O Exciting! Sibling Rivalry! I love how you have developed Rose and Scorpius's relationship slowly! And I like how it wasn't like a big BAM romance! It fits in nicely with all the action and adventure! Please release the next chapter soon! :P Report Review
That was super cute! But idk if scorpius liked it or not :/ I guess I'll find out later XP LOVE THIS STORY! Report Review
That is sooo sad!!! Poor Albus! i was hoping it was going to be the other way around ): BTW! I LOVE this story! You are a real writer and I am so glad to finally see somebody on here who can write something reasonable! :P Thank you for this fantastic read! I'll be enjoying it! Report Review
next one please ..the story is interesting Report Review
Yay! i am so glad you finally posted a new chapter! as usual i love it, boys only a year apart are bound to fight so its good to see some rivalry!
Hope you find your notebook :) Report Review
I am SO glad you updated this story! It is my favorite one by far! I hope to see another update soon! You are an amazing author! Report Review
Hello there! I really quite like this Rose/Scorpius and hope you don't forget about it again soon! It's different and focuses on many of the other family members as well, which is nice so I don't feel like I'm being smothered with Rose/Scorpius all the time. Love it so far, Happy Holidays! :)
~MadiMalfoy Report Review
really good story update soon Report Review
Awesome fight between brothers. Funny that in the end James Lied to his parents and Albus covered for him by validating the lie. I suppose James knows he went too far and wanted to be given a chance to apologise in private without causing even more problems for the Slytherin comment. Albus in return is giving him leway to hear James apology by granting him the time, Very smoothe. Brothers shouldn't fight :)
See you sooner than before, now that you remembered were here waiting where you left us lol Great Chapter! Report Review
keep updating please i am really enjoying this story Report Review
Please update soon!! This is a great story and it makes me sad that you haven't posted a new chapter in what seems ages! :( Report Review
I hope you haven't abandoned this story, it's really good.
I like the portrayal of the Potter family,
and the beginnings of Scorpius and Rose. I like how you haven't rushed them yet.
Harry's case is interesting as well. I like how the kids try to find out more about it, and thus more about their parents past.
However I don#t get how they don't know about the Malfoys.
Rose surely would have researched their family, when she begins to have questions about her dad's hatred for the Malfoys.
Oh Al, poor boy *hugs him*
I really like how complex you made him. I especially like how you portray Harry and Al's relationship.
It seems despite their similar characters, that Harry has problems connecting to his son.
hope you find inspiration for another update soon! Report Review
I just want to say that this was amazing. The murder scene was intense, but not in a terrible way. I mean it came off like I was there, seeing it all for myself.
The flow between characters, and their perspectives is flawless.
I'm about to start reading the next chapter. Seriously, I love this already!!Author's Response: Thank you! I will attempt to start up this story again as soon as possible. Report Review
I LOVE this story!!! Are you going to continue this story? Please, please, please update again soon!Author's Response: Haha, yes, I'm going to continue! It's been a rough battle with how busy I've been, but I started the next few chapters and hopefully will get them posted before the end of the month. Please keep reading, and I'm glad you enjoy it! Report Review
Ohhh, angsty much, Al?? Poor boy though, it's easy to imagine how he could feel, given his situation.
I loved Ginny's letter, such a nice touch to your story. Most of your characters have heart and soul, they are more than just two dimensional and I like that.
I'm very curious abut this dueling competition; how and why it takes places. Good work!Author's Response: Haha, poor Al. It is pretty unfortunate how he gets dealt the bad hand. Ginny's letter was a lot of fun to write, actually. I'm glad you liked it! Working on the next chapters now. Please keep reading! Report Review
It's been a while but I finally have some time to get back to this story and keep my reviewing.
I really like this chapter; I like how easily the story flows and the changes in emotions the story goes through. From happy-Teddy to angry-Al and then to scared-Harry; I love it!
I'm really interested to see how it will all turn out this dueling team and how Al will grow from that. Great job so far!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it! I've picked up the chapters again, and I'm continuing the story. I hope to see your name in the reviews in the future! Report Review
This was an awesome chapter. It was so action packed. The forest setting was really nice and I loved how it transformed the battle for them. I like how you got the duelling team to deal with the forest in the end, there were some really original ideas and it definitely made for dramatic reading.
I loved how you described them all as they woke up. It is a time of day that you usually don't see people so it was kind of neat for them all to be introduced to their morning selves and terrible bead hair.
So over all, nice chapter once again. Your action scenes are always really good and the whole chapter flowed really well.
ravencalwprincess - ravenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! I've been working on the next few chapters (about time, right?). Keep an eye out! Report Review
Ooh, I loved this chapter! The forest was such an original setting for the match, and it was clever how they used the trees to their advantage. The descriptions of everyone's morning tiredness was amusing to read, and I loved the strategies they came up with all through it! Teddy is just too perky in the mornings ;) But I lovd the part where Rose said that she found the forest almost bare without Teddy there. It would be rather odd to suddenly lose your leader, even if you were prepared.
Love this! Please keep on writing.
(Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Haha, I'm working on the next few chapters right now. It should be soon. Please keep reading! Report Review
Once again, another brilliant chapter. I've got to congratulate you on making this acutally believable. I love that Al hangs out with real Slytherins and actually has an attitude. People usually portray him as the nice and good Slytherin but you went all the way and I really like that.
You also managed to give this "returning to Hogwarts" moment an original feel and I like that. This story is really good and I will definitly read it through. I'm glad you asked me to review it because I really feel like I discovered a gem; thanks!
Two little things I noticed through my reading :
"It was if no one had ever told her the current social norms."; it feels like you forgot a word in the sentence (It was 'as' if no one...)
"Lessons my chances of making it."; do you mean 'lessens' ?
That's it! These are the only little things I saw, great work!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Catching the mistakes helps me so much. I'm going through it and proof-reading the story so I can continue it. Unfortunately my notes are at home and I'm studying abroad so it may be awhile before I get to it. I should write another story in the meantime. Report Review
I really liked this chapter a lot. Since the beginning of the story, it's pretty clear that Harry and Al don't really have a close relationship, right? This bonding moment between them was very nicely done and the mystery is getting deeper and deeper; I love it!
I found the meeting between Harry and Draco was also quite interesting. I like the ambiance you set between the two and this image of them being on thin ice was perfect. It's really how this scene felt.
Really, really interesting developments going on in this chapter and it'll be interesting to see where you take this. Considering I only have one review left to give you and I really want to read the rest of your story (and I will definitly review the rest as well too) this story is going to my favorites so I don't lose it when I close this page!!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing the story! I hope you do continuing, and I will certainly try to pick it back up when I have the time :) Report Review
This is really beginning to be an amazing mystery story; I'm really into it! Your writting style is so good, it keeps the reader completly immersed into your story. I already said how much I like your attention to details and the way you give life to a scene but did I mention you do the same with your characters? Rose now sounds like a full-fledge character in the way she acts, thinks and talks.
This particular chapter had a great flow in it. I like that, even though there were two specific actions going on in here (the dueling and the mystery), it all flowed easy and felt natural.
One little thing I noticed through my read :
"...Rose glanced at her younger brother Hugo, noting as she did..."; should be 'noting' and not 'nothing'
A really great chapter once again and I'm very happy I decided to review two extra chapters!!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Oh, I love Rose. She and Hugo are the perfect blend of their parents, but at the same time, with their own personalities. It's fun making the second gen...you take attributes from the trio, and then mix in an attitude you need for the story. Definitely my favorite part. Report Review
AMAZING chapter!!! I LOVE this story!!! UPDATE again soon please!!!Author's Response: thank you! I'll be updating soon! Please keep reading Report Review
Oh, the mystery gets thicker!! I really like the idea of having not just one storyline but having a couple mixed together. I'm really curious as this murder and the dueling club storyline will mix together.
I found you really depicted the murder scene well. I love the detailing you put in; it really brought the scene alive to me. You have really gotten my complete attention now; I want to know more and figure out how this will all turn out.
I noticed a couple little things that need to be corrected so, here they are.
"Their mother often said that having two boys a year apart would of course lead to sibling rivalry.."; I find that hard to believe considering the mother in question in Ginny and she grew up with six older brothers. The Weasley boys aren't particularily competitive one against the other (well not as much as you seem to describe James and Al)...
"Not the first time,..."; I think you forgot a word here : "Not 'for' the first time..."
Overall, a great chapter that propelled the story forward in an interesting way. I can't wait to read the rest!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: I have a really bad habit of leaving words out. Thank you for notifying me of that one. I type really quickly, so it gets kind bad when I get going. I hope it wasn't too gruesome of a murder scene! I have to lay off the crime dramas! Report Review
I really like this chapter because you took risks and it payed. What I mean is, you didn't stick with the natural follow-one-character model or writting and used different ones instead. It could have failed easily but you managed it. All your characters sounded slightly different (well, different enough that it was easy to imagine and distinguish the age and situation of the character) and so far, I enjoy all the characters you introduced.
Harry is just beginning to have gray hair? With everything he went through? I would imagine he'd have gone gray way earlier than that (the darker your hair color, the earlier it grays usually)! I just wanted to point it out but it doesn't mean I didn't like it; I'm simply jealous!!!
Oh and I absolutly loved the failed surprise party; this is such a classic but you made it work and it didn't sound cliché at all so, great job!
In this chapter, I noticed one little typo that I wish to point out to you. It's nothing huge and does not take away the greatness of your story at all but I like to help writters improve their great stories.
"Their mothers liked the share the tale..."; it should be "to share the tale"
Overall, another great chapter and I can't wait to read the rest!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Haha, as for the gray hair, Harry was worrying about it because it was his birthday. He probably hadn't given it a second thought before because...well, he's a guy. Also, wizards have longer life spans. I would imagine functions like that slow down.
Fixing the typo right now! Thank you! I'm glad you are enjoying! Report Review
Hello dearest, Akussa here with your long awaited review for the Missing Moments challenge! I know, shame on me... but at least I'm getting down to it, right? And, as a way to apologize for the lateness of you prize, I will review two extra chapters of this story, how's that?
This is a wonderful opening chapter. I like that you jumped straight into the action of the story and chose to put some backgroud information here and there rather than have a prologue chapter. I also have to say that the opening lines had me completly hooked. I already love the tone of your writting and feel excited about what is coming next.
Your characterization of Teddy is interesting and engaging. I want to know more about him and already enjoy seeing things through his eyes. It should also be noted that I liked the conversation with Victoire at the end; I had a similar one with my boyfriend last night about something very close to this and it went pretty much the same way. What I mean to say is that, it felt realistic and I could believe in their relationship easily.
I am now off to read the next chapter with great interest; wonderful job on this chapter!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Haha, oh, thank you! You didn't have to review two extra chapters, but I'm glad you did anyway! My goal is to make the characters as believable as possible, and I feel like I've had similar conversations with my boyfriend as well (haha!). I will continue the story soon. I'm going through and proof-reading everything. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection