Brilliant! Gosh, I can't believe I've never commented on your stuff before. I love it all so much, but this definitely got to me. It was so beautifully written. So sad.
I normally dislike stream of consciousness but you pulled it off so well. Wow. I'm so jealous.Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It's fantastic to hear that the story was so affecting - I hoped it would be, but the whole style of it sometimes gets in the way, thankfully not for you. ^_^
Stream of consciousness is very strange to write, and it means a lot to hear it worked out for this story - capturing Tonks from this point of view made it easier to emphasize her emotional state. Making it make sense however. XD
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story, even more for loving it! Report Review
"They say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. Itís odd to think that oneís whole life could flash by in an instant, reliving itself just as you breathe your last. But it is no more than a poetic metaphor thatís meant to comfort and terrify, forming that perfect moment of sublimity that people strive all their lives to reach. "
just reading the first paragraph, got me instantly hooked! It's very creative and fills the reader's mind with endless possibilities of wonders of the life beyond. And you opened it.
Great one short. Loved it completely.Author's Response: Thank you! It's great to hear that you liked that first paragraph, and the one-shot as a whole! :) Report Review
I think this is just lovely. The flow, even if a little confusing is never jarring, because the words are all so elegantly put together.
I usually enjoy the stream of conciousness style of writing when done well, and I think it works well given the subject matter - death is maelstrom of emotion I'd imagine. Even if you don't believe in anything beyond this world - just those dying nerves and brain cells firing off all together.
I've always thought it particularly tragic that both Tonks and Remus left their son to fight, like he was secondary to them. Tonks knew how big of a risk it was and yet she still went after Remus, I like how you touched on that here.Author's Response: The confusion is always an unfortunate side-effect of attempting the stream of consciousness style, but the flow is definitely more important to capture, and I'm very glad that I did. The problem with writing about death is trying to imagine what it would be like, and that's impossible to do - like you said, the brain would be so full of everything, all of life vanishing forever, that headless chicken syndrome. Maelstrom of emotion is the best way to describe it, and I suppose in that light, it does suit the stream of consciousness style. There's no other way to describe it realistically, or at least as close to realism as one can imagine.
I think the thing that bothered me most about Tonks's portrayal in DH was that she did leave her son to follow Remus. It didn't follow the pattern of other mothers within the series, all of whom seemed so closely connected with their children, whereas Tonks is first and foremost an Auror, I suppose. Either that or she placed her love for Remus above that for Teddy, and that seems too selfish for Tonks. It's something that has bothered me, and I wanted to explore it a bit in this story. I'm glad that you liked the inclusion of it - it's a touchy topic, and I wasn't sure that I'd handled it with enough sensitivity.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story. Going through your review has made me think deeply about the style and how I dealt with the characters within that style - it was a hard story to write, both in its emotional pull and in keeping the style in control. It means a lot that you enjoyed it. ^_^ Report Review
Another very well-written story, although I felt heartbroken when Tonks said that she did not love Teddy. Realistic, poignant, and sad. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you again for the kind words! This was a much harder story to write, partially because it bothered me how, in DH, JKR not only killed off Tonks, but did so in a way that really set Tonks apart from Lily. Yes, they both died valiantly and violently, but Tonks leaves her son behind to follow after her husband - that made me wonder whether Tonks had that same deep connection with her son that Lily had with Harry. Tonks may have loved Teddy, but not in the way she thought she should. It's a very sad and complicated thing. Report Review
that's the only word that comes even near to doing justice to your stories.
I am in love with your stories.
This one was fantastic. Have nefer read something so real and describing of such a situation...
gr8 going.Author's Response: Really? :O Wow, this is fantastic to hear and thank you for taking the time to tell me so. It was quite an experience to write this story, there was so much to it, especially emotion. To hear that someone has liked it this much means a lot. ^_^
Thank you! Report Review
it's beautiful. So amazingly beautiful, I could barely even take my eyes away ferom it. It's complete poetic genius. I wish i could do that. and truth be told, I followed it simply. You could write a poem. About anything. I love it. it definetly has that feel to it. it has that OOMPH to it all. I loved it. a LOT!Author's Response: How do I respond to this? Gosh, this is a hugely complimentary review and I'm so happy to have gotten it. ^_^ Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to hear that you loved it. Report Review
that was absolutely amazing. that was the best piece of fan fiction i have ever read. you actually made me cry. and no other fan fic has ever made me do that before. that was beautiful and so sad. loved it.Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! This is fantastic to hear, and I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review this.
