Hey there! It's Singularity from the Lessons Learned Challenge. Thanks so much for entering!
First of all, your characterizations and dialogue are fantastic. Especially at the beginning, I thought Moody was absolute perfection. Every one of his comments just seemed so spot on with what he would say. Your McGonagall was quite good as well. I like that you really captured the duplicity of her fierce and gentle sides. Really well done.
I also really liked the way that you incorporated the 'lesson'. And how you slipped a bonus lesson in there :P I loved McGonagall's comment about how she had to believe that people could change. Honestly, I think she's completely right there. We have to hold on to the hope that people can change and they can change for the better.
The end, when McGonagall was thinking about her children and her home, was really beautiful. I think that's such an accurate portrayal of how she always felt about Hogwarts. She comes across as this stern, fierce teacher, but she's really a softie at heart. She loves her students and would do whatever it takes to protect them.
Thanks again for entering this challenge. I'm really glad that it gave you the push you needed to finish this story, because it really is a great addition to the archive. I really enjoyed reading it :)
~SingularityAuthor's Response: Thank you so very much for posting your challenge, because this story makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And thank you for your most wonderful review! Report Review
Thankyou for giving further depth to these amazing charactersAuthor's Response: Thank you for your wonderful review! Report Review
Hey!I am shaheen from the forums with the review as requested . Hope it didn't take long.
It was indeed the best one shot I have read in a longtime .
We don't come to know what the real Minerva would be like from the look as she is all strict and forward . So this story provides us with the anguish she feels after losing a dear friend .
You also gave Moody a whole new character of being caring and his relation with Minerva which is certainly appreciated .
I am glad you posted in my review thread for a review as I got a chance to read a brilliant story.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Wow. What a review! Report Review
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums here with your review. Sorry if I'm a few days late...work has been such a nightmare full of things to do. Anway!
Characters: Minerva seems very spot on. Her grief for Albus was never really explored in the books so I believe you did a fantastic job at capturing it. Alastor also seems very in character so again, great job.
I really can't say much considering that its short however, I absolutely love the short and sweetness is has. Minerva's struggle to keep going is very real after battling 3 wars. However, was she around for Grindelwald? Anyway, her struggle to want to keep going is very real considering we see it nowadays with the wars going on.
Anyway, great one-shot!Author's Response: Thank you very much! And when I wrote this, JKR had not released Minerva's birthdate and the date that I found was 1925, which would have had her graduating about a year before Grindelwald's defeat.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hello there! My alter ego (forum name) is phoenixflames19, and I have your requested review!
This was very sweet. I really enjoyed reading it, and my favorite part was the ending. I love that line. It really sums up the whole piece.
Your flow is good. It progresses in a very natural order, and nothing really feels out of place. I noticed once that you missed a word, but that was it for flow.
The only problem sentence I found was this one: "Walking may have been a bad word for it, for she had longer legs and a longer stride, not to mention his limp, causing them to do an awkward shuffle once they were down the steps since he refused to let go of her arm."
The first part is fine, but your wording starts to get awkward around "not to mention his limp". I think you would do well to re-work the last part of this sentence, since it really stands out among the quality of the rest of your writing.
Characterization: I think Minerva is perfect. You did an excellent job capturing her softer side and showing us why she puts on a brave face all the time. However, Moody is a little OOC. I'm not sure he would do things like plant a small kiss on anybody. But the rest of the time, his gruffness is good. He just seems a little more "touchy" than I pictured him (I mean touchy as in the Moody I remember disliked physical contact, and he seems fairly free with it).
Um I think that's it. It was fairly short, so there wasn't much for me to say. But I did enjoy it. I've never read anything Minerva-centric before, and this was a good one.
Excellent job! Hope you do well in your challenge!
wit_beyond_measure/phoenixflames of RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I will fix that sentence and try to see what I can do with Moody. I agree with your point and thank you for letting me know. Thanks for the review! Report Review
! Another great story:)Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! Report Review
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