I am really enjoying this story! I am looking forward to the next chapter. :)

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hey i like this story a lot do keep writing!

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Um, alrighty then. Just a few pointers, even if I am being a tiny bit hypocritical cause I do this too, but I think it'd be a good idea for you to go back through it and fix up all the spelling mistakes and your grammar. Not trying to be mean, and it IS a good story/plot, but the extent of mistakes, which, in all honesty is really quite terrible, makes it hard to read. Not because I can't read it, but because I'm constantly pausing to work out what the word is, and some of your sentences are only half finished
E.g. I made a not so needed squeal and pulled my head away from her knowimg she would
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At first I couldn't understand it. "I made a not so needed squeal", at first I thought it was just a long string of mistakes. If you're going to put in something like that, it'd probably be best to add a few hyphens. "I made a not-so-needed squeal and pulled my head away, knowing she would"
Like I said, and I'm no expert, I'm just trying to help. That's half the purpose of the review box. And by no means do you have to take my advice, or even finish reading this review
Ok, pointers:
You may want to go into a little more detail, regarding rooms and physical appearances. Use more descriptive words. Get the thesaurus out if need be, I know if I'm looking for a simile to any, rather boring word that's the first place I go. The dictionary can be good, too
Grammar. Ok:
"what the hell just happened." i asked my friends who seemed be as clueless as i was.
^^Copied and pasted directly from your story^^
Note all the capitals, or, more precisely, lack-there-of, and I think you have 1 correct full stop in there. "What the hell just happened?’ I asked my friends, who seemed to be as clueless as I was." Or, it could simply have been "looked as clueless as I was".
Spelling mistakes:
"my cell i cant find it." she kept mutering bad things under her breathe. when final she decided to go loco and call for it like it was a puppy."
^^Copied and pasted directly from your story^^
Need I say more?
Anyway, good plot line, and as long as all of the above get better I'm sure I'll enjoy reading it

Author's Response: Thank you so much, trust me i know what you mean. I tend to use boring words because as you mentioned my spelling and grammar are the worst. And i'm sorry if you liked my story. Because i know i had stopped there for a little while. but all in all thanks for the pointers.!!

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