I am totally in love with your writing! It's so unbelieavably moving!
No, really, I can't get enough of it. Andromeda is someone we hear very little of/about and I think, whether you realised or not, that ties in really cleverly with her reluctance to see people.
I love her dreams; her dreams of seeing her daughter, of talking to her daughter. Of being whole again. That, again, was incredibly touching.
Again, I really loved this story. The contrast between Teddy's youthfulness, and Andromeda's brokenness (whether that's a word or not, I don't know) is really effective. And the bit where she says she can't go for lunch because of her hens? That was good, too. Report Review
This was so sad. It almost made me cry. Really loved it, you're a great writer. I loved the ending, when Annie "talks" to her daughter. So beautiful.Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much. What lovely comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it, if 'enjoy' is the right word! Report Review
This was a great read. I had tears in my eyes most of the time because it is so sad and the thought of losing a child is heartbreaking to me. It was a nice touch that Annie was able to change her eye color so it would remind her of her loved ones. Great story but the only thing I noticed is I think there is a word missing when Annie is describing the picture on her beside table.
I'm truly glad I read this!
Megthechef43 aka MegAuthor's Response: Hi Meg
I'm glad you enjoyed this story, even though it made you sad! Thanks so much for pointing that out - I'll change it now!
Athene xo Report Review
You don't do many stories, it looks like, out of the realms of the Weasley clan. You SHOULD. I loved Andromeda as a character, and we hardly ever got to see her in the books - her story is just as sad as Harry's - she loses her family and her children, is disowned by those who were supposed to love her unconditionally, and in the end is left raising a her grandchild alone.
I love how bittersweet this moment is. Is that a nice thing to say? I think a lot of the time, I know I'M guilty of trying to steer things to the nicer side - of repairing relationships - of everything being bright and golden. This is so far from that, it's haunting. Honestly I love this bit and wish there was honestly MORE to it.
The hints that Andromeda has seemed to inherited that tiny, tiny bit of her daughter's magic is just...wow. The eyes truly are the window to the soul, and this seemed to be the perfect reflection of that - well done.
Lastly - I Love love LOVE the relationship hinted at being struck between Molly and Annie. Usually stories that feature her have her reconciling with Narcissa or something - which has always seemed unlikely to me. But here are two women - to loving mothers - who have lost something, and they end up concoling each other. I would really like to heard about that relationship even more - how Molly looks at Andromeda and sees past the reflection of a woman she killed, and who tried to kill her daughter, and who was somewhat responsible for the death of her son. Wow.Author's Response: I think Andromeda's story is so very tragic; in fact, wanting to write her story is what got my involved with HPFF. So much awful stuff happened to her, and I don't think she has much of a chance of happiness other than Teddy. So, I wanted to focus on the good things in her life (friends like Molly, her life with Teddy, country living, and even her slight metamorphmagus powers) as well as the sadness and lingering anger.
I think it makes sense that Molly and Andromeda might be friends; they probably understand each other better than anyone. I do plan to write about 'Annie' again, and if I do I will certainly include the Molly connection.
Finally - as much as I love the Weasleys and am comfortable with them, I am branching out a little! I'm working on a Luna one-shot at the moment and have a story for Malfoy swirling around my brain. I'll also definitely be writing about all three Black sisters at some point!
Thank you for the lovely review, and particularly the first lines! It takes a bit of a confidence boost to leave your comfort zone and I think that's what you've given me. Report Review
I was wondering who “Annie” would be in your story. How interesting that you made it Andromeda! I never read stories about her but she became an essential part of Teddy’s life following the War and thus must’ve been more featured in Harry’s life as a result. Going by the diminutive “Annie” is a ridiculously brilliant move considering that “Andromeda” proclaims her Pureblood heritage proudly while “Annie”, at least to me, brings her closer to the Muggle-born side of her family.
There were so many lines that just kind of twisted me inside but this line - It felt strangely cruel to Annie that her own face should remind her of the hated sister, yet show barely a trace of her lost daughter, the missing piece of her heart. - did it more so for me. Thinking of something so crappy actually happening in real life is just awful. Having Annie’s eye color begin to change was such a finishing touch to the overall story and that last line, gah, I have no words.
The story was sad without being too heavy and just beautiful in how real it was. I felt myself in Annie’s shoes. Very nicely done.Author's Response: You're the only person who has commented on her name change! I just think it fits her much better at this point in her life, as 'Andromeda' is a very Black family name and I think she'd want to distance herself from it. Andromeda Black and Annie Tonks sound like two very different people!
You also picked out my favourite line from this story! I thought about Harry mistaking her for Bellatrix, and wondered how that would affect her. She didn't seem best pleased at the time, and that was *before* her sister/Death Eaters killed her husband, daughter, and son-in-law.
Thank you very much for the kind words, I'm glad you enjoyed this story. Report Review
Andromeda by the baby, the way you described their body movements.. everything was wonderful. During the scene I felt that sense of sorrow, you know this isn't’ right and isn’t really happening, and you want it to be so bad, that when it isn’t, it hurts. You captured and portrayed that so well!
“I inhaled deeply, wishing I could bottle the inimitable soft powdery smell of a beloved infant”
this line did the most for me in completing the imagery. The entire rest of this scene I was smelling that ‘fresh baby’ smell, it was such a good addition.
The first interaction between Teddy and Annie is so sweet and warm. I love your characerization of Annie so far. She seems real, and you have put so much detail into her morning cores that I really feel like I was with her during the process. Only, thank goodness I wasn’t because I hate chickens ;).
I love that Molly has come up twice now by the time we get to the part about Annie going to get dressed. I really think her relationship would have strengthened with the Weasleys, and you make that obvious without actually saying it, one of a writer’s best tools, imo.
“When he returned from his first term at Hogwarts full of stories and laden with homework, Annie was relieved. She hadn’t failed him, or his parents.” This is such a powerful line. Despite the fact that you have so far kept the story rather warm and comforting (besides the dream) this little line drives back to home everything that they both lost.
“Annie had for many years tried to banish the ghost of her older sister from her mind, but her stomach still lurched whenever she saw a glimpse of Bellatrix in her own features.” Holy Cow. This line made me shudder.
“Harry had stared at her with his unsettling green eyes for a moment longer than she would have liked, but then seemed to accept her excuse.” You completely captured canon Harry in this sentence. He would have known what she was feeling, but wouldn’t have wanted to force her into coming. Beautifully done.
“Oh Dora. My heart aches. I tell you that on the days in which my eyes turn dark blue, his hair goes bright pink.” That put me over the edge.
This was such a beautifully written story, so complete realistic, heart breaking, and moving all at the same time. You are a wonderful writer, I really don’t even have any CC.
Thanks for such a perfect read!Author's Response: Wow thank you Jchrissy! I can't believe my writing actually made you shudder and cry and say 'Holy cow'!
I'm really happy that you enjoyed this story... I think I may have to revisit Andromeda at some point, particularly with the Molly friendship... in fact, I may incorporate a couple of mentions of 'Annie' in The Growing Gathering.
I'm very happy that you liked Harry's brief cameo in this. I just thought about Harry, and how someone who didn't know him might find him (and his green eyes!) slightly unsettling... but we, knowing him so well, can see that he's just thinking of how best to be kind to her.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the kind words!
I'm looking forward to continuing with Before They Fall :)
Athene xo Report Review
Here for Slytherin review tag!!
Aw this was such a sweet little piece. I loved the way you wrote the story. The narrative was very smooth and the plot was beautifully constructed. I could feel Andromeda's emotions - how much she missed her daughter and how much she loved her and her son. It was all nicely woven. I especially liked the part about Andromeda's eyes changing colors, that was a very nice touch to the story. The ending line was really very sweet too. Over all, you did an awesome job with the story!
~Recenseo~Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review!
I'm glad you felt that the narrative was smooth; writing it, it felt a little disjointed but I recently added a passage and I think that it flows a bit better now.
I'm also pleased that you liked the ending line... it's always a bit tricky trying to write the final line!
Athene xo Report Review
I thoroughly enjoyed that. wow. very well written, I love the fresh perspective. thank you!Author's Response: Thank you for reading it and leaving a comment :)
I'm glad you enjoyed Through Annie's Eyes. Report Review
beautifully written, i think you grasped andromeda's point of view perfectly. i was completely immersed in this story from beginning to end, 10/10!
and i enjoy reading stories from the perspectives of characters we dont often hear from, well doneAuthor's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read and review!
