Reading Reviews for Almost the Chosen One
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by melian Chapter 4 : The First Visit

10th August 2011:
Thank you! For a while I"ve been wondering why Alice Longbottom's hair is grey when Harry et al encounter her in St Mungo's - the idea that the prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus curse was responsible is an excellent one. Again, it seems obvious in retrospect, which means that you've done a great job in thinking things through.

As for Neville's pain, well that was heartbreaking, having those screams echoing around like that. He would have been absolutely traumatised by what had transpired, and this is a really good way of showing it. I'm really feeling for Augusta here, and with even Scrimgeour reacting like that it must be truly awful to witness.

Even if you didn't finish this story, I think you did a really good job with what I've read so far, and if you chose to continue it I think you could turn it into quite an arresting fic. Well done!

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Sorry for the horrible lateness in my respond, I've been kept away from my computer and this place for almost a year!!

Thanks none the less for taking the time to review my story, I'm glad you liked the feeling of it!


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Review #2, by melian Chapter 3 : Delivering the news

10th August 2011:
Right. I like how it's still unclear what damage has been done to the Longbottoms, that's very realistic because even with magical diagnosis it would take a while for the full extent of the damage to become clear. And I LOVE how Nevile was asleep between them, holding their hands. Even if they weren't aware of it, it's a lovely scene and speaks volumes for how close this family was. Was. That still upsets me. :(

One question, though - why did Scrimgeour have to introduce himself if he and Augusta used to work together? Surely just a "it's Rufus" would have sufficed.

Anyway, you've again done really well here. Onwards I go. :D

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Sorry for the horrible lateness in my respond, I've been kept away from my computer and this place for almost a year!!

Thanks none the less for taking the time to review my story, I'm glad you liked the feeling of it! And you are very right for pointing out the Rufus thing, it would be unnesscary for him to specify considering their relation.


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Review #3, by melian Chapter 2 : The Nightmare

10th August 2011:
One comment - no parent would get the age of their first child wrong. At the beginning of December Neville would have just gone 16 months, not 18. Just an observation. Equally, Harry's parents died one month before, not two - there's only 31 days between 31 October and 1 December. Secondly, it's spelled Rodolphus, not Rodolfus. An easy mistake to make but I thought I'd mention it. :)

Besides all that, this was very well written, especially for a first fic. I could feel the fear and tension in the house as the Lestranges and Barty Crouch made their move. I think you got Bella's denial down pat - she really would have refused to believe Voldemort was gone, simply because that was the world as she knew it, what she'd pinned her hopes and dreams on.

As for poor Neville, having to watch his parents' decline, that's just awful. Totally in character for Bellatrix, of course, but still awful. I'm not sure how he got out of his cot (if he did, I think his grandmother and great uncle were a bit premature in thinking he may not be magical) but he really shouldn't have been forced to witness that. Perhaps that's what made him keep to himself as a child - some repressed trauma. Makes sense, now I think of it. :D Great job!

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Sorry for the horrible lateness in my respond, I've been kept away from my computer and this place for almost a year!!

Thanks none the less for taking the time to review my story, I'm glad you liked the feeling of it!


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Review #4, by melian Chapter 1: A Happy Family

10th August 2011:
This was your first fic? I think it's a great start. I've read a few stories of this era but this was the first time I've seen Harry and Neville as playmates before the Potters' death - which now I think about it is probably odd, that I haven't seen it, because it seem so obvious in retrospect! I also haven't seen much from this time set from the Longbottoms' POV, which again now seems criminal. It's really tragic, isn't it, how both boys (Harry and Neville) were robbed of their parents at such a young age?

Anyway like I said this is a really good start, so I'm anxious to click on to find out what happens next. :)

melian (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Sorry for the horrible lateness in my respond, I've been kept away from my computer and this place for almost a year!!

Thanks none the less for taking the time to review my story, I'm glad you liked the feeling of it!


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Review #5, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 4 : The First Visit

31st July 2011:
You've written another great chapter. It must have been a differcult one to do. You captured everyones emotions perfectly. I have to give you another 10/10 since I cannot go any higher. Plz update this story.

Author's Response: Well this story hasn't been updated in over a year but I might get back to it now. You've really given me the needed spark to do it so, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I'm always so happy when I see you've reviewed one of my story; you always manage to put a smile on my face and for that also, I thank you.


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Review #6, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 3 : Delivering the news

31st July 2011:
Poor Augusta, hearing the bad news like that. It brought a tear to my eye. Great chapter. 10/10, and onto the next chapter.

Author's Response: This chapter was probably the hardest to write. I could barely write about Augusta learning the news because it must have been horrible for her to hear about it. I'm very pleased that you were touched by this chapter and thank you very much for taking the time to review.

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Review #7, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 2 : The Nightmare

31st July 2011:
Wow, brilliantly written. So intense and done with feeling. Well done and another 10/10.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it and I'm very pleased that the emotion passed through my imagination to your heart!

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Review #8, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 1: A Happy Family

31st July 2011:
It's a pity that Frank and Alice could not see into the future and see what was to happen to them.
A good start to your story and 10/10.

Author's Response: You are so kind!
Sorry if I answer a bit late it's just, I don't check this story very often for new reviews!! It's my very first fic and I'm not sure what I'll do with it. It's actually completed on paper, I just need to type it in but, somehow, by getting no reaction to it, I kind of let go of it. I might get back to it now though... you've sparked my interest with your kind words, thank you so much!


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Review #9, by LilyFire Chapter 1: A Happy Family

19th May 2011:
It so sad! I don't know what else to say, when I know the fate of Alice and Frank and how Neville really turns out. I'm probably going to end up reading this entire story! You've done a great job with this first story.
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Well you just surprised me me time with this review!!
Thank you for your kind words although I do not feel I deserve them. This was my first story, not just FF but, most importantly, first english story. I left it a bit but do plan on going back to it eventually. Now that I have written more things and feel more confident, I think I'm almost ready to do it!!

Thanks again, you just gave me the motivation to work on this story again!!


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Review #10, by Banba Chapter 3 : Delivering the news

5th February 2010:
I have always been fascinated with Frank and Alice, it was such a terrible ordeal. You a have a very good begining to their story, it helps show the impact on Neville just as you wished. I can't wait for the rest. I do however hope that your chapters become longer and that you add a little more dialouge.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review and for your positive comments! I'm still working hard on the next chapters and they will most likely be longer. As for their being more dialogue, well, I really can't say since most of the coming events will be from Neville's point of view, as a child and he is not a very loquacious (?) guy... I hope the details help in showing what they "want" to say! Keep on reading!

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Review #11, by Banba Chapter 3 : Delivering the news

5th February 2010:
I have always been fascinated with Frank and Alice, it was such a terrible ordeal. You a have a very good begining to their story, it helps show the impact on Neville just as you wished. I can't wait for the rest. I do however hope that your chapters become longer and that you add a little more dialouge.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!

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