I don't think it needs editing; it reads beautifully :)
And I would hazard a guess on who it is if it's obvious, but I'm not sure...
(insert pause here)
Darn, I looked at the reviews and it's Percy. That makes sense.
In my defense, I read my first Percy fic five minutes ago; it was one of yours :P
Anyway, I love the description and imagery. 10/10!Author's Response: Remus is an interesting guess - I can see why some of the stuff here would make you think of him.
Yes, not a lot of Percy fics out there - I'm trying to change that!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Glad you liked it. Report Review
You write so...beautifully.Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Wow. I'm blown away by this. You put so much depth into so few words. I knew who it was about right away, even though you didn't say his name. Percy has this really shallow personality in the books, and it's fun to see another side to him.
"There is wisdom in his scruples, and in the circles under his eyes." That's my favorite line :)Author's Response: Ah, glad you were able to figure it out!! And that line is one of my favorites as well. :-)
Thank you for reading! Report Review
I honestly have no clue who this is. I'm thinking Remus or Percy, for some reason...but maybe James II or Albus II? But I like the mysteriousness of it, I think the way it is now is much better than if the main character had been spelled out. I really liked the parentheses in the beginning, too, and I found it (probably because of their content) slightly humorous. And your style of writing in this was so incredibly poetic; it was easily my favorite part, the way everything just flowed. It was beautiful, to put it simply. I really liked this, you did a great job! :-)Author's Response: Percy it is. :-) It has been really interesting, seeing people's guesses as to the character. Most have been correct, and a few have been very unexpected. You're not the first to guess James II, which is interesting to me!
I appreciate all of your wonderful comments. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Alright, so I just left you the first half of a review for your Remus/Rosmerta fic, and now have read this fic and have to comment on both here! So first, to finish my review on the other:
Alright, because I have to, here are just some tiny, infinitesimal blips:
"He is far too young to feel this old. He imagines a life in which he still feels alive at thirty-three, though he questions whether he was ever that vibrant and carefree to begin with. He reckons he did once, way back when, but itâ€™s been so long he can barely remember. Every step since those days has worn on him like a mile." - It should either be 'He reckons he Was once' or otherwise 'though he questions whether he (no 'was') ever Felt that vibrant and carefree to begin with.' - the switch from 'was' to 'did' between those two particular sentences just doesn't run quite as smoothly as it could. With that said, however, the simile that sums up this paragraph is really lovely and powerful.
Another small blip:
"And here he sits, thinking that if life had rolled the dice differently, he would be an acclaimed academic, he would still have three best friends, he would have a path that actually leads somewhere, rather leading him in pointless circles that serve no purpose other to wear him down." - I believe you are missing 'than' twice in this sentence - once between 'rather' and 'leading', and the other between 'other' and 'to'. Still a great paragraph, though... as are they all.
Tiny details, but nothing so trivial that it actually took away from my joy at reading this story.
Alright, well with all of that said, I'm just going to reiterate one final time how incredibly powerful and complex this piece is, even through it's rather simple storyline. 10/10 for sure, regardless of the slight errors - because we all make those, so whatever, haha! I'm still just blown away by how you made such a simple idea so unbelievably powerful in such a short amount of time and in so few words. This is so fantastic that I just had to ramble on about it, haha - I have never been so inspired to leave such a raving review!
Truly, thank you for writing this. :-D
Ok! All of that ^ was for your other fic, and now to this one!
Holy cow. You have honestly got a magical way with words. Every single line in this piece is just so perfectly articulated. I swear that there is not a single word that was unnecessary or didn't fit in perfectly. I don't think I could ever write something like this, but the fact that you can (and then continue to follow it up with 'Meh. I'm not sure I'm happy with this') just proves as to how incredible of a writer you are. I didn't know who the character was, though, but I cheated and looked at other reviews to find out, haha. And again you've blown me away with your ability to create so much depth in characters that I never looked too far into. You are very gifted and talented and write with such beautiful ease that I am incredibly jelly over here. Yet another powerful piece from you. You should be very proud of your work - all of it - for it is brilliant.
