Wow, this was really good! I was searching through the archives for a good Barty Crouch Jr. story, because I always was intrigued by his character, and I have to say, this pleased my longing. You've written him really well, especially for your first time. The fact that Barty Crouch hasn't really appeared much in canon except for in Goblet of Fire makes me feel as if I'm familiar with his character.
You did a great job! And congratulations for winning the challenge, you deserved it.Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I agree that Barty is really fascinating and I had a great deal of fun writing him. I really felt like I got to "get my hands dirty," so to speak, and really play with his mind and the deep, dark desires he might have harbored. I'm very glad that he stood up to the canon portrayal you recalled and that you felt like I did justice to his character.
Thank you for this lovely review :)
-Amanda Report Review
This was a really fascinating view into the mind of Barty Crouch Jr. Your style and prose was wonderful, and the "in the end, the ___ was/wasn't worth the ___" sentences were very compelling and really added some depth to the writing. I loved it.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed the story and found the repetition effective here.
Thanks again for your kind review :)
-Amanda Report Review
I remember reading this a while back and not having the time or coherency to write a review. This is one of my favorite pieces you've written, I think.
The sentences at the end of each section were perfect and really resonated within me. Fantastic, really.
I feel like each story of yours is like a character study, and you did a fantastic job with Barty in this. I love how even as a child, there's not always innocence in his actions, and it's interesting that he cannot lie when he's young, but then in the next section with Margaret, he's become adept at lying - he has to considering his father's position.
It's really interesting to get into Barty's mind. The lust he feels for women like Margaret and Bellatrix, and the desire for power he feels from the Dark Mark. It's interesting that he chooses to separate himself from those that share the same mark as him, to see himself as better than all of them and finding no allies among them.
I don't think you could write anything I wouldn't like, but I feel like every time I read something by you, I find something new to appreciate about your writing.
I had one more review to go until 500 and considering what a landmark that is, I wanted one of your stories to have the honor of being my 500th review. :)Author's Response: This is still one of my favorite pieces that I've written. Barty was such a challenge, and he was so interesting. He still is interesting to me.
A character study - that's a good way to put it! It's good that that comes across, because that's exactly how I approach characterization. It, combined with imagery, make up the majority of the work I put into my stories. I'm pleased to see that you liked the bits of darkness I put into him and enjoyed watching him progress further and further into the blackness as he aged and matured.
Barty's fascinating. I'll be honest, I think what I really enjoyed was this was the chance to get my hands dirty in a sort of reckless way. I really tried to dig in there and make him as filthy and dark as possible, to let him be the perverse, unlikeable individual that he comes across as in canon. He's not afraid to reach for anything, be it women or power, and he still enjoys the chase even if he never gets there. He's beautifully, utterly mad, and the fact that he relishes his isolation makes him even crazier. It was a fun ride from start to finish, that's for sure.
You're sweet, as always, and I'm happy to hear that this piece did not disappoint :)
Amanda Report Review
(Prize Review #1)
Wow. Can I just say wow. This was amazing. I think you captured Barty's personality very well. He seemed very true to the character that JK already created and expanded on his backstory and motives.
Your descriptions and flow are great. I think each section carried itself very well and they all meshed in together effortlessly. It almost seemed like the later sections weren't as heavily written as the beginning ones. Like you got a bit tired of working on it and started backing off a little. BUT, even those were brilliant.
Overall, a wonderful one shot. :) --JennaAuthor's Response: Hey there! :)
Thank you! I really had a lot of fun researching Barty and exploring his personality. I did try to add to what we already know from canon to make him "real", and it sounds like that worked for you, which is wonderful.
You're probably right about the later sections. When I read it over, I did feel like they lacked a little "oomph" compared to the earlier ones, but at the same time, I usually just let a story be "done" when it feels "done" to me, and that's how this one ended up. I'm glad that the change didn't detract from the story for you.
