"I feel pretty" is from West Side Story, not My Fair Lady.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty
I feel pretty, and witty, and bright!

Author's Response: I feel like this was a little condescending?

Anyway, my bad, I've never actually watched West Side Story all the way through so I guess I just assumed I remembered it from My Fair Lady. Thanks I guess, you could have been a little less rude though :/

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i think hes a nice guy but would love to see her with someone she could fall in ove with

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I agree with you, we shall see what happens in upcoming chapters : )


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Please update soon~!
I love this and Eliza Prat~!
Even though this is really cliché it's still awesome! :3

Author's Response: Bahahahaha I love how you think it's cliche!

Thank you : )

I'm working on Eliza Prat right now as I'm close to being finished, I'll try and get a chapter up for this one sooner than later though

Thanks for reviewing!

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Hello, it's NARIS doing your requested review from my review thread :)

There's not too much grammar mistakes at all, apart from in this sentence 'However Fairy Tales and happily ever after doesn’t exist.', where it should be don't instead of doesn't, and I don't find the capital letters on the fairytales completely neccesary. Fairytale is also one word.

Present tense, when used correctly and well, can be interesting to read. Fortunately, you seemed to have mastered the art of telling a story in the present tense, so well done.

The punctuation in the writing is wrong in some places, I suggest you take a look in the forums, in Writer's Resources, in Grammar Guidelines, in Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Dialogue. (I would have posted a link but you're not allowed to do that in reviews)

It really helped me when I had problems with dialogue, so do tell me if you found it helpful too!

Your character names are different, and I think that having unique names is good at giving your story a certain standing out there. If two friends had both read your story, along with other stories, they would immediately know what the other was talking about just by them mentioning the name of the character.

Over all, a very good start. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll fix that in a jiffy..

I'm glad you think I can do present tense well, I'm never too sure about it. I just noticed that I switched around a lot so I figured I had to choose one and present won out.

I'll check out the forums. I'm sure they will be very helpful-Thanks

I like unique names, or ones that stand out at least.. Fionn just happens to be the name of a favourite singer of mine so I just went with it.

And again, Thank you for the review and advice : D

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Update son! I love this story :)

Author's Response: working on it, thank you for the review : D

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Poor Ash. Once again, I feel that John should go die.

~S

Author's Response: He'll get his by the end of the story :D

Thanks for the review!

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Wow, this was deep. I think that John should go die in a hole.

~S

Author's Response: Hahaha, I agree he is quite the arse :D

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You are right a lot of Grammar errors. Overall your plot line is interesting, the start to a potentially promising story. This chapter however seemed choppy with the detail. It made me want to rewrite it with more imagery, detail, dialog etc. I would strongly suggest going back and trying to smooth it out and add more detail before continuing the writing process.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, My sister has finaly decided to beta it for me so I'll be working with her to fix everything.
I'll definitely try to add more imagry and so on, and smooth it out.

Thankyou!

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Besides needing a beta, I like this story. :) I find it more interesting than your last. PS, no I don't want to be your beta.
Love your far cooler sister :P

Author's Response: I think you should be my beta.. noone replied to my thing on the forums :'(

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nice of give you 8/10 did not understand few parts

Author's Response: Thanks for the review


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Yay!! This is so cool! I love your characterization and I love your main character and her brother. I'm really excited to see where you go with it and the ideas posted on the thread in the fourms :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like my characters and checked my story out! :D

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Hi! After giving you some ideas on the forum, I decided to pop over and read the actual story!

I really like this so far. Poor Aisling, I hate breakups so much. Altho if I was her I woulda thrown a hex at John for coming into the store like that. lol. Is Fionn's name pronounced like it's spelled? I can't wait to read more! :D

~alex

Author's Response: Hey, I'm so glad you read it! She's too much of a coward to throw a hex :P haha, Fionn's name is pronounced as it's spelt.

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Unique. Very, very unique. And I love the chapter title! So true haha. Good job! It was a nice introduction to your character. ;)

Author's Response: Thankyou, I was aiming for something different.

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