Reading Reviews for Cracks in the Pavement
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LadyL8 Reminders

17th July 2013:
This is heartbreaking. But I loved it.

What I loved the most about this chapter was George. I loved he was still grieving- and worse then the others- that's very belivable since he lost his twin after all. I also loved (but at the same time hated for it's meaning) the quote: "we're not a family anymore". He just seemed so absolutely broken, like a part of him was missing :(

I also loved that Hermoine helped Ron recover. That's believable!

I'm crying again. You're just really good at writing. And especially your description.

I loved it again.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you think I did a good job with this chapter. For me, it was obvious that George would have one of the deepest depressions/reactions to his brother's death because Fred had been so entwined in his life prior to his death. Everyone would be upset and depressed, of course, but he would take a long time to "heal".

Haha- of course Hermione would help Ron! I don't think they would be much of a couple if she didn't! :P

Aw- thank you so much for the compliments! I really appreciate you taking the time to write me such lovely reviews! They really made my day! :D


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Review #2, by LadyL8 Anger

17th July 2013:
This so sad. Why are you doing this to me? No seriously, this is really good.

In the first chapter, you showed how they reacted to Fred's death, but what happens after that again is usually the worst part of grief; the anger. And you captured it perfectly. I'm really sad to see the Weasley family so broken, but it's realistic to think that they would be (at least for a while)

I loved the Ron-Hermione scene. Hermione is behaving very in-character by trying to help him. And Ron is behaving just like I imagine someone would after losing a brother. And I love how he just talks back to the love of his life. Poor Ron :(

I also loved seeing the different POVs, and how he's death affected them. Arthur who couldn't go to work, Ron is drunk, George is dealing with his twin's death (his scene har me crying)

Well-written but sad. I loved it!

Yours Sincerely
LadyL8

Author's Response: Firstly, thank you so much for leaving another fantastic review! Really- reading it made my day!

Yes, unfortunately the Weasley family really has to break down and suffer after Fred's death. It wouldn't be realistic otherwise- no family goes untouched by death.

I'm really glad that you liked that scene. It was one of the hardest scenes to write, for me, because I haven't had much experience writing drunken people. :P

Thank you once again for leaving such a great review! :)


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Review #3, by LadyL8 Death

17th July 2013:
Hi :)

This was such a good idea. I just loved the concept.

I'm from a large family (larger then the Weasley family actually) and that's why I loved the quote: "But Even the strongest of bonds van fall apart". I have myself experienced how true that is (sadly)

I loved how you wrote about Fred's death from Arthur's POV and still made it very believable. Your description is so flawless that I actually cried.

I don't have words right now. But I'm pretty sure this is my new favourite story.

Yours Sincerely
LadyL8

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for leaving a review! I'm so glad that you liked this story. I can't quite remember how the idea was born... But I believe that I was assigned "Arthur Weasley" in a challenge and, well, this became the story that I really wanted to tell.

Wow- that would have to be quite a large family!

Oh- this is one of those situations where it's great that I made you cry because it means that I did a good job with my description but at the same time I made you cry! I'll just say thank-you, then, for the compliment. I'm so, so pleased that you think I did a good job with this chapter. :)

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for the compliment and thank you so much for leaving such a fantastic review!


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Review #4, by Monique Birth

12th February 2013:
SO GOOD! I really enjoyed the entire story!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked it! Thanks for reviewing! :)

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Review #5, by slytherinchica08 Death

4th February 2012:
What a beautiful beginning to your story! I was pulled in right away with your first sentence describing different families. I wasn't sure exactly where this story was going to go or start but I think you have a very strong starting point with some very great description! I really felt for Arthur in this chapter and how he had to be the stong dad for all his children as they surrounded Fred's body. I love how you showed the anger and the stress going through a family who is normally seen as perfect on the outside but as you said.. no family is perfect. This was a great beginning and i really enjoyed it! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the beginning to this story as well as the description. I'm also really glad that the emotions came across properly because this is a story based on emotions.

By the way, this story is about the Weasley family's recovery (particularly Arthur) after Fred's death.


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Review #6, by Cassius Alcinder Death

22nd January 2012:
Here from review tag!

That was a really powerful opening, making a strong statement about the importance of families, and how no family can ever be perfect, regardless of how they look to the outside.