Thank you for writing this. :-)
P.S. Sorry that first review was so long that I had to split it up! But I just couldn't control my fingers - they had too much to say! I hope it isn't too confusing or inconvenient for you! Keep up the fantastic work (I'm sure that you will!).Author's Response: Thanks once again for your amazing review for "Like Coming Home"! And no need to apologize - I love long and thoughtful reviews, and it says so much that you took the time to write one that long!
I am really amazed and flattered by your review for this one. I meant it in my author's note when I said I wasn't 100% happy with it, but I think that's just because it played out on paper a bit differently than it had in my mind - I was going for some kind of half-prose/ half-poetry idea, and I had this idea of a specific cadence I wanted, and it didn't exactly work out as planned. But I was really just glad to get it written at all - they were some very difficult ideas and emotions to articulate in this way.
I'm happy to know you enjoyed the characterization here. It's not difficult to guess, from my username, who my favorite character is, but Percy is a close second - I just see so much depth in him, and he's so often written off as this total snobbish jerk. And he is a jerk sometimes, but I think there's a lot more to him - you obviously see it in DH when he comes back, but there are other points during the series when you see little flashes of the person he is underneath the calculated academic facade. At his core, I think he's probably a very insecure person who has always felt the need to prove himself. Even though we think of him as one of the older Weasley kids, since we see him from Harry's perspective, he is really a middle child, and I think that says volumes about his personality. He felt the need to avoid getting lost among his brothers (and sister), to stand out and prove himself. I've always liked thinking of Audrey as someone who would really take the time and effort to understand him and nurture him, and this piece was as much about her as it is about him. I really admire the Audrey I imagine in my mind (hah, that sounds really self-serving and arrogant, but I hope you know what I mean).
Anyway, now that I've written you a novella of a response...thanks once again for a fantastic review! I'm very humbled and pleased to hear these things about my writing.
Melanie Report Review
Does Ron get glasses later on? I thought this was great Melanie. Don't change a thing. Rack it. Honestly I thought it was James II. I was worried that this was wasted on a throwaway character like that. A very passionate display with marvelous description. That is how I would describe it. Thanks for the ride and thank you for showing me once again why you are one of my favorite authors. Well done!Author's Response: It is neither Ron NOR James II. :-D If you really want to know I'll tell you! But I'm glad you enjoyed it - I was very self-conscious about it, just wrote it on a random impulse because I had to write SOMETHING and I was trying to reconnect with the character. Thanks for the great review! I always like seeing reviews from you.
Melanie Report Review
Percy? Is that you?!
This was such a perfectly wonderful piece of writing! Every single word seemed to be measured and thought out, which is Percy's way even when he's being a pompous idiot. Still love him though. Always did. :D
"Quick to speak, slow to conclude, and regret follows close on the heels of his words, though he’ll rarely admit it."
This was my favourite line, especially "the heels of his words". How do you think of things like this?! I was amazed at how amazed I was when I read that sentence because it is just that, a sentence. It's those little unique things in your writing that leap out off the page and make you my favourite writer on this site! Your versatility and variety never fails to mesmerise me.
I sound like a soppy loser right now I'd better stop this review before I make someone sick! :D
Keep writing! Publish a book! And I promise I'll buy it and read it and love it!
p.s If this story wasn't about Percy I'm now very embarassed. :D Report Review
This was a wonderful piece that really brought the depth into Percy's life. This was a beautiful story, and I see no reason why you couldn't have been anything but completely satisfied with this.
At first I thought it was Beedle the Bard (the title; "But there is sincerity in his hands. His fingers move in earnest, whether pushing a quill across parchment" came into mind that he was a writer)
Then I thought it was Dumbledore (he had a brother, sister, mother, and glasses; "Only his brother knows he’s always preferred Muggle clothes to wizard’s robes" i thought was a sentence that brought out the fact that he preferred muggle lifestyles despite him believing that they were terrible when he was young...plus the story also points out that he is smart, educated, and people can depend on him)
But bingo...it HAD to be Percy. Am I right (if not, let me beat my head on the wall for a second)? The tone of the fic just completely matched up to his voice, and there was something...something that just seemed so PERCY about it all. So is it Percy?
Kimya Report Review
Melanie! I loved this peice. I think the juxtaposition between him the way he sees himself and him the way she sees him are so sweetly different. The description and word choices are lovely. This line -- "And his strength is in his weakness, and his meekness in his might." Is my favourite. I'm not sure why... but I loved it.
Great little story Mel!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing, Melissa! I'm glad you liked it - I wasn't too sure about it, really. But I like that you pointed out how he sees himself differently than how she sees him. I think you picked up on something very subtle. :-)
Melanie Report Review
I just - well I - this is truly - well...
CRUMBS, MEL, THIS WAS AMAZING.
There's something so enchanting about your sentence structure and the seemingly meticulous way you select and arrange your words. It's quite gorgeous. Just like everything else you write.
As far as being obvious, I actually have to disagree. I think there are several people who it could apply to, but a part of me wants to believe that it is either Dumbledore or Percy. Don't ask why, but that's just the vibe I get from him. I'm probably wrong, but oh well.
Again, it was gloriously beautiful.
MollyAuthor's Response: You are too flattering. Half of this is rubbish and needs editing, I think. :-P But THANK YOU!
I guess I underestimated my own mysteriousness. -shifty look- But YES, it is Percy! You know me too well. XD This is my lame attempt at reconnecting with the Percy/Audrey dynamic so I can kick Irrational back into gear. Percy is actually bordering on stealing all of my adoration away from Ron, which is HIGHLY TROUBLING. So wrong, and yet so right.
Thanks so much for the fantastic review and kind words, Molly! I'm always so flattered by your comments.
Melanie Report Review
Actually, I think you are quite mysterious and it wasn't that obvious who the main character was, mainly because I'm still not entirely sure (although I can be a bit dim when it comes to things like this xD). I had Percy in my head when I was reading it, but then there were moments when I wasn't sure if he fitted or not...
But whoever he was, this was completely wonderful, Mel! I loved every line of it, but I think my favourite has to be: For there is compassion in his silence, and there is faithfulness in his sigh. There is wisdom in his scruples, and in the circles under his eyes. The last line was really beautiful as well.
Amazing, as always! :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Lizzie!
I think you are NOT dim, because Percy is exactly who I had in mind when I wrote this. You get cookies for figuring it out! :-D
That line is one of my favorites as well - at least one of the lines I think I'm truly happy with in this one-shot.
Glad you liked it!
Melanie Report Review
Mel, this was gorgeous!
I loved the use of parenthesis at the beginning. I've seen it used a few times (once by myself ;D), but your use of it is original, and it really adds something to the story.
I thought this must be Albus, but I may be wrong. I am never any good at guessing these things :P.
I loved the poetic feel to this! It flowed beautifully and was just all lovely. It almost felt like a stream of consciousness.
Ah, I really enjoyed this. :D.
PS All round favourite lines would be these:
'For there is compassion in his silence, and there is faithfulness in his sigh. There is wisdom in his scruples, and in the circles under his eyes. And he places his trust – every last crumb of belief – in certainty and sanity and the love of everything secure.'Author's Response: Thank you so much, Becca!
You had a similar idea as Kaity - she thought it might be Albus, too. In fact I had Percy in mind when I wrote it, but I like that it's a little more ambiguous than I assumed it was. :-)
I hope the poetic stuff isn't overdone - I threw some rhymes in there, and I tried to make the lines rhythmic, but I didn't want it to sound corny. I'm glad you liked it!
And I think those lines are some of my favorite, too. When I look at this one-shot, I think I'm happiest with the lines that you quoted.
Thanks for reviewing!
Melanie Report Review
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