I really like this so far, I hope you update soon.

Author's Response: Thanks, but I won't promise an update. I dont have time to write anymore

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Hello Ever!

I did think this was really very cute, but I will add that you might want to think about giving Anastasia and Sirius some more backstory, so we can know a little bit more about their relationship and how they acted with each other. :)

Author's Response: Hi(:

Thank! I will do that! I actually planned on having ti come slowly, piece by piece; ya know?

thanks for the review!

xx

Ever

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So, I'm going with this is kind of an AU, right? Sirius is out of Azkaban early, pregnant lily, your doing
Your own thing with details and timeline, right? I have a serious fangirl crush on Sirius. A bad boy with a heart of gold that just needs to be loved... How could anyone not have a crush on him?!? Anyway, I am very jealous of Anastasia, but love that you made her different from typical Sirius story women. She's a Malfoy, a Slytherin, and he is completely in love with her.

I'm excited to see where you take this! Very intriguing first chapter!!

Author's Response: Yes, it's AU:/

I do too!:D We can fangirl together, if you'd like! I love Anastasia, she's so great to write:D I love it!

Thanks for the review!

xx

Ever

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Ok, I love the story, but Sooo confused. He's only been gone 5 years?? he was in Azkaban for 12...
That's really the only thing annoying me, I'm very detailed when it comes to that, sorry.
Maybe it'll be explained later, it it does make the story kinda AU.
Also would make the story during Hogwarts Era, not Post Hogwarts like it's listed on the story summary with other info stuff. That kinda threw me off too.

Other than that I love the idea that he's in love with someone who was in Slytherin, I was thinking maybe you'd want to read my With Sirius Black story, but it wasn't just 1 chapter so I suggested the other one for the review swap. I'd love your opinion on it though lol if you're interested, no pressure.

I love that you had that flashback, it was very cute, and sweet with their first kiss, again a little confusing when he said Lily was pregnant, but you'll prolly explain that later too.

I thought all together your description was sooo good, I really saw everything clearly.
Great job! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Sorry...It's been pointed out...but I just can't find it in myself to change it. I don't know why. I just kinda...eh:/ this was my little baby, and I had written like.14? 15? maybe 16...chapters for it, but then I decided I hated it and deleted them all. I lost inspiration, which is disappointing because this was the only story I was 100% sure I knew were this plot was going to. It's really...depressing is too dramatic, but depressing I suppose for an author.

I know! He's in love with a girl from Slytherin! And a Malfoy:D haha! it's terribly wicked. You know...I will check out your sirius story, I'm sure I won't be disappointed! You're far too talented for me to be let down with anything you write(:

Thanks for your review doll face:D

xoxo

Ever



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A Sirius/OC! I haven't read one ages :) It's set in Hogwarts era, I see - I always do enjoy reading the adult Sirius more, especially about his life after Azkaban. It'll be nice to see how he's changed since then and how that'll affect Anastasia. Especially since it seems he's stuck there with her without a place to stay.

Some things I noticed:
I got a little confused at some of the 'he's. I got a bit confused when Sirius speaks and then you mention Lucius, and I wasn't sure who the paragraph was talking about for awhile. I do like that little detail about what Lucius says; I think it says a lot about your OC.

Quite a few places are missing spaces after commas and periods; you may want to fix those. 'silkly' should also be 'silky'. Maybe change 'whisper yelled' to something like 'hissed loudly' as well. I like the way you pace some of the scenes, they sort of pass nicely before my eyes :)

I wonder where this story will go! ^__^

Author's Response: Hhaha I love Sirius/OC

I'm sorry, I'll work on it!I really, really will! I promise! Thank you so much for the review!

xoxo

Ever

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Well that was an interesting start.

You did a good job of introducing Anastasia, I feel as though I have a pretty good sense of who she is, despite having just been introduced. Sirius seems a bit off to me (I can't imagine him dating or being friends with anyone from Slytherin, not after meeting James) but, the explanation that they were friends as children seems plausible to me.

I can't comment much on the plot as of yet, because there's not a ton going on in this chapter, but I am very interested in knowing what happens next!

The spelling/grammar was good, I'd read through it again as there were some spacing issues that made it a bit hard to read. I liked your writing style a lot! Everything was very well worded, pretty even. I always appreciate that.

I was a little confused about a couple things (Lily's pregnant?), but again, it's the first chapter so there's lots of room to explain that.

General overview: Good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such wonderful feedback in which I can use to improve my writing! It was really helpful! I am excited to continue this with new help to go off of! Thanks!

xoxo

Ever

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Hey!
I loved that the time setting is after Azkaban, as it's so unusual for any Sirius/OC story to not be during Hogwarts. There's so much that can be done with that time frame so it was really refreshing to read something that wasn't the norm.
Another thing that I really liked that wasn't typical was that you didn't make Sirius out to be some womanising, misogynistic Slytherin hater. You made him really normal which I've always imagined him as.
I liked your incorporation of the flashbacks (I'm a huuuge fan of flashbacks) and it just flowed well.
The only thing I noticed that you might want to possibly consider editing - the first paragraph used the word 'books' a lot, so maybe throwing out a "they" or "them" instead just to break it up a bit and make it flow better.
But apart from that I really enjoyed it, it's a good start and it's nice to finally see a version of Sirius that could have more depth than a shampoo bottle!

Author's Response: hello darling(:

It is unusual,so Im kinda sticking my neck out there writing this,so Im incredibly nervous!

I love Sirius haha:D he warms my heart! what a fan girl I am!

I love flashbacks,there in practically every chapter!

editing,got it! haha thanks for the lovely review!

xoxo

Ever

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Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks from the forums with your requested review :)

I don't commonly find myself reading about Sirius, just because he's not precisely one of my favourite characters, but I really did enjoy this. I like the start, how you described the apartment full of books Anastasia was sitting in. It was a good way to set the stage for the rest of the story. I also loved how it jumped right into a flashback as Sirius was leaving. That added to Anastasia's character and really introduced their relationship.

I also like Sirius' return to her in his uniform from Azkaban. It was definitely an expected ending, but you pulled it in a unique way. You leave Anastasia stunned at his reappearance and unable to ask just one question at a time. Not that I blame her or anything, because I'm pretty sure I'd be the same way.

I found one small grammatical thing that confused me just a bit:

"He slowly adjusted,and wrapped his arms around my waist.picking me up off the ground by at least a foot." -You have a period after waist, but the next section isn't a full sentence, so that could use a bit of editing.

Other than that small thing, I really did enjoy this story. It gave a sort of different light to Sirius and I really did enjoy it. Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hey girl(:

I'm sorry he's not your favorite character:P He's not my favorite character either,but I don't particularly dislike him either! Awesome(: I really love Anastasia because she's purely mine(: I've created her,I'm developing her character,and no one can tell me her characterization is wrong,and there's room to wiggle.

Oh sigh,expected endings. No matter what I do,this story will be terribly cliche. Glad to hear I did it in a unique way! I would be the same way too though,don't worry!(;

Sorry about the unnecessary period:P it was supposed to be a comma!

iI'm glad to hear that! Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

xoxo

Ever

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So I'm a little confused with all of this. I love the idea of this kind of story, but I'm not sure how their relationship formed and all of that. The reader was just kind of jumped in to nothingness, you know? I'm sure you're going to elaborate in more chapters, but I thought I'd touch on that just a little bit.

I think a history of the couple is definately in order. They seem so precious that I would really like to know more about them. Being as this is the first chapter, I'm not sure how you went about this. I think its a good cliff hanger type of thing. It seems you went with something that highlighted everything that is Sirius and Anastasia.

This story has a lot of potential to be something great. Relations to Malfoy and friends with Sirius while they were younger? Again, I would LOVE their history, haha. :D Anastasia seems like a three-dimentional character and I can't wait to see more of her. Good luck with this story, love!

Author's Response: wow!thank you so much for the lovely and helpful review:D you are the best!

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Pretty good story. :) There's a few grammar issues, but it's pretty much just simple stuff, like missing a coma here and there, or were instead of was (plural and singular stuff. Yuck.)

Anyhow, your characterization of Sirius seems to be pretty spot on, and I like Anastasia so far.

Good job. :)

Author's Response: Thanks(: you're review made me smile! Thanks for the swap.

xoxo

Ever

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Oh my god.

You seriously (siriusly :p) need to update this RIGHT NOW! I want to read more. This was brilliant! The pasion in the flashback, and just, wow. Your emotional writing is amazing.

I love the name Anastasia, and I thought Sirius' nickname 'anny' was adorable! I love the whole 'friends forever turned lovers' plot :) I can't wait to read more of this, it's going on my favorites for sure, update soon :)

Author's Response: Siriusly;D I will update soon! I cannot believe you added it to your favorites! I cant tell you how much that delights me! Anastasia is my second favorite name,my first is Adeline,which you'd regonize of course! Thank you so much for the most amazing review!

xoxo

Ever

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First off... SQUEEL!

Second wow! That was really quality writting. I really enjoyed it. The only thing I could say is in the first paragraph, you over used the word 'book' a bit much to the point where it was quite excessive.

Other then that, beautiful, as always! :)

Author's Response: Hooray!:D thank you so much! You have no idea how huge my grin is! Youre review totally makes my whol week,thank you so much!

xoxo

Ever

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This was cute^^ I really liked the past memory, it was well written and sweet.

Your beginning was really good, the description of the apartment, the slow coming it to the story, it "dragged" me in :)

I only have one little question: Why is it that she was thinking of Sirius right before he appeared? I mean, since he'd been gone for so long, what are the odds?

But other than that it was great!^^ Good work! :)

-June

Author's Response: thank you,you're so sweet(:

Erh,something in the book brought her to think of him! Yes,the odds are slim,but they live in a magical world so magical things happen;D

thanks for the review!

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Hey! I actually don't read the marauders all that much, so I don't really know how to comment on or compare this to other sirius fics. However, I can comment on it from a romantic drams sort of stand point. I think that you have a good structure for this first chapter. The memory sort of serves to fill the reader in of a part of their background and the present scene sets the stage for the rest of the story. Your use of description occurred in all the right places (see what I did there?) but perhaps in future chapters take into consideration how 'typical' or commonplace the descriptor is. The ones you use are good and effective, but I've found that less obvious descriptors to be more exciting to read since they aren't so commonplace. Also, I've found that it is helpful to extend description themes out for the scene. For example, you say, "I felt as though I were drowning in them." referring to his eyes. In a similar situation in the future, consider relating his eyes to something liquid and extend the metaphor out to the drowning. (this is just some advice to help tighten up description. I really think that you've made some aweoms strides here!! It's great to see writers working at things). The interaction between your Anastasia and Sirius is intriguing and I think sets up readers to want to continue on! I would, if you're keeping to canon check your dates. Ifyou you're not keeping to canon, ignore what I'm about to say! ;) Lily wouldn't have been pregnant with Harry until long after they left school and Sirius was incarerated in Azkaban for 12 years, not five. Other than that, I think this was a pretty solid chapter. I hope you find my comments on description helpful!! Good luck writing the rest of this story! Keep up the good work.

Melissa

Author's Response: Oh,I see. Good,structure is one of my weak points. Awesome(: I will definitely think about that when writing chapter 2. Awesome! I really love this story actually. I loved writing Anastasia,especially since no one can tell me I characterized her,because she's my creation(: Its not a canon story because Im lame:P considering Anastasia doesn't actually exist in the series,it can't be canon!;P Thanks for the review!

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