The characterization of Arthur's perspective was really good. We can see how much he and Molly cared about their children and wanted to protect them, and how devastated they would be after losing one.

Percy was great as well, I imagine he would feel some guilt after they way he fell out with his family, and would want to take it out on the death eaters.

Great start to the story!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you liked the opening- I thought that it was really important to include it because this story follows the Weasleys' struggle in the aftermath of the war.

I'm also glad that you liked Arthur's characterization as he's one of the most important characters in this story.

Thanks once again for reviewing!


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Review #7, by dreamer13 Birth

14th January 2012:
A good ending to this story. George and Fred are my favourite characters and I enjoyed watching georges healing process. I was really glad to see him have a happy ending. :') I really liked this story.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so happy that you liked the ending for this story and that you liked the way I portrayed George.

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Review #8, by foreverfleur Birth

9th January 2012:
This was a great ending to your story! It really came full circle and was just very complete both in your characterization of the family as well as your writing!

So glad I stumbled across this little gem.. I'm looking forward to your next projects.

Fantastic job again!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you liked the ending- when I first started writing this story I had only the beginning and end of the story in mind and the stuff inbetween was harder to write. I really was intending it to become a full circle- I'm glad that came across!

I look forward to reading your future reviews!


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Review #9, by leannemariesnape Death

3rd January 2012:
Wow. This is an excellent opening chapter of a story. The initial few lines did a very good job of drawing me in.
There is a strong sense of realism in this story too, with how Arthur is feeling after the loss of one of his sons; how Percy is feeling- the guilt, etc; Ron's turning to drink; Arthur's reliance on Molly. It is a really very interesting and intense first chapter, and I look forwards to reading more.

Leanne x

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you enjoyed the beginning of the chapter- I used the generalizations about families as a way to introduce the struggles of the Weasley family and I'm pleased that it worked out.

I'm pleased that you thought it was realistic- that was something I really tried to focus on while writing, to ensure that I did their emotions justice.


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Review #10, by Erin Birth

3rd January 2012:
Love this... love your style of writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

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Review #11, by academica Reminders

29th December 2011:
Oh, Ron... I figured we hadn't seen the last of that little conflict. This moment added a brief bit of levity for me with the juxtaposition of Teddy's victory and Ron's defeat, despite the dark nature of Ron's problem, so that was interesting.

It's interesting that you've just now mentioned Harry. Although this story is about the Weasleys and their loss of Fred, obviously Harry is going to have some lasting carnage of his own. Your brief mention was very powerful, though.

"After the war none of them could deny the importance of family." I think that about sums up the piece. Very poignant.

The section about dinner was really heartbreaking, especially that final line. You have a powerful way of saying so much with only a few short paragraphs or a snippet of dialogue. You can tell that George really feels like an outsider without Fred.

I don't think I've mentioned this, but I like that you made Arthur the "narrator" of this story, the one whose perspective we see all the action from. You've really done well with making him this silent patriarch, the one who wants only the best for his wife and children and extended family, wanting to protect them and keep them as innocent as possible. It's very tender to read how he coped with the war's aftermath.

I think it can be hard to write based on pure emotion; I do some of the same work, and it can be annoying when you get a reviewer who prefers more action or romance. I really like this story and what you've done with such a difficult plot, so I think I'll try to remember to come back and finish reading and reviewing it when I have time. Excellent work! :)

Congrats again on winning the challenge!!

academica

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I hadn't even thought about the contrast between Ron's defeat and Teddy's victory until you mentioned it- it's interesting what comes out without the author intentionally meaning for that to happen.

I couldn't leave Harry out of the story because for me he's so intertwined with the Weasley family that he woud practically live there and, in doing so, interact quite often with the family and Arthur in particular. Because of this, I felt it necessary to include Harry's own reaction to the war, even if it wasn't the focus of the story.

I'm glad that you like that Arthur is the "narrator" of this story, the silent witness to his family's struggles. I received his name when I entered the "Depth of Character" challenge and this is the idea that sprung from it. I enjoyed writing from his perspective because he's older, more mature, and he acts as the "head" of the family. He is able to remember the first war, the way his family was before the start of the second war, and truly understand the changes that have occurred.

I do hope that you come back to finish reading this story- I enjoy reading your reviews because they're so helpful and in-depth. Thanks so much for the reviews!


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Review #12, by academica Anger

29th December 2011:
Oh, poor Hermione! But you've written her so well, trying to be practical and worrying over Ron's health while she truly worries about the state of his heart. It must have been so difficult for her to hear him taunting her about Harry when she struggled with getting him to admit his feelings for her for many years.

I liked how you mentioned that some of the same problems persisted even after the war was over, like the hatred of Muggles and the corrupt nature of the government. It must have been hard for Arthur to sit there and obediently do his job, knowing that his son's death had accomplished so little.

Oh, George... I was waiting for you to get to him. I was very nervous about what I'd find, and I'm quite saddened by it. Between the bit about the darkness making him look dead and the line where he wondered if he was even still a twin, I'm just about to cry. Poor thing. You did well with him.

Great work! One more review to go.

academica

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that that scene came out naturally- I had a lot of trouble writing Ron's drunkeness (though once I had decided that his reaction to Fred's death would be alcohol, the scene itself came rather easily).

The problems are never completely resolved at the end of the war- there are always the peace conferences, the talks about how to prevent it next time, the need to repair everything. Unfortunately, that was probably also true for the Wizarding world and that's why I mentioned it in the story.

I'm pleased that you think I characterized George alright- he is an integral part of the story from now on and he was probably one of the people most hit by the death of Fred in the Weasley family.


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Review #13, by academica Death

29th December 2011:
Hey again!

Your opening monologue about families was really interesting. It's true, even the most seemingly perfect families have their ups and downs, and often the ones that look totally untainted from the outside can be the most messed up on the inside. The monologue did a good job of setting up this piece.

I like how you described Arthur as having survived the first war only to watch his family finally see a loss in the second. This line, in particular, really pulled at my heartstrings: "The guilt settled deep in his stomach and worried its way through the all the bones in his body." You did a great job of showing us just how devastating Fred's loss was to the family. I also liked the contrast between the wand and Fred's cold, dead body and the warmth of Molly. Family is clearly more helpful to Arthur than magic in this moment.

The end of this chapter was really powerful as well. I can tell that you worked hard to use imagery to show the reader just how much the family had been affected by the war, what with the clattering dishes and contrasting busy-ness and silence. This chapter has set the stage for a very emotional tale.

Nice work! Moving on to the next one :)

academica

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you liked the opening- it took a lot of effort to get it right. I did intend for it to have the effect you've described- to show that each family has their own problems, no matter how perfect they may seem.

I'm very glad that you found this chapter a good stage for an emotional tale, because that's what this story focuses on- how the Weasley family recovers from Fred's death. I definitely imagined Fred's death having an immense impact on their family and I'm glad that that came through in this piece.


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Review #14, by CambAngst Birth

23rd December 2011:
What a fantastic ending. I have thoroughly enjoyed following this story, rough spots and all. The loss of Fred was, I think, hard on a lot of the readers of the HP novels. Your story brings a nice form of closure to Fred's tragic death.

I didn't see any typos or continuity issues with this chapter. Everything about it was terrific. If I was going to critique you on anything, it would be the fact that I would have enjoyed seeing more of the Weasley clan included at some point. But face it, that's just personal preference. The way you kept things spartan really helped to maintain a tight focus on George, Arthur and Molly and their recovery.

Congratulations on completing your story! I'll keep an eye out for what comes next.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing and I'm so pleased that you enjoyed the ending. It was my plan from the beginning to end the story with the birth of Fred- a full circle, in a sense- and I'm glad that others feel that it was a good end.

I've really appreciated all your advice and comments in your reviews. I definitely agree that Fred's death was hard on many readers and I'm glad that you think my story brought out some sort of closure, since this story was about the Weasley family's healing journey after his death.

Thanks once again for reviewing all the way through- I really appreciate it!


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Review #15, by foreverfleur Movement

19th December 2011:
Another great chapter! I loved the moment between Angelina, George and Molly upon the big reveal.. Angelina cutting George off, George trying to salvage the moment--his humorous melding with his serious side--and Molly all knowing, just overcome with happiness... it was just a perfect fit!

This is just great! Looking forward to what is to come in the end!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing again! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter, especially the interactions between Angelina, George and Molly.

The last chapter is already in the queue- it should be validated soon!


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Review #16, by CambAngst Movement

4th December 2011:
Another great addition to one of my favorite ongoing stories in the archives.

