Great chapter, definitely looking forward to more. Naughty Tristan though... As stupid as Bonnie is, I hope she doesn't get too hurt as she doesn't seem like a particularly nasty person. That Skander kid sounds interesting, I hope we get to see more of him too and Hugo. I love Aidan. I don't really know why, I just do.

Anyway, well done and update soon!

GirlOnTheSidelines x

Author's Response: Tristan is definitely naughty, he has no boundaries and he doesn't care about right and wrong.

You'll see that Bonnie is as dumb as she maybe pretends to be. ;) But, no, she's not nasty. I guess we'll see what happens to her.

You'll see a bit more of Skander and Hugo, but they pop up together a lot in my stories (he's a recurring character), so you can know more.

Everyone should love Aidan, he's very lovable. I'm glad you like him. He is also a character who likes to pop up... Actually, I have a few. :D

I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.

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Great chapter! I'm interested to see what a jealous Roxanne will do..

Author's Response: More jealous Roxy in the next chapter. Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.

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I like that he's going against the norm and sitting at other tables.

I am also loving Roxannes talk with Tristan about Hugo and Skander. The way that she described Hugo is so true!!

Tristan and Bonnie aye? He definately doesn't have any self control at all! And he bit her! Glad he covered that up :D And Roxanne is definately jealous of them.

Wonderful chapter! I can't wait to read more :D

Author's Response: Norms are over-rated in Tristan's eyes. Who needs norms when you can be an awesome vampire? :P

It so is. He's just so... Not good, but awesome at the same time. It's why we love him. :D

Yep, Tristan and Bonnie. Lets see where it goes. ;) Self control is not on his mind right now. And, yes, she so is. :P

Thank you for leaving a review!

Sam.

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I love how you've portrayed Roxanne and having her knowing everything about everyone, and how she loves to gain knowledge on people.
I love that Tristan has a fridge of blood in the kitchens, that's really good that the house elves don't mind, but they're probably too scared to do anything.
It's amazing that Tristan can sense werewolfs, I wonder too if Aidan can sense something different with Tristan?
Ahhh they're talking about Vampires and there is one right there! :D Brilliant!
I think that Tristan is going to ace that class and probably correct the teacher.
I can't wait for Aidan to find out what Tristan is :D and I think that Roxanne will definately find out a lot more about Tristan.
Brilliant chapter! I am seriously in love with all of your characters and stories :D

Operation: Green with Envy

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I really want a Tristan and Roxanne relationship to happen right away haha, as nice as Aidan may be :D
Ah they're friends with benefits, like you just said :D That makes me happier.
Oh he's a werewolf? Is she going to be caught in the middle of a Vampire/werewolf romance?
Ah Tristan will just be 'trasnfering' I had images of him trying to hide in the school haha, skulking around corners and sleeping in the cupboards :D
Ahh the love has started with them staring at each other and Tristan winking at her! :D
I am really liking Tristan, I think he's up there with one of my favourite characters from your stories, although in fairness all of your characters are my favourites :D

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Wow he is really old! I can't even work out how old he is (I probably could if I wasn't being so lazy :p)
I know that the Founders created Hogwarts a very very long time ago, but it's still crazy to imagine people went to Hogwarts and Hogsmeade that long ago.
Oooo I wonder who that guy was?
Has Tristian pretended to transfer to the school or is he just going to 'break in'?
I love that Fred glued Hermione and Ron together! That's so funny! :D
Yay! You included Hugo being a theif :D
This is definately another one of your stories that I've favourited :D I think I've favourited every story that more then a one shot I think? If not I'm going to be :D

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So he's going to Hogwarts? :D
I wonder what the different stones and gems could mean? what is he going to do? I need to know! haha
I am really loving that he's a vampire and seeing the flashbacks of him getting the stone and the hurt he went through to get it. I hope that it's worth it.
The vampire diaries is so good! I love it! (Although I've only seen up to season 3)

Author's Response: He's going to Hogwarts!

