18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by obilviate14 The Gift

17th January 2013:
This is my favourite story! I love it!

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

-SR17


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Review #2, by Siriusly Love Sirius The Gift

10th December 2012:
That was BRILLIANT! I had tears welling up in my eyes as it got towards the end as it is such a beautiful story. Very good job and so well written, it flowed really nicely, making for a very enjoyable read. Love it (especially the part where Ron said 'You name your necklaces?'. I just had to laugh at his dumbness :D)

Well done, and good luck!

~Siriusly (from the surprise gift challenge)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for creating a wonderful challenge!! I am glad that you enjoyed the story!! Hahaha Yeah, that Ron. He's something else. ;)

Thanks again!
-SR17


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Review #3, by Veritaserum_Girl The Gift

9th October 2012:
Hey, it's Veritaserum girl; from the thread

I think that this is a really good one-shot. I think that the present that Ron got for Hermione was really sweet. I also really love how the necklace had a role in giving Rose her name.

I also love how Hermione is, because I think that you did a good job on her character.

I really like this. (:

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked the story and the relationship between Ron and Hermione. It took me quite awhile to work out her characterization, so I am glad that it came out so well.

Thanks!
-SR17


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Review #4, by angel_speaks The Gift

15th July 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!
So sorry that it took me this long to fill this.

I like this story! It's really cute and it gave me this warm feeling inside as I read through it. I think the only thing about this was that there were a few scenes that moved on really quick. I felt like there was some emphasis on some parts while the others were rushed. Good job though! There were only a few grammatical errors which was good!

Happy Writing!

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Review #5, by Ginger Lust The Gift

4th July 2012:
Hi. I loved this story. I think you did a good job with the charaters. I love reading about Ron and Hermione being happy. Your story made me 'warm and fuzzy'! :-) Keep up the good work.

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Review #6, by HPluvergirl The Gift

1st June 2012:
OMG! LOVE IT! COULDN'T STOP SMILING THE WHOLE TIME!

Author's Response: Awe! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you loved it!

-SR17


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Review #7, by Expelliarmus26 The Gift

7th May 2012:
Very cute. I always love a Ron/Hermione story!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked it! =)

-SR17


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Review #8, by Broken Butterfly The Gift

3rd May 2012:
Hi Scorpiusrose17,
I like the story overall, its unique. I really like how you started the story with the day the child was conceived and then immediately moved into the nine months later, delivery of the child. I also like how you didn't over exaggerate the scenes by over loading with two much imagery, but used just the right amount of description. For your ability to do that alone really captured my attention and my interest to keep me on the "I like This" path of reading. So For that alone i'm rating this at an 8/10. You had mentioned that you already are aware og spelling and grammar errors, there are a few but I won't dwell on that. What I think could use some redefining is the pace of the story. Some scenes seem to move a little quick and there isn't a lot of conversation from Ron and Hermione as a couple. I get a feel from the way it is being written that they have a semi-dull marriage where they have a normal routine (As you mentioned) and they don't stray from that routine often. I don't know if you intend for this dramatic emotion of dullness in their marriage to occur or not. Rest assured that either way it doesn't take away from your story at all. Possibly it adds to it by giving your readers something to really think about. I really like the plot and the flow of the sentences, you used a good vocabulary when writing this and it isn't confusing to read at all. This is a very thoughtful and well written work.
I hope that my review is able to answer your own questions about your story.
Broken Butterfly

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked the story and that my description was good and not overwhelming.I usually have a tendency to either over do it or down play it too much.

I don't think I intended for their marriage to seem semi dull, maybe more like that day in itself because they are newly weds and things are still a bit crazy. Besides Hermione would be all over making sure that everything is more uniform. I am glad to know that it sort of adds to the story and makes the readers think.

I am also very happy to hear that my sentences and vocab don't confuse you. I usually have trouble with that too.

Again thank you so much for reading and reviewing it was very helpful and insightful!

Thanks!!! =)

-SR17


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Review #9, by ewsoucf7 The Gift

24th April 2012:
I actually saw this challenge, and was going to enter it myself...but I didn't in the end.

I think you did a great job at including the gemstone and it's meaning. I think it was very realistic that Ron would recall what the woman had told him instead of searching for it himself, so very well done for that.

Your characters are very realistic and I don't think any of them are too OOC, though I feel as though Ron would have panicked a little more than he did. I loved Hermione in it though, screaming at him. I can imagine her doing that.

I think the flow of writing was brilliant. It was very easy and very enjoyable to read. I would have loved to have seen more chapters too, though understandably it would have been difficult to incorporate the necklace into future chapters.

I think the way you have written the story is brilliant too. The idea itself is a very sweet idea, but I think it's made sweeter by the way you've written it, especially that you included Hermione wearing the necklace while she have birth, and that was the reason that they named their daughter. I think those extra little quirks make the story very unique and very squishy!

Cannot wait to read more of your work, of which I am already a fan! Feel free to pop by and request a review from the thread or PM me. =]

Author's Response: Hi there!

Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am so glad that you enjoyed this! I was sad to find out that the challenge was closed.

I am glad to know that the gemstone worked well. I am also glad that the characters stayed true to themselves. I loved writing Hermione. That bossy attitude was so much fun to write because one minute she can be calm and sensible and the next she is the complete opposite.

Yay! I did well with the flow! I was worried that it maybe weird in the way that I wrote their love scene, but I went with the less is more rule and wasn't quite sure how it would transition between that and the nine months later. You have calmed my worries about this!

I have actually thought about ways to write other stories with the same necklace as a sequal, but if I do that it will have to wait until I am caught up on my three WIPS.

I really don't know what to say in response to this lovely compliment. I am so very happy that you thought that I did such a brillinat job with this. This has made my day!! =)

I am so happy that you're a fan of my writing!I will definitely request more reviews from you!! You've given me such much welcome insight!

-SR17


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Review #10, by watchoutfornargles The Gift

21st April 2012:
This was very well written :) I liked the description and the whole plot of it all. I was like WAIT so their daughter's named Ruby? What about Rose? But then I was like oh... :) Haha I love Ron. "You name your necklaces?" Great read :D

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you liked it. I really put a lot of effort into the description into this story so I am glad that showed.

I thought about naming her Ruby, but I thought it might of been a little too much between the necklace and the name. So I am thankful they named their daughter Rose because it really helped! =) I know Ron is such a goof ball even in the serious moments. hahahaha it sounded like a Ron thing to say. =D

-SR17


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Review #11, by EverDiggory The Gift

15th April 2012:
Akfbeic eidnfhwn?:$:)nezixuaneoc

That's my brain after this. This. Is. So. Freaking. Adorable. I love it so much! I'm more into dramione than I am Ronmione, but after this, I really could use a heavy dosage of it! Ronmione, that is.

There were a few errors, but nothing big.

As always, I love the way you write! It's so fantastic! I really admire you for being able to write this story so amazingly well!

I was only a bit confused when Ron left then came back? I was like...? What? Did he forget her?

Maybe I'm just overlooking it..but I don't know:P

Wonderful read! I loved it!

xoxo

Ever

Author's Response: I am glad that you loved it! I was curious how you would respond to it since I know you mostly write Dramiones. That is why I asked if there was anything that you wouldn't like to read. =)

I am glad that this has made you want to read more Ron & Hermione stories.

Thank you so much for the compliments. Thank you also for mentioning that I had the errors in there. I missed those when editing...I will make sure that I change those as soon as the queue isn't long. I don't want to overwhelm it right now. =)

Ron left without Hermione because he is a big goof ball who is so flustered about getting to the hospital that he forgot why he was going there in the first place. ;) I just thought it seemed very Ron.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

-SR17



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Review #12, by magnolia_magic The Gift

4th April 2012:
Hi! Maggie here with your review!

This is just precious! I love reading fluff, and this one-shot has everything fluff-lovers like me look for: romance, humor, and adorable children :)

Here's how I'll break this review down: I'm going to tell you my thoughts on the first scene first, and then I'll move on to the second one.

Scene 1:
Your first paragraph is great. The description of the house is just so warm and charming, and it definitely invited me to read further. Actually, I think description is definitely your strongest point in this fic (and I also remember being impressed with it in Unknown Hero.) You give so many vivid details and your imagery is crystal-clear. I love the "cheerful" fire and the "decorations on the tree alive like dancing jewels". That second example is my favorite line of description in this entire story--it's just beautiful!

While your dialogue gets the messages across, I think you've got some room for improvement there. There were a few places where I thought the dialogue seemed a bit stiff, especially in Ron's case. The line, "I'll just take the goblets in along with the bottle of Oak-matured Mead that I picked out" is the most striking example of this--it just seems too formal for Ron.

That said, I do like the fact that Ron doesn't give a huge, emotional speech when he gives Hermione the necklace. You keep it touching yet short and to the point, which seems just like Ron :) And I felt the same way about the love scene...I like that you kept that part somewhat understated. I think it's well done.

Scene 2:
Okay, first thought: "The boot of the car"? Is that a British thing? Because I read that and was totally confused. I'm from America, and I've never heard any part of a car called a "boot." I'll be interested to hear what that sentence means :)

There are several plot elements that I love in this scene! I cracked up laughing when Ron drove off without Hermione, and during the waiting room scene. I can just imagine being one of those people applauding in the waiting room when Hermione has her outburst :)

Speaking of Hermione, I love her bossy attitude. Even in extreme pain, she's still arguing with Ron. The part where he asks why she wanted to drive to the hospital...her response shows just how much she loves to be right ALL the time. It's so her, and I just loved it :)

Right after the healer says "Keep close", Ron just up and leaves the room? I saw that some other reviewers commented on this, and it struck me as a little wierd as well. I feel like a husband in that situation would be really careful to follow the doctor's orders to a T.

Apart from that, though, I think you capture Ron much better in this scene than in the first. He's completely flustered, blushing, scampering to get things right and messing them up in the process...it's just so Ron. I love when he looks at Hermione and goes, "You name your necklaces?" It's just like him to say something like that in the middle of a touching moment.

As for the gemstone, I think you do a good job incorporating it into the story. I love the part where Ron gives the necklace to Hermione (so sweet!) and having it as the inspiration for Rose's name is a great touch.

Thanks for requesting! I really enjoyed this story--it definitely brought a smile to my face :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you enjoyed it and it brought a smile to your face.

I am super happy to hear that you liked my description its been something that I have been working on the most when I write. I had to think a lot about how to describe Christmas orniments in a life like way, so I am glad that you loved that line because it was my favorite one too.

Obviously I need to work a little more on my dialogue too which is okay because it gives me another area to improve on. I think that the reason why the dialogue with Ron is a bit awkward is because I was trying to get him to be secretive, but obviously I didn't need to. I will have to change that.

I worked really hard at getting Ron to explain the necklace to Hermione and their love scene just right. I didn't want to go over the top because I thought they were both subtle enough characters where I could get my point across, yet still make it interesting as well.

Sorry for the confusion. Yes, it's a British thing. The boot of a car is actually the trunk. The hood is also referred to as a bonnet. I guess my British intermingled with my writing there. =)

I kept thinking about how Ron was looking for Hermione's bag and what I could do that sounded like Ron. When it popped into my head to have him leave because he is so flustered I just had to do it. I am glad that it worked out. I really felt for poor Hermione and her patience was already thinning with having to deal with an overwhelmed Ron, so I thought that she should take it out on the attendant. I had to show her bossy demenor and her having to be right attitude in there. So I am happy that those shined through.

This was a hard part for me to decide on what to do. Do I leave Ron in the room with Hermione and have her go all crazy or do I exit Ron to check on the family? When the Healer says to keep close I think Ron by this point is so use to doing the opposite that he just has to get out of the room. That is why I did that. I wanted to incoorporate the family as a whole as well and Hermione wasn't going to get out of the bed. ;)

Leave it to Ron to take a serious moment and make it funny/memorable. I don't really know why I thought of that line "you name your necklaces?" But like you said it's just so Ron.

I am glad that you felt that I incoorporated the Gemstone well. That was my biggest fear going into this challenge. How I was going to use it and make sure that I didn't over use it.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you enjoyed the story. You have helped calm my fears and you've made my day. I will be making some changes to this in the near future.

Thanks!

-SR17


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Review #13, by HappyMollyWeasley The Gift

2nd April 2012:
This is a sweet story! I like fluff very much! :-) You did a great job with Ron's and Hermione's characters. They are just the way they should be! Ron is very cute both at Christmas with his surprises for Hermione, and as a father-to-be.

You have written a quite believable description of their childbirth too. The only thing that bothers me (and that bothers me a lot, really!) is that Ron leaves Hermione twice: to send that patronus, and to check on the family. I think that's unlikely to happen. There's really not any need for them to sit in the waiting room (for hours?). I don't know anybody in real life who has their family waiting in the hospital while giving birth...

Your explanation of the name "Rose" is both sweet and unusual.

All in all I think that you did a good job with this fic, and I liked reading it.

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Review #14, by ScarletEye158 The Gift

25th March 2012:
Aw this was so cute! I love Ron/Hermione stories!

Keep writing, i love your style :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked it! =)

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Review #15, by Miriel The Gift

25th March 2012:
Ah.That was so cute! I think you use your gemstone very well! YOu put in everything, from the meaning of the ruby to Hermione's reaction and the naming of the baby...It was perfect!

I loved the way you described Ron's behaviour during the delivery...Walking in and out of the room and so on was a typical thing to do for a man. :) The attendan at the reception was a very nice add, too.

There's something I missed, though. Why didn't Ron inform Hermione's parents, too? That would be a nice add, maybe, because I don't see a reason why he shouldn't and it seems a natural thing for me to do.

Anyway,I think you did very well here! Good luck for the challenge!

Love,
Miriel

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked it. I am glad to hear that I used the gemstone well and it wasn't too subtle.

I figured I had to give Ron his moments. =)

Oh, they were included in the sea of red, black and blonde haired people that swarmed him. When Ron sent the Patronus to his parents to tell everyone, Arthur was the one to contact Mr. and Mrs. Granger. I should probably have put in the end when the Weasley Potter clan come in the Granger name in there. I will have to change that.

Thanks for the luck and compliments. I hope it does well in the challenge we shall see.

Thanks again,
-SR17


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Review #16, by Avanell 2 The Gift

25th March 2012:
Very cute...loved the present and how it inspired a name like Rose and not Ruby :D

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked it.

I really couldn't bring myself to name her Ruby it just had to be Rose. =)

Thanks!

-SR17


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Review #17, by charlottetrips The Gift

24th March 2012:
Hello again, dear. I’m here with your requested review!

Just as a perfectionist point: The Christmas I'll never forget  - each word in the title should be capitalized. Also, I feel like your summary gives away too much of the story. It’s a one-shot and a light one at that so maybe it could be as simple as “After deciding to spend their first Christmas alone together, Ron surprises Hermione with a special gift.”

Since you said that you are already of your spelling and grammar areas, I won’t get into those so much here.

Your first paragraph is a lot for someone to take while reading on a computer screen. Perhaps you could break it at “Ron smiled to himself…”

Her cheeks [] a little flushed. - [were] (I know I said I wasn’t going to get into it but I can’t help my nitpicky self!)

You’ve set a very cheerful and warm scene with Ron being all fanciful about how his home looks like a gingerbread house and with the careful way you’ve described everything. I appreciate this because it brings the whole thing before me to watch as you play the rest of the story out.

When you have a character saying something and then putting “Ron said” or “Hermione stated”, there should be a comma rather than a period prior to closing the quotations.

as she began to plate their dinner onto the plates.  - maybe you don’t have to use “plate” twice?

Hermione’s thoughts and statements seem a bit formal, mainly because you aren’t using contractions such as “That is” instead of “That’s”

Ron blushing over this: "She also said that it can encourage passion and love to develop." is so Ron :)

[baited] breath - bated

ROFL. OMG, Ron leaving Hermione while he rushed to the hospital!! I love it!! And how the Healer has experience with irate pregnant women :)

I saw that you really did take the time with the details and helping to get the reader to see what was happening. I do have to say a little that I found the right/left turns describing a little too specific but otherwise, I appreciated that you described each scene for me.

Since that is when she was [produced.] - “conceived” seems to be more an appropriate word.

The Healer’s dry but entirely serious remarks were great! I loved the quips she gave.

The whole story was adorable. I totally though you were going to name their daughter “Ruby” and have this non-canon but then you segued it to Rose’s name and I was like “Yay!” I was left with a nice feeling in the end because of the happiness that everyone is experiencing in the story. While the story wasn’t about some dramatic thing, you told the story of a moment in their life and you did it very nicely.

xChar

Author's Response: Hey Char!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked it.

I'm sorry it's taken me this long to respond to your review, but I did read it before and I have already changed the Title and the Summary.

I was thinking the samething about the first paragraph, but I wasn't 100% sure when I wrote it.

Thank you for pointing out my grammar errors. I really appreciate it. I love writing, but I stink at grammar. I do plan on making some changes to the mistakes I made coming up soon.

I had a hard time thinking of something funny that I could do that seemed very "Ron" so when the idea came to mind to have him leave the laboring Hermione at home I just had to use it. I think it played into his unsureness that he has.

I am glad that you liked the Healer. I wanted her to be almost robot like with how many times she has helped deliver babies.

I just didn't have the heart to name her Ruby. I thought about it, but it had to be Rose. I thought it would have been a bit heavy on the gemstone if I did. I just figured that hey a Ruby is Red and Rose are too.

Thank you very much. This review has made my day especially after the tough week that I had. =)

-SR17


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Review #18, by bester_jester The Gift

20th March 2012:
Beautiful story! Very well written. Poor Ron, he had no idea how to deal with Hermione!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked it. Ron has always had been a bit clueless when it comes to Hermione and I wanted to show that in a funny sense. I am glad that it came across that way. =)

Thanks!

-SR17


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