First off, it's obvious that you took your time and put a lot of work into this chapter. The writing was terrific, pretty much free from typos and grammatical errors. I didn't notice any little inconsistencies.

And what a wonderful chapter it was. This was just superbly written. The warm, homey images you invoke, the subtle shades of emotion, it was just beautifully done. This chapter was a clinic for anyone who wants to learn how to convey the emotions of their characters without hitting the reader over the head with them. The joy and the loss and the whole bittersweet progression of life come through so clearly, without ever using any of those words.

More, more more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing yet another chapter! I'm so glad that you're enjoying this series that much! And I'm so happy that you liked the writing.

Eeee- I have such a huge smile on my face. I'm so happy that the emotions came through, since that was the main focus of this story.

The next (and last) chapter will definitely be coming soon!


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Review #17, by ginerva_molly_weasley Death

3rd December 2011:
I love the beginning of this chapter. Introducing the different types of family to set the scene of what the Weasley family actually was with their bonds.

I think you've portrayed the aftermath of Fred's death very well in the eyes of Arthur. The mention of failing to protect him really tugs on the heart strings to make us really connect with him. I love how you've also mentioned the fact about magic not being able to protect them which emphasizes the fact that even though we can't do magic we still go through the same processes of grief.

The idea of the death affecting Percy is shown really well in this with him wanting to punish as many death eaters as possible.

All of the family living again at the Burrow is lovely giving them just a chance to share time together as a family but you play really well on although they have the support of each other as a family, their lives have still been torn apart.

The last sentence is really effective with just the five words ending the chapter. It makes the reader interesting to see how Ron is actually going to cope and how the drink will affect him!

Well done 9/10

GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the beginning of the chapter- that was the type of reaction I was hoping to get.

And I'm so glad that you're able to connect with Arthur. For me this story was less based on magic and more on how emotions affect us and so it's nice to hear that those emotions were portrayed well.

I found it interesting exploring the different ways people react to grief through the Weasley family.

And yes- those last 5 words are probably my best "attempt" at a cliff hanger (for they weren't really intended to be a cliff-hanger... It just seemed to be a really good place to end the chapter).

Thanks once again for your thoughtful review!


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Review #18, by lilypotterfan123 Movement

3rd December 2011:
Loves this chapter! Every character was portrayed very well, the way you did that made the chapter as a whole really well. I also like the way how realistic this is, you know how some stories have dialogue which seems unrealistic because you doubt you'd ever say it like that? Well yours was the complete opposite each bit of dialogue seemed natural and realistic. The description was good though it could have been a little more in depth. I can't talk though, description is hard for me :

10/10
Bex x

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter as well as all the others. I'm so glad that the dialogue was realistic- that tends to be the part of the story that I have the most problems with.

And thanks for your comment about the description- I'll look at it again.


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Review #19, by foreverfleur Love

27th November 2011:
came back to check in to see whether or not the new version was up or not..

I loved all the additions! I think it clears up a lot of questions and really added to your story!

Great work.

Looking fwd to the next update!

-ffleur

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you liked the additions- I was hoping that they would clear up the gaps in the story.

The next updates shall be up as soon as the queue allows!


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Review #20, by xxJazminexx Death

23rd November 2011:
:') This was beautiful. As soon as you started talking about Fred I started crying (I am terrible when Fred is mentioned). I loved the beginning, it made you think and it was a beautiful introduction to the chapter. It is so sad though, Ron is drinking :O no. Poor Won Won!

I cant wait to see where this story goes and I will be reading the other chapters because so far I love this story!

Loved it
x

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you liked the beginning and that you're interested in reading the rest of the story!

I hope you find the rest of the story just as good!


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Review #21, by Illuminate Death

20th November 2011:
Hi! Tag!

This is an incredibly well written story! I love how you've varied your sentence lengths, making them shorter and blunter, it helps to raise the atmosphere you're describing: of shock and devastation, of the lack of a will to live. You describe all of it very well, and I enjoyed it thoroughly!

Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapter and that you liked my description. I tried to describe their feelings well, because that's what the plot of this story is about, and I'm glad it came through.

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Review #22, by foreverfleur Love

19th November 2011:
Ok--this was good too and you still have me hooked but there were a couple of things I wish you had expanded upon.

