This chapter was so sad! I loved it though. I've never thought about what it must have been like when Frank and Alice got tortured by Bellatrix. Definitely do not want this story to end. Report Review
Hello, I'm still here and loving this story! Will there be a sequel, or will it just be ending? I really love Elena and Simon's relationship, as well as her relationship with Corinne. Gah this story is so good! I decided just before bed that I would check my favorited stories to see if any had been updated and when I saw this story had I literally gasped aloud. Great chapter!Author's Response: Hi! And thank you so much for being patient with my infrequent updates. And for leaving a review ♥
I don't know if there can be a sequel, exactly, to this, but I have thought about writing a shorter novella about Corinne. I have several ideas about what happened to her before this story and what happens after that would be interesting to write I think. (And even though it wouldn't be Elena's story, doesn't mean that she wouldn't show up). That's not 100 percent though. But definitely something I'm considering :)
I'm glad that you checked then and it's great to hear that you were excited :D
Thanks again and I'll try to update more quickly this time :) Report Review
I thought you did a great job showing Elena's pain in the chapter. Ever since the story started, you've given us the sort-of impression that Elena is a strong woman and Oliver's death is a wake-up call to us all that she might not be as strong as we think she is. Okay, don't get me wrong because I don't think any less of her. I just think that this incident softens her character a little bit more.
Elena's healer skills did come in handy in this chapter. I thought that it was pretty cool when she was in hysterics and she asked them to get lacewing to calm her down.
Again, I got all the feels when Simon started stroking her hair. Argh. I seriously don't know anymore if he just wants friendship or more. Ugh. :
And there's a mention of Christian again! I'm thinking he was Corinne's boyfriend but he could be her brother too. Ah. I just don't know anymore. I'll leave it up to you to reveal the mysteries since you're the author.
Great job, really! ♥ I know I haven't been much of help and I haven't been giving you a lot of feedback but that's because I don't think I have anything more to say about your story other than it is absolutely amazing! I'm completely in love with it.
51st review out of 100Author's Response: Ahh I meant to respond to this ages ago! So sorry to have forgotten Izzy!!
Hmm, that's definitely an interesting point. I think you're right that Elena isn't so stoic here--like she can manage things most of the time, but for everyone, there's a time when they just stop coping well.
But yep, even through that she can at least fall back on her training.
Ha- yes. Confusing signals. Keep reading?
Nice catch on the second mention of Christian. Not saying who he is, but that will definitely be revealed later.
You are too sweet! I am so so glad that you are enjoying this story and it's really great to hear what you think of it as you go along! If you decide to keep reading, I will appreciate your future reviews forever and ever :)
Thank you thank you ♥
--Haley Report Review
Why can't the two of them just be together? I am dying over here. I just really want them to be together so badly. At least then I won't have to keep thinking is Simon actually nice as he seemed to be before in the earlier chapters or not. Last time I saw him, he wanted to get rid of Elena (but I don't think he meant it) but it's like he wants to keep Elena and I am just confused. Can you please tell Simon to stop being so confusing? Please.
I'm really loving this fast pace you have here, I've been noticed it starting from when Simon and Elena attacked though I didn't think much of it then. This just great. It goes so well with the mystery in the story :). Also, I know I haven't mentioned this for a while now but I do think your dialogues are great. They are really well constructed and just very realistic.
Argh. I really need to read the next chapter now! Hahahah. You got me hooked!
50th review out of 100Author's Response: Hi again :)
Ah pacing, my constant worry. But actually there is a point later in this story where there is one long scene that extends over several (3) chapters, because there is so much action there is no time for a break. But so as not to scare people off, there are also a few slower/more introspective scenes. Oh and thank you! :D
Okay, so going back to the first paragraph of this review :P I get it, at this point "confusing" is pretty much Simon's middle name. Or maybe it's "mixed signals" ;) Hopefully it is not too exhausting to put up with all the emotional swings/shifts that are going on :P But, I will say this: read two more chapters and you will be rewarded.
Okay, just a disclaimer, there will also be more questions two chapters later. But really, at this point, you shouldn't be surprised about the amount of questions that crop up in this story. But I swear I don't do it just to make people crazy!
Anyways--thank you for all these lovely reviews! It makes me so happy to hear that you're enjoying reading this. (And clearly I'm having too much fun responding to your reviews as well).
--Haley Report Review
Corinne and Simon. Sigh. Well, I can't say that I was surprised with the two of them fighting. I figured that this kind of thing was bound to happen because tensions have just been high. With the Ministry, Elena and Ethan to deal with the two of them barely get their rests! What was surprised about though is how intense their yelling match was. I imagined it to be just a few snide remarks here and there, but wow. Just wow. That fight so awesome and you executed it so well. :D
And then there's Corinne and Elena. I'm so glad those two are slowly finding their feet towards their...acquaintanceship (is that the word I'm looking for?). I'm interested to see how things will go between the two of them now! Corinne might still be the cold-ish person she is, but at least she's starting to thaw. Jeez. I make Corinne sound like a piece of frozen meat, don't I? O.o
Why did Charlie Redmond kill himself so quickly! It's obviously out of fear, but fear of who? Hmmm! And who's Christian?
Ahh. The plot's really starting to thicken now and things are just getting more and more mysterious. Great job!
49th review out of 100Author's Response: Hi Izzy!
So, yeah, in this chapter Simon and Corinne's bickering goes a bit further. The stress of the situation is definitely a huge factor, but part of the reason it escalated so quickly has to do with some things that weren't explicitly said. Again, those two have known each other for a while and so Corinne, for example, knows why Simon has such a problem with the idea of people/Elena dying as they search for the killer. And it's that sort of thing where people get all edgy when someone figures out their real reason for wanting/saying something.
