Ooh! I liked this! :D I love how Teddy trying to imitate Victoire's hair colour brings the story to a close, it was a nice touch. Hahaha. I also love how your characters weren't simply described with one or two words. You gave them their own different personalities.
I honestly enjoyed this, though I felt like the pace was just a off a bit. The start was really good with them being kids, but then suddenly we're transported into their later Hogwarts years without much transition. So maybe you could work towards that next time when you think revisiting this. :P
All in all it was a really nice one-shot. I enjoyed reading it. ♥
78th review out of 100 Report Review
Hey! Here for your requested review!
I think this was a beautifully written story. I loved your idea of starting with how Teddy and Victoire were little babies, and ending it with their finally getting together (tying well with the DH epilogue).
You asked me if the detail you've provided is sufficient or not. Well, to be honest, I think the story is surely lacking some more detail. I think you could have added more descriptions and maybe put in a few more flashback scenes.
Your characterisations of both Teddy and Victoire were quite good but I think they could have been developed a little more too, if you had added in more detail and descriptions.
Same goes for the pace - this seemed a little too fast paced as I think you skimmed over their lives a little too fast, so a little more detail and description, again, would have been nice.
But apart from that, this was a very well-written story. I liked your plot, and the whole concept of Teddy matching his hair colour with Victoire's. Their relationship development was also portrayed nicely through your effective use of various life stages. More detail and description would have been even better, but without that also, this was a lovely read.
The grammar was fine throughout the story, except towards the end you had a few typos. For example, it should have been "taught" and not "tought", and "tears in her eyes" not "tear sin her eyes".. etc.
But anyway, such small typos are not too distracting. You can always give your story a re-read and fix them, or get a Beta.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story. It was very sweet and touching in a way, and definitely well-thought and nicely written. Great job!!
Do keep writing, you definitely have room for improvement!
Hope my feedback wasn't too harsh for you. I am just trying to help :)
Feel free to re-request!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thank you for such an in-depth review!
thank you so much for your advice on the story. I've been aware of the few problems with it, and I'm going to try and fix it after my exams. I'll try to add a little more detail and show how the characters develop through their childhoods.
Thank you so much for this - I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Forget the wand and punch his face! I love it! Toire and Teddy forever!! :DAuthor's Response: I totally agree :) Best couple ever. Report Review
Aw . . .
Seriously, that's all I can say. The end just made it so sweet. :) Please tell me there's more?
I love how you've done Ted and Toire. Toire is almost always vain, or too perfect, and don't even get me started on what people do to Teddy. :)
But . . . I think there could be more detail, you kind of gloss over long periods of time.
(I still LOVE it to pieces, though)
I am proud to say I'm going to be the first favorite on this. :)
EllieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much- yes, I know it's a little lacking on detail, but i sort of wanted it to be that way, to emphasise how long they've known each other, and how long he's loved her- please read my other one-shots and novel if you want to!
Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
OH MY GOODNESS.
I LOVE THIS STORY.
I'll stop with the caps now, sorry. I JUST LOVE IT.
AHHH I love how you developed the characters - you absolutely nailed their personalities. I love how Victoire isn't vain. A lot of people seem to think she's really conceited or something, but I like how in this story she isn't. And Ted is just... perfect! Witty, confident, yet down-to-earth and insecure as well. Great!
I also LOVED how you tied it in with the DH epilogue, that was awesome!
Ah I just can't get over how much I enjoyed that. Good job!
-raznillaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'd never written a short story before, so I'm glad it went down well! I really love getting such nice comments, so thank you very much!
If you want more of that kind of thing, I'm writing another short story at the moment, about Luna and Neville, and I'm also doing a novel (you know, a 'those nineteen years' sort of thing), so feel free to read that too.
-unknownhorcrux Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection