So. You have a crazy story for me, hm? Lets read it!
Your opening paragraph: Very grabbing. I am immediately intrigued. It's vivid.
"Across the hall, standing by the fireplaces now burning with green flames, was a man in a mask and a hooded black cloak."
-Well, then. Is he hallucinating? Also, I love how descriptive you are. Nothing serious has happened (except for...you know murder in the forrest. heh. *whistles*), but I have this sense of tension from the way Harry's acting. I love it.
"But the man was gone. As though he’d never been at all"
-So he was hallucinating? This may be premature, but ten points for me!
"There was no other word for the night but silvery. Everything seemed coated in something invisible and ethereal, and the whole world was snug in its seeming security and pleasantness."
-It's so pretty! It somehow reminds me of how the narrator spoke in Fight Club. But prettier. It's like Harry can't let go and see that is *is* a wonderful world now. It's creepy!
"Panic, unnamed but no less feared, began to creep in."
-I love how we have to see everything through harry's eyes, so it's hard to tell what's real and what in the heck is going on. I love it. :)
"They had no way of hearing the voices in the trees as he did."
-Eurgh. This is so vivid and creepy. It reminds me of something, but I can't quite say what. Shiver.
"They had come back for him. He knew they would eventually."
-Schizophrenia? Yikes. I've been unable to pause to give my reactions about all of this stuff because I couldn't stop reading. My heart is beating really fast and I'm worried that Harry is going to snap and kill all of his friends. D: Must read more.
"Harry tried to remember how to smile back."
-Eeek! We need intervention. Right now.
Have you read The Yellow Wallpaper? Because the floor is starting to remind me of that. And it's creeping me out. lol.
"And the mirror he was facing cracked."
-I'm scared. And getting suicide vibes. eek.
The end: Oh my gosh. This is crazy. I'm just...wow.
So. In general, this was amazing. Seriously, just wow. I loved how Harry was just loony tunes and the way his friends acted, and how dang creepy it was.great job. I have nothing to complain about, except I really wish that Hermione, Ron and Ginny had stepped in more forcefully to get him help. He was clearly not right in the head. :(
Anyway, great work. I loved it. Always feel free to PM me the links to your stories.
Characterization: 8/10 (I just feel like Hermione especially would have done something drastic to help him.)
Overall: 10/10 Great writing.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this for me! I LOVE crazy stories, both reading and writing them -- I'm not sure why, but there you have it. This is still one of my favorite one-shots on my page.
I'm glad you liked the descriptions, too! ♥ I love using descriptions no matter what, but here it felt right because I think in his state of mind, Harry's senses would have been particularly heightened. Every movement, every shape would have served to make him more and more paranoid. (I've never read Fight Club -- not a huge Palahniuk fan -- but maybe I'll have to try it now!)
I have read "The Yellow Wallpaper," and that was really the first maddening story I ever read, so there was definite inspiration from that. ;) I'm pleased you made the connection! I think his friends were a bit useless, too -- although he and Ginny had broken up, at this point in the story. But Ron and Hermione, absolutely.
This response was a bit rubbish, but please know that this review totally and completely made my day. ♥ I'm so, so glad you enjoyed it, and I hope to see you return before too long! Report Review
This was very intense, and honestly I'm probably going to have to read it another time-or four-before I really feel like I understand it. But from what I did get from it, I thought was brilliant. The whole insanity take on everything (at least, I hope that was what it was supposed to be getting at) was interesting. I've always found the whole Voldemort/Harry link to be fascinating, but I feel like so few people take things to the lengths that you have in this, but I loved it. This piece made me think. It made me think about what it must have been like to be Harry, as well as all of the different possible things that could have possibly happened in the books because of the relationship that never happened. And being filled with this many ideas and questions after reading something is one of the best possible things in my mind, so kudos for that.Author's Response: I don't question your needing a re-read at all; the story was intentionally written to be confusing! There's definitely a take on insanity here, though, and it's a sort of companion to 'Chosen,' which was written later and I know you read as well. Psycho!Harry is, oddly enough, one of my favorite things to write.
In the few mental-illness fics I've read, I've noticed that people seem to underwrite them -- they're much, much more horrible, I think, than many fan fiction writers make them out to be. I am so, so glad that you told me that this story made you think, because I am ALWAYS hoping to have that effect on readers. Writing is a two-way street, and reader responses to writing are crucial.
