I love the part in this where George describes to Angelina his feelings about not being able to laugh in a while and how he finally feels more comfortable as a friend with her. I think it gives George more depth as a character.Author's Response: Thank you! I thought that if George just lost a brother he definitely would have trouble laughing, but if Angelina was very close to Fred too maybe they'd be able to laugh a little easier. Thanks for the review! It's so funny that I got 2 reviews on the same chapter within minutes lol. Report Review
HI. I really liked this story. How they slowly became close. Out of love for Fred. And because of that, they were there for each other.
The babysitting scene was so cute. And George was so.. George. lol
Great story. Keep up good work.Author's Response: Thanks! lol it was so funny when you reviewed this, 'cause I have a friend who was going to be reading and reviewing the same chapter literally minutes ago, so, I thought you were him :P
Thank you so much! I really wanted to bring out George's character the best I could :D I love the babysitting scene, it was fun to write. Report Review
Aww Fred! And George! And Angelina!
Stop making me cry!
I love reading stories about how George handles Fred's death. I really liked how you showed his pain and how his and Angelina's relationship is blossoming.
You also made me choke up with that flashback.
Great chapter fellow Gryffie!
classicblackAuthor's Response: really?? I made you choke up?? this is one of those moments where, I'm sorry to make you cry, but I'm so happy my writing did it's job.
I love reading those stories too, and there seems to not be much of them.
Thanks for reviewing gryffie girl! Report Review
Great story. Especially the baby sitting escpade! George and Angelina's relationship must be somewhat complex, though I don't think her relationship with Fred was all that serious, but they were both close to Fred so his death would have been hard on them. I really enjoyed how you wrote this. Great job!Author's Response: Wow! thanks so much :) It's been a while getting a review on this, so I'm glad people are still enjoying it. It just reached 1007 reads :) I loved the idea of George babysitting lol Thanks for the review, you're so sweet! Report Review
This is my favorite one I've read so far. The detail and imagination are dripping with character. Your talent with this is stunning!Author's Response: aww thank you so much! :D so far?? I hope to be recieving more lovely reviews! lol Thanks for the great review! Report Review
Hi dearie! Here with your requested review!
So, fun fact. I've never read a George/Angelina. When I saw your request I tried to figure out something I had read to keep it as a point of reference, but I've never read one. Here goes my first!
The first thing I think is you should give this a little bit more of a story summary. You have the list of challenges, but I think even anything besides what ship it is would help bring the readers attention in more. Even what you wrote me on the forums, about how this is Angelina helping George get out of his shell of losing Fred; just anything :)
The killers quote: I don't know if this is the way you were going with this, but I totally took it as Fred saying it sarcastically, and that was what was making Angelina so angry. It was a cute flashback, seeing the famous exit of the Weasley twins through someone else's perspective. The only thing I could think is the capitol letters were kind of distracting. Instead of typing in all caps maybe say "I shouted" at the end? Even if you don't, it's clear that she is upset and they just felt distracting.
Lovely, lovely transition into George's perspective. Repetition can be such a great technique when used well and you hit it on the hammer by him thinking the same thing as Angelina was. Fantastic.
You had asked if there was anything I could see that I think you could improve on, and one thing is that, it feels like George is moving on really quickly. He's at Fred's funeral now, and he's already thinking about the shop, and about the future; I would expect him to be numb and/or sobbing, not thinking about when the shop should be opened. He lost his other half, I think he has every right to have those selfish thoughts about why his brother left him. It is lovely to see him moving on, but I think it was a little quick paced.
However, I really did love the small bit of interactions between George and Angelina. It was nothing romantic at the moment, but it was nice to see them at least speaking and even relating with the huge emptiness in-between them. It was very sweet.
One of the other things you asked about is plot holes. This was only the first chapter but I didn't notice anything off the bat, so good work there. This links with What Means Most, and With Sirius Black, right? I'll be looking for the mentions :) Feel free to re-request for the next chapters!Author's Response: Thanks hun, yeah, this was one of my early fics so I didn't really have a clue how to write this one, but I like the suggestion about the shouting thing, and yes, Fred was being rather sarcastic, not that he didn't mean it, but he was taking it lightly.
I'm very happy that the transition between them went well, I've always tried hard to make it seamless.
Yeah, maybe he's taking it too quickly, but I always thought he'd bury himself in work, and hide his feelings, so I'm not sure about changing that part, but I appreciate the feedback.
Oh, and the fireworks at the funeral was a link with What Means Most
I'm glad you liked a peek into Ang/George writing, and it was new for you :)
I'll prolly fix the story summary soon :P
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
This is the best Angelina/ George fanfic I've ever read! Please write more soon!Author's Response: Awww thanks so much! My novel will be having more George/Angelina but I haven't come up with anymore plots for them specifically. I'm soo glad you liked this though, I was surprised by the new review 'cause I haven't worked on it in forever, I just edited a little to tie in more with my Novel.
Thanks for reviewing! Glad you enjoyed it so much :D Report Review
Wait... Which park's paths were they walking? A little boy changing his hair's color by the minute would be quite noticeable - just saying... :))
Well, this was very sweet. I'm glad George starts thinking of future. By some means, Angelina's there too. The many links to Fred's song quotes and the fireworks were really clever placed, I think.
Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your reviews :) I'm still a new writer so your feedback was appreciated. I wasn't sure which park they'd be in, since Ted Tonks was muggleborn maybe they were closer to a muggle town, but since Tonks was magical maybe it's a magical town, I didn't really think about it.
I'm so happy you thought the quotes were cleverly placed, that was tricky for the 3 challenges it was entered in. Only heard back from 2, but it was fun :)
Thanks :) Report Review
It might have been fun to write, but it was also fun o read. I liked it that you added some funny scenes. Now this is the George we all knew and loved and it is good that, though he's not and will be never over Fred's death, he's still quite the same - all covered in work, all trying to stay away from anything but work, but the deep him still awake somehow.
Well now, Angelina entered in his life like a friend. This is good. I really want to see how will this work. :D Report Review
Hey, here's Santa-mona again. We were given the chance to complete our Santa-like duties so here I am again.
I rarely read Angelina/George and now I wonder why. I should really try something new from time to time, other than the usual favorite stuff. *cough* I like Simple Plan, too *cough*
That was a good take upon them. The relationships George/Angelina/Fred were always so confusing for me, really. I'm glad I took the chance to read this. I'm usually not really into "brought together by tears" stuff, but I like this.
Somehow confusing were the tenses: present-past-present-past. Sure, I understood it all; it's just a bit annoying when you read them. :))
However, an overall good job done! Report Review
Here with my third review!
This story is really all over the place, but in a good way. It makes sense but it is very in your face. It's different to the usual stuff I read. The description had a nice flow to it but again with all the POV's going on it seems a bit wacky.
Secret Santa :) Report Review
Hi, your secret santa here and I'm back with another review! Firstly, I love the idea of this and I can say that I'm looking forward to see where you go with this. It was a little hard to follow as there were a lot of time periods being thrown in at once. Maybe you could have just started a new paragraph and in one of the opening sentences explained the time period, but made sure it still made the chapter flow.
However the dialogue is overall realistic and people were generally in character. Just a few tips, snogger.haha is that a word. I don't know if you're british or not but I am and I've never said it in my life. It did add a lot to the humour though, which I did like.
Secret Santa :) Report Review
Just wanted to give you your first christmas present! It's a review in the shape of George's wand!
I really like the idea of this story with Angelina relating the image of fireworks from a sad event to a really happy one. I think you've incorporated the song 'Mr Brightside' so well into the story with it being such an upbeat song into the story! The way Fred told Angelina that he was leaving really was quite cute because it gave her something which helped her get through the funeral because of the fireworks.
I also love how Angelina couldn't stay mad with Fred even though he had just left them it was lovely. The way you made Angelina start talking to George at the funeral was interesting because she still seems to be in love with Fred so they're helping each other through it which is really nice.
George's reaction seems to be quite believable as I can't see him slipping into depression and I hoped he just wanted to carry on with his shop as that's just how the Weasley spirit was!
Well done on this!Author's Response: Thanks so much! It means a lot that you liked all those things, they were really important for me and what I wanted to describe in the story :D
ooo pretty wand :)
Waves. POW! another review appears ...(eventually lol)
Thanks so much! Report Review
Oh my Rowling I am so, so, SO sorry these entries took me so long to get to, but you know RL gets in the way and you still love me right? Right :P
This was a really good story. I especially enjoyed your use of description.
You worked the quote in well. I appreciate that you entered my challenge and that you were patient with me!
You recieve 5th place in my challenge. :) Good job.Author's Response: Oh that's ok, things happen. Plus you're not the only contest I entered that's had that happen, I think there's like 2 more that haven't gotten back to me, but that's ok too. Don't feel too bad :)
I'm so glad you liked it! I'm also just glad to have another review for the story lol 5th isn't too bad, thanks :) Report Review
I love the foreshadowing. That was excellent because I picked it up while I was reading. I love how Teddy mimicked their appearances and how the love potions kept popping up. Excellent. Really excellent.Author's Response: Yay!! I'm soo glad you liked it! I loved that part with Teddy :) it was so cute. I totally wasn't expecting a review on this, I nearly screamed lol. That would have been weird to explain to my mom :P
This story is like a side story to my Novel What Means Most if you're interested. If not, thanks sooo much for the review! Report Review
I think you have a great premis to this. A couple things I want to point out though:
1. I think this is more of personal preference, but I think it's kinda unprofessional when you have "flashback". I would just put "two years earlier" and leave it like that. And then instead of "end of flashback", put "present time". Or just put the flashback in italics. Either is fine :)
2. Do you have a beta? Some of your sentences are awkwardly worded, and a beta would fix that. Of course, this is now going to be really awkward if you do have a beta :P I would go back and look at some of them, because they seem to be a bit repetitive and strangely put at times.
Other than that, this is a great first chapter! Like I said, you have a really interesing premis for this, and it's exciting to see where you plan to go with it. Great job!
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Thanks for the feedback :) No, I don't have a beta, I'll admit I was kinda rushing through this so I'll go back myself to edit when I have the time. This story is almost like a side story to the Novel I have so that's another reason for the different points of the story, but I think it's a great idea to just do two years earlier, I hadn't thought of that. I may have originally thought it might be awkward to have different years in a chapter, but I guess flashbacks can be equally so :)
Thank you so much for reviewing, it really helps :) Report Review
Hey Owl, You reviewed my story and i said i'd review one of yours.
I like this story, I've never read a George/Angelina story before this one. I thought it was pretty good. I might have to find more of the pairing, you got me intrigued lol.
I like the different POV's but the only beef i had, which really isn't all that big of one, is that you could have made the POV's more subtle instead of announcing in big bold that it was a different one. Like i said though i really liked it and i'll more than likely read more George/Angelina stories now.
Sorry it took me so long to review yours, I'll read the other story you suggested as well.Author's Response: cool, thanks!
lol, yeah, subtle isn't my strong point, but also the reason I do it the way I do is because it changes so often in my stories that I don't want people getting confused. Probably really more to help me to keep on track, and when I read stories and the POV changes I personally get rather confused lol. I'm glad I got you interested though. You'll find more George/Angelina in my last chapter of What Means most too lol it's the one I'm most anxious for a review on too lol. But if you don't like the plot or something, I'm not gonna hold you to review it.
Thanks for this one though, I'm so happy I got you interested in a new kinda story :) Report Review
Well done I'll be reading more by youAuthor's Response: yay! at first, I was like, oh, tiny review, but I'm sooo happy you want to read more by me :D
I never want to underestimate tiny reviews again lol Report Review
That's really cute and sweet. I like the voices for each of them, George still sounds mischievous when he's depressed. It's just much more muted. I like how Angelina and Fred had actually talked about what would happen if he didn't make it--it seems real and like something he would possibly do.
The way that you incorporated the quotes from the songs and books worked nicely as well.
Thank you so much for asking me to read this! I'm flattered beyond belief that you care about my opinion so much. Keep writing!
hqwwAuthor's Response: thanks sooo much for reviewing :) after I read your beautiful story, I was like, this author's the one to go to for a review :)
I got really lucky on the quotes :) I loved the challenges so much, and they all seemed to fit together, I couldn't help combining them :) I'm also really happy you liked their characters :) I tried to keep it as true as possible and still put my own ideas in it, I'd like to say I succeeded :)
I'll definitely keep writing, I'll be going for that as a bachelors degree :)
thanks so much!
p.s I love your penname :) Report Review
This is such a fun story and I think you worked the quote in, in an unique way. We'll see who wins after everyone's stories are in, but I like this one a lot :)Author's Response: yay!! I'm glad you like it a lot :) I thought this quote was perfect for the story. Thanks for having landed on it randomly :) I was really struggling with it, and I think it helped in the long run. Can't wait to find out who wins! Report Review
Hello once more!
Well this chapter started weird. The first half (and maybe a bit longer) is very spaced out compared to the rest of the story and it really hits you when you read all chapters in a row. That's an easy fix; the problem isn't the dialogue in itself, it's the formating of it.
Other than that, this was a really beautiful ending to cush a romantic story. You closed up the ties of the story together nicely and created some good and believable characters that grew through the chapters.
If I were to recommand you anything it would be to really go back on your entire story and work on the structure and the ponctuation. Like I said before, the idea is good and original and the characters are also very engaging and grow on you but the lack of rythme might throw off some people and they would miss out on your great story.
AkussaAuthor's Response: I really can't stop smiling, and I'm almost tearing up :) I have to say ending it was probably the hardest part! it took me ages to come up with something, then, I just had to be like, enough is enough, I'm writing this, and nothing's getting in my way. I ended up absolutely loving it :) I'm so happy you thought it was a beautiful ending! that's what made me smile biggest :D
thank you so much for your advise, that was definitely the best thing you could do for me. Winning wouldn't suck, but I feel like I did anyway :) thanks! Report Review
Like I said, I won't go back on the overall subjects and will talk about this individual chapter.
I liked Angelina's character in this chapter, more than in the last one. In the first one, she felt a bit more superficial and almost emotionless. In this one, more often than not, you dared to write her with more emotion and it was great. I already loved her spark back in chapter one and you explored that in this chapter too while never going over the top or making her sound cliché; it was well balanced.
All in all, and flow problems taken aside, I liked this chapter; you say you had fun writing it and we can feel it when we read. I had a smile on my face too when the chapter ended.
AkussaAuthor's Response: awesome!! I never really took into consideration that if I was really excited about a chapter that it would come through in my writing, but it makes so much sense now :) I'm still pretty new to it, so I'm sooo happy for the feedback :) I really hadn't thought that Angelina in the first chapter sounded superficial, I may want to re read it to see it from the readers point of view. I was just trying to portray how confused she was, and shocked that things were happening so quickly. I'll have to go over it closely. Thank you so much! I'm glad this chapter was more balanced :) Report Review
First of all, thanks for entering my challenge and congrats on getting all three chapters up by the deadline!
So what I will do is make this review my general one (I've just read the three chapters and will review them separatly too); taking about the flow of this story; I hope this is alright for you :)
In regards to my challenge (the Missing Moments), I think you did a fantastic job. It was a very good idea to have this moment seen from one of their friends' point of view. I also really like the relationship between George and Angelina; it felt real and not forced on.
The story in itself though, isn't always easy to follow. The many scene changes; going to flashback; written in italics... it's just too much. It is very hard to keep track of the story at the moment because you break the rythm constantly and that takes the reader out of the story everytime.
One thing that I think definitly improved through the story is the characterization. In the fist chapter, you only scratched the surface and it gave a kind of "flat" personality but you went further in their personalities and emotions later on and I greatly enjoyed that.
All through the three chapters, I noticed you have a good spelling. Some little errors here and there but nothing muchor too hard to fix. One thing that is a bit more problematic is your ponctuation. That needs fixing because it is another thing that breaks the flow of the story. Here is an example taken from chapter one :
"... Might calm you down a little” there we go Alicia."; When you finish a piece of dialogue, before closing the quotation marks, you need to put your ponctuation in there, may it be a coma or a period or even an exclamation point. That will give an easier pace to your story.
So overall, it was a good story; a very interesting and enjoyable plotline as well as some defined and engaging characters. The flow, however needs work. Right now, it is too easy for the readers to get pulled out of your story and miss out on the great plotline; you need to get them hooked :)
AkussaAuthor's Response: thank you sooo much for your great review! I was definitely looking forward to it! I'm extremely happy you liked all my ideas, and loved that you gave me some criticism on the flow. It's been mentioned before, but I'm really unsure how to go about fixing it. I might try to find a beta reader for that... I've been avoiding that idea because I want myself to improve by myself. Not very realistic actually. Everyone needs help :) I'm so glad you enjoyed the missing moment from someone else's perspective! I thought that there were so many different people who witnessed it, there has to be another way to go about it :)
Thank you so much for the review! can't wait to see your next one :) Report Review
This was really good! I normally don't read George/Angelina stories but you might have just converted me:)! Sorry it took me so long to review this, my life has been quite hectic, I'm so sorry!
the8thweasleyAuthor's Response: hahaha that's great :) Don't worry, I wasn't like tapping my foot at you or anything :) I'm so glad you liked it, that means more than converting you to g/a fics lol I hope life slows down a little for you :)
thanks so much for reviewing! yay! Report Review
hehehehee!! I LOVE this storyy xx
And just George/Angelina in genral but yeah i've already mentioned that! It's honestly amazing and i hope you win the compertion ;D
ammaazziinngg!! !! !! !!
xx :D xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much :) I'm so glad you love the story! I do too, but I'm kinda biased. I can't wait to find out who won the competition. I'm trying to be patient.
Thanks so much! :D
there might be more George/Angelina in my story "What means most"
;) Report Review
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