You have to continue this story!! It's amazing!! Report Review
amazing i can't wait to read more! update soon please! Report Review
VividImagination from the forums at your service!
This was hauntingly good! So different, yet refreshing. I was a little disturbed by the fact of Draco being a veela but if you work with it you can make Draco work! ;)
And also I think veela is a gene, so he is human. I don't think the veela gene does anything but make the person handsome/pretty. But its really good! I expected Hermione in the beginning but it was Daphne!Author's Response: Well thank you so much! This was a blast to write! I just wanted something different! Report Review
Hey, this is SamMalfoy93 with your review. :)
*Shivers* A Dramione I never read before? This is a story I've never read before! It's... It's... Wow. A little scary. I love it. Horrors are my favorites. I got chills. :)
I've also never read a story where Draco's a crazy, psycho veela (yes?). It's really interesting to read and I will be reading more.
Sam.Author's Response: awe, you are so wonderful! Yes, this is like nothing before! Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! Please forgive me for the long wait. I have been incredibly busy, but I finally made time for this. Yay!
And I think you are off to a great start. You have an awesome story coming along here. So far, it seems very unique and well thought out.
I thought you started it perfectly. Very well done. Your descriptions there in those opening paragraphs were brilliant and I think you nailed it. With that scene, you really pulled me into the story. You had me captivated and intrigued. I wanted to know what was going on. Really, so brilliantly done.
That opening paragraph had such an eerie and gloomy feel to it. It really set us up for the rest of the chapter. I was captivated, and I was on edge. There was this great sense of mystery about it all.
Many questions arose in a good way as the story progressed, and as some were answered, others arose. You really did a good job with making this so mysterious. Not only did the descriptions fit perfectly with that tone, but the dialogue following it all fit perfectly.
I think you have such an interesting take on a fic here, and I really would like to see where you will take this. Honestly, I think this is so unique. You have me wondering just what is going on with Malfoy, why he's after Hermione, the whole human factor in this.
And then everything in Azkaban. Ah, that was all spot on. I do think that the prisoners would be given a number, so that was a nice little characteristic that added to the reality of things. And the kissing platform. All of these things were brilliant and to the point where I think you created an awesome Azkaban in this piece.
And then Malfoy. Wow. Great characterization. He is clearly demented. We see this awesomely through his dialogue to Daphne, his crazed words. When he described that he had 'eaten his soul,' I found it an odd and graphic description, but seemingly perfect and fitting. With that word choice, I really got it and I got this vivid picture in my head. Then I saw just how demented Malfoy has become.
Really very good. Your plot seems to be off to a fantastic start. Your tone and flow were wonderful as well. You really pieced together a great opening to a story. This is definitely the kind of chapter that pulls a reader in.
There were a few grammatical mistakes here and there. Just misplacings of commas etc., but sometimes we as authors learn different placings. So I don't know what you know as proper, but generally there are commas separating a name from the rest of a sentence in dialogue. Here's one I noticed that I can point out:
"Anything last words Draco?"
From what I was taught, a comma would follow 'words.' And then also just a word mistake, I think you mean 'any' rather than 'anything.' ;)
Just one of the things I caught. There were some other word switches or comma misplacings like this, but nothing major.
Really good job. Im so glad you requested. Thank you for introducing me to this story. Feel free to come request again when the next chapter is up. :)Author's Response: AWe, thank you so much! Your review is wonderful and oh so very helpful! I am very relieved to see that someone understood my metaphor. I don't mean literally eating a soul, that's just weird. But thank you for understanding it! You truly are a good reader! I am watching out for grammar, I went a little comma happy. I will most definitely request you again when chapter two is up! Report Review
imaginary lines here with your requested review!
this kind of gave me the creeps in a good way, no lie. draco is a mad man lol. i would like to see how you take this story and why he is a mad man. this is a very different dramoine, like you said on the forums, and it intrigued me lots.
there is so much potential in this story. i know i said this, but i cannot wait to see where you take this story. it makes me want to read more than what has already been written. perhaps try to make the chapters just a little bit longer, that would be even better.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will definitely do that! The next chapter is waiting to be in queue! Report Review
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums!
Alright so I just came here to see if it was something I would go ahead and add to my list to read since I'm done with my 2 out of the 3. However...I could not stop reading! It sucked me right in and without even knowing I'd finished the chapter...so I figured I should review!
I like how Daphne Greengrass became a warden. However I have to ask...how long after the war is this? Because Daphne was a year younger than Malfoy so this has to be quite a few years after the war. Unless there was another war? Is this an AU where Hermione was with Zabini? Color me confused. I guess since this is still the first chapter we don't know what is going on but I wanna know! Haha!
Your opening was brilliant with full of detail about Azkaban. That detail,however, left a bit from the middle of your story to the end. Grammar wise...you've got to work on the whole punctuation thing. You have commas where they don't belong in dialogue followed by a capital letter.
Other than that...I would say to work on your detail because you have an interesting story here. Don't want to lose your readers for the lack of description.
PerelandraAuthor's Response: ahaha, my intention was never to get you sucked in and read the whole thing.;) But I'm glad you did. Yes, it is the first chapter so some things are a bit vague. I promise it will get better. THank you so much for the review though! Report Review
Ecstatic I found your story! A joy to have something different from the usual fare. You are definitely going on my Google page as I don't want to miss your updates. Until your next update!Author's Response: awww, I'm flattered :) Thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you enjoy it! Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your requested review!
I'm honestly not sure what to think of this fic. There are parts of it that you did absolutely brilliantly, and other parts that just confused me. I'm certainly intrigued, which is more than I can say of any other Dramione I've ever read.
The way you describe Azkaban is terrific. I definitely got a feel for the darkness and the despair of the place, and for the bitterness of the PoV character. It's a dark story, and you portrayed it perfectly.
What confused me was the backstory. I saw in the description that this was a sequel but could stand alone. I'm not sure that I think that that's true, as it stands right now. I read the flashback a few times and still didn't really understand what was going on, and while I kind of gathered that Nott is Daphne's son's father (I think), I have no idea why Malfoy knows it or how he's taken anyone's soul, or what Hermione has to do with any of it. It's not necessary to spell out everything, especially in a one-shot, but I would have liked to understand more than I did.
I really think that it's well-written - you have a few issues with dialogue (where you use capitals, periods, and commas), but other than that, it's terrific. The issue for me was that I just didn't know enough to really follow it.Author's Response: I understand, it is just a prologue, more will be explained in chapter one. It will be able to stand alone, I'm sure of it :) But thank you so much for your review and wonderful words! Report Review
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