First off thank you for your entry.
This was a good story, well-written, and I like the awkwardness of Teddy and Victoire. Since we know little about them, we can write them however we want, Teddy seems to have Lupin's pensive nature, and Victoire complements it nicely. It would be nice to see a bit more of Teddy, and more into his thoughts.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. :) Thank you for the review! Report Review
Gah, this was all really, really sweet, and I seriously enjoyed reading it. Victoire and Teddy really seem like real characters, and that makes it all the better. Keep on writing your lovely stories, because you're honestly quite good at that.Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you liked this story so much - it was my first Teddy/Victoire, and it really got me absolutely obsessed with the ship.
Thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
I have read/am reading the stories above and I think you did a great job, by connecting them all in a way.
I've enjoyed all of them, and look forward to reading more!!!
Keep up the good work!!
padmoonyfoot7: over and out!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! It always makes me feel terrific as a writer when readers decide they like one story enough to check out the others. :)
I hope you continue to enjoy them! Report Review
Loved this story! This is the second story of yours that I have read, and I have enjoyed them both immensely. Going to check out more!Author's Response: It makes me so happy that you liked my other story enough that you came to check out this one! That's one of the greatest compliments I can receive as a writer. :) Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
That was really very lovely! I especially liked the part about the instant attraction and how she likes his smile/laugh and not superficial things like his looks or money. :)Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm so glad that you liked the story. :) Report Review
I really liked that! It was fun, and well-written, and very believable (from what we know about the new generation, anyway.)Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
I don't usually read this pairing but the last couple days I've had a change of heart and I must say I see why you won the challenge.. You take ur time setting up characters and bring that tease and unknown water mentality the two wish to test . I thoroughly enjoyed it, very cute ficAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, especially as someone who usually doesn't like Teddy/Victoire. :) Report Review
I have gone butter. I just melted. I swear one of these days Teddy/Victoire will be the death of me. They just...fit together so perfectly. I rank their relationship as high as James/Lily, and that's saying something since I've read thousand of ff on James/Lily and only a handful of Teddy/Victoire. I love them! Ah, I need the next chapter for The Dark Side Of The Moon.*subtle hint* xD
The characterisation is just BOOM! so good. They just seem so perfect for each other, it's like those characters that no matter what happens they'll always stay with each other. Ah! I just love it.
Your description was really great! It helped me picture the scene and it was really romantic and cute! I mean who wouldn't love this ship?!
I think, I have to thank you for all of this. I never really would've discovered my love for them if you didn't request a review for The Dark Side Of The Moon. So, thank you. I owe you big time! :D
100/10. Just so adorable,
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Oh, yay! That was definitely my aim - I really wanted this to just come off as sweet and fun, rather than the more serious nature of some of my other fics. It just seemed to me that no one ever talked about how those two got together in the first place, and I wanted to!
I'm working on The Dark Side of the Moon now - it's not quite what I want yet, so depending on when chapter 5 of "A Light That Never Goes Out" is validated, I'm not sure whether it'll be submitted next, but I'm working hard on it! :)
Thank you so much for your reviews. They always put a bright spot on my day! Report Review
Yay for Teddy/Victoire! I love both of them along with the Rose and Scorpius! I think this story is your the best story you've written (no offence to cinas and any other stories you've written.)
There's the fact, also, that Fred kind of played a major part in this chapter. I don't really read much about him and there's not much Fred fanfics going on here on the archives so I guess I've never really seen him other than 'just another Weasley.' You make such perfect characters! Fred and Victoire making trouble? I can totally see that one, after all they are both Weasleys...
Overall, great story (as always!) 10/10 :)
Moving on...you mentioned something about HPPC when you requested this review and I'm just here to say that you should do it, you could always get someone else to do the podcast but I think you should do it yourself ( don't think of me weirdly but I really want to hear your voice...and there goes the creepiness ) I'm sure everyone would love it, the story itself is just amazing so if there was a podcast it would be two times amazing. Any who, if you ever have problems with the podcast thing and feel that you shouldn't be doing it then that's okay, I don't really like to pressure someone who's got enough on their plate already but IF you ever do it... I'll be there to cheer you on the whole way through. :)
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: No offense taken! I think that this is one of my best as well. (Speaking of Cinas, though, chapter 12 is in the queue, so hopefully it'll be validated soon-ish. :) ) This came out well to begin with, and I've polished and polished it to pieces. In some ways, it's actually really validating to hear (read?) you say that this is my best, because I kind of agree!
And aww, thanks. I probably can find the time to do this one, but I'm not sure about Cinas... hmm. Maybe I will bother you in a couple days to beg you to help walk me through it. ;)
Thank you so much for the review. :) Report Review
*picks self up from floor where I have suddenly become a puddle*
This made me melt. As in, actually melt. And not because it's so stinking hot. This was just so goddamn sweet. I wanted to get a pillow and bite into it because I couldn't handle how insanely adorable it was.
You make things so relatable, you know? When I read your stories, I kind of forget that I am reading fanfiction. I just sit back and enjoy what I'm reading and don't give it any more thought than that. It's so hard to do but you do it. You take me to the place that most authors try to do in fanfiction but there is always this block or uneasiness because I know that I am reading fanfiction. That doesn't happen with yours. Your characters are real and easy to relate to and I adore them.
I loved Victoire and Dominique's relationship in this. It's nice that they have a good relationship, for once. Until now, all the things I have read with them have always had them have a strained relationship. Maybe it's because Dominique hasn't hit her later teenager years in this, but it's just nice that they are sisters who are nice to each other. It's refreshing to read that.
And then, of course, the date. Could they GET any cuter? Teddy was so adorable in this. It was just so obvious how much he wanted Victoire as much as she wanted him and it was just... gah, so insanely and ridiculously cute. I swear, I just want to squish both their cheeks or something. But I won't. Because that would be weird.
I'm kind of sad that this ended, to be honest. I could easily have gone on reading this forever and that is testament to you!
:)Author's Response: You make me feel so awesome as a writer. I don't know if you're just being extra nice because it's secret santas or not, but either way, you keep paying me these huge compliments and making me smile a lot! :)
I'm glad you liked Victoire and Dominique's relationship in this! I get so tired of the overdone Dominique-middle-child-jealousy-syndrome. It works sometimes, but nobody ever seems to want to write about them getting along fairly well, which annoys me. They certainly occasionally fight, because who doesn't, but this is basically their relationship throughout everything I've been working on.
I'm sorry you're sad, but on the other hand, I'm also kind of happy. :P And on the bright side, you've obviously found my prequel/sequels! :)
Thank you so, so much! ♥ Report Review
Hello, hello! I am sorry that I have been sporadic with my reviews but I'm back again! :D
This made me smile. I haven't read that many Teddy/Victoire stories. All the Next Gen that I tend to read just has them lingering in the background somewhere. And they're never done that well. Teddy is a bit too perfect and Victoire is either perfect or a spoilt princess.
This is nice because you give them characters, you know? Victoire is just another teenage girl with a crush on Teddy and Teddy is another teenage boy with a crush on Victoire. Ha. It's so true, though! They like each other. I can see it. Teehee.
I'm surprised that you made Fred so old in this. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice change! Normally, he is around the age of James or Dominique so it's nice that he's a bit older in this because he and Victoire work really well together. I can really tell that they're good friends on top of being cousins.
I'm excited to read on in this! I have always wanted to read a Teddy/Victoire and it's nice that I am finally getting around to it, and with such a good one, too!Author's Response: You're actually apologizing?? Don't be ridiculous! We all have lives, especially at this time of year. You are the best SS ever. ♥
And yes! That is exactly what always irritates me about reading Teddy/Victoire! Victoire in particular. As you have definitely gathered, my Vic is neither perfect nor a spoiled princess nor even a blonde ice queen, and I like her that way. (Obviously. :P)
And yeah, I know that Fred is usually about James's age - I actually never like that because I thought that the idea that somehow everyone would have kids at exactly the same time was a bit strange. I have Victoire as leaving Hogwarts in 2018, Fred in 2019, Molly in 2020, Dominique in 2021, Louis and Lucy in 2022, James and Roxanne in 2023, Albus and Rose in 2024, and Lily and Hugo in 2026. (Just in case you were curious... I probably just bored you horribly, though. :( Sorry.)
I'm so glad you like this one. :) Report Review
Loved it! Simple and beautiful (:Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
This was awesome Beeezie! I noticed a few gramatical errors like this: alwaysliked but it seemed to be whenever you had italics you forgot to put a space inbetween. But apart from that, it flowed well and I like the characters in it! Well done!Author's Response: Whoops, I'll go fix those. Thanks for pointing them out, and for the review! :) Report Review
I really like this, your description, characterisation and everything all together really! I especially how you wrote Victoire, it was great! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it! :) Report Review
aaaw. its so cute and Funny.Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
This was a really great fic, I loved it.Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad! Thank you so much for the review! :) Report Review
Aw!!! Sooo much cuteness in one bit! Seriously though, this is bad for me to read because first dates are never like this for me! Stop spoiling me with this adorableness! I am still really liking your thoroughly non-cliched Victoire (she doesn't think she's beautiful but not insecure, not super popular with the boys, not prissy, etc). I also really like that Teddy wanted to take things slowly, and the whole "patience is a virtue" speech. Overall such a good adorable continuation of the first chapter!Author's Response: I'm glad you like my Victoire - I tried really, really hard to avoid making her cliched. She's often portrayed as a carbon copy of Fleur in GoF, and I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. I'm also really glad you like Teddy, because I had a lot of fun with him here. :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hello again! :)
Another very cute chapter. Very interesting and easy to get caught up in!
I liked the little glimpse of Dominique. She seems sweet and playful, like Victorie, but with a bit of an edge. I'm not sure about the football thing, though...? Is the Hannah girl Muggle-born? I think it would definitely help if you would explain it a bit more, because on its own it's sort of odd.
Loving the Teddy/Victoire - although I do wish they'd stick to being playful and teasing (at least at the beginning of the date) instead of getting into the more serious, romantic stuff right away.
I really like the atmosphere of the Leaky Cauldron and the bit about Victoire's friends teasing her... I think every girl can identify with that! The mirror bit was also clever and funny :)
FauxAuthor's Response: Hannah is a half-blood; her mother works with Fleur, and her father is a muggle. (Might change that around a bit, but that's the general idea.) I was worried that it would seem a bit off, but I didn't know whether introducing more information about Hannah would be distracting - I can definitely see your point, though, and I'll go back and add in a sentence explaining it.
I'm really glad that Dominique came across that way, because that's exactly what she's like!
Thank you so much for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I really appreciate the feedback! :) Report Review
Hello! This is fauxthefox from the forums with your requested review! Sorry it took me so long to get around to it!!
I love your characters! :) Specifically Teddy, because he's exactly how I would imagine him: he has the charisma of Sirius with the conscience of Remus. Maybe you could give him a bit of a temper, to make him sort of Harry-ish, too?
I love the friendship between Fred and Victoire. It's a very original idea and I think it works well! I'm excited to get to know Fred, since he's rarely written about. I also like the idea of Fred and Victoire as the Next-Generation troublemakers.
This was very cute and fun! Feel free to re-request for the next chapter(s) if you found this helpful - unfortunately, time is short, and I can only do one at a time right now.
FauxAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! :)
I've actually decided not to give Teddy a temper - I've made him pretty even keel, which is why his punching someone was rather unusual and why his complete freak out in a story I'm working on now is so remarkable that Victoire has a moment of not recognizing his voice. :) Report Review
Excellent. The characters were realistic and I enjoyed reading all of it. It was interesting how you put Victoire in Ravenclaw, I liked that. Also, to see the next generation characters interact with each other made me smile, I could visualize all of it. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) Report Review
Brielle back again with the too-long-for-you-have-to-wait-for review!!
So like I said in the last one, you've done a beautiful job with Victoire, and a perfect job on Teddy. I love them both, and the way they interact with each other is practically perfect.
When she says, "are you going to kiss me tonight?" made me smile, because it's just so... awkward, and true, that it's never written. And I /love/ stuff like that, you have no idea.
When Dom is helping her choose her clothes, and making Victoire take her to a game, its priceless. Its a fantastic depiction of what sisters are supposed to be, if only for a tidbit of the story.
I pretty much said everything I needed to last time, but there's nothing bad I can say about this chapter!
I absolutely love it.
xx Brielle :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
And again the first thing I have to say is "aww..this was great!"
Seriously though, so cute. I think your characterizations are even better than the first chapter. We really got to know them even better.
I love the relationship between Victoire and Dominique. It was very natural, what you would expect between sisters. Dom can be fairly pesky but then they have an honest moment where they love each other, and then immediately go right back to playfully bickering and Dom making fun of Vic's clothes. It was a good balance.
I also like how you said Victoire felt no one moment where she knew she liked Teddy. It kind of just happened and she just noticed it but can' pinpoint when it actually happened.
The scene where they are actually on their date is great. It had a light awkwardness to it but they do a good job of covering up their nerves. I like how at the very end, Victoire ends up being the dominant one and Teddy is more reserved. They really complement each other, with Teddy wanting to wait and Victoire being so gung-ho. Normally, the roles would be reversed, but I like how you made the female the one to initiate it.
This was great, and like I said in the first chapter, it definitely flows right into the sequel with no hitches. Granted a few years have passed from now until the sequel, there were no dramatic changes in characterization that would make me wonder what happened.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your reviews. I really appreciate it, and I'm so so glad you enjoyed this story. I've been trying to improve it, and I'm glad that I've been reasonably successful! :) Report Review
Wel...I loved this!
I actually read the sequel first, and while it was able to stand on it's own and actually make sense, I can definitely see the same characters in both. You didn't stray far from either of them or make them do completely uncharacteristic or unimaginable things in the sequel, which is good because it means that the readers can actually understand the characters.
I love Teddy and how you portray him. It's like he's trying to be cool and collected the whole time, but you can almost feel how nervous he is when he's talking to Victoire. And then when you finally think that he's composed himself...he gets all nervous when he asks her out for a drink! So cute. I especially love in the beginning how Fred says that Teddy feels like a creep when thinking about Victoire. It's a little burst of comedy and then makes you think...wow, he really is two years older than her and I can see why he would feel that! (I personally don't think he's a creep, it's just funny to then picture him with a job and his own place and then her still in Hogwarts.)
I still like Victoire as much as I did in the sequel and it's still because you made her such a normal person. It's easy to relate to her, like when she falls because she wore heels. I'm just like - wow - I am so clumsy around someone I like too!
Basically, this was awesome and can't wait to read the next chapter.Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad that you liked this one as well! :)
I'm especially glad that you liked Fred saying that Teddy feels like a creep. It sometimes bothers me that we so rarely see characters outside of Lupin being concerned about age differences when in RL, people worry about them all the time!
Thank you so much for your review. :) Report Review
This chapter was so sweet. I really liked how you brought them together.
The dialogue was wonderful! I loved the flirting. It was so realistic, because it was slightly awkward in some places. I hate it when people write flirting perfectly. That's never how it goes. This was just so natural and the flow was beautiful.
I do have a couple of critiques though. The first is that Teddy said "I love you." I know this is the end of the story, but it felt way too soon for that. I know he's older, but this is their first date. It just seemed really out of place. The other thing that I'm not fond of is the title and story summary. This is an awesome story, and I'm so glad you asked me to read it. But to be honest, I would have never picked it out of the archives to read. The title is a bit cliche and the summary doesn't really tell us much about the story. I really do suggest editing them. They just don't seem to match your story very well.
I really liked Victoire's character, though. She was very bold, and yet you could still tell she was very nervous at the same time. It was a good mixture of the too. I'm glad you didn't make her the cliche very beautiful and into herself- type of girl.
Anyway, marvelous job!!Author's Response: Thank you for the review!
And, ugh, yeah, I know. I am terrible at summaries. Just awful. I'm trying to come up with a different one...
Thanks again for the review. :) Report Review
Hi there, it's Atomic with your review. So sorry it took me so long! School had me all tied up unfortunately.
You definitely don't need to be worried about the characterization. You're doing a great job with them, and I love the relationship between Victoire and Teddy. I normally don't like Victoire/Teddy ships because everyone just jumps into the story with them already dating and it can be quite dull. I'm glad you've decided to actually set them up and develop their relationship.
As for dialogue, I loved it. It was very realistic and I don't feel like you had too much of it at all. The overall chapter was quite long though, for the amount of action involved.
It was still a great beginning though! Definitely looking forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! :) I'm glad you're liking it thus far! Report Review
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