The stones are a very important means to Tristan's end. You'll find out why soon enough. ;)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.

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He survived that hanging? He's got to be supernatural!
That was a very good and interesting first chapter! I have so many questions, how old is he? Is he a vampire? I'm going for vampire because of the whole draining someone of blood thing, What is the jem for? And how is he going to be involved with ROxanne?
I can't wait to find out more!

Author's Response: He is supernatural. You'll find out what spin the next chapter. :D

All of your questions will be answered as the story continues. Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.

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Hey, it's Whiskey from Holiday Review Swap!

I liked the beginning of this story very much! You didn't waste any time or space on superfluous description because late 19th century London is a setting we all know very well.Nor did you try to delve much into the character's mind, leaving him to remain a mystery for a while longer. It was quite gripping.

If I could offer some advice, then it would be to limit the amount of times you used the word "he". Try replacing it with "the fugitive", "the prisoner", "the man" etc. Or try rephrasing the sentences into a bit more complicated format so that you don't need to use it at all.

Also, some more setting description of the boat might have added to the excitement of the last part of the chapter. It seemed a bit rushed to me ...

Happy writing!
Cheers :D

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm really glad you like the beginning. He's a very mysterious character; even when you know more than the other characters, you won't know everything. That's what I love about mysteries. :)

Thank you so much for leaving a review and for the critique, I'll be reading over my story again. :D

Sam.

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SAM. I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE. BUT MY LOVE FOR YOU. IT HAS GROWN.

So mysterious and elegant and in such a wonderful time period! My, my, my and an inconceivable escape? What could be better?

OH WAIT. A WILD SAM HAS APPEARED. YES THAT IS WHAT MADE IT BETTER.

I felt like I was really there the whole time, my eyes glued to the screen as I didn't know what on earth was going on, but at the same time I felt like I could feel the characters breathe you had such vivid descriptions.

His wit when he was being hung was brilliantly done - I don't know who on earth he is, but I like him a lot and you've done a brilliant job with characterization in just a few words. I kind of got the Moriarty vibe in his last words, elegant and under control, even when it looked like he had no way out AND THEN BOOM. MAGICAL ESCAPE. AHHH PLOT TWIST.

His change in identity at the end also really added to him as a whole. The quick response for the new name and the pitiful story to win some sympathy worked so well with his desperate words.

He is quite the trouble maker too, now isn't he? Running amuck and committing some pretty hefty crimes for... the philosopher's stone? Something else? I can't wait to see!

I'm also excited to see where Roxanne comes into this, especially as he is going to America in 1872? So much untold, ahh it's so exciting!

:wub: You're fantastic and so is that CI and the banner and your everything!
Annie

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A rather interesting beginning! I think you've set up your original character rather well and have made this first chapter a great start! This chapter brought up questions about who this boy is, what he has to do with Dom and what is going to happen now that he has left England. And what exactly is that red gem that was so important for him to take? I guess only reading on will tell me. This story is so different from what I usually read (basically just romance) so this one caught my eye right away! I can't really say much though about how you are doing on the other genres as I dont have much experience with them but I would say that so far you have set up the mystery/action/adventure part of the story rather well. I think that this is a great beginning to your story and leaves your readers wanting to know more! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Yay. I'm glad. I like when readers have questions, though do you mean Roxanne, not Dom? All questions shall be answered.

There will be romance in this story, a little. I don't think it's enough to put it as a genre, but I always write a little. But i'm glad you read it anyway, this is one of my favorite stories to write, with two of my favorite genres - horror and mystery. :D

Thank you so much for choosing to read this story. I hope you stay for more. :)

Sam.

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*Screaming* I loved this chapter and hell yes do I want it to be more frequent please update soon I already a completely in LOVE with it :)

Author's Response: I hope to update again really soon. Thank you. :)

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I think that this story is brilliant! Honestly I love the way you have structured your story it just makes you want to read more. I cant wait to read the next part... upload soon I cant wait!:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm really glad you like it because I love this story and I've recently started to continue. :)

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Hey Sam! So, remember at some point in... oh, February you requested a review from me on this story? Well guess who's finally got to it? Yup, that would be slightly ashamed old me who hates to admit that it's taken her this long but it has... so my excuse is exams and general life taking it's effect. But, to make up for the four month delay I'm going to be going overly in depth and as constructively critical as I can possibly be. Like betaing in a way (just remembered I have loads of chapters of yours to beta; gosh, I'm terrible). OKAY.

So, the first sentence is so grabbing and ACK that I'm very excited by this whole thing (reading whilst reviewing, for the win). It was such a crisp clear line. One of those grabbing the reader by their hair and pulling them along sort of things. It's awesome :D

The crowd stared in stunned silence at his indifference to the fact he was going to die and his answer This line felt a tad awkward to me. I think it was the 'and his answer' bit at the and. Maybe 'at both his indifference...'

"Time to go," he said to no one and was gone before the officials could reach the street corner. This bit of dialogue should finish with a full stop. Also, I think it might work slightly better as two sentences? "Time to go." He said to no one. He was gone before the officials could reach the street corner. Just a thought! As always, feel free to ignore.

Just, another point, I think you should have highlighted his persona change a little more. The mental process of forgoing his slightly crazed, adventurer type attitude to a boy who needs help. The change felt too sudden, which is kind of good I suppose, but I thought it would be nicer to have more description behind the motivation behind the manipulation, if you see what I mean.

OKAY. Now, onto the fun stuff. You asked abut description, flow and characterisation.

So, starting with flow. I really liked the way you structured this with the small snippets which made everything feel really fast paced and urgent. It definitely suited your writing style to have it so concise and precise and spread out like that. I really liked it. It was all shiny and what not. As usual, your writing flows really quite well - but you should know that by now. You have a nice way of writing that makes readability both easy and pleasurably, which is quite a talent.

Description. Well, I think that you're writing style doesn't lend itself to vast amounts of description. Personally, I like a little more description about the depths of the characters and such, but as a first chapter you didn't really need much of that and it worked really well with the amount, and of course, the quality that you had.

Characterisation - well, I like Tristan Chase plenty. He has that attractive sort of you're-bad-but-you're-also-hot sort of air to him which I can tell is going to be really fabulous when this story gets going a lot more.

As a first chapter it was definitely entertaining and exciting and definitely leads me to wanting to read plenty more and such! Thanks for requesting and feel free to do so again if you want :)

-AC

Author's Response: Hey, Helen. So, wow. Sorry this has taken so long...

That first line was literally the basis for this story - I had no idea how I was going to start it (was he back in time? Was he with Roxanne? etc), but as I was thinking of this, I had this little vision of this happening to him and I had to use it. So, I'm glad it drew you in. :D

(Editing as I read) Thank you for pointing out those suggestions, I've gladly added them. :)

Thank you! That's an amazing compliment from you, Helen!

Description I'm still working on, even now, but it's something I'd like to think I'm getting better at.

I'm so glad you like Tristan - he's definitely all of what you said. He uses it all to his advantage. ;)

Thank you so much for leaving this review, Helen. It's really helped me!

Sam.

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This is a really great start, I am already enthralled and I hope you keep going. This is unlike most of the other stories I've read here and I'm really eager to see where it is going so please update soon,
HiddenFace.

Author's Response: This will be continued, don't worry. The next chapter is almost finished, so it should be posted soon. :)

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Hullo!
I'll start with the critique again. :)

"his Armani [sunglesses] up" -- typo, sunglasses.
"to trace [it's] whereabouts" -- here you need to change it's to its as it otherwise reads as "to trace it is whereabouts".

"his hands through it one [to] many times" -- too.

