job! And Logan was actually really sweet here! He was still a cocky jerk in the flashback, but it was almost endearing. And he really does love Cassie which makes me feel sorry for him. I have a distinct feeling that they aren't going to work out.

Descriptions: Hmm...I think I could see what was happening throughout this chapter, but it could have been helped along a bit, all the same. It's good as it is, but we can always improve, right? :]

Emotions: Well, I don't really know if I felt what I was supposed to in this chapter. I could tell that Cassie was exasperated in the flashback, but it wasn't too poignant. And I think there should ahve been more guilt when she thought of another thing she'd lied to Logan about.

Plot: I love that the story is moving along at such a great pace. The flashback almost made me fond of Logan, but the ending of the chapter sort of changed my mind about that. Why do guys always have to push girls to have sex with them? Gosh! And she and James already did, eh? I'm still wondering why she doesn't just go back to James when it's so obvious that this relationship with Logan isn't going to work out. Hmph.

Interactions: I liked how sassy Cassie was towards Logan in the flashback. She's strong and I love that. And he was baffled. That was good. It shows why he was so interested in her to begin with. And in the present-day, they're pretty cute together, but I still don't think it'll work.

You're doing a great job! You have a very unique and interesting story here and I hope you keep up the good work. Well done and feel free to return to the Review Thread when you've updated!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so sorry it's taken me forever to respond :P

I'm glad you liked the flashback! I love writing Cassie's quirkiness ;) I'm thrilled to hear you think it's refreshing to hear about a girl who will stand up for herself! :D (Especially to her fiance, you know?) Logan is a total sweetheart, and he does love her :) You'll just have to see whether that's enough for Cassie!

Oh, yes, descriptions :P I've been writing and trying to improve my descriptions, so I'll go back and edit these sometime soon! I must also fix the emotions in this chapter, too. I realize that Cassie was kind of indifferent to the fact that she lied to Logan for the first time.

I'm glad you like the pace! Guys are just...ugh. :/ Yup, Cassie and James already did it. I'll clear up your wondering soon, but for plot's sake, I'm going to drag out Cassie/Logan for a while, haha.

Haha, I love writing sassy Cassie. I'm glad you like it! Their relationship is built not only on lies but on this too, which I liked writing. A baffled Logan is a rare creature! ;)

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! I'll definitely rerequest :) You've left such awesome reviews! Thank you!


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Review #12, by DracoFerret11 Chapter Four: Daggers

31st May 2012:
Hey again! It's me.

Characterization: Well, I actually REALLY liked Cassie in this chapter. I think it's awesome that she's starting to realize what a mess her life has become. She's so far from a Mary-Sue. :] It makes me happy. Good job keeping her character consistent.

Descriptions: I think you could have covered details a little better in this chapter. For instance, was the bar where Cassie met Logan loud? Was it crowded? Smokey? Etc. And other things like that.

Emotions: I really liked when Cassie lost it in the bathroom. I feel awful that she's going through so much, especially on the tail-end of her breakup with James. Which I'm interested to hear the background of. Good job showing how overwhelmed she is.

Plot: I REALLY like how things are progressing. Logan's still clueless, which is sad, but I'm starting to think I want Cassie to end up with James. Yeah, she wanted to get away from her controlling family, but she ditched a great guy for it! And I'm wondering how she's going to reconcile that with herself.

I think you're covering your bases with this chapter. You're doing a really good job and you've definitely grasped my attention. I'll read the next chapter ASAP. Keep up the good work!

--Emily

Author's Response: You REALLY liked her in the chapter? Oh good! Your sweet comments on characterization made me smile! :D I'm so glad the characterization is going well, and yay to no Mary Sue!

Ugh, I know, I know...descriptions :P I'll get on that soon.

You like the bathroom scene? Oh yay! :) I'm glad all the emotions are good and that you're intrigued by her history. I'll be revealing the latter little by little.

It's great to hear that the story is progressing well! Like I keep telling my reviewers, you'll just have to wait and see what happens! ;)

I'm so happy this has captured your attention! Thanks so much for the lovely reviews!


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Review #13, by DracoFerret11 Chapter Three: Don't Tell Mum

30th May 2012:
Hello there! It's me again!

Characterization: I really like how nervous Cassie was in this chapter, and how much she lost it seeing her dad again. It has to be hard to be in a situation like that. I wonder why she and her family don't speak anymore...She's very good, though. Not a Mary-Sue at all. Yay!

Descriptions: I would have liked more about the surroundings, but the description of her dad was nice. Emotion-wise, I think you really captured what was going on. I really understood Cassie's feelings when faced with talking to her dad after so long. And I think you showed her feelings quite well.

Plot: Well, things are moving along. She NARROWLY dodged a bullet with her dad somehow working at the airport. That was a close one! I wonder how Logan will eventually find out her secret? And the flashbacks with James make me so sad! I feel bad that Cassie isn't with him, but since I don't know why they broke up, maybe it's for the better.

Interactions: Good moments between her dad and her. I think you balanced well between his anger at Cassie ignoring her family, and his sadness that he doesn't have much contact with his daughter. I hope she figures things out soon and treats her family right again!

You're doing well! I can't wait to read more. I'll do so ASAP.

--Emily

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that the characterization is good! :) You'll see why they don't talk anymore. Yay - not a Mary Sue! :D

I'm glad that the emotional descriptions were good, and I'll definitely work on describing her surroundings. Ugh, descriptions are not my strong point, haha.

Cassie got super lucky with her dad, didn't she? ;) You'll eventually find out why James and Cassie broke up, but I'm glad that the flashbacks are good! Logan will find out but just not yet!

I'm thrilled to hear that the interactions and emotions are good! :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review! It's great to hear that I'm doing well :)


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Review #14, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter One: Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies

28th May 2012:
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review. You wanted to know about the plot, characterization and just wanted an overall review on everything. Let's get started!

For your information I do a running review and then wrap everything up in the end. Hope that's alright with you.

Me, Cassie Quillton, pure blood extraordinaire.

^ I'm a little past this part right here but so far I don't understand what is so extraordinary about Cassie that she would call herself a 'pure blood extraordinaire.' Did she not date muggleborns in Hogwarts or socialize with them? I think adding a bit more to that would be good or just taking that part out.

But they love James Potter, too, my ex-boyfriend. They would use that as an opportunity to get us back together. Honestly, my family, the matchmakers.

^ Ah. Okay. So she used to date James Potter (II). You kind of jump from thought to thought very quickly. Try digging deeper into Cassie's emotions and giving us more descriptions of where she currently is. Right now we're just in her head and while her thoughts are interesting and her predicament is funny (for us) why does it matter right now at this moment?

Describe the flat for a moment. Or even Logan some more. It doesn't have to be a huge paragraph about his hair, his body or whatever. Just adding in the descriptions here and there would be good.

Okay. I know it was a short running review but there are a few things I want to point out and I don't want to be too repetitive.

I thought Cassie was a good character. OC's are hard to write because everyone is always looking out for the Mary-Sue qualities in them to tear them down. So far I didnít see any of those in Cassie.

I thought the chapter was funny and you seem like you have a funny story to build up on because she's going to be leading quite the double life if she really is going to marry this guy. I take it that he wouldn't respond well to her revelation of being a witch and I'm not sure if Cassie will be truly happy with Logan because it doesn't seem like she has integrated herself into muggle society.

I think my biggest critique is the description. It's lacking. You need to add in things about the scenery. Think about our senses. You need to engage the reader with more than just banter. You could have added a description about what Cassie saw along the ride in the cab or gone into more detail about Kings Cross or even a small paragraph on her memory about boarding the train when she sees the platform and then Albus. That's the biggest thing I think you have to work on.

Other than that I think the story is going to turn out really funny. Good luck and thank you for requesting! If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

- Deeds

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for reviewing!

Me, Cassie Quillton, pure blood extraordinaire.
^I meant for this line to be a little sarcastic, but I'll add on to that, since it is a tad misleading ;P

I agree; the beginning has a lot of fragments, and I will be cleaning it up and making the thoughts flow more smoothly. I also add some more descriptions because I do realize that they're definitely lacking. I'll be going into a revision period soon, and I'll keep your advice in mind! Thanks! :)

I'm glad you like Cassie and that she's not a Mary Sue! Phew! :)

I'm glad you think this story is funny :) Cassie is leading quite the double life, but everything going to explode eventually. Cassie and Logan's relationship is built on so many lies, but you'll just have to wait and see how it'll turn out!

Thanks so much for the helpful review! :D


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Review #15, by mrs_remus_john_lupin Chapter Five: YOLO and All That

28th May 2012:
Lovely chapter! I'm starting to really like Logan :)))

And its gonna be awkward when he finds out she obvs aint a virgin! ;)

mrs_remus_john_lupin (cant be bothered to log in)

Author's Response: Haha, logging in can be a pain, eh? Too much typing :P

I'm glad you're starting to like Logan! :D

Oh, yeah, be prepared for lots of awk moments between Cassie and Logan :/

Thanks so much for keeping up and R&R-ing! :D And thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #16, by DracoFerret11 Chapter Two: Slipping from my Fingers

27th May 2012:
Hi again. :]

Plot: WELL. Things are definitely picking up. I'm always so nervous while I read this! I feel like I'M the one with the secret. Oh dear. I'm very excited to see what happens next. You definitely have something eye-catching here. And what's this about James? Ooh laa laa. I'm sensing that she just might end up back with him. How...nice? Sad? I don't know.

Characterization: Well, I'm very happy that I'm not getting the Mary-Sue vibe from Cassie. That makes me very happy. And I'm jazzed about the way she has to do little things to keep her secret. I'm surprised she lied about her age, though! That seems like it'll cause a lot of trouble later. Can any relationship really thrive when it's built on so many lies?

Descriptions: Good job with describing the flashback. I really felt like I was there, and it made me wonder why Cassie and James broke up. Hm. You're doing quite well bringing readers into the story. I appreciate that. :]

Emotions: Well, as I mentioned before, I can DEFINITELY feel Cassie's nerves. For God's sake, I'M nervous! Wondeful job conveying that.

Interactions: I don't know how to feel about the Cassie/Logan relationship now. Last chapter I thought they were sweet, but now I don't know if I can really see them together. She's hiding so much from him! :/

Things are moving along nicely! :D I'm very excited to see what happens next. I'll read more soon!

--Emily

Author's Response: It's so flattering to hear how engaging this is! :D There's definitely going to be a lot of twists, especially with James ;)

Thank God Cassie's not a Mary Sue! Haha, you're jazzed about the little things to keep her secret? Never heard that one before, but thanks! :) Well, you'll just have to see if Cassie and Logan stay together!

Thanks so much for the nice comments on description! I'm glad you enjoyed the flashback :)

I'm so glad that the emotions are strong, and you're starting to question Cassie/Logan. It's all just leading up to a big explosion ;)

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I really appreciate all the nice things you had to say! :D


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Review #17, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Five: YOLO and All That

27th May 2012:
Hi there! Here again with another review!

I really like seeing how Cassie and Logan met. I think it is interesting to see how they started seeing one another because each couple has their own unique story behind how they met.

I thought it was kind of interesting that Logan didn't ask Cassie anything about the phone and why she looked uncomfortable with it rather than that she lived under a rock. This does give the story good progression though, because you see her with a cell phone in the begining.

I thought that you did a wonderful job on the descriptions and bringing the story to life. I could easily picture the story as I read it. It was balanced well with the flow (which was smooth) and the pace. I also really liked the dialogue and the way that the banter between Logan and Cassie comes so naturally.

Logan is really a typical guy in the end here. Cassie is a typical girl for her response which is nice because I don't want to see her make a choice that she might not be able to handle. She is quite the character and has so many unknown layers that it will be fun to see what evolves when you start to peel away at them.

Keep up the awesome writing! =)

-SR17

Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry everything's been so late with me; I've just been so busy :P

I'm glad you like the flashback as to how they met :) You're right: every couple has their own unique story, so I'm glad you like Cassie and Logan's!

Yeah, I definitely need to make Logan more observant. I've noticed he's quite oblivious to things - like the cell phone issue, for instance - so I'll definitely take another look at it. But I'm glad that it gives the story good progression - that's what I was going for :)

I'm glad you like the descriptions and dialogue! Personally, I think descriptions are my low-point, but thank Merlin I did all right in this chapter, haha :) It's also great to hear that the banter comes off as natural! (Woo!)

Yes - someone notices that Logan's a typical guy! I didn't want him to seem "too good to be true" or a total jerk face, so I thought that end bit would balance it out. So I'm happy that Logan's characterization is good :) I'm also thrilled to hear that Cassie's intriguing!

Thank you SO much for the lovely review! I'll re-request when I update! xxx


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Review #18, by DracoFerret11 Chapter One: Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies

26th May 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: Wel, this is going to get very hectic, very fast! Oh. Dear. XD I think you have a very funny story in the making. I wonder if Cassie loves Logan enough to stay together with him even though there's SO much working against it. Hmm. We'll see! I'm excited to see where you take this.

Characterization: I really like Cassie! As an OC, I'll be watching for Mary-Sue characteristics, but so far, so good. I feel so bad for her while she's trying to hide her secret and there's so much that could blow things up in her face. We'll see how she handles it. Right now, I think you have the perfect balance. And Logan is so sweet, but I already get the vibe that he wouldn't really take Cassie's secret well if it were to come out. Oh dear.

Descriptions: Hm. I think there was one paragraph where you really hit the mark with describing the characters, but I think your descriptions of setting could get amped up a bit. It'll help readers really feel like they're IN the story. What did things look like? But not only that, what did they sound like, smell like, etc.?

Emotions: Well, I definitely caught onto Cassie's nervousness and tension, as well as Logan's confusion towards the end. Good job! I can't wait to see what happens with her feelings as things get even MORE complicated. I don't know if I've ever read an OC/OC story, so I'll figure out how I feel about them. :]

Interactions: Very cute and believable moments between Cassie and Logan. And the cabbie was really funny! :] And I liked how quickly Al covered his tracks when he realized that Logan was a Muggle. Well done!

Pacing: We're moving along at a fine pace so far! I'm glad nothing is rushed. Keep up the good work! And the flow is working out nicely. I don't feel like it's jolting me right now. Good job. :]

I'll read the next chapter soon!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey, sorry my responses are taking forever! I've just been so busy lately! :P

Things are definitely going to go crazy soon ;) I'm so glad you like the plot! But you'll have to wait and see whether they stay together or not, haha.

Ahhh, yay, you like Cassie! I'm so relieved that she's not a Mary Sue :) Logan's...Logan. I can't say much because I might spit out a spoiler, but you're getting all the right vibes from him. I'm glad the characterization's good so far! It's great to hear that the balance is good. I just can't wait to just throw that balance way off and make everything explode ;D

Ooh, descriptions :P I think I know which paragraph you're talking about, so I'll try to make my chapters more descriptive like that one. But descriptions are seriously my low point; I've really got to work on them - ugh... But thanks for the pointers!

OC/OC is something new for me (other than in original works), so I'm glad it's intriguing. Aha, yes, I've hit the mark with emotions! Thanks :) Like I said before, things will definitely explode!

I'm happy that the interactions are great, too! Thank you! And, of course, the pace and flow is all nice and cool, which is great to hear :)

Thank you so much for such a thorough, sweet review! I'm going to definitely re-request when I update. But thanks SO much!


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Review #19, by Miss Muggle Chapter Five: YOLO and All That

23rd May 2012:
Oh, I just love Cassie and Logan! Here so cute :) I like how they don't get along well in the flashbacks, but I like seeing her slowly come around.

Logan is absolutely hilarious! He says the funniest most random things "Git? Sounds like a cowboy saying 'get.'" He laughs."Git. Get. Git. Get."" I want to see how the old flame gets back into the picture, but I hope Logan doesn't go anywhere. He's too funny :)

Author's Response: Ah, you ship Cassie/Logan? ;) They're totes adorbs. Hahaha, Cassie's getting there - slowly - in the flashbacks.

Oh my Godric, I love that line, too! I thought it while I was typing. I was pretending to have a British accent in my head and I was like, "Git...get. OMG BRITISH AND WESTERN SOUND THE SAME!" So I HAD to write it in ;) Logan's not going anywhere...for now. And the old flame will come around...perhaps. Hm...you'll just have to see!

Thanks for a sweet review! xxx


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Review #20, by draco_lover12 Chapter One: Lies Upon Lies Upon Lies

20th May 2012:
Here's your review from dracolover12 as requests.

I loved the opening; the flow everything and the opening chapter grabs your attention straight away. Cass (great name got a character called that, too) is fab and she makes you want to carry on reading.

Laura

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed the opening, flow, and characterization! Thanks! :)

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Review #21, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter Three: Don't Tell Mum

18th May 2012:
Alright so this was yet again another really good chapter.

The inovation of the magic detecting censor at the train station was brilliant. And your characterization of all of your characters was great. I found the way your writing Sophi, or Cassie, or Pia, or whatever you want to call her's family was interesting. They don't seem all that bad, and I haven't really picked up any pure blood mania. You have me very curious to see exactly why she is running away from them. Could it have something to do with James? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Your flow and pacing was also good. I think the way your putting bits and peices of James' relationship in the middle of each chapter is an interesting and effective way to do things. Its also building up your readers connection to both James and Logan which is good

I did see a spelling error here and there. For instince at one point you said "Skinner from Weight Watchers' " I would imagine that you meant Skinnier from Weight Watchers. (I changed the spelling of skinnier and got rid of the apostrophe after Watchers)

Other than that though this was very good. Keep up the good work and hope to see you around the review battle again soon :)

-Liz

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

I'm glad you really like the magic-detecting sensor! It's great to hear that I'm also doing a good job with characterization; I've been working on improving that so the work's paid off, haha. You're going to have to read on to find out the answer to those questions! ;)

I'm glad you like the flashbacks and the connection to James and Logan :)

Did I seriously spell skinnier as "skinner"? Gosh, that was a stupid mistake! D: I'll definitely fix those spelling mistakes! Thank you for pointing them out!

Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #22, by Moonyxluna Chapter Two: Slipping from my Fingers

18th May 2012:
Hi! Here with your requested review :) Sorry this took me a while to do.. I had it half way written and was planning on finishing it yesterday, but my job owns my soul sometimes.. I'm here now though!

The flashback was so adorable. It was nice to see a little bit of good times from James show up, and I think it was well placed. If you do go back and edit though, maybe put it in italics? I was kind of dumb so I missed the date you had written and was very confused for a second :p Italics would just make it a little clearer for unobservant people like me :)

Again, I really love her little sarcastic comments in her mind. I think they add a lot of humor to the peice.

With the second flashback, I think consistency in the formatting is needed. Either you should post a date like the first one, or make them both italics-- the line breaks put a very abrupt pause as I'm reading, and I think it disrupts the flow. I did love the flashback, though. It was a really cute moment with her parents where her dad wouldn't tell her mum that she was incorrectly dressed, just laughed about it behind her back.

One thing I need to commend you on is your writing of present tense-- usually it's something that drives me insane to read because the authors don't know how to do it properly, or everything just sounds forced. It took me a chapter and a half to even realize it, so brilliant work there!

I loved the description of Luna, and her kids- it fit her so well that out of anyone, she'd be the one that Logan would point out. I feel so unbelievably old though, because 'hipster' isn't a serotype I recognize from high school.. may or may not have had to look it up.. :p And Hogwarts being a school for birds made me smile :)

Uhoh, the ID. I really do like the way you write Cassie. With the little bumps like the attendant asking for identification it digs into her character to see how she reacts under stress. She defiantly feels like a real person, outright lying is a trait that a lot of people have, but it is frowned upon, so I see a lot of people stray away from it. It gives a great real/relatable sense to her character, and the story.

Ah, I must see what happens next! I'm very curious if it's her wand setting something off by magic or if it will just be 'change in the pockets worries her for nothing'. Do re-request dear! I really enjoyed this chapter, and how you are bringing out the plot and the characters. Keep up the good job!

Author's Response: I'm sorry it's taken forever to respond! I've been so busy lately D: School's taken my soul, too, haha.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the flashback! I like them, too :) I actually typed it out as italics at first, but then I thought that it would get annoying to read this chunk of the chapter in italics. It may just be me, though, so I'll try the italics! ;)

I love sarcasm (and writing it, too, haha), so it's great to hear you're enjoying it, too! Thanks!

Okay, I'll definitely put that second flashback in italics and keep the consistency! Thanks for pointing that out :) I'm happy you liked this flashback, too, though! You'll see a bit more of her parents in the future. (Not really a spoiler, promise.)

Thank you so much for your comment on my use of the present tense! It's actually easier for me to write that way (don't ask why). But that comment made me smile :D

I actually think I might've used the hipster stereotype incorrectly. I'm such a loser...and out of the loop. :P (Hipster is like knowing something's cool before it's cool. Ex: a band that suddenly rises to fame) I'm glad you liked Luna's description, though, and that the Hogwarts School for Birds joke made you smile ;) The latter is a little silly, don't you think?

Thanks! I'm flattered you like the way I write Cassie :D I'm so happy that you enjoy her characterization.

Hahaha, thank you SO much for the amazing review! I'll definitely re-request! :D xxx


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Review #23, by RosieQueen Chapter Four: Daggers

11th May 2012:
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)

This was a great chapter! The flow was wonderful, and I'm glad you added all those flashbacks. It added more depth to Cassie's character, which I think was needed.

I feel so sorry for Cassie right now. It's like she gave up James and her family just for Logan. If you're going to put Cassie with James eventually, you better do it in a way that doesn't break Logan's heart! I mean, Logan is a decent person, but I just don't think he's right for Cassie, you know what I mean? Anyway, I'm dying to know how their relationship works out! :D

I couldn't really find any major spelling, punctuation, or grammar mistakes, so good job! Keep up the good work! :)

~Rosie

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the flashbacks! :) Thank Godric Cassie's character depth issue thing is resolved (I hope?).

I feels so good to hear that you can sympathize with Cassie; it makes me think that I can actually write, haha ;) She didn't exactly give them up for Logan, it's more like she was scared away. I know that doesn't make sense now, but I'll explain in later chapters. I'm actually writing a bunch of Cassie/Logan stuff to add to their relationship, make them seem more compatible, haha. All relationship questions will be answered in future chapters so sit tight! ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! I'll re-request!


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Review #24, by mrs_remus_john_lupin Chapter Four: Daggers

11th May 2012:
oh no

im starting to get the idea now, even if it still is a bit unclear... great chapter :)

mrs_remus_john_lupin xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D I'll definitely clear it up in the next few chapters :) Thanks for R&R-ing!!

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Review #25, by mrs_remus_john_lupin Chapter Three: Don't Tell Mum

11th May 2012:
Lovely chapter

why is her mum grieving for her? :((

:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Ah, you'll find out all the little mysteries of Cassie's life soon enough ;)

Thanks for R&R-ing!


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