Wow, your writing as a beautiful voice! This is some of the best quality stuff I've read on this site! Fantastic imagery, fantastic word choice. Report Review
Ah so you can ignore me then! I just reviewed about some weird wording in one of your chapters, but as I began to read another story, I realized the problem is with my computer, not yours.
So sorry about bothering you. Keep writing. Fantastic work!Author's Response: im not sure if i im entire free of randomness, i tend to make lots of typos and stuff. Sure, i had never written about pain in ones underwear before (wow, every time i think abput that i cant keep the smile off my face!) but i'll be sure to read over the chapter anyway.
You can never be too careful when it comes to grammar and typos. Report Review
I'm really enjoying this rewrite. Much better pace and interactions between characters.
But you might want to go through and edit this chapter. You keep saying "purse" instead of face, "underwear" instead of voice, and "banana" instead of wand. You even said "big toe" instead of (what I assume) was supposed to be mouth. Also the words "eyebrowure" and "peyebrow" popped up more than once, but I'm not really sure what they're supposed to mean.
My favorite lines being: "...even after she left go of Anyas garden shed." and "Heard the pain in her mothers underwear.."
There was a few more mistakes as well, but those listed above are the most frequent. It was a good chapter, the argument played out nicely, but the mistakes were a little distracting.Author's Response: hi there. Ive gotta say, i laughed so much when i read about the mistakes that i had tears in my eyes. God, 'when she heard the pain in her motthers underwear'... It was so weird because i was so mortified i wanted to die, but at the sa,e time it was too funny. Banana instead of wand... You must have had a good laugh, or at least i hope you did. With the mood of the chapter so serious and the wording so random, i can only imagine your reaction :D
but, im glad that you are enjoying the edited version and that you think its better. Its basically the same story, i just realized that it needed a little more mobility between the characters and events, some more action. I am still not too pleased with the result, but im working on it. Im happy you liked this chapter as well, despite the whole werd-word and stuff.
Thank you for reaidng again by the way, i apriciate youtaking that efford more than i can say
i hope you enjoy the rest. Report Review
pweeassse keep writing! its amazing!(::Author's Response: im so happy you like it, thank you so much!
I am writinf, albeit slowly, into the next chapter. I hope you like that one as much as you did the rest.
Thank you for reviewing. Report Review
Anya's going to break out of her perfectionism, lose control a little bit?
I loved her reply to the kid who "asked her out" when she was trying to get Alicia to leave. It was quick and witty and harsh, and I absolutely adored it.
She seems to have a lot of ghosts, a lot of fears though, doesn't she? Her relationship with her mother certainly seems strained, though there could be many reasons for that, especially considering the fact that she is in hiding.
Keep up the good work!
~CassieAuthor's Response: hey there again.anya breaking out of her state of mind is one of the main pointsi tried to make.i want to chnge her,i want her to become something different,but first of all,i need to buil her initial character befor i can break her. Yeah she does have alot of ghosts and especially fears,im counting and those to trap her. I really and to use her weaknesses against her,thats why i have tried to make her as flawed as possible. Her relationship with her mother is one major point in this story...and to think i was almos about to cut it out.thank you againfor pointin out that its a plus and not a drawback. Your reviews came at a very bad time in my life,i was unsure even about keeping this story here,i just wanted to delete it.and you couldnt knot it of course,but your reviews,and those of other people who liked this story,kept me afloat.
Ive practically edited and rewritten the whole story,but its still here! :D so thank you for your words. Report Review
I really really liked that you had some more description of Anya in this chapter, though I must admit you have me intrigued about what she could be hiding from. It's an interesting concept.
Alicia is a character, huh? She certainly is more boisterous and out there than Anya is, I can tell that and it is only the second chapter.
That really wasn't a very good date that Anya had through, was it? I'm glad that she got herself looking nice in order to go break it off with him, it always makes things better, doesn't it?
I'm intrigued by her relationship with her mother, that's for sure!
~CassieAuthor's Response: HI again! Ah, the description, the bane of my life. You hav eno idea how many times i have written and editen and re-written thise first few chapters, until it got to hte point where i wrote the whole story over (partially)
But Im so happy that you like my main character. And her relationship with her mother is such a major point. You reviews were one of the reasons why i kept those parts in the chapters when i was editing, because it got me thiking of how much i wanted that art of Anya to be in this story and how strongly seh was defined by her relationship with her mum. So thank you for saying that - the reason this story still has Katherine so much in it is mostly because of these words you wrote here.
I love writing Alicia too, she is such fun. Where Anya is sober and dark, Alicia is exuberant and completely projected on the outisde. they are so different, but it think they work as freinds... most of the time. Report Review
I'm SO SO sorry it took me so long to get here. I have a million excuses I could give, but none of them really matter. I really am sorry though.
I was so excited when I started reading this story. I love Marauder's generation, and I haven't read a story about them in the longest time.
You have a really interesting concept here, of a witch who doesn't really want to be at Hogwarts. I don't think I've ever read something like this before, which is a difficult feat, becase I've spent a lot of my life reading fan fiction.
I love Anya. I think that she is a really interesting and unique character, and I can't wait to see what happens next chapter!
~CassieAuthor's Response: Hi. Im sorry Im responding so late. I have help off from this site for a long time, it's not been the best periods of my life lately. Thank you so much for your reviews, I really do apriciate you taking the time.
Trying to make Anya her own character is what i spend most of this story on. I wanted to come up with an OC that was different and the more i thought about it the more seh shaped up. I hope you liked the rest of her... she can be difficult sometimes :P Report Review
Hi! Here with your review darling!
I really want to start out by saying I don't know much about dance. I'm more of a softball kind of girl, but I was intrigued by how you included the dancing and how it is such a large part of her life!
It's killing me not to be rattling on about everything, since you wanted me to focus on the pace, but I will try my best!
I think the first chapter was set in a wonderful pace! I love that you didn't throw us directly in the middle of the action. Your characters are going to feel very real and they will be even further beautifully characterized. I think its perfect, the pace. It seems to me like you're very thoroughly introducing the characters and I adore this. I'm a bit miffed that someone said not much happened in 16 chapters, perhaps they needed to look a little deeper? Of course I haven't quite read all 16 chapters yet, but I think for this chapter the pace was perfect. I love the commentary, by the way! I think your style is beautiful and very unique!
As you said you'd like a second opinion, I would love to continue being that second opinion throughout the rest of the story.
I'm really itching to tell you about the rest of the story, you don't mind do you? But I'll wait until you, hopefully!, rerequest. Please do request again...
EverAuthor's Response: Hello there. Thank you so much for taking the time to come around. I am so very very sorry for taking so long in replying. I want you to know, as i told the other reviewer I had left without a reply, that i apriciate every single word you wrote and every moment you spent writing them. I have been absent from the site for a while, probably dreading what i would read here the next time i came on. But Im here now, and happy to be here.
I wanted dance to be a very significant part of her life, but seeing that when i started writingt his story i knew very little about dance myself, I tried to write that part of the story in as much an accessible as as possible, so that even people who didnt know that much about it could understand. I hoped that he occasinal tecnical detail would make it seem more real.
Haha, i know i was so very worried about the pacing, but come on, Im a fanfiction writer, I'm always dying to know about everything else! You really should have let loose and talked about whatever you wanted to, i would have surely loved it :D
I was a bit stunned as well when i read that a reader felt like nothing had happened in 16 chapters, but it opened my eyes, so to speak. I really an happy - and immensly relieved - that in the first chapters Anya's character comes through strong and defined. I wanted that, it was my ultimate goal .I feel that the only way to make a story sound real is if the characters are real. But I had been so concentrated on the realness of me characters that i had forgotten to move on and make them do something, put them in situations that woudl move the story along. I love character development, but everything must have its measure.
I am now editing the story and cutting back on pieces that are not needed, to make it flow a little faster. I would loverequest again, truly, because i still am dying for a second opinion, but i want you to read the updated version of this story, the better one so to speak, becuase i really really dont want to let you down, since you sounded so enthusiastic about this story. I would hate to dissapoint yet another reader.
- Oh, by the way, i loved writing those little comments in Anya's head, they were such fun. i did it to show tha thse is a very passive agressive nature, which will change as the stiry goes on, as another trade of ehr that will evolve as the story progresses.
Again, sorry for the delay in replying, and thank you so much for your insight. I hoe you dont forghet the storyline until when i request again. :D Report Review
Hello! I'm True Author with your requested review! =]
From the way you requested, I thought you are really disturbed by a review you received, so I read this carefully and that's why I'm reviewing after a while.
First of all, I honestly don't think this contains too much descriptions; it's your own style and don't try to change it! =] Alicia is perfectly characterized just like Anya. Their unusual relationship is great. You're moving on a bit slowly, but that is also your own style so don't worry and please don't pay attention to the reviewer. ;)
As for this chapter, I really thought there are unnecessary dialogues at some places, so you should just merge them together at a few places or you can describe the reaction in the form of their facial expressions. That will certainly be better.
I hope this wasn't harsh! I was just trying to help you. Oh and please don't stop writing this. =]Author's Response: Hello there. Allow me please to apologise for the humongus lateness of my reply. Please believe me when i say that It did not come from lack of priciation for your patience in reading my story and for your very nice words, which i deeply apriciate. I was indeed very disturbed by a review i got a while ago (it has been deleted now, probably got reported, though not by myself) and it took me a while to gather the courage to come back to my sotries. It's no exuse, seeing since i had requested your review myself, so again, I apologise.
I am aware that i tend to desribe too much sometimes. I see some things so clearly in my head that i want them to be perfectly clear to the reader as well, and in the process i forghet that sometimes less is more. I have tried to find a balance between description and dialgue, but like you said, sometimes i over do it.
I have already edited some parts out and substituted lines of dialogue with just a few words on facial expressions and such, like you suggested. I am trying to keep my style, but i also want to improve and there is no point in refusing to change and implement critics to my writing - otherise i would never get better. You were not harsh at all, belive me. Im not fragile when it comes to critics, i take them very well and apriciate every word because i take my improvement as a writer seriously. The reason i was so shaken by that review was that it basically said every angle of my story was crap, which can be disheartening even to hte most stuborn of us.
Again, Im sorry for the late reply, and thank you so much for your insight. I will definitely keep writing, promise. Report Review
Can I compliment you on your use of dialogue? It's amazing, can I steal your dialogue talent. It just seemed so... natural and un-forced, you also made them sound like normal humans and not people reading from a movie-script, they still stuttered and made human mistakes. Your dialogue is really good.
That said, nothing much happened in this chapter. You introduced a new character who shares her passion for dancing which was good and you showed the readers some of Anastasia's morals which I loved but that was it.
Also, she is on holidays right now right? Does she do her Ballet classes during the holidays because she can't attend them because she goes to Hogwarts? (I just thought I'd check incase I got it wrong)
Are we going to see the mysterious boy on the motorbike *cough*Sirius*cough* at this club? I'd like to think so :P
I think the pace is coming around nicely. The story, to me, flows naturally and doesn't have huge gaping holes between time periods (which annoys me sometimes).
Feel free to re-request!
Jasmine, xAuthor's Response: Again, I am going to start by apologins profoundly for taking so long in replying, since i felt escecially guilty when i read this review. I hope i have not made you think i am ungrateful for your words, because i am not. I went throught the roof when i read you liked my dialogue. When i started writing that was one of my weakest points and it has taken me a lot of practice to make my characters sound more natural when talkng to each other.
I had noticed that this chapter is a little loose around the edges, so I am editing it as well. The point of this chapter was to introduce Alicia and her repationship with Anya, how they are different and how they fit toghether. When i first wrote it, this chapter and the next one were supposed to be a single chapter but i cut it because i thought it was too long. But now I've changed my mind. I write long chapters, I need to get used to the idea, because cuttingt hem in half interrupts the story and drags it out.
Yeah, Sirius is goign to come on the the next chapters. Him and James, and belive it or not, Regulus as well.
Im relieved you found the pace and the flow ok. I was so concerned when i first requested. I am eidting the story melting chapters toghether and cutting back unnessecary bits, but your reviews helped me decide the keep the first few chapter as they are, so thank you and again, sorry for the lateness of my reply.
You have been most kind and I hope i can reaquest again, as soon as a spot is available in your thread. Report Review
javct45 finally here with your requested review
First off, I'm sorry for taking so long, real life got in the way for the first time since, well, ever!
Now onto the story. I really like the start of this story -- you have given the main character a decent personality (it's not cliche'd so yay for that!) and I adore how original she is; I mean, I don't that I've ever read a story on the archives of someone who wants to do something non-magical when they leave school.
I also love how you have made her a normal teenage girl, especially when she is noticing how mean she is becoming with her thoughts towards her best friend.
I can't comment about the plot so far but can I take a guess at the boy on the motorbike? Sirius Black? I mean, it's a Sirius/OC story and he owns a motorbike! *i'm probably wrong but ah well*
You mentioned in your areas of concern that you wanted to portray your characters before giving them an adventure and I like your thinking. You have defiantly given Anastasia (I love that name by the way!) strong foundations and good ground to work with. I can't wait to see how she turns out :D
The only critique/question I have is, you said in the story that Anastasia before she was out of the Academy. How is that possible because she goes to Hogwarts?
Apart from that it's brilliant! Onto the next chapter!Author's Response: Allow me to start with an apology.
Im so very sorry that i neglected to respond for so long, especially since i was the one who requested the review. You have been very kind in your review and I am mortified for the delay.
Im relieved that you found Anya's character refreshing. I am trying to make her as real as i can by giving her a very flawed personality and making her do stuff that aren't that normal for a witch - hence the fancing.
You're right, the guy on the bike is Sirius of course, and the story is aboutt he two of them.
I wanted with this story to try and write romance, and even though it was my first try at somehting so specific as this, i wanted it to be diferent, and I was trying to do that by writing the story ina certain way - with certain characters that fight against their circumstances. And i thought i coudln't make that sound beliavable if the reader didn't get to kow the character well first. But i have finally reached the concusion that i have to speed things alon more.
Anya follows the summer courses of the Academy, and goes to Hogwarts teh rest of the year, but she practices every second she gets in the castle (she has a basic curriculum that gives her more free time than the typical Hogwarts student) - that is explained more in teh later chapters.
Again, I am so sorry for the delay in replying and I thnk you heartedly for the review. I hope i have the chance to request again. Report Review
Hello! It's True Author with your requested review! =]
First of all, I must say that I especially liked this story because I didn't find a single grammar and punctuation mistake! Your beta reader must be really good or you must be good at grammar. I always love grammatically perfect chapters like this one. So well done!
I also liked the way you're writing this. You're writing the story from a third person and you're doing it very well. The reader perfectly understands Anya's feelings from the beginning. Writing in third person is always a bit difficult and I personally don't try it much! ;)
Another thing I liked is the first paragraph. I never thought about the animals they transfigure! It's good you're thinking about them so much. I never read this fact in any other story.
But still, I would like to suggest one thing. I think you should write about Anya's background, so the reader will be more interested in plot from the start. I think, a normal reader will find the first paragraph a bit boring. (I didn't! ;)
Anyways, I liked this story so feel free to rerequest!Author's Response: Hi! You've got to know, you must be the first EVER reviewer to comment positively on my grammar. that is so NOT my strongerst point, in fact, i suck at it, because i make sooo many mistakes when i write. But i have had this chapter betaed and rewritten it so many many times that now it's been cleared out.
I usually write in third and sometimes second -person since i find first person to be difficult. I like switching point of views and i feel that a story told in first person doesn't give me as much freedom to manouver.
Yeah, transfiguring animals into objects always seemed a little cruel to me, and it sounded like something my character would think, since she is not that fond of magic anyway.
There is more information about Anya's bacground in the next chapter but i have kept the real details hidden for most of this story, because of the way i write. I have kinda chosen this moment in time to start the story and everything about the character unfolds as the characters lives through things, to avoid putting too much information out for the reader. My thinking was that it would keep the curiosity alive, and also help the reader identify with Anya on a more emotional level, as a person with these thoughts in this moment, but without a specific history.
Anyway, thank you for your review, Im so very very happy that you liked the first chapter and i hope to be able to request again. :D Report Review
u put wayy too much dialogue and description sometimes... could u just move on with the story??
the only exciting thing tht has happened in 16 CHAPTERS is anya running away.Author's Response: hi there. I write a lot of dialogue because i am very serious about the whole 'show not tell' thing, but apparently i have over dont it a bit. I always go to extremes, it's a flaw of mine... But i have taken your advice to heart - mostly because I too feel that i am drawing this out. I have started editing the story (cut out almost 20.000 words) I did that because of another reviwer was of your same idea, though not quite as poliely as you - and cutting out the parts that dont help it move along. Im going to update the shorter version once Im finished and i promise that Im goign to bear in mind to be more 'to the point' when i write again.
thank you for the advice, i sincerely apriciate it - and also, thank you so much for reading this far. dont give up on this story yet, im really trying to do my best. Report Review
I'm really enjoying this story! And it makes me extra excited now that the action is picking up and more information is being revealed.
One little thing I would like to point out is that sometimes you forget to add the contraction part to a word (like saying "should" instead of "shouldn't"). I sometimes get confused and have to reread a sentence a couple of times until I realized what's up.
Also, you should pay attention to your uses of "though" and "thought." Haha that one little 't' at the end can get ya.
But please! Update soon! I'm ready to read more.Author's Response: Hi there.
Im so glad that you like the story and thank you for not giving up on it, despite my inconstant updates. The story is definitely going to pick up from now, and hopefully, Im going to be good with the action thing... still shivering when i think about it ;P
I'm so sorry about the grammar and typos, I know it's not my forte. I always edit the chapters myself, but once Im finished writing one, i just can't sti still until i post it - so the editing comes afterwards. It's impractical i know, and the errors detract from the story, but one of my many faults is impatience...
Yeah, the 't-s' are always squirmish arounud me :D
I'm writing the new chapter as we speak, and hopefully, you're gonna love it. Im keeping my fingers crosssed! X_X Report Review
Please write more! I love ur story!Author's Response: Thank you, Im so very happy that you enjoy the story. I was so unsure of the las chapter i posted that i ended up writing it all over again almost from beginig to end, changingthe whole thing. The last two chapters in this story are completely edited, i hope you get around to checking themout again.
Thank you so much for reading and sticking aorund with this story. I know Im not the most regular updater, and Im sorry for that, but i hope i can make it up to all you guys who keep reading with the next few chapters.
Thank you again and I hope you like the rest :) Report Review
First off, I love your story. Your style of writing is amazing.
I think you handled the Sirius/Anya interaction quite nicely. Anya would ignore him until it was absolutely unavoidable.
I hope you update again soon.
M.K.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much, Im really happy that you like this story and the way i tell it :) Im also glad that you like the way the last chapter was written, but I've been having more and more second thoughts about it. Maybe I'll rewrite it and change the whole thing, i'm not sure yet...
Im so sorry that I haven't updated in so long, my life has been difficult lately and I haven't had the inspiration to write anything worth posting.
Thank you again for the lovely review. Report Review
oh wow... I felt so connected with Anya in the first passages, about Cloe and the others and that she would never be anything like them... and boys who would love them, could never love her. these are so my thoughts :) its a shame...
and wow she really gave it to these girls. My guess is on developing some disorder. genuis and craziness are so close sometimes.Author's Response: Oh you just made my dream come true! You have no idea what it means (or maybe you do, i dont know...) to have a reader say that they connect with the character. I makes me feel like Ive done such a good job in describing her to you! I was really hoping for the idea of that subtle jelousy and resentment to come through and Im so so happy that it did for you! :D You've made me a very happy girl, so thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I really hope you like the rest of it!
Thanks again for reading and reviweing.
Ps: I think Im practically responding to you in real time as you read, it feels almost like having a conversation ;) Report Review
So my second review on chapter five. loved the last one, though it was hard to put the normal anya and the dancing anya in one person. I think she recognised him, didnt she? and even though she managed such harsh words at him! - I'm really trying to figure out all those girl scences, I hope they will make sense in the end, cause they're exhausting in reality and exhausting in fiction ;) always this blaaabla
looking forward for more marauder action!Author's Response: The fourth chapter was tricky to write as well, so you can imagine my relief and giddiness to hear you say that you liked it :)
Yeah, she did regognised him in the pub, that's why she freaked out on him like that. I do hope that the 'girl scenes' (lol!! love that description) make sense to you-- i can see from your other review that they did in the end -- because they describe sucha big part of anya's character and its going to come up later. i tried to describe this part of her through interaction, to make the story a bit more dinamic, since it needs more dialogue whenever it can get it. But I agre with you on the whole blaablabla when girls are talking to each other with all the subtexts and jabs. Its tiring to write sometimes. Report Review
I like it! It's really well written and kept my attention until the very end. I like how you describe Sirius without even mentioninig his name. So you make a little mix up with HP and Black Swan? :) I keep it going!Author's Response: Hello! Im so happy that you found this first chapter interesting. I cant even remember the number of times Ive edited it to find a balance between action and description.
Haha, yeah, black swan was really convinient material to use when i came out, but Im trying to keep it as originial as i can - I did read the script and take references though, because it was brilliant!
Thanks for taking the time to tell me what you think and I hope you keep liking the story :) Report Review
Ooooh I love this story!
It's so good! I love the whole ballet side of it and the fact that you wouldn't need to be a huge HP fan to read it but it's cannon nonetheless! I'm really enjoying it so keep up with the uploads! *I know it gets annoying when people say that but I can't help it *
Keep up the good *scratch that* great work!Author's Response: Hi! Im really glad that you do! I'll try to keep the writing good chapters and keep things interesting :)
I started this story when i thought about writing a character that didn't really agree or like magic at all, despite being a witch. I think it's this characteristic of Anya's personality, more than anything else, that makes this tory look like its not as magical as Hp fanfics usually are. I like writing like that, its different from my other fics. And her not agreeing with magic is goingt o be the source of a lot of conflict between her and Sirius later on.
I can't wait to write about Anya at Hogwarts though. Its goignt o be fun making her so uncomfortable!
Thank you so much for the review, and i hope'll be able to keep up with the expectations :) Report Review
I really like this story, I love the way you describe her dancing and all the teachers, do you do ballet yourself? Just wondering.
I also like the way Anya thinks, like with the whole 'no predestination' thing.
Just wondering, when it says 'I'm obsessed, what's his..' something or another, what does she mean by 'I'm obsessed?'.
Anyway, update soon!Author's Response: Hi there! Im glad you're enjoying the story - knowing that people like what i write makes writing even more fun :)
No, i dont take ballet, but i have read a lot about it and seen dozens of movies too. I always try to research as much as i can about the topics I write about, to make them sound more beliavable.
I like that aspect of Anya's too. Its interesting to write someone that has such a clear idea about those things - it has made me look into some lines of thought that i hadn't explored before myself.
Oh, in that line she was admitting to herself that she was obsessed by Sirius: seeing him so sudenly wasn't really that unexpected, since she alredy thinks of him so much. It kinda made him being there fee like it was somehow a result of Anya's thinking about him all the time.
And then she thinks '...what's his excuse?' - as in what's his excuse fo being there with her. Report Review
ok, i wasn't really planning on reviewing until... well, until the last chapter, but i could'nt really resist..
i don't really get some things...
like, why is anya so insecure.. and well, afraid of relationships and why is she so afraid of sirius?
some event in the past?
well, i'm hoping the story will open up as i read on...
i liked this chapter as the best one yet... well maybe, after the sirius-being-seducted-by-anya part...
when's she going back to hogwarts?
can't wait to see her relationship with sirius develop!Author's Response: Hi there, Im glad you stopped by and that you're enjoying the story :)
Anya's insecurity is very much part of her character - for lots of reasons that I dwell into, some more expicitly exposed in the ninth chapter. Its just who she is at the moment, at least that's what I've been trying to build her like. I know that she has issues and may come across as a weid character, but i promise that there is going to be connection and consistency between who is is now and why she got that way (you're right, it's all in her past.) Some of your questions will be answered as you read on - the story opens up slowly, but I hope that it's not TOO slow.
Glad to know that you liked that chapter with Anya and Sirius, I always felt like it was one of the trickiest to write. There will be time for Hogwarts, right now Anya is goingt o live through a very intense summer first :D Report Review
Hey! I really really love this story, especially how you put in ballet with Harry potter, my two favorite things. You're a really good writer, and I was wondering how you find your quotes? Their fabulous. Do you search around google or what?
xoxAuthor's Response: Im so happy that you like the way ballet mixes with this story. It was tricky to find a balance, but as i wrote I learned which bits to put in and which to leave out.
About the quotes, well, Im a quote freak, I have hundreds of pages of them. Once i started this story i just went on google and typed 'ballet quotes' and read everything i could find. If you're on the forums as well, i could PM you some of them if you like :) Report Review
I LOVED this chapter!!
It was so intense -the fighting with Katherine- and I loved seeing Anya explode. :)
Even though it usually happens when she's feeling her worst, I love when she opens up.
And in this chapter I thought we saw a lot of examples of how young and sheltered Anya is. When people called her 'kid' it did bug me because isn't she an adult by wizarding standards? I'm sure everyone hates the condescending connotation of 'kid'.
I thought you had wonderful organic imagery and I found the thoughts behind their emotions fascinating. They were incredibly complex and gave a sense of a long history of inner turmoil.
The changing POVs were interesting, too. I didn't expect you to write from Moody's perspective (I didn't even expect him in the story!) and it definitely added to the gravity of the situation. I found his general involvement interesting too. Being a famous auror and acting as a body guard is unexpected. It makes me think that Katherine is either a very important member of the order (which Dorea's grattitude supports) or that she is very important to Moody personally. They seem to have a long history together...I can't help wondering if they are/were best friends, or (I'm fishing in the dark here) if they will have some sort of romantic connection...weird thought, but they have some sort of chemistry or something that only people who are very close typically have. With her understanding his motives immediately and all the joking around...I think they must be good friends. Although I can hardly imagine how Anya would react if her mother were to date someone. At any point in time. I definitely got the sense that they're close, though, regardless of whether any romantic feelings exist.
That cliffhanger at the end is killing me. I can't wait for the next chapter! I want to read their interaction so badly!! And I loved that bit of humor -it totally juxtaposes the entire chapter's stress and grave topics. It seems perfect for Sirius' character.
I didn't review the other chapter because I got too excited and skipped to this one lol :) I just love this story.
Please update soon :)Author's Response: Hey! I've been looking forward so much to writing this chapters. its one of the turning points of the story, you'll see why. I really wanted to make it as gritty as i could, the effect was supposed to give away all the hidden cracks in Anya and Katherine's relationship. The unvoiced thoughts behind Anya's words were used to add to that effect - to give that feeling that she doesn't have a barrier between her brain and her mouth anymore, that she is going haywire. You're right about Anya, she only opens up when she is is forced to crack, but that's part of her characterisation i guess. i just couldn't find another way of realistically portraying everything seh was feeling without making it a bit bombastic and having her explode all over the place.
Yeah, she is an adult (or close because its hinted that she and her mother have forged IDs, but I haven't give the reason for this yet - anyway that's not the point) Anya is grown and tecnically and adult, but the way they refer to her as 'kid' was meant to be condecending, to give away the way people in the Order see her as completely inexperienced and practically a child - which is not too far from the truth to be honest.
I didnt expect to write from Moody's perspective either, but he just came into the story on his own ;P
When I was writing the chapter in which Anya is attacked, I thought: Who is the best protector for someone as crutial in the Order as Katherine? And the only one that came to mind was Moody. That was her bargain by the way: she promised that she would write that article only in exchange for the best protection Dumbledore could offer for her daughter. I just figured that in a time when nobody realises taht there is a war coming, the most important function any onrganisation could have is inform the public as well as fight off teh danger. So yeah, Katherine is important for the Order... but I kinda imagined a friendship between her and Moody as well.
The idea was like a relationship that Harry and Hermionie would have one both grown up, you kow. But I dont know where Im going to go with it yet. You kinda gave me a few ideas :D especiall when trying to imagine Anya's reaction to Katherine dating someone. Lol, that would be a dramatic chapter to write.
Oh, you know the next chapter is already in que, but it will take 6 days to be validated. I cant wait for it to be out. It all an interation between Anya and Sirius and at first I thought it would be a shortie, but it turned out to be 8000 words!!! I just hope that it lives up to expectations.
Thank you so much for your every word. I hope you like the next chapter as well. Report Review
Excellent. A few minor grammatical issues, but the passion is extremely intense. I enjoy your writing immensely. Thank you!Author's Response: I've been writing the last few chapter very fast, and havent goten around to editing yet. Its like i just cant wait to finished them so that I can get to the next, and Im really writing the way i feel, all in one breath :D
I was counting on the exitement and passion of this chapter to let loose all of what Anya usually keeps inside. SHe is such a closed up character, i was dying to let her lose it a bit. I'm very happy that you liked this dispite my grammar mistakes (Im sure I'll be horrified when i go back to edit - its partially out of fear of them that i havend done so yet ;P )And thank you for saying that you enjoy my writing, its the best compliment. I hope you like the next chapter as well.
Thank YOU, really! Report Review
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