I'm very glad you enjoyed this story and felt a sense of immersion in it.
I also love minor characters; some of them have such a great story to tell, none more so than Andromeda Black-Tonks. I'll be writing about her again, I think.
Thanks again for the lovely review, it has made my day.
-Athene Report Review
Hi! Ravenclaw_Charm here with your requested review! Sorry it took so long :P
Just found a couple mistakes, nothing too major, though. Muggle is capitalized, if I'm not mistaken, and I saw a few mistakes in dialogue punctuation. Like I said, not too big of a deal. Also, you claimed to "abuse semicolons" in your request, haha. I just caught one "abuse" ;)
I laugh as I remember the letter he wrote, describing his calamitous attempt at getting onto the quidditch team; as quick and well-built as he is; your son has inherited your dreadful clumsiness.
First semicolon is cool, but the second would be better as a comma. "As quick and well-built as he is" is a subordinate clause, therefore it needs a comma afterwards. :)
I really enjoyed these! Annie was written so beautifully (well, this piece was written so beautifully, haha). I love how you described the effects of the war on her and how you wrote her reaction to Tonks and Remus's deaths. Well done! It was really sweet (yet sad) that you wrote about Annie being a slight metamorphagus. All her reactions were great; my favorite has to be her reaction to seeing Bill in the station. I never thought about Tonks/Bill, but now Teddy/Victorie makes some sense, haha.
All your minor characters were well done as well. Teddy was a nice mix of both his parents, which was great to read. Harry stayed pretty close to canon but with more of an adult vibe to him.
I really enjoyed the connection between Molly and Annie. It was perfect. Also, Annie seeing Bellatrix in her reflection was great too; sometimes I tend to forget that they're sisters because they're just so dissimilar, but I'm glad you brought that up. Oh, and the ending was perfect - bittersweet, loved it :)
Again, sorry for being late! Excellent fic! Thanks for requesting! :DAuthor's Response: Ooh thank you thank you for the lovely long review!
Cheers for pulling me up on the grammar, I will rectify those two issues immediately. I don't actually know how that semicolon got there.
Blame the nargles.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed Annie's metamorphmagus tendencies, it was one of my favourite ideas in this fic; the way I see it, there must be a recessive gene somewhere for Tonks to be such a talented metamorphmagus, and I thought that a huge trauma might just bring it out in her mother.
I'm also really glad you enjoyed her reaction to seeing Bill. I have to admit to thinking a lot about Andromeda Black/Tonks when I first finished reading the books. She's a real heroine (a Black marrying a Muggle?!) who sacrifices her life with one family only to have her chosen family taken away from her.
I'm very happy that you thought Harry stayed close to canon. I decided that for someone who didn't necessarily know Lily Potter Sr or Harry, his eyes might be a little unsettling.
Ah, I could just ramble all day. You've picked out all my favourite bits to write about! The Bellatrix/Andromeda/Narcissa triangle is one I'd love to explore in more depth.
Please, do not apologise for being late... getting a review like this makes my day. Scratch that, it makes my week.
Very happy that you enjoyed it!
Athene xo Report Review
Hi there, it’s SapphireatDawn from the forums with your review! Apologies on the lateness. I thought this was a very interesting and powerful one-shot, the type I simply love to read. I loved the dream sequence at the beginning, it felt natural, felt like a dream and the metaphor of shadowy Ted taking Dora was great. Very well executed. However, the dream at the end felt a little out of place. Whereas the first one fit smoothly into the story, as it was a progression from Andromeda asleep to waking up in the morning, the second one felt abrupt and almost tacked onto the end. There was no progression as there was in the first and so it felt strange. I thought you could have made it a smoother transition by perhaps showing more of Andromeda’s day, maybe she returns to the house and in the evening looks at some old photograph albums, which would foreshadow the dream a little bit more. This is not to say I didn’t like the end dream sequence, I thought it was very touching, I just think that structurally, it was a little out of place.
Your writing itself was good, I thought. It was engaging and well thought out. I’d like to have a look at some of your other stuff to see how it compares because I think you’d be able to tell a good story. However, at times I think you put a little too many descriptive words into your narrative which sort of detracted from what you were actually trying to say, for example ‘the warm floorboards’, ‘fluffy blue dressing gown’ and ‘rubber wellingtons’. Adjectives are best used sparingly because adding them in everywhere can lead to purple prose, and as I’ve said, detract from the story you’re trying to tell.
Overall, I liked this very much. It’s an interesting take on Andromeda and a very poignant, emotional one shot that was a pleasure to read.Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback!
I'm glad you felt the dream sequence was realistic- well, at least as realistic as a dream can be!
I've been wondering what to do about the final section, so thank you for the advice on that. I think I will add a linking paragraph, Andromeda returning from the station and sitting down alone etc.
I take your point about the adjectives; purple prose in fanfic is one of my own pet peeves! I've had a good look at the new one-shot I'm waiting to be validated and have cut down on the adjectives. Guilty as charged!
I just had the second chapter of a new short story validated, if you want to read more of my stuff - I know I have only a small collection at the moment!
Thank you so much for your review, it's really great to get some feedback and I'm very glad that you enjoyed my writing. Report Review
Hey there! Do forgive me for the length of time this review took to get to you. I'm a slack reviewer and I'd had a couple of bad days this week so yeah...So sorry.
I don't think it was that confusing, I was able to keep up with what was happening pretty easily, though I suggest you try and work on your scene transition.
I love the way you characterised Andromeda and brought out that grieving-mother-and-widow side of her. Theough the chapter was a bit jumpy, the sadness along with all the emotions flowed like a river throughout the story. I was a bit teary towards the end when she was talking to Nymhadora about Teddy.
If this is your first one-shot you deserve quite a big applause, I am very much impressed. I can't seriously believe it! You wrote this story so well, that its just so hard to believe. Oh well, good on ya for producing such awesome stories! I hope to see more of you around the forums in here, yes? :)
Overall, a great piece of work that showed so much emotions so easily that I can't believe that it is your first one-shot. :P 9/10
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review :)
I had been thinking about how to transition the scenes, so thank you for bringing that one up. I haven't come up with anything yet though!
Thanks again, and you will be seeing me around quite regularly I hope! Report Review
First off I want to say that I didn't find this confusing at all. It is a little jumpy, but I was able to keep up with where you were going with it.
I haven't read anything about Andromeda like this before so this was quite a treat. I thought you did a superb job bringing out the pain of a mother losing a child and it was really powerful. I could feel the emotions run through the chapter. I even found myself tearing up a couple of times because some of the passages you wrote were so profound for example...
"I looked down at the baby, and my heart swelled as I realised that this was not my grandson I was holding. It was another baby, just as precious, but a memory from a much longer time ago. This baby had a feathery tuft of black hair, and wide hazel eyes. She sneezed, surprising herself, and stared suddenly up at me. Her hair had turned an astonishing shade of pink. This was a baby whose warmth I had not felt for many years; a baby who had grown into an extraordinary woman. A woman I was proud to call my daughter."
I could feel the yearning in Andromeda's heart.
The last bit was just as astounding. You really made it heartfelt.
As for being trite...I don't think it is at all...in fact I think it's quite an original glimpse into a minor characters POV. How she is coping with life without her Dora and her husband. How she is living life with Teddy and learning that she could love someone the way she loves Teddy because she sees her daughter in him. I also thought it was really clever how she found out that she could change her eye color and it was almost in sync with Teddy's pink hair color.
Keep up the great work!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Thank you for the review :) I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I just find the minor, forgotten characters so interesting and Annie has quite a lot of stuff happen to her, including being a Black falling in love with a Tonks! I'll be writing something about that at some point I think.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! Report Review
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)
Is this seriously your first one-shot!?! I don't believe it! The way this was written was so powerful and intricate, the emotions were so well-portrayed, and it made me feel as if I was Andromeda myself! Your writing style is beautiful! The words you used were so powerful.
I seriously think that when you post more stories you will become a very well-know author on this website! I'm not even exaggerating, because even as someone who's been on this site for a while, I still can't write this good! XD
Keep on writing!! I would love to read more of your stories, and I think you have amazing potential! Loved this. Author's Response: Oh wow, Rosie! Thank you so much for the amazing feedback!
This really is my first one-shot so your review has bowled me over.
I've just had the first chapter of a new story published, it's not the best and needs work but I'm enjoying writing it. I'll add it to your reviews thread :)
Thank you again! Report Review
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