This was a great story! I loved that it was about Narcissa and Lucius. I've never read a story about them so this was a real treat! I loved the imagery of this story. It was so well done and described in such a way that appeals to the senses and to the mind.
You did a great job holding the attention of the story right from the first word straight to the end. I loved this story and it's beautiful vivid picture that it created. I loved the characters and the way that we see them in it. I also thought that you used the quote really well throughout. It wasn't lost at all.
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Thanks so much. It was a new perspective for me as well, and I'm glad you enjoyed my writing, I tried very hard to make this good.
Thank you very much for the review! Report Review
Ahh! I'm finally here to review your entry, and what a beautiful entry it was! I loved every bit of it. I honestly don't think I've ever read a Lucius/Narcissa that made me just fall in love with the characters, but here, you made me do just that.
Narcissa was beautifully articulate and eloquent, and that really showed your wonderful talent as a writer, and I actually pitied Lucius. I like that you wrote him crying; I believe that it's perfectly fine for a man every now and again to let his guard down, and now was most certainly one of those times. You really won my heart with this pair in this piece.
Everything was beautiful. Beautifully worded, and the flow was absolutely flawless. In particular, I loved the inclusion of the lilies at their wedding and then the addition that it was like a funeral. Somehow I can just see that.
This was such a brilliant piece, and really well done with incorporating the quote! You did marvellous, and I can't wait to read the other pieces to see where this one will place! You'll have to check back in the Challenge Section at a later date!
Great job! Thank you so much for participating. I'm so glad that you were able to contribute such a beautiful piece to my challenge.Author's Response: Hey, I'm glad you liked my entry :)
It took a long time to get Narcissa's narrative right, and I'm glad you empathised with them both, I really wanted readers to connect with my interpretation of Lucius and Narcissa.
Thanks so much for the review, and also for allowing me to put this piece into your challenge :) Report Review
This was such a sweet story. I really liked your portrayal of Lucius and Narcissa. I think the way you described Narcissa's feelings about Lucius 'making the wrong choices' was beautiful. The emotions really stood out in the narrative and I could connect well with the scenes. The plot was great and it flowed smoothly. I also loved that part where Narcissa's heart "experienced it's first crack". I think that was a wonderful choice of words and imagery.
Over all, this was a superb read! Good work!
~Recenseo~Author's Response: Thanks so much :D
This fic took a long time to write because I wanted to get the words exactly right. I'm glad you liked it, and that you connected with Narcissa's emotions.
Thanks for such a lovely review :) Report Review
I absolutely LOVED this! I had to take my headphones off to get rid of the Skype beeping because I wouldn't take my eyes off the words for a second to read what was being said! You had be entranced from the very beginning in a way that made me want to keep reading forever. It was like I wanted it to scroll for me because I didn't want to ruin the moment by making a noise.
Your characterizations were so unlike anything I have ever thought or read, but it just worked so perfectly!
At the beginning, when there were no people, just beautiful words, I kind of forgot what I was reading for a second, like it didn't matter to me if it was about HP or not, I just had to keep reading it! It was like being half-snatched from a dream when I started reading names!
In my head, when I read, I usually do it quite fast, but with this I just had to take my time, whilst eager to read more and more. It was like I had no option but to read it how it would be thought! I honestly can't wait to listen to this as a podcast because they usually bring out even more emotion and amazingness!
I always knew the Malfoys hated having Voldemort in their house, but this..this ..I don't even know how to explain it. It just gave it all a whole new side in such little space! The last line..I just..I wanted to cry! I wanted to just run and hug her and make everything bad disappear so that she could be with Lucius forever like she deserves!
Gah, I'm probably not making any sense right now, that messed with my head so much!
You did an amazing job and I loved it so much!!Author's Response: AMY!
I'm so so so so happy you liked this :) I wanted to put a new spin on why Lucius and Narcissa let Voldemort into their lives, and I'm glad that as a hardcore Gryffie, you sympathised with them!
You make perfect sense- but maybe that's because we're so similar. And also *shooes towards HPPC* yes! Podcast :)
Thank you so much for such a wonderful review xx Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your long-overdue review! Sorry it's taken me so long - our CR event has been eating up a lot of my time lately. ;)
On the whole, this was well-written and captivating. I thought that your prose was both beautiful and thought-provoking. I've sometimes found that fics that start out on an abstract level like this did sometimes have a tendency to feel generic or overdone, but the detail you put into it made this story stand out. I really got a sense of Narcissa's turmoil and pain when you started talking about all the ways in which dying of a "broken heart" isn't romantic at all. You turned it ugly, and that set the tone of the fic in a way that allowed you to seamlessly segue into their wedding.
I loved the mention of the flowers in their wedding. It was a nice little detail - especially the fact that Lucius has a favourite flower and that surprising Narcissa - that helped give this fic a little more depth. I also liked the link Narcissa drew between the white lilies and funerals - it was a nice analogy, given the overall tone of the piece.
I also liked the way you characterised both Narcissa and Lucius. I've read a lot of fics that portray them as cold, even toward each other, and Lucius is often unfaithful or standoffish. Some of those can be quite good, but I've personally always favoured your interpretation - I think that there was a lot of love in their relationship, and that while he wasn't a particularly nice person, he probably was a very good husband. I felt you portrayed him as such without whitewashing him, and for me, at least, that made this fic very believable.
That said, there were a few things I think you could have to improve it.
As I said, I thought that Lucius was very well done. However, I did feel like there was a little something missing from Narcissa. I didn't really get a sense of what her opinion was about Lucius's choices or why she thought that he'd chosen the wrong side, especially since she seemed to have doubts when they got married. I'm not saying that I wanted you to get into details about blood status - in fact, I think that doing so would probably be a mistake - but I did want to get a better sense of who she was and how she felt.
Additionally, while I liked the narrative in the beginning a lot and thought that it was beautiful, I also felt like it took a little too long to get to the point where Narcissa starts talking about her husband choosing the wrong side. I think that if you'd either cut some of it out or integrated some details about Narcissa and her situation into it, it would have worked much better.
On the whole, though, this was a very strong piece, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. :)Author's Response: Hello! And gosh, I know! It's all happening in the CR :D
I'm glad you liked the start- I was trying to give it humour as well as making it feel sad. The flower/funeral analogy wasn't very subtle, was it? :P I wrote the flowers in because I previously didn't realise that narcissi were flowers, so I wanted to link in my new-found discovery.
I portrayed Lucius and Narcissa the way I always characterized them in my head, so I'm happy you agreed with that - I never felt they were bad people, they just made a lot of wrong choices, and they never gave us any indication that they weren't happy together.
Looking back, I wholeheartedly agree- Narcissa's own point of view isn't very well developed. I specifically made sure I didn't go into blood status- I wasn't sure how I wanted Narcissa's views on that, so I just didn't touch it at all, but I see that Narcissa's character could do with some developing. Also, the start- I can see how it is a little long. I tend to ramble :) I'll work on those points, thanks.
Thank you very much for such a great review! Report Review
Wow. That was absolutely beautiful. Your descriptions were phenomenal and I loved being able to listen along with the podcast. Great job!
~SLyAuthor's Response: Thanks, I'm very glad you like it, and the podcast- Giola was amazing, wasn't she?
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
OH MY GOSH. This is one of the best stories I have ever read, Giola did an awesome job reading your story, it added a lot more dimension into it and it really made your story come to life.
I rarely read Lucius/Narcissa, but I have to admit this is probably the best I have ever read ever since I came here to HPFF. I really like the way you did Lucius so much justice, often he is just forgotten and authors would focus on Narcissa. This is such a beautiful piece of writing. You should write more Lucius/Narcissa, I will love you forever and ever if you do :P
CloakAuror9Author's Response: Hey! Thanks *blushes*
I haven't thought about doing any more Lucius/Narcissa, but I am now! :D hm :)
Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked the story :D Report Review
I first heard this story listening to HPPC, and I have to say, even when I was half concentrating on something else, your story was gorgeous and captured me straight away. I particularly love the beginning, this quote in particular: ' It belongs in a Shakespearean romance, or a Jacobean tragedy, or lurking between the pages of a Gothic thriller'.
You have such rhythm, and every word feels fitting. And I love Safe and Sound, so there's an added bonus. I just love it!Author's Response: Hey, I'm glad you liked it! And enough to come read it, thanks a lot :D
Safe and Sound is an amazing song :)
Thanks very much for both your reviews (on HPPC and here) they are very much appreciated and loved! :D Report Review
I've read a lot of stories where Lucius/Narcissa aren't madly in love, that Narcissa is only with Lucius because her parents made her or because of money or whatever, that Lucius is an abusive, heartless husband/father. I, myself, have even portrayed Lucius as a heartless man, so it's really, really refreshing to see this loving, sensitive side of Lucius.
The descriptions were great, the vocabulary used was amazing. It's all just.. gorgeous writing!!
Excellent job!! :D
[10/10]Author's Response: Thanks! I wrote this this particular way because that was how I always thought the Malfoys were- self-centred and on the wrong side. I don't think Lucius was born heartless, anyway!
I'm very glad you liked it, thanks so much for the review :D Report Review
AWW! (That is one thing I never thought I would say about the Malfoys, so your writing never ceases to amaze me.)
THAT. WAS. SO. SAD.
I am going to die of the brilliance of this.
Poor Narcissa, poor Lucius.
Really, you are amazing.
-Kerryn xxAuthor's Response: :D
So happy you liked it. :) Please don't die though, we have our baby to think of! :O
Thanks so much. Your reviews make me incredibly happy! :D Report Review
Wow this is beautiful!
I love the lucius/Narcissa ship in general but when put with that quote for the challenge I loved it even more! I think you've portrayed this really well with the idea of politics which hints at the dark lord being interwined with their lives already!
The way Lucius apologises makes me think that he does care for her and it just shows thier perfect relationship! Well done!Author's Response: Thanks *blushes*
If you've heard the rest of the song, I do think it goes pretty well for my piece, although I tried to make it as true as possible to the quote I was given :)
I'm glad you liked the story, thanks very much for the review :D Report Review
This is so beautiful and heartbreaking. I felt like I was Narcissa so much and I was in so much pain just like her. I've never imagined their relationship like that or even paid much attention to it to be quite honest but this... I just loved it. Beautifully written and just amazing. :D
MM :) xxAuthor's Response: Hey!
You liked it! Yay! (after my oh-so-subtle comment :D)
I'm very glad you emphasized with Narcissa, and that it made you think differently! (because I'm deep like that).
Thanks very much for the review :D Report Review
I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get to your review for second place in my challenge! I feel awful! I am planning to get them all done by the end of the weekend at the latest!
Now, on to this lovely piece! This was beautifully written! Your details and descriptions were amazing and I felt as if I were there with her. I never thought of the state of the world when Lucius and Narcissa got married, and the possibility that Lucius only joined Voldemort to for safety reasons. It makes sense, though I'm not sure if I want to believe that Lucius isn't all that bad after all. Haha.
Usually a fic with a lack of dialogue drags for me. I have difficulty reading everything and I usually skim, but that was the absolute last thing I wanted to do with this piece! I wanted to devour every bit and for it to continue on forever. Great job!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Don't worry about it- RL can be evil sometimes :D
I'm glad you like it, and that you really identified with Narcissa :) It was a challenge to write, but I'm glad it came through.
I personally believe that Lucius and Narcissa were entirely bent on self-preservation when they joined the Death Eaters. If they thought the Order would win, then I'm sure they would have squashed any blood-purity ideals they had and would have joined the Order. I wanted to reflect that in this- hopefully by making Lucius seem pretty spineless and reflecting Narcissa's doubt in his choice.
Lack of dialouge usually makes me want to vom too, so I paragraphed loads to make it all broken up and not one massive chunk of text! Glad you liked the way it read :)
Thanks for such a lovely review :D Report Review
This is stunningly beautiful. There's so much raw emotion; I found myself tearing up alongside Cissy.
You capture Lucius and Cissy in a compelling way. It feels true, and really makes me want to read more. The beginnings of their struggle as servant to the Dark Lord are set up wonderfully. I would love to see what you would do if you expanded this :)
Del<3Author's Response: Thank you very much :D
I'm glad you like it, and that you liked the way I portrayed Narcissa. I always felt that they just chose the side they thought would win the war.
I might expand it... it's very tempting. I think it would be hard though.
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
'There is always something tethering you to life, a flimsy string attached to a balloon that is straining in the wind to get away.'
Beautiful writing, how did you get so good?
A great one-shot. I love the way you write.
Tee-hee Janners in for it now!
Luv from Bruce.Author's Response: I get good (terrible grammar) by reading fabulous, thought-provoking stuff like *cough* Hermione and Robbie *cough*
Thank you so much :D I'm glad you like it, and OY. BRUCE! Play nicely. :) Report Review
I liked this one shot.
Im my opinion you seem to show the fact that Lucius and Narc never really wanted to join the dark side. Lucius just made the wrong decision that nearly cost the family their lives.
In a way (well in the last 3 films anyway) I could see the regret creeping into Lucius by the way he looked and acted.
Yes I think you've caught the Romance between the two perfectly.
10/10.Author's Response: That is exactly what I was trying to show- I'm glad you got that through. I think the Malfoy's were all about self-preservation. They might not have agreed with what was going on with Voldy, but they supported him because it meant they were safe. In a way, I think that makes them worse than Bellatrix, who believed in what she fought for. Their self-centredness made them switch sides throughout the series- Voldemort knew what they were up to, and Narcissa, I think, proves it when she doesn't tell Voldemort that Harry was alive.
Thank you very much for the review :D It means a lot that you keep reading my work xx Report Review
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