"What is ... stones that would [would] willingly travel the world to find them[.]" -- extra would and this sentence doesn't make sense unless you add a pronoun in the place of the extra would.
This sentence starts with 'what' so therefore a question mark is needed instead of the full stop.

"his list of [priorites]" -- typo, priorities.
"Henry scoffed [halfheartedly]." -- typo, there needs to be a dash/space between half-heartedly.

"had [obvivously] believed" -- typo, obviously.
"him to stop[,] then a spell" -- either remove the comma or add 'and' after the comma.

"out at [arms] length" -- need to add an apostrophe here, arm's.

On to the story!

I really enjoyed this chapter, because of all the time jumps everywhere. Its very interesting to read two different eras in one chapter - to see that nothing about Tristan has changed very much, his goal and mannerisms are the same. I think you've done really well in the consistency of his character. :)

I'm glad you alluded to what Tristan is rather than just outright saying it, because it gives the reader the chance to come up with theories on what he could be. I had guessed as much from the last chapter that he was a Vampire (lots of reading & episodes of TVD does to that to you ;D).

You've really made me interested in what he wants the gems for exactly and what he has to go through now to get the final one seeing as from the time jumps its taking him quite long to retrieve them all.

I didn't find the name changes particularly confusing, but its good you pointed out seeing as some other readers might. :)

Anyway, its a really good chapter - I enjoyed it!

Cirque.

Author's Response: Hey.

I'll get to those errors, thank you. :)

Yeah, Tristan only has one goal in mind and it has taken him a long time, but we'll get to why that is as the story continues. :) And, yes, he's a Vampire. I agree, TVD does that. :P

Thank you. :)

Sam.

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Hiya! Its HopelessRomanticx from the Forums with your review!

I found this really interesting as a first chapter, but just some nitpicky things (most suggestions and just me being...me ahah, feel free to ignore!)

"He rubbed at the rope bound around his wrists, [itching him,]" -- here I feel like this sentence is quite awkward so I would word it as "He rubbed at the itching rope bound around his wrists".

"and looked up to the [judge]" -- capitalise Judge.

"he was going to die and [his answer]" -- this seemed like it was an afterthought rather than an important attachment. I think you need to add an adjective before 'answer' like 'absurd' or 'uncouth'.

"to the [judge] standing" capitalise Judge.
"red [jem] and held it up" -- spelt as 'gem'.

As for the broken speech of the old man - I think you need to tone it up a little to really emphasise his voice so instead of ""What are you doin' back here?"" rid of the 'you' so its a bit rougher.

""An' who gave you permission to come aboard me boat." -- "An' 'oo gave you permisstion t'come aboard me boat?"

That sort of thing. :)

On to your story!

I love the idea of this alreayd - the mystery of this character, how does he get away with not dying, is he really just a Wizard, why would he want a jewel, how often does he do this, how old is he? All those lovely thought-provoking question makes my inside squee in pleasure. :D

I think you've really got an interesting premise and to use such easy language with the time period is also very important and really encourages readers to try out older time periods and not find it hard/boring.

I think I might have liked a little more description/monologe of Tristan at the beginning of this chapter, but otherwise it was perfect and I enjoyed this very much!

Cirque.

Author's Response: Hey, sorry it's taken so long to respond...

I shall be going through those errors soon, thank you for pointing them out to me. :)

I love that you have these questions, It'll make it interesting when you figure out what he is... :P

Thank you so much for the review.

Sam.

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Review tag!

So i really enjoyed the first chapter of this story, and now I'm back and pleased to see that the second chapter did not disapoint!

I;m really enjoying the variety of setting in the story so far. Victorian London, futuristic NYC and 1600's Paris are all so fascinating, and you made good use of them.

I loved the amount of suspense that has ocurred so far. The plot is movingalong really quickly, and I'm anxious to find out the significance of the stone and why he's going to such lengths to obtain it.

And wow he's a vampire. Its nice to read a story about vampires that's actually good, unlike a certain other series that I won't mention.

Great job so far, I'd love to read more when you write it!

Author's Response: Yay! There are a few shifts in time like that, so I'm glad you're enjoying that.

Ah, the stones. Their significance will be known soon enough. :)

YES! I love vampires, so I love that Tristan is one in this story. And thank you, but we will never mention that series...

I've almost finished the next chapter. Thanks for the review.

Sam.

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Hi! Thanks for the swap :)

Ooh, neat! A very intriguing beginning. I can see hints of Jack Sparrow, Sherlock Holmes and others in Tristan, and I already like his devil-may-care characterization, though of course it will be helpful if more depth is added to him later on in the tale.

As for critique, the action here did seem to go a bit fast, and I think you could have benefited from a bit more description. I think you could paint the scene a little without giving away too much of the plot if you're careful, just to make the reader feel more involved in the story and relate to your character.

Great job! :)

Amanda

Author's Response: I think hints of Jack and Sherlock were happy coincidences. I never planned Tristan to be like them, but I have no doubt they were on my mind, being two of my favorite people. And Tristan is awesome like them. :P

You will know more about Tristan as the story continues, definitely. His whole "mission" is based on his past. :)

I must say, I tend to avoid action because I'm terrible. LOL. Thank you for the critique.

Sam.

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Hello :)

Okay. I really liked this. Like, a lot. Will definetely add it to my favourites xD

I love stories set in the 17 and 1800's! There's just something so special about them - and you've really done it justice! The hanging, the search, the jump onto the boat and then the jewel - it really had that 'old-time' feel about it! So congrats xD

Your main character was suspicious and covered in mystery - I actually want to learn more about him. (And after reading your summary - how he gets involved with Roxanne 150 years later!

Brilliant first chapter! xD

Keira :)

Author's Response: Hey!

I love stories set in this era, I'm almost sad to leave. But we must.

Ah, Tristan; he's currently my favorite OC to write about. And you'll shall see in chapter two how he meets Roxanne. :P

Thank you.

Sam.

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I am finally here to review this!

I really like this story. I mentioned in my last review that I really love historical stuff, which you've got in abundance - how can you not, writing about a vampire that's hundreds of years old?

Your description is terrific. There's enough that I have a clear picture of what's going on and don't feel weighed down by dialogue, but there's not so much the story drags. It's very well done. The one thing I would have liked to see a little more of would be little things - especially things like the tone of their voices - that gets the mood across better. Toward the end in particular, when Henry is giving him the girl, just a little more detail about how they were speaking or their movements would have helped really make the scene pop.

My only issue with the time skips was that they felt a bit haphazard. Don't get me wrong - I like time skips a lot, and I don't think that they need to lead into each other perfectly or have a very linear connection. However, the third one just felt a little confusing to me in the context of the other two - I would have liked maybe a little more in 2022 before the backtrack.

I'm afraid I'm not articulating myself very well. Does that make any sense at all?

On the whole, though, excellent chapter that I really, really enjoyed. :)

Author's Response: I love historical stuff so much, it's a good job I do writing about an old vampire. LOL.

I'm not exactly what you mean. There wasn't really much he was doing and I didn't want the scene to drag or readers to be bored. But there is a lot more of 2022 to come. There are a few 'flashbacks' in this fic. To tell the story of what he's doing, why he's doing at, and so characters you meant later don't just pop up and you end up thinking "who's this and where did they come from," but they're not every chapter.

If I haven't gotten what you meant, feel free to PM me on the forums. I'll happily answer any questions.

Thank you. :)

Sam.

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Sam! Here I am for your requested review!

So far, I really like how you're going to go with your plot. Judging by this and the summary, it sounds like it is going to be great! The idea is original and very entertaining!

