Ah and there is the beginning of Fred and George's pranking :D
This was the funniest chapter, especially with Percy skidding in when he was coming in for the lemonade. I do love little Percy in this, even at a small age he is still bossy and authorative, It's great!
It was so great to see Fred and George trying to help out but making a much bigger mess then before, with the help of Ginny.
This has been a really great story, and I really hope that you continue writing them when they're all younger, it's so good and you've written them brilliantly. You're such a great writer!Author's Response: You made it to the end!
Percy has that edgy "I'm in charge" vibe going on and I thought it might have started at a young age with him. He is an older brother, after all. I suppose older brothers would try to assert themselves over their younger siblings, especially if they had older siblings themselves.
Fred and George have kind hearts, deep down. They really don't want to be troublesome, but at some point, they had to make the decision to embrace who they became. This was a fun story to write, and I'm so happy you liked it!
Thanks so much for reviewing the whole story! Report Review
Okay this story is just getting cuter and cuter, I love seeing them all so young in this story it's so cute!
I really liked how Arthur was reminiscing about how each of his children had displayed their first bit of magic, I especially loved Bill's floating in his sleep :D
Fred and George's were excellent! Such a them thing to do, to blow up the bed.
I love how you really got across each of their personalities in this, and how Fred and George were horrified at the thought of having to play with Percy.
I loved the commentary between Fred and George as they watched Ron play with the blocks, they're both so funny.
I am really loving this story so much! It's just brilliant! :DAuthor's Response: You're back for chapter two!
I've always thought that for a parent, first magic must be this terrifying and at the same time wonderful experience. If they never know how it will manifest, it must be quite the rite of passage.
Thanks so much for another great review! Report Review
This is so cute!
I love little Fred and George in this, and how they're cleaning their room. Even though everything has just been stuffed into the wardrobe or just in the corner.
I loved that they were trying to behave themselves so that they could get a pet, and just how hard it seemed to be for them to not cause trouble. Ignoring the whole stealing of their brothers wand.
I think my favourite part was when they said that when you turned six you knew everything.
You wrote this incredibly well and it seemed like it was actually from a childs point of view and how they would act or talk.
I really can't wait to read more! :DAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks for picking my little twin story!
Fred and George had got to have been cute when they were little. I think that's probably the only reason that rambunctious kids survive into adulthood: that they're too adorable for their parents to sell them to the gypsies.
I'm sure someone out there has tackled the Weasleys when they were younger and what their family-life was like, but there aren't many. I haven't run into but a handful. I'm glad you thought the voices were right.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hi, I what a delightful little story this is. Once I started it, I just read it all the way through. I loved your young Fred and George. They were very believable, and the way they were counting down the time to being 6 years old was so cute. Young children can be very hard to write. Very often they're either written as too precocious or too babyish, but I think you struck a nice balance with the twins, and you gave us a delightful portrayal of the Weasley household with young children. I loved Arthur too, the way he struggled with putting the beds together and managed the twins, and the way the whipped cream mess didn't phase him in the least. This story was well-writen, entertaining, warm, humorous, and just plain LOVABLE! I liked it a lot.Author's Response: Hi there!
This was such a fun piece to write and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I kind of felt a bit claustrophobic though, because the Weasley family is such a big mess of people. At first I thought I might have tried to include too many characters, but after thinking about it, that's what their home life must have been like: crowded and hectic, with people constantly moving in different directions. I decided that if I left anyone out, it wouldn't feel authentic enough.
Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
As soon as I saw this on your author's page, I knew I had to read it! I absolutely ADORE Fred and George stories and I knew this would be amazing... and it was! This is just so adorable! Everything about it just makes me want to squee!!
I thought Fred and George's childish thoughts/emotions were very realistic, such as them thinking that at 6 years-old, you know everything! And I just love the way they both come together and try to be 'responsible' over the splinter situation! :) And the fact that Charlie as the older and more responsible ten-year-old tried to give them some guidance!
I also thought the constant countdown "six, five, four..." was a nice touch, since children can be so impatient! And it flowed very well and there weren't any spelling or grammar issues, so kudos on that as well! I can't wait to see what various misadventures Fred and George get themselves into!
10/10 and going in my favorites!! :)Author's Response: Aww! You found Fred and George!
Squee away. It's that kind of story. :P This was really fun to write. Fred and George as little boys were probably a big handful for the family. I've always wondered what set them on their path to mischief. I'm glad you liked it so far and I hope you come back for more later.
Thanks so much for the review (and the favorite!)! Report Review
I thought this chapter was a great beginning to your story. Little Fred and George are just so cute I want to fold them up and put them in my pocket! I loved how cute and little they are even though they are almost grown up, or so they think. They are rather smart kids to be thinking of putting their stuff all in the closet and getting rid of what wont fit. Hopefully they can get their pet, even though they didn't really have their room cleaned that well and hopefully George can get that splinter out soon because that would just be uncomfortable to have a splinter in your knee for a long period of time. I thought the characterizations were done well, from Fred and his counting seconds (as I so often find myself doing the same thing) to Charlie so excited to get his own wand that he needs to look at Bill's while he is gone. Again this was a wonderful opening chapter to your story, it really sets it all up. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the little kid version of Fred and George! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Aw, this was so cute! =)
I love how natural relationship the Weasley kids in this story have. They have that sibling chemistry down pat. As always, your characters are very true to books, Percy being, well Percy and baby Ginny showing signs of becoming a determined little girl on her own right.
I loved how the ending implied that this was a moment when the twins realized that they could get away with stuff as long as they were deemed funny and kind of leading the way to becoming the double menace of Hogwarts.
The flow was excellent and the dialogue and description were lovely as ever. I really enjoyed reading this story. It would be fun read more about Gred and Forge in the future, if you would write it. Maybe about how they came by the Marauder's Map?Author's Response: Hello!
Aww, thanks! I don't have any plans to continue with this story at the moment, but I do admit that it would be fun to come back one day and play with the Weasleys again.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Ah, this was just so nice and so brilliant! I really loved reading it!
Ginny in the playpen was fantastic, she really made me laugh, wanting out and wanting to help, then opening the cans of icing and thinking it was snow.
Then the idea that they were born on April fools day, so everything thinks their jokes are really funny - we now see the origins of the pranksters will know and love. They started out making a mess by accident, then soon realise the comic value of said accident and decide that their destiny is to make people laugh - loved that! It was just a great idea!
Anyway, I've really enjoyed reading this story, so thank you so much for a great half an hour of pleasure on a Monday morning! Brilliant stuff. 10/10 I really loved this! ;-)Author's Response: Thanks so much for three reviews in a row!! You made my Monday morning smile! I'm glad I could liven up your Monday morning with my story. I had a great time writing this thing. It was a lot of fun!
pix Report Review
This was just so brilliant and so funny and I just loved it so much!
When they get the box and they ask is it blue? can we eat it? That just really made me laugh. I also love how they are counting down the seconds and minutes until their birthday and how they think Ron isn't as brilliant as they are.
I loved the idea of the twins exploding all their bedroom furniture when as their first sign of magic - that is definitely something they would do. And Percy still afraid to sleep with his broom in his room, that just really made me laugh.
Just one little thing though, I could be wrong here, but seeing as they chapter is from Fred and George's point of view, shouldn't Arthur be referred to as Dad throughout? - I mean outside of dialogue, like said Dad, instead of said Arthur? It's just you refer to Ron as Ronnie outside of dialogue - Whee said Ronnie, and Ronnie is how the twins refer to Ron, so I think you should change Arthur to Dad, but that's just me and maybe I'm wrong here!
Anyway, great chapter, I'm beginning to wonder if they will get the baby dragon now! Must read on! ;)Author's Response: Hi again!