Acquaintanceship, I guess that works. Alliance also sort of fits, the way I see it. Corinne is still unhappy about--a lot of things. And her personality is generally cold. But she's being less hostile for sure, towards Elena, which is thawing, as you say it. The metaphor works, I think, haha.
Ah, yes, questions. So many questions. That is how this story works. Questions arise. Then a question is answered. And then 2 new questions come from the answer. Questions are like the hydra in this story. You know, it's this greek monster that when you chop of one of it's heads, two more grow back in its place. (Speaking of weird metaphors :p ).
Anyhow. Thanks very much, again, for reviewing! It's really great to get to see your thoughts as you go through the story!
--Haley Report Review
Hi! I'm here again. I couldn't help myself, I just had to know what happened when Elena started trailing Ethan and I have to say that I am so glad I did. I got so much feels at the end of the chapter.
Okay, so before I start rambling about the Elena/Simon feels I'll give you a proper review.
I really love how Elena is so keen on proving herself worthy to Simon and Corinne. If I was her, I don't even think I'd have the heart to follow Ethan for as long as she did. She was so good at it, but she kind of dropped the ball when she rushed to buy the magazine and keep trailing Ethan. But I don't want to blame her, she's still new to this!
The fight scene was so intense! It was just spell after spell being thrown at each other. I really liked that bit, but not as much as I loved when Elena started worrying Simon. Now, some people might say that its just because Elena is a healer and it is in her instincts to heal those who are in need. I disagree. I think she has a crush on him, but she's not aware of it yet. she will be soon, though. Soon. Those two should get together real quick. I don't think I can take a lot more after this. Gah.
Amazing chapter! I absolutely loved it! ♥
48th review out of 100Author's Response: Hi again :)
So it looks like that as you're reviewing, I'm trying to catch up with the responding.
So, I think you're pretty right about Elena. She's definitely wanting to feel worth while, and especially after the way Simon and Corinne have been acting, she feels like she has to show that she can be competent. Except, yeah, the thing is, she doesn't totally know how to do it all, and she's a bit nervous so she makes mistakes.
So it's good to hear that the fight scene worked for you--I feel like action scenes are always a bit challenging to write. You want to convey that adrenaline, heart racing feeling, but at the same time, you have to describe what's happening in a way that isn't (a) totally confusing and (b) doesn't detract from the pacing.
Hah, but we shall see about that last part. Spoilers, right? ;) Though I will say that Elena has enough experience as a Healer that she probably doesn't break down every time she thinks one of her patients has died.
It's so nice to read all the reviews you've been leaving! So thank you for that ♥
--Haley Report Review
I'm here again! Ugh. I keep delaying this. I'll finish all of your reviews before the end of January and just in case you forgot (you probably did since it's been ages) I'm here to give you your review prizes. :)
Moving on, I'm so glad that Frank and Alice are joining the team! I feel like just having them around brings Elena's spirits back or is that just me? Also, what is happening with Corinne and Simon! They are treating Elena worse than before. Hmmm...
I thought the story was well-written like always. The descriptions of the cafe were really good and I could easily imagine myself sitting in the corner drinking coffee. Great job! ♥
47th review out of 100Author's Response: Hi Izzy!
Right- I think I had forgotten a little bit :) But thanks for coming back to review!
Yeah, you're totally right that Frank and Alice help Elena focus again. Honestly, they're quite normal compared to Simon and Corinne, who can be insular at best, and who tend to fuel each others bad traits at worst. The way I see it, Simon and Corinne get along normally because they're friends and they respect and trust each other but throw them in a stressful situation and neither of them are very considerate at all. So I imagine Elena's quite relieved.
Thank you again! Report Review
2:30am, just caught up. You're rather good at cliffhangers! Thank God you don't do it more often :) You do an excellent job describing the battles and the action, please keep going!Author's Response: Hi again!
You read fast! I know that a ton happens from chapter 16-22, (at some point, it becomes this continuous 4-chapter-long scene) so it's probably a lot of plot to process. And cliff hangers--they are way too much fun to write (especially in serialized stuff that's posted a chapter at a time) but I know that it's maybe not so much fun for readers. Anyways, I have the next chapter written (I just need to quickly edit it) and then a draft of the chapter after that. So hopefully there shall be updates soon!
Again, it's really a great complement to hear that you read this entire story all the way through. And I can't thank you enough for letting me know that you did by leaving a review.
--Haley Report Review
Hello, I just wanted to say that this is one of the most suspenseful, wonderful stories on this site I have ever read! I've been reading for hours. I LOVE mystery and action, and it's so hard to find that sort of thing on here as a lot of it is drama or angst or fluffy romance. Not that I don't love a bit of romance; I'm rambling. I just wanted you to know that I am a huge supporter of this, and I'm going to keep reading now, even though it's 1am! Nice twist at the end of the chappie by the way :)Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for leaving a review! It's great to hear that you just stumbled on this story and that you liked it enough to keep reading. I'm glad that there are people like you who enjoy mystery and action because I am definitely not great at writing fluffy romance. And it's fine--rambling is to be expected in reviews (and review responses =] ).
Anyways, thank you so much again! Report Review
I'm glad that you haven't abandoned this story. It was a really interesting chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter :) I definitely haven't abandoned this story, though I don't blame anyone for wondering when I was going to update again. :) Not to worry though, I'll post more soon. Report Review
It's Izzy here, if you still remember me. I'm supposed to review this story as part of winning the 'No Dialogue' challenge I issued months ago. I'm really sorry for the long delay. I promise I'll do them as soon as I can!
