-BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!
So, first off, I really liked this story. I've never read a story in this drama/script format, but I think you managed to pull it off, because I really enjoyed it.
I will admit that I was slightly wary of the short, abrupt sentences while I was reading the beginning, but they didn't disrupt the flow of the story much, which was a pleasant surprise, so well done on that.
I think your characterisation of Al and Vinny was good, I especially loved Al's awkwardness, and his narration was hilarious and easy to read, you really felt like he was talking to you.
If you hadn't told me, I don't think I would have known that fluff and humour weren't your 'styles', so I don't think there's anything for
you to worry about there. ;)
All in all, congratulations on a great one-shot that I really enjoyed reading!Author's Response: Thank you for filling this review request! It's wonderful to have heard from you so quickly, and a great treat that you also enjoyed reading this story. :D
Writing humour and fluff (or anything remotely happy) is uncomfortable for me - it never feels particularly genuine, which accounts for the use of short sentences. The choppiness was part of the style, but I keep wondering if I overdid it and hurt the story's flow. It's wonderful to hear that it still worked in the end, that it was visible, but not too disruptive. All the same, I might go back to try and smooth things out a little more. :)
Thank you again for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
I LOVE THIS!!! Oh my gosh this is so going into my favorites! This story just connected with me, and I'm not joking! I've always wanted to go into film, and this sort of felt like something I want to happen.
People will sometimes (at least the Harry Potter fans) will call me Luna, they'll say I'm happy and just odd, but I feel like Vinny, and I wish I had my Albus.
You just took all I keep hoping to happen! Even all the awkward stuff, I'm such a sucker for that! I want that to happen, I want to be unsure, I want to be geeky, I want to be looking down at my feet, while he finds all the right words!!
I'm not saying this to be nice. I'm saying all this because it really is the truth, expect a favorite, because this, this is so epic, and I love the banner to, really pretty!!
LizzieAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you very much! It's one of my rare attempts at fluff, and it means a lot that you like it since it was pretty far out of my comfort zone as a writer. Writing it in this style really helped me get into the right mood for it, though, and I'm really glad that you liked the whole film aspect of it. :D
Thank you for reading and reviewing this story! It's wonderful that you liked it and that it worked out right to your expectations. ^_^ Report Review
First off, I love your story. I thought it was very original and considering I know next to nothing about next gen, I thought you characterized everyone quite well.
I also love the format of the story. You could hear Albus's voice in your ear as you read and makes you really understand the emotions he's feeling.
Thirdly, I love Vinny! End of that.
So, awesome story, 10/10, all that fun stuff
~webetaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! It's fantastic that you chose this story out of all the ones I have to read - it's one that I enjoyed writing (though it was a challenge!) and it's sat neglected on my page for too long. It means a lot that you chose it to read and review - and that you liked it that much as well! ^_^
I'm glad that Albus's voice was so strong. For some reason, he's one of those characters whose voice comes to me very easily - somewhat sarcastic, more than a little self-conscious, yet also sensitive and intelligent. It makes him a great narrator, and he was perfect for the challenging format/style I put him through for this. :D Report Review
lololol I've never seen that kind of writing, but it was so well done! I loved it! :) Especially when she said he was a complete troll lololol Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's fantastic that you enjoyed this story, as it's one of my personal favourites - some of the lines are just so funny (I kept laughing while writing this, so my family thinks I'm utterly insane :P). I'm really glad that you found it funny, too! ^_^ Report Review
wow Susan! you always manage to surprise me and make me in complete awe of your writing!
I know this technically wasn't your 'style' of writing but I did see your style come through with the humorous bits!
I absolutely love your creative use of line breaks and phrasing like here:
"Limp as a rag, man. Limp. As. A. Rag."
This fic was such a joy for me to read! It put a smile on my face, a smile that was needed badly as the past weeks with kidney stones/going in and out of hospitals/doctor offices and now having to change my diet. this was just the perfect heartlifting little fic! So thanks so much for writing this! It cheered me up! :)
I absolutely loved how you ended it with them kissing and ending up into a bit of something more! It was wonderful!
My favorite lines: "“If I thought that you looked like a fish before, now you just look like an idiot.”
Swallow. Think. Work jaw back into speaking-mode."
I haven't seen many great Albus/OC one shots that are creative/unique but yours is definitely one amazing/unique fic! I swear Susan, no one can ever write like you do. Your style is so lovely and I hope you never change it. You're amazing and such a great inspiration to me!
Great writing, as always Susan! I'm looking forward to even more of your work here and TDA! :)
SarahAuthor's Response: Hi Sarah! ^_^ It's great to hear from you again, especially on a story like this, which is very different from my usual style. But my own style still came through? That's interesting - it must have been the sarcasm. :P
I'm really glad that this story made you happier - it's always wonderful to find a pick-me-up story, and it means a lot that this one was that for you.
*huggles* Thank you for your support and kind words. ^_^ Report Review
Susan, Susan, Susan! Just stopping by to say, once again, that you really are a genius. Have to say the kiss was my favourite part. The moment, the build up and the reaction were absolutely hilaro. Thought it was probably the most 'me' part of the story as well, that whole idea of the girl being the one in control, or at least knowing what's going on.
Anyway, I loved it! Gives a whole new layer to Winner Takes All. Hope this doesn't end up ruining your writing completely, gets addictive you know :PAuthor's Response: Ooooh Jack! It means so much to hear you say so! Your style is insanely difficult to try and duplicate, so that you think I got it, especially at that moment in the story, is awesome. :D Haha, she does get the better of him throughout, and that made it more fun to write.
I wouldn't mind it "ruining" my style at all. It was refreshing to use short forms and write something funny for once, instead of wallowing in angst or drama. :P I really should write more light/humourous stuff.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Jack! It was fantastic to be paired up with you for this challenge. ^_^ Report Review
really cute loved reading it because of your set up and style! It was very different and I really enjoyed it!
BeaAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! It's great to hear that you enjoyed it! ^_^ Report Review
Cute, funny too. I like the whole script thing, I thing that it works very well with the story.
WRAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :D The script idea I put in to try and play with the structure a bit - I'm so pleased that you liked it! Report Review
aww wow! this was really well written and Albus was hilarious =]
nice to see a story from a guy's perspective for once =DAuthor's Response: Thank you! :D I'm really glad that you liked it and Albus (who is addicting to write about).
I agree that there need to be more stories from the male perspective. There aren't enough at all, and it's really interesting to write from that point of view. :) Report Review
that was quite cute. I could feel a bit of Inti's style coming through, so well done on that!
I like this approach on Albus, as I've never read him like this before, well, not quite so ... I can't describe it actually. He does remind me of Inti's Louis, but somehow not. It's very difficult to explain. But nevertheless, a really enjoyable one-shot.Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's wonderful to hear that you liked it and saw Jack's style coming through. The light humour style is a big challenge for me, which made trying out Jack's style to be pretty difficult (which is, after all, the point of a challenge :P).
Albus here is very awkward. There's a lot of Jack's Louis in there, but I think that Albus is even less certain of himself - he doesn't worship his father openly, there's weird Oedipal things going on, and then there's that thing I can't explain at all, either. XD
But anyway, thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it! ^_^ Report Review
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