Reading Reviews for Bloody Something
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by keyty Riots and Black Eyes

5th March 2014:
Hello, here with your requested review!

I'm going to be honest, I had some trouble reading this. You had quite a bit of grammar/spelling errors which made it hard to follow. A lot of your sentences were long without any pauses, which was difficult to read, and you also jumped back and forth between past and present tense. I would suggest getting a beta to look over everything if you have trouble catching these errors.

To answer your questions about characterization and plot, I have a few suggestions. The first is that instead of just having Chloe tells us what's happening, show us. Your first chapter was mostly dedicated to Chloe's thoughts about what was going on. There were a lot of comments about what/how people were saying things, but not very much dialogue. Tell us what they say! How do they say it? Do they say it slowly, like they have tar on their tongue? Do they say it quickly, like their excited and in a rush to get everything out? Do they say it in a condescending tone? What is their facial expression? Their body language? How do others react? While it's good to know the main character's thoughts, here I find it pulls focus from everything else that goes on. I would also suggest more descriptions about their surroundings. Sure, these places have been described in the books, but how does Chloe see them? What does she smell, hear, see? Make us feel like we're there with her instead of feeling like she's telling us the story after the fact.

Personally, I think Chloe's reaction in the second chapter was a bit dramatic. While it's understandable to be worked up about what James did, her reaction seemed very over the top. And then the fact that she took the blame for what James did was very strange. Also, in my opinion, Chloe and her friends are kind of rude to each other. I understand that friends have funny snappy comments, but again, I think these are a bit over the top.

All of this being said, I do think the plot is interesting. While your writing needs a bit of practice, it does leave me wondering what will happen next. I think that if you follow my advice, you can improve this story greatly.

Author's Response: Hello there! Thanks for reviewing and I'm sorry for taking my time responding.

Honestly, I was saddened that there were so many mistakes that made it hard for you to read. I've never realized it was so bad. I really appreciate you reading all three chapters and reviewing for the whole story, especially because of the added difficulty of my horrible grammar.In my defense, English isn't my native language and I followed your advice and got a beta. Hopefully, I would be able to fix most mistakes.

About the first chapter, I wanted it to be kind of a prologue, hence the lack of dialogue, so that the reader could get an idea of who my protagonist is as a person. For the next chapters, I thought there was enough descriptions about the way the characters acted and their physical reactions, but maybe I could add some things, make it more realistic.And, yes, you're right I don't describe enough the environment that everything takes place, because I already have an image in my mind from the books, but it's my responsibility to re-create the image for the reader. I'll try to fix that, thank you for pointing it out!

I understand how Chloe can be a little over-dramatic but I think it was because she isn't normally used to anything like that and she wasn't equipped to deal with it.Maybe, after sometime, I could agree with you but for now I can let that slip. I think she didn't took the blame for what James did, but for the way she reacted, that over the top reaction you mentioned. I think that they are a bunch of rude people, yes.The fact that they're friends doesn't necessarily mean they function well or that they're not mean people.

I'm glad that you thought the plot was interesting, I will try to work on all the things that you mentioned and do the best I can to improve my story! Thanks again for reviewing and sorry for the trouble!

-Vicky


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Review #2, by luciusobsessed Well, this is awkward

5th March 2014:
This is an intriguing story!

I thought the game she plays is interesting and I love how you made her boyfriend a Hufflepuff when they're all Ravenclaws. I want to know what happens with James! I can't believe he did that, and I'm guessing it will lead to a confrontation with Hayden.

Great job!!

luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so glad that you thought it was interesting and that you liked all these small things, like the word game and the different houses.Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! all the best, vicky xo

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Review #3, by 800 words of heaven Well, this is awkward

28th February 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

I have a bit of a soft spot for James II/OC stories, so I couldn't resist taking a peak at yours!

This is a really good start! Chloe is crazy but still relateable. She reminds me a lot of myself, so that's always an interesting bonus, when you can see yourself in a character. I'm curious to see in what direction you take her - I can see her developing in many ways!

James has like zero respect for personal space! Why would he do something like that? And then why would you leave it as a cliffhanger? I'm wondering about their history together, so that's something exciting to look forward to in the next few chapters.

Awesome start! Hopefully I shall be back soon to read some more :)

Author's Response: Oh, thanks for the review, next generation is always fun!I'm glad you found Chloe relatable, but everyone is a little crazy in their own head and I wanted to make her an intersting and likeable character.I agree, she has a lot of space to develop further in the story.
James is plain crazy, haha! I'm glad that you're intrigued about their relationship and in general! hope you keep reading!
thanks for reading and reviewing! kisses, vicky :)


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Review #4, by Girl with one eye Riots and Black Eyes

16th February 2014:
I'm so glad you finally updated!!! I love this story and the characters so much, your writing has REALLY evolved over the years. I can't wait for more! (also more potter pls)
love u :*

Author's Response: YAY! so glad you liked it and as an excuse for not updating I'll say it's because I want my writing to improve over time :P love you, too, of course! :*

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Review #5, by newgenerationlover You don't have to worry

5th February 2014:
Really like this story, can't wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: thank you, so much, I hope you keep reading

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Review #6, by Leannadrobisforever You don't have to worry

5th February 2014:
This is very funny. I'm going to be looking forward to the next chapter. Update!

Author's Response: thank you for reading and reviewing ,please keep reading!

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Review #7, by Eliza Well, this is awkward

27th August 2012:
omg I like this story a lot so far please continue.

Author's Response: thank you so much!keep reading!

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Review #8, by Janie_Ophelia Well, this is awkward

19th November 2011:
Way to make it awkward with a cliff hanger! haha :D this story is really good so far! I cant wait to see the history behind Chloe and James! But I have one suggestion...it's quite serious. WRITE MORE!!! (: hahaha well this was awesome bottom line! (:

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Review #9, by Mary Ann Well, this is awkward

9th October 2011:
ahh that was an awesome ending for the chapter!! please update i HAVE to know why james did that!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for taking time to read and review,I appreciate it.I'm sooo sorry for not updating, but life is crazy! I'll try harder, promise!
Thanks again,Vicky :)


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Review #10, by WhimsyBlack Well, this is awkward

13th September 2011:
Amazingness! My friend told me to read this and it's amazing. I love it. I will definitely read more in the future

Author's Response: Thank you so much!I love your friend and you for listening to him/her!I do that with my friends too for the stories I like and I'm so happy someone liked mine enough to do the same!
Thanks for your time and so sorry for not updating!
vicky :)


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Review #11, by frenchliam Well, this is awkward

12th September 2011:
Why why why did you end it here?! Such a cliffie, ugh, you horrible woman! This totally means that you need to update ASAP, ok?

Author's Response: Haha I love your comment, so alive! thank you for your good words and sooo sorry for not updating yet!I've been really busy and I can't seem to like anything that I write..so sorry about tahat BUT I'll try to update soon-ish..Thank you again! :)

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Review #12, by AlexFan Well, this is awkward

15th August 2011:
Wow, that's very awkward.

Author's Response: Yeap,that's exactly what I think,too.
Thanks for the review! =)
vicky


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Review #13, by welshgirl Well, this is awkward

18th June 2011:
This is really good, this is gonna sound strange, but please R&R mine.

Author's Response: thank you ! :)

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Review #14, by Connie Well, this is awkward

11th June 2011:
Well,the end of the chapter WAS awkward.Diavasa se ena review pou eixes kanei oti eisai apo ellada...elpizw na eisai k' na katalavaineis ta greeklish pou grafw...tespa,polu wraia istoria!!!elpizw oti o james kai h chloe na ta ftiaxoun sto telos...filakia!!!

Author's Response: It was supposed to be awkward,yes.Nai eimai apo ellada kai profanws katalabainw ti les. :) basika eixa dei ta comments soy sthn allh istoria kai eipa "wow,ellhnes". xarhka poly poy soy arese h istoria! oso gia ton james kai thn chloe mallon 8a prepei na diabaseis thn upoloiph istoria(otan thn grapsw!:P).
se euxaristw polu pou diabases kai poy ekanes review! filia!
vicky :)


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Review #15, by Woodrow Rynne Well, this is awkward

3rd June 2011:
Wow. That was an amazing start.
Hope you update soon :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review and I'm glad you liked it!I'll try updating soon.Thanks again. :)
Vicky


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Review #16, by marauderqueen Well, this is awkward

2nd June 2011:
I loved this loads and loads! I'm thinking it has lots of potential. I must admit, once I saw you had Laura Marling on your banner, I had to check it out. I was glad I did though :D
~Izzy

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it! yay! Laura Marling was my friend's who made the banner inspiration and I qiute like her too. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)
Vicky


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Review #17, by justanotherfacelessname Well, this is awkward

31st May 2011:
haha, I like it already, I've got a feeling this story is going to be right up my street :D i hope you find the time to update soon!

Author's Response: I'm happy you liked it! I'll try updating soon-ish. haha .Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #18, by SiriuslyRedPadfoot Well, this is awkward

31st May 2011:
I really loved the ending "well, this is awkward" :D update soon :)

Author's Response: I thought the ending was suited, don't you think? I'm glad you liked and I try updating as soon as I can. thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

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Review #19, by Girl with one eye Well, this is awkward

29th May 2011:
The more I read it, the more I love it.
Great first chapter dearest Sid, I loved Chloe and the ending. More JAMES!
Please write more soon,
Nancy!!

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much darling Nancy!You're always so sweet!I'm glad you loved Chloe and it's a James/OC story, so there's going to be more James, no wories!
I'll try to update soon! :)
Love,Sid!


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Review #20, by fethre Well, this is awkward

28th May 2011:
I like Chloe, she seems really interesting.
And what the hell was that with James?
This was a good introduction to your story, and I can't wait for the next chapter! 10/10
-Mariah.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it. The characters are loosely based on me and my best friend ( Chloe&Leah), so it's a great thing you found her interesting!
As for James, I don't know, I just felt like it! haha
As for the next chapter I'm still trying to figure out what's going to happen after James left.
Thanks for the review! :P


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Review #21, by _Vagi_ Well, this is awkward

18th May 2011:
Well,girl I loved it!I'm really expecting your secont chapter!Well done sweety!!!:P

Author's Response: Oh well thank you! I'm happy you liked it and I'll try to post the second chapter as soon as possible. :) thanks!

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