I remember making the decision to use "Arthur" instead of "Dad", but I don't remember why... Maybe it's because I used his POV in this chapter, so he became his own person, instead of just a dad... I didn't do anything from "Ronnie's" POV... I'll have to re-read and see if that still makes sense. Thanks for giving me something to think about! Report Review
I really liked this! It was just so nice to read. I loved how you did Fred and George. They are only six and they still made me laugh - being responsible hurts - great line that!
I loved their logic, how six was much more grown up than five, how they only borrowed Bill's wand, but then put it back straight away. How Fred and brilliant, but George was too because they did everything together (loved that line so much! It was brilliant!).
It just made me laugh how they shoved everything in the wardrobe and that is classified as 'cleaning' their room - that's such a little kid thing to do, I know I did it an awful lot! And the idea that they have to be good to get their birthday present because they hope it's a dragon - that was brilliant too!
I really love this story, can't wait to read more now! :)Author's Response: Hi!
Aww, thanks! It was really fun to write little kids and all their "little kid" logic!
Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
How could I forget what day they were born? This was such a perfect and a very funny realization for both of them. I love that you captured them so well, and Ginny is perfect! She's a little spitfire just like she grows up to be ;)!
Their older brothers are wonderful, everything I would have imagined them to be, and Arthur maintains his patience and soft heart. Even when Ginny has made a whipped cream disaster ;)!
I'm so happy I read all three chapters for review the person above you, they were all very well written and left me with that warm happy feeling. You made the Weasley clan perfect, loving, and continually chaotic. Amazing job, darling!
JamiAuthor's Response: Surprise? Haha. Actually, this story doesn't have much in the way of surprises. Truthfully, when I posted it, I had forgotten that I didn't have a title and so I typed in the first silly thing that came to mind.
Chaotic, indeed! It was getting pretty crowded there in my head when I was putting this last chapter together. I felt like I was living in the house with them. ;) I guess I did my job right if you came away with warm fuzzies.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review all three chapters! You have made my day!
pix Report Review
I told you the first chapter made me want to continue!
You are making me love six year old twins. They are so amazingly precious! And now the bedroom furniture makes more sense.. I love how Arthur is secretly proud of them, though I'm sure it was expensive to replace, you can tell he really doesn't mind the money. I also love that the people had to deliver it the muggle way because it's resistant to magic, it was a great touch.
I don't know if I love Ron's nickname, I think I like it because it makes sense that you would call a baby a more cutesy name, I guess it's just odd to see.
This chapter had a wonderful flow and an amazing sense of love the whole way through. It makes me laugh that even at this young Percy still got on the twins nerves, and it makes total sense that he would.
You have created a very simple story and made it completely beautiful. Amazing job so far!Author's Response: More! Thanks!
So glad my first chapter hooked you in! Wow! And another review, too! Personally, I don't love Ron's nickname either. I'm sure it was just a passing phase. And I loved picking on Percy. Poor guy never gets a break!
I don't see enough father moments in fanfiction for Arthur. He's really a stand-up guy that deserves more credit. I'm happy you appreciate that. And the flow? Thanks. I can never be too sure about flow. It's always something I have to ask other people to gauge for me.
Thanks for another wonderful review! Report Review
Oh goodness m'dear, this was positively absolutely adorable. You did an amazing job with keeping Fred and George themselves but much younger versions. It was so sweet how he wanted to offer his brother a lolly but didn't have any. Am I confused, or did they actually destroy the bed because they couldn't fit it in the closet? Please tell me they wouldn't do that and I am confused... haha!!
I love that George wanted a baby dragon, I feel like it could have been hearing his brother talk about them that made him want once, which seems very natural and realistic.
I also really liked your mention of the other brothers, their characterizations also seemed flawless.
A very sweet and adorable first chapter all together! It flowed beautifully and made me want to click on to the second!Author's Response: Hey, thanks!
You can be confused. The bed comes later. :) I always imagined these two to be very close, watching out for each other in everything that they did. It starts young, so I wanted to explore that a little.
Little kids dream big, so a dragon was the one "unattainable goal" I thought George would go for. Glad you liked it! Report Review
That was just so cute!
I laughed like twice, particularly at the part when Ginny pours the cream out and Percy slips! haha
Such an adorable story, and so well written!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Fred and George are so cute. =) I really liked the idea of telling us how each one of the boys used magic the very first time. There was a really nice homey feeling in this chapter.
Writing was smooth, although I was bit perplexed about the delivery men before you explained it to us. They were muggles delivering magical items?
I enjoyed dialogue, it was very age appropriate. The characters were nicely done, although I would have loved to read more about young Bill and Charlie, but that's my personal preference.
Loved it and will read the next chapter as well. Good job! =)Author's Response:
The delivery men weren't really Muggles, but they had to deliver the beds without using magic, since it was a "magic resistant" item... if that makes sense.
Haha! If I ever write a young BIll and Charlie story, I'll let you know.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I really liked the whipped topping idea. I can easily imagine kids remembering stuff like that. Gred and Forge were quite believable almost six year olds. The chapter was really cute, funny and endearing. The story sucked me right in and pace was excellent. It was bit shortish and I would have loved to read more action, but as an opening chapter it was excellent. =)Author's Response: Whipped topping!!
There's more action in chapter two. (hint hint)
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
This was pretty much the perfect way to end the story! Not ony was it highly amusing, but in a way its kind of an origin story for Fred and George,explaining how they came to be the epic pranksters we know and love. Baby Ginny was absolutely adorable,and the brothers were great as well.Author's Response: I love reading origin stories and I had fun writing this one. I'm so glad you made it to the end and found it amusing. Thanks for all of your fabulous reviews! Report Review
What a great feel good story! You really have a knack for taking the canon character's personalities and adapting them to be appropriate for a younger age.
Fred and George are so much fun here, and love how Percy is already so Percy like as well. I als loved Arhtur's appearence, and we can realy see what a dedicated family man he is.Author's Response:
Hee hee! Twins can be fun. Percy was easy to portray as the perpetual curmudgeon, and I felt like Arthur deserved a bit of the spotlight as well. He was definitely a great role model for the boys. Report Review
Hey Pix! I'm here for your requested review, round three :)
I totally loved this, and I like how it wasn't just a comical little story, but instead turned out to explain how Fred and George became so enthralled with pranks. Baby Ginny is probably the most adorable thing I've seen in a fic in quite some time, too. Overall, I think you did a lovely job of characterizing all of the Weasleys, and the plot flowed well and kept me interested. I think it's very sweet that the twins wanted to help out, even on their birthday, and their behavior along with Charlie's gift both provide good examples of the innate goodness and familial love we have come to associate with the Weasley family. I must say that I think it's a near miracle that Molly didn't catch the twins mid-"prank". Good thing Arthur was able to clean up all the evidence!
I don't have much to nitpick this time around, actually, so it looks like my review will be a little shorter this time. Like I said, the flow here was improved from the second chapter, and I think this chapter was my favorite of the three. I tried, I really did, but I guess you'll just have to be proud of this :)
Well, it was really lovely to finally get to read this, and I enjoyed every minute. (Even the red hair grew on me! Who knew?) Thanks for requesting, and I hope this is helpful!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you!
I'm so glad you enjoyed my romp through Weasley world, and I certainly appreciate all of your comments on this piece! It's good to know that I pulled off the familial atmosphere, because that means that my "palate cleanser" was a success. ;)
I'm really happy you got a chance to read and review this!
pix Report Review
Hi Pix! I'm here with requested review #2 :)
As expected, this was very cute. I liked hearing about how each of the boys had discovered their magic, and it was entertaining to imagine Fred and George sitting and wearing smiles amongst the remnants of their demolished bedroom. I really think you've done a good job of nailing down their personalities; for example, I think being able to read so early (and attempting to prove this at every turn) is very suited to them. Ron and Ginny were also very cute in this chapter. It's interesting to imagine all of the children at such young ages.
I also really liked Arthur here. I think he would sit back and reminisce about his children, since he's certainly a family man and seems to cherish each and every one of them. Though I think a lot of times we're tempted to assume that Molly is the glue holding the family together, in this piece, I feel like Arthur is really stepping up and taking charge, even with the simple act of getting a new bed set up for his sons. He just struck me as being so steady, and I really liked that.
Now, the flow didn't go quite as well here for me, though it's not poor by any stretch. Since you asked me to be tough, I'm going to do something I don't usually do and nitpick a little. I feel like a comma is missing in the first paragraph (after 'birthday boys') and in the eleventh paragraph (after 'Bill'). I think paragraphs 8 and 9 could have been a little clearer as well - in paragraph 8, it's a little hard to tell whether it's Ron or Ginny who says, "I wanna see!" and in paragraph 9, it's a little confusing for Ginny to say "Not a baby!" if the line referring to her being a baby wasn't spoken and was just part of the third person narrative. I hope all of that makes sense. It really is nitpicking, because there isn't anything majorly wrong, and these are my best guesses at what might have impeded the flow a little here for me.
On another note, the set of lines about how Fred and George got mad at having to play with Percy on their birthday cracked me up. Poor Percy, always getting the short stick :)
Very nicely done! Hope this helps, and you can certainly come back and re-request for chapter three if you like.
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Thanks!
I'm so happy that you appreciated Arthur. He deserves some good times too.
I will look at that flow issue and see what I can do about that. It was a challenge to juggle all those Weasleys in that scene, haha! I felt a bit claustrophobic writing it.
And poor Percy, indeed! Always getting the short end of the stick. :) Report Review
Hi Pix! I'm here with your requested review :) First off, I'm sorry I haven't come by to check this out before now. School got really crazy in the last month or so, and it was nice to see you post in my thread and remind me to stop by this story. At first glance, this looks like quite the deviation from Snorcas, and I'm excited to explore your versatility as an author with you.
This chapter was positively adorable. Your characterization stood out to me as being particularly brilliant -- this doesn't seem quite like Fred and George from canon, more like they have a tinge more reserve than we're used to seeing, but it still feels like a very true characterization. I love that you can already feel a slight difference in their personalities even at the age of six, and yet it also feels like a very natural brotherly relationship as far as the smoothness with which the two of them interact. It's twin-like, but not too cliche. I also think you did Percy and Charlie perfectly, even with just a brief mention of each.
The chapter definitely flowed well for me, and I imagine that the other chapters are just as cute. It was neat to think about Fred being so enthralled with whipped topping, and I can see small glimpses of his father's fascination with Muggle objects, which I liked. Speaking of the whipped cream moment, I thought the imagery there was nice, very wholesome. It's impressive to see that you can write the lighter and darker subject matter with equal grace.
I'm thinking that you might have been hoping for more critique, but I really don't notice anything to be improved in this chapter. I suppose I could make things up, but then it would be harder to say 'hope this was helpful' at the end, and... okay, rambling now. Suffice it to say, I really enjoyed this, and you're certainly free to re-request for the other chapters, though I still might get to them on my own.
Nicely done! (I at least hope this was nice to read.)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: It's academica!
This was my palate cleanser from Snorcas. (can we say "totally different"?) Sometimes you just have to break free...
Aww, you can make things up if you have to. ;) Just kidding! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this. It was really fun to write... all wholesome and happy... I did have to think about Fred and George and what kind of recognizable personality traits they would inherently have, as opposed to the traits they would have developed over time. It can be a mind bender.
Your review was such a very nice read and I will definitely re-request for the next chapter!
Thanks so much!
pix Report Review
"Can we eat it?"
