There’s something very majestic about this piece of writing. I can just imagine the centaur, regally strolling through the forbidden forest, and Harry’s snitch fluttering around his head like a halo.
Weirdly, the banner really helped me to picture the scene – and it totally suits the story which I love. Annd it’s so pretty :3
Of all people to eventually find the snitch/resurrection stone, it would make a lot of sense for that someone to be a centaur. It’s extremely unlikely that it would be found, but still… this is probably the way I’ll always imagine it is from now on! Your descriptive language was beautiful and poignant, and I loved the way you characterised the centaur. He seemed so… centaur-y? He seemed human and civilised most of the time, but there were sections – sentences that were just hinting – towards his more feral, wild & haughty disposition. Animalistic. I don’t quite know how to describe it but it was gorgeous :P
I like that you brought Ronan and Bane into the story, it added that extra bit of depth.
basically, this was great ! Very clever.
-Annon ♥ Report Review
I have to admit, your positively gorgeous banner lured me in! That and the intriguing idea, because I must say, it isn't every day you read about magical creatures as the main character!
I love, love, love the idea behind this. I've read a couple, though not many, stories about the Resurrection Stone being found, but never in this way, and I have to say, it's my very favorite.
There's so much that I could squee over in this, but I'll try to (somewhat) restrain myself. I'll start with the imagery, and how utterly gorgeous it is.
"desire pooling in his stomach"
"He was starting to lose hope.
It siphoned out of him like sand in an hourglass..." Oh my goodness. This is so beautiful I don't even know where to start...
I also loved the reference to Ronan and Bane! :) Though I have to say, I dislike them in general for being so snobby. Hmph. anyways, that's not really related, so moving on! ;)
It's that moment of deciding what to do, of deciding what is right, and you've done a remarkable job showing that. You've taken this vivid snapshot of this one moment and really made it come alive.
"After all, that’s really what it was - a simple, golden object. Nothing more, nothing less." That's really what it comes down to, it's true - what a wise centaur :) In the end, what is it but an object? It does not do to dwell on dreams and all that, after all... Loved this line!
The final line was also great - "All he had wanted in the first place was peace and the planets, all to himself, wasn't it?" Again, I loved how he came to this conclusion! This line also has a certain sort of beauty to it that I can't quite put my finger on... but I quite like it.
I'm afraid I've never been the best at leaving coherent reviews, but I really, truly love this one shot. ♥ You've done a wonderful job here and you're truly such a talented writer! I'm in awe and again, I'm so so glad I found your author's page :)Author's Response: Isn't the banner absolutely BEAUTIFUL? Meghna is such a wonderful graphic maker. ♥
YOU LIKE MY IMAGERY? I might just keel over from squeeing right now. HEHHEE. Usually I tend to skip the description - I see it happening in my head, so why can't anyone else see it, too? ;)
I tried to characterize Ronan and Bane the same way they're characterized in the books. They always came across as a bit pretentious and snobby. Plus, canon references never go out of style. ^_^
You flatter me way too much! I've read this review over and over again because it continuously brings a smile to my face. :) I am ecstatic that you think so highly of this little one-shot, my first baby with the art of word races (lol!). Thank you so, so much for the review! You are wonderful! And you were definitely coherent!!! :D Report Review
Wow. This was gorgeous. I love the idea behind it especially! I think it's really realistic that a centuar would find the snitch sometime, and I love the way you portrayed him. The internal thoughts were perfect.
Your imagery in this is stunning. At the risk of sounding like a teacher, you managed to paint a picture in my mind, and it really added to the feel of the story. I could picture the forest, with the centaur alone inside so vividly. Beautiful work.
For the length of this, you managed to convey a lot. Even with the extra imagery and beauty, there was a lot of substance and core in this, and it had a beautiful meaning. I really loved it.
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Wow, your review is so flattering! :') I am so glad that you think my imagery and description in this is good because that was really my main focus when writing this one-shot. Plus, I always wondered what happened to the snitch after Harry dropped it in the Forbidden Forest. Thank you very much for such a nice review! Report Review
-swoops in for the review exchange-
HI LOVELY ♥
I'm going to apologise in advance for this review. I'm really out of practice with them (again) so I can't guarantee anything super long or helpful but I shall do my very best to make it respectable!
First of all, I think this is a wonderfully original take on this idea. I've seen stories where the Resurrection Stone itself is found, or hunted, but the Snitch? It just spins the concept in such a different way, which is of course aided by the fact that this is not a student or a professor or a wizard at all.
It is so rare to find a story about a creature; it is even rarer to find one written well. I loved the simplicity of this. It flowed wonderfully, innocently even when the centaur is getting frustrated at the resilience of the Snitch. I think you only called the centaur young once but its youth lived in the words that you chose, the way that you crafted the sentences and its actions throughout.
I think the most appealing thing about your portrayal of the centaur was that innocence I mentioned before, as well as a level of ignorance. There is enough about him to make it evident that he is intelligent, as the centaurs we met in the books were, but the fact that he knows so little of the magical world (or the detail of it, anyway) really emphasises that this is not a wizard we're dealing with. I think it helped the realism of the situation (if, that is, you can refer to realism in a story about centaurs and magic...)
In terms of the writing itself, I especially liked the way the story was brought full circle with the setting: the crackling leaves and rustling trees. I think that's also an element of why the centaur comes across so differently to a human: the way he can just accept that it won't work and that he can probably go away now and not ever want to find the Snitch again. Desire and greed, on the other hand, might tempt a human to continue trying. I like the rationality of it.
I'm not sure if any of this has made much sense. I really, really enjoyed reading it - short though it was - and I hope you can at least make some kind of sense of the rubbish I've written!
xx Report Review
Hiii Jordan :)
First of all, I suck at life for taking so long. BUT I AM HERE. *triumphantly places hands on hips and stares into the sunset like a warrior*
I loved the magic in this story! It was very original, and I have never come across any fan fiction centering around centaurs before. So kudos for that. Back to the magic bit: that's something that unfortunately gets skimmed over a LOT in fan fiction. People focus on the characters, trying to normalize them. And in doing so, the magic of the Harry Potter world kind of falls by the wayside. But there was something about this story that brought that element of the paranormal and the unexpectedly magical back, and did Rowling some justice.
There was a purity about it. Your imagery was fantastic - the whole scene played out in my head. It had this calming effect on me, too, imagining the leaves on the ground and the dim shafts of light. It was serene. And your centaur, who was unnamed (oddly, I found that I liked that you didn't name him, and that he was just 'the centaur'), came across very much like the centaurs in the books. He was kind of simple, you know what I mean? Like all centaurs seem to be. They're preoccupied with the stars and they're not talkative or extremely friendly, and they're just not like humans. There is something simplistic about the way they think (or so it seems to me, at least) and act; and for the most part, they are content to just sit and watch the world around them, not taking action in it. So I thought your characterization was realistic and excellent.
There was something animalistic in his desperation to open up the snitch and see his father, and even though we know that the resurrection stone is more of a curse than anything else, and that the dead do not truly belong in our world, I was rooting for him to open it. It was just sad that this poor creature was frustrated and couldn't figure it out and that he missed his father so much that he was willing to hope for him to return from the dead. There was a lonely emptiness to that, and I thought it was beautiful.
:)Author's Response: WARRIOR SARAH, YAYYY.
Did Rowling justice? EEK. THAT IS SO AWESOME OF YOU TO SAY. All of your compliments are making me giggle like a madwoman! I hardly know what to say to them in response. To have such a wonderful writer like you compliment my work in this way is making my life beautiful and full of jumping gnomes with a dwarf orchestra playing a symphony in the background. ♥ Thank you so much for your lovely review - 10/10? EEEP. ILY SARAH.
--jordan Report Review
Hey there! This is curiosity is not a sin over from the HPFF forums!
Wow I loved this! It's such a rare point of view to read, and I love the way you incorporated Harry Potter, the snitch, the Dark Lord and the Great War all in to a one-shot of this length. Well done on it!
The story summary is great! I love the characterisations and the plot, although I wouldn't say no to reading a bit more about the centaur's father's plight against Voldemort :)
Just one thing which stood out to me really. In the first line of the first paragraph you use the word 'crackled' as the sound the leaves make, and then 'cracked' for a branch breaking in the second paragraph. Whilst the second paragraph is fine, I don't think leave would 'crackle' as much as they would 'crunch'? Not sure, but the word just seems too repetitive too soon, and I know you have a third variation of it near the end of the story :)
Apart from that though, it's a beautifully written fic! The pace is wonderful too, and well done on it :D
Keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this helpful review! To be honest, I hadn't thought much about the centaur's father's plight against Voldemort, as you put it, but I might add a bit more about that into the story now that you mention it :D As for the crackled vs. crunch vs. cracked thing, augh, I will definitely fix that. Nice catch!
I might be back in your review thread for more if I end up writing any more things like this :P Thank you so much, again, for this awesome review! I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic!
~foundriapenguin Report Review
A story about centaurs. That's something you don't see everyday.
MARS IS BRIGHT TONIGHT.
Aah, Jordan. Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. Your writing is so super totally awesome that I don't really know what to say. CAPS LOCK. You've got heaps of talent. The imagery, the sentence structure, the vocabulary, the emotions. It's all awesome.
'All he had wanted in the first place was peace and the planets, all to himself, wasn’t it?'
I especially like this.
This is super original. Well done.
Gahhh.Author's Response: OMG HATTIE HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I ADORE YOU? Well now you know. ♥
hehe yes, centaurs. :P heaps of talent? YOU FLATTER ME. :') And yess the last sentence is quite a killer. I like ending with a morally ending sentence sometimes. Depends on the piece, really. But ahhh thank you so much for your lovely review, Hattie! You're so nice and ajskfewz you just boosted my confidence to the moon. Or the other planets, ya know, they work, too. ^___^
Squishes for you!
--jordan! Report Review
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