The description in this was beautiful! I loved the way you opened this oneshot up, it really sucked me in and the ending was just really sweet! I guess I'm not sure exactly what is going on here, is Hugo going off to school for the first time, or getting married or something? But even though I'm not exactly sure what is going on, the oneshot was never confusing. I do hope to read some of your other stuff soon, as I have heard that they are wonderful which I can imagine that they are after reading this! The relationship between Hermione and Hugo seemed really nice! You can tell, without her even having to say the words or really do anything, that she loves him very much and would do anything for him. I thought this was a very sweet read and very well written! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
HEY LILY! I still need to finish 'Adventure' (I'm so sorry), but this sounds so lovely and the banner is beautiful that I knew I had to read it.
Oh that was so cute! I am kind of sad that it was so short, but I know that if it was any longer, it just wouldn't have felt right.
I love the fact that you use the third person narrator. If you used first person (Hermione), I dunno, maybe I'm being silly, but I don't think it would have sounded as good. Probably she would have over-thought things, there would be too much worrying and too much detail given, and the mystery of this piece is something that I just adore. And if you'd used Hugo as the first person narrator, all the deep meanings would be completely lost.
There is something about this piece - I can't quite put my finger on it - that makes it kind of timeless. Like this could happen every year of Hugo's life and I would completely believe it.
The descriptions, as ever, are gorgeous. You are able to describe one moment in time so poetically, so magically, that it just puts me to shame. I cannot begin to describe my envy and awe.
This is definitely becoming a favourite of mine. I truly cannot wait to read even more of yours.
Lots of love,
Hannah.Author's Response: hdawg! hello, lovely!
This was a piece in which I tried very hard to focus on physical description, and I think it sort of ended up merging with the emotive description. So basically, what I'm saying is that this story is a blob.
I think it's so interesting that you find that this is timeless, because so much of the charge of this--the momentum of it, the force of it as a piece on my emotion as a writer--was derived from the actual time period it happened in. And I suppose it's true that this day does come around each year, but it's strange, the way a story can be totally tied up in time and, also, be outside of time at all.
Thank you so much for this review! It made my day to see some appreciation for this little quaint, desperate piece.
♥ Report Review
Your description here is absolutely gorgeous, I love how you've used color to unify the vision of Hermione's kitchen. The mother-child emotions here are so believable as well, how mothers conscientously fight against having a 'favorite' but that doesn't stop the feelings from surfacing. I adore the description of "pulling the air and fitting it on like a great cape" -- I don't know how you come up with these things but I so enjoy reading them when you do :) Bravo!Author's Response: Color, oh, yes, color. That was the driving stylistic choice here, for sure! And I'm so glad that you appreciate it :) And obviously I am not a mother and I am ecstatic to hear that this isn't a total out-of-order portrait of a mother. All I know is that mothers are still as human as they ever were; and part of me was rebelling against the perfect mother stereotype. I believe Hermione would definitely be a wonderful mother, but I also think she'd be a bit partial to the surprising child, the miracle birth, rather than the little reincarnation of herself, which is really sad in a way because Rose probably only wants to please her mother by emulating her. Anyway.
I have often had the impression myself of fitting myself into a certain moment, thinking myself into it, or, putting it on like a blanket or cape ;) I'm not sure where they come from. There's probably a little factory in my head where small strange elves produce details for my stories ;)
Thanks so much for your review, Mary!! I respect your abilities as a writer and reader so it is absolutely brilliant to get your positive feedback. Report Review
I'm sort of floundering here, my fingers hovering over my keyboard as I try to come up with something to say besides lots of flailing and sighs and a general lack of ability to put into words how much I adore your writing.
This is gorgeous. Everything about it. The imagery (oh, the imagery is so, so lovely, all yellow and golden and warm). Hugo as a single reed in a field of grass. So isolated, but the apple of his mother's eye. I love that he's her favorite, all equal parts of both her and Ron, a perfect product of their love. It's just...gah, my heart clenches and it's not painful, but a longing? I don't know. Your words do things to me and they make my insides turn to mush and my fingers are just as rambly as the thoughts inside my head.
I think it's so incredibly difficult to write a scene in 500 words and yet you do so and it seems effortless and there's still substance to it, you know? Like it's not just an empty feeling or anything. It's something I admire about your writing, no matter what you're writing.