It's been really long since I last reviewed this story, but I'm still a very big fan of the Simon/Elena ship. I think the two of them would work out really well, if only Simon would stop being so mysterious. I always feel like he's hiding something very personal away from Elena and it's irritating me, but it's also pushing me forward to read more about the story and read more about Simon.
Elena slashing through those couches and other upholstery really got me going. I thought you wrote that part very well, for the quickest of moments I felt like I was her! But then I had to snap back to reality. :(
Out of all the things that I love most about your story, I really love how it never loses its touch of mystery. In fact, as the story moves on, the mystery just builds up and that's how every mystery story should be! ♥ Amazing chapter, it was a great read! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Izzy xxAuthor's Response: Hi!
It's not a problem. I've been a bit late responding to this review as well.
Everyone likes acting mysterious in this story, to some extent. Though obviously, it's not so great for the characters, it's fun to write. So saying that Simon's hiding something isn't at all far fetched ;)
Wow, thank you! I guess I was a bit worried that scene would come off as too fast paced, but I'm glad to hear that it worked for you!
Aww, this is such a sweet review. Thank you so much! All the things you said make me all happy and then make me feel guilty that I didn't reply to it sooner. xD Report Review
Hello there! I'm so excited that this chapter is up. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading it! So, let's begin:
Continuity: The only issue that I noticed while reading this was in the part where Simon, Corinne, and Elena were talking about how Moody would call them to come fight the Death Eaters. So, Corinne says at the end of the exchange, "I'll ask Frank if he's coming." but they (Simon, Corinne, Elena) never actually walked away from Alice and Frank. So, unless they were speaking quietly (which also wasn't mentioned), Frank would have been able to hear their conversation.
Characterization: As always, I adore everyone. Your characters are so realistic and I love that they aren't perfect in any way. I liked Elena's defiance when she thought Simon was going to tell her to stay behind, but I still almost wish she would. She's not trained for this and I'm always worried she's going to get hurt. And I'm feeling a huge sense of doom for everyone, really. This story is so intense!
Descriptions: I think this chapter was more dialogue than description, which is fine, but you could always give us a few hints as to how the setting and facial expressions look. :]
Emotions: Loved the intensity in the conversation between Elena and Simon, but I'm still so eager to see them actually voice their feelings! I love that you've created such a believable and intense couple without a bunch of sappiness though. Terrific job.
Plot: Well, I'm definitely worried about how this ended! I thought it was a bit odd that the Deluminator could be made into a Portkey, though. I almost feel like it's too magical for that, but I could be wrong. ;] I'm excited to see what happens next!
This story is absolutely awesome. I think you're doing a really spectacular job and I can't wait for your updates. :] Keep up the great work and the wonderful pacing. I'll read more when you write it. :D
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hi Emily
(I win the terrible review responder award for taking forever to reply to this, so I'm very very sorry!)
Thanks for pointing the continuity issue out! It is a bit ambiguous who is where at that point, so a few lines should clear that up.
Yeah, that is the problem isn't it? You're not really sure who is right when Simon and Elena argue. I mean it's easy to take Elena's point of view and not understand why Simon is so protective. But if you think about it, you're right--she's not trained and in this case that sort of thing would really matter.
I'm glad the conversation between Elena and Simon worked for you though. They are not the sappiest people, partly (honestly) because I am not very good at writing sappy romance. And also, Corinne would never put up with them being sappy. ;)
Right, the way I thought about the Deluminator is what it did with Ron in DH--sort of guided him to the other person's location--they sort of described it like that. I know it's not the same situation, but maybe it works ;)
So, I have finally updated, (with two chapters) though it's been criminally long since I have. Sorry again for not responding sooner- I feel really terrible since your reviews are always so lovely! But I sort of took a hiatus from this site because of a really tough school semester/transition. You know the feeling?
--Haley Report Review
Hi, Aderyn! Here I am with your story review prizes :P I'm so sorry if they took so long to get to you. I've just been really busy with life. (:
Jogging? Wow, these women are goddesses. I can't even speed walk on high heels, how did they manage to jog? Ha, maybe it's one of the perks of being a witch I suppose. Enchant your feet to be capable of tolerating pain and jogging in heels. :P Oh and I thought the clothes transfiguration was pretty clever.
From the moment Jacob was introduced, I knew that he was bad news! The club? The drink? I thought he was going to spike her drink, but she got robbed instead -totally a lot better compared to drinking a spiked beverage. I just found it a bit odd that Elena wasn't thinking of ways to fend him off by magic. If I was Elena, non-verbal spells would probably be on my mind the moment I enter the club and my hand gripped tightly on my wand.
In another way, Elena could still be taking in what is happening and her surroundings. Maybe she thought Muggles could do no harm to her so she didn't really see the point of defending herself. She's a healer after all, she's used to curing people and not harming them. So in a way, the way she acted in the chapter didn't really seemed that off to me.
I think you're improving a lot with each chapter. This one especially, had a lot of good imagery and feelings to it. I could feel the shivers that went down Elena's spine as she walked on the Muggle streets on that very cold night.
Like I said before, I feel that Elena would be better off with Corinne rather than Simon. Simply because to me, Corinne is always straight-forward even though she keeps some of the important information from Elena. In saying that, I do feel sorry for Elena, getting the bitter end of Corinne even though she didn't even do anything to her. *sigh* Poor Elena.
I think the story is going really well and each chapter has a lot of mystery in it (which by the way, is killing me). The mystery is never ending I suppose. Really good job with the chapter! It flowed smoothly and the story just keeps getting better and better.
Jacob is stupid, Elena will never call him,
Izzy xxAuthor's Response: Hi Izzy,
So it's terrible that I haven't even responded to some of your earlier reviews. But I'm catching up now!
Haha, yeah, jogging in heels, now that you mention it, is probably a bit unrealistic, especially considering that it's winter/snowy. But lets go with magic high heels? Okay? :)
I can see how Elena's behavior seems odd. Jacob is a creep, but I think that she is really unprepared in general. Or more like she's prepared for dark magic not some creepy guy.
Corinne isn't guarded, you're right. I don't know if one is better than the other, but there are definitely pluses and minuses for each. Especially since Corinne is being bitter and not just blunt.
I'm glad that you're enjoying things so far. And the mystery only keeps building from here!
Thanks so much for reviewing!! And you're very right about that last bit. Elena really never would call him.
Haley Report Review
It's me again! I'm sorry it took so long for me to read this. I'm not going to lie--I was putting it off. I didn't want to have to wait for updates! ;] But now, alas, I am here! :D
Continuity: Okay, so I don't really think this a continuity issue, but I couldn't think of a better name for this bullet point. :P I was just thinking it was a little strange that Alice conjured a chair and a sofa when they're IN a furniture store. It was just a little silly, haha.
Characterization: Okay! We have Elena. Elena...the brave, terrified, strong, crumbling, perfect Elena. She's such a mass of contradictions, but I adore her. I think you've created such a realistic woman that is going through so many difficult things. I respect her, which is an impressive thing to feel towards a fictional character. Then we have Simon who I personally think is acting really bizarrely. He's not usually that...cross? So I'm wondering what's going on with that. Then we have Corinne who's great, as usual. I like that she's got such fire in her, but she still gets scared when faced with things she doesn't completely understand. And our dear Moody is perfectly on par. Anddd...oh! Alice and Frank. DON'T GET TORTURED INTO CRAZINESS, I LOVE YOU. Well...I know I'm not going to get my way with that one, sadly. :[
Descriptions: I loved how you described the smoke and the fire. I really felt like I could see it and feel it. Really dramatic. Well done.
Emotions: I think I might have liked to see more of Elena's fear or confusion throughout their preparation for the battle and when they were searching for Simon. I got some of it, but I think there are certain points where it can be emphasized even more.
Plot: Ahhh! WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN? WRITE MORRE! I hate that I have to wait for updates now, haha. I'm so in love with this story. Of course, you HAVE to rerequest when you write more. I'll die if I don't know how this story ends. ANYWAY. I liked the scene where Corinne decided really abruptly to go looking for her partner. She's a very loyal person and I like that. And then Elena's mention of why they weren't using bubble-head charms! Great! I was actually wondering why they weren't, and then my question was answered! :D And now they're preparing for a battle with psychotic Death Eaters. I'm freaking out! I can't wait to see what happens next.
Interactions: I was sadly disappointed in how Simon acted towards Elena in this chapter. What a jerk. I'm wondering if there's more of a reason for that, though. Hmmm. We'll see! :] And I love the Alice/Frank moments, even if they depress me since I know that their happiness isn't going to last! Because I honestly think this is sticking to canon. I'm FREAKING OUT. As I've mentioned. ;]
Style: BEAUTIFUL. WONDERFUL. SPECTACULAR. AMAZING. PERFECT. MORE ADJECTIVES. yeah.
I cannot waittt to see what happens! Congratulations on your TA status! You're doing absolutely beautifully. I love this story. So, so much. :D Request more when it's written. I'll never get sick of reading this story. :D
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hello!
(again apologies for how long it's taken to reply -hides-)
Oh. Yep. That is a very valid continuity issue. I will go back and reread it, but maybe the other ones were broken down/burnt?
Ahh ♥ Seriously I am so honored/humbled that you feel this way about these characters. yeah. so. no words. or i'll get too emotional or something.
I will try to fix the emotions-- This chapter is already pretty long, right? So I didn't want to bog it down with over sentimentalizing stuff. But yeah, Elena is worried and I do want that to come across.
I feel terrible that I have been so bad about updating. But there are 2 chapters beyond what you have reviewed, I think, now. And they are two long chapters! And I have another one in the works! I will send you an apology PM/check to see if your review thread is still around :) Because I know there's little chance you'll see this response on your own.
Yeah, Simon's behavior is hopefully explained soon. Though if he's being too too terrible, I may need to edit that, because I don't want people to start hating him.
Adjectives to describe you: BEAUTIFUL. WONDERFUL. SPECTACULAR. AMAZING. PERFECT. ♥
Thank you again, so so much for the review. It's utterly appalling that I didn't respond sooner. I can't even make more excuses! And thank you so much for your support of this story--it means the absolute world to me as an author!!
It's unfortunately true: police work is mostly boring and dead ends xD Paisley and mustard, Merlin, I wonder what this apartment looks like! A collection of badly colored curtains, perhaps :P
OR NOT SO MUCH OF A DEAD END! Is that why the furniture's so ugly? It's just storage space? xD But ooh, loot! Auugh I feel like someone's just going to pop in out of nowhere (and since they're wizards, they *totally can*). Auuugh well, nothing did, but Corinne isn't back and I have a feeling that something's bad going to happen to her ;A; Unless I'm just overly used to being jumpy at things hee.
Discretion is vital! Aha! There are so many mysterious figures abounding; once you figure out one (or go through the paisley apartment of one), out pops another! Me with my incessant need for answers and tied ends would be so frustrated in this line of work.
OHOHO I KNEW IT. I was wondering if Simon would take notice AND SO HE DID. Awh I love that he transforms in the middle of that. T'was a nice touch to the scene.
♥!Author's Response: Hello Gina. So. This is my second very (very very very very.very) late response. Much ♥ to you if you ever read this.
Haha, don't all hotels/apartments/rented rooms have ugly curtains/furniture by definition?
Overly jumpy at things is good. Like, cause then you think, oh nothing is going to happen, I am just over reacting and being overly jumpy and then you calm down and -then- stuff jumps out at you. (Not that I"m spoiling my own plot or anything...) ;)
Ahhh yeah. If you have an incessant need for ends to be quickly tied than you should not read this story. The alternate title is basically "And the Mystery Compounds." Or something catchier. Because there are always more questions! ("Why is there such ugly furniture?" "Why did Elena have to wear ridiculously unpractical heals, instead of just plain unpractical ones?" "Is it unpractical or impractical?")
Simon's job is to notice things. Though is it his job to react like that? That is the the question, right? Hee.
Whenever I respond to your reviews, my review responses go from dignified to me giggling gleefully at my computer. ♥
Girls on the town! Kind of. Not quite as fun when it's on a job, I suppose, nor in ridiculously impractical heels.
D: eeww Jacob. I mean I got creep vibes from him but dang, he is a real bonafide creep like ugh I feel like I need to wash myself after reading about him. There seems to be a lot of him, plus Elena's got his phone number -- he doesn't secretly know something, does he? :0 Ergh, what if they need to talk to him again? D: I can see why she was hesitant to use magic though, being in the middle of a club and all.
Aw, Elena, you'll get the hang of it eventually. Cor's just yanking you around on a leash, eh? haaa, I feel like I must be the only one who actually likes Corinne. She is just so good at her job 8D COMPETENCE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PLEASANTRIES!
Onwards!Author's Response: Oh hai Gina. (it-has-been-too-long-and-i-should-have-responded-way-way-sooner-sorry-forgive-me-have-a-biscuit?)
Hee, kind of. But you know, costumes. They have to pretend like it's girls on the town.
Yeah, so creepy. Ugh ugh. I mean, those are the questions, right? And yeah, Elena's like, are you just a creepy guy, or are you a creepy evil guy? There's a difference given the context.
Haha no. Corinne is secretly awesome, I think. Like everyone (or at least me) wants to be that kind of (w)itch sometimes. But I can't actually be mean. So I just write characters who can be. Because really competence is sometimes very BA.
♥ Haley Report Review
Simon had the look of a pureblood, but that sort of phrase was normally only heard from the mouths of muggleborns, or academics. Ah! I like that little detail you added in, 'cause I always love magic-blood details. It's such a big division in wizarding culture so I like when there's subtle differences in stuff like dialogue.
Omgah ahaha, THE QUILL. "Never understands that I like to have a go at the bureaucracy sometimes.” Deffo love magic 8D
OMG HIS LAST NAME IS BURKE XD AHAHA HOW DID I MISREAD THAT. You must've thought I was so silly. Heh, Elena, when is cafeteria food ever good? You'd think with magic, they'd learn to master cooking spells by now or something. Snerk, Twiddling, what a name. Someone should tell Twiddling that rudely calling others rude is rude -nods-
Wizards and their extraneous e's, lolol. It seems Elena's been getting more comfortable around the Ministry then? She's been a little bit passive, though understandably, but I'd love to see more of her helping them out, to keep things on the situation at hand and make Elena seem a little more useful. Hee, Simon and cor hate reading. Such aurors. I can imagine Harry and Ron complaining of that too when they gets up there 8DAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'm glad you liked that bit :) I feel like magical blood heritage (or whatever you call it) is often so hyped up. I thought it would be interesting to see the perspective of someone like Elena, who it doesn't really matter to all that much. She is neither a victim of discrimination because she is not pure blood, nor is she the one discriminating against non pure bloods.
Haha, yes, Simon's last name is Burke. I never said it out right, so it's fine that you missed it. And really, Elena has too high expectations for cafeteria food. You would think food would taste better, but I feel like that it takes time even to use magic to make food. So faster food = cheaper = grosser. Haha, yes, if only.
Haha, so funny story. Some of those book names are canon, but when I was looking up book titles, I realized that there really are tons of extra letters thrown on to words. It's a bit funny actually, cause that sort of spelling with extra letters to make things seem like magic isn't normally JKR's style, haha. Anyhow. Yes, Elena will be more useful. Or she'll try to be. Right now, she's a bit afraid to get in the way, and Corinne especially isn't exactly encouraging her to step up to the challenge xD Also, I know, haha. Really, I feel like Aurors are not ones for book learning. That would be a great scene--Harry and Ron making some comments about how they aren't in school anymore. But, books -can- be helpful, and so they have to read. :D
Thanks for the review! And thanks for putting up with my disjointed review replies xD Report Review
Hee, the beginning's so cute. Like how Elena's so hesitant to ask about Corinne, and the question sounds stupid, but she has to ask. I would so do that.
Oooh. The Longbottoms. My knowledge of Pre-Hogwarts is quite shifty, so I don't quite remember's who's alive/sane and who isn't at this point and time. Good to see them show. And AH! SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER! I think that scene where they tell her about his death could be a little more showy with the emotions rather than telling, just to be a bit more powerful.
A CHASE! I was a little confused at first at what they were running from -- just a mention of a shadow or a flash of a mask to indicate another presence would be enough. Maybe a bit more description around the explosion as well. Action scenes are terrifyingly hard, but I was worried for everyone's life, wondering if there'd be a casualty early (which is good!).