Thank you so much for leaving such a lovely review for me!! Report Review
The feel of this story is possibly what struck me the most as different from most stories I've read. The way it is written, in my case I've found myself to be reading it very... passivly, like an outsider, seeing Harry go through all those events without really feeling them... until the last sentence.
It was the last two words that really spiced up the entire text in my point of view. It struck me hard and gave me that long shiver in my spine. Because they change everything. It's like now we aren't sure if he died... or if his paranoia died. We aren't sure if it is him dying and his paranoia speaking or the opposite if you know what I mean. It makes for confusion and struggle in the reader's mind.
Which is a good thing in this sort of fic, and possibly in any sort of fic when that was the goal.
I also feel like if you have another One-Shot idea for a mental illness on Harry's part, you should go for it. Because the mere concept is fascinating.
Throughout the books JK has made Harry out to be such a hero that people tend to forget two simple things: he has flaws, and no matter how magic, he remains humain. This sort of fic brings back this reality in the readers mind. In fact, after all Harry's been through and at such a young age, it would not be surprising, it would actually be probable, that he would have some sort of post-trauma. And Harry's paranoia seems to be a good choice concerning his background. He would be so convinced of his visions being real, what with his connections to voldemort and with his "hearing voices" back in CoS, that he would not even consider him being wrong. Accusing his friends of betraying him would fit him too, oddly, because though he trusted his friends... he never really did. Always trusting his own impulses before that of others.
All in all, I think this is a particularly interesting piece of work.
You did a great job on it and I would encourage you to write this other One-Shot idea you were thinking about :)
Hope I was helpful!
-JuneAuthor's Response: I'm glad that this one-shot seemed to have a distinctive tone about it; Harry's emotions are so bizarre in this story that it would be a bit weird if it didn't. ;) This story's actually one of my favorite things I've yet written, and it sparked the transition into making more of my one-shots stylistic, instead of just straight prose, so I'm pretty fond of it.
Harry definitely does die at the end of this; that's irrefutable. :3 The euphemism "passed on" and the redness on the floor point to that, as does the line about freedom. Harry's been freed from that paranoia, from Voldemort inside his head, even though in actuality Voldemort no longer exists inside of him.
I think it would have been so, so hard for Harry to just bounce back after Voldemort was gone, like everything was fine. Nearly his entire life had been based solely around the fact that an evil wizard wanted to kill him, and that he was the savior of the wizarding world. Coupled with the fact that he was a Horcrux, that's a pretty powerful burden for anyone to bear, let alone a teenage boy.
I'm glad you liked this! :) Thank you for being willing to review it for me. I definitely am going to write that one-shot, though it'll be different from this one in several ways. Thank you again!! Report Review
GAH! I don't even know where to start, but this is so lovely. Creepily lovely albeit, but lovely all the same. I may scare you when i say this but i love these psycho descent into madness type stories. There is something very haunting and raw about it that explores what it means to me human in this really bare bones kind of way. Like i felt like all the niceties were just stripped away and you showed this part of humanity and part of Harry that people don't tend to explore. I usually avoid reading post-Hogwarts Harry because he's usually written as if everything is just hunky dory and life goes on pleasantly for him as if those 17 years didn't exist. But they did. I think one of my favourite parts was where he was flailing in the mirror and seeing 'Voldemort' or himself as it were.
Something that I kept coming back to in my mind was maybe there was a part of Harry that was just bored with life after the war. So bored with not being the saviour or simply knowing that each day might be your last. That would be a hard pill to swallow as he lived so differently and desperately for so long it would be so hard to jump into normalcy.
I adored your writing here Jane, really, i did. It was so fabulous! I could point out some lines that i really loved but there were so many well written thoughts and observations in this piece that i wouldn't know where to start. But you've written this so poignant and i feel so close to Harry right here. So with him. I hope that makes sense.
