Wow this story is so touching. It really makes you think about your own siblings and family. Very well done. I love it.
The No Dialogue Challenge results will be up soon in the Hall of Fame and in my blog :)Author's Response: Again, thank you for the amazing review! I'm so glad you got the emtions I was trying to convey with this story. Can't wait to see the results of the challenge. Report Review
*wipes tears away*
I am in awe of your writing talent. That was simply the best thing I have ever read in my whole entire life.
The emotion that you portrayed without a single word was unbelievable! I was literally crying and not many fics do that to me.
I love Fred and George stories and you have now topped my list of faves. That was so powerful and moving. The way Fred wouldn't talk and how he showed so much love for his brother in the end by getting them both free.
10/10! Amazing!Author's Response: I am so so so sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your wonderful review. My life has been ensane this last year and I've become behind in almost everything, review responses being one of the worst areas. I hope you can forgive me for that.
Now, to address your amazing comments. Thank you so much for what you wrote! I'm never sure when I write something a little different like this how people will take it. It gives me all sorts of warm fuzzies to know you liked it, and your comments make me blush. And I'm sorry you were crying! I hope you had tissues on hand.
Fred and George are my favorites! While I usually like happy stories involving them, I do like to show that they are much stronger than people give them credit for. That's where this story came from.
Thank you again for reading! I hope you come back when I get back in the writing groove. :) Report Review
This is one of the most heart-wrenching, tear-jerking, breathtaking stories I've ever read in my entire life.
Not fan fiction - one of the best STORIES. You've breached the category and that's saying a lot.
I can't express the words I feel about this story, so may I only say that you are an amazing and talented writer and should be extremely proud of the masterpiece you've created.Author's Response: Hmmm.it's taken me almost a year to respond to this wonderful review. I am so so so so so sorry! My only excuse is that this has been the most insane year I have ever had and I've been behind in everything. I'm trying to go through my reviews and catch up now, even if most people have probably forgotten they gave them in the first place.
Thank you so much for your kind words! This was a very difficult piece to write and I'm glad you found it worth reading. Your compliments, saying it's beyond fanfiction and such, left me breathless! Thank you, thank you a million times over! Report Review
Oh. My. Dear. Merlin.
You have me in tears, love. That was quite possibly the darkest piece of Twin fic I have ever read, but boy am I glad that I read it. I love angst, but this...this needs it's own genre, because it's that amazing.
Let me tell you, I was waiting LITERALLY on the edge of my seat for a scrap of dialogue...maybe a simple "George?" or "Fred?" or anything...but it made the story that much better that it didn't need dialogue. It was almost as if their pain was enough of a communication for them, which is depressing, but so, so genius.
Your prose is phenomenal. "He wants to live, but more importantly, he doesn’t want Fred to watch him die." That was my favorite line of the story. It's so simple, yet so haunting. Good choice making it the end of a paragraph. It was nicely placed.
I absolutely loved this story. It completely captures the essence of what war really does to people. Fred and George, even though they are the most lighthearted characters in the book, were pulled of as IC during this fic. Everything made sense.
"A figure emerges, another cradled in his arms, backlit as if by the flames of Hell itself, staggering on torn feet into the night. Death nips at his heels, reaches for the limp form he carries, but he holds tightly, refusing to let go, and presses on, one weary step after another, away from the carnage and on toward home." - This paragraph was what sent me over the edge. It's beautifully written.
You're an amazing writer. Never stop writing Twin fics, please. I will forever worship the ground on which you tread. :)
- Elle Author's Response: I may have had you in tears (which I'm sorry for, btw) but your review left me giddy. THANKS so much!
This IS the darkest Harry Potter thing I've ever written, and it really was rather hard to do it to my beloved twins who are usually so light-hearted, but I knew it had to be them or it wouldn't work. I'm really awed you liked it so much.
Writing without the dialogue wasn't really that hard. You'd think it would have been, with the twins being so talkative and such, but surprisingly that wasn't the difficult part. The difficult part was finding the right words for everything else, because the style that this fic insisted on appearing in made it so there was no room for extra words. Gave me fits! And so I can't thank you enough for the compliment on the prose, because I really did work hard on it.
I really wanted to show the depth of a bond that the twins have, and to take that theme in Harry Potter of love having a power that rivels that of magic and expound on it. I also wanted to show that Fred and George are more than just jokers and tricksters. They have depth and maturity and seriousness as well. I'm very glad you think it worked.
Thank you so so much for a wonderful review! As for the worshiping thing - now you are just making me blush. But, if you really did like it, I have other twin fics out there. Perhaps I should request again. :)
Thanks! Report Review
Just WOW. I'm at a loss for words...as I probably should be as this is the silence is golden challenge.
Let me just say, you've achieved such great miracle here with this story.
Firstly, you've been able to take a story without a single ounce of dialogue, and have it LEAP off the page (or in this case computer screen) and SCREAM at me with emotion. That sounds violent...but I don't mean it that way. It's just so jam packed full of emotions and everything...this story absolutely transcends the words written on the page.
Secondly, you've been able to make a story flow without dialogue. Haha you might say...but I think the last week I've written more reviews telling people to please CUT BACK on the description please. Sometimes it's like reading and walking into a wall simultaneously. THIS story, though, is just amazing. It flows so naturally and beautiful in its dark setting and is not once boring or lethargic. It keeps moving. This is so important...and I don't often think it is recognized how entirely challenging it is (maybe you recognize it...haha) to write a story purely on a non-talking basis.
I'm not even really into dark stories usually, but I found the imagery and emotions so moving, I was literally too drawn in to quit reading.
I know this is in the AU direction, but for somehow, it felt so real to me, which is also a miracle, considering its not usually my thing. Upon further reflection...I think this story could have totally happened, perhaps that's why it felt so real.
I also respect how you've integrated the two most happy-go-lucky, slap-stick characters into such a story. You really dive into a side that's unexplored. You don't just go snorkeling...I'm talking DEEP SEA DIVING. The results were breathtaking.
I have yet to favorite any authors here...really...but you have really won my respect as an author and just. Yeah. I started with Wow I'll end with Wow.
Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful writing with the world!!!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Firstly, I'm sorry for the tardiness of this reply. I once again managed to get behind on answering my reviews. And I must be honest and admit that part of the reason for that was the sheer awesomeness of this review! I've been stuck trying to figure out what on earth I could say in response. You serously left me speechless! I don't think I've ever had anyone tell me my writing was miraculous! THANKS!
I honestly can't express how much it means that you liked this story so much. You were taking a risk with me anyway, knowing how AU I can go, and to have you come out with such glowing praise after reading it. I'm totallly blow away.
I've never written a story completely void of dialogue, but in the end that wasn't really even the challenge. I wrote this is such an abstract way that I ended up having to almost choose each word individually to make it work. As I say at the beginning, it was seriously the hardest thing I've ever written. I'm glad you think it worked okay.
I have done some dark stuff in the past, but not in Harry Potter writing, so I was VERY nervous about delving this darkly here, especially with the two characters I choose to use. But I'm also a firm believer that there is much more to our favorite twins than meets the eye, or than they let most people see, so I wanted to explore that. I also really wanted to show how strong their bond is and that's the other reason I used them.
Now, I must say that I am completely honored and humbled that I was the first author you favorited! Thank you, thank you! I'm not the most vocal or noticable person around the archives or forums, and as such, I'm not sure a lot of people know my stuff even exists. I can't tell you how much it means when someone adds me to their favorites, and it means even more knowing this isn't the stuff you usually read.
Thank you so much for such a beautiful review. I hope you can forgive how long it took me to get back to you on it, but I've been in awe of it and not sure how to respond. I shall certainly be coming back to your thread to ask for more, which I hope you won't mind.
The darkness of this piece is its best feature, right along with the emotions portrayed between the brothers.
The situation you've set up is very chilling, that the Death Eaters could be so cruel to set up the particular brand of captivity between the two brothers. The idea of the collars working the way they do is very interesting, and I think it works well here.
I like the way you have the brothers' relationship deepening and changing because of what they've gone through together. They realize that NOT talking about what they've experienced, by keeping its secret, they are acting out of love.
You kept up with the spirit of the challenge well, even using the theme in your story.Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review!
I was worried about how dark this piece was, but I knew it had to go all the way or it wouldn't work. It's always nice to hear that readers agree with that.
I never really intended to write this piece. I had a dream, a very freaky dream actually, that was basically the premise for this piece. I filed it away in my brain but never meant to use it until I saw the challenge. Then I couldn't stop it from being written, if that makes any sense.
As for the twins' relationship - I love exploring sides of that. Fred and George are my favorites. I'm glad you understood the heart of what I was trying to convey.
Again, thank you so much for such a great review! It was a pleasure to get one from you. Report Review
Oh. My. God.
You are a seriously fantastic writer. I hope you know this. The emotion and description in this is exquisite, and it is so heartbreaking. It's difficult to read Fred and George in such a dark and desolate context, and I imagine it's even harder to write. But you pulled it off, and I felt like I was grieving along with them. And I definitely understand how difficult it is to write without any dialogue - dialogue is a bit of a crutch for me, so I always appreciate a well-written "silent" fic, and this is an excellent one.
MelanieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for such a wonderful review! It honestly made my week to get a review from you, someone I respect so highly as an author!
It WAS rather hard to write this, and to do this to my beloved twins, but it ended up being one of those stories you have to tell, even though you're not exactly sure you want to. Does that make sense? To have you praise it - wow, means a lot!
Thanks again so much! Report Review
My goodness Farmgirl. I once asked you if you had some life experiences to draw on for your stories and you said nothing remotely to what you had written in your stories. I can only surmise then, that you are a very sensitive and gifted conduit of emotions, a catharsis for the experiences of your characters. You also have a wonderful writing style. Thank you for sharing your gift. Very well done. PWAuthor's Response: Awww, shucks! You are seriously making me blush here! I can't say thanks enough for such a wonderful review. Seriously, it made my month! I try to write with emotion and such, but I'm not always sure it comes across the way it should. Means a lot to hear you think it does.
And I must apologize for the tardiness in replying to this great review. My life got a little crazy for a few months and I had to put internet stuff on hold for a bit. But I wanted you to know that I really do appreciate the review. Thanks! Report Review
i loved it. you had me feeling cold with them, and my throat has closed up, and while i felt like crying for the whole story, the end really got to me.. it was beautiful. great work.Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was a very hard piece to write, but I am rather proud of it now that it's done. I'm glad to hear you...well enjoyed is a bad word considering the nature of the story... I'm glad it gave you as much emotions as it did. That's high praise indeed. Thanks for reading! Report Review
Hi! Here with your review!
Wow, what a story you have here. I'll do my inner critic stuff first, though to be frank I didn't notice much, aside from the ubiquitous American spellings. But you didn't ask for those to be pointed out so I'm happy to ignore them. Apart from that, the only thing I raised an eyebrow at was the word acclimated, because where I live we say "acclimatised". However, I've had people ask me if "acclimatised" is a word, so I think that might be one of those people-from-different-countries-use-slightly-different-words things. In other words, ignore my ramblings. This was fine.
Okay, fine may not be the right word, considering the subject matter of this fic. You weren't kidding when you said it was dark, but then again that's not a bad thing. Dark stories certainly have their place, and this wasn't over the top by any means. But I thought it was a really good story.
The POV changes, which often come across as stilted or awkward in fanfiction, I thought worked really well in this, and it wasn't difficult to work out whose perspective we were following even though you didn't spell it out. If nothing else, I tip my hat to you for that, because I have read so many bad POV switches in fanfic that it was like a breath of fresh air.
I will admit that the ancient magic that Fred called upon to release them did throw me a little, mainly because it wasn't clear exactly what he did. Clearly it was an embedded, dormant kind of magic (I can't think of a better word than that right now, sorry), in that it didn't require props like wands or potions, just sheer emotion and force of desperation ... this is certainly not inconsistent with canon, but I think it's the first time I've seen that sort of magic being used consciously and deliberately. I liked the subtlety of Fred picking the wand from a dead Death Eater - the fact that the dead hand had a wand at all proved it wasn't George's hand - after the explosion, too. You managed to convey a lot in very few words in that bit, which is something to be prized I think.
In fact, I'm starting to think that I should have written this review when my brain was working better, because I'm just not finding the right words for what I want to say, and you did that so perfectly all through this story that I'm feeling quite inadequate.
Overall, then, a very good story I thought. The bond that Fred and George had, which was demonstrated over and over in the canon, worked so well as an integral part of this story, and their communication without words was one of the most poignant images I've read in fanfic for a long time. I can see how it would have been difficult to write, but I think you should be proud of this fic. It's great. You did a fantastic job.
cheers, MelAuthor's Response: Wow, three months to respond to a review. You've probably given me up for dead by now. All I can say is life went really, really crazy this spring and I had to let the internet hobbies slide for a while in order to survive. So sorry I've kept you waiting because of it, but must tell you how much I love this review you gave me! It is completely awesome!!
LOL. Thanks for the critiques. I can barely spell with American spellings. I would be doomed if I tried British ones, so I'm glad you are able to ignore them. :)
I am glad you liked the story despite the dark subject matter, although liked seems like an odd word choice given what this was about. Hopefully you know what I mean by that.
Thanks so much for the compliments on the POV changes! I really, really didn't want to have to spell out which was which as I felt it made the fic lose some of its power, but I was afraid people might get lost without it. In the end I just left them and crossed my fingers, so to hear that you liked them makes me feel much better. Thanks!
The magic Fred used was...well, I guess you could say author's choice. I'm not sure I could justify it with canon, but I don't think canon outright dicounts something like that existing. Mostly, I was trying to show that somethings defy description or explanation, in the real world or the magical one, such as the bond between twins as close as Fred and George. What happened here was how my muse led me to convey that, but that doesn't mean I was trying to go for canon.
As for the compliment about saying a lot with very little - you seriously have me blushing. That is one of the coolest comments anyone has ever made about my writing and I thank you bunches!
No, not inadequate! Extremely cool review! You seriously made my whole week when I got this, and rereading it now to respond to it has me grinning like crazy person again. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! Report Review
Hey. I'm here from the forums, with your review.
So... Wow. This was... amazing. This isn't your usual style, but you wrote this so beautifully. All the emotions were clear on the page, and it was so, so sad. ):
Firstly, I loved how your summary tied in with the story, not once but twice. It really packed a punch, at the end, and it left a(n even more) haunting feel to what was already an incredibly haunting story.
I loved your description. I would quote all the phrases I liked, but that would be every one of them. Every word seemed carefully thought out and placed, and seemed to have an impact.
When I first saw this was in present tense, I was a bit apprehensive--not every author can pull it off. But I can't imagine the story being as beautiful without the present tense, that feeling of impending doom that's caused by things happening "here and now". And that left the ending wide open, because most stories written in present tense tend to have both characters live.
I was glad you had them both live, but not speak. After going through something as terrifying as that, to have them be happy and okay wouldn't have seemed realistic.
The ending, where George was dying, and then Fred's realization, and burst of ancient magic, made my cry. It was just so powerful, and it was an intense climax.
I like how you had it sad right away. There wasn't a lot of buildup--"And then the Death Eaters took them, and there they are now." They were there, and the readers put it together. It was much more... intense, I suppose is the word, that way.
Fred and George were both really in character. They were their brave selves, but not stupid--they understood that they might not die, and to both, the important thing was not being alone, rather then dying. It was poignant, sad, amazing. Great job.
There were parts in this that were terrifying--and I read a LOT of horror. The whole thing about time, and their unspoken conversations... It spoke to me, and it was very scary.
The torture that the Death Eaters came up with was just about the most horrible thing they could have done, save kill one of them. Not letting them speak, and having one of them tortured if they made a sound... It's awful.
In case you couldn't tell, I really enjoyed reading this. It was beautifully written, and thank you so much for requesting! Sorry it took me so long to get to, I've been kind of busy. I wish I'd read it before, it was really, really great.
10/10 (Though that seems an understatement...)
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Three months without a response. That has to be some kind of horribly awful record! I really, really hope you can forgive me! All I can say is real life seriously got in the way of online activites for the end of Spring and I'm so sorry.
Now, I must next say think you so much for such a wonderful review! It made me smile and feel so nice, so thanks!
I'm glad you liked the summary. It seemed so simple I wasn't sure people would actually be drawn to the fic just with that little summary, but I guess it worked. And I do work hard to tie things in so it's very nice that you noticed. :)
I really had to think and plan what words I used carefully. This was probably the hardest thing I've ever written so it means a lot that you would comment on the choice of words. Thanks!
The present tense thing wasn't something I planned. I started writing this in a very different way than it turned out here. After struggling I scrapped what I had done and started over, and that's when the present tense came it. It made all the difference in how this story was told and so I kept it. It just felt right, like it was easier to feel Fred and George's emotions.
I knew from the beginning that I couldn't put them through this and have them come out the same, so the not speaking thing was a given. As for whether George lived or not, that I went back and forth on. I really wanted him to live, but I wasn't sure I could pull it off. In the end I just did what felt right.
Thanks again a million times for your praise and compliments. As I said, they made my day! Sorry if I made you cry or it was rather horrifying in places. I really don't know where this came from as I usually don't go this dark, but it was something I had to write.
Thanks again for such a wonderful review and SO sorry it took me so long to reply. Report Review
Ahh! I m so sorry for the wait =/
Your right.. this is definitely a bit different from what you usually write but its just as brilliant. That was so beautifully written, I can only imagine how much work you put into it.
The most amazing part about this story is the fact that I read through it not once thinking about how there's no dialogue. That's such a hard thing to do and I think you did it really well.
I love those last two lines so much. It makes such an impact. How in the world you thought of the torture devices I don't know but it really showed the connection between Fred&George. They didn't need words, all they needed was each other.
Watching them wither away was so sad. How can people be so cruel to put people through something like this. The twin's whole jail stay was so heart-wrenching for me. At the end where George is about to go and Fred becomes overwhelmed with that incredible magic made me so happy. I really like how you connected it to how Harry survived the killing curse.
Also by the two staying in silence even after they were free, I think was the perfect choice. They went through something that no one else can understand except for each other.
Wow. There's so many parts I'd like to comment on but I just can't form it right in my head. So sorry bout that. I want you to know though that you shouldn't be too worried about this story. Its amazing like all your other work. You always stir up emotion in me which is kind of hard to do.
Brilliant job my dear! I really enjoyed reading this one-shot. Keep up the good work =)
I look forward to reading more from you.Author's Response: You're sorry for the wait! I'm HORRIBLY sorry for the wait for this response! I thought life would calm down after Spring Break but it actually seems to be moving faster and faster and I'm getting farther and farther behind! I hope you can forgive me for being so slow!
Thank you so very much for such a glowing review of this story! It was very hard to write and even now, after hearing many people give it good remarks, I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about having written it.
You know, this was the ONLY way I probably could have done the lack of dialogue and not hated it the entire way. But somehow this fic came out in such a different form and style that I usually use, it ended up being very easy to do the lack of dialogue. Of course, that was the only easy thing about writing this. I'm so glad you didn't mind the missing dialogue! Means it worked.
I love Fred and George. I know you know that already, but I can't help saying it again. I love that brotherly/twin bond they share and there aren't nearly enough stories out there that focus on that. So I couldn't stop myself from doing it here.
I'm so glad you liked the plot and flow of the story, and weren't put off by the lack of what some people might consider vital information (why were they there, how did it happen, who did it, etc.) The staying silent thing at the end was painful to do (I basically stripped my favorite joking duo of their jokes and laughter) but I knew it had to be done to finish this story correctly. Thank heavens this is a one-shot and I don't have to keep them that way. :D
Once again, thanks so much for the heavy praise! I can't tell you enough how much it means to me! I hope you can forgive me for taking so long to reply to this wonderful review! Report Review
Appropriate, probably, given the magnitude of emotion packed into this tale.
Farmgirl, I really don't know what to say. There aren't words suffiicient to priase this (amazing, wrenching, superb - none of these adjectives are strong enough) story.
TEWAuthor's Response: Thank you. I was really, really worried about putting this one out there. I almost didn't go through with it, just because it's so dark and I thought people might chase me down and throw things at me. I was also worried because I stuck it up without it ever being beta-ed. So, I'm really glad you think it was okay.
Thanks for the great compliment! Leaving someone speechless doesn't happen often, so thank you very very much! Report Review
Here is my review! (sorry it took so long!)
This is so incredibly impressive. I read your authors note, of course, and I must say that all of this hard work of yours paid off. Honestly. I don't read dark ever, but you have presented it in such a mature, detailed and wonderful way that I just could not stop reading. I am so impressed with what you have done in just over 2000 words. I salute you :)
Thanks so much for request reviews. I really enjoy giving them! If you get the chance, please check out my own stories here on HPFF. Thanks again!
LLAuthor's Response: No worries about taking a while to get to reviewing as I've taken even longer to respond! I'd say we're even. :)
Thank you so much for such a wonderful review! And the fact that you called it impressive while admiting that you don't read dark stuff is even more amazing! I DO write dark stuff, but this takes the cake even for me, and I wasn't at all sure how people would respond to it. Thank you so much for your kind words about it!
I'm so swamped with school right now that I haven't been reading anything, but I have a huge list of stuff I want to check out as soon as summer break gets here. I'll be sure to put you on the list. Report Review
Oh my... This was such a powerful story. Gosh I don't even have any adjectives to fully describe how much this story has made an impact on me... Really fantastic job, and please forgive me for my lame lame adjectives.Author's Response: Nothing to forgive. Thank you for such a wonderful review. It's always nice to get reviews from you! Glad the story touched you. Report Review
What the hell kind of dreams do you have to produce something like this?!
My God, that was... intense. So breathtakingly intense. I feel like I've just been underwater and I have only just come up for air. Wow. That was... I'm going to try to write as fast as I can so I can truly get out what I'm thinking right now.
You're right that this was dark. But it was just so well written. I could see the strips of lights falling to the floor. I could see the unforgiving stone around them. It was just... wow. You painted such a vivid picture of this in my head that I almost don't want to know how you imagined it in your head. It's like one of those books that you read that have been turned into films - you don't want to see the film simply because it will rid you of your own visions for what the world is like. I felt that in this. And let me tell you that I don't often feel it.
Some of the words you used. Some of the sentences. I feel like I should quote some of them back to you, but I don't want to because it will rid them of their power.
You have this way of encompassing basic human emotions into your writing. Like sacrifice. Like love. And you do it so beautifully.
What a vessel to convey what love really is - using the bond that the twins have. Wow.
This was just... intense. And amazing. I don't even know how much of what I'm writing right now is making sense. I just know that I absolutely adored it.
And I even like we don't know why the twins got to where they were. That open-endedness just adds to it, I think.
However (and I can't believe that I'm asking this), can you please explain the ending? Did one of them die?
I am so sorry to be asking this. And this does not AT ALL reflect poorly upon your writing. This is just what happens when I get home at 4 in the morning and have class at 9 in the morning the next day...
But, wow. I almost feel like I should go find a corner and cry now. I don't know why. This just... it's like there is a sob fighting to get out of me.
And that... doesn't happen. For that to happen, the writing has to really touch me in a way that I don't quite get.
Intense. Lovely. Breathtaking. Horribly sad. Desolate. Heartwrenching. Beautiful.
I don't know what else to say.
Joop :]Author's Response: I don't ALWAYS have disterbing dreams like this, promise! (It does rather make me seem a little...um...freaky...) Seriously, I have another fic where Harry, Ron, and the twins are in a spot of trouble and I'd been thinking about it before I went to bed, and apparently the dream took off from there and then plunged down roads I NEVER would have thought up while awake. And, as I mentioned, I never planned to write this, until I read your challenge and knew it would be perfect, if disterbing.
Now, as to your wonderful, breathtaking review. Honestly, I was stunned the first (and secoond, and third) times I read it. You flatter me WAY too much, but I'll still admit to grinning like an idiot as I read it. It's partly why it's taken me so long to respond. What do you say in response to a review like this?
Writing this story was VERY intense. It was HARD to do, both to get it right, and to slog through the emotion that was attached to it. It's no secret that the twins are my favorite, and to do this to them...it hurt. I'm glad you found the reading of it worthwhile, because that makes the effort worth it.
As for the ending, no worries at all. No, one of them did NOT die. George almost died, but Fred, in a moment of pure love, did some massive wandless magic and got them out of the cell. Then he destroyed the whole building and everyone else in it and took his brother home. I really, really love the bond that exists between Fred and George and wanted to find a way to show that and explore the strength of it, without putting it in anyway that people could misinterpret or misread. (some of the stuff about the twins out there gets a little...um.freaky on the up and up angle.)
That it made you feel like you might need to cry. HIGH COMPLIMENT! Thank you so much for reading and for giving such a wonderful review. I absolutly LOVE getting reviews from you because they are always interesting and fun to read, but completely honest as well.
Take care and thanks a ton!
Hello! RonNiffler here from forums!
Can I just say I love your way of writing! It's just so much detail! Just the way it flow is fantastic! So great job!
Just a warning though, your writing style is very unique and some people may have trouble reading it. I think you'll be fine, just warning you ahead of time.
'Without warning, ragged coughs seize his chest, stealing his breath and squeezing like unseen hands.' Wow! Great line, I can clearly visualize this in my mind!
Wow, just the way you describe all this I feel like I'm there. And yes I feel like I'm about to cry.
And now I am in tears! Your last line 'Words like alone.' Was so sad! Beautifully written! Great, great job!Author's Response: Thank you! I know this style is not for everyone, so I'm thrilled you liked it! It was actually rather different from the style I usually write in anyway, but it was really fun to try something new. Although, fun seems like the wrong word given the subject matter of the fic...
Telling me you could visualize the scenes and felt like you were there are two of the greatest compliments ever! It means all that time I spend agonizing over the right word to use was worth it, so thank you!
Sorry about the tears! Well, actually, I'm not, because that also means I did my job with this, but honestly I didn't make you cry. Should I send over some tissues?
Thanks for such a great review! Report Review
Hi, icefire_lioness here with your review. :)
Okay, first off - WOW. The last sentence/paragraph made me choke up a little. :) I really like that repeated phrase, too, it works very well. Usually repetition means things lose their weight, but it's done the opposite in this case.
Now, I know I said I don't like angst, but sometimes one must make an exception (!) and this is definitely it. This is a very powerful piece; incredibly well written (gosh, I've been so lucky - all the people asking for reviews so far have been so talented!) and your character descriptions were just...brilliant.
I do love the twins so much, and this fic really bought home to me why. Their love for each other; all-encompassing and powerful, is so strong that they've built this bond between themselves that things like death, pain and suffering could never break. And you basically just wrote a fic that outlines that in brilliant clarity. I love it.
If this isn't the kind of thing you usually write, then you must be INCREDIBLE at your normal stuff. :D I have to say it took me until about...the third part where you write:
Yes, there are much more fearful words than silence. Words like *alone*.
It took me until then to really sit forward and feel like this was something special. That isn't to say that the first part was badly written (it wasn't, at all), it's really just that I'm not used to being into angst. And that's the thing, here - you got me so involved in this story that I forgot I don't generally like this genre and began to think about how much it moved me. Which, really, is a sign of incredible writing.
You've done an amazing job, and I sincerely mean that.
Having said that, there were a couple of errors I noticed (very small, but I'm a nitpicker):
'unexplainable' should actually be 'inexplicable'
'acclimated' should be 'acclimatised'
And that's it! Dear god, girl, that's the worst I can come up with! Well done.
Good luck with your writing in the future!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading this and reviewing! I have to say your reviews have made my week MUCH nicer!
To win you over to this fic, one who doesn't like angst, feels like a very high honor. It was really, really difficult to write. I've never spent so much time on a fic, moving things, changing phrases and words around, etc. I'm incredibly humbled you gave it such high praise!
As for my regular stuff, I'm not sure about the incredible part. It is much more normal and mundane than I tried to be with this fic, but I appreciate the sentiment just the same! Thank you!
It really means so much to hear that the writing and the story sucked you in. Those are wonderful words to the ears of any author, and I'm still rather basking in the glow of this incredible review!
Thanks for the notice of the few typos. :)
And thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing!
Phew. Wow. That was a really intense reading experience. I understand what you mean about writing something difficult that you work harder on than anything before, so that it consumes you. I just wrote something a challenge Pookha issued, and I spent so much time on that, re-writing, changing this, starting over, etc.
About your story. I was utterly sucked in by the emotion. I've said it before, but you are one of the best writers I've come across on this site from an emotional standpoint. Not that the narration isn't strong. It is. But not all writers can get the emotion aspect down, even if their writing is strong, generally.
I am a little confused about how the twins wound up prisoner, though that's not the most important thing. I infer that they were clowning around, trying to be heroic or important, and they made a mistake and got caught. I'm also a little confused about that magic Fred harnessed. For fantasy in general, it works, but in JKR's Harry Potter world, it doesn't seem to fit completely. Was that supposed to be the sacrificing-in-the-name-of-love magic, and if so, how did that work, exactly?
When I first started reading, I thought perhaps that in this story, you were working a little too hard to describe things. The writing felt a bit formal, but it actually works extremely well with the mood of the piece. There's a feeling of distance even as this is an intimately emotional piece. The POV switching works well also, in part because Fred and George are so intimately connected.
This review sounds a little unclear to me; I don't really know if I conveyed what I was thinking very effectively. I thought the story was very good. It was certainly gripping. There weren't any flashes of humor like you often include . . . there was no relief for the reader this time, aside, perhaps, from bittersweet relief that George didn't die. Excellent writing.Author's Response: Yes, I knew this wouldn't be a light read the moment I started working on it. I don't really know why my muse felt the need to take this route with the story, but once I started, I had to see it through.
You flatter my greatly with the praise about emotion. It really means a lot that the story sucked you in because of it, especially since that was pretty much all this story had - emotion. It was a fic based entirely off an intense look at the emotions between two people. So thank you!
I realize the way the twins got into this situation is confusing. This fic was based off a rather vivid dream I had, and as dreams are want to do, it didn't come with fleshed out instructions or background. I actually started this fic a different way at first, explaining how they ended up there and such, but it didn't work. I could tell it was wrong to go with the rest of the story. As soon as I scraped that begining the whole thing started flowing much better. In all honestly, *I'm* not even sure how they ended up there, and I decided in the end it didn't really matter. I was going for a snapshot of what could have happened, not so much an explanation for why it did. Does that make sense?
As for the powerful magic Fred used. Again, I'm not sure. I know it's not exactly canon, but I also wasn't trying to invent something new. I just took the idea that there was something special that existed between Fred and George as twins and ran with it. I figured there are many, many things that happen in real life that can't always be explained, why couldn't there be unexplained things in magic as well? I hope it didn't detract from the story, or make you think overly hard about it. :)
The formal style was again something that just worked. Once I ditched the first begining and let it go this way, the style sort of fell into place. That's not to say that is was EASY to keep it up for the whole thing, but I knew this story needed it. And you are exactly right - I was going for that sense of distance, so you mentioning it has me skipping for joy. The switching POV's worried me, as I knew it would be very easy for people to get confused by the pronouns, but apparently it came out okay. *whew*
Don't worry, the review isn't unclear. It's a great review, actually. Sorry the humor was missing. There just wasn't any room for it in this fic. Maybe next time.
Thanks so much for reading! It's always great to get a review from you. Report Review
I enjoyed this. For someone who doesn't usually write so darkly and perhaps deeply, this was entirely wonderful.
xEAuthor's Response: Thank you! I can tell you it was rather like a work-out getting this down on paper, so the praise is much appreciated. Report Review
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