^ What a Fred/George question! Oh Arthur and his Muggle loving ways. Heehee, I can't stop laughing at this, it's so cute. I don't think i've ever read a 12+ story before! I bow down to you because that's quite hard. Oh, and Ronnie! And grumpy Percy, I loved when the twins were watching Ron play with the blocks. This was such a neat idea!Author's Response: Don't all boys ask if things are edible? ;)
You've never read a 12+ story before? Huh. I'm glad you chose mine! I'd never written a 12+ story before, if that makes you feel any better. I'm so happy this story makes you laugh. Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
Maybe Charlie was right, being ten already. Everyone knew that once you turned six, you knew everything (as his brother Percy kept saying over and over and over...not minutes after he turned six, Fred never forgot that).
I'M IN LOVE! AW! I love Fred and George...and Charlie...and Percy. I'm such a Weasley lover and this was just too cute for words! I loved how you kept them to their age, their thoughts were too funny and I see the air of mischief...something terribly hilarious is going to happen...I don't think they're going to get their dragon!
Excellent job!Author's Response: Nah, I don't think they're going to get that dragon either. Haha! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Aw! That was so adorable. Like, really. I just wanted to hug Fred and George and tell them they were awesome. Because they are. And I love how you wrote them as children, all the Weasleys. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Fred and George are pretty cute at this age. And yeah, all the Weasleys are pretty awesome too!
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Hello. :) I figured I'd come by and give a larger review at the end of the story rather than bits and pieces for each chapter. Hope that's all right with you.
One thing I think you really got here were the little details about being a kid. A lot of the things you described Fred and George doing were things I remembered doing myself (is that a good thing?!). I was always that kid who didn't run to my mother unless I had bones sticking out, because I didn't want her to get mad at me, so George's splinter situation made perfect sense. As did the notion of stuffing the contents of your room into your closet; whether it's the closet or under the bed or in your siblings' rooms, I feel like that's one thing many of us have done. It's always good to get relatable bits in there.
I would have liked to see more surprises in this story. The ending was brilliant; it all lined up perfectly, that Charlie thought they were pulling a prank, and to tell two boys (especially Fred and George) that they can pull whatever they want on their birthdays and get away with it is hilarious. It makes perfect sense. That is the sort of logic that I love to see as a reader, because it's so believable it feels like I should have known it beforehand, yet you made it sound new. It's also one of those details that works perfectly for HP fanfiction. However, The other surprises of the story didn't feel as surprising to me. For instance, you could tell the moment they handed Ginny the whipped cream that it would get everywhere, just because that sort of thing has been done many times before. I'm not against using it, because it's great for building suspense, but you could play off it more, and get more material out of it.
You got the theme across of the importance of age and growing up to little kids. Ginny kept saying "Not a baby!" and Fred counted the seconds down religiously, and it felt like the world would open up for them once they were six, from the way they talked. All the bits and pieces there came together, which was nice to see. And yet they kept proving that they were not that mature, or responsible, or really any different from before. It was the classic, cute kid story.
I do hope that the whole growing up, every second counting was the repetition you were going for, because that was what I clued into. There were a few times when I wondered if I was on the right track.
You did a pretty good job with Fred's voice as well. It felt legitimately like an almost six year old, the way he focused so intensely on things and made assumptions that anyone older could see were unrealistic. It sounded quite authentic.
On the whole, a good job with this one. It felt real, and my favorite part was by far the ending. Thanks for joining my challenge, hope you enjoyed it!Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the long review! I don't mind at all that you put it all at the end. :)
I agree with you that there weren't a lot (if any) surprises in this story. I suppose that a lot of people expect "surprise" in a Fred and George fic, because they are known for their pranks and pranks are supposed to be surprising. Honestly, I wasn't going for the element of surprise, but I do think that perhaps a little more of the unexpected might have strengthened the story as a whole. I also agree that I could have drawn out the ending a little more, because I didn't take complete advantage of the setup. That's something I'll have to definitely keep in mind for future projects. Good point.
I was going for the "cute kid story" vibe, so I'm glad you saw that. And yes, the countdown was the repetition I was going for, so it's good that you picked up on that, since that was the point. Haha! I hope it wasn't too too subtle...
I'm so glad you thought the little kid voices sounded authentic and that you liked the ending. I did enjoy your challenge and I did enjoy writing this! Report Review
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