First of all, I'll talk about characterisation. How about we start with Jacob/Tristan? I'm going to call him Tristan to save time. Anyway, I think he is written really well. I can imagine him being a bad boy. So far, he certainly is not a Gary-Stu as he has lots of faults but just in case, I would avoid making him too much of a heart-throb-bad-boy. I don't think you are going that way with him but I just thought I'd point it out.

I really want to see where you go with him as he seems like such an interesting character.

I really like how you wrote this in general. It is really short but I think the length works well with this as it add's effect and makes the reader want to go onto the next chapter.

I did not spot any spelling/grammar mistakes which is good. Also, this flows really well. I didn't find any big interruptions and each part glided perfectly into the next.

I really like your writers style. You wrote this so well and the description is lovely! You chose your words really well. I wish every story I read could be as good as this! Well done,

Emma xx

Author's Response: Tristan is what he'll be called most of the way through, so you calling him that is fine. Knowing me, I'd probably get confused if you called him anything else. LOL.

He has a lot of faults, definitely. And you're right; I don't intend on making him a heart-throb-bad-boy. Girls are really not on his mind, they're just there.

Thank you, Emma!

Sam.

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Hello again! So, I was right, he is a vampire! Interesting. I don't remember anything about iron from the Vampire Diaries but I could be wrong. There's a lot going on in that show.

Anyway, this was a really good second chapter, and you filled me in on one of questions anyway. Although now I am not so sure about my theory concerning the judge. I'm also a lot more curious to know what means to an end these stones provide, it's an interesting idea though, this search for the four stones and how it will bring him to Hogwarts, I can't wait til that starts up and he meets the next generation.

I hope you update soon.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

Author's Response: Hello! Yes, you were right; Tristan is a vampire. It's in a couple of episodes of TVD; Damon and Ric go into the cave and the trap for vampires are the iron spikes that come through the wall and go through Damon (season 3, I think). That's one. But, yeah, a lot does happen in that show, it's hard to keep track of everything. :D

Which question? Meeting Roxy? Erm, any explanations about the judge won't be told for a while. so please don't wait for that in the next chapter; I don't want to disappoint you. Oh, a means to an end... Also not until later, though before the judge. LOL.

I've started the next chapter. I hope to have it in the queue tonight, hopefully no later than Sunday. So next week it should be up.

Thank you for the review.

Sam.

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Well, this was an interesting start to your story. I am very curious as to what exactly is going on here, like how did he survive a hanging, etc. And how he's alive in Roxanne Weasley's time. I'm thinking vampire since you mention he drained the blood of someone but I guess I will just have to read the next chapter in hopes of finding out some more information.

I'm also very curious as to his relationship with this judge since he slept with both his wife and mistress, and there seems to be something there going on between them, and then he says his dad tried to kill him as his cover story so I'm quite curious as to whether or not the two are somehow related... it's all very thought-provoking, must read on now.

You did a great job with this chapter. It was very fast paced but easy to read. I don't think I saw any mistypes either. On to read the next chapter now, though.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

Author's Response: Thanks. It goes back a few times in the fic, not every chapter, there are only five important scenes including this first chapter. Yes, vampire. I say yes because I've already answered your review to chapter two and you already know. :D

Thank you so much for the review. :)

Sam.

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You're a really great writer! I really want to read more :) I don't read too many stories surrounding vampires, but it seems like all the details you put in are correct, which shows that you spent time working on this, so great job!
I really loved all the detail in this, I had a perfect picture in my head of each scene as I was reading; brilliant job!

So, is the last stone at Hogwarts? Well I suppose I have to read, don't I? :D This is deffinetly going on my favorites list, and I'll be looking forward to updates :) Great job! I love a good mystery story every once in a while, thanks for the swap :)

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! I am, without sounding weird, a vampire freak; I love them. Always have, so it's all information I've gathered from different things and thought was most suitable for the HP world. So thank you for saying that.

And thank you for reviewing. :D

Sam.



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