Oh my goodness, Sarah!
What a perfectly sweet and lovely story. The relationship between Hesper and Florean is so romantic...
See what I did there?? ;)
Now seriously, this is a delightfully creepy, beautifully written look into an absolutely repugnant character. The way he gazes through those yellow blinds, the way he associated his ice cream with himself... his odd sense of self entitlement... it's all so wretched, but so, so well done.
Him following her, and the vision he has, of another girls face... left me with the creepy crawly chills. and the second to last paragraph... omg. crey. So now it's storming and I'm home alone with this one shot, so I'm going to call this review quits. I hope you got a laugh out of the opening of this review, and know that I really do admire you ability to write so many different things. This was a fantastic one shot.
Well done!Author's Response: SNORT SNORT SNORT.
♥ omg I love you, woman. Also pretty sure I almost had an aneurysm but that was resolved quickly. XD
Dude, Florean in this fic makes me so squicky, I just. Ew. When Marina posted this challenge about dark/horror, I think a lot of people's minds went to Voldemort, to Death Eaters, to Dark creatures and the like. But what frightens me the most are the /real/ beasts, the nightmares like Florean who are hiding behind a smile and a bowl of ice cream, always watching. -shudder-
LOL STORMING AND ALONE. PERFECT CHOICE FOR READING, MEL. ♥
Eternal loff~ Report Review
Another amazing one-shot.
The best thing about your talent is that you can write about any sort of subject and do a superb job. There hasn't been anything I read of yours that I haven't been awed by. Absolutely amazing! :)Author's Response: Gahh, thank you! I don't even know what to say, I just want to give you a hug for making my day so amazing with all of these awesome, unexpected reviews.
THANK YOU!!! Report Review
Oh. My. God.
This is brilliant. GOD BUT I'M SO CREEPED OUT.
I have nothing to say, seriously. Other than Wow. Wow. This is amazing, honestly.Author's Response: Thank you! It's definitely not the most pleasant story ever. Lots of creepiness. Thanks for reading, though!
:) Report Review
Hello again! It is me, notreallyblonde44 here to do those reviews I promised you ages ago for wining my challenge. I picked this story on a whim...and my, my, do I want to vomit. At first I thought Hester was a child, so thank GOODNESS I was wrong about that dumb assumption. Then I would have seriously vomited. Like TenthWeasley wrote in her review, I am super creeped out by Florian now. "WHY DOES HE GIVE HARRY FREE ICE CREAM" -I will equally never be the same because of this fact.
Despite wanting to wipe my memory clean of this horror of a man, this is a brilliant one-shot nevertheless! The writing was fluid and strangely whimsical (not pleasant, but unearthly eerie I suppose). The way that you manipulate time and space within Florian's mind is brilliant. His unreliability as a narrator was well done also, especially since he's such a disturbing creeper/lurker with that camera of his. Poor, Hester, the dead woman didn't even see it coming.
My favorite aspect of this one-shot was the way in which color was repeated and used. The shades of red, pinks, and white/creams were vibrant and helped create the connectivity between the storyline and characters. It was beautiful imagery and I liked the ways the colors turned to express the changes in the narrative and Florian's fanciful idea of life.
I must admit that I've written something much like this in the past and your work reminds me a lot of my own in the sense that the male OC is completely barmy, but in such a short amount of time, you've made it so believable that what he thinks is reality quickly becomes reality when Hester is forced to be apart of his insanity. What a well-executed and well-written one-shot! I don't really have anything, that I can remember, to critique about it :P
(Slytherin)Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the incredibly thorough review. Haaa Hesper certainly is not a child, or else this story would violate tos and I would get into some pretty major trouble. Eww.
Creepers and lurkers, to me, frighten me more than psychos with gun sprees. Something about not knowing that a person is stalking you, watching you through your window, is more frightening than blood and gore. The Lovely Bones was a huge inspiration for this story, because it didn't show any kind of bloodshed, and yet, it was an absolute nightmare.
Plus - FREE ICE CREAM. HE GAVE HARRY FREE ICE CREAM every half hour. It's like...that's a lot of ice cream. For free. Eww, Florean, what's your angle. -_-
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
Hello there, my love! :) Drue here! So I'm dropping by because I was looking for something to kill time, and I came across the review tag at TGS! And I figured why not! And it's your turn! :D So I stopped by your page, and as soon as I saw this story, I knew it was the one I wanted to read. :)
First off! Fortescue! And Hesper! Nice names. They're very JKR-ish. I find that in most fics, authors tend to not give their OC a very Harry Potter-ish name and that just takes away from the reality of it. So you did a great job with the OC names!
And this was just straight up beautiful! Absolutely wonderful. You really have a talent for descriptions. You write them brilliantly. The way you talk about the scene around them, the feeling of what's going on, is all wonderful. And you get so much emotion across in it!
This was so romantic and bittersweet. And really quite mind boggling. It had a wonderful sense of mystery, kindness, and bitter romance. A strange mix, but wonderful nonetheless!
Absolutely great! :)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, Drue! Although I must express my surprise at your interpretation of this story. It's almost like you reviewed something completely different, as this story did not have kindness or romance in it at all. So I'm slightly confused by the review.
Fortescue is not an OC. Several paragraphs into the story, I said he was "Florean Fortescue". Remember him? He owns an ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley and is part of Potterverse. Hesper is an OC as well, but I cannot take credit for that name because I re-used it after finding it on the Black family tree.
This story was about a mentally unstable man who stalked an innocent woman and eventually killed her. You wrote a very praising review, but I must confess that the particular compliments you paid it do not apply to my story. There is nothing beautiful, kind, bittersweet, or romantic in "My Darling". It's a thoroughly unsettling, disgusting story. Are you sure you read it?
-Sarah Report Review
Okay, so that was kind of the creepiest thing EVER. And I loved every leering, simpering, psychotic moment of it. I truly did, because this is much, much scarier than any amount of gore or violence you could have written. This is scary in a whole new level, and is, in my opinion, the epitome of horror and dark as nothing else I have yet read on this site.
I don't think Fortescue will ever be the same for me in the books. WHY DOES HE GIVE HARRY FREE ICE CREAM. Scary as heck.
I can't put my finger on why this was so compelling to read -- it wasn't just your imagery, or just your plot, or just the spine-chilling effect the whole thing had. Your stories always have an element completely apart from themselves and, whatever it is, it draws me like a magnet to a pole. You just have a WAY with words. I've said it before, but you paint with them. And everything combined made me shiver and wince and grimace and I could not have stopped should you have tried to make me.
I tend to ramble in reviews to you. And repeat. A LOT of repeating. But I really and truly cannot help it, because I am an odd duck. As it were.
This may be one of my very favorite one-shots of yours, and I wish you would stop writing them. (Not really, though.) Each one just builds successively on whichever one you wrote before, raising the bar higher. And I always think you'll never meet the standards, but you always meet them, and then some. This was fantastic, absolutely fantastic, and if you don't win the challenge my eyebrows will disappear into my hairline.
Bloody amazing.Author's Response: EWWW FREE ICE CREAM.
By the way, Jane...I have this rocky road ice cream here if you want to share it. Don't mind the camera. Just pretend it's not there, okay? By the way, I really like the new faucet you installed in your bathroom.
Your reviews don't seem rambling to me, but then again I might be enjoying them a bit too much. Ahem.
-pets my inflated ego-
YOU ALWAYS LIKE THE LEAST-POPULAR STORIES OF MINE THE BEST. If other people shy away from it, you're all grabby hands. I love that you have an appreciation for things that aren't aesthetically pleasing. I kind of want to give you a hug. Just imagine the bear emoticon here, with its little wriggly ears. So cute.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING AMAZING ALL THE TIME, LIKE NONSTOP. IT MUST BE VERY TIRING. ♥ P.S. I WANT TO KNOW IMMEDIATELY WHEN SNETH IS VALIDATED. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection