Oh dear what a twistAuthor's Response: Oh hello! Didn't see this review! Thank you for reviewing :D Report Review
Oh! I can't believe you left us a cliffhanger in the previous chapter and are making us wait another chapter to find out what Hermione/Draco do in the 'present time' after they find themselves face to face for the first time in years! But I still did like this chapter - it was nice to see them together in their seventh year.
I thought it was really different how you characterised Hermione's parents - because it's always seemed like a happy household with a talented clever daughter. Hermione is starting to get quite AU now though - she doesn't seem much like herself - was that your intention? or have you been trying to keep her as canon as possible?
I liked the idea of the heads having their own carriage - though it strikes me a bit unrealistic, same with the head dorms - i can't really imagine it happening in real canon, but for all purposes of fan fiction, they work! :D At least the idea of a carriage for the heads is unique - never read it before.
And again - sailing - a surprisingly original idea! And it makes good sense too with the Lake! And the quidditch thing happening - so yeah, tons of action and a really different spin on Hermione. Nice chapter :) When are you going to update this? haha, but I hope it's sometime soon!
♥ secret santaAuthor's Response: I kind of rushed this chapter...so it's not my favourite!
Oh, the way I characterised Hermione in this one is very purposeful. And her parents breaking up. I needed a way to bring Draco and Hermione together in the first place, and in later chapters it will make sense!!
Hmm...I think my decisions about the head's dorm were influenced by other Dramione fics, where they all have their own dorm...
You've prompted me to go over and change this, so thanks!
I've got the next chapter written, where we flick back to the present, so I'll submit it when the queue reopens!
Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews,
LWG :) xx Report Review
Eeeep! I really liked this chapter! Plenty of action, and some Hermione/Draco action! I can't wait for the next chapter, to see what they talk about! :D So there was a lot of nice action in this!
I liked getting to hear about Draco and Scorpius - it's quite refreshingly different how close their relationship is - usually a lot of people characterise them as hating each other. And it's also quite different how Draco and Lucius' relationship is - I'd love to know even more about why they're so angry at each other, and why Lucius suddenly visited for the first time in years.
One mistake, i think? "She sent an owl to Ginny, asking if she could bring the cousins and look after Ginny for the day, but not exactly explaining why." Shouldn't it be 'look after Rose'? :)
But anyway, a terrific chapter! I'm eager for the next, to see how Hermione and Draco react to each other! :)
♥ secret santaAuthor's Response: Yes, I never saw Draco and Scorpius as hating each other, but I do like Draco-lucius angst! I tried to bring a fresh spin to Dramione, so I'm happy you think I've succeeded!
OOps, yes that was a mistake! Thanks for pointing it out!
LWG :) Report Review
Ah, another great chapter! This is starting to turn out to be quite an original Dramione fic - I think the main thing that makes this much more realistic and believable is the AU part of it - how you said Voldemort was defeated by the infant Harry. It makes Dramione so much more realistic in your story than when people try to keep the whole story canon, but bring Dramione into it - so then it doesn't seem plausible at all! If that makes sense.
Anyway, I just wanted to applaud you on how realistic your Dramione seems to be so far! I liked that interaction between Draco and Hermione, the witty comments and the eclairs. And I really liked how you're characterising Ron and Hermione - it's quite believable for me, and I'm surprised Ron is really so insensitive as to be 'outraged' when Hermione asked him to clean up, but I suppose he could be quite the jerk if he'd been mothered for his whole life.
Very curious to see where you go with this story!
♥ secret santaAuthor's Response: Thanks! Yes that does make sense xD I'm glad it's realistic!
The Daco-Hermione banter was quite hard actually! i've got some tips from other Dramione's but most of it was 'make it up as you go along!'
Well, Ron is very much the back-up guy who Hermione doesn't really love in this story, so that's why I've done him a bit harshly, I guess.
Thank youuu! Report Review
Aw, what a great prologue! I think you've done a great job with this opening chapter - already I'm intrigued and wanting to read on, and you've given us a great load of background information in a few simple words - which is really excellent.
I like Hermione's characterisation in this - you managed to keep it pretty canon (even though this is quite an AU fic, judging by your A/N). And I really liked Rose too! How adorable that she likes Scorpius and was drawing him, hehe!
The only thing I'd point out is this part: "her qualifications had mysteriously vanished" - I'm pretty sure that was just to make her marriage to Ron make sense right?, but it would be nice to elaborate on that to make the situation even more believable and realistic.
But really, a great opening chapter.
♥ secret santaAuthor's Response: Hey Secret Santa!
The prologue is probably the only chapter on here I'm happy about xD. This fic has kind of taken the sidelines, but I have another chapter written that I'll update with soon.
I'm surprised you said my characterisation was good-I don't really think it is! But as its AU I guess it doesn't matter :) Thanks!
Ok, thanks for the advice. I think I will break that first paragraph down quite a lot, actually!
LWG :) Report Review
Don' like Dramione hun, but as its you (my
best friend in the whole world) I will pretend I actually read this far. Luv ya! (and ARTHUR) xAuthor's Response: Well...thanks?! x Report Review
This story is really interesting and entertaining. I want to keep reading it, and I don't even like Dramiones. I think Draco is so sweet in this story so far! I like it! Good job!Author's Response: Hey, I'm so glad you like it! *does a little dance* It sure does seem to have much more positive feedback than my other story. I'll write up a new chapter soon! Thanks for the review x Report Review
Congratulations on a brilliant prologue. I really enjoyed it and I was pretty hooked into the story you were creating. The plot is very interesting and you've set it up very well by giving a bit of the history and a bit of the present. You've explained a little but there are so many unanswered questions.
I loved the characterisation of Hermione. You can see her pain runs very deep an I can't wait to see why. I don't think she cares about Ron very much, just by her comments about how he is the job she wants. I have this feeling he is taking advantage of Hermione.
Rose was very sweet and the dialogue and her actions were all age appropriate for her.
The story itself was written very well and there was lovely flow and pacing. The first paragraph was a little long, and I recommend breaking it into two, but otherwise there was no issues. There was also lots of lovely description. Well done, this is an awesome chapter :)Author's Response: Aw thank you! This is the best review I've ever had; I feel honoured xD
I am quite proud of this prologue; its the first chapter of a fanfiction that I ever submitted! So it has sentimental value...
Yes, I'll see if there's a way I can edit that first paragraph: other reviewers have said the same.
Thanks dear! x Report Review
Oh my gosh, poor Hermione! This is a great start to a story. Already, I can see conflict and pain in Hermione's- I was going to say eyes, but then I realized that it was my imagination that I saw! Good job for making me forget it wasn't real! I loved the story and will read more later! I like the ambiguous ending. It leaves a lot of foreshadowing and mystery. GO BLUES!Author's Response: Hi! Thansk for the review :D Team blue forever!!!
I'm so glad you like it!
LWG x Report Review
k, i haven't read the 1st chap. yet, but as you told me, review now read later- so i am and i'm sure it's amazing but looks like a v.v.v.v.v. long
2! x but livi did say u like 2 write (epicly) long chapters.Author's Response: Haha aren't you precious! And where did you get that from anyway? If you think my chapters are long, read something like 'Delicate' by padfoot4ever. You might die! But thanks for review! xxx Report Review
First of all can I say DONT ABANDON!
I love the idea of this story, how the war didn't happen. It also draws on ideas on Rose/Scorpius which is a pairing I love :D
I think its also very well written.
GinevraMollyPotterAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for the lovely review. I'll reconsider abandoning once my new story is up! I've thought about people's advice and I'll decide later! Thanks again for reading and reviewing and the advice. LWG x Report Review
Hey LWG :) It's Pen2Paper from the forums here with your review!
I'm really glad you requested on my thread because I haven't read much Next Gen/Trio fics and was quite excited to read this one, and oh my you didn't disappoint :)
Firstly congrats judging by this prologue this is surely going to be a great story :)
I was doubtful at first since you say the second war never happened in your story. But, you did well with the change. Its a different take on the Ron/Hermione relationship, I admire you for taking a risk and pulling it off well. As much as the books give the image that they were meant to be hinting at their tension and romance early on, your novel by a few words managed to be very convincing that the couple married out of obligation and lack of options rather than love and passion.
Your young Rose was very well done, I really love how you've brought her to life. She's energetic, spirited and head-strong from what I see a nice combination from both parents.
“Oh yes, we had a whole lesson on it in Care of Magical Creatures-Hagrid gave me 10 points for Gryffindor for answering a question right!”
this might read better as:
"Oh yes! We had a lesson on it in Care of Magical Creatures. Hagrid gave Gryffindor ten points on my behalf for answering a question correctly!"
There are a few such small things, nothing to worry about. A beta could definitely help get them sorted. That's really the only criticism I can give you, that and the first paragraph seems a little too cluttered together so you may want to see how it presents after you break it down to maybe two paragraphs or something? the rest is pretty brilliant.
Plot wise, I can definitely sense the story heading somewhere good although not too much is clear at this point. Your characterization and flow are exceptionally well done and I love your dialogue, very appropriate and very fitting, especially the part where Rose asks her mother if she did love Ron all along, it's really a brilliant very observative touch. Well done.
Well done, Keep up the good work! :)Author's Response: Wow! I really appreciate this, thanks so much! I'm glad you like the time period :) I found it quite interesting to do! I'm not actually a Ron/Hermione fan so I didn't want a Romione relationship. I didn't want Ron to be...abusive or evil though. I'm glad you think I got the balance right.
I loved writing Rose! She's adorable, and this is exactly what she would be like in my head. I'll take ypur advice on the sentence structures, it's really helpful. I wasn't entirely sure of some parts.
This has made me feel warm inside! Thanks so much!
All my love, LWG x Report Review
Well. What so you think I'm about to say?
10/10 ( don't act so surprised)
~dramionedrunadrinnyAuthor's Response: Oh thanks so much...again...for being my most devoted reader! Love to you xxx Report Review
please continue ASAP! i am absolutely gripped to this story! i love it! please continue quickly! :) xxxAuthor's Response: So glad! You guys make me so happy I feel like flying! Siriusly! Next chapter coming! Yours as always,
-LWG Report Review
Pretty good chapter, a little short. But I'm excited for Hermione and Draco's first interaction after all those years! And for more of their memories together as well. [:Author's Response: Thanks for the advice on the length, I wasn't really sure on how long to do things but I'll make the next chapter even longer. The next chapter will be quite interesting I hope :D Keep reading and reviewing!!!
-LWG Report Review
Awesome story so far! I wonder what happens, it just pulled me into the action!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing again! :D Lots more action planned.
-LWG Report Review
more! please! siriuslyAuthor's Response: LOL working on chapter 3!! Thanks guys I appreciate it so so much! xoxo Report Review
Lovely chapter! Kinda sweet! I think you will be a successful writer!Author's Response: Thanks that means a lot to me as I want to be a writer when older! I try and make them romantic its my nature! Report Review
Whens the next chapter going to be up ?! I love it !Author's Response: So glad you like it!!! The next chapter should be up in a week at least! Thanks for the review they inspire me to keep writing! xoxo Report Review
Wow that is a great place to end the chapter.
Another well deserved 10/10 for you :)
-dramionedrunadrinnyAuthor's Response: Thanks! I like leaving them on cliffies as it helps me when I come to write the next chapter which I am doing by the way! Thanks for the lovely review!!!
-LWG xoxo Report Review
Soon please!!!Author's Response: So glad you like it! Just submitted the next chapter so it should be validated in 4 days or something! Love you all Report Review
Oooh, I like it very much!Author's Response: Danke :-)
So pleased, its made my day!! Off to go write more of the next chapter as its a Friday and I have all evening! Report Review
This is really really really really really really really good! Please update soonAuthor's Response: Yippeee :D Thanks so much, I love all these wonderful reviews! Just to quell any fears I won't just leave this story unfinished like I know so many people do. Chapter 2 is nearly nearly completed :D Report Review
Wow, I already really like how this story is going. Cant wait for the next chapter! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks I really appreciate it! I'm half way through the next chapter at the moment :) Keep checking for an update!! Report Review
amazing i kind of didnt see it coming the hermione and draco kind of thing i couldnt of pictured it it was absolutly amazingAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I did try to make it as unobvious as possibe, of course the way it says Draco/Hermione as the main pairing gives it away a bit! Glad you like it! :) Report Review
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