Reading Reviews for Look up at the skies
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Seraphim Look up at the Sky

9th July 2012:
Aww, a happy ending for the happy founders! Or, well Salazar and Rowena are happy too but -- oh, leave it! The story might just be a reality that was never told! You did a good job at making them sound young and carefree!

Author's Response: Id like to think it was a reality but looking back on it I dont think the founders should pair up with each other, maybe one pair do but it seems a bit too forced. Thank you, Im glad you think they sound carefree because from children to young adults I want some aspects of them to remain the same.

Thanks for the review,
Bex :)


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Review #2, by PolyJuice_ Look up at the Sky

3rd March 2012:
Rubbish? Hardly. I love the plot, though your grammar and formatting are a bit off.

~"“Now Helga today I do not want you out for long. We are going to make a wonderful blueberry pie. It is a new recipe I was thinking about while Pappa was out at work.” Helga nodded once letting her golden blonde hair fall down to her shoulders."
+This is a bit of an awkward bit. You need commas in a lot of places that don't have them, plus saying "It is" makes the story a bit stiff etc.
~"“Now Helga, today I don't want you out for long. We're going to make a wonderful blueberry pie. It's a new recipe I was thinking about while Pappa was out at work.” Helga nodded once, letting her golden blonde hair fall down to her shoulders."

Its just little things like that.

~"She asked boldly looking down at her shoes too scared."
+This is sort of a contradiction. Bold and scared. ;) Oh and this should be "to" not "too"; it would actually flow better without it. I know in a past review someone has stated otherwise, but honestly as a reader I find it removes the flow.
~"She asked, looking down at her shoes, scared."

~"Well my friends father"
+You need some apostrophes in places, eg.
~"Well my friends' father"
+This means "The father of my friend."

At times it's not clear who is speaking.

I like it though, plot development is really well-done; Helga is so cute. :')

'Liz

Author's Response: haha this was written almost 2 years ago, I couldn't even spell then let alone deal with grammatical errors. I think I need to get a beta for all my old stories so then they're properly sorted. Thank you for the help and for the compliments they mean a lot. I did all that do not and it is because I was clueless about whether people living in 900-1000AD would use this sort of language but if the story lacks fluidity I expect it needs to change :D However I did like writing Helga a lot especially when she was younger. I think that's because she and Godric needed to meet in a cute way ^_^.

Thanks again,

Bex


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Review #3, by peace2lovepotter Look up at the Sky

9th May 2011:
This is good! Different, but in a really good way! There's not many founders stories out, but out of the ones I have read, this is one of the best! :) 10/10

Author's Response: One of the best!? Why thank you, I loved writing this story because like you said it's different and I love out of the ordinary things! I love ships like this so that's why I think I put a lot more effort in than I used to!

LpF123 x


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Review #4, by KarmaBlack Look up at the Sky

31st October 2010:
The first 'founders' fanfic I've ever read! And I really liked it! It was cute and sweet and then romantic and I just loved it! The last sentence gave me goosebumps! Aha!

Author's Response: Thank you I'm so glad you liked it! I loved writing this because the challenges I entered were so much fun. Id never written or read a founders fic before and so I thought I may be a bit out of my depth. So I'm very glad you liked it! Oh and of course that last sentence, I think it's one of my favourite bits but then again when they were younger and they fell asleep in the meadow-I think that might be my favourite part too! Thank you sooo much,

LpF123 xx


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Review #5, by MidnightBlue_x Look up at the Sky

19th September 2010:
Hey I'm here for your review.

First of all thanks for the compliment, It's really great to know you enjoy my stories.

I have quite a few suggestions for you, some just small things and a few spelling/grammar things I noticed. I hope you don't mind.

My first point is that perhaps you should put the words 'Epilogue' and the other two in bold, just so it stands out.

Moving onto spelling/grammar, the word 'wasn't' could be changed to 'was not' to fit the language of the Era better. As could 'didn't', 'I've' and 'aren't' etc. I'm not sure 'potioneers' is a word, potion brewers sounds more suitable. 't(h)en Helga on the lips and her tummy.' And 'great hall' should be 'Great Hall' as it is a place. I think that's all the errors I found.

I defintely think it's believable and no it's not too chessy. I do however think the epilogue could use a little work, maybe add some more description?

General flow was good. Very easy to follow what was happening along the way which made it interesting. I think this is a great Founders fic and would love to see more around like this.

Hope my reviewed helped, and thanks for requesting.
x Ely

Author's Response: Thank you it definately helped! My grammar is the one error that stands out! But I know now and I'm glad that you think it's a good founders fic! Thank you for the review!!

LpF123 xx


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Review #6, by lunarocks14 Look up at the Sky

7th August 2010:
Wow - that was so cool! Not sure if that was what really happened, but I liked it a lot :)

Author's Response: I don't know if that really happened but I think it might be! Loved your comments,

LpF123 xx


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Review #7, by ob sessed Look up at the Sky

6th August 2010:
Hi hi so sorry for taking ages to review.

First of all, I love the concept of this, it's adorable. I'll be honest, I'm not too interested in founder-era stories, but this had the right amount of cuteness to make it endearing. Your descriptions are very well-written. However, at times I found the dialogue to be a bit stiff, like the way they spoke seemed too mature for their age, although I do know why you did that. Maybe soften it a bit? Also, in the ten years later bit, there were times when I didn't know who was speaking.

Other than that, I thought this was a rather good/cute one shot! Good job! :)

Author's Response: It's ok! I used that dialogue because of the time period and they had to act mature with grammar wise because it was the only way to speak. Sometimes I do forget to put in who's speaking but I sometimes do it on purpose too!

LpF123 xx


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Review #8, by GinnyCullen Look up at the Sky

31st July 2010:
Wow I am truly speechless.

No, wait that is not true.

I loved this it was enlightening and showed that even little children know what love it. You showed the time perfectly with the old ways of speech and the "lady's do not let down their hair" I like that you also included that Salizar would do anything for Rowena it made him seem real.

the clouds predicting the future was a nice touch for it made everything come together.

I love also that the Gryffindor child married Peverell that made me happy I always have thought that Harry was a Gryffindor through and through.

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review! I doubt you've watched this programme but the inspiration of the character's personalities came from The Good Life which is a 70's comedy thing. My parents wach old things like that so it's just like a force of habit! I always thought that about Harry too so I just had to put it in!

LpF123 xx


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