I actually made you cry! It's a great thing that the story was able to evoke such a response, but I'm also sad to have made you cry. Once again, thank you! Report Review
Fourth time in the past 2 hours I've tried to write this! I promised myself I wasn't going to turn this into a pointless squee that makes me out to be like some overexcited newbie fangirl but I'm afraid it might just end up so.
Divine? Would that do? Tonks was both in character and yet somewhat out of it at the same time. Her situation, her thoughts, her emotion, it was all very her but in such an eloquent manner of phrasing that is usually not associated with her. Every word simply dripped with the desperation, the need to be with him, the love she evidently feels towards him and which is so poorly touched upon in the books that this almost completes it.
If there is one thing I admire about your writing more than any other part, it's how you make me slow down to read. I'm horrific at reading something without thinking, reading and not taking it in, skimming it and missing a crucial point, but whenever I come to read something of yours, I cannot help but take every word in because every word is important. There is absolutely nothing in your writing that feels superfluous or unnecessary, and it manages that whilst still being breathtakingly beautiful.
The opening paragraph created a lot of intrigue and interest, in all its simplicity. Despite it being stream of consciousness, I actually found it flowed very neatly together and wasn't overly tricky to follow - saying that, as I said, I was reading very slowly and attentively.
Between me last trying to review and writing this, another review has popped up. I must completely disagree with her note on your sentence length. I think it was actually the long, flowing sentences that made it so much more emotional. I think separating them up would certainly take something away from it. I often find longer sentences in other people's work as a negative thing - there's a rambling aspect and lack of focus on the message the line is trying to get across - but you are completely the opposite. I absolutely adore your longer structures because they manage to maintain my interest continuously.
This is me trying to sound very intelligent and mature and I know I've probably done nothing more than tell you exactly what you already know but I honestly never have words for your writing that surpass fangirlish squealing. It's my pathetic excuse for not reviewing off my own back, and one which I am terribly ashamed of.
As expected, this is an absolutely stunning piece of writing. I could pick my favourite lines out but I'd probably exceed the review word limit.
I absolutely adored it.
- RachelAuthor's Response: Thank you for this, Rachel! I'm sorry it took you so long to write this, and even moreso that it took me so long to respond. It's been wonderful getting a review from you! ^_^
So the characterization, while not completely on, still works? That's good, as it was something that I wasn't sure about at all. The story popped out like this and I knew it wasn't quite Tonks, yet at the same time, there's so much about Tonks we don't know that I thought I could get away with it. I think it's the pain and suffering aspect of her character that comes through most here, and it's an aspect of her that's passed over so much in the books. There are glimpses of it in HBP and less so in DH, but her tragic flaw is her love for Remus, a love that doesn't suit her character as she appeared in OotP. But the emotion is the important part here, and I'm very glad that it came through with that desperation and depth.
The opening paragraph fell into my head one day - it was very random, and it doesn't perfectly mesh with the rest of the story, but it did help me get into the style, the first person narration that addresses a second person. It worked as a diving board, and it's good to hear that it captured your interest.
I'm still going to check some of the sentences for length, just in case, but I'll keep your point in mind, too. :D The longer sentences do tend to suit the stream of consciousness style better, but there may be cases in which I should put a full-stop or semi-colon instead of a comma (the latter of which I abuse like no tomorrow, haha). I'm going to remember your point about the emotion, though, as the more emotional points require that run-on sentence to properly express them, if that makes sense at all.
Thank you again for this review, Rachelle! It means a lot that you've enjoyed this story. ^_^ Report Review
This fiction was extremely interesting. I was not expecting this at all and I was thoroughly surprised. Not to say that I did not LOVE it! Because I absolutely did.
Starting off, Remus/Tonks is one of my favorite ships. I just absolutely love them together and when they died in the novel, I just lost it. I think that is why this story was so emotional for me. I was almost crying at the end of it! It was magnificent how you could actually sway my emotions like that. I really felt the emotions Tonks was feeling, I really saw the things she was seeing. It was awesome that I could actually put myself in her shoes and experience it. On the Remus side: although the story wasn't from his POV, I felt you characterized him very well. The whole "monster; I'm not good for you" thing was well displayed. Yet Tonks wanted him so badly. And that's what I loved so much. The only thing I was surprised about when it came to Tonks' character was how she felt about the baby. I never imagined it like that but I can't deny it was interesting.
My favorite thing about this, though, would have to be the actual way it was written. Most of the times she remembers Remus, she simply says "you." And, for some reason, I loved that a lot. I feel by making that simple decision to use "you" a lot really made it a lot more intimate and emotional. Maybe it's weird that I feel that way, but, hey, I do.
The one piece of criticism I have is really not that big of a deal. Some of the sentences were slightly long and where you used commas, you could have used periods to shorten them. I'm sure your intention was to have them flow and I understand this was a SoC piece (which was also EXTREMELY interesting and well displayed) but sometimes it got a little much. Just adding some shorter sentences would have been nice.
Overall, I'm going to give this a 10/10! I think I score really easily and I feel like I just love everything, but oh well! I absolutely adored this piece (one of my favorites I've read) and you completely deserve the score. Your excellent SoC form alone was amazing! Keep up the great work!
- KaitlinAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for this, Kaitlin! I've started to respond to it a few times, but it's been hard to come up with something that expresses my gratitude properly. It means a lot that you've enjoyed this story and that it surprised you (I love doing that :P). It's also great that you liked it even with R/T as one of your favourite ships - I know that I didn't portray the ship too positively here, and that was worrying me, especially with how shippers would react to Remus's strange behaviour and Tonks's inability to cope with her love for him.
It's actually one of the few first person stories I've written, and maybe the narration made the emotions even stronger. I felt like I was inside of Tonks's head, or at least inside the head of someone experiencing all that pain. I'm glad that the "you" aspect of it also worked, as that was what initially came to me when I thought about writing another R/T story. Having Tonks talking to Remus about all this makes it more personal and, because of that, more painful because it's like a letter that she's pouring herself into writing to him.
Tonks's reaction to Teddy is perhaps the thing I'm least comfortable about in this story. On the one hand, I can't see Tonks disliking her own child, not when she wanted it that badly. However, on the other hand, it does make sense because she left Teddy in order to follow Remus and join the battle - there had to be something in JKR's strange way of handling Tonks's character in DH. I did get the idea from Elesphyl's story "Child of Devil Born", which takes that sensitive issue even further.
I'll have to check through those individual sentences for the length. I've a horrible habit of making very long sentences, and the SoC style here did not help that habit at all. :P If anything, I think it made it worse. Thanks for pointing those out! And thank you again for the review - I really appreciate hearing from you on this! :D Report Review
This made me cry. Such a beautifully written story; both broke and warmed my heart. Just... amazing work, Susan. Keep it up :)Author's Response: Thank you, Steph! It's a great surprise to hear from you, and it's wonderful that you enjoyed this story. *hugs* Report Review
Susan, I am on the verge of crying (why is it everything you write makes me tear up?) This was so powerful and such an emotional read for me! It was...well, it was simply heartwrenching and so beautiful!
For a moment, I felt as though I was standing beside Tonks, feeling her pain. I think you captured them both so wonderfully. Remus is a very interesting character and hard to pull off well in my opinion. I think you capture his character extremely well!
I think this one shot hit me more emotionally in particular because I've dealt with deaths of close friends, as well as having to deal with relationships that could never work because the guy doesn't love me back the way i want him to.so I can really relate to Tonks in this one.
The ending was perfect. The way you brought back the image of the light again and again and entwined the lyrics of that song was just perfect. my favorite lines: "My open eyes seek your face and find their mark. I see your heart upon it, reflected in every line, every scar. I see your heart as I have never before, and I see that I was wrong.
I am dead, but the light is not out. It can never go out.
You must not let it."
all in all, great job Susan! It was a great read. I hope you write more things in the future! And I hope you write original fiction as well because your hpff is absolutely flawless and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. :)
and Alora's banner is simply fantastic! It fits perfectly with the story! (course her graphic work over at TDA is always jaw dropping amazing).Author's Response: Alora's banner fits so perfectly, and I knew I couldn't make one that would work better, even if I tried to include Remus somehow. Of course, it's brilliant to have another of her banners (I love collecting those of various artists ^_^).
Anyway, thank you for this glorious review, Sarah! I love the long ones, even though it seems to take me forever to get to responding to them. That I made you cry is both great and horrible, and I'm sorry that you did (even though it means that the story worked emotionally, which makes me glad). That these emotions are relatable is even better - it's actually not something I thought about when writing.
The characters were strange to write, as they turned out differently from how I wrote them in another one-shot, and I wasn't at all sure if they were to canon. Remus is hard to pull off, definitely one of the most difficult to write, and that's partially why I made him so distant in this story. It's easier to paint the shadow of him than try to get into the details.
The ending I had re-written to bring the song into it more and to make it a "happier" ending (or at least less depressing :P), so it's fantastic that you liked this version. Re-reading what you quoted, I have to admit that it is moving to picture that moment when they see each other, just before she dies.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this, Sarah. It means a lot to hear from you. ^_^ Report Review
This was absolutely wonderful, Violet! I've never read a Tonks/Remus that captured such an alternate view of Tonks, before. You can feel her pain, the way she longs to be loved by Remus -- and I'm glad that she was wrong. I'm glad that despite it all, before she faded into nothingness, she could see that he did love her, even when he didn't want to.
