Hello, Naida! Merry Christmas! This is your very own Christmas Fairy speaking:-)
I love Harry and Ginny fics, so I am on home turf with Haunted, and I enjoyed reading it very much. I'm not familiar with Taylor Swift - she isn't as well known where I am from (a tiny hint for you there!), but the lyrics fitted your subject matter very nicely.
There was a lot to like here. I thought you had some lovely descriptions. I especially liked the passage about the sun setting. Your diction there was lovely, mirroring Ginny's emotions, as it was when discussing how she imagined Harry's presence all the time.
Ginny's emotional state throughout the story was nicely judged. You painted a lovely portrait of heartbreak. I felt her pain, and her vacillation between hope that he'll come back and desolation that he left at all rang true. I thought the letter she wrote was a lovely touch.
There are some improvements I think you could make:
I'm not sure that the characterisation is quite perfect throughout. It was a little jarring to describe Harry as unfeeling and emotionless - I've always felt that he left her out of love, and that Ginny knew that, even though she thought it was a stupid thing to do, but perhaps that's just my reading.
I felt that 'stature' was an odd choice of word in the sentence 'Ginny's stature gradually fell apart'. I wonder if 'composure' might work better?
And finally, I thought that perhaps the ending could be improved. It feels a bit abrupt. I liked that Ginny got hold of herself - this is a Ginny that I recognise, but I think something simple, like her going out the face the day, a Harry-free future, would have tied it up beautifully.
All-in-all - a well written and heartfelt piece that I enjoyed reading.Author's Response: Eeeek, thank you! -insert heart here- This is my very first fic, so to be honest, I pretty much hate it xD I only leave it up for memory's sake, so all these compliments are amazing.
When I wrote this, I did like Harry/Ginny, though now I don't like the ship much :P Wow, it's amazing for me to read this and realize how much I've changed. I still love this song though, so I'm glad you thought it was fitting.
No, don't tell me that this is balanced. Tell me that this is over dramatic and Ginny needs to get a life and that the plot and characters suck. YOU ARE WAY TOO SWEET, CHRISTMAS FAIRY. Haha, thank you, though -insert another heart here- It is nice to hear that you liked the descriptions in this!
Thank you for suggesting all those improvements! Since I am a fairly honest person, I can tell you that I probably won't be editing this particular story, but I will DEFINITELY keep them in mind for any future stories I write. This was one of the sweetest and most thought out reviews I have ever received so thank you!!
And us Claws are the best xD
Happy Holidays to you, dear Christmas Fairy, and thank you.
You've reviewed so many of my stories before, and I've never dropped by to return the favor -- and now I'm seriously regretting that! This was extremely well-written, and next to flawless. Your lack of virtually any grammar and spelling mistakes was so nice to see, because I know you put a lot of time into this. And that speaks volumes -- I admire it a lot. And it's your first story, too! I'm impressed.
I'm not usually much of one for Harry/Ginny fics (they are definitely not my favorite pairing, they don't even make the list), but yours wasn't difficult for me to read at all. The lyrics you were given incorporated into the story very well, too. Ginny's emotions struck a bit of something within myself, and seeing as it's /Ginny/ who made me feel this, that's a credit to your skills. :D
My favorite lines --
Never before had she realised the extent of her love for this marked boy.
(I LOVE the fact you called him a marked boy. I don't know why, but I grinned like mad when I came to it. It's such a good line.)
Time passes, and supposedly heals all wounds.
I love discovering authors who have a genuine gift for what they do. You've got talent, and never doubt that. I'm very glad I clicked over here, I'll have to check out more of your stories in the future! You're quite a good writer.Author's Response: Oh. My. Rowling. Wow. I had to read this review three or four times to make sure it was for my story, not someone else's, because, quite honestly, this is one of the best reviews I've EVER gotten. And it's for my little songfic that I keep up to remind me of what I was like when i first started writing. Wow. You're amazing. I can't believe I managed to make you like this. I liked H/G then, really don't like it much now, so I know exactly what you mean when you say they can be hard to read. Wow. I'm really in awe at this review. And sorry for the ramble of a response, you deserve so much better for this piece of magnificence xD I love you so much for this! I think I'm going to huggle it for a few hours now. kthxbai.
-Naida Report Review
Very moving for a one-shot, an interesting look into Ginny's state of mind and emotions following her break up with Harry. I personally don't think the song lyrics add much content or emotion to the story, but I've never been a fan of song fics in general. For a first fic this is awesome! Very developed character and intense understanding of her emotions, and just well-written overall with no grammar or spelling errors. This really makes me feel for Ginny and what it must've been like for her to go back to school without her boyfriend, her brother, and a close friend in Hermione. Makes her seem much braver and a true Gryffindor! Great story!Author's Response: Thank you so much, hun! I really don't deserve a squee review on this little thing, but it was nonetheless very much appreciated. I wrote this at a time when all I liked were songfics, but looking back on it now, I definitely understand what you mean about the song lyrics. I feel like they structure the story more than anything. Anyways, I'm so glad you liked it, and thanks again for reviewing!
-Naida Report Review
Waheey! There's a story of yours that I haven't reviewed yet, so... why not review, right?
I loved the way you used language in this. The description was all really good and everything just seemed to flow really naturally. There were no awkward pauses or anything it all just fit.
I didn't like seeing Ginny so upset but it was understandable. I thought the letter bit was really good - its the sort of thing I'd do when I was really upset and especially the bit when she starts forcing hersef to smile. Ginny is a pretty strong character so it makes sense that she'd push herself forwards a little bit.
I'm always a little bit in awe about people who can keep characters who are written about loads in cannon, in character. I'd never be able to write about Harry or Ginny or Ron or any of thoes. They're too formed. I'd be really scared of getting them all wrong. So well done!
Ac xxxAuthor's Response: lol, YOU FOUND SOMETHING!
*hides* My first story. I don't even know why I still keep it up :P You really are too sweet, you know. Thanks for the ego boost! Not that I needed another one from you xD I'm really glad that Ginny was canon though, and that you liked the language. I absolutely adore getting reviews from you! I think i'll go reserruct my muse and write something just to get another one :P Thanks again!
-Naida Report Review
Love it!! I started out as a GinnyHarry writer but, as you know, eventually turned to Harmony. But I really do like this one.
I'm not the biggest Taylor Swift fan but I do like this song and I think you did great; even if it was your first. And as you said to me in your review, lyrics fit the story and not the other way around.
When I responded to your review I got it switched :P Oops. Ha. But I meant to say that don't write the story to match the song perfectly.
Anyways, I really do like this one. Great job
lil_hermione_at_heartAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you liked it :D Report Review
I'm not usually a fan of song-fics just because people don't tend to write them very well. But I love TSwift! So I couldn't say no to this. You picked an excellent song for this fic, by the way.
You make me feel so bad for Ginny in this story. I never really thought about how she would feel after Harry broke it off with her so it's interesting to see your perspective on it. I feel like Ginny has such a hero worship for Harry so, of course, she'd be devastated when he left her. You write her emotions very well with that.
I like how you have her writing to release her frustration, anger and sadness over Harry's abandonment. I always found writing to be a very cathartic experience.
Going along with her hero worship, this line stuck out to me: "He was perfect, so perfect, entirely perfect." It's not good to be in a relationship with someone you think is perfect because you're just putting them on a pedestal and it only leads to disappointment in the end. :( I thought that entire paragraph was a bit dramatic. I don't know, I always thought Ginny as stronger than that, you know?
It must be terrible to keep reliving the moment when he says goodbye over and over again in her sleep. I wouldn't want to sleep either.
I liked the ending though, how she knew she needed to start acting normal but she wouldn't forget her love for Harry. The line about being "forever haunted" tied in well with the lyrics of the song.
Nice job though! You managed to impress someone who usually doesn't dig songfics. ;)
forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Oh my, this is so old. I can feel my cheeks getting red because of this. I'm actually shocked that you liked it, because I really need to edit it. This was a time when I was way overdramatic with everything, and that clearly came through.
Anyways, enough self pity, thank you so much for the review! You really made me smile, and I'm so glad I could write a songifc you enjoyed! I really appreciate the amazing review and all your kind words. I love the song too, and it just screamed H/G to me.
-Naida Report Review
This was really good! It is almost exactly how i imagined Ginny would act after Harry told her they couldn't be together. I have never been able to put my words down and write stories like this. The only writing I can do is poetry. I am glad that I found a story that expressed my thoughts. Keep writing!! :)Author's Response: Thank you very muchly! I'm so glad you liked this! And everyone can write- just keep practicing. If you ever want any help, come find me on the forums :) But thanks for the review! I really appreciate it! Report Review
The lyrics of this song work so well with the mood and theme of your story, excellent choice! I thought you did really well with your depiction of Ginny's thoughts - it easily could have gone melodramatic but I felt this kept a nice balance so that it was angsty but not over the top. I really felt like you developed Ginny's character very effectively. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much! When I heard the song, this scene immediately popped into my mind, so I'm glad it works well! Thanks again! Report Review
I really liked this. (: I was afraid Ginny was going to have the same mentality throughout the whole thing, and I think it would be a bit OOC for that to happen... But in the last paragraph you pulled it together really nicely!
I liked your use of the lyrics, and the way she said she would be 'forever haunted'; a nice tie-in to the song without being overt about it.
Really, nice job. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate the review and I'm glad you liked this! Report Review
Hi there =)
I always feel that a song fic helps to bring more emotion to a story. TBH I am not that familiar with the song, as I am not that big of a fan of Taylor Swift but I thought the words fitted very poetically with this one-shot =). It helped us see the emotions that she was covering, which was good and I like how you gave us a different characteristic of Ginny. One we rarely see. The flow was a nice pace and wasn't too rushed and I kind of wanted to hit Harry for making her feel like that LOL.
Lovely story, and I am certainly going to look up that song, as soon as I can lol =p
Silverstarletworld=)Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review! Report Review
GRRAAARRR I WANT A HAPPY ENDING
This is such a sad story! You really let me feel the pain Ginny felt at losing Harry. The "empty eyes" bit (and really the entire tale) was so very sad and sent chills through me.
*scrambles around for constructive criticism* Hmm... perhaps Ginny could be somewhat stronger mentally and a little less melodramatic, as she is quite a strong girl. But then again, this is in the private of her room, so I can see how it would make sense...
GAH I fail at constructive criticism.
Anyway, amazing story! :)Author's Response: Aaaaww, thank you so so much! You don't even know how amazing that made me feel! That just made my day- forget that, that just made my weekend! I can't believe I gave you chills. To me, when I get chills, I know it's a good story, so that was about the biggest compliment I could get! Thank you thank you thank you for the wonderful review! Report Review
I love this story! You explore Ginny's feelings properly and write it so that's it's believable. You've captured the agony and heartbreak of a girl who has been in love with someone for most of her life.
And I love Taylor Swift's music too, so that's always going to attract my attention ;) You managed to fit the lyrics of the song to your story very well, so well done. That is often the hardest part of a songfic.
I'm glad she makes the decision to rebuild herself and get over Harry at the end. It just wouldn't be like Ginny to carry on depressed for a long time.
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: I'm going to use this oppurtunity to thank you once again for beta'ing this for me! And thanks for the review as well, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
This was beautiful!
I'm definitely feeling the heartache the girl is experiencing. I mean, she was in love with him for half her life so yes, she is going to be aching. Your words were magical, perfectly capturing the agony that comes when first love is lost.
In the end, when Ginny decides to put herself back together is so like her. Including the part where she isn't yet over him is also quite relevant because her love for Harry is intrinsic to Ginny.
This was great! Thank you!
L, CharAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! That just made my day! Report Review
You've got a lot of good stuff hanging around here. You know where you want to go, leading us through her emotions and there's a lot of good syntax all around. You make good use of a lot of details, like her mom calling her down for dinner but it's not Harry. Though I think calling him 'her only true love' is a bit too overemotional.
I think that sometimes, a little deeper description of her despair might be nice (metaphors and such. Or even more complex phrasing and vocabulary), since it can get a little repetitive at times, although you actually manage it well already. But interesting description will definitely make it better.
This is definitely very good for your very first fic! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm not very good at writing all the metaphors and figurative language stuff, as that isn't my style, but I understand where you're coming from and can completely give it a try! Thanks for the help! Report Review
Wow. I really enjoyed reading this fic! I think it's well written, and the song lyrics really related to what Ginny was feeling! I haven't really read any Harry/Ginny break up sort of fics, but I really liked your story!
The song lyrics were lovely - I always like Taylor Swift's songs :P I just liked how you wrote Ginny and her emotions, it was well done, and quite realistic.
Great work! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I heard the song and my mind immediately jumped here, so I decided to write it. Thanks again, I really appreciate the review! Report Review
Well, I quite enjoyed this insight into Ginny's thoughts and feelings. I was worried about the characterisation through it but I think you pulled it together at the end, showing Ginny's strength and refusal to give up.
I thought it was written well, you did good with her emotions. I liked the letter idea. There were a few grammar little things but I wouldn't worry to much about those, I think I saw from the other reviews me telling you to find a beta would be pointless because it's been said already.
It was a nice story, I really liked it :D
Hannah xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Your writing is so amazing, that a compliment from you means the world to me! Report Review
This is your first songfic? Well very well done, then. I love the Harry and Ginny pairing, and their characterisations and their emotions were well done. Your writing style has potential - you've got a good variety of different sentences structures.
I noticed a couple of typos and punctuation/grammar errors: these can be easily straightened out by use of a beta. A beta can also give you tips of your writing style - especially concerning the pacing and flow of your story. It's a little haphazard here, but I'm sure it will get better with practice. also watch your formatting - it can disrupt the flow of the story as well!
I like the song you chose, it definitely works with the moment and your use of descriptions and imagery is very good.
Well done!Author's Response: It is my first songfic and also the first story I put on the site. I had written a couple drabbles before, but this was my first real work. Typos I know I have, I'm terrible at finding those, trust spell check way too much, but thanks for the review and for your input! Report Review
Well done. I thought this was a nice song fic and you used the song really well to guide the story. I love your use of descriptions an metaphors. They worked really well to create the scene and the mood. It really suited this moment really well and I could just imagine Ginny having a minor break down on her own.
You have a really nice writing style and the sentences just flowed together effortles, it was such a joy to read. This was one of my favourtie lines "But even sleep gave her no reprieve from her desperation. For no sooner had her eyes closed, than had Harry’s slender frame walked into her consciousness."
There were a few speling and grammar issues, such as missing capitals, wrong punctuation etc, but this can be fised with a beata reader. I would also close up the formatting a little so there are less spaces between the lyrics and the story.
Over all though, well done. I really enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Editing the story has jumped to the top of my priority list, but I'm glad it flows well, because I was super worried about that! Report Review
Hey! Sev here with your review: Okay, good story all together, but you need a lot of work on this piece. It's great for your first Songfic, though. My first concerns are the typos in this. There are places where you've forgotten periods as well, and put commas in instead. Careful what you do :)
Another concern, in this fic you said: "humanoid shape." Honestly, I don't know what it means. If you're refering to a human shape, you might want to specify this :)
Just get a beta, and you'll be good :DAuthor's Response: Will edit and fix the typos :) But thanks for taking the time to review! Report Review
This was fantastic. It really was. I loved every bit of it. And I love that song, too. It's one of my favorites on Tay Swizzle's "Speak Now" album. :)
There was only one mistake I caught: "And again, he uttered those fateful words, and gain he walked away. Walked away from their love." The gain should say again. :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)Author's Response: Thank you! I love the song too, I think it might only be beat by Dear John.
Thanks again! Really appreciate it! Report Review
Her body began to shake less and less as se drifted into slumber.-- the typo is the se, should be she.
And again, he uttered those fateful words, and gain he walked away.-- Again instead of gain.
Hi there, LMW from the forums with your requested review. You requested just for a general review of your writing style.
I pointed out the major typos I saw that could be fixed very easily with just a quick look over and just some outlining and rereading.
I think that doing a song fic is very doable and that this song could apply to Ginny and Harry especially after their break up. Ginny in my mind was mostly in character simply because she was by herself; in person, I don't see Ginny moping over Harry or allowing him to dictate her thought so much. On her own, however, I could see her having a break down and really thinking about him.
As far as your writing style goes, I think you have real potential. You have a pretty good understanding of how to format sentences effectively and use a little bit of variety between simple, compound, and complex sentences. I also noticed that you add description and emotion as apporiate.
Your pacing and flow has a little bit of issue, but transitioning is hard; I think with time and practice you could smooth out those sort of issues. It is a basic one-shot but this is a good way to practice all that.
My best advice would be to keep writing; it doesn't have to be FF. Just writing ideas and writing down thoughts will help. I hope this is what you were looking for when you were considering the request. Best of luck as you continue and grow.
LMWAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your time! This is really helpful feedback and I really appreciate it. I'll definitely take what you said into account as I continue to write.
Thanks again for taking the time to read this!! Report Review
I love this song and every time I hear it I think of Harry and Ginny. I thought that you captured how Ginny might have felt well and I loved the ending. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection