I loved the way you showed how much Snape cared for Lily, as it was really sweet and showed how much he really did care and loved her. Especially the part when he broke his bones saving her from Avery and his gang.
I thought dorcas was a really interesting character, and I really liked her quirks, like how she noticed Snape I would have perhaps liked more of a reason as to why she was still with Edgar.
Overall I thought it was really good, sorry that this review is shorter than usual I'm on my phone where its really hard to type! Kiana :)Author's Response: Hello!
I suppose I could have clarified her situation a bit more, but I didn't want to go too angsty with it. I guess the point of Dorcas was to show that she had the same kind of hopeless situation as Severus, but was only willing to point fingers at other people. It probably seemed to make sense that Severus could walk away from situation to her, since she didn't know what made him so obsessed as he was.
Thanks for your review! I appreciate all your words! Report Review
I loved this one-shot! It was an interesting read, most certainly! I liked your characterisation of Snape. The narrative also flowed really well. I liked the whole concept itself. The descriptions were intricate and vivid, and I loved reading them. I loved the ending too, I think it was just very perfect.
All in all, great story! Loved it!
ADAuthor's Response: Thanks! This one-shot was a character builder for Until We Close Our Eyes For Good. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I thought that this was a very interesting oneshot! I loved that it showed both Snapes and Meadowes povs! The idea behind this oneshot is really original too, it didn't focus so much on him completely pining for lily or him getting over her and finding love in someone else, but instead in two people who end up realizing just how stuck they are. I thought maybe the two would get together in the end, if only to spite her boyfriend but I'm kinda glad that you didn't, even though I would love to see Snape happy since he does suffer so much from loving Lily. The ending I thought was the perfect touch about them having common ground after she tries to tell him that he just needs to end his sadness and how she hates people like that except that she is exactly like that too. I loved the description as well, especially when you got to the bit about the tapestry. Altogehter, I thought this to be a great oneshot! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hey! I'm always surprised when someone chooses to read this piece. I'm glad you found it interesting. It's a character builder for my novel, "Until We Close Our Eyes", so if you are looking for some fleeting "happy" moments for Snape, you might try that. Though I'm not promising him a happy ending... sorry!
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
This is such a new look into Snape's course of action after he called Lily a mud blood. I like that you have him continuously saving her, even though she doesn't realize or acknowledge it.
You made my heart hurt for him so much, and considering I'm an avid Snape and Lily shipper,
that is a huge accomplishment.
He's obsessed and stalking Lily, but he doesn't realize that it is just a bit sick. He needs to save her, he wants to be the one to protect her, otherwise he would just tell her and James what is going on.
I like the prelude to Dorcas and Snape, also.
I really wanted to start 'Behind the Tapestry' but I'm going to have to wait until I finish Conspiracy of Blood. You'll be seeing me soon :)!
This kept me interested and wondering the entire time, my heart and mind both stayed intact, which is what I think is most important. You also have an amazing writing style!
Until next time!Author's Response: Wow, thanks! For a Snape/Lily shipper, that is truly high praise!
This one-shot is still all about Snape/Lily, but it's also a character sketch for Dorcas that I had to try before delving into "Until We Close Our Eyes For Good".
So glad it kept you entertained! That means I did my job. :)
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Hey, so I hope you didn't think i forgot, i am finally here with your prize reviews from the challenge!
So anyway, this seemed like the perfect lead in to your snape/dorcas story. You did a really good job of depicting the tragic isolation of snape at this point in his life, and the guilt and anguish he must have felt at having ruined things with the one person he cared about.
The interaction between Snape and Dorcas was great, and it really seemed to plant some seeds for the other story.Author's Response: Prize reviews!
I was hoping that "Better Days" would be finished by now, and then I would have requested the rest of that story for reviews, but I'm glad you found this one (since you read the long-winded continuation... haha!).
This was a character-development piece to try out a few ideas, and you saw what I did with them later, so I'm glad it all worked for you. I don't think I've had anyone review this piece after "Until We Close Our Eyes" before. It's a real treat knowing that it still made sense. :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.
This was a really clever idea for a story. You captured a time in Snape's life when he must have been suffering horribly, with no friends, enemies everywhere and the only person who ever mattered to him lost forever. And in spite of it all, he has both the overt nastiness and the hidden nobility that we know from the books. You danced a fine line and I think you really kept him true to his character.
The way that he loses Lily to begin with is very sad. One simple word that he probably spent the rest of his life wishing he could take back. But no matter how much she hates him, he can't stop loving her, even to the point of suffering immensely at the hands of his own housemates. I thought you did a terrific job of capturing how all of the other students would react, once they realized what he was doing. He just isn't quite talented enough to protect Lily and himself at the same time, so he chooses to protect her.
I like how you snatched Dorcas out of the fringes of canon and gave her new life for this story. We know little about her, aside from Mad-Eye's explanation of how she died, so you had a free slate to work with. She's tragically flawed in basically the same way as Snape. She knows what she would have another do in her place, but she can't see the reality of her own situation. Putting the two of them in close proximity and letting the sparks fly was a great way to draw that out. One small thing about her that I noticed is that her last names is spelled "Meadowes" in the books, but it's really no big deal.
I think you write really well. Everything flowed quite nicely and I liked the way that your word choice complemented the subject matter. Since you put a break when you initially shift from Snape's narrative voice to Dorcas's, you might want to put another near the end when the voice shifts back. I also noticed the following:
"The students who didn't meet the criteria was on the list..." - were on the list?
Overall, a nice story. Glad I got a chance to read it.Author's Response: Hello there. *looks around* Why are you here, exactly? Oh yeah, there's a story. Forgot about that one. :)
This was written as a character builder for my longer story. I can see that you picked up on the "fine line" here that I was playing with to see if I could make it work or not. There are a lot of assumptions people make about Severus Snape that I bent up quite a bit. The songfic challenge was great because it let me try out some language that I would ordinarily not choose, and you picked up on that too. Thanks so much for the review, and I will get on those typos to clean this up a bit. Report Review
I really really really really liked this. You've made Snape hateable and likeable and of course I want to pity him. Basically, you've written him like how I imagine canon-Snape :)
The parallels between him and Dorcas were great, and I love the lengths they will both go to for their love, despite both of their insistences that they'll stop.
A well written, very nice on-shot. 9/10 :DAuthor's Response:
I'm glad you saw the parallels between the two characters. Sometimes, the reason we dislike other people is because it is a reflection of ourselves. Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
Snape's love for Lily has always been a touchy subject for me...I feel most fics are not able to do justice to his love, his obsession...But you have amazingly understood the love and penned it (or typed it) down...the love for Lily, hate for Snape and Snape being a communal joke...everything falls into place perfectly!!
~CessZAuthor's Response: Ok. Well. First of all, thank you so much for reading my little thing. Secondly, you mean you actually read the whole thing?
It was actually a little experiment of mine and I'm glad you appreciated it enough to leave a comment. Thanks so much for your kind words. I feel that most people don't give Snape the kind of sympathy that he deserves for what he lived through.
So thanks again! You made my day! Report Review
Pix, this is really good. Snape, the unsung hero. Although I could never bring myself to like the greasy git, I always thought he was such a tragic hero, one you can't help wanting to root for. You've captured that here beautifully, how he's ostracized by everyone. And now, he's begun his long, anonymous suffering first to protect Lily and later to protect Harry. You've given his whole back story new dimension.
Also, with the Dorcas story line, it seems you've laid the foundation for how he copes with the horrendous loneliness his life will entail: lashing out at those in the same or worse shape as himself.
Exceptionally well written piece here. I enjoyed it immensely.
EldyAuthor's Response: *Gasp*
(hides story behind back)
What story? There's no story here... oh, you mean THAT story. You actually read this thing? Run out of stuff to do, did you?
This was actually an experiment in character building for something else I had in mind for later, so it's not much to sneeze at. But thank you so much for reading it and saying those ridiculously kind words about it. It made me smile! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection