Oh goodness my goodness, how utterly fabulous! I adore this whole story and Marlene's insane brilliantness, please please post more!! xAuthor's Response: Oh no! I'm really really sorry but I've catually abandoned this story D: I just had no more inspiration for it. But thank you so much for reviewing! x Report Review
Here is your review ...
Now I want to say, you are not just getting 1 review, you are getting more because I LOVE THIS STORY I cant help but feel the need to carry on reading and reviewing.
I adore little Sophia... I have an obsession with Marmalade and I sucked my thumb until I was 6 xD To be honest I love your characterisation of most of the characters.
ALSO I LOVE YOU! You didn't leave Peter out or just shove him in the sidelines! You gave him a proper impersonality and made him part of the story :D Though he would get on my nerves as I am superstitious and I dont walk under ladders, open umbrella's indoors, open crisp packets upside down etc!!!
Amazing, light-hearted story :DAuthor's Response: Hey!! Thanks so much for the review :) I'd completely forgotten about it to be honest, so I was really pleased when I saw.
Yay! Reading on is good :P I never actually sucked my thumb, but my little cousin does it all the time- I got my Sophia inspiration from her!
I LOVE YOU FOR THS REVIEW! I could never leave Peter out 8D.
Thank you thank you thank you! Report Review
yippeee,,,finally aupdate..but rather short..hmph fillers..okay u had me laughning soo hard dat i got d weird look frm my brother,,so umm..plz plz plz update soon!Author's Response: Hi cheeni :) Glad you were laughing! Your poor brother :P Sorry about the length...lack of inspiration. But the next chapter'll be a good long one!
lwg Report Review
I loved it! Please tell me it wasn't Regulus who left the flowers? I don't really think it was but still :P Fillers are cool. I like fillers. Actually I love fillers :D Remus is so cute! The end was hilarious because she wasn't wearing undies :P Woop woop!
Green With Envy 2012Author's Response: Hey! You're either Caaitiee, or...Green WIth Envy 2012 *confuzzled* But THANKS FOR THE REVIEW ANYWAY!
The flowers...mwahaha! You'll find out who left them later on.
Yay we have a filler fan in the house! There aren't enough of them ;P
Thankyou! LWG x Report Review
Hey Annon! (Can I call you that? I don't think I've ever actually called you that :o It's Caitie by the way :)) So I love this story! It's awesome :D And I accidentally read it all in one go even though I'm really tired andIneedtosleep. :P I love your characterisation of Marlene...and well everyone else too :D I can't wait for more! I did have heaps of random things I was going to say I loved but I've forgotten. Stupid sleepy state that I'm in :| Well anywayyy I loooved this lots and lots :DAuthor's Response: Haha, that's fine. I prefer people calling me Annon :) It's more familiar, y'know? And I know you off the forums :) THANKS FOR REVIEWING! I love these unexpected reviews! Ah don't worry I'm sure you did, hope you slept well :P
:D Report Review
the story is really good! i didnt expect marlene to colour cordinate so much you know..and i suppose dat mary is bipolar or sumthing...anyway lurv ur story and if dont update soon i mighty turn into dat hag in ur story..so plzz do! :DAuthor's Response: Hey! Wow, thanks so much for the review. Yeah Marlene is kind of quirky-but I liek to colour co-ordinate too. So thats probably why I took it to te extremes :) Update will be soon! Report Review
Aah this was so brilliant! The way you write Marlene is always so refreshing and gorgeous, because she's never written so happily anywhere else. Her outlook on everything is just wonderful :D And Fridays are blue? I love it haha!
I loved Xenophilius! He was so in-character and very well-written; I can see why he and Marlene got along, and their common animal interest is so cute and lovely. I just love how they've already influenced each other with caveman feet and watermelons and blibberdungs...
Hehe I love all of Marlene's relationships, old and new, and her conversations. They're just so brilliant and easy to follow though sophisticated enough to keep my interest (extremely interested interest, I may add ;P) and Remus and Lily and Peter and brilliant! Boo to Marcia and Reg >:PAuthor's Response: Hey!
FRIDAYS ARE BLUE indeed :D I see the 'colours of the week' too, and that's what my colour is. But I don't dress so strictly :P
Xeno and Marlene are quite a cutie couple aren't they? :3 I'm thinking about it.!
Loved that smiley at the end >:P
x Report Review
Holy shizzle, I made it to a thank you at the top of your chapter! I didn't even notice that. Awww, LWG you're such a cutie. I'm entirely sure that I don't deserve it, but hey THANKS VERY MUCH.
Ahhh, I liked this chapter a lot. I mean Marlene getting attacked by a Hag is an interesting turn of events, and I'm really intrigued and a little bit bewilded by the whole concept of that... but, you know, I liked it all the same.
Also, I really liked how you didn't have Marlene going through with the whole date thing with Daniel, that was really different and I think possibly more realistic. Also the 'he's in love with me!' and Lily being like 'he fancies you' - I think that's very teenage-girl esque and it made me smile :)
Plus, again I can feel your writing imporve from chapter to chapter and it's really lovely to see. There was the ATTACK OF THE REALLY LONG PARAGRAPH at one point. I feel like you have a one-huge-paragraph-quota, because all of the others are nice normal sizes and then BAM you hit me with this great huge CHUNK of a thing and I'm like WOAH THATS A BIG PARAGRAPH.
I speak, of course, of the paragraph starting 'I woke...' and ending, quite some time later, with... 'into unconciousness'
Anyway, I loved the beginning I love the middle and I rather enjoyed the ending too ;) - your writing is really clear and readable and lovely.
Can't wait for the next chapter :)
(sorry for rambling on about the big paragraph for such a long time)
-ACAuthor's Response: *blush* Well I thought you and Melissa deserved one as my favourite reviewers :) Uh oh...don't look behind you cos there's a REALLY LONG PARAGRAPH :P You have interesting phobias. But I totally need to edit this chapter in quite a few ways...I wrote it at like 1 in the morning haha.
Thank you! *insert many exclamation marks and heart alt codes here* Hope to see you back soon after your break.
LWG :) x Report Review
Back to quirky Marlene! So she has a color for every day huh? That’s interesting. I think I did that when I was young—actually it was more like I had a style for each week: Gothic, Cowgirl, Ballgown, etc. so this color thing, I understand.
Wait, is that real? Italian men give you leather gloves when they don’t want to see you again or did you make that up? Because that is totally weird.
She is such a morning person! I am not and I can’t relate :P I love her logic regarding food, because it totally makes sense (not)!
This is like the third time I’ve heard someone mention Caradoc Dearborn. I’ve got to go look him up, one sec. *uses Google* Oh, that’s sad.
You’ve certainly established Marlene as weird! She’s not a dumb blonde, she’s just got a short attention span and exuberant energy! I wonder where this story is going to go!Author's Response: Haha, I had a 'gothic day' once. It didn't really work as I wore pink the entire time ^_^.
And yeah, that's totally true. It happened to a relative! It was funny. xD
Nah, google isn't sad xD They have amazing homescreens on every event in the calendar just because they can! And Caradoc Dearborn is Welsh by the way. Had to get that out there. :P
Thanks for a great review!
LWG :) Report Review
Marlene. What a funny girl. It was enjoyable reading this because it was almost stream of conciousness but not quite, if that makes sense. I love the random thoughts she would have at random times like wondering if Lily was a ball or a stick, etc. The girl is quirky and likeable (at least to me).
Her interaction with everyone else shows that she isn't actually a dumb blonde but someone who others like and get along with fine. I love how she is with the little girl Sophia as well as with Lily and the gang.
I'm going to keep going on this story at some point!Author's Response: Hello!
Thanks for a lovely review :) Yeah, she is one of my stranger characters. I do have fun writing her though! Literally anything goes.
Thank you! :D
Annon! I'm back! :D
I'm going to admit now that I didn't like this one quite as much as the one before, but I'm kinda attached to Regulus, so that's why - I swear!
Still, I loved it. Marlene is so... insane and clumsy and somehow manages to get herself into the weirdest situations but yet do things I'd never dream of being able to do (like tell Daniel Wood he was just a rebound. I mean - wow. Talk about courage!). She's just fantastic.
I feel so sorry for poor Daniel, lol, although to be fair he took it, er... reasonably well? :D He's so optimistic and I just love it! It's funny without being stupid, you know?
It was so good to see more of Lily and Mary again - and so good to see a different side of Mary (although in my mind she does seem to cry a lot... maybe that's just me!).
Ah, she's lost her wand! And she has Regulus' necklace! Where are you going with this? I'm completely confused - but in a good way, I promise!