Thanks for your kind review!
academica Report Review
imaginary lines here with your requested review!
i never really thought about what barty went through when he was a child.i had had an idea that he was closer to his mother than his father, but wow. this blew me out of the water. i loved how you broke everything up into sections and at the end of each section, you explained his 'rational' thinking.
it was really enjoyable in a twisted sense. i loved learning about his lust, his anger and his betrayal. knowing what he had done from reading the book made understanding him even easier. barty's anger had been bred in him since he was young. he was always destined for evil.
i thoroughly enjoyed it (:Author's Response: Hey there!
Thanks for coming by to read this :) I'm glad I gave you a little bit of insight into what I think is a pretty interesting (and tragic) character. I'm happy that I made everything clear for you and that all of the emotions came through well, and most of all that you enjoyed it! :)
Thanks again for your kind review!
academica Report Review
This was such a chilling story. I loved how you captured Crouch! He was amazing. The flow, the writing style, the narrative overall - it was brilliant. I really liked how you incorporated the challenge here!! Great job! I was truly engrossed while reading this. Everything was very well done!!
Trick or Treat!Author's Response: Hey AD! Thanks for the review :) I'm very happy that you liked my characterization of Barty and the way I wrote the story. I'm glad it captured your attention!
Thanks again :)
academica Report Review
Seeing as I really am into minor characters and found Carty as character very interesting I had to read this. I like the way you started. Most writers donít start like that. I also liked the fact that Barty was playing with that wand because Iím sure a lot of magical children who are brought up in a magical environment would want to play with one ( and did do that atleast once if I can remember correctly in the fourth book when they ( Harry and everybody) went to the cup they saw a little boy who was doing that!
The description was fantastic and in my opinion his characterization was great. WE knew he became evil but Iím glad you didnít portray him as only evil. Because nobody is ( perhaps Voldemort after all he has done) But I do wonder why he did that I mean your story is great but I would have liked to have seen it in your story it would have given your story that extra oomphf. But I admit this story made me think more about Barty.
Next to that I donít have anything to comment atleast nothing comes to mind.
Thanks for the swap! I look forward to your response :D
-Trick or Treat from Slytherin House-Author's Response: Hey!
I'm really glad you liked the beginning. It was kind of hard to write Barty as this (mostly) innocent kid. I don't remember the part about the World Cup, but if I created a cool parallel, so be it! :)
I did try to give some depth to his character, so I'm happy that you liked it. I suppose I could have explained his motives a little bit, but really, this story was more like a series of glimpses into his life rather than being one long string of connected explanations. I was merely trying to expand upon what we know from canon. I'll keep your comments in mind for the future, though.
Thanks for swappin' with me! :)
academica Report Review
Hey, it's Perelandra from the forums here with your review!
To be honest, I have never read a FF about Barty mostly because I would not have bothered. SO! Yours is the first Barty fic I've ever read! XD
The description was fantastic. I liked how you started with his childhood and moved to his teenager years all the way to his "death". I would've liked, however, for you to have explored as to WHY he decided to become a Death Eater. He liked power, I know, but I feel that there was always more to Barty than we what we read. I mean look at his mother, who sacrificed her last few days/years of her life in Azkaban for him to get out. His father was a Ministry worker who fought for the "good" side so for him to turn out that way...? Again, something must've happened and I think that's the only section I see missing.
Other than that, Barty's characterization was great! Definitely liked that you had him lusting after Bellatrix. Nice touch. This was definitely an enjoyable read! Grammatically speaking and technique you're fine...
Other than that, well all that is left for me to say is great job at this one shot! :)Author's Response: Hey there!
I'm the first? Woah, no pressure... haha ;)
I think you make a great point. I really like the character now that I've gotten to know him a little bit better, so maybe sometime in the future I'll write more and explore that element a bit more thoroughly. I am glad that you enjoyed the imagery and liked how I went through (most) of his life. I'm also pleased that the characterization worked for you. I was a little concerned about that, this being my first time writing him.
Thanks for your thoughtful review! :)
academica Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!
First off - this story was awesome. I just wanted to get that out there before I start going into more detail. I'm doing this challenge as well, and you are totally going to beat me. :P
I thought I'd approach this in sections.
1st section: "In the end, the goal wasn't worth the pursuit."
- I liked the ending line of this section a lot, and I felt like it fit perfectly with the story you told in it. I felt like it set up Barty Jr.'s character terrifically; I could see how he turned into what he did, but you also made sure to keep it realistic, given that he was a small child. The insight into his mother was also great. I honestly have nothing bad to say about this section at all!
2nd section: "In the end, the prize wasn't worth the promise."
- I thought that this was great. The ending line fit this perfectly. I initially thought that this was a snippet from his teen years (like, while he was still in school), but I loved it when it turned out to be right after they tortured Frank and Alice. This felt quite true to his character as we see it in the books. You depicted him as someone skilled at deception by showing us his interaction with an OC, and that really brought him alive to me, since that's exactly how he managed to fool so many people. My only problem was that given how soon after Voldemort's downfall it was, I would have liked to see more emphasis on Voldemort himself.
3rd section: "In the end, the consequence wasn't worth the complaining."
- I thought that the section itself was terrific. His feelings about Bellatrix, your depiction of Azkaban, it's all absolutely terrific. I really got a picture in my mind of what it was like, and I was creeped out. However, the ending line seemed less smooth and clear than your first two; I wasn't quite sure what it was referring to, and it was just aesthetically a bit clunky.
4th section: "In the end, the convenience wasn't worth the cruelty."
- I liked this section a lot, and thought that the ending line was great. My major difficulty was actually in his interactions with Winky; she was clearly very fond of him, and I'd have liked to see some hint of why, especially given the ending line. That was really my only issue, though.
5th section: "In the end, the triumph would be worth the trouble."
- I liked the ending line here, too, and I thought that the general tone of the section was good. However, there were a few details that bothered me. What corpses was he stepping over? Wasn't Barty Jr. rescued by Voldemort after the Cup, and wasn't Moody attacked just before the start of school? Again, ending line was great; it really showed an evolution, and I think that it seems quite consistent than what we know about him. There were just a few details that didn't fit.
6th section: "In the end, the enemies weren't worth the friendships."
- As with section 3, I didn't love this ending. It's not awkwardly phrased, but it didn't seem to fit as well with the rest of the section, you know? I wasn't sure what you'd talked about for it to make sense for him to juxtapose friends and enemies like that. Other than that, the section is great. Again, I think that Barty Jr. feels perfectly in character. The ending just left me a little disappointed.
7th section: "In the end, as it turns out, the secret's not worth keeping."
- So this, I think was really what you were worried about. You don't need to be. In fact, I'd cut out "as it turns out." The quote all on its own works perfectly here. The rest of the section was also quite strong. However, I felt like I'd have liked a description of what the dementor looked like, and the dementor moving toward him felt a bit too drawn out. I'd have also liked him to give them a bit more of an answer. That's not necessary, it would just be nice.
On the whole, again, this is a great piece. :) Those are all minor concerns. He absolutely seems like the Barty from canon, with your own twist, and I thought that your integration of the quote was great.
Good luck!Author's Response: Oh, my, what a comprehensive review! I can't possibly express how much it means to me that you took the time to really examine each and every part of the piece. Thank you so much!
Firstly, thanks for your feedback on the endings. I agree that some of them were more forced than others, as it felt that way while writing. I was torn about whether or not I should try to neatly establish a theme, this being a quote challenge, and maybe I should have leaned the other way. Anyway, I'm happy about the ones that did work for you, especially the last one, as that's the one that "really" matters the most.
You make a great point about section 2. I should have done more research into the event, as I agree that I should have talked more about Voldemort. Perhaps my train of thought was focused more on Barty and the girl at that point. Anyway, great feedback.
As for section 4, I'm not sure I was trying to establish fondness with Winky. This was right when she started to serve him and work for him, and I was more trying to create an environment of fearfulness for her. He's torn between his natural cruelty and his desire to please his mother, even as she's dying. Anyway, again, good point. I'll keep it in mind.
The details in section 5 may be a bit off; I didn't research that as well as the others, and I'm not sure why. I do think there may have been a couple of dead bodies, though, what with the Death Eaters running amuck. I took the scene with Barty at the Cup from the film, so the canon timeline may be wrong there.
With section 6, I was trying to establish Barty's isolation from the other Death Eaters. He feels a little differently than he did in the Azkaban scene, and he focuses on the fact that he's bigger and badder than them, so to speak. His speech to Harry at the end of the book/film illustrates this perspective. I'm sorry if I didn't make that for clear for you!
Imagery is usually my strong suit, so I apologize for not including more about the Dementor. That's definitely a valid point. I drew out the advance on purpose, though, so that I would have time to illustrate his thoughts fully and show his deliberation.
If it's canon Barty with a twist, then I accomplished my goal. Again, thanks so much for your feedback! It really does mean a lot.
academica Report Review
Hey! It's apocalypse from the forums, here with your review!
W-O-W! This. was. amazing! I never thought I would read Barty story and then like it so much! I really liked how you've written it.. good job =)
Over to your concerns first? Well, honestly I don't know which one of these was the quote that was the challenge. Nothing was forced here, all of them were perfectly placed! In fact, you actually created many quotes at the end of every scene! I really liked those; they made me think them over, they actually meant something and are absolutely right! Good job =D
Your first time with this character? Doesn't seem like it at ALL. It looks like YOU're Barty writing down your lifestory. It was a very well organised plot and a rally good idea. I've said this on another story too that I really like it a lot when people write stories on secondary characters. It makes everyone appreciate it all even more =) So I'm really happy you requested this story =)
Since he was a secondary character, I hadn't really thought of his life, but your story put his life into perspective too. He was definitely believable, the same slightly insane, deranged and manic Barty Crouch Jr. we've known =) He's Jo's Barty Jr. and much MUCH more. I wish this hadn't been a one-shot! I really liked this story and wanted to read more! =) I was so immersed in the story that I didn't realise when it began and when it finished. =P
The scenes that you chose to insert were excellent choices. The mother, the girl, then his life changing drastically and then his main and last mission. All of them were perfectly ordered and written. =) and for some reason, I really liked the fact of how he loved his Mark so much. It showed his loyalty and his devotion to his Master and makes everyone appreciate the trait even more (albeit in a weird way =P) His pride and self-satisfaction were also greatly emphasized, showing how much thought you actually put into the character =) It didn't seem like you've only just re-created scenes. It seemed like you'd created another story! =D
A really good job and hats off to you for pulling this one off so brilliantly! =D Good luck with you other stories and happy writing!Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for taking the time to write such an in-depth review; these are the kind that I tend to write, especially when requested, and I always, always appreciate receiving them.
Firstly, I'm pleased that the quote fit in okay. Obviously, that is the point of the challenge! I'm also glad that I did Barty justice for you. He's grown on me a lot as I've developed and written this piece and I've come to find him a lot more interesting and intriguing than before. I'm happy that I added to canon, as that was kind of my goal in learning him.
I'm glad you picked up on the Mark; he really does treat it like a lover, or at least he does in my head. His passion for Voldemort is really the fulfillment of what he could not muster for women or his family. It also goes to show just how sadistic he is at the core.
Thanks again for your wonderful review :)
academica Report Review
Wow. How do I begin on this? I probably have read a Barty story before, but they are very rare, and what you've done here is more unique in the way that you've used fragments and repetition to structure this story. The final lines of each fragment tied everything together, explaining why you'd chosen that particular fragment over another, giving it weight.
The centre fragment with Barty making the Dark Mark in GoF was an obvious choice, but the others are interesting ones because they don't depict significant events (such as his switch with his mother in Azkaban), but rather the stuff that comes in between. These scenes reveal more about Barty's character, in my opinion, and it made this story more interesting to read. That may sound strange, because one would think it'd be more interesting (in an exciting way, I suppose) to see how the switch was done, or his direct involvement with the Longbottoms' torture, but those would be action-oriented with Barty as a supporting, rather than central figure - he would have been overshadowed by both his mother and Bellatrix. The story wouldn't have had the same affect at all.
But each fragment is a lesson - to return to discussing the final lines. I don't know if they're lessons that he learned (or was meant to learn) or whether they point out Barty's mistakes to readers, but they do reveal Barty's failures throughout life. It's like there was always something off about him - he doesn't even experience togetherness with the Death Eaters, seemingly an outsider from their ranks, even while he's serving Voldemort. Is he just a troubled boy who fell into the wrong crowd? The result of poor parenting? Or was he always meant for this fate? Your story has raised a lot of questions about this relatively obscure character.
There were a couple more things I wanted to comment on, like how you described Moody's flask as an extra limb - so perfect seeing that he was missing a leg! That made me laugh. Then the chilling glimpses of Fudge's corruption, Bellatrix's fall into madness, Barty's very strange relationship with his equally strange mother... all fantastic details that added to the richness of this story. However, one detail that you may need to double check is which wand Barty used to make the Dark Mark - I can't remember whether he used Harry's wand or his own, because Harry's did go missing during that scene.
That's all, I think. :P Better to stop now before I ramble on. This story turned out wonderfully and made for a fantastically thought-provoking read - it's a great character study of Barty, and it makes me excited to see what kind of story you'll come up with next. :DAuthor's Response: Susan! It's been several hours and I still can't believe I woke up to this fabulous review. You are too kind, as always :) Speedy, too!
I definitely wanted to focus on snapshots in Barty's life and, as you said, moments that aren't explored a whole lot but are still part of our canon knowledge of him. Reading back over his canon storyline before working on this, I was struck with the importance of his mother and his treatment of Winky. I think, at least for me, it's been very easy to write him off as this crazed Death Eater even though he's got this rich, complex back story.
I think you make a good point about using these hidden moments to really put Barty himself in the spotlight as opposed to another figure. I hadn't so much thought of it that way, but now that I read it, it does come out to me. I did try to write him as a very isolated individual with very intricate thoughts - for example, his attitude toward women is complicated, considering that on the one hand he has a great deal of respect and love for his mother, never wanting to disappoint her, and on the other hand he has all of these wild sexual thoughts about other women he sees. I agree with you that he's much deeper than he appears on the surface, and is thus worth more exploration than he typically receives.
I'm glad you love the details; those tend to be one of my strong suits. You do make a very good point about the wand. I'll definitely look into it. He probably did swipe Harry's wand.
Anyway, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you again for all of your wonderful reviews!! :)
Amanda Report Review
Hello! CloakAuror9 from the forums!
So...on with the review! I think you have written Barty pretty well and you captured the kind of Barty JK Rowling wrote. The quote wasn't forced at all. It fit the whole story or each bit of the story perfectly.
And you mentioned before that this was your first time writing about Barty? Well, I think you did pretty well and if you didn't mention that it was your first time writing about him, I wouldn't have known! You did such a fabulous job writing him that you could easily pull out a Bellatrix/Barty fanfic!
Keep wrting wonders!
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Hi there! Thanks for responding so quickly!
I'm so happy that you didn't find it forced, and also that you liked my portrayal of Barty. He's very interesting and complicated and I wanted to treat his character appropriately. I also wanted it to fit in with canon as much as possible while adding a little extra "flavor" from the outside world of the unknown, and it seems like I did that okay, which is great. Yeah, Barty/Bellatrix was kind of a random thought I had. She seems like a very assertive sort of woman, one who knows she's attractive and easily flaunts it, and I tried to use that to play up the sexual aspect of his personality. Anyway, glad it worked for you :)
academica Report Review
Wow. This is a very interesting take on the challenge I gave and on Barty Crouch Jr. I have to say, I've never read anything about him before but I really do like the way you included so many different moments in his life, from beginning to end. I really enjoyed it. A lot of the scenes were just small moments, but the way he processed them was very thought-provoking and I liked how you made a pattern out of each scene's ending, the last one being the lyric you chose to work with. Very good. I'm really impressed with what you came up with.Author's Response: Hey! :) I'm really, really glad you liked it. I think he's a really interesting character who deserves more exploration in fanfiction, and I'm happy that you found my take on him unique. I'm also pleased that you liked the continuity and theme that I tried to include. Thanks for the review, and I'm excited to see the results of the challenge at month's end! :)
academica Report Review
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