You capture them so richly that honestly, I don't know what else to say. I'm left speechless and spellbound.
You are running out the door, your lingering kiss still warm on my lips. You did it to silence me, to placate me, I know it, but I remain silent as the door shuts. Gone. You are going to die. Alone.
In one moment, I reject what I fought so hard for. Teddy is more real than me, and I cannot love him.
Oh, my goodness. Those are two of my favorite lines. Even though the Order was a cause that Tonks believed in, I had always wondered if she believed in it enough to leave her child behind to fight for it? Just, the conflicting feelings she has is conveyed so brilliantly that I feel like my words and thoughts are all jumbling together.
Excellent job! Wonderful one-shot! ♥Author's Response: That twist at the end wasn't going to happen initially, but I couldn't end the story on such a depressing note, with Tonks believing that he never actually loved her, when that can't be true. Remus may be reserved and damaged, but he's not cruel and heartless - he would not have had a relationship with her for nothing. I'm still not sure if I caught their relationship "correctly" here, as the story took on a life of its own, going in its own direction. I like what you say about Remus not wanting to love her, but also not being able to help it - I'd never thought of it that way before, and it adds a more painful element to their relationship.
It's fantastic that you liked the characterizations, as they were a major anxiety for me - both of them seem off to me, not quite canon, but maybe that's because so little of both of them was seen in DH, so we can't know what they were like during that book, especially Tonks. I focused more on her conflict, though, and I'm glad that you liked how that was portrayed.
Thank you for this wonderful review! It was a pleasure to receive and reply to, and I appreciate hearing from you. ^_^ Report Review
That was brilliant and I was nearly crying at the end! JilyRonks xAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! ^_^ Report Review
I loved it! I clicked because of the title; I have never heard the song, though I will be going to download it right now, but I just thought the title was so poetic and beautiful that I had to read the story, and it did not dissapoint. The story flowed wonderfully and it had me in tears at the end. Fantastic job, 10/10!Author's Response: It's a moving title, and the song itself is haunting in how it keeps repeating the title. Both the title and the song made for a great point of inspiration for the story, and I couldn't have written it without either. :D
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's wonderful to know that you enjoyed it, and that the emotions in it were strong enough to bring on the tears (making readers cry is one of those odd things that is both good and sad to do). ^_^ Report Review
Liam linked me to this and I'm really glad he did. I've read some of your other stories as well, but I've never had the time to leave a review before - I don't think (unless I totally spaced it)
Anyway, I really love how this started. The idea of life flashing before your eyes. It's normally slightly overused but you gave it your own spin - making it something unique in the process.
"But it is no more than a poetic metaphor that's meant to comfort and terrify, forming that perfect moment of sublimity that people strive all their lives to reach. "
I thought the bits with Teddy were really interesting too. You really humanized Tonks. She was young, she wasn't perfect, she had flaws... things that are easy to forget when one normally reads about her. Both her and Remus tend to be glorified, but you really made them real. Relatable.
I loved it.
(and epic banner btw)
HannahAuthor's Response: He did?! That was very good of him, and I'm glad that you read and reviewed this story. I have this feeling that you've reviewed something of mine before, but I can't remember what (spacing here, too :P).
I have this bad habit when writing of taking overused things and trying to rework them into something different, or showing them from a different point of view. It makes for a challenge, at the very least, and it's great to hear that it worked for this story. For some reason, it just felt right to start it off like that.
As for the Teddy thing, it's still something I'm not sure about. I wanted to make Tonks flawed and also to show that maybe she made a mistake in marrying Remus - that she maybe wasn't the right type of person for him. When reading the book, I had an issue with the idea of her being tossed off into the corner to have a baby when, before that point, she'd been an Auror on the frontlines. It was one of the things I wanted to work through in this story, and that it made her more realistic on the way is awesome. :D
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Hannah! It was fantastic to hear from you! And Em's banner is so perfect - I had to have it when I saw it. ^_^ Report Review
I clicked because I adore the song -- I must say I loved the story almost equally. It was very eloquent, and I do have a soft spot for Tonks and Remus.
Umm... you put 'steam of conciousness'. I think that's wrong...
xEAuthor's Response: It's a great song - I've been wanting to write a story for it for a while now, and it somehow seemed to best suit Remus and Tonks, especially in DH. It's fantastic that the title caught your eye like this!
Thank you for the correction and for reading/reviewing. It means a lot to hear from you! :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection