Neville is one of the best characters in the story, and I am glad you have done such justice to him. To me, the world of Harry Potter is as good as real, making Frank and Alice as good as real war heroes. Neville is so sweet, earlier overshadowed and growing up to be so strong, courageous and confident. It makes me happy. Thank you for this story, it's beautiful. And oh, we always see Nevillle's gran as somewhat harsh, at least, I do, but this does remind me that she has lost a son, and in such a painful way, it must really kill her. Thank you.Author's Response: I'm so glad you like this story! It's always neat for me to see people go back and read some of my earlier work, because it gives me the chance to revisit it too, in a way. I think Neville really came into his own in the series, and I'm glad you seemed to see that reflected here.
I think Neville's gran is one of my favorite bits of this story -- like you, I DO sometimes forget her more human qualities, as it were. :P But anyway. Thank you for leaving me such a nice review! It's very much appreciated! :) Report Review
i ended up with tears in my eyes. Every time i try to review your stores i have only word stuck in my head. It's beautiful.
I get lost in your stories. Reading your stories is like a magical experience in itself. :)Author's Response: Ohh, Neville. ♥ This is a rather old piece of mine now -- old being relative, of course, as my HPFF biography is a bit complicated, but I digress.
That last sentence just completely made my day. ♥ To hear something like that is... There is just nothing comparable to the feeling. I cannot ever thank you enough. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you so, so much for leaving such lovely and heartwarming reviews! I appreciate it so much! Report Review
TenthWeasley: This was a very touching and compassionate story about Neville, Gran and his parents. You touched on all the right nerves, gave each character depth even if they didn't have dialogue. Neville's interaction with Gran was superb and the closeness he developed with his Mum and Dad made me think of my own parents. When was the last time I thanked them or said I was proud of them? I am a good son so I have done that in the past but you reminded me of this. When a writer elicits that kind of emotion and provkes that kind of sentiment, well, you went far beyond expectations.
What I appreciated most was that you didn't sensationalize anything to give way to the dramatic. You kept it simple, loving and very human. I love the magic of JKR's stories and you had license to use it but you wisely kept it at bay and made it thoroughly believable.
Your descriptive writing, narrative and prose is outstanding. I felt like I was in St. Mungo's, on the wards, smelling those medicinal and deodorizing chemicals associated with hospitals. Touching an elderly, frail and bony elbow, etc...
Well done. You have a wonderful gift for writing and I will enjoy your stories. PWAuthor's Response: I just want to say, your reviews are some of the nicest I have ever gotten, and I really, really thank you for them. They never, ever fail to brighten my day, and you have the absolute nicest things to say. ♥
I am speechless. Thank you so, so, so, so much. Honestly. :) Report Review
This is a beautiful epilogue to Neville. Great writing, and I appreciate your inspiration from Kipling! Art is the best.
Keep doing what you're doing. :)Author's Response: Isn't Kipling great? Thank you so much for all your sweet reviews, they really made me smile. :) Report Review
O Jayne, O Jayne, This was amazing!
I have always loved reading Neville (he's one of the few Hogwarts Era characters who I really like) and I think your Neville stands out to me. It was haunting, the way he interacted with his parents, and having Augusta walking with him in the beginning was really something, as I had never thought of how Neville would feel before going to see his parents. The end was beautiful, woith it's description of how Neville had mentally changed what the place where his parents stayed and had kept his memories of the two people he should have been able to look to for help and guidence to symbolize something that paralled his coming of age with his brithday. (Did you loose your place in that sentece, because I did, so I apologize if it came off as rather all over the place!) The gum wrapper in particular was something I loved because it just stood out as all Alice had, but it was enough to make Neville feel as though he had meant something to her. Maybe not a big something, but it was something enough.
Wonderful, wonderful story, and I look forward to reading more of your AMAZING writing as I continue attacking your page! :D
-AnnieAuthor's Response: YAY! Thank you so much, Annie! I am really glad you enjoyed it - it was my first time writing Neville, so I am glad it came across well. :)
Love you!!! Report Review
Okay, this made me sob. Literally. I know it wasn't particularly sad, but it was so beautiful. I was completely moved. This was what I call a perfect peice. You hit characterization dead on and your flow and plot and every little important thing were perfect. Please, keep writing! You have a true gift and thank you so much for having me read this. :DAuthor's Response: Wow - your review has left me virtually speechless. Thank you so much for leaving it! Thank you so much for your incredibly sweet review - I just can't say much more. :) Report Review
Hi! Here's your requested review! :)
Nothing up with your grammar! :)
You seem to have Neville down right off the bat! That little stumble of his was classic Neville! :)
Every time I read about Frank and Alice, it's so depressing! It's just so sad :(
This is really sweet and I like it but being so short there's not much to point out! You've written well so I suppose that's all I can say haha :) Also I love Rudyard Kipling, and the poem fits gorgeously! :)Author's Response: Haha, Neville's so adorable - I wanted to write him away from his bumbling self, but he's got to have some of that, yeah?
Thank you very much for the speedy review! Report Review
I started crying right around the part that says, "Gran said I was just as brave as you," Neville added...
This piece is beautiful.Author's Response: Aww, you cried? As twisted as it may sound, it means a lot to me that the story evoked so much emotion in you. :P Thank you for taking the time to leave such a nice little review! Report Review
*sigh* once again Jane, you have nailed a perfect story. . . It takes a lot to be able to handle plot lines like these, but even more to handle a character like Nevielle. I personally think you did a fantastic job, i really could see mathew lewis doing this for a part in the movies! It was a great story and i couldnt have choosen a better way to put it.
Love always Jess.Author's Response: Thank you, Jess! I am really glad you liked the story, I have a particular fondness for this one. :D Report Review
Oh my gosh..I loved it! It might be that is is gone 2am but I almost cried. It was so good! You wrote the moment perfectly and I never really thought about this moment but after reading this it makes perfect sense that he would need that closure.
This was amazing! Well done :)
Hannah xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your review, Hannah! I'm really glad you liked it, this was actually a really fun piece to write. :D Report Review
hi jane!! :)
firstly, as soon as i grasped the meaning of "the fourth floor" i was awed a little by your apt titling skills :P i'm always one to appreciate a good title!
i think that the lines that you chose from the poem are really, really apt for the longbottoms. i hadn't thought of the lines that way before but it just makes it more heartbreaking.
i really think this is a complete, lovely, touching piece--i love neville, and i think that you characterized him perfectly, and i was surprised to see the softer side of his Nan as well, because i remember her throwing away the wrappers or something like that in the books when they would go to visit.
at first i thought there might have been a little bit of an overload of information, but then i started getting into neville's mind a little more, and thinking about how he would likely notice everything about the place during these visits--and it sort of made the lack of details in his parents even more painful to think about.
you really got me with the line "...and Bellatrix Lestrange. She's gone now, Mum." that's when the scene sort of tied itself together for me and made me really feel how horrible what Bellatrix actually did, really is. it made me very sad for Neville, and for his parents, and for their confusion and inability to speak or really understand.
this is very, very well-written, as always, and you did a wonderful job handling a heavy subject.
--lilyAuthor's Response: Hi Lily! :D
Thanks so much, I got rather excited when I found a good title for this story. ^^ I originally started this as a Snape story using those lines, but when I thought about the Neville connection I knew that would be better.
Wow - your review was just so sweet. Thank you so much for it! :D Report Review
Aw, this was so sweet. I can't tell you whch part because t was all sweet and it was great to actually see Neville visit his parents because we never got to see that in the books.
Great job with this. :)
xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for swinging by and leaving a review! :D I'm really glad you liked this story! Report Review
Neville! ♥ I love that boy. And I love his granny~ and I think your description of her fits her exceptionally well: "a rigid woman who probably wouldn't have been moved by the strongest gale". It's how I would see her.
I love all your description really. I could never describe a hospital (so very dreary and slow and depressing and my heart ;A;) "The fourth floor of the hospital was wrapped in a kind of antiseptic silence - all clean and hushed, with not even the squeaking of the Healers' shoes to break the thick atmosphere." That, I think sums up the atmosphere perfectly.
Awww, that entire scene. It was so touching. And not the least bit overdone too. Their subtle reactions to Neville, I think, really make it. The sort of understanding in an opening of the mouth, a habit of dropping the gum wrapper. And I really like that Neville focused on how they all won, how their fight has finished and that their suffering was not for naught. We saw Neville grow up, but I like that this is his personal task that he needed to do to sort out that side of his life with finality.
Great read! :) Of course, I would've expected no less~Author's Response: Isn't Neville the bee's knees? :D
Thank you so much for leaving such a sweet review - it means a lot to me, especially because I admire your stories SO much! I always felt that Neville needed a little closure, and I am glad you felt the same way.
You're so sweet, Gina. *hug* Thank you for leaving such a wonderful review!! Report Review
i loved this story. It is a very awesome way of having Neville Longbottom tell his parent that what Bellatix Lestrange and Voldermort di to his parents with the Crusiatius Curse.VERY AWESOME !Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review! It means a lot to me. :D Report Review
Hey. Umm. Wow. Well, first of all, this is going to be favourited. I could not fault you here, J.K.R. could have given us this scene here. I thought the moment when you see neville and his parents in book 5 was one of the most powerful things in the book, and you really did it justice here. By the way I hate Kipling - but I love this. You've made his poem better by writing this. LOVED IT! - B xxxAuthor's Response: Oh my gosh - thank you so much! Wow, you've just made my day. =] I can't even thank you enough for the sweetness of this review, thank you!!! Report Review
So firstly I'd like to say thank you for deciding to do the challenge, I was delighted that you'd taken it up ^.^
I thought this was SO nicely done, you write so well and I think the line and the subject of the story went AMAZINGLY well. I'm a huge fan of Neville (he's amazing!!! :P) and you really did him justice! It was a really interesting place to set it, after the war, after everything that's happened it felt like a light, bittersweet but meaningful piece :D
Gosh I really don't know how to say that how much I enjoyed it (my review writing muse appears to have gone on holiday...) but I think you're an amazing author and love how well you characterize your characters!
Thank you again for entering the challenge, I really enjoyed it!
~Roonyskatoony~Author's Response: I thought this was an extremely interesting challenge - I'm so glad you came up with the idea for it!
Thank you so much for being so complimentary. ^^ I had never tried to write Neville before but I wanted to portray him as someone other than the round-face, forgetful boy from the first few books, so I am so pleased that translated well. =]
Thank you so much once again! I will look forward to the results! Report Review
Wow hun this is such a beautiful and sad piece! I just love it! You did a great job with Neville and the emotions he would be going through with seeing his parents. I can't imagine how tough that would be for him to have to go through this and have his parents not even recognize who he is. I only spotted two errors in this one is: "Augusta said anxiously, looking anxiously up at her grandson's face" to me this seemed rather awkward to have two anxiously's in the same sentence. maybe keep it as Augusta said anxiously, looking up at her grandson's face.. and the second: "Augusta Longbottom looked at her grandson with wide and curious eyes, but understand the command masked beneath the request" instead of it being understand it should be understanding. Great job hun this really was a great oneshot about Neville and him going to his parents on his 18th birthday.. I really loved it!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Ooh! Thank you for catching those! ^^
I'm so glad you liked this - thanks very much for reading and reviewing! *hug* Report Review
Amazing. I'm so impressed. Neville's probably my favourite character in the series (although Ron comes in awfully close), because his story is so tragic, and he shows such amazing bravery, especially in the year Harry, Ron, and Hermione are on the run. his parents are an amazing metaphor in the books for how things would never go back to normal after the war. One of the things I liked so much in your story was the way you showed Neville's mental development not only during his visit to the hospital, but as a whole. The way he spoke to his grandmother, and the way he talked with his parents was a great depiction of the new Neville we see briefly in the last book. Really, really well done!Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for your lovely review! ^^ I've never had much of an attachment to Neville, but I really sort of grew closer to him after this (does that even make sense? Hehehe!).
I always like to think Neville wasn't always the lovable, bumbling, clumsy boy from the earlier books - I like exploring this side of him better. ^^ Thank you for leaving such an amazing review! Report Review
It's so good that Neville got his closure. I can't imagine seeing my parents like that...it would be horrible. And to know that Neville was almost The Chosen One, and that it was just Voldemort's random choosing between the two that spared him, is really unnerving. I think Neville lived up to his parents brilliantly, and the way you depicted his feelings about Frank and Alice, and the situation at St. Mungo's Frank and Alice now find themselves in, really shines. I liked everything - Augusta crying, the descriptions, the fact that you didn't make Frank and Alice miraculously start talking again just because Neville said the war was over. I half wished it would happen, half hoped you wouldn't. And I'm glad you didn't, for the sake of realism. The way it ended was bittersweet and perfect, I think. Much more poignant and memorable than a cheerful, everything's-roses kind of ending.
Favorite bits that really stood out to me:
"Frank, you're looking wonderful today," Augusta said cheerfully, patting his hand with a rather trembly one and suddenly busying herself with the ornate clasp of her red handbag. - I think this was my favorite line out of the whole thing. It's just this horrible dose of reality of what it would be like to look down on your son knowing he would never speak to you again. To cope with such a terrible fate for your child would be...too difficult for me to handle, that's for sure. This line shows Gran's strength and the day-to-day somberness of the situation. It's so very real, it's exactly the kind of thing someone would really say. When you climb into a story, Jane, you really climb into it. I don't think you do anything halfway.
"I don't think I'm brave like you and Mum. I'm brave because of you." - :'( Heart-wrenching and perfect.
It suddenly occurred to him how frail and thin her elbow felt beneath his hand, and he instinctively held on tighter, as though meaning to keep her with him. - such detail! It made the story come alive.
Your writing consistently impresses me. I always know that when I go to read something of yours, it's going to be good, and I'm going to keep thinking about it long after I've finished reading. It's your own special brand of magic, Jane, to be able to do this. Don't ever stop.
10/10Author's Response: I... have nothing to say. You have made me speechless. So, now it's time for your own poem:
My feet are cold and turning pink
I have some dishes in the sink
I finished 'The Hunger Games' today
A word that rhymes with that is 'clay'.
Love you, Sarah! =] *hug* Report Review
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