The relationship between Angelina and George--was spot on. I could see her busting through his front door and just yelling at him at the top of her lungs to get his life back on track. But--and this is mostly credit to you as a writer--I just wanted to see more. It was to fast and I felt that you could have slowed that interaction down a bit, nuanced it as you are SOO good at doing and it would have added a lot to the pacing and intricacy of this chapter.

The other thing that I wished you had clarified a bit what the jump in time? I absolutely loved the idea of the handle on the clock fading. The clock is perhaps the most iconic thing about the Weasley household and that Fred's handle would disappear was a wonderfully telling detail. I just was a bit confused as to how this section related to the top section 'in time' that is.

But otherwise--I absolutely cannot wait for the last two chapters. I'm sad that there are only two left! But I am so glad I tagged you. What a great story!!

Author's Response: Oh no- you got to this chapter before the updated version of it was validated. I'd had a few comments on this before and so I've added a few scenes to this chapter (more indications of the passing time, more details on the George/Angelina relationship) that will hopefully satisfy the need for expansion. I guess I missed including those scenes in the first place because in my head it was all worked out... I do agree with you about how their interaction could have been slowed down and I tried to do that in the newer version. Hopefully you'll read the newer version soon- it's been in the queue for several days now.

I'm glad that you liked the Fred's hand fading- I definitely agree that it is an iconic item in the Weasley household.

The next two chapters will be up as soon as the queue allows. I'm so glad that you tagged me as well- I really appreciate your reviews!


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Review #23, by foreverfleur Reminders

19th November 2011:
Ok a couple of things---I loved this chapter just as much as the previous two.

I also really love that you are piecing out so many different relationships, but not only are you weaving them together flawlessly--you are taking them in such interesting directions. I love this dynamic between Harry and Teddy. Gosh--I had forgotten all about them. But, not only are they dealing with the loss of Fred, they are dealing with so much more and that Harry would see Teddy as a way to get back to Remus or Tonks was just a brilliant insight into Harry's character. Really great job.

I also like how you have seemingly chosen Arthur as this kind of thread between the characters, between the plotlines. Though I wouldn't say there is a 'main' character in this story I just really like how you seem to using Arthur as this kind of umbrella figure--fitting because he is the patriarch of the Weasley clan but also just so intriguing because his character is also underexplored.

Moral of that ramble--amazing job! I can't believe this story has so few reviews!! Its absolutely fabulous!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing another time! I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter just as much as the last two.

Aw- I'm so happy that you're enjoying the directions I'm taking the relationships. Yeah- Teddy and Harry's roles in this story came as a burst of inspiration while I was writing the story and I'm pleased with the way their scenes turned out.

I actually had Arthur chosen for me for the "Depth of Character" challenge and this is the idea I came up with. I enjoyed writing him as the thread between all these characters because he is, as you said, the patriarch of the Weasley clan.

Thanks for all your comments- I really enjoy readin gyour reviews!


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Review #24, by foreverfleur Anger

19th November 2011:
OMG. So I loved the first chapter so much I had to come back for more... and this chapter did not disappoint in the slight!

What amazing imagery you have conjured here--and the best part is that you have nailed not just one of the Weasley characters but ALL of them. Ron, Arthur, George--gosh all of them are just so wonderfully constructed; I really feel their pain. Their dialogue and interactions with one another (Ron/Hermione and Arthur/George especially) were so natural. I just love how this story is NOT forced at all.

Amazing job again. I think I'm going to add this to my favorites now!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the first chapter so much that you read the second.

I have a huge smile on my face right now- thanks for the compliments! I'm so glad that the story doesn't seem forced- it didn't feel that way when I wrote it. It's nice to hear that the characters come through so well. And thanks for adding this to your favourites!


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Review #25, by foreverfleur Death

19th November 2011:
Wow! That was a really powerful snapshot into the life of the Weasley family post-Fred. So uncharacteristic of them--but oddly, with the loss of Fred, it just felt so right.

There were several key phrases that I absolutely loved. One when you were describing Arthur--and how his guilt 'worried through his bones'. What an interesting and telling phrase. But I think your last sentence takes the cake for me: 'Ron just fell into drink.' So simple--but so powerful.

Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter and I'm so glad it felt right, because I was really trying to get their characters just right.

And I'm so glad that you liked that last sentence- it's one of my favourites too.


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