Hey there! It's Broomsticks from the forums again with your review. :)
I thought the beginning was a little confusing. Just to check, did they suddenly get called on another mission, have their memory wiped and then get placed back? But other than that the rest of the chapter was clear and detailed!
The Kendra/Doyle moment was so sweet - even if they have to show off a little bit. Honestly, I do love those two.
This chapter was much more dramatic and dark. The way they have their memories wiped is horrible - and the fight with the two Men was really horrific. I thought the walk down the street was very eerie, and you built the suspense well.
I thought that the man may have not used Sectumsempara because that was a spell that Snape invented and was probably not well known - but that's just what I think, it's not canon or anything... I mean, it could have easily spread. The fight was really good and tense, and very creepy when that man is trying to lure her out.
The description was great and I thought you built the atmosphere brilliantly.
Kendra and Doyle were as Kendra and Doyley as ever, if that makes sense. It was interesting to see Kendra in a new situation, and it was quite funny that she decided to use the line "Be careful what you wish for" seeing as earlier on in the chapter she said she wanted to be "out there doing something." Oh the twists of fate haha.
I liked that the mysterious man had an accent, I thought that added good character.
- Character Development
It's so lovely to see Kendra and Doyle's relationship blossoming. They're really close to each other and I just want something to happen between them so bad! But of course, they're spies and partners... who keep having their memories wiped... a bit of an awkward relationship I suppose! To see Doyle caring for her was very sweet though.
Was great again - very realistic, I can't write dialogue to save my life, so I'm in awe of you.
- Plot so far
There is still so much mystery and suspense in this story! It sucks you in and encourages you to read on. With each chapter I become more curious. It's brilliant, and I love seeing the plot develop.
Seemed perfect to me! I didn't notice anything.
Another great chapter. If I was to give you any CC it would just be to make sure that things don't get too confusing (but ovbiously, you gotta keep the mystery going!) otherwise it may put some people off. But otherwise, I have no CC. This was brilliant and a really enjoyable read! K and D are both very strong OCs and your writing always flows excellently.
Hope this review was helpful, feel free to re-request any time! :)
~ TallestTowerAuthor's Response: Wow. That was an overwhelmingly large review. And I'm sorry I haven't responded until now, but I need a little time to marinate on it. Yes, I am like a kind of steak.
Your guess about the beginning of the chapter was correct. It was like a mini-mission. Maybe I'll stick something in the dialogue about it.
Suspense is always a good thing. I'm happy that you thought I had some. I guess I dropped it in by accident. Oh well, sometimes life is serendipitous like that.
Kendra and Doyle being Kendra and Doyley is a good thing. Especially since I created them - I want them to be pretty consistently like themselves.
Ha! I never thought about how that line really does come full circle. Irony but not of the dramatic variety.
Oh! I forgot to talk about Sectumsepra. I think, and I'm not sure what other people will think about this, but I think that Severus would've told other Death Eaters about this, or they would've seen him use it. I just figured members of the inner circle would be aware of it.
I'm going to work on the confusing. It's just a little hard since I know everything about it - since I made it up. It's hard to know how much readers are able to piece together.
Thank you for the marvelous review! I really appreciate it. Report Review
Hey, here with review for chaper 2!
I'd say you definitely have plent of mystery still, because I have no idea whats going on! Other than K and D are being sent by some secret organization to help the order. You haven't revealed too much either. If anything, I'd want you to reveal more so I can know what's happening(:
I enjoyed how you had them interact with the members of the order. The test part you threw in was a nice touch because I could see them being apprehensive about trusting strangers, even if they are there to help.
K's whole speech on the london bridge was pretty great, it gives me a good sense of her character.
You have a good base for a mystery going on, and it will be interesting to see how you have this unfold.
-ronsgirl29Author's Response: Ha! As much as I'd love to tell you more - I can't. That would be giving too much away.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the test. There will be others - the Order isn't willing to trust them just yet.
I worked so hard on that speech. It made me so nervous - I'm not used to writing the inspirational speech into anything.