I'm sorry this review is sort of not a very good one, but I'm still lost in the beautiful warmth of this one-shot. Your writing owns my heart.
Just lovely.Author's Response: Um excuse me, Missy, how do you expect me to respond to a review like this? "YOUR WRITING OWNS MY HEART" ??? ??? ??? THERE IS NO RESPONSE FOR SUCH PRAISE.
The thing is, when I read this story, I'm like, cool, I did some things with color, and I'm always so so so surprised when people actually like it. I don't know why! But I think, if this counts for anything, that you have expressed your feelings in possibly the most beautiful way anyone has for this fic, which is more than I could ever hope to receive as feedback.
I remember being possessed by this story for a time. It took over me and I just wrote. And I didn't have to edit it down, because it came to me just like this. I don't know why, but that is how it happened and I remember it vividly.
Thank you sooo-ooo-ooo-ooo much for this review, I will always treasure it ♥ Report Review
Lily, this is so stunning. I've read this before but I just want to sit in this one-shot and bask in how lovely it is.
Recently, I've been reading fewer and fewer one-shots. I think the problem with them is that I've started to find them repetitive and predictable; the same old romantic pairing type one-shots with either cute fluffy moments or overwrought flowery angst that I can no longer stand. But then I remember little jewels like this. It's made perfectly to be a one-shot.
I have so many feelings on the descriptions. -falls over- They're stunning, lovely and perfectly balanced. They're so concise and yet, they're beautiful little observations about the world.
WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOUR SKILLS?
That is all.Author's Response: HOW WRONG IS IT THAT YOU WANT /MY/ SKILLS THOUGH. I've been pining after yours since--oh, wait, forever.
But I'm so pleased to see your review! I did put a wee bit (okay...a lot) more effort than usual into this since it has to be 500 words for the challenge and I still have trouble with wordiness haha. But I love, love the relationship of a mother with children, because it's different than anything else evar and most people have this idea that is has to be this pure, untouched thing in writing. So I went ahead and tarnished it a little.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this! I agree that a bulk of one-shots I also come across are the fluffy outskirts or margins of what, I think, is a real story. And you know me and my bitterness and ~rage~, I don't really want that haha. I don't know if I'm even capable of producing fluff. My attempts usually turn to something creepy. Anyways, I appreciate you stopping by, and I HAVE BEEN SAVING THE BIR UPDATE TILL TONIGHT SO I COULD SIT AND FANGIRL SHAMELESSLY (h) Report Review
LILY LILY LIIILY LOVELY LILY!
AAAH OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR WRITING LOTS AND LOTS AND FOREVER ALWAYS. Really, you've got such great style and a lovely prose. Your descriptions - The air was honey-coloured; the swirling kind of air of late August. The yellow sky looking like molten gold over the chartreuse hills. A white butterfly floated through the open window, landing lightly on a jar of orange marmalade.. HNGGG! I feel like Annie meeting a Korean popstar or Janechel meeting R Patz. You're that good.
I really love the relationship that Hermione and Hugo have - of cours eI already love Hugo from Adventure, but to see his mother's perception of him is just lovely. I really enjoyed seeing this. I love the homely images - the warmth and the love and everything. I generally love it lots and lots, as I do you, Lily.
Well done. Have some hearts. ♥ ♥ ♥Author's Response: HATTIE HATTAYYY!!
Baw you flatter me shamelessly :P Annie would probably keel over and lie on the ground and actually probably the same with Janechel. THIS IS THE HIGHEST OF HIGH COMPLIMENTS AND I AM NOT SURE I CAN ACCEPT IT BUT THANK YOUUU (h)
Imagery was obviously huge in this piece and I'm glad it was effective! It seems I can't be satisfied with putting adventure to rest and I had to write this to satiate a little curiosity on my own part :)
YOU HAVE SOME HEARTS, TOO!! (h) (h) (h) -you may have to use your imagination here-
What a beautiful opening! ďchartreuseĒ! Love it!
Your prose is quite delicious. The simple descriptions yet apt words really takes me into the moment as Hermione is experiencing them. Iím quite enjoying the shortened clauses and almost reminiscent feel to the atmosphere you are setting.
Wow. I donít even know what to say. The pain and struggle that Hermione is having with herself was imbued through every part of this 500 word one-shot. I can definitely feel the heartache that Hermione is trying not to let touch her. And the final paragraphs, where she is pulling herself together, shows the courage of Hermione as Iíve come to know her.
How you describe Hugo brings me to think of him as some special and favorite child (which you did put in there) but also with the ďa single reed in a field of grassĒ statement, I could suddenly see that he wasnít just special because his mother was singling him out but because he IS.
I guess Iíll have to get back to ďItís Called AdventureĒ to realize the full significance of this piece. But either way, this was lovely.
xCharAuthor's Response: Hi!!
Love the word chartreuse. I think as a color it's one of the most powerful images you can employ because it's such a vivid thing without needing any other explanation--whereas electric blue is just blue, but electrified. Chartreuse is inherently alive. (And now we see why my papers are always a page or two too long...)
I'm so glad that the emotions really happen for you--I don't really know what overtook me but suddenly I had to sit down and write this. I had no plan, which is what I think makes it especially amazing to read these reviews--things are working in this story that I didn't even plan, but they're all moving towards the general aim I sought. It's amazing.
My take on Hugo is that he's a bit of an outcast but he's a very innocent and lovely kid; whereas Rose seems more sharpish to me, I think Hermione would feel like she needed to protect Hugo, who isn't, let's say, the brightest :D
I think this story may actually be more of a pleasant companion to adventure than a compulsory backstory, but by all means, go for it and give it a read! :P
Thanks so much for leaving a review, I appreciate it a lot :) Report Review
I don't think I've ever seen a better submission for this particular challenge. There's a whole story here, a beginning, middle and an end - and it was just so touching and so beautiful.
This little moment in time with her little boy - everyone else seems to focus on her relationship with Rose but here you have drawn a very realistic and loving relationship in just 500 words - marvellous! I love the suggestion that Hugo is her favourite, because he is the both of them so combined, a reminder of their union and all the parts of them that fit.
Such beautiful imagery too - the warm descriptions give this piece an air of familiarity and fondness. Every word very carefully chosen, though you manage to make it look so easy and flowing.Author's Response: Wow, that's quite a compliment! Thank you :)
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! It's really hard for me to write things with a sparse word count--I've heard people call very long chapters/paragraphs after my name, which is a compliment but at the same time goes to show that this is a branch away from my M.O., so to speak :D
I like Rose, but my own conceptualization of Hugo makes me believe that Hermione would be drawn to him; I picture Rose as more of a Hermione mini-me and Hugo as a healthy balance of his parents and families. He's very innocent in my mind; I think that because Hermione was robbed an innocent adolescence, she'd prize it very much in her son. As well as the way that he is the symbol of the unity of her husband and herself.
I tried consciously to focus on color and space in this fic--so glad it came across and wasn't overloady :D
Thank you so much for your kind, kind review! I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Hi it's Logamind from the forums here.
This is a great story. You're descriptions were perfect, the amount of detail you went into when describing everything was truly beautiful. It really helped me picture to story you were telling.
Hugo's going to Hogwarts right? At first I was wondering why Hermione was so upset (which you've described wonderfully by the way) and then when I reread it I realised it was late August so Hugos departure to Hogwarts seemed like the most likely reason. Do correct me if i'm totally off the ball there!
The way you've described Hermiones emotions in this is genius. I really felt her pain, it was just extremely well written.
Brilliant story and written so beautifully!
LogamindAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for the quick review! I'm never that prompt :(
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! And you're right, Hugo's going off to Hogwarts. Specifically this is the night before he leaves, but with only 500 words, it didn't seem as important to say that in light of making Hermione's emotions apparent!
Also this was my first -serious- attempt at writing Hermione, and my very first as /mother/ Hermione, so I'm glad that it didn't appear OCC or anything.
Thanks so much for your review, I appreciate it! :D Report Review
Hi lily! I saw that this was a companion piece to Adventure so I had to read it :P
I love the mood you set here- somber and reflective, it kind of fills me with peace, but I still feel the nagging worry in the back of my head that Hermione feels.
When you say it was the last day he would be completely hers- I didn't get exactly what you were referring, its hard to gauge his age. But that's what I love about it, it could apply to so many different point in his life when he'd have to move on- so I'm glad you left it vague :)
great job! and wonderful writing as always.Author's Response: Hi Jade! :D
It's meant to be right before Hugo leaves for Hogwarts--I tried to get in there that it was late August, to hint at it, but you're right, that isn't /entirely/ make-or-break of a situation :)
Thanks so much for reviewing--I'm kind of experimenting with different styles, so I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
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