Reading Reviews for Between Us Girls
  
22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Kinnu Between Us Girls

29th January 2014:
How cute!
But if you don't mind me saying, Hermione was a little OOC, don't you think?
I loved the idea of the story though, very new!

Author's Response:

Hi!

Not sure what exactly you thought was OOC about Hermione. Maybe a bit of explanation and a quick example would let me know what you mean. Thanks for reading!


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Review #2, by 1917farmgirl Between Us Girls

18th August 2013:
Oh, Pix, how did I miss this gem! This was hands down the highlight of my day! The writing was superb, pulling me right into the story, and the humor made me crack up. Your Hermione was one-hundred percent how I've always imagined Hermione being as a parent.

It all felt so real. It was magical, and the things you came up with felt so much a part of the world (jumping off the Gryffindor tower? Catching bugs in an enchanted jar...), but it was also so normal! Real parents worrying about real things. Friends and family who know each other inside and out talking. It was warm, and comfortable, like a well-loved quilt. That's how I've always imagined next gen or post-Hogwarts stuff being, far more than flashy stuff.

But, honestly, the number one thing that struck me as I read this had nothing to do with magic or fiction. It was much more personal and it was this: while you are a fantastic author, you must be an amazing mother. That's the only way you could write this with such heart.

This one is going in my favorites.

Author's Response: Aww, Farmgirl. Thanks!

It took me this long to figure out what to say after getting such a fantastic review like this one. The reality of parenthood is pretty much universal. I'm glad the family interactions felt real too. That was something I put a lot of effort into. These characters DO know each other inside and out, how could they not? Especially after all they've been through together.

Boy, you really know how to render a person speechless with compliments! I don't know about amazing, but I'd like to think that years from now, my kids turn out to be decent people. I think that's all that anyone can hope for.

Thanks so much for your wonderful and touching review!



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Review #3, by MissMdsty Between Us Girls

11th April 2013:
Hello! Review tag!

I loved this! It was so funny (and I know by now you write funny like nobody's business) and still true at the same time. It was so typical Hermione to over react at something her daughter would say about a boy. It's not like they can run away into the night at nine.. okay.. almost ten.

Hermione was very in character. Always the over analyzer and the perfectionist, I can see her worrying about her daughter's use of the word "hot".

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping the "hot" boy would be somebody from a family they didn't like and I was right! That just put the biggest smile on my face!

This was very sweet and nicely written! Good job!

Author's Response: Hello!

So sorry this has taken so long to respond to. Oh, the excuses!

Anyway, thank you so much for your incredibly kind compliments on my humor writing. I never thought of myself as a humor writer, I still don't, actually. I try for the truth though, so I guess it's good that you thought it was both funny and true. :)

Hermione was the perfect character for a setup like this. Someone who's so over-analytical would definitely get their head spun up about a situation like this, and wouldn't know where to start to cope with it. Thank goodness for family!

It was too good of a setup to not take advantage of fanon and write in the "hot" boy as someone that Rose's parents wouldn't approve of. Even a rule-abiding hot head like Rose needs something to rebel against.

Thanks so much for your wonderful review!It makes me so happy when people enjoy my stories and let me know about it!



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Review #4, by Alopex Between Us Girls

5th April 2013:
Awww, this was super cute! I like how you had a mixture of kid stuff (as viewed through the parents' eyes) and adult stuff (since Hermione was the narrator, after all). It rang true, as far as I could tell, which I'm sure is largely due to the fact that you are a parent yourself.

I figured from the beginning that this story was going to have Scorpius in it, but then I changed my mind partway due to Hermione's assumptions. That would have been an interesting, unique approach to take, actually. However, who can give up the potential tension and messiness of Ron discovering his daughter has a crush on a Malfoy? :P From the outside, it's fun to imagine observing, which no doubt is one reason so many people write about it.

I liked the approach you took here as well, having Rose be so young still. That gives the story a different flavor than if the kids are older, like on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, or teenagers, even. It made the story seem more cute.

Nicely written. I enjoyed this story. :-)

Author's Response:

Hi!

Gosh, this was written quite a while ago. I still have a teensy bit of editing to do on this that I have totally forgotten about. Thanks for the reminder. :)

Yes, who can resist the mess? I couldn't. Life is messy, after all. But I liked playing around with Hermione's assumptions. She'd be the type who would decide that her first assumptions were right until proven wrong.

I needed the kids to be younger for this to work the way I wanted it to. There's an innocent enthusiasm that kids this age have that goes away too quickly. I wanted to capture some of that.

Thanks so much for the review! :)


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Review #5, by Gryffindor Secret Santa Between Us Girls

16th December 2012:
This was so adorable on about a million and a half different levels.

I loved the way you started it. Hermione in her own head is a dangerous thing. Usually her ability to analyze, to problem solve, is so amazing but in this instance it's really just not doing her any good. I loved the contrasts you made to her and Ginny. Not only did they feel appropriate, but they made for an awesomely entertaining read.

Ohh the conversation with Rose. I'd want cookies to have to talk about that with my daughter (my imaginary daughter) as well. I think Hermione did really good subtly veering them back to the subject each time and getting a few answers from Rose. That seemed to calm her down enough, for now.

I was really disappointed at first when it was going to be one of Seamus's. I mean, not that it made your writing any less wonderful, but the whole time I had my heart set on Scorpius and THEN you surprised me! And I love how Hermione is so certain he'll be mean then when he's not it's like I can actually feel her relief.

The title was very appropriate. I can't even count how many times in the past I've told my mom something then quickly added, 'but don't tell dad, this is just between us girls.'

Another really lovely one shot!

Author's Response: It's Santa again!

This was a fun one-shot to write and I'm so glad you enjoyed poor Hermione's predicament. Her overanalyzing really isn't doing her much good. In fact, it's probably making things worse for her. And, surprise! Haha. I'm relieved that my bait and switch worked out for the best. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my one-shot!

Happy Christmas, Santa!


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Review #6, by potterfan310 Between Us Girls

29th May 2012:
From Gryffie Review thread -

aww this is adorbale :) and a really good story
I love How the boy Rose called 'hot' wasn't Scorpius, that actually surprised me when I read it.

The bond between Hermione and Rose is well written and you can see the love they have and how close they are. I could deffinatly see Hermione (and maybe Ron) over reacting at something like that.

I really liked the conversation she had with Ginny. I mean she had a crush on Harry since meeting him when she was 11 so it was good to have her bring her experience to the conversation. You characterised Ginny, Hermione and Rose really well.
This story and it's characters are loveable and The plot flows well.
10/10
-potterfan310

P.s It Might have been nice to see Ron's reaction to having his daughter call a boy 'hot'

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Actually, it was a bait and switch, and then another switch, so if you read it correctly, Scorpius ended up being the "hot" boy after all.

I'm so glad you thought that Hermione, Ginny and Rose were characterized appropriately. I know it would have been fun to see Ron's reaction to the situation. Unfortunately, as the title states, Ron doesn't get to have a say... this time. ;)


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Review #7, by Cassius Alcinder Between Us Girls

15th May 2012:
This was a very nice and humorous story to enjoy. Hermione and Ginny seemed perfectly executed; we could see their peronalities from the books reflected, but it was well adaped to how they would likely act when they are grown and have children.

The interaction between Rose and Hermione was great, and I could totally see Hermione overreacting to everything like that. Also, I was totally expecting the boy at the end to be Scorpius, so nice job pulling out a surprise and avoiding the cliche.

Author's Response:

Aging characters get tricky sometimes, but it's a challenge I really enjoyed! Thanks so much for your review. I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #8, by horseyrosyrb Between Us Girls

31st March 2012:
Here from the Gryffie review thread!
I loved this so much. It was adorable and realistic and I completely loved Rose's characterisation. You also did justice to Hermione, Ginny and Fleur and I thought the ending was perfect. Well done, and I can't wait to read more of yours in the future.
~horseyrosyrb

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and your very fine compliments! So glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #9, by ginerva_molly_weasley Between Us Girls

25th March 2012:
Oh my! This is so funny!

I was laughing all the way through at Hermione's dismay over the fact that Rose had called a boy 'hot!' In this day and age it's almost normal for younger children to come out with statements like that however you can just imagine Hermione being all prim and proper and worrying about it. Personally I would be the Ginny just laughing at Hermione!

I loved how you progressed this and kept Rose with such a child like voice. I have often noticed that one of the hardest things about writing children is keeping them at the right age as it is very easy to make them sound too old or too young!

The scene at the park was brilliant because it was a little Sco/Rose story when they were young and I adore ScoRose so much! Well done on this story!

Author's Response: Ah, you put a big smile on my face!

So glad you liked the little Sco/Rose in the park scene, and the voice of little Rosie. Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #10, by CambAngst Between Us Girls

10th March 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I don't know anything about the challenge that you wrote this story for, but the idea was really original. I always felt like the Hermione I knew from the books was going to be this sort of parent, especially where her daughter was concerned. Over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-reacting and over-protecting... Hermione isn't one to do something halfway. Your characterization of all three canon characters was spot-on perfect.

Her interaction with Ginny was masterfully written. Ginny has so much more experience with crushes, plus she's calmer and more level-headed. I thought it was great how she was trying -- and failing -- not to laugh at Hermione for being so overly worried. Her advice was sage on this topic.

Hermione's conversation with Rosie was appropriately halting and awkward. There's just no easy way for a parent and child to have this conversation. But I like the way that you slowly and gradually broke down the walls. Nothing came off as too easy, and there were some missteps before Rose finally opens up. Bribery with cookies and promises of a trip back to the park were great tactics.

And then we come to the encounter in the park. You had me going for a while with the Finnegan kid. I guess I've read too much Next Gen fan fic, because at some level I just had a feeling that it was going to be Scorpius. Once again, you let the story develop nice and slow, which I really appreciated. A lot of people have a tendency to rush through one-shots, but you have a knack for taking your time without the story feeling pokey. I really like the way that you characterized Fleur, the wise, older expert on all things love-related.

There just isn't much I can suggest in the way of improvement. This is very well written. Your writing flows nicely, you have a great mix of narrative and dialog and the pacing is really great. Good work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!

The challenge was to keep the one-shot at 3000 words or less. When I wrote this, it came in at just under 4k, so I took about a thousand words out. It was a great experiment and I learned a lot about how to get to the point without sacrificing the story. :) So glad you found everyone in character and enjoyed my little piece. I certainly enjoyed your review!


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Review #11, by shadowcat2 Between Us Girls

30th January 2012:
Wow. This is absolutely amazing. Trust me, I have read a lot of fan fictions in the last 5 years. But this one shot was totally new. I could actually picture the whole story i my head. i really liked how you portrayed Hermione's worries. Your Hermione was so canon. The interaction between Ginny and Hermione was enjoyable. I also loved the last twist. You totally misled us with the Finnigan kid. I didn't expect the other boy to be Scorpius. Although the "sneer" should have given me a hint. :p

Author's Response: Hello there!

Amazing? *blush* Thanks a lot! I truly wanted to have a "grown up" Hermione and Ginny here, but still have them recognizable as the same characters. I'm so happy you thought she was canon. I thought the "sneer" was a dead giveaway, but I'm glad it surprised you. Thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing. It means a lot!


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Review #12, by daliha Between Us Girls

6th August 2011:
Hermione and Rose remind of me and my little sisters. I go into panic mode when ever I feel like they're growing up to fast. Good job on representing Hermione's motherly side.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by and reviewing. I really appreciate you taking a look!

Yes, it's a very panicky feeling when you realize that changes are coming. I'm glad you thought that was represented well.

Thanks again!

pix


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Review #13, by LillyRoseanne Between Us Girls

12th April 2010:
This is brilliant! Completely void of 'Purple prose' and I love it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was a little angsty when I went through and chopped all the words out, but I think it worked. I'm so glad you liked it!

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Review #14, by Akussa Between Us Girls

29th March 2010:
Wow. I really had a good time reading this piece. I can easily imagine Hermione panic like this over the dramatic subjects of "boys"!
And the conversation with Ginny; really, I felt like you respected the caracters and their backgrounds and it transpired in their ways of thinking.
I liked the way you misdirected the reader into thinking that the hot-boy was the Finnigan boy.

Well done!

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so glad you had a good time. That means a lot to me.

Yes, I tried with the voices. I'm glad you felt that way. And the misdirection was part of my "confuse the Hermione" plan. Which was fun.

Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #15, by theelderwand Between Us Girls

21st March 2010:
"Imprisonment isn't effective, especially if your children are talented."

No truer words were ever spoken (unfortunately. LOL).

Sorry it took me awhile to drop by. Rest assured, I'm glad I did.