I loved that you chose to wrote about Harry during this time and wrote him so darn well too. There was such beautiful imagery and there were many parts that it took me a bit to actually understand but i don't think that was a bad thing at all, it just made me pay attention to the details. I really liked the out of order sort of weird structure you have here because makes it seem jarring and really reflects Harry's mind frame. I think its so commendable when the author can not only write a piece well but that the very bones of the story all reflect the point behind the story. In this case, i felt like everything was reflecting Harry's loss of reality. I hope that makes sense, but i feel like i'm flailing with words right now to describe this. Annywaaay! Such a great job. Anyway, honestly, lovely job and i'm so glad we were able to exchange, even if it took me ages to get around to reviewing! :PAuthor's Response: Oh, I know totally what you mean -- descent into madness stories are some of my favorites! ♥ I love the adjectives you used, too. 'Haunting' and 'raw' describe the mood perfectly. I've got the same issue you do. Harry was basically one messed-up kid for 17 years, and he's not reverting back to normal overnight! I can't imagine him doing that with any amount of ease.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I was a bit nervous, of course -- I always am when requesting reviews on this story. I never know how people are going to react. :D But you really seemed to get this, and I so appreciate that!
The entire style was written intentionally -- the syntax, the diction, the way the paragraphs were structured. My ultimate goal was to make the reader feel, not just read, and you GOT that. One of the best responses to it yet! This is one of my favorite one-shots of mine, and I'm just beyond pleased you understood it so well. :3
Thanks so much for leaving such an awesome review on this, Zayne, and again -- really, really happy you liked it! I'd exchange with you any time! ♥
This was really good. You wouldn't think Harry acting like this would work but it just does :) Really good!Author's Response: Oh my gosh, I am so glad you liked this! This is, if I may, one of my favorite one-shots on my page, because I adored writing it. Getting into the head of a psycho and exploring how they operate -- gah, nothing excites me more. Is that strange?
Anyway. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review, it really does mean so much to me! I'm glad you stopped by! Report Review
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I think this might be my favorite one-shot of yours too. It's haunting and desperate, every word written with precision.
I kind of love insane Harry. It's terrifying, what he's going through, seeing things that aren't there, wishing for the noises to stop. It makes sense, though. After everything he's gone through to finally crack. It almost seems like he has some obsessive compulsive tendencies, with the counting steps, etc.
I think the last section is my favorite. That they're together, though they really aren't, because Harry is crazy and thinking that he sees Voldemort, when it's really just him.
I just don't even know what to say except how brilliant and wonderfully constructed this was. Very disturbing, the ending especially, but an excellent in-depth look at one way Harry could've turned out after the war and everything he had gone through with Voldemort.Author's Response: GOT TO LOVE SOME PSYCHO!HARRY. I was going to enter this into a TGS competition at one point, and then got a bit selfish and kept it for myself. :D I can't regret this too much, though. I just am very proud of this story.
I have social anxiety and mild obsessive-compulsive disorder, as well, and most of Harry's experiences (like the step-counting you pointed out) are things I do on my bad days. Especially where he talks out loud to himself, repeating the same thing over and over -- when I'm embarrassed at something I've said, I repeat it constantly over and over while walking away. It's probably not the best thing to admit, especially for everyone to see, but I think it's important to mention that a lot of this story is based on extremely factual firsthand experience, if only to add credibility to the story.
Thank you so much for this review -- seriously! I am pleased as punch you like this, too, because I think you really /understand/ it, you know? Anywho. Long story short, I am so, so indebted to you, and you are just amazing in ways that words don't convey. Thank you so much!! Report Review
Alright first of all I like the premise of this. It confusing but in a good way, I think you meant it to be vague most of the way through. I do think however that it could be wrapped up a bit better so those who read it are positive of what happened. It's a little unclear at the end what was going on throughout the fic. My best guess is that Harry is still possessed by Voldemort and it's driving him insane?
Before I focus on all the things you did well, I'll point out the things that could be improved upon. :) First, when it comes to the actual readability of the piece: Try to limit your comma usage! This is a common mistake and I'll be the first to admit that I'm a crazy comma user. I have to consciously remind myself to not use too many. Try not to use them so often, it creates unnecessary pauses and gets messy to read. Also, you tend to get overly wordy when describing things. Description is good, but limited description is better! Don't use more than one adjective/adverb to describe one thing. Also try alternating between short and long sentences. I see you have a tendency for long sentences, you use very few short ones. You could solve your comma problem easy here, instead of using many commas just split the different clauses into different sentences in some places.
I honestly don't have much to say on the plot. It was very nice. :) Very good ideas, you linked them together well and created a strong story.
Next are a few nit-picky items:
First, you say that Harry is temporarily "unawares" of the people behind him. Typically the word "unawares" is used when saying someone is "caught unawares", or in a state of being "unawares". It sounds awkward in this context, and I'd consider changing it to simply he was unaware of them behind him, without the s.
You have a small grammatical typo, when Harry is trying to remember the name of the two men. You say "what were there names?" when it should be "what were THEIR names?"
And for my last nit-pick: Harry says "That shouldn't be hard to process, can it?" This doesn't make sense. The words "shouldn't" and "can it" should agree. You could either say "That CAN'T be hard to process, can it?" or "That shouldn't be hard to process, SHOULD it?"
I think this piece has very good flow. It doesn't ever get boring or slow down too much. There's very little grammatical and spelling errors, and the suspense is set up very well. You have the readers wondering what is going on and wanting to read more so they can find out. I also especially like the scenes where Harry has his panic attack moments, such as in the woods or in his office. You describe those VERY well, they're actually my favorite scenes of the whole story. :) If you wanted to make them even better, you could look up panic attack symptoms or disorders such as post traumatic stress disorder and OCD, since he seems to exhibit some of the behaviors of those disorders.
Thanks for asking for my review. I enjoyed reading this. :)Author's Response: Ooh, thank you for catching those! I've looked over this story countless times and /still/ find typos like that. Much appreciated!
The commas and long sentences are solely for stylistic purposes, and are there intentionally. :) It's a sort of reflection on how twisted Harry's mind is, if that makes sense. A bit dragged and confused, you understand, and not to mention this story was heavily inspired by Cormac McCarthy and William Faulkner -- stream-of-consciousness masters, and I was reading them both simultaneously when writing this.
I actually have social anxiety disorder and have had panic attacks, as well as traces of obsessive-compulsive disorder, so I tried to draw on those experiences in this as well. :) They might not be stereotypical expressions of those disorders, but they're very much mine.
Thanks for reviewing this so quickly! I'm very grateful. :) Report Review
Wow, this is going to hard to write a review for. First I'd like to ask you what your thought process was, second I'd like to congratulate on writing a really good one-shot, the entire story was so detailed and your emotion was so spot on, and the language...it's just so good! ;)Author's Response: My thought process... I'd wanted to write a story where Harry loses his mind for a really, really long time, because psychological thrillers are tied with dystopias for my favorite sub-genre. There was some random challenge, and I don't remember it now, that allowed me to do this; needless to say, I got selfish and kept it for myself. :D It's one of my all-time favorite things I've ever written, though.
During actual writing, I didn't think too much, but tried to concentrate on little scenes that kept cropping up in my head -- the green in the floor, the paperweight, the cracked mirror. Two prevalent themes in this story are colors and glass, and both are supposed to symbolize frailty, weakness.
Thank you so much though, Arielle! I'm really glad you liked this story -- like I say, it's one of my favorite things of mine. :3 Report Review
Wowe. Wonderful, again. Really captivating and eerie and brilliantly written - lovely vocabulary and such.
Oh yeah, remember me? You from another dimension or something like that. I was thinking of the tenth Weasley after Ginny, but now there's a whole load of next gen.'s, so it isn't as understandable.
My mindless rabble aside, this was great, 10/10. :)Author's Response: Thanks so much -- this is definitely one of my favorite stories I've ever written. I love psychological mind-twisters and dystopias and all that sort of thing, and I always thought Harry might have been just a smidge messed up, no?
Your name always makes me laugh! So similar. :D I was thinking of that sort of tenth Weasley as well, and totally forgot about Fleur in the process... Whoops.
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review! ♥ Report Review
This has actually sent shivers down my spine. It's so incredibly well written about a very plausible issue. It can't have been easy for Harry to just move on after the war, and as your story explored; maybe he could never move on at all. I thought it was really interesting how he thought Ron, Hermione and Ginny had all turned against him; those who had stayed with him the longest, but it was also quite emotional.
To conclude, like all your stories, it was wonderful.Author's Response: Wow -- thank you SO much for this review. :D This is one of my favorite pieces I've ever written, and it definitely gave me shivers too, so that reaction is received well on my end.
Seriously -- thank you. I honestly cannot tell you how much your review means. Report Review
FINALLY I GET AROUND TO READING PSYCHO!HARRY :D
Vell hello, Janechel. This vas pretty awesome. I honestly don't know why I'm writing in a Viktor Krum type accent, but hey.
I mean, I guess that's slightly weird of me to say after I just read about a psychologically messed up Harry, but it was extremely well written! It can't not be awesome! I did not expect any less from you, of course. ♥ I absolutely love some of the sentences you write; for example: "He collapsed onto the floor and the wand slipped from his fingers, rolling away and meeting with shadow." OOH, MEETING WITH SHADOW. I LIKE! Your manipulation of the English language is quite creative! /and there goes my poor attempt at sounding sophisticated and grown up. It just won't happen. :P
I think it's a very logical idea that Harry would go crazy after defeating Voldemort. Having those memories of the awful experiences in OoTP at the Ministry, the final battle, etc., are bound to scar a person (hardy har har!). Honestly, I was a bit confused at the end. You say Harry was Voldemort and Voldemort was Harry, and then you say it was only ever Harry. Are you saying that it was just that Harry was crazy? Or are you saying that piece of Voldemort that was bound to Harry never died, hence he kept messing up with Harry's mind? OR ARE YOU SAYING BOTH? oh, the intrigue of it all.
I really enjoyed reading this, Janechel! I liked how your tone throughout was more like one of an observer and not as emotionally connected to Harry as it might be. It gives a sense of detachment from the character that lets the reader imagine more things & construe more possibilities as they read, which is really fun and amusing to do xD
So to wrap this up.
this was such a horrible story.
jordan ♥Author's Response: Viktor Krum's pretty awesome. I'm surprised people don't type in his accent more often. VELL HELLO, JORDAN.
That entire last chunk of the story was written stream-of-consciousness and I have not touched it since. I am glad you were confused. :D (Is that strange? OH WELL.) Basically, it goes as so --
Harry is only seeing himself in the mirror, Voldemort is obviously not there. He's been defeated. But his mind twists his own image and he sees Voldemort as himself, because he's going mad, you know. His mind's somehow got it that Voldemort is still inside him. It's like he's jumped a few years back in his mind. Then, for a split second, when he casts at the mirror and it cracks -- right before it shatters -- his mind is cleared for the very briefest of moments. And he sees himself, as he would have seen all along has he not been insane. Then the madness consumes him again as the mirror shatters, and the pieces kill him.
Wow. That sounds a bit dark.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUCH A LOVELY REVIEW, JORDAN. ♥ I am very glad you enjoyed psycho!Harry!
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums with your review! FINALLY! haha I'm sorry it has taken a while.
Anyway, this was fantastic. I absolutely loved the imagery you gave us. It wasn't overly detailed so it worked wonderfully. You didn't have much dialogue but that worked out just fine. I did not see any grammar mistakes...or anything!
I absolutely loved how Harry descended into madness bit by bit...however, I would've loved to see how Ron, Hermione and Ginny "betrayed" Harry. Or some explanation as to what happened. You know...I've always wondered what would've happened if Harry got all Horcruxes but the one in him before killing Voldemort. Would that mean that he, in the end, would go mad for having the only remaining piece of Voldemort inside him? Or perhaps, in your story, it was just the stress...he didn't have a regular childhood...battling evil and all.
Honestly, the way I was reading this I was reminded of the movie Aronofsky's Black Swan or Lars von Trier's Melancholia where you KNOW this is not going to end well...and yet it was for the best.
Anyway! This was a fantastic read! Thanks!!
--PerelandraAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! No worries about the length - a review at all, no matter when it's left, is more than good enough for me. :)
Ron, Hermione, and Ginny never betrayed Harry at all. He just tricked his mind into thinking they had, and it took it from there. He's convinced they're neo-Death Eaters, and all they want to do is have dinner with him, all the normal things good friends do. It's his insanity that twists that around.
I love exploring minds - they're so tricky and twisty and fascinating. :3 Thank you again for taking the time to leave a review, I appreciate it very much! Report Review
This is incredible. Really. It was crazy and chaotic and sort of unnerving and all around wonderful!
I felt as though having it out of order really helped illustrate Harry's insanity here and made it feel sort of jarring - in a good way, though, because I felt as though it was on purpose. Does that make sense? (it's late at night, so excuse me!) Anyways, I really enjoyed the style it was written in is what I'm trying to get across.
I liked how you showed Harry in this, too, because it's not the typical way that he's characterized. Yet it made sense to have Harry be insane - it actually feels more logical for the war to have left some sort of lasting impact on him.
The other characters felt very canon as well, which is always nice. Ron was particularly well done!
It could be a bit confusing at times, but I felt as though that added to the overall feel of the piece. I could really feel his paranoia and all of his emotions :)
You have a way with words that's really remarkable. You painted such a vivid mental picture in my mind that it was really beautiful. I have to say that this line will probably stick with me for a while: "Time stood still just before the pieces, jagged and beautiful and dangerous, exploded everywhere, and for that brief oasis of time he saw himself. It had only ever been himself." Completely gorgeous.
The ending was perfect. Sorry that this review isn't actually very helpful... I was blown away by this piece and really, really enjoyed it. Great work and I'm so glad I found it! :)Author's Response: EEEK. How do I respond to this. I am baffled.
I am so glad you found it jarring and confusing. :D Weird? Yeah, I know. This story was heavily influenced by the writing styles of Faulkner and McCarthy, Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury" especially. The jarring confusion was planned thoroughly. :P
Thank you SO much. I am speechless with gratitude. ♥ Report Review
Hello! Naida here from the forums with your review!
This was amazing. Honestly. I read this through twice trying to find something I didn't like about it. The idea, first of all, isn't typically explored as much as it could be. I assume, and I may be completely wrong here, that Harry's mental issues are a result of PTSS type thing, which is so plausible. The kid's been through a lot. I think there'd be some lasting effects. You managed to capture that, and give us a view into his broken mind, and you did it so well!
I really loved some of the word choice and imagery you had going in here. One of my favorite lines was "Time stood still just before the pieces, jagged and beautiful and dangerous, exploded everywhere, and for that brief oasis of time he saw himself" which is, incidentally, probably one of the most poignant lines I've EVER read on HPFF. The jagged and beautiful and dangerous part gave me such a vivid image of what was going on, and it really was incredible. The way you worked magic with the words wasn't easy.
I really wish I could give you some proper critique on this, lol. It's just so flawless. I couldn't even pick up on any typos. Um, the one thing I think you could improve slightly on is the flow between sections. In the sections, that really fragmented and twisted approach of linking things together works well, but it's a bit jumpy between sections. What I mean by that is that you're taking me to an entirely new place, and I have to just become accustomed to that for the first few paragraphs, making me miss out on your wonderful writing. Just a tad bit more continuity between sections would be absolutely great.
Really though, one of the best one-shots I've read in a long time! You did an incredible job with this.
-NaidaAuthor's Response: THIS REVIEW. You've left me completely boggled, thanks so much for such glowing compliments. I cannot express my appreciation for them enough.
As for the linking -- the jarring is on purpose. :) It's supposed to sort of unsettle you for a bit. The writing is based heavily on the styles of Faulkner and McCarthy, and they're both very complex writers. Not easy to read, let me tell you! Continuity, I feel, might detract from that.
Thank you SO much, honestly. This was an amazing review and I am honored to have it. Report Review
that was... that was breathtaking... like seriously, I really enjoyed Harry being portrayed in this way, as obviously his life wouldn't just go back to normal after the war... he'd be paranoid or disturbed in some way.. and this shows it beautifully :)
Your description is immense, and the end gave me shivers ^^
Well done, it really was fantastic :), 10/10
-Chloe XxxxAuthor's Response: ♥
I'm so glad to hear it gave you shivers! :D Odd as that sounds, it's what I was going for. Fluffy romance, this isn't.
Thank you SO much for your review, it's really appreciated so much. More than I can say. Report Review
imaginary lines here with your requested review!
woah. that's the first word that comes to mind now that i finished reading the one-shot. woah. it made me feel for harry, feel his pain and his confusion and what it was like after voldemort. i've never really thought about harry and his troubles and how he very well could be imagining tom around the corner all the time.
his paranoia is something that i never really thought about in general. i just kind of assumed that everything was alright by the end, but you wrote an awesome one shot about what it could have been like. paranoia sips into everyone, especially when something traumatic happens like this.
it made me sad. there wasn't any grammatical errors, that i could tell and i could see hermione and ron acting very in character. i enjoyed the one-shot!
and now i'm going to go read something happy to pick my mood up (;Author's Response: Happy is always good, although I do prefer it in moderation. :D (That sounds depressing, yeah?) Your review left me speechless, 'twas lovely.
Thank you very much for being willing to come by and give 'Descending' a read -- I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your requested review! :)
So I found this story very interesting, and on the whole, I thought it was quite well-written. You definitely conveyed his hopelessness and desperation and confusion very convincingly.
What I liked less were the transitions. They were very choppy and abrupt, and it was difficult for me to figure out exactly what going on. I wasn't sure why Ginny had abandoned him, and I definitely didn't understand how Ron and Hermione had done so (or if they even had done so, since they weren't acting like it). On some level, that confusion is a good thing because it helps get the reader into Harry's mind, but it's only good in moderation. It kept me from really fully identifying with Harry's emotions because I was too busy trying to figure out what was going on. At times I was even wondering if we were seeing flashbacks. Does that make sense?
On the whole, it's a good story. I think it could be great if you made it a bit clearer and smoothed out the transitions a bit. :)Author's Response: Hey! I've sent you a PM addressing your issues, so I won't rehash that here. :D
Thank you for taking the time to leave a review, I really do appreciate it very much! Report Review
Hi! Here with your review! :)
Wow. This was fascinating. I loved how it was out of order. It made the story seem chaotic, and I thought that it added to the questioning of Harry's sanity. (Although, there isn't much to question, is there!?)
I loved how he constantly looked around, seeing death-eaters, and flashes of green. I'm sure it would be difficult leading a normal life after having such a stressful adolescence, and you really wrote about it well.
I loved the beginning where he said don't look on the floor, and then it was explained later, also. It was a really nice touch.
The mirror in the end was brilliant, also. It was a very good way to end the story, in my opinion. The ending was really simplistic, yet very dramatic, adding to the depth of this story.
Such a fascinating concept, and it was written so well, too. I really enjoyed it. Definately think you should concider more stories like this in the future. :)
Leanne :)Author's Response: I wrote it sort of jarring and rough on purpose, and I'm glad you appreciated it. :) It seemed to confuse some other people! It was heavily inspired by William Faulkner and Cormac McCarthy (brilliant writers, I recommend them both highly) so it's a bit abstract.
I'll definitely consider writing more stories like this, it was one of my favorite things I've ever written. :3 Thank you for leaving such a lovely review! Report Review
OH WOW psycho harry! I like how this was something I could actually imagine--it seems very spectacular that harry would have a completely sane mind after having a life like his.
I also really, really like how he sees what had been happening in the cracked mirror--it's all shivery and dripping and I just appreciate it.
Also, this sentence: "He wondered, idly, why his old scar remained painless."
LOVE IT. So simple, like the reality that Harry convolutes--perhaps out of a subconscious desire to have that kind of life again? To be important in that way again? To be the only one, the one and only who can really stop evil and save the world? This leaves me with all the right questions and only tells me what I might need to know--cleverly sequenced, I think.
I like how, also, the tie in with the headline at the beginning is something just ambiguous enough--we can draw our own conclusions--there aren't any drawn out rants about it. Like it doesn't make it to Harry's consciousness, but it is kind of what sets things off.
LOVELY PSYCHO, yo ♥Author's Response: I always thought so, too -- maybe he wouldn't be messed up to this extent, but come on. The guy was carrying a bit of Voldemort around inside him for seventeen years. That's intensely creepy.
YOU'RE LOVELY, yo. ♥ Thank you for leaving a review, Lily! Report Review
JANECHEL I --
The way you told this story blew my mind! I know how you hate writing out of order, but the chaos of it all really worked to show Harry's descent into madness. Silly crazy Harry.
I think he really just needed a hug.
Anyway. I think my favorite parts were the little bits about him looking/not looking at the floor. It seemed to be the perfect way to start weaving the paranoia into everything, because what person is afraid of looking at the floor?
The Ron and Hermione bits too. Those were totally brilliant and the part where Ron quit the Aurors was so... hard to read. Poor crazy Harry :( Your description seemed to be just right to help convey the mood too!
Totally enjoyed this to the max!
AnnieAuthor's Response: ANNIE Y U SO AWEZOME.
I am speechless. YOU'RE AMAZING AND YOU NEED TO GET ON SKYPE SOON SO I CAN HAVE MORE DRARRY.
(That's about the extent of comprehensive babble I can spew in relation to your review.)
♥ Report Review
Oh. My. Goodness.
I don't usually read stories like this (oh, the kind where Harry goes mad and Voldemort and whatever mayhem) but this is... ryfutihj amazing.
The way he transforms into the character that he becomes in the end, crazy, is perfect.
seriously, write more words like this.Author's Response: I don't normally WRITE stories like this, but for some reason once I got this idea I immediately knew I had to do it.
And your review has reinforced that -- thank you so much, I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to me. ♥ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection