Hello! I saw this one-shot, and it looked really interesting, so I decided to give it a shot, and I really loved it! You did a fantastic job with the characterization, and didn't overdo it at all, which made the writing that much more beautiful. I've never read a story similar to this, and think that it was really original! You did a wonderful job with this! 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Thank you for reading it! I'm really glad you found it that wonderful. Report Review
Just, this is so powerful.
It's beautiful.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you thought so. Report Review
I'm going to assume, due to the gorgeous banner and the mentions of being nothing but a monster in other's eyes, that these are the thought of one Bellatrix Lestrange formerly of Black.
Using this assumption I am going to applaud you on giving me some insight on her fragile and vulnerable thoughts. Her secrets from the world, how she feels about herself and her actions. It's quite a weird feeling and I'm almost sympathizing with her.
I, well I don't hate her anymore, I do still feel a strong dislike towards her actions. There, I said it, I don't like what she did, and in my opinion her personality has nothing to do with it now. Well that's not entirely true, (cut-out a VERY LONG ramble about personality and their effect on actions, Spencer Reid style)
Then there's another plot twist, if a short one-shot like this can have something that can be called a plot, "James". I was definitely not expecting something like that, not even close to it.
Now, I'm done applauding your brilliant mind and ability with plot twists, as also seen in the one-shot about the Burrow being quiet, and continue on to your writing abilities.
Wow. The technique of a simple word, and then the definition of it in her mind reminded me strangely of a dictionary. The Bellatrix dictionary.
However, the last paragraph lead me more to a female version of Snape, secret feeling for one of the two Potters. Forever at unrest with themselves because of their lack of action.
Another thing, the phrase "Occlumency has been my only weapon at hiding them." confused me a little.
Did you mean; "Occlumency has been the only thing to hide them with." Not exactly that phrasing, but you get my meaning.
Or did you mean; "Occlumency has been my only weapon in the fight againt revealing the truth."
I know they don't differ much; or that they don't differ at all, but it was just a note I wanted to share. You don't have to do anything with it.
I just found another thing I am a bit confused about; "They pose questions I canít answer and unearth my greatest secrets." I think I understand what you are trying to say with this, however, the English language geek and something else inside me wanted to tell you that it is a bit confusing.
It would be a bit more understandable, if you said; "They pose questions I canít answer and THEY unearth my greatest secrets." Otherwise one might assume or think that; 'I can't answer and I unearth my greatest secrets.'
Not reprimanding you, just some critical evaluation and thought from a fellow author, and anyways that's what reviews are for aren't they?
P.s. Excuse any small spelling/grammar mistakes. I don't want to seem like a hypocrite. I have to go eat dinner, and therefore don't have time for three spell-checks and read-throughs.Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out confusing sentences. I wrote this at eleven one night and just uploaded it. I will put in your revised sentences as they make much more sense. Thank you for taking the time to read my stories! Your an excellent reviewer! Report Review
Love it! For it's simplicity but power. Great job.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
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