Brilliant tale. The slow reveals were exceptionally well done. First, that the pov is Hermione's, then, who the "hot" boy is were both perfectly executed. Well done.

And, it was a superb plot twist to misdirect to Seamus' son. Naturally, I immediately assumed it was Scorpius that was the object of the girl's affection once it was made clear the girl in question was Hermione's daughter. Nicely done to bait and switch; it's always good to keep us guessing!

I also like how you managed to keep all of this in canon; it seems to blend quite well with the epilogue in DH.

The humor (redefine both the terms "conniption and "fit") and Hermione's subtle angst (she's only nine!) were well turned.

A great one-shot.

Author's Response:
Hey! Thanks for dropping by. Your words are too kind!

I'm glad you enjoyed the reveals. I certainly amused myself by them! I was one of the readers who was surprised by the eventual R/Hr pairing in JKR's later books, so I thought it would be fun to mirror it here, especially since it would be an additional point of confusion for 'mom'.

I know all good stories have to include some kind of conflict. That was something I wasn't sure I had enough of to make this a complete piece. So it's nice that you commented about the 'subtle angst', because that's all that was really warranted here. I have an awful time putting characters in bad situations... I guess I'm just too nice. Working on that tho'.

Your review is most appreciated! I love that you stopped by to take a look!


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Review #16, by butterbeergal Between Us Girls

17th March 2010:
That was really very entertaining!

I never thought the day would come when I could picture Hermione as a mother. In the other next gen fics I've read, the Hermione in my mind was the same one in Deathly Hallows. But with yours, this was the first time I actually thought of her as a mother, as someone who had a husband, and not the awkward braniac we're all too familiar with. I guess it's safe to say, then, that with regards to voice, you did a fantastic job. And Ginny seems like a very hip mother here, I like it. Their dialogues were very funny and I could actually hear the banter in my head. I caught myself laughing more than once. Rosie, too, was adorable! I really liked how you managed to make this seem so innocent and genuine and not at all contrived and corny.

My favorite moment by far was this:

a teenaged drugged up... pregnant..." I tried to think of something worse than that... "...school drop out because her mother is a heartless prude.

Trust Hermione (and only Hermione) to think of being a school drop-out as something worse than a drug addict. It reminded me of that moment in Sorcerer's Stone when she told Harry and Ron that they could have gotten themselves killed or worse, expelled. Haha! Very nice.

Sneering skinny boy - that, by far, is the funniest thing I've heard in relation to Scorpius Malfoy. Now every time I read about him, sneering skinny boy will pop into my head.

Technically, I identified only minor issues of punctuation and capitalization, especially where the dialogues are concerned. But they weren't too distracting and they didn't affect the humor of your fic.

You've really managed to come up with something so authentic and believable, like something you've actually experienced. I really enjoyed this, Pixileanin. Good job. Thank you so much for requesting a review.

Cheers,
G

P.S. Please accept my sincerest apologies for being so horribly late in leaving a review. No excuses. Again, I'm so sorry.

Author's Response:
Wow. Thanks a bunch for your stupendous review!

I always saw Hermione as over thinking things, so I figured, she would probably continue that trend as she matured. And it seemed feasible that Ginny would be a more 'hip' (as you put it) mother with all her sibling experience.

Your favorite moment was indeed a mirror of the Sorcerer's Stone. :) I couldn't pass it up!

I'm glad you liked the "sneering skinny boy" description. I had a difficult time finding simple language for Rosie's playmates that would distinguish them from each other and still be meaningful.

I'll look into the punctuation issues, and I also noticed that the paragraph spacing isn't to my liking in some places. Thanks for the heads up.

I haven't read much early childhood Next Gen, so it seemed like the perfect place to play around. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!


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Review #17, by presi Between Us Girls

15th March 2010:
very very very nice, i cant put my finger to what exactly makes me feel, but its a good feeling! Keep it up.

MEL

Author's Response: Thank you very very much! I'm glad you got a good feeling!

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Review #18, by propertyoftheHBP Between Us Girls

14th March 2010:
Hey there! I came across this looking at someone else's review thread, your summary caught my eye, so I thought I'd give it a go. I'm very glad I did, it was so funny! Very original, and not cliched at all.

I loved Hermione's characterization throughout -- the way she was spazzing out in the beginning, to the simple acceptance in the end was perfectly fitting for her, and it being in her POV was all the more funnier. Just what I'd expect of Hermione.

You definitely got me about halfway through -- I thought little Leo was the 'hot' one after all, and was all disappointed when I thought it wasn't Scorpius. xD

I did see something that stuck out a bit to me: (then again, I'm probably being overly-nitpicky)

"No, it's not them. It's zat other one. Can you imagine him explaining to his parents that his new nickname is 'bug'?"

I like that you made an effort to include Fleur's accent, but shouldn't the 'that' in the third sentence be 'zat', as well? Very minor, and it didn't stop me from loving the story at all, but I figured I might as well point it out. :)

Lovely story!

Author's Response:
Hi! Thanks for finding my little piece and leaving a review!

Ahh, consistency. I'll get to that and fix it. Thanks.

I'm glad you liked Hermione. This was really fun to write, especially from her perspective. She seemed the most likely to overreact to something like this, yet rational enough to come to terms with it later.

I'm tickled that you found it funny and not cliched. Hopefully, it lived up to its summary! :)


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Review #19, by MichaelTurpin Between Us Girls

14th March 2010:
First of all, a warning: If this review is not gonna make you happy, that's my fault. I always find it hard to give just reviews to a story that was good itself, but didn't suit my tastes at all. So whatever I'm gonna say: your story is good.
Your flow of writing is natural, and little Rose is really cute. Hermione's character totally suits the original person, and so does Ron's (although he was just mentioned in conjunction with the "conniption" & "fit" thing, which was really good).
Whom I liked most, though, was Ginny. This is just the way I always imagined her to be as a mother.

But why, why, why? Why is everyone asking me for reviews one of those Scorpius/Rose-fans?? I understand the fact that there isn't really anyone else left for Rose to date, but to couple them just because you lack alternatives? What a shame.
You're pretty lucky this is taking place somewhere in the future. Cause last time I checked, nine-year-olds didn't call each other hot. Or "bug", for that matter.

Which leads me to your mentioning of the desert bug. Scorpions are spiders and not bugs :-)

One section I completely didn't understand. It would become much more understandable if you'd add info on who is speaking.
' "I didn’t know you well back then. Besides, you can't tell me that you knew you were in love when you were ten."
I stared her down.
"Okay." [what, okay?]
I sighed with relief.
"For your sake, I won't. [won't do what?]
If it makes you feel better." '
After reading it several times, I finally understood what you meant, but it still didn't make very good reading at this section.


Rating: 7/10 (5/10 being the average story on HPFF)
No real surprises, nothing thought-provoking, romantic, scary or funny. Your idea with the pictures for each person's name was really good, though. All in all, good work.

Oh, by the way: you managed to write a Harry-Potter-fanfic without using either of the words "wand", "spell", or "magic". Congratulations :-)

Author's Response: Hey! I didn't realize that I hadn't used those words. That IS an accomplishment! :)

I understand it's not really your thing, and I was expecting it not to be. It was written for a challenge where I had to use less than 3000 words, and I had to cut out more than 1000 words. So I was curious if it did what it was supposed to. I'm glad you thought the characters were suitable, and that you liked Ginny.

Thanks for your comments on the dialogue. Oh, and it really depends on which nine year olds you talk to these days... sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. ;)

I'm glad you took the time to review. I really appreciate it!



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Review #20, by Adelheid Between Us Girls

1st March 2010:
That was very enjoyable!!! I can see the movie clip in my head. It is hard when you discover your kid is cooler than you were. Nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm sure Hermione was feeling the same way. :)

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Review #21, by hplover123 Between Us Girls

28th February 2010:
this was quite cute, hermione made me laugh lol

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was fun to write!

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Review #22, by redherring Between Us Girls

28th February 2010:
Oh, I just loved this! It was both adorable and utterly hilarious. Little Rose was so sweet and Hermione's various worries were realistic but brilliantly funny - I especially enjoyed the bit about all the potential ways your child could die xD I also liked the style of this - it seemed very natural and it all flowed very well. Brilliant work, and a new one for my favourites list :)

Author's Response: Really?! Thank you so much. I'm just happy someone took a look at it. Kids are a lot like cats when it comes to curiosity, except for the nine lives... I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this so much! Thanks for taking the time to read it and for such a wonderful review!

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