Ahh, I wonder what Corinne and Simon were arguing about :0 what's Burke? Old case?!
Welp, it's late! I'll keep reading tomorrow! ^__^Author's Response: Haha :D Yeah, that has definitely happened to me--asking a question, and then realizing after that it sounded stupid, and maybe it would have been better not to. But I agree, Corinne hasn't shown her self to be one who is subtle in any shape or form, haha.
Yep, the Longbottoms were still sane when the Potters were killed. But honestly, in most cases, Post-First-War/Pre-Hogwarts dates are not the clearest. Like, which Death Eaters died/were captured before the Potters, which after. And finding times, beyond before or after is pretty impossible. Yay for canon research :D And then yay for creative license because there is nothing to show who Alice's parents were. :)
Okay, so I will try to clarify the emotions and the chase, at first. Rereading this, I feel like my writing of action scenes has improved some, so another edit of this chapter seems to be in order :)
Burke is Simon. Simon Burke. I see from your next review though that you've got that now. But I'll try to make sure it's clear in the chapter :D
Thanks so far for all the lovely reviews Gina! ♥ Report Review
Bwah, random thought but I was totally wondering about the practicality of charming teacup to dance. How can that ever be useful? xD
Snort, Corinne. I kind of see Elena as looking very meek - as she herself described as trembling in the face of war. But cmon Corinne, she's a healer. Blood? Pffft.
OH MY GOD. THAT FACE OFF INTERROGATION. Wow, I totally didn't expect that xD It started out a bit slow, but when you got to “How could I trust anyone who spiked my water with Veritaserum?” I was like, ohhh snap. I like, how in this quiet way, Elena is take charge too. There are a few times where I think the mood doesn't match up. A bit like where Elena mentions Corinne could have been her friend in the middle of the interrogation. I thought it took me out of the tenseness of 'the Minister is dead and this is serious, top-secret business' for a moment. Bwaha, but I love the antidote bit. I’d rather be a (witch) and alive, than an angel and dead I knew I liked this woman.
They had, however, been inexplicably missing during the attack, a fact that both Corinne and Simon couldn’t seem to stomach. Ooh, so it's on Simon and Corinne's head! No wonder no one else knows!
Ahh Elena making her choice. I can feel it all weighty. When she informs the family, this broke my heart: “Does this have to do with Oliver?” she said. “Have you heard anything from him?” :c she must always be hoping. AND THEN THIS AW SECOND BREAK OF THE HEART: “You can’t,” Elizabeth’s voice was the loudest. “Darling, I can’t have another child gone.”
Even though the last scene is just an explanation scene, I like how you began it, especially around here: Elena was left standing alone, feeling rather out of place in the familiar halls. She's definitely changed and she's departing a piece of her past life even if it's only for a month (for now).
Back to the mystery!Author's Response: Haha. I guess it's just a rather random test of skills. I'd say that Corinne is not the most creative person when it comes to making up tests. She is practical, but she doesn't think that Elena would know anything useful.
Elena isn't brave in the sense of a daredevil. But she doesn't lose her head when she's healing. And she sort of shows that in that interrogation. She might not normally say it, but if she has to be honest, she'll say what she's thinking. Oh, hmm, looking back that friend comment I probably forgot to take out in an edit--whoops. It really makes no sense anymore. But yeah--that whole comment basically sums up how Corinne sees herself.
I know :( Poor Elena's family. Elena does care about her parents but she also has a bit of sense of duty (as cheesy as that sounds) so she feels like she has to help.
Thanks again for the review! And, of course, you're right--back to the mystery!
You did that thing with description I really like, where all my senses are piqued, and I can feel and hear and smell the setting. So mysterious with the mysterious voices D: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE. Elena revving to apparate away, yes be prepared girl. I like that she does not want to be there, and that she's treating this as 'okay, I'm with potentially really dangerous people'.
Omg, I actually really like that other woman, Corinne. She is so take charge, and it's like, she clearly has her own agenda of things, because it's not like she wants to drag in unnecessary people. Simon's clearly messed up or something of that sort. Or the matter seems to justify a bit of her harshness.
She could have summed up the situation many ways, but none of the others would have been quite as succinct or accurate. HEEE, I like this little wit.
Awwwh, Elena thinking of her family :c and even when she's emotional, I can sort of see her detached way of looking at it, like it's a responsibility. Sometimes I think it her thoughts sound a little over-explained and wordy though. Leaving a bit more to the reader's imagination is just fine ^__^
Mmhmm, Corinne is totally super in charge. When the minister dies, I don't expect there's much time to be nice, nope. Especially when your partner can't even brew a Polyjuice. C'mon, Hermione could! I like her and Simon's banter :D
Ahh in canon, Polyjuice of the dead means they'll change into the dead bodies, correct? I suppose it's just a minor canon change then, unless I'm wrong. Oooh, I wonder if Elena's supposed to "autopsy" the body, or whatever the wizard equivalent is, and figure out what killed him. Forensic drama!
Now to find out how she'll react!Author's Response: Hello!
I'm glad you liked the descriptions--I like figuring out what to describe--what's important, depending on the mood of the chapter. Though I agree that 'mysterious' is the best descriptive word, at this point xD And Elena is definitely trying to get out of there, like any non-crazy person.
Not to give away too much, but let's just say that Simon wasn't being the smartest when he just decided to grab Elena. Corinne has a lot more common sense, and can keep her head.
Little wit, that is the only kind of wit I can manage. Except for sarcasm (Corinne likes sarcasm).
Okay, I will look at that. Elena does -think- a lot. So it is totally possibly I got a bit carried away.
Really? I didn't remember that...where does it say that? (Not that I don't trust you, my canon knowledge is by no means perfect). I know that in GoF, it says that if you die under Polyjuice, you keep the form of whomever you transformed into (cause that's what Barty Jr. and his mom did). But I didn't know that it had that effect too. (I mean I knew that Barty Jr. kept Moody alive, but he said it because he needed that hair and cause he needed to study Moody). I will check my CoS book though. (And while forensic drama would be quite awesome, the intention is to transform into a living minister).
Anyways, thanks again for the review! Your reviews quite amusing to read =D
Mmm yes, I can get Elena a bit on the whole 'rather be on her own' thing. Sometimes a girl's just gotta go on autopilot on her own life and make things simpler when everything else is complicated, even if she feels slightly guilty for neglecting her family and friends in the process.
I like the little bits of details you put into her appearance, because it's like the sort of details I would want to hear and isn't overtly gratuitous, though I think it's a bit too much at once in the beginning. You could probably spread it out all around slipping details here and there!
Ooh, Elena is such a bamfy professional. She doesn't feel cold at the same time, which I like, just very tired. Total kudos to writing a medical scene because I toootally can't grasp writing those, but your scenes look just like a medical drama in my mind xD
OOOH, mystery. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MYSTERIOUS MAN D: WHY ARE YOU BEING MYSTERIOUS. I think I would've even liked an even more urgent sense of... urgency (my words, what are they), but I do like Elena's handling of the situation, sort of just tired and snappish and like /stop grabbing me mysterious man/.
AND HE'S DEAD D: HE'S DEAD JUST LIKE THAT. OMG WHY IS THE MINISTER BEING MYSTERIOUS TOO? Okay granted he was kind of dying, but oh dear, what have you gotten yourself into, Elenaaa? If I were her, I would be utterly terrified and totally think this mysterious man was totally evil. Wouldn't even give him a chance to explain himself xD (oops, I see a typo: hoping her wouldn't notice is she pressed it.) GOOD SHE PRESSED THE BUTTON. Sensible girl. But, well, I suppose that can only help her so much from being dragged away :P
Aaand LET US FIND OUT WHAT IS UP!Author's Response: Hola.
Yes, you're right about that bit. Elena doesn't really know how to handle much beyond her own life, at times.
Okay, I will try to redistribute descriptions. Thank you for mentioning that. :)
Medical scenes are fun to write, especially with Wizards because you don't have to worry about reality. Need a spell that can stop an injury, check. Need an injury that can't be cured by a spell, check. (it's like cheating only not).
Mystery Man (aka Simon) is being mysterious. I see your point about more heart racing drama/urgency being needed. Elena maybe is quite scared of the situation yet though. Like, she's used to dealing with crazy relatives of patients (and she doesn't know that Simon isn't a relative, really) and she's kinda shocked herself.
"Granted he was kind of dying" hahaha. Yes, that is true. But he still gets to be mysterious, wouldn't want Simon steal all the mystery. Elena is sort of floundering, yeah, but she was more doing a bad job at stalling than facilitating him. (And oops, a double typo!)
Yes, there is more to be found. And more reviews to respond to :) Report Review
HULLO. Utterly late, but I am here xD I wanted to read it this weekend, but then blargh work took over like work likes to do.
Beginning with an explosion. This sounds like my kind of fic already 8D Poor boy, swallowing marbles. Wizard marbles can't ever be a good idea. I like this already ~shaken-up~ sort of intro, jumping right into a tense atmosphere at least in Elena's mind. Oh, by the way, you totally cast her perfectly I think because I see Rachel Weisz perfectly. I love how you described her using uncooked beef and potato (omg, smack on the head for the boyfriend xD), but especially because it contrasts with the wine and pomegranate that she is not.
Ah, a workaholic to distract herself, eh? So she's that type of a gal. Very routined. Being a Healer takes up her whole life it seems, heee, and no patience for a little kid. LITTLE OLLIE. I shall be excite for him. AND NOW HE APPEARS AND HE IS CUTE. Bwahhh, you're good with children after all. Or maybe it's Oliver's charm. He can charm even when he's like 3 feet tall.
“so like Daddy then.” ;A; Ollie bb. And aww, she really is dedicated. But she needs a Christmas still :c
Onwards!Author's Response: Oh hai :)
Ha, you would like the explosions &hearts: And yes, poor wizard children. They can't be like Muggle children, because even inanimate objects can be dangerous xD
I'm glad you like the casting :) Rachel Weisz is maybe a little bit old, I realize, but that's how movie casting works anyways, right? Also, no wonders he's her -ex-boyfriend, after comments like that.
Yep, Elena is a bit of workaholic. But I think it is also to help herself forget about all the war and all the bad things she had to see because of it. And yes, little Ollie. He is the token cute-little-kid. Because how could a baby Oliver not be cute?
Thanks for the review!! &hearts: Report Review
It's me again! I can't believe I only have one more chapter left to read after this and then I have to wait for updates...oh wow.
Characterization: Okay, as always, we'll start here. I feel like I'm always repeating just how much I love your characters...but I'm going to repeat it again. I LOVE your characters. Best OCs I've read in fanfiction ever. Actually...this might be the best-written story I've ever read. Wow! I loved Elena in this chapter (as always). I think she was definitely on par with how I think she would act. And my dear Simon was perfect. I love how nonchalant he was trying to be to get Elena to calm down. And then he sent her out before him to keep her safe! Aww. AND HE HAD BETTER BE ALL RIGHT. I will die if he does. ;] Not really. That's ridiculous. Let's see...Alastor's new here! And I think you definitely captured his character. I barely ever see him in fanfiction, so this was cool.
Descriptions: Ahh, you just have this spectacular style that brings the entire story to life. My heart is always racing and I'm always able to follow what's happening as if I were there. I love that. I think you could add a few facial expressions in there, but other than that, terrifically perfect. :D
Emotions: I think the emotions you express through your writing are beautiful. The only part where I felt it might have benefitted from a bit "more" was when Simon is sending Elena outside to run for help/get to safety. To me, that was a really emotional moment, but I didn't feel too much from the actual characters...
Plot: Well! Drama, drama, drama! Simon had better be okay! The longer this story goes on, though, the more I think that he and Elena are going to die by the end. :[ I loved that Alastor was brought in. Cool! Well done!
Interactions: Loved all the Simon/Elena moments, unsurprisingly. I think you handle them beautifully. Their dynamic is so touching. It's spectacular. So realistic. :D
Style: Gorgeous, as always. You know that. I adore this story. I adore how you write. Every character is unique and beautiful and wonderful. And I love this. Okay, rant done. :D
Terrific job! I'll read more soon. You're doing spectacularly, as always.
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hi!
Wow, I can't believe how much of Vital you've read! You're, simply speaking, awesome :) And when you do review chapter 20, I will maybe be more motivated to update. I've been being a bit lazy about writing for the past few weeks. And I need to start up again.
Thank you so, so much. It's wonderful to hear how much you love my characters. That's such a huge compliment, because for me, characters are something that can make or break a story. Elena and Simon interacting is also very fun to write, because they are both their own characters alone, but when they're together, the whole dynamic of how they both act totally changes. Simon is, obviously, protective, and Elena is more confident, I would say.
For descriptions, I do see your point about adding in facial expressions. While I like writing descriptions, I'm not always the best at balancing different types. I don't want too many because I don't want to compromise the pacing, but I don't want too few. Same thing really goes for emotions as well. But I suppose that's an issue all writers face :)
You've got that right: drama! Wow, that's a very interesting perspective. I promise this doesn't give away anything that happens in the future of this story, but the more I write characters and become attached to them, the harder it is to think about them dying/getting hurt. Even if I know it has to happen. (Seriously I promise, no spoilers about anything in the future: I felt the same way about having Elena's brother Oliver die--I knew it was necessary, but it was hard to have to write about a character going through that).
So, seriously, I don't know how to respond to all this praise -blushes- It's definitely a huge confidence booster to hear that you appreciate a story that I've spent so much time writing. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ♥
--Haley Report Review
Another interesting chapter ^_^ I thought your writing was great - the setting at the ministry was really well established and it was interesting to see how confident Simon was - and the process they had to go through to get Elena on board and get other supplies. It all felt very realistic - I'm slightly curious as to why exactly they need books, but I suppose I'll find out soon! The misty book feels like something that would be there too - that was a creative idea!
I'm surprised Elena is adjusting so well with the complete change of scene and what they're doing. Am I the only one slightly feeling the Simon/Elena vibe? :P Brilliant writing! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Hi! Sorry about not responding to this sooner!
I'm glad that you liked this chapter. It's a bit less serious than the other ones, and perhaps one where Elena can relax a little bit more, though there is always danger, as the book shows.
I suppose that she is adjusting fast, considering. But I think that she trying to be confident, to prove that she can do it.
Again, I really appreciate the review Charlotte!! Thanks :D Report Review
Hello there! It's me again. :]
Plot: I want to start here since everything is just blowing up in this story. I cannot wait to read the battle scene. I hope no one dies! :[ I really loved how emotional this chapter got. Everything's starting to come together...I love it!
Characterization: Okay! We have our wonderful Elena. She's so terrific. I love that she's got such courage, but she still knows that she's not a warrior. And I loved how emotional things got for her. You're showing her journey and her trials really well. I love it. As for Corinne, I thought she was great. I liked when she took the initiative to get Simon to talk to Elena, even though he didn't want to. And lovely Simon! I adored that he finally started opening up to Elena. And his explanation of why he turned her over was perfect. I knew he wasn't betraying her!
Descriptions: Hmm...I think this chapter could do with some physical-detail sprucing up, but the emotional details were spectacular. I loved the feelings rushing through this, especially when Elena had to tell her parents that her brother is dead. I felt so sad for them all! :[
Interactions: SIMON/ELENA MOMENTS. I LOVE THEM! :D Really, I adored it. I love that their relationship is so emotional, and less physical at this point. It shows the devotion they have to each other. After all, they have been through a lot together.
Style: So beautiful. I loved when I could see the sadness that Elena was feeling. And the way you write just brings this story to life. It's so professional and gorgeous. I applaud you.
Wonderful job. I'll read the next chapter soon!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hi Emily!
Again, sorry for the rather belated review response.
Didn't I tell you there would be an explanation from Simon? I hope that it cleared things up, regarding his motivations for turning her in, etc. And what would Elena and Simon do without Corinne helping them along, right?
Alright, I do see your point about adding in those physical descriptions. I was trying not to overdo it in this chapter, because there was a lot of emotion, but I will go back and try to edit things a bit. :)
Yes, Simon and Elena. As a couple? Or something, maybe, sort of (haha). You're right that there is lots of emotion in their relationship, which considering all that they've been through makes some sense, as you said.
Thank you so much! I'm glad that you're still enjoying reading this story, and that you've read so much already. I feel terrible, again, for not responding sooner, because that makes it look like I don't appreciate your reviews, but I promise that isn't the case!
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