211 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Cannons The Informant

28th October 2014:
Hi, I am here with your promised review.

I thought this was an interesting start, it is always hit and miss with AU's for me so I was surprised to say that I enjoyed it. Despite the fact that there were quite a lot of things that had changed. It always takes a little while for me to get adjusted in AU but you held my attention for the full chapter and ended it with a magnificent cliff hanger!

So despite the fact that I will have to get my head around your new world, I really did enjoy this chapter.

There are so many things that I want to pick up on! I am excited by Devlin, there were two points in the chapter in which you indicated that he was powerful at such a young age. The first with Harry and then the second by refusing to scream when being tortured. Which is such a huge thing because as we know being tortured by Voldemort is no joke.

Add that to the fact that he seems to want to be able to impress Voldemort and the Death Eater mentioned that he actually managed to impress Voldemort. I am hoping that Voldemort actually takes Devlin under his wing and harness that incredible power he seems to posses. Seeing Harry come up against his own son would be so interesting. I know that sounds really crazy but it would be fascinating! Also as you mentioned he is only six, he seems well aware of his surroundings.

I am liking this Death Eater, he is not at all intimidated or shows and signs of being scared but there is something real about him. Unlike other Death Eaters he shows some emotion and regret almost where Devlin is concerned and he seems pretty paranoid about Voldemort as he wont say anything unless Harry proves himself to him. I am really intrigued to find out more about him.


The only thing I would say was the line break annoyed me, but that is pretty pedantic of me to mention I guess. :P

Anyway, this is a gripping first chapter.

:)

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Review #2, by BellaLestrange87 The Informant

25th October 2014:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap! I was going to read this story anyways and now seemed like a good time to start.

This is an amazing first chapter. The first thing I would like to say, before getting into the meat of my review, is that your writing sounds very professional and you could easily write OF. (I don't know if you do or not, but if you do, please continue. If you don't, please start.) I know this story is AU and I'm beginning to wonder how the AU-ness (I know it's not a word but it's the best I could come up with) affects the plot. I know that description was bad but mainly I was wondering who was alive, who was dead and what was changed (e.g. Battle of Hogwarts, Dumbledore's death). I'm going to guess we'll find out in later chapters.

First off, Devlin sounds very much like a 6 year old, as your author's note says he is. Just the way he describes things in his head - for example, "He hadn't known the word, but he had known what 'worth' and 'less' meant, and he had sensed when the man had put them both together he had meant something about Devlin wasn't 'good enough.'" Also, that desire to impress Voldemort, only to have it turn out wrong, horribly wrong, brilliantly written, from the POV of a 6 year old who thinks saying Voldemort's birth name will earn brownie points. I was extremely surprised when it turned out to be just a nightmare, and that he was safe, at home in his bed, with Harry. Of course, then I read down and saw that Harry was mad about someone taking his son, and realised he was not safe at all.

"The thought always proved to him, over and over again, how far he had traveled from innocence." Oh yes. Wonderful line. You can tell how exhausted Harry is from the war, and how he isn't the optimistic 11-year-old we meet in the first book.

"'My wand is against you neck,' Harry said, deadly, when the Death Eater dared to try and move away. Those blue and gold eyes, still unfocused and dazed, found his green." My wand is against your neck?

"'Tell me about that photo,' Harry commanded, his hands on either side of the chair, his body leaning forward, too close for the Death Eater to be comfortable. But uncomfortable or not, he didn't breath a word." He didn't breathe a word?

I don't think that Death Eater is any normal Death Eater. First of all, even though he is one of the ones left behind, and therefore weaker (according to Harry) he knows that Voldemort cannot love. As you noted in the story, this means he spends a lot of time with Voldemort. If he can manipulate Harry into getting a memory than he obviously is in the inner inner circle. Also, he seemed affected by the memory in a way that makes me think he isn't the psychopath most Death Eaters are portrayed as being.

"'You swear? Uncle Sirius said he was ready but then he fell down. You’re not gonna fall down, are you?'" This made me laugh. It sounds exactly like a six year old, straightforward to the point of being funny.

It sounds like Devlin in the memory had the upbringing (up until he was kidnapped) that Harry would've had if Voldemort hadn't killed Lily and James - Uncles Sirius and Remus, happy endings.

Wow. I didn't see that revelation coming at all. Of course, I like to think that a lot of stories have happy endings, but this isn't the ending, it's the first chapter. A very good first chapter, too.

I definitely enjoyed reading this, and if you ever want to review swap again, let me know!

~Olivia

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Review #3, by Roisin Only Blood

17th October 2014:
Hello!

So I reviewed the first chapter for our last swap, and yay, reading the second!

AND OH MAN WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER OF FEELS! Brainwashed children! Parental angst! Child being turned into a weapon, maybe? I mean, that's the first thing I can think of - because Voldy must have an endgame. Plus I can totally see that being a decision he'd make.

Your universe is so tightly plotted, and I can tell a huge amount of creative thought went into this. And I love the way you conceptualize magic, too.

And just, to say it again, FEELS. You've really stretched everything to do with love and family, and introduced so many moving parts. The ruminations are all fascinating!

Thank you for the swap!
xoxo
-Roisin

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! So sorry it's taken me a bit to get back to you!

My universe is intensely plotted to the point that I often have to research my own story! LOL. It never really slows down - although we climb a couple hills and you might sometimes mistake them for a calm. :)

Hope to see you around!


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Review #4, by maraudertimes Only Blood

17th October 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

Okay, so I read the first chapter a while ago but I'm glad to be back. Devlin is such a cutie, especially with the whole 'Lord' thing.

Okay, so the start was really cool, detailing how magical Harry is, and really shows how Geoffrey (and the rest of the werewolf kind) need to adapt to survive.

The fact that Geoffrey showed Harry and Alex the memories is scary. Imagine having to watch your child in the hands of Voldemort. Imagine now being scared that your child was actually dead after learning he was alive. And then when Geoffrey said that? I would've broken down.

This was a great chapter and thanks for the swap!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Yay, glad to see you back!! Thanks for the great review!

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Review #5, by Midnight spark The Informant

12th October 2014:
Hey, review swap!

Ooh... I have no idea why I didn't read this story before, it's amazing!

My favorite part was the memory-it made me smile so much. It was like the only ray of light in this dark story. So awesome truly saying. And my, what a cliffhanger? I can't wait to see what happens next! And the fact that Devlin refused to scream under the Cruciatus Curse reminded me of Harry. Who is this Alexandra, why is this happening,how will Devlin turn out? So many questions!

Author's Response: I have no idea either! ;-) Thank you for the awesome review. I hope to continue to see you around! :)

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Review #6, by pointless_proclamations The Informant

11th October 2014:
Dear GingeredTea,

This is exhilarating! I am in awe at how well you write. There was so much excitement. I could not manage to tear my eyes from your words from the first sentence to the last.

Speaking of the last sentence, I read it over so many times, I caught one tiny, very tiny thing: a missing apostrophe [hides behind couch and says in muffled voice: I still love this story].

You have an interesting way of characterising Harry that you made complete sense out of, especially after all that has happened to him.

And that scene with Devlin and the lilies was so pure and spectacular. I can see how Harry might think it's tainted after letting the Death Eater into it, but that Death Eater, though? Who is he? Even he seems to have a sort of background story to him that I am dying to know.

This is awesome.

Cheers,
Em

Author's Response: Wow, what a compliment!

I'm terrible at apostrophes! I'll make an effort to fix it. Thank you for pointing it out!

The Death Eater does indeed have a story! Everyone has a story in my story. LOL

Thank you for the review!


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Review #7, by Pixileanin The Day After Tomorrow

10th October 2014:
Hi! I'm back for another chapter of your wonderful story!

Dubhan seems very intent on keeping Emma safe, and I wonder what he thinks is going to happen to him. Several times, he thinks about what will become of her after he's gone. He's so fixated on that, like it's the inevitable future. I don't understand it, but then there's a lot that he hasn't revealed yet. I will try to be patient. I really enjoyed seeing him use his logic to reason through the ways he could make Emma happy, all the way to the point of convincing her mother to take her to the ball. That was so cute, and shows me that he has the capacity to care. But he's also angling hard to get his wand back too. I can't decide if Dubhan's actions are selfish or altruistic. I'd love to imagine that it's a little of both, and he's growing.

And poor Harry, knowing that one of the things he has in common with his son is scars from Voldemort.

"...quite frankly he wasn't sure how to deal with someone who he couldn't deal with that way."

That's right, Dubhan, you'll figure it out eventually. I can feel him struggling with the new rules of his life over and over again. You never let us forget that every moment of this is so hard for him, and he truly doesn't know what to do, or how to be like everyone else. It feels like all he really knows is that he should be like them.

So Dubhan is going to see the man that his grandfather is rumored to be afraid of. No wonder he's so nervous. Harry is so eager for this experience, but I'm now anxious about the whole idea of taking this boy to Hogwarts. I hope everything turns out alright.

I need to be back for more soon!

Author's Response: Devlin is clearly under the impression that Voldemort will return for him.

I think Devlin isn't quite sure about the motives behind his actions, either.

Hogwarts ends up being a very...interesting...experience. :)


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Review #8, by love_is_magic_ The Informant

6th October 2014:
Duh Duh Duh!!! What a cliff-hanger!

Wow, okay! So you did a really good job of catching my attention right away. The relationship between Devlin and Harry seemed fairly clear, but I clung on in the beginning to be sure he was Harry's son, then couldn't stop reading from there.

I'm very interested in the way you chose to write this story, so far from conventional canon. It adds a unique element and I can't wait to see where you go with it.

Also, this is certainly a different side of Harry, now isn't it? I suppose it makes sense in a way, though. It's not like we haven't seen him dark before (ahem ahem.. OotP), and I think that if anything would bring out that side of him, it would be the disappearance and supposed death of his son.

I absolutely adore the touch about the lilies, lets just say that certain tears were certainly brought to my eyes.

Well, I loved this! It's so different from other things I've read on here and I can't wait to see where it goes! You've certainly caught my attention :)

Christy x

Author's Response: Thank you for this awesome review!

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Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell Only Blood

5th October 2014:
Hey there! Penny here for the review swap! Sorry it took so long. I tried to read on my phone during my rehearsal breaks, but it was just not working. So, finally, here we are:

Whew! This was an eventful chapter.

So, right away, I like how full-throttle this scene seems. They do a lot of talking amongst themselves and arguing, and it would have been easy to drop the energy ball in a scene like this, but that never happens. I was always on the edge of my seat, waiting for another bit of information. That's great!

Also, the whole idea behind your plot is really interesting, and your execution is well-done. I can totally see Voldemort making Harry believe he has lost his child, while secretly raising him himself. As some sort of weapon, perhaps? Seems like the kind of sick emotional manipulation that would be right up his alley.

I also like how you've introduced Geoffrey. We get the idea that he is very aware, and quite manipulative. He also knows when he's being outmaneuvered. Clearly he's a clever guy. And, even though he's a Death Eater, he seems to have developed some affection for Devlin, or at least pity for the boy that Devlin once was. That mix of light and dark makes him a well-rounded, compelling character, so snaps to you for that!

Wait, wait, wait. Is Voldemort...Devlin's grandfather? Am I getting that right? Because that is supah-creepy. But the HP books tend to lend themselves to just those sorts of creepy twists. This escaped convict is actually your godfather! This evil overlord is actually your grandfather! I could see it. But then maybe that's not right? Because it says that Alexandra is a Muggleborn, so it would seem to rule that out. Unless Petunia and Lily's mom had a deep, dark secret that I'd rather not contemplate. So maybe I'm totally reading that wrong. Either way, I'm curious!

I like Alex. She seems like a strong person who can balance a cool head with a very strong love for her family. I'm definitely interested to hear more about her. And I liked the way you described Devlin's magic as feeling sort of like a mix between his father's and his mother's.

It also sounds like Devlin has been pretty brain-washed. I can't imagine what it would be like, if they actually do manage to get him back. How fascinating! You've created quite a predicament here. I wonder how/if they'll be able to navigate it.

The intensity was really good in this chapter, and I remained very interested by the story. So many questions!

***
CC:
Okay, I only had a couple questions in regard to content:

(1) "Did Voldemort simply leave the broken arm as well?"
--When Alexandra says this line, it kind of threw me. Just because, if she thought her son might be dead, it seemed odd that she would ask for confirmation on whether or not he was alive after she asked if Voldemort had Devlin's arm healed. Especially since Geoffrey notes that she strikes him as a particularly logical person, the priorities here seem a bit oddly numbered.


(2) "'And what are you to him?'
'He's Devlin's 'guard',' Harry answered..."

--immediately above this, Geoffrey introduces himself as Devlin's guard, so this conversation seemed a bit odd.

--
The rest of this is all little spelling and grammar details. I just figured it's a bit vague in a chapter as long as this to say, "There were some grammar mistakes," because that means, if you were to choose to fix them, you'd spend 5 million years combing through it. So I went ahead and wrote down what I noticed. Hope this helps!

-In these two sentences, you switch suddenly from past tense to present:

(1) Geoffrey was reminded of the boys own magic when he hasn't decide if he is furious or not. Potter's voice is demanding and intimidating...

(2) But he never will, so he sighed again.
His magic had one difference from the boys.
--"boys" is possessive, so it ought to be "boy's"


"So brutally honest - even to his enemies face."
--"enemies" should be "enemy's"

"Mortal danger, how informing!"
--I think it would be more correct to say "informative" rather than "informing"

"Voldemort was either incapable or to calculated to show the emotion."
--Instead of "to" it should be "too", and "calculating" might be better than "calculated". An action or a decision might be calculated, but a person is usually described as being calculating.

"It was rare that a grown werewolf desire to bite a child.
--"desire" should probably be "desired".

"You're a werwolf?" Black asked.
--werewolf is misspelled here.

"The boy would forgive him for treating Potter however he had too...
--"too" should be "to".

-These sentences have words with unnecessary apostrophes:

"because the tent door has opened and in it's frame was a small boy."

"Her parent's are muggles..."

"Devlin was on his knee's."

***

Overall, I think you've got a good second chapter here. I am definitely intrigued. You do a great job creating tension, and giving us hints, while still leaving us with so many questions! (So. Many. Questions.) I'm so curious about what Devlin's really like now? Can he even be saved?

Nice work! Thanks for the fun read, and the swap!

--Penny

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Review #10, by Gabriella Hunter The Day After Tomorrow

5th October 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review, the swap continues once again! I am back to the first novel of course since I already left you a review for the sequel and it feels weird, like I'm going back in time. Hahahaha.

So, Devlin made a few interesting milestones today that I found really great. I know that he's still having issues with being with Harry and his mother, who seems to have her own share of secrets herself, but I liked that he was able to be kinder to Emma here. There's something that worries me though, her life might be in danger and he might actually die before the novel is over and I'm on the edge of my seat. I do wonder though, why Alexandra isn't so happy about Harry going to that ball. Is it just because there's a lot of Ministry fuddy duddies there? I do wonder but that's to worry about later. Emma and Devlin's dancing of course was the cutest thing ever and I really adore how he's so confused and fascinated by her. Emma is everything that he was never allowed to be and I hope that their relationship continues to grow.

Ah, the thing with the scars. Harry has his own share of battle wounds and it was oddly something that Devlin was able to sympathize with and understand. I liked that they were able to have that talk but I'm not sure if he's ready to really reach out to his father, no matter if he's going to always be there. Hm...

Now, the name of that potion that was going to help Snape kind of had me nervous. The bold lettering didn't help either, I have this really sick feeling in the pit of my stomach! I did like that you kept Snape's disdain for Harry there and of course Devlin noticed, he notices everything.

I'm always surprised by how smoothly your flow is and how intricately detailed each character you create is. I really love that you have this here in this story, they're nothing at all like I've ever seen! :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #11, by Veritaserum27 Only Blood

4th October 2014:
Hello!

Here for the review swap! This chapter was so loaded with emotion, I really don't know where to start. I really like Alexandra's character. She seems tough and unafraid - I'm guessing she was a Gryffindor. At the same time, she wasn't completely emotionless regarding the possibility that her son was actually alive. I think it speaks volumes about her and Harry's relationship that he didn't try to hide the news from her as soon as he found out. I could see Harry trying to be the type to protect his wife from any more pain - after *losing* Devlin, but they seem to have a mutual respect for each other, and to use each other as a support.

Clearly Geoffrey cares for Devlin, and I'm guessing that his why he allowed himself to be caught (I'm making that assumption) and is basically giving information that will lead to his rescue. Geoffrey may have other reasons as well, but his protective instincts are strong.

I'm glad that you've chosen to focus on how Devlin has been affected by the abduction. The story wouldn't have been very realistic if Devlin had stayed the same sweet, clever boy from Harry's memories. I have a feeling that is the main focus of this story - and I love it. You have a little bit of everything here: action, dark magic, guilt, deep emotions and a theme of healing.

I did notice quite a few typos sprinkled throughout both of these first two chatpers - there were enough that it was a little distracting to read. If you don't have a beta for this story, you might want to consider one. I think you can request one for just grammatical errors and typos.

However, I don't want you to think that I didn't like this. I love it. You have a brilliant flair for describing actions that just enhances the emotions as the reader is pulled along for the ride. Also, you do a fantastic job of showing rather than telling the story. That is the mark of a more advanced writer. I don't think there was a single place where you used the words "Harry felt" - instead, you give us a small gesture or response that makes us feel it instead of just spitting the words out - great job!

Oh yeah, and I love the way you chose to end the chapter. Gah - too many feels. Devlin is dead - in the sense that he is no longer innocent and has obviously been trained by dark wizards. It totally sets the reader up for a long ride, I'm so rooting for Devlin and this poor, damaged family!

♥ Beth

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Review #12, by Veritaserum27 The Informant

3rd October 2014:
Hello!

Tagging you from review tag! I posted to see if you were up for another review swap, but you went offline, so I'm reviewing this for review tag on the forums. If you want to do a swap, I'll gladly review another chapter!

Wow. I can see why this story is so popular - It's got all of the makings of an awesome read - drama, action, intrigue and mystery. It did take me a minute to work out the alternate universe in my head, but I'm all set now! :)

Yay Sirius - and Remus! This proves to be a fantastic story. I'm wondering if you'll explain whatever happened between Harry and Ginny, or do you just assume they never had a relationship?

I love your version of Harry. He is so damaged and hurting. He is walking the line of using his powers for good, but there is part of his heart that's gone cold and he seems to see the lines a bit blurred at this point. It's good he's got Ron and Hermione to keep him grounded.

Losing a child - that... ugh. I can't really go into that - but since the title has "rescue" in it - and I know there's a sequel, I think its a safe bet for me :)

The scene with the Lilies was beautiful and amazing and just so heartwarming. Oh. Wow. You brought so much emotion at showing us a warm, loving family (and friends too!) and also revealing how powerful Devlin is. Great job with that.

I'm a bit suspicious about this Death Eater. I have a feeling that he was intentionally caught because he wants to help Harry or Devlin. Maybe I'm totally off about this, but it just seems that he let out just enough information to lead Harry to the fact that Devlin might still be alive.

Great, awesome, exciting, amazing first chapter!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: Hiya!

Wow. I can't believe someone just thought my story was 'popular'. LOL Thank you.

Yeah, what happened between Harry and Ginny is just that I'm old (at least in Harry Potter fan fiction) and I STARTED this story (this is the 3rd rewrite) BEFORE the fifth book came out. So I didn't know Ginny and Harry would end up together (although I kinda fit hints in as we progress to make it more cannon compliant) or that Sirius would die. So yeah, boring response there. :)

If you like those things about my Harry you're bound to really enjoy this story - especially the beginning. The rescue will happen pretty rapidly, so you should be good on that note.

Thanks - everyone says it almost makes the cry. LOL

I think you're right to be a bit suspicious. ;-)

Thanks Beth! :D Can't wait to do some more swaps! I am in love with your story as well.



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Review #13, by sleepingdragons The Informant

1st October 2014:
Hello, here for the review swap!

I've never read an AU fanfic before, so this was a new experience for me really, and I have to say I enjoyed reading the first chapter :)

The start was really chilling, with Devlin's dream (or was it meant to be a memory? That was the only part I was a bit confused about)

Also, the pensive memory made me so emotional, with the lilies.. argh.

Overall, it was so well written, I'll have to keep reading now!

- sleepingdragons xx

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Review #14, by Lululuna Mind Field

1st October 2014:
Hey hey!! Wow, it has seriously been way too long since I have reviewed - I've been awful with HPFF participation lately. :( So glad to be back!

The way Legilimency was described here was really cool and vivid. I loved the use of mist and armies and parchment - it as all just so brilliant and fit well with how I would imagine the inside of Devlin's mind. Clearly he has met his match in Snape, and the conversation they had inside his head was really intriguing.

I liked how Devlin analyzed Snape and his former Death Eater position as well - how he was acutely aware of his dark magic and how it was sort of hibernating, and how Death Eaters are good at pulling out their wands quickly, and how Snape still mirrors these practices even if he is currently separate. As usual your analysis of the familiar canon characters really goes deep and rings true.

Clearly in this chapter at least Devlin is realizing the wrongs that Voldy committed against him and coming out of his blinded love for his grandfather. But then there are the contrasting images like Voldy smiling because of him and how special and important that thought is to Devlin, to the extent that he identifies that quality as part of his own identity. The moral confusion is quite effective in showing how nobody is all bad, even Voldemort, and how Devlin could still be loyal to him in parts of his mind even if he knows it is dangerous. He's such a complex, wonderful character, and I do love it.

Great job, I hope I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #15, by Roisin The Informant

1st October 2014:
Hello!

So I've read through it a few times now, and I think the flow is fine. Wherever the edit was, I can't tell--there's no visible *seams* or anything. But, here's my step-by-step reactions first reading it anyway.

I'd originally assumed the "blond man" to be Lucius, and was rather crushed to discover he was Draco--but a good kind of crushed. Nicely played! You set up your AU right off the bat, so there's none of that "wait--is this an AU?" guessing going on. At the same time, it didn't begin with a long and detailed backstory explaining the universe, and I respect that subtlety and balance.

Were it not for the A/N at the beginning, I probably wouldn't have guessed Devlin's age properly (in fact, I'm still not sure. Under six, I suppose?)

I was confused by his eyes changing from green to the color of wheat--but not in a bad way. More piqued than anything. I took that scene to be a memory, rather than a nightmare (or, that is to say, a memory acting as a nightmare--but factual). The waking-up scene read, and wasn't confusing at all. I took it to possibly be set some years later (after Devlin was reunited with his parents)--but not necessarily as such.

I enjoyed the transition to Harry, and thought the tone shift came at a good place. I wasn't a huge fan of the O~o~O~oO~o~O line break, though--but that's a pretty petty concern.

I do wonder, though, if the edits in question might have altered the tone of the intro. It kind of felt like something was missing--but I'm really reaching here, and I only say that because I've read it a dozen times under a microscope looking for issues.

As per general concrits, I really only have 2.
-The word "man/men" and "blond man" are used very heavily. There were definitely times where it had an effect, but over use somewhat takes away the impact of measured repetition. And I can see the issue of too varied a vocabulary for a child's perspective, but the narration is already pretty reflective (describing how he worked out "worthless"), so I think you can get away with rethinking some of your character IDs.
-And I'm super nitpicking here, but action descriptions as they relate to the body are a little odd at times. "by the arm that he had moments ago been unable to move," and "his body hurled itself upright in the bed without his conscious decision."

As far as the chapter at large, which I know wasn't what you were asking for comment on, I thought it was really impressive! The story is so original, and it's super fascinating to see how much you've reimagined--because it's justified, and all serves a really interesting purpose. Just generally I'm impressed with the breadth of the original ideas here!

I hope this review answered properly spoke to your concern! Thank you so much for the swap!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Thanks, Roisin!

The first scene had to but cut off rather abruptly, so I expect there will be some sense of 'not there', but it doesn't sound as if it were effected too badly.

I'll take your critique about 'men/man' into my head, but I really wasn't sure what else to have Devlin use and I felt it played up his dissociation.

Yeah, I do have some lingering poor descriptions and then the last one was written in the span of three minutes (that's where I had to cut the scene), so I know I will need to go fix it up some more. Your critiques have really helped me decide where to start, so thanks of that. :)

The eyes are important and was played better when I hadn't cut the scene, so I'm glad I could sneak it in a bit there.

"I took that scene to be a memory, rather than a nightmare (or, that is to say, a memory acting as a nightmare--but factual). The waking-up scene read, and wasn't confusing at all. I took it to possibly be set some years later (after Devlin was reunited with his parents)--but not necessarily as such."

Yes, it is a factual memory acting as a nightmare. Yes, some years later. No, not reunited with his parents - I should perhaps make it more clear.

Thanks for reading it for me!


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Review #16, by Pixileanin Shifting Thoughts

23rd September 2014:
Oh man, I can only imagine having a child like that and then realizing what he'll be like when he's older, at school, where he'll be inconveniently out of reach. Poor Harry! The sentiment of the 'Golden Boy' having the 'Bad Boy', is funny here, but I bet it will give him nightmares. Now I can't wait to see what he's going to be like in your sequel, but I guess that means I'll just have to read faster.

Oh, my. I loved how intense the magic was, and I was wondering up until Harry figured it out what it was. Devlin is frighteningly powerful, and the things he has learned are doubly frightening. And the 'deal' that Devlin and Geoffrey make, I am as bewildered as Harry, and want to know what it is about. I can only imagine what sorts of debts those two hold towards each other.

You know, I think Occulmency would be the perfect thing for him at this point. It might give him an added sense of security, and I bet that he'd be good at it, judging from what I've seen already. Though I wouldn't want to be his teacher. He seems to have had rough teachers in the past. He'd be a difficult student, I suppose.

" "I made you happy in it," she said softly, that fear creeping back in her face. "Because I wish you were." "

That line really got to me. Leave it to a little kid to make things sound so simple. But he really cares for her more than he lets himself care about anyone else. It gives me hope that Dubhan has something that he's willing to fight for.

And before I forget, I think it's very interesting that Geoffrey picks up on Dumbledore's 'fear' of the boy. The old headmaster can't discount the significance of this child and what he's been through. It makes me want to get inside his head and see what kinds of scheming he's doing on his own.

Really great chapter! I have to find more time to come back soon!

Pix

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Review #17, by Penelope Inkwell The Informant

20th September 2014:
Oh my gosh! That is shocking.

At first I was a bit iffy about Devlin’s age, since you said he was supposed to be six, and he seemed a bit too *aware* for that--more like a seven or eight year old (though I know you’re in edits). But you do address that, right there at the end, and if he’s some sort of prodigy, I suppose it makes sense that he seems beyond his years.

Now, I’m wondering if Devlin is a werewolf? You mentioned something about him feeling “wolfish”, and amber eyes, and he seems to have some unusual abilities.

I really liked the way you described Harry there at the end. It was very realistic--just what I think he would be like if he had lost a child to the Death Eaters.

Oh, that scene where Devlin got them to do a birthday party for his Grandma Lily? It was so sweet. Ugh, I have emotions, now. What am I supposed to do with these? Take them back. ;)

I am curious: there are some big changes in here. Sirius and Remus appear to be alive, and Harry’s not married to Ginny, and he has different children. Which is all perfectly fair. It’s cool to see how people play with stuff like that. I am curious as to why you wanted to make those changes, in particular? I’d love to hear about it.

Your first words capture the feel of the chapter beautifully, and are very intriguing. The chapter itself keeps the reader on the edge of their seat, and leaves them full of questions, which is good. It’s a very well done beginning, and I enjoyed it.

CC:
This is pretty minor, but right here:
"As if Harry’s proof was his cost for betraying Voldemort.
“Price” might be better than “cost”.

Overall, great work.

Thanks for swapping with me.

--Penny

Author's Response: I think Devlin's reactions under torture will become clearer and more believable as you go forward. That 'wolfish' aspect definitely plays a part in his strength.

This story was originally started before the release of book 5 and therefore Sirius' presence was less unusual then as it is now. This is the 3rd rewrite (although the plot has changed really drastically). I was quite a bit younger than I am now, when I started this idea. Alexandra's role is both because of the above answer and also integral to the plot - which I won't spoil too much.

Thanks so much for the great review! I'd love to swap again anytime - drop me a note whenever you're in the mood. :)


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Review #18, by Gabriella Hunter Shifting Thoughts

2nd September 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get to you but here I am! I hope that you can forgive me!

Anyhoo, on to this! The mystery surrounding Deviln just continues to deepen and I am amazed by how detailed and intricate your writing is! You're fantastic at drawing me in and I'm really invested in these characters--they're all so complex that I can never tell what they might do next.

There were quite a few things in this chapter that had my mind churning with questions. I never knew that Devlin had that much control over his magic--well, I sort of figured of course from the previous chapters but using the Imperious curse? That was a terrifying new skill that I couldn't believe that he would use, it makes his relationship with Geoff all the more tangled and confusing. I think that they have a lot of depth when they're together and I wonder how their futures will be towards the end.

Also, I'm wondering what's going to happen with Harry and his job. Its obvious that time is running out to capture Voldemort and Devlin seems to be the key in all of this but I wonder what Albus will discover (Great writing him by the way, he was spot on)and what might be at stake if things don't progress?

That ending though was both sweet and a little horrifying. Devlin is plotting against the Dark Lord and willing to do anything for Emma and I can't help but worry about what that might mean...hm...you've given me a lot to think about.

As always, this is fantastic and I truly love everything about this story!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #19, by CambAngst Grand Finale

29th August 2014:
Hi, there! I'll warn you that parts of this review will read strangely because I struggled to keep it within the limit. There's a lot to cover and coming to the end of a story I love makes me a little sentimental. (sniff)

One of the things I liked most about the first section, where Devlin is almost begging to be allowed to go to school, is that Devlin is almost begging to be allowed to go to school. Dubhán would never do something like that. More and more, we see the Harry and Alexandra's son Devlin emerging from behind the walls of Voldemort's plaything Dubhán. It's happy in one way, but very sad in another, considering what happens near the end of this chapter.

"You're a werewolf." His green eyes were on him; searching his face for comprehension and dawning realization, but Devlin gave him neither, because he did not have them to offer. He did not understand. -- Probably one of the saddest moments in the story so far. One thing I love about this story is how true you've kept the setting to the "wartime" wizarding world we saw in the books. The characters are under a constant strain, and their lesser tendencies and prejudices are never far from the surface.

Interesting that Geoffrey starts to see the implications of Draco's death before Devlin does. Then again, Devlin has a lot more going on in his head these days, things that probably keep him from focusing solely on his own survival. Geoffrey hides his fears reasonably well, but not well enough.

Poor Sirius gets roped into so many awkward conversations with Devlin. "Eh, some of the boys your age don't even notice girls exist, some of them think they're a terrible sort of foreign creature, the other bit notices and wishes they were far older than ten." Sirius shrugged. "You're sort of normal any way you look at it." Wow, that's a succinct way of putting it. Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit. But I think his explanation of what fancying a girl feels like only confuses Devlin more. Devlin probably felt a lot of those things, but they had nothing to do with fancy.

He was frozen again, afraid that the least movement might wake her and shatter this transfixing moment before he had truly been able to make any sense of it at all.

Emma trusted him.
-- My favorite moment of this entire chapter, even more than the ending. It shows that Devlin is, in fact, connected.

"Voldemort knows the location, Devlin. We're not hiding our location. I've found such arrangements to be tedious and limiting - and hardly foolproof." -- Hardly.

I like how it suddenly dawns on Devlin that Harry's approach to keeping him safe is very different from Voldemort's approach to keeping him hidden away. If he could internalize why, that would be a big step.

Aha. So someone has implicated Harry and Alexandra in Draco's death. It seems like a fairly transparent plot to anyone who knows what's really going on, but since Draco hasn't been implicated as one of Voldemort's inner circle, I suppose the Ministry has to take it seriously. Especially if it gives them another excuse to try to pry information out of Devlin.

The "conversation" between Devlin and Voldemort was really well done. Devlin gets more than a little uppity and Voldemort responds pretty much the way you'd expect. He's dismissive -- correcting Devlin's spelling, of all things -- and merely acts as though the outcome is assured, so long as Devlin doesn't forget where his true loyalties lie. Interesting how a character who's as much of a control freak as Voldemort can take certain things for granted.

"I'm gonna tell Dad to come home, alright? I'll make sure he does, I promise." -- I obviously didn't see this for what it was the first time through. It really ties the ending together.

Interesting little bit of Legillimency between Devlin and Harry! I'm fascinated by the idea that Legillimency could work in reverse, "drawing" someone in instead of invading their mind.

I'm seriously running out of room, so I'll have to be brief about the meeting with the Minister. I love the cast of characters you assembled for this, and the roles that each one plays. Lucius is perfect, in all his self-important, demanding arrogance and the near-complete lack of genuine emotion he shows for his son's death. Susan was a very effective advocate for Devlin, which is the role I assume she was playing. She's a character that I have a huge soft spot for. It was great seeing her. Gah, Dumbledore is such an idiot! He stumbles headlong into Voldemort's trap, delivering the message that the Dark Lord couldn't deliver in person. That said, you wrote him very well, I thought.

In retrospect, Devlin felt entirely foolish to have missed it so thoroughly. -- Yeah, I'd have to agree on that point.

I realize that having the Potters arrive outside of the wards via portkey was essential to the plot, but wow! What a huge chance to take. And then to allow the situation to become a confrontation instead of just making a run for it... Harry, you're slipping!

I love Voldemort's arrogance in the final scene. "You offend me, Harry," he said, but he did not sound offended. He smiled in amusement. "I will not be moving at all." That line was absolutely perfect.

Mostly, he wished Harry wasn't watching. Humiliation flashed hot and feverish in his belly and he fought it down with a viciousness that left his head pounding. -- There's Devlin again.

The final confrontation was beautifully written. I could see it all playing out so clearly in my mind. The things that Harry is able to do for love and family... it was a perfectly Potter-esque ending.

In what little space I have left, I wanted to thank you. I honestly can't remember how I came across this story, but I have enjoyed it immensely. Your talent and creativity and clever storytelling are an absolute pleasure to read and I'm really looking forward to what comes next.

-Dan

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Review #20, by Gabriella Hunter Feverish Thoughts

28th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and its been so long! I've totally missed you and I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you. I had meant to get to this a lot sooner but some real life issues came up and then my review thread kind of exploded and I was like, "In the name of Merlin, back into the abyss with yeh!" and so.yeah.

Anyway, it took me quite a long time to figure out what was happening in this story and where I left off. I managed to figure out where I was after about an hour or so of foaming at the mouth but what a chapter! I had been curious about where your story was headed and what was happening and I'm really happy to see that its up to almost fifty chapters. Okay, I really like that you have continued to soften Devlin in some aspects while also hardening him in others. I can see that he might not ever be ever to warm up to Alex (Who I find to be rather mysterious) but I think that if Harry works hard for it, he might be able to earn his son's trust. I'm not sure what might happen in the process but there were moments of wonder with Devlin that touched me, he's been deprived of so much so its nice to see that he's taking the world in. At least for a little while before plotting another escape. Hahaha.

I also like that you added Ron and Hermione into this chapter and I think that they were written very well. They weren't over the top or floating around in the scene, they were really a part of it and I really enjoyed reading that--also, they were wise to not truly trust Devilin either--so I hope they show up again soon.

That ending had me a bit worried, as did that scene in the bookstore. Devlin is being hunted or haunted by something and I really want to know what it is! I also like the ending, I think it was my favorite part of this chapter. Geoff has been an interesting character from the start and I found his connection with Devlin to be touching but also a bit worrying. It was obvious that Harry was a tad bit unsettled by their closeness and for good reason! Hypnosis?! Madness! I was not expecting that at all! I wonder how long this will go on before Voldemort discovers that Geoff has gone against his orders? D':

Very good chapter of course and I'm SO happy to be back! I hope that we'll be seeing each other around a lot on the forums so don't be shy to drop by and PM me from time to time.

I have a lot of newer stories on my author's page that I think that you'll enjoy so don't be too much of a stranger! It'd be great to hear from you.

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #21, by Yoshi_Kitten The Informant

27th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for your review swap! Sorry it took me so long to finish this, my mother called in the middle of reading this and I had to go help her with some stuff real quick...

Anyways, wow! I love how original this story is already. You are off to a really wonderful start here. I am interested in learning more about Delvin, and how he was captured. Voldemort was very much in character here. I mean, attacking a 6 year old?! His cruelty really does know no bounds. Delvin was really brave tho, acting very much like Harry. I loved it when he called him “Tom Riddle” that was my favorite part, lol! I was sad to see that Draco was still involved with Voldemort tho. For a minute there, I thought that it was Lucius carrying Delvin in... Oh well, I suppose he can't be good in every story, haha. =P

I think you characterized Harry rather well here. Had the war not ended so soon, I could very well see him acting this way years on down the road. I am intrigued to learn the identity of this Death Eater now, and I wanna know why he was so insistent that Harry show him a memory of Delvin. Your descriptions of Delvin's special powers was intriguing also. I look forward to seeing how this develops later. And I can't help but wonder who this Emma character is, and what happened to Ginny?

And hows about that ending? Talk about a cliffhanger, lol!! Was the child they buried the son of this mysterious Death Eater, perhaps? GAH!! You really do know how to draw the reader in, from start to finish. I enjoyed this story, and will be adding this to my reading list. Thanks so much for the swap!! (:

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Review #22, by mymischiefmanaged The Informant

25th August 2014:
Hello! Here for review swap.

Wow, this is such an original story idea and you pull it off fantastically.

Ohh that whole scene with the torture of Devlin was just awful but wonderfully written. You get Devlin's childlike thinking perfectly, and Voldemort's totally in character. I'm interested to see if we find out more about Draco in this story? It's very believable that he would have stuck by Voldemort if he'd remained successful, clinging to power in the way he did as a child.

It's very sad seeing what's happened to Harry, how his anger's taken over, and it's very effective. You keep him and Ron very in character considering the way their lives have worked out, and I love Harry's turning to Sirius as someone who will understand that this goes beyond the law.

Everything you've written about Devlin is fascinating and I'm intrigued about who this Death Eater is? I suppose that's a secret for now. You've done a great job of building up tension and mystery.

Just a tiny thing, I noticed a spelling mistake. Ron says 'We're rounding the stranglers up' - should that be 'stragglers'? It doesn't matter at all but I thought it was worth mentioning in case you do come back to edit this again one day.

Fabulous fabulous first chapter. You've definitely caught my interest and I'm sure I'll come back at some point to read more!

Much love,

Emma x

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Review #23, by CambAngst Smudges

15th July 2014:
Hello, again! I'm back for your latest chapter!

There were so many small things that I liked about Devlin's conversation with David and Maria. Cumulatively, they made for an awesome scene. I liked Devlin's annoyance at the beginning when David seemed to be addressing Harry rather than him. I liked the way Devlin seized the initiative and took control of the conversation. I liked the fact that the propriety of events -- the relative weight of things he should be proud of vs. things he feels ashamed of -- still isn't quite right in his head.

Maria steps in and does Devlin some big favors with her explanation of "the middle" of the events. I've never considered using the Imperius Curse to "fix" somebody, but I can definitely see how it would have felt that way from her point of view.

Then in the end, he tells David the small lie that he must in order to protect Maria and himself. I don't know what, if anything, you have planned for Devlin and Maria, but the two of them really seem to work well together. I found myself wondering whether there was any implied relationship between that sentiment and what happens in the chapter's second scene.

Harry was not in the kitchen, and he used his magic to unlock the top cabinet and bring a hand full of cookies down to him. They were the kind with chunks of chocolate in them, and he liked them almost as well as he liked cheese pastries. -- I always love the little things you come up with to help us remember that this terribly world-weary soul is only ten years old.

So seeing your parents kissing -- kissing for real, not just pecks -- is always really hard for kids to figure out. And Devlin has so many other complications layered into the equation that it's remarkable his head doesn't explode. I really loved the little aside about what kisses were meant to signify in the world of the Death Eaters. Domination and power made perfect sense, because that seems to be the only thing that most Death Eaters are really striving for.

"Hey, little dude," Harry said; his voice was wispy, not in a bad way. -- Busted! And Harry goes all Jeff Spicoli on us. Did not see that coming.

"Maybe we should let Uncle Sirius have this conversation with you," Harry said, beginning to steer him into the hallway, laughing. "He knows all about kissing girls." -- Oh, boy. Somehow, that doesn't sound like the best idea to me. Devlin could become quite a ladies man.

There was thattug again and he suddenly knew he had missed the opportunity to shut up. -- One of life's worst moments: that moment when you realize you should have shut up just before the last thing you said. Poor Devlin. Actually, poor Harry, too. Also, you're missing a space between 'that' and 'tug'.

There was a lot of subtle brilliance to this chapter. Devlin cleared the air with Maria's father, but that wasn't the brilliant part. You took a very commonplace situation, one that happens between fathers and sons all the time, and you showed it to us through Devlin's peculiarly curved lens. Now he seems to be convinced that romantic affection is this very mysterious thing that he needs to decipher. He's even worried about protecting Emma from it! It's cute and funny but also a great reminder of how much ground Devlin needs to make up on so many different fronts.

Aside from that missing space, I didn't see any typos in this one, so kudos for great editing!

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Review #24, by CambAngst A Bit of Backtracking

7th July 2014:
Hi, there! I'm here, as always, to enjoy the next chapter of your story. Also, I will selfishly claim a bit of credit for Gryffindor:

House Cup 2014 Review

Now that the formalities are out of the way, it never hurts to take a small step back when we feel as though something important hasn't gotten the attention it deserves. And the memory of Voldemort killing Draco was definitely important on a couple of levels. First, I think it cleared up the majority of what had been left unsaid about Devlin's original kidnapping. It seems to me like the process of Devlin's wolf taking over when Devlin needed to be protected probably started in the memories Voldemort unearthed. It's odd to think that, in a way, Devlin owes Draco a small bit of credit for his survival.

I liked the way you continued to round out Voldemort's take on his relationship with Devlin. The similarities he sees between his own childhood and the abuse that Devlin suffered from Draco were revealing. In spite of them, there's no sympathy there, only a possessive sort of interest. It infuriates him that Draco was able to get Devlin to scream and cry when he was never able to. Once again, you emphasized the fact that Devlin was mostly a curiosity to Voldemort, partly a reflection on his own youth and partly an academic sort of problem that he was never quite able to solve to his own satisfaction. And, wow, does that guy have a twisted idea of what makes a good birthday present!

Harry's own reactions to Draco's body were interesting, as well. I like how the feelings it evoked went beyond the pure loathing that he came to feel for Draco after Devlin's kidnapping. After all of the years that had passed, Harry still felt an odd sort of kinship to Draco. Like an appreciation of the mutual dislike they had shared for so long.

Nice little metaphor with the repairs to the house. Lots of things are changing, mostly for the better.

It's strange, but at times I feel like Emma and Maria are tangled up in Devlin's head in a similar way to how he thinks that he and Voldemort are tangled up in Voldemort's head.

Interesting, how someone like Molly can spot the similarities between a young Harry and Devlin so easily.

I like Maria's appearances because she seems to be one of only three people (Harry and Emma being the other two) who have an ability to make Devlin completely lose his cool and do/say/realize things that he would ordinarily suppress. This paragraph really jumped out at me:

"Maria!" Thomas shouted, easy and casual - as if talking to Maria wasn't a precarious affair. She turned her brilliant blue eyes onto Thomas and a smile curved her lips upward. He felt something clench in his chest that he hadn't known was there.

Ooh, are you teasing another big reveal that's yet to come? Biggest mistake. Hardest punishment. The red-eyed man's greatest weakness. I'm sure that Voldemort lost his mind if Devlin ever called him Tom. Here is this boy who's supposed to be this younger version of himself as well as his possession, throwing his muggle father's name in his face... Scary stuff.

Yay, Fred's still alive! I don't think you've ever covered this explicitly, but I'm very happy to see it. Freddie reminds me a lot of his father. He's irreverent and also innocent in a way. It doesn't really occur to him that his question might be hurtful to Devlin. To him, the Dark Lord is one of those distant, intangible, scary things that adults whisper about, so it MUST be really cool!

I loved the difference in perspective between how Devlin perceives the scuffle with Freddie and how Freddie perceives it. Once again, you've done a brilliant job of teasing out aspects of Devlin's upbringing and perspective through his reactions. Freddie hardly thinks anything of what happened. I'm sure he's had rougher rows with his older cousins and maybe even his sister. But Devlin has no concept of violence and aggression being used without the intent to seriously injure or possibly kill. He only understands "adult violence", as opposed to childish roughhousing.

Harry's reaction really reinforced what you've been alluding to a lot recently. Harry understands a lot of things about Devlin, some of them better than Devlin understands them himself.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I can't wait to read this conversation. I sense, well, things coming from it. I was about to say good things, but nothing is ever quite that clear-cut where Devlin's past is concerned.

So a few small typos and other things I noticed while reading:

Harry's green eyes followed him and he could feel Alexandra's gaze pick him out at a moment's notice, her keen gaze assured without having to track his every movement. -- Not a huge deal, but you used "gaze" twice in the same sentence.

Maria's eyes were still on him, their conversation was still fresh in his mind, and these two things, happening at once, made him wish that the place wasn't warded against Disapperation. -- should be Disapparition

"Stop talking," Harry said, firmly. "Take breath." -- "Take a breath"?

Excellent work, as always! Looking forward to the next!

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Review #25, by luvinpadfoot Shifting Thoughts

16th June 2014:
I didn't have time to catch up to the last chapter tonight, but I'll continue working on this story for the next however long it takes me. I'm really enjoying it! I'll continue onto the others tomorrow, but I'll probably leave reviews every ten or so chapters. :)

Devlin/Dubhan seems much older than he is, even for a child prodigy and the grandson of Voldemort. It's not so much the story or plot surrounding him, but rather your writing. Your writing is amazing and you have lovely word choice, but it feels very adult in tone, language, and style. It just feels very mature in ways that even a brilliant child who's been through what Devlin has can't master. I guess the word I'm looking for is worldly. Devlin has a very worldly sense even though he's a young child with limited life experiences. I think this was more of a comment for the first few chapters (in part since he was younger) and that's seemed to tone down a bit more for the last couple.

Sometimes you mix up apostrophes, especially words like its and it's. Also adding the occasional extraneous space in words like illogical. Other than that, I only noticed the occasional typo which wasn't distracting from the story. Just a few things to maybe keep an eye on.

One thing you do really well is viewing the characters from different point of views. The best example is the way Devlin views Harry. At first I thought you weren't giving Harry enough credit, but then I realized it was Devlin not giving Harry enough credit and from other POVs you can really see Harry's strength. You give such great depth to all the characters through this.

Another thing is the physical feelings, like when Remus punches Geoffrey. You write those scenes with such power that it's impossible to disregard anything the feels. This story is very emotional and there's a lot going on in the various characters' heads that they don't say, but the physicality isn't forgotten about.

The way you combine both Dubhan and Devlin into the same character is quite wonderful and well done. The differences are so intricate that he's never completely one or the other, but instead both at the same time. The intertwining of the two is masterfully done. It's sweet how Emma's the one who manages to bring out the emotion in him. Even though he's faking it to get his wand back, he's doing that for her and it's sweet.

This is a really great story and I'm looking forward to catching up on the rest of it. :)

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