Thank you, it was a lovely review. Sorry it took so long to respond. Report Review
This was seriously a really brilliantly written chapter. You have such a talent, it's really strange and a pity that not more people have read this. This whole time I just kept thinking of James Bond, and all those spy movies, and how they were written JUST as brilliantly as this! The plot and the introduction to the characters was really great. I'm seriously loving the vagueness of the main characters, and what their relationship actually is -- what was it like before they were obliviated? Will we ever know? What is their mission? Where did they come from?
You have managed to write this story and succeed in it, when many others who attempt this type of genre typically fail. Especially when I heard that there were going to be Americans in this story, I felt that there was seriously no hope -- but I was definitely proven wrong. This is totally going on my favorites, and I fully intend on finishing this when I get the time.
Just some things I noticed, while reading through and taking some notes:
If she was blending in with other Londoners, wouldn’t they be dressing practically? What exactly is in the way of THEM dressing warmly? Unless they are trying to be hot attractive youths and don’t care about the weather – but honestly there aren’t too many of them around, heh.
“frowned mentally?” I like that phrase. I really like your writing style. It has nice flow, and the describing words paint a nice picture in my head, like, “simultaneously keeping them warm and surreptitiously rummaging for anything useful that the base-wizards may have slipped in..”
“Doing her best to appear desperately lost and helpless,” it wouldn’t really be too hard to appear lost and helpless if she had just been obviliated, right?
Also, the whole first letter as a name thing is a really brilliant idea. That can make for some really interesting names throughout this story, I can tell. And I like the bit of humor with “purple” and “green.” Good stuff, haha.
Alrighty, so I hope this made sense and you can relate with what I said. Overall, definitely not too much bad stuff about this. Because it really was good. You're so good at this stuff.
Also, I feel like I've read some of your other stuff, but I'm not sure. Your penname seems realy familiar to me. Were you around four or five years ago, during my generation? well, anyhow, this was really good. I've said this a million times now. Thank you for asking me to read it!!Author's Response: First, I'm so sorry that it took me so very long to respond.
I'm pleased that you liked it and thought that I was well written. I've been working really hard to insure that the idea was rendered the way I envisioned it. And it is a very good sign that you have so many questions. I know that Americans are cliche, but I wanted to challenge myself to write an uncliche story with them (And thank you for the favorite - that made my day).
As for the Londoners not wearing practical clothes, I was there during the winter two years ago. The young people seemed to be dressed for looks more than practicality, but that might've just been the appearance of it. Maybe they were warmer that I was.
Yay! Description! I worked so hard to inject it into my phrasing so that people would see what I did when I pictured it.
She's very sure of herself, though. Especially without her memories. She's trained to be, you know. So she does have to work on the lost and helpless bit.
I'm glad you liked the naming convention. Some other people have said it confused them, but I think that only happens if you skim.
I think you might've read My Name is Facetia. But that would've been a long time ago.
Thank you very much. That was a lovely review.
Hello. :) Your story is so unique in the way that it uses the OC that I second thought my prejudice against OC. I do have a couple of things I'd like to go over in this review. The plot and idea was new to me, especially the part about the Americans being the spies. The characters of K and D were a little complicated because of the name change, but if one actually pays attention and doesn't skim it isn't too much of a problem. The romance that starts a little in chapter 3 was quite refreshing because it wasn't an 'in your face' romance. It is one that can span a novel, not just “Oh I love you, I love you too, lets be together even though the Organization wont let us, the end.” type of deal.
There is room for improvements in the way that the overall story is a bit confusing. However, after reading it I can say that it gets less and less confusing, and I'm sure it will continue in that way as the story unfolds. You also have a couple of grammar/convention issues. You sometimes skip words or put them twice without thinking. However, a quick read through would be sufficient to address these issues.
And as for your areas of concern, you are not revealing too much at all. It's perfect the way it is especially if you are going for mystery, suspense, and action.
I was happy that the action started in chapter four because if there would have been one more chapter without major action, then (as a reader) I would have become uninterested. All in all, this is a fantastic read and I plan on continuing reading it and adding it to my favorites. :)
I would love to see more of your work in my Review thread.
--MorganAuthor's Response: Wow. That's a good review. You really covered a lot.
First, I'd like to say that I'm glad you liked my OCs and might think OCs are worth a chance now. These do, after all, exist for a purpose beyond romance.
I'm going to go and do those read throughs for grammar and conventions this weekend, I think but thanks for pointing that out.
I'm sorry that you were ever confused, but I'm really glad that that cleared up as time went on and that you appreciated the beginnings of the romance between K and D.
Sorry about the action being such a long time coming. There was just so much set-up work for this fic. I needed the reader to know a lot before we could get going for real.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
The plot so far is going at a nice pace. And the characters have a steady and continuous feel about them, like they aren't having mood swings or anything! But the mission thing is a little confusing towards the middle of the chapter. But I love Love LOVE the beginning of the chapter and the description, it's very well written! I'll review more when I have time!Author's Response: I'm glad the pacing is good and all the characters manage to be in-character.
As for the confusing aspect, things do tend to get muddled in the missions, but that's mainly because you don't yet know much about them, I think.
I'm glad you liked the description. I've been doing my best to make sure that it's on par with the things a spy would notice. Report Review
Hmm, quite an eventful chapter, this one. Interesting, yes. No doubt about that. No worries. This is still a very interesting and captivating story. There are so many questions left unanswered, how do you stop reading a fic like this?
As for it being mysterious...it still has those hints. Like at the beginning when we find out that the O sent them on separate missions during their MD anniversary. There's so much about the O that no one, not even the characters, know.
I am a little bit confused, though. Because it seems half the time they forget their missions completely once their over, and the other half you mention things that make it seem like they do remember what happens. Like this part:
"It might have been comical if it weren't so serious and yet, she knew that when she told Doyle about this, he'd have everyone in stiches someday as he told the story."
How is Doyle going to be telling everyone about it someday if he won't remember it? Or will he? That's what I'm confused about.
Overall, another good chapter. I look forward to finding out who the Death Eaters are! I've got a suspicion that one is Severus, but then he could have taught the others his spells by now. And I'd really hope for him to still be a good person. Because I'm rather fond of Snape. ^^
I hope these reviews were helpful! Thanks for requesting. :D
-Dem-Author's Response: To be honest, I've debated whether to answer your question about missions all day and I've finally come to a decision about it. And that is that I might as well tell you that all official missions start with the words "For Your Eyes Only." Her foray into fighting the Death Eaters is actually just her defending herself against attack, so that memory won't be taken away.
As to the identity of the Death Eaters, I shall say nothing of it.
Thank you for all of the lovely reviews! I appreciate your candor and opinions. Report Review
"Atkins also had the uncanny ability to appear out of nowhere and stare over her shoulder as she dealt with particularly precious or fragile records."
Haha, I liked this line. I could see a stern tall guy standing over her shoulder, frowning at her. Awesome.
You know what's so sad? Kendra and Doyle are super cute together...and when this mission is over they won't even remember it. :(
Since you didn't seem to be concerned with grammar, I'll just skip that bit and get to what you asked me to comment on. :D
Okay, well it is still very interesting. It's not as mysterious/mind-boggling as the first two chapters, but it's alright to have a seemingly "normal" chapter.
Obviously something else is up, what with the note/cliffhanger at the end. So you still have the reader questioning. These characters are still a mystery. Their past lives, missions, relationships are completely hidden, almost inaccessible.
Overall, I enjoyed this chapter even if it wasn't as...dense as the previous two. It flowed nicely. And you have a very nice touch with descriptions. The style is definitely something to be complimented. The fact that I'm not sure what makes it so unique makes it even better.
I'll let you know after the next chapter if it's really losing its mysteriousness, or not. ^^
-Dem-Author's Response: Yeah, I needed for her boss to be a vaguely unpleasant guy. Not evil, mind, just unpleasant.
K and D are kind of tragic that way. But they do have the present.
Aww, shucks! That description comment made me melt a little bit. I've really been working on improving it, since my characters are spies and should therefore notice everything.
Also, good to see that I didn't lose you with the calm in this chapter. It needed to be done, though.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
"Leftover was the term for memories the leaders of a team have of distributing orders."
This sentence is a bit confusing.
"Do you know everyone here?"
I would add a tag to this one as it seems the twins aren't speaking together anymore. Just pick one. :D
"What's it like, being a spy?"
"Um, I honestly can't remember, Fred."
I just wanted to commend you on using an interesting way to let the reader know who was speaking. :D
Ron nudged Hermione in the ribs, and looked at her questioningly.
"No, Ronald. I don't know everything, all right?"
Once again, that humor in a serious fic! Gotta love it!
Aww, that was cute/confusing/complex/gave me a headache. So much thinking! I like these kinds of stories! There's so much still hidden.
So far, it's incredibly mysterious. You don't really know if you can even trust them. I mean, she could have said all that stuff about the Lincoln Brigade just to get the Order to trust/accept them!
You just never know. I love it!
Next two chapters will have better reviews. ^^
DemAuthor's Response: Thank you for pointing those sentences out to me! I really appreciate it! I'll definitely go and fix them as soon as I get a chance.
I'm glad you noticed my dialogue technique. I get tired of all those, he saids and she replieds.
Ha! I'm glad you caught the little Ron/Hermione moment there! I loved that idea the second it appeared in my brain.
Also, I'm glad I've got you thinking about it. That's definitely important! And mystery is also important.
Thank you for the review!
This is brilliant! Really, it is! I'm not going to leave an in depth review for this one as you said you were most concerned about the latter two, but I will tell you that this kept my head spinning trying to figure out everything that's going on!
It's completely bizarre, really. Inserted memories, missions you don't know anything about, partners you can't remember but you just know that they're yours. And that code language! It's completely mental to think that they would be able to understand each other. It made sense but then I would have never had a second thought about it if I'd overheard them.
I loved it.
"She made a mental note to get it checked out as soon as she remembered who she was."
Ha! I love this line! You are very good at inserting humor into a seemingly serious fic. Kudos!
DemAuthor's Response: Yes, I do indeed know how odd this story really is - I tried to describe it to someone the other day and ended up with, "No, really. It's interesting, I promise!"
Ha! I love that line too! My attempt at humor. Sometimes I surprise myself with things like that.
Thank you! Report Review
Wow, this is fascinating.Author's Response: Thanks. Glad you liked it. Report Review
It's Broomsticks here with your review again! :) Sorry for the massive gap between reviews. I've been really slow at reviewing this week, I guess I'm just tired. Hope it's okay.
I really enjoyed this chapter. I love the small details and descriptions you put into each chapter. I like K's tapping, and I really liked the introduction to this chapter it was very vivid.
I can't help but 'Aww' over K and D at the ministry... they are so perfect for each other! :D I have really fallen in love with these two OC's doing these reviews and D is just the best - haha, I love him.
I love their acting and coded language, and the little details you put into this story really make it great and realistic.
I want to know more about this memory wiping business! I get more intrigued with each chapter. I wonder why K and D can only remember their meeting? And who erases their memories?
The doubt of the trio was interesting, and added even more mystery to the plot I think. I'm also interested to see how you develop the war and activities with Voldemort seeing as this is AU after HBP.
And now... I'm really worried about D! I mentioned that he's my favourite character. Where is he? What's going on? I'm left with so many questions.
In answer to your doubts as to whether this story is still interesting and retains mystery - I'm definately mystified and interested! The story is very gripping and the writing flows well. The ending is absolutely brilliant and makes me want to read on! (Which I will do as soon as I can!)
Hope this review was useful, thanks for requesting. Keep writing! :)
~ Broomsticks/TallestTowerAuthor's Response: It's no problem! I wasn't really even expecting another review! I was incredibly happy to see this one!
I'm so glad you liked her tapping. It's one of the traits that I've been trying to imbue her with. And I'm glad you liked her job.
As for the whole memory-removal business, I can only say, "Mwhahaha," and leave it at that.
I promise there will be more development in the Trio and in the post HBP war activities. I just have to get to it. I have so much story exploding in my head right now. This is the first fan-fiction I've ever had an official plan with. It's really hard not to just make it all into one enormous chapter.
This review was very useful. Thank you very much for writing it :)
Hey there, it's Broomsticks from the forums again with your reviews! :)
The description here was really good again, very well written and that made the time jumps much smoother.
I'm still confused, not in a bad way, but in a 'Hmm, all this mystery is really interesting' kind of way. I want to learn more about the organisation and the memory swiping!
I liked seeing the character development here. We learnt more about D and K, who I think are a pretty awesome team. I also loved seeing the members of the order, who I thought you characterized really well.
The dialogue was very realistic yet again and there were no slow parts, it flowed very well. I think thats one of the great things about this story so far - there have been no lulls, it's a very gripping story that snatches you and pulls you into the world of D and K.
I liked the idea of the test from the order, which I thought was exactly the type of thing they would do. I'm also interested to see what kind of work they're going to be doing with the order. I thought the plot development was really good, we now know more about what's going on, but there is still a lot of mystery which makes me want to read on!
Also, I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, which is lovely. So thank you for that!
This story has been really interesting to read so far. Hope this review was useful, see you again in chapter three!
Thanks for posting!
~ Broomsticks/TallestTowerAuthor's Response: Whew! It's a relief that the time jumps weren't too jumpy for you. I tried to make them as natural as I could, but I needed them to be a little jarring/disorienting because it creates an impression of the jolt-y time that K and D have to live with, missing some memories.
I worked so hard on getting the Weasley twins right. They're two of my favorite characters and I'd absolutely cry I couldn't get them perfect. That's really the main reason for the hold up on the update for this particular chapter. I'm also glad to hear that the dialogue is working and that there aren't lulls. This is a lot of set up to throw at people, but I know it needs to be there, or I can't move on with the story.
Thank you very much for the review! I appreciate it it greatly!
Hello there! It's Broomsticks here from the forums with your review. Sorry about the wait, hope it's helpful all the same!
So first impressions: Wow, this is certainly a gripping fic. I was sucked into it immediately and there is a sense of mystery and excitement in this first chapter that was really brilliant. It was a very good first chapter - the type that makes you want to read on!
The description and detail was great. Your use of language was really impressive and I thought you described everything brilliantly, the characters and sitatuations were very vivid.
As for the characters - I don't know what to say! They are shrouded in so much mystery it's hard for me to talk about their characters. But the mystery is great, and I'm eager to learn more.
They seem like very interesting OCs indeed - I read the summary and they have selective amnesia?! Woah.
I really liked the relationship between K and D, and I thought how they reacted was great. Their emotions and speech seemed very realistic and I liked how they were speaking in code a lot - it showed how focused they were for the job. Despite the light heartedness of the conversation, there was a formality lurking beneath the code. I'm interested to learn more about these characters :)
I really liked your characterization of Tonks. The way she didn't notice them slip in was very Tonks and I thought you understood her character really well. It's good to see her alive to be honest!
This plot is a very interesting one and I'm curious to see where it goes - can't wait to read on to chapter two and learn more!
The grammar and everything seemed fine, so I think that's it for now and I'll see you in chapter two! :)
~ Broomsticks/TallestTowerAuthor's Response: Wow. Sorry that it took me so long to respond - you just gave me so much to think about that I got flummoxed. Anyway, to the response.
I'm really glad that you were drawn in. That's something that I was very concerned about given that my story's a little bit off the beaten path. And description! I've been working on that, since I'm not that observant and K/D have to notice everything, since they're spies. The hardest part is filtering what they see into what you read on the page.
Characters are very important to me. I love a good plot, but a good plot, in my opinion, is nothing without strong characters. That's why I couldn't leave Tonks dead. She's such a strong woman and so quirky.
Thank you very much for the review! Report Review
Hey Ronsgirl29 here from the forums with your review!
I definitely don't think you revealed to much! The whole story is basically a mystery, and I'm very intrigued by these characters and what their deal is. Who are K and D? Why can't K remember everything? What does the order what with them? etc. You left me with a lot of questions in my head, which is good because I enjoy stories that make me think!
I'm enjoying your characterization, and I like your character interaction, it seems very real, even when they are faking it! (:
Over all, I think this is a nice start to a story and you have most certainly left me intrigued!
-ronsgirl29Author's Response: My goodness! So many questions! Too bad I won't answer them. Glad to hear that you think the characterization is going well and the interaction is on par.
Thank you very much for the review. Report Review
Another good chapter. You wanted me to tell you if it was still mysterious or if you're giving to much away and as far as I'm concerned I don't think you're giving to much away at all, but it also depends on how mysterious you want this story to stay. However, from what I've read you haven't really given away anything other than the fact that K and D are spies for an American Organization that seems to be the wizarding equivalent of the CIA, we don't even know their real names, but of course neither do they. I think that you have sufficiently kept mystery in your story up to this point. However, I also think that that can only take you so far. Eventually you will have to start revealing things and the key to keeping the story the proper amount of mysterious without losing the readers' attentions is to reveal them at the correct moments and not all at once. I can't really tell where you're planning on going with the plot of this story and there doesn't seem to be much action yet and mystery can only keep your story interesting for so long so I think that you should start to get more into the plot and the action. But that being said, I don't see any reason why you have to reveal K and D's real names or any information about the Organization at any point in the story and then you can keep the mystery all the way until the end (unless of course your plan for this story somehow requires their identities to be revealed in which case disregard my suggestion to maintain the mystery haha).Author's Response: Thank you for clarifying that. I'm really glad that you could explain it in such detail. I just needed to know that someone else was satisfied that the story was set up in order to continue on to the plot and the action of the story. I'm glad that it's still mysterious. And I'm very glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Another great chapter, I'm really enjoying this story, and you've still managed to keep the mystery but not so much that I'm tired of being kept in the dark. I think you've found a good balance between the two. So far I don't think you've given too much away at all. The story reads smoothly and I like the punctuation with small comedic comments by the characters. Looking forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the little comedic things. I try to lighten it a little bit - I know this story has a tendency toward the serious. Thank you very much for the review. Report Review
Well so far I would say that you have successfully grasped my attention. This is indeed very mysterious I am usually quite good at predicting storylines but I find myself stumped with this one so far. I love your writing style it's very good and you're quite descriptive which makes up for the lack of dialogue which I am usually very fond of. I'm excited to continue reading.Author's Response: I'm glad you were both grabbed and stumped by my story, though I apologize that it doesn't have better manners. I tried to teach it, but it didn't want to learn.
Descriptive! Yay! That's exactly what I've been working on!
Thank you for the review! I appreciate it. Report Review
oh my! is she getting another mission in the middle of this?! what about her partner doyle? what happened to him to make him late?Author's Response: All of these are very good questions. And all of them will be answered. In good time. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Woot! We are getting somewhere! I can't tell you which chapter I liked more, the last one or this. They are both so mysterious but you allow us insight on the main characters' mission. It's a gift not a lot of people have, and whenever I read a story in which someone does, it instantly lifts my spirits. Anyways, on to this chapter!
So they were finally at the Order, and they both are American? I remember you mentioning something about D's fake British accent in the last chapter, but I thought you were going along the lines of proper British. I know that's silly. When they came into Headquarters and saw the portrait, I did an air punch. It's still AU, but you add a lot of the HP universe in it. And Fred and George crack me up :)
K can't remember where she had seen the Order's faces. She did lose her memory, so that's acceptable. But she can't remember who she is either? Really intriguing; you're really going on the right path!
More D and K action! I'm officially supporting this ship now. I'm just a little upset I can't give them a snappy little ship name. Curse the one-letter names. Anyways (I was getting off topic) he brought home a dog and then carried her to bed? Sure, that's partnership. I can see right through them like a sheet; I just hope that they end up together *takes out flamboyant fan t-shirt*.
P.S: D is a muggle-born? Suspicious, how you snuck that fact in the dialogue. I have a feeling this is important in later chapters, but correct me if I'm wrong :)Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter! I was nervous that the balance of the mysterious and the explained might not work out.
It's great that you picked up on it. I work really hard to stick in those canon details. I go on fact-finding missions over the tiniest details.
Haha. Yes, no snappy ship names for you. Sorry about that one. I didn't think of it at the time.
Thank you for the review. It is very much appreciated. Report Review
Hello dear! I read this last night and loved it, and am here to fulfill my promise of giving you a great review. Enjoy!
First off, this is an anarchy type of fic, no? The Ministry is imposing unjust laws and such, causing certain groups to react (Order of Phoenix?) I take it that K and D are part of a different group than the Order? I'll eventually figure it out.
I like what you did with the names. It is incredibly clever of you, as it helps your plot out A LOT and makes the reader wonder what their real names are. The curiosity is eating me up! I forsee more explanation in the future, so I won't harass you about it :)
I like K. She seems very dynamic and human, even though she's some sort of super-human spy. You blend in her character well with the plot and leave it up to the readers to infer things. I imagine her to be a tomboy and lively, although she won't think twice about kicking someone's butt if she needs to. You did an amazing job with her, dear :)
Oooh, D! He's sexy, with all his muscular goodness. I see a lot of chemistry between him and K, even though they are only pretending to be in a relationship. I hope that they end up together. Plus, he's very nice and sort of a joker, which evens out K.
Tonks! OMG! I love you for putting her in here, because I was so heartbroken when she died in DH. It was so abrupt, and anyways...it brightened up my day. You made her Tonks-ish but a little darker, perhaps reflecting the dark events that have passed.
Your narrative was totally good. You made no mistake in POV or tense change. I have so many questions already. Why is it so dark? Who is K and D, really? What will they do at headquarters? Perhaps more answers in the next chapter?Author's Response: Goodness! I'm so sorry I didn't respond to this sooner! I have no excuse, really.
Sort of an anarchy-type fic. But only because this is a circumstance in which seventh book never happened. It seemed too easy to me, so this is the story of the war that I think might have happened instead.
I'm glad you liked the naming convention and yes, you will one day get to know more. Just not quite yet. I'm also glad you like K and D and even more so that you like them together. I tried to make it so that it wasn't a huge stretch to see them as a pair.
I love Tonks too. Which is probably a large part of why she's still alive here. That, and the climactic battle of book seven never happened.
As to your questions, I shall take the route of an evil mastermind and simply say, "Mwhahaha!" Anyway, thank you for the review! I appreciate your time. Report Review
I really like the second chapter. It tells more to the story than the first chapter did. I was confused at the beginning. But very well done.
Hope you keep updating and I will review in the next chapter. God luck!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad this chapter cleared it up a little bit for you! I was so worried that people might be lost in all the crazy-ness.
Thank you, once again! Report Review
Hi, I'm here with your review from the forums! I'm sososo sorry about leaving this review for so long! I'm not even going to bother with excuses.
I really think what you've done with this chapter is fantastic. I'm actually really anti-crazy AU stories like this, but I'm finding this story so intriguing. It's very well written and I can tell that you've plotted out the story very carefully and thought everything through.
I really like how you've approached this idea of "other Aurors." I'm assuming they're from another country that has a different accent like the US or Ireland or something, since you mentioned them D having a fake British accent. The way you've approached that idea is very unique. You've avoided this clichè of the American exchange student coming to Hogwarts and really twisted International Relations into something new!
Another thing I like is how you're incorporating all these canon ideas from the books into your story. It's very difficult to mix other people's ideas into a story that you're trying to branch off from, but you're doing it so well.
Your attention to detail is wonderful, and I really understand the whole plot easily. One of the things that I like about your writing style is your ability to write something serious or informational, but give it a witty twist. There were a couple of times that I LOLed when nothing particularly funny actually happened!
Great job!Author's Response: And I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. But to the meat of the response, eh?
I'm not sure I even like reading crazy AU stories either, but I'm very glad that you enjoyed this so far.
I though it might be interesting to see how Americans would handle this whole Auror thing. I mean, they had to have Aurors and I always wondered why they didn't send some kind of help. Glad to do my part against the exchange student (although I was once very guilty of that one).
I really wanted some kind of grounding in the books - without it, I'd not truly be writing fanfiction. The truth is, this story grew up out of a desire to see how well I could weave these threads together.
I'm glad you found it unexpectedly amusing. It's something I strive for in a character like K. She's definitely a little snarky in her thoughts.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your time. Report Review
Hey there. Rocket again, with your review. Not logged in at the moment, but you recognize my name, I'm sure, so it doesn't matter. (: Sorry I took such a long time to get to this. I'm still sick unfortunately, and have been frighteningly busy. Now, on with the review!
Another really well written, intriguing chapter! I loved the interactions K&D had with all the order members. Your characterization was spot on, but what was particularly nice that you did was when you made Tonks avoid the troll leg umbrella stand. I really liked that you included that in there.
I like K&D a lot so far. I also like this plot a lot. Though it's AU, it's realistic. Who says that American wizards couldn't help in the wizarding war? So I really do like that idea, a lot.
I liked the 'test' you put the two of them through. Though we, as readers, pretty much know K&D are trustworthy, the Order members don't know that, so I liked the inclusion of the test.
I like how serious K is. And the little interactions between her and D are too cute!
Feel free to re-request when you have the third chapter up. The thread's full, but it's my goal to clear it up tonight, so hopefully it will stay that way!
Rocket.Author's Response: I do recognize you! Thanks for dropping in again and sorry it took me so long to respond. I really have no excuse.
I thought the umbrella stand might be a nice addition. I figured if I remember it happening fairly well, then most readers would. This is, after all, a Tonks who's had some practice sneaking through that entryway. But she's still Tonks (and a little clumsy).
Yay! I thought people might hate on the concept of Americans helping the war effort, but since Voldemort presumably wants to take over the whole world and America is in the world, I felt like I could get away with it.
I thought it would be silly for the Order to absolutely trust them right off. They still probably won't fully for a little while. I know I wouldn't if I were an Order member.
K&D are pretty cute. They make a really good partnership. I'll definitely look into that. But, first I have to get that chapter up soon!
Thanks again - I really enjoy reading your feedback! Report Review
Hm. The story has an exciting descriptive start. K and D seem to have a bit of a crush on each other, I see.
The story starts out amazing, but you need more background detail and how are they so unique, the characters I mean. Probably in chapter 2 there's a filler.
I give this an 8/10.
Great start.Author's Response: Yay for descriptions, excitement and crushes. They are all good things.
I will definitely take that into account. However, a good chunk of the back-story shan't be revealed for a while. The detail currently exists; I just haven't really needed the reader to know it yet.
Thank you so much. You've given me much to consider. Report Review
Since you did vaguely mention characterization and description, I suppose I ought to make a token remark about them. Thumbs up. I liked them both.
I found myself very drawn into this story. Typically, I skim at least 75% of fanfiction I read, and I tend to read carefully only for my favorite authors on my own time. Review requests get a little less effort most of the time. I found myself completely engaged in this story, though. From the beginning, I was hooked. You leave things just vague enough that the reader has to pay attention to properly understand, but I didn't find myself confused by a convoluted plotline.
Sure, there are quite a few things I still have questions about, but that's normal at the beginning of a story. There would be no point in reading anything beyond the first chapter if the author revealed all at the very beginning. I am very curious about this Organization and what role the other teams are going to play in this story, and I have quite a few other little questions like that floating around. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I found this story extremely interesting.
K and D are fascinating characters. I don't recall ever reading anything fanfic or otherwise with such super-duper spy elements (I don't normally go for spy stories, but maybe I should reconsider), though I seem to remember reading about a TV show with possibly a similar element in regards to the mind-wiping.
Anyhow, I loved all the little codes that were slipped in, and thank you so much for translating them for the readers! I never would have understood otherwise.
If you'd like, please re-request once you have more posted. I would like to read more of this story.Author's Response: Yay, token remarks! I do that in my request thread too.
Good - I've been working so hard to walk that line between being vague/interesting and confusing everyone. I was concerned that with the amount of exposition I have to slip in there, I might lose people.
Well, I'm not authorized to reveal anything about the Organization. They wouldn't like that. But I'm glad you have questions. Questions are very good.
I knew Dollhouse would come up eventually. When I began writing this fiction in 2008, I'd never heard of it. Now that I have looked into it, I know there are important differences in the techniques and reasons for altering memories. Readers just don't know about them yet.
I thought as much. Codes are tricky business. I'm sure K and D wouldn't understand them either out of context.
Thank you so much for the lovely review. I shall definitely re-request.
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