You know, you'll have to update something soon - I'm running out of chapters of yours to read and review ;) *hint hint*
Aph xxAuthor's Response: eek, no this chapter is undergoing major edits and a half! Don't worry, there will be plenty of Reggie in the next chapter *evil chuckles*
Ah, it is confusing. I didn't realise it while I was writing cos I know what has happened but now I see that everyone else.doesn't xD
And OH DEAR! No more chpaters for you D: I must update! I'm just really into Not just a Barmaid xD
Thank you a billion times for all the awesome reviews on this story, Aph.
*hugs a lot*
Annon xx Report Review
Hey there! *team blue*
I absolutely lurve this chapter! The more I read of Marlene, the more I love her; I'm far too much like her ;) But I loved how she took over the Muggle Studies class! It was a brilliant idea to get everyone doing awful muggle tasks, but I like how she stopped them to have a muggle picnic instead. She's so sweet :3
I liked the Marlene/Remus in this chapter too! I like how you haven't built it up to be an inevitable Marlene/SpecificMarauder from the beginning, it could be any of them really (well Sirius or Remus really...). And I'm glad Mary knows too.
I also loved the bit where she was outside with the elements. I still want to know more about Marlene's parents, and her history with Reg, so I'm looking forward to reading more!
~LottieAuthor's Response: Lottie! :3
That's strange, because Marlene's largely based on myself! O.o
Ooo yes, you do not know which marauder it shall be! Oh the probabilities! 4 CHOICE! + reggie. i love how everyone's calling him Reg/Reggie in reviews xD
Thank you sooo much!
~Annon xx Report Review
Helo there LWG!
So your name was just lying there, temptingly alluring me to come review this chapter even though I probably should be doing something boring. Still, it was good to be back :)
I really liked this chapter! My favourite part was definately when Regulus reached out and touched her wrist. We'll bypass the fact that wrists make me feel sick (bluaojuoadoa - why do I have them?) but I just thought it was such a REAL movement that you captured. It was really, I don't know... but I could totally just visualise it.
One thing I would say is that there was this ABSOLUTELY HUMUNGOUSLY HUGE PARAGRAPH. I was reading, then I was scrolling down then I /kept scrolling down/ and it just seemed never ending and I had to stop for a minute to blink. Okay, well that's a slight exageration (it's Marlene! She brings out the crazy in me) but I think it would work better if you split the paragraph up. It's the one beginning with... 'I hate quaffles...'
I loved Xeno, btw.
It was good to be back and reading more of this story :D
-ACAuthor's Response: Hey AC!
Glad you were so tempted :P Boring things are...boring. Yeah.
Wrists make you feel sick? O.o Oh dear! I love them. They connect my hands to my body which is why I'm typing this at all!
Uh oh, I apologise to your eyes for the humungous paragraph :/ I shall edit!
Thanks for a snazzgavvling review!
LWg x Report Review
It's me again! :D
I really, really enjoyed this chapter. In fact, it's my favourite one so far. Seriously.
I loved how you tied things from before up together - like Marlene seeing Regulus and Marcia, the Remus interaction, etc. It's so, so good.
Also, it was good to see more of Marcia and Mary and Remus and Regulus - because we haven't seen them that often. I liked your nod to Oliver Wood with Dan Wood :D and Xeno Lovegood! Oh, wow, he was amazing. He seemed so much like Luna it was unreal. Same madness-but-loveable qualities, some similar habits. I'd just say to be careful not to make him exactly like Luna, because with the shoe thing it seems like you might be heading in that direction. But, seriously, he's amazing. Marlene/Xeno would be... odd, but interesting.
Regulus... ah, dear Reggie. He's so mysterious! I wanna know what he's up to! What does he want? Why is he still talking to her? So many questions!
Also, I never realised before but Quaffle is actually quite similar to waffle... :D Flying waffles, hehe...
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Aph!
What would I do without your amazing reviews? ;) I'm so glad you enjoyed it! (This is my favourite one too!)
I LOVE XENO TOO! He's adorable. I know I'm SO modest, but he's my favourite character in this!
Thanks for the awesome advice!
There's a sauce i like to have with chips called reggae Reggae sauce :P Just a random fact...
*Gives flying waffles*
~Annon xx Report Review
Hey there! *team blue*
I love how you added so much more to Mary's character in this. It works well, you slowly building up a more detailed characterisation of Marlene's friends, and I liked seeing more of Mary's motivations and reasons for mood fluctuations ie. Her sister Marcia doing that to her.
I also love your backstory for Marlene and Regulus; he seems pretty darn callous right now, but I really want to read more about them - why they broke up, why they got together, why he's moved onto Marcia. I think it's a great plot point, too!
I love this, can't wait to read more!
PS. I loved your little worry-rant in the AN, so glad you found it again! *hands chocolate*Author's Response: Hi lottie!
Sorry it took me a while to respond to your review, I've been busy :(
Thank you! I'm pleased Mary doesn't seem to unrealistic...or does she...I don't know!
Regulus, Smegulus...Not entirely sure I've written him right, but I'm happy you enjoyed it!
*takes chocolate and hands back ice cream :P*
~annon x Report Review
Hi there! *team blue*
Haha loved this! I love how you've carried on characterising the marauders more, and I'm just loving them more and more :D I also loved the beginning, in the dorm - poor Alice! She's just so cute, I love how you've got them all working together so well.
I thought that the prank was pretty inspired too, and the little details you put in really bring Marlene's story to life. Poor Flitwick, he hadn't expected that reaction! :D I really love this!
~LottieAuthor's Response: Hey Lottie :)
*squee* This is such a heart-warming review!! *cheesy grin* I worry slightly that the prank is a bit too weird, and everyone takes part in it too easily. So I'm glad it seemed to work. Thank you!!
~Annon x Report Review
From the 'Claw blue vs Bronze :)
So, I liked this as a first chapter - it nicely introduced all the characters through the perspective of Marlene, obviously. I thought the fact it was in first person made it easier to connect to her character and there were a few times where I laughed - she has quite an amusing perspective on things.
Once or twice I found you didn't quite develop your sentences as well as I would have liked. Sometimes you started off saying something and then left it. Also a little more description and detail would be nice. There was a point where you really suddenly went from the train to being in their dorm and it was a little bit sudden. So I would suggest just putting an asterisk there to show the time-skip or something.
I like most of your characterisation - though be careful with Lily, I wasn't very sure about her. But otherwise I really liked how you did it!
Well done, this was a nice start :)
Hannah.Author's Response: Hi Hannah!
Oh dear. The dreaded asterix's. i keep forgetting to put them in when I edit. *Writes big, bold note to self* Yes, many reviews have told me about this. I guess I really should edit now!
Thanks for a lovely review.
LWG x Report Review
I'm back! I know you missed me ;)
Anyway, I have to say I loved this chapter! Even though it felt a bit short (I have no idea if it was or not compared to the others, it might just have been me :P), it was really good.
Marlene as a Professor! lol. I definitely didn't expect that, and not the way you did it. I was thinking she'd have to tutor someone in something and insist on being called professor, lol, but that *points at chapter* was brilliant. Completely original and so, so funny.
The interactions with Remus and Lily were good - and I quite liked Creaky too, lol. I'm curious as to why you gave Regulus and Remus the same eyes - I've never seen that before, so it's new and exciting.
I'm a bit surprised that she's not more upset by the run-in with Regulus in this chapter, since she was obviously really upset in the last one and these two follow pretty closely, from what I understood. Although, I suppose it's perfectly possible she's trying not to think about it and putting it out of mind. Also, drowning would kinda take precedence over that, lol.
Please update - I like having a buffer of two chapters ;)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hey Aph! You're right, I did miss you :P I don't /think/ it was short...but to be honest I haven't actually checked the word count!
I have NO idea where my insoiration for things like these come from. But obviously you like it, so I'm thankful anyway (and not scared xD). Especially Creaky, and tree language.Hmmm.
I suppose you're right. Like you said in your last review, I don't really focus as much/get the emotions right concerning Regulus. I will look over this.
Thanks so much!
LWG x Report Review
Ello! It's me again!
First off, I love how you've given Marlene a past relationship with Regulus. Not many people do it - it's usually that the girl's torn between the two Blacks, if Regulus even comes into it - so it was nice to see that. Also, you've portrayed it very realistically - her feelings and reactions seem very real and I can imagine doing something similar myself in that situation.
I like how you're developing the relationships between Marlene and the other people around her, like Lily and Mary. Not everyone would be friends/enemies with everyone else, and you've shown that really well.
At the moment, Regulus' character seems a little flat to me - but this is only our first glimpse of him and I'm sure we'll get to see more of him later on ;) He seems very interesting, though.
Your characterisation of Lily is, as ever, brilliant.
Keep it up! I wanna know where you go with this!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hi Aph! I love your reviews! They always make me feel so happy :) Thank you so much! I am trying to create realistic relationships and characters, so I'm very happy you think I have.
yes, i see what you mean about regulus's character. Now I think about it, I haven't got much information about him in there at all...hmm...
LWG x Report Review
I love this so much! I think you've already characterised Marlene so well, and I already feel like I know her. Having a huge "this character is ME!" moment too, I often feel like the dippy blonde ;)
I love her relationships with the other Gryffindors too, especially how she's adopted Peter. He tends to be forgotten a lot, but I think you've got him spot on. Also love Mazzy-Azzy, they're brilliant!
The last couple of lines were so haunting too, it just added some more depth. Can't wait to read more! :DAuthor's Response: Hii! Aw, I'm SO glad you liek it. Yep, I've had lots of those moments too xD
Mazzy-Azzy...no idea where that came from...!
Really? Thank you!!
~Annon x Report Review
Haha, lol! That was brilliant! I really liked more interaction with the Marauders and more Marlene. She is completely insane - but it's so fun to read! Flow and everything was perfect. I liked the notice about injections - will they turn up later? Hm... I can imagine one of the girls (and probably Sirius or James :D) fainting from having an injection. Also, the prank was so original. Most people do things with fireworks and spells and suchlike things, so it was nice to see a more muggle-style, untraceable prank for once. Poor Flitwick, though...
The one thing I would say is that Hogwarts has a uniform. I am, unfortunately, one of those rather irritating people who has an obsession with people remembering that. It's not a big thing, but I really noticed (because I'm mad about these things!).
Really, really enjoyed it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hehe! Very happy you enjoyed it :D Well I wouldn't actually have put anything about injections in, but I'd had one that day and I HATE them! So yeah...I wanted to make my characters suffer xD
Yeah, i wanted a different prank to right. Plus that had happened to me today :)
Uh oh! The uniform! New I'd forgotten something! I suppose i'll be able to slap something in about 'to wear under her robes' .
Thank youuu xx Report Review
Nothing like a good old Marauders story! :) I like what you've started here - I found myself laughing multiple times during this chapter! Stuff like meditating "to consider intelligent questions like 'what is the point of living' and 'why do I fancy James Potter so much.'" ha.
I feel like you've got a good start at showing us Marlene's character. I loved seeing her interact with the little girl at the beginning of the chapter - I think that showed us a side of her that we really didn't see in the rest of this. She's definitely funny and upbeat but I'm curious to know more about her. I'm confident that her character will be explored more in later chapters though! :)
One suggestion I would have is to use asterisks or something in between scene changes - I just think it would help it flow more.
Overall, I think you did a really nice job with this first chapter and with introducing everyone! It sounds interesting, and I hope I get to read more! :)Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks for a very sweet review! Glad it made you laugh x).
Oh, the asteriks, how they haunt me! Nearly every review on here as suggested I put them in, so I'm definitely going to find time to do so!
Thanks so much,
LWG x Report Review
I think your writing is quite good but I would have liked to see some more physical descriptions on the characters especially the ones we don't know like Alice and Mary. And sometimes I think the scenes changed a little too abruptly which is confusing for the reader. However I loved the humour throughout the chapter. I also like how despite the fact she's an orphan, Marlene seems to have a bright, cheerful personality and that makes her POV nice to read. Overall I enjoyed this chapter very much and I'd like to read more of this story. :DAuthor's Response: Hiya! Thank you so much for a lovely review. Hmm...yes, I'll see if I can include some more descriptions in when i edit. And I'm planning on putting the **'s in between scene changes when I have time! Thanks so much.
LWG x Report Review
I really, really love Marlene's character. I love how, even though she's an orphan, you made it uncliche - really, really good! The Marauders, Lily and the others are all well characterised too - they're easily recognisable as the people we know from canon. Marlene's personality makes me laugh, btw, she's just so random and insane. Also, I like how you made her friends with the Marauders without suggesting that she's 'the fifth Marauder' or anything like that. Kudos to you!
If there was one thing to be wary of, I'd say your scene changes. While it wasn't difficult to follow, it was just a bit sudden every now and then without anything to show there was a change in time, you know? Maybe something to think about!
Literally, though, that was the only thing. I really enjoyed it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for a LOVELY review! I did try very hard to un cliche it all, and reviews are all suggesting I succeeded *squee* !
Thanks for your advice on the scene changes. I think I'll edit and put in **'s or something xD
LWG xx Report Review
Haha! That was crazy! I love this story xx It's cute and fun and entertaining. Perfect. 100/10. xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you